The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dems In Bed With Crypto Creep | Nick Di Paolo Show #1306

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Cryto Creeps Funds Dems. Chris Magnus Resigns. Joe Meets With China. Joe Aborts Question. Jay's Hot Rod. Dyke On Bike.

Had a great weekend in Florida. I'll tell you all about it in a minute. If you're in Kentucky, Arkansas, St. Louis, or Kansas City, plenty of drugs and roast beef. Good night, everybody. Plan to see me live in the coming months. Tommy's got me out there working like an illegal. Get dates and tickets at nickdip.com and click on the tour button. Aye, fellas. See you there. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Welcome back, folks. Back as in I'm back. Tuesday, how are you? Great, great. Good weekend. I got a few stories to tell you about at the top. And, yeah, I had a blast. Good turnouts everywhere. Even Fort Myers, where we saw we drove by one giant lot that was piled. I mean, I don't know if that's like where they put everything. It was high and long. But, you know, the rest of it seemed in order.

What did I want to say before that? I don't know. Didn't I have any opening remarks? before that. I don't know. Didn't I have any opening remarks? I guess just the weekend, which was insanely, uh, uh, Kennel Club, Friday night, Palm Beach. First of all, I drove every minute of the trip, because my buddy Josh, who killed everywhere this weekend, I mean, really, once you're there, you got the feeling that you liked him. Well, I didn't like that. It's enough of that shit. Let me find a fat, ugly girl who's kind of funny. I know he fucking murdered.

I drove every minute because I'm not going to trust him. This guy, you know, fucking smokes a pound of weed every, although I got to give him credit. He didn't have any for the first few days until he ran into some other, you know, comic, some guy running the club trying to be a comic. I'm like, that guy's got weed again. Anyway, so I don't trust anybody.

I don't give a fuck it was Mario Andretti. There's a reference from the early 40s. Okay, Richard, what's his name? Petty. I'm not letting anybody drive. Same year, worse. Orville Wright. I'm not letting anybody drive.

Not on a long trip. I just don't trust anybody. Hey, I've nodded off, and I do blow, right? All right, listen. Anyways, yeah, I drove every minute. Got home last night at 3ish. Palm Beach Kennel Club, Friday night. Let's get right to it.

I pull up. You know, some hotels have that driveway that goes up and around. They had the Palm Beach Kennel Club. So I pull up there, and I saw the valet guys didn't make any move. Oh, they said, go down there. There's a spot. So there's a lot, just a little lower than where they were. So I go down there. There's a tight squeeze, but I fit in. Guy's getting anxious. So I fit in the spot, but it's too tight. Josh can't even get out. So I

back out, let him out, and pull back in. Before I get out of the car, some young Hispanic kid from valet runs down and says, they don't want you to park there. It's too tight. They're afraid you're going to ding the car door or whatever. I go, okay. Put it in reverse. I don't know why you guys can explain this to me. When you put it in reverse, at least with my QX70 Infinity, the side mirrors tilt down. Oh, I guess so you're not going to crush children or something? so you're not going to crush children or something? Again, thanks. What the fuck am I, retarded? But I, so I checked there,

and this is still on me, I don't care, you know. And I do one of these, but I get kind of tinted. The back window's like tinted, it's nighttime. They said, the kid said, park next to the cop car. The cop car, a sheriff's car, The kid said, park next to the cop car. The cop car, a sheriff's car, Palm Beach County sheriff car parked directly behind me. I thought I was weighed to the, like, right of it.

So I do the old, you know, hand on the phone. Crunch with people watching. With, like, four valet guys watching. I go, you gotta be, what a shit feeling that is. Crunch, cop car, lights, bells, whistles. I get out, I pull up, I pull into, I don't know what I, and me and Josh, I park like right there, and it's like five minutes to showtime. Me and Josh start walking away. Here comes a little fucking black lesbian.

I think she, I don't know if she was the sheriff or the, it was her car, I believe. She was the highest ranking one. She's like, license and registration. Like that, only more angry. I said, look, don't get pissed at me because I like to eat pussy too. I'm no threat to you, all right?

I go, she goes, license and registration. I go, right now? I said, I couldn't even say I got a show to do. Yeah, now. She was fucking furious. Here I am exchanging papers. 10 minutes before showtime or whatever the fuck.

What an asshole. I'm like, I can't, I make fun of people who do this shit. I'm officially old. I thought I was, I brag about my spatial skills. I do, I brag about my, and again, it was dark.

My fucking eyes, I'm getting bad, man. My spatial skills are fucking phenomenal. You can ask anybody. Fucking my old lady. Well, he's dead. You can't ask Greg Zook. But many times I've parked. I mean, spots where like, you know, parallel parking on a hill.

You can't get in there. The fuck I can't. I'm really good at that shit. I was so fucking embarrassed. But then I went, you know what? Maybe I'm not that good at that shit. I was so fucking embarrassed. But then I went, you know what, maybe I'm not that good at it. Because the only good thing that came out of it, the panel on my car, the rear panel on the driver's side, that was already scraped and cracked a little because I hit my late great buddy Zook's car about a year ago. Not my fault.

He had all this room to park in front of my house. He leaves his ass end of his car, about this much of it, in my, sticking out, you know, he was on the street, so it's hanging over my driveway. I get in the car one morning, like I always do, check the rear view mirror, I can't see his little, and I didn't see it coming out. Coming out it doesn't look like it, you know what I mean? So I back out it like I usually do about 70 miles an hour. I knocked his car out of alignment. Anyways, yeah, so anyhow, I gotta get that, I needed to get that fixed anyways. So that was one scrape of the law. Then I had another one. Coming home Sunday night, Monday night, when did I come home?

Sunday night or Monday morning, yes. I drove all the way, once again, five and a half, I only had about seven Bacardi and Cokes in me, but we stopped at Wendy's and shit, so healthy weekend. Smoked like a pirate. Anyways, coming home. Of course, I'm about an hour, hour and 20 minutes from Savannah. I was in Georgia, and I have ways. You guys know where I'm going with this. You know, there were some stretches I was doing 110. So, you know, I'm doing 110 110 and there's 80 semi-trucks keeping up with me. You know what I'm saying? It's the middle of the night.

Nobody out there. All of a sudden, sure enough, fucking lights behind. I'm going, ugh. It's one of those, I start to go to the right, you hope he blows by you.

But no, fucking pull over. Again, probably an hour and 20 hour 15 from home young guy young cop you know license right yeah me doing 102 and a 70. i should have done the investigative work before i told you this all i know is it's an extra 200 i oh you know what it is i think it might be an extra 200 for every mile an hour you're over 100.

Does that sound right? The ticket was 900. I know it's 200 being over 100 miles an hour. And I'm lucky, apparently, because normally in Georgia, if you do and I can't believe this, NASCAR Central,

you southerners who fucking drive, work faster than anybody ever. If you're doing over 100 in Georgia, they pass the law, they arrest you. But because of COVID, they couldn't put people in. So that hasn't been changed yet, I guess. So I elect 102. Honestly, are we fucking children? Germany can do what, 195, 200?

Autobahn. Yeah, the Autobahn. What the fuck? There's nobody out there. What am I going to kill a fucking farmer's daughter? Or a fucker? What? I can tell it's Monday.

I don't got it. I left it all on the field this weekend anyways yeah so it comes out to 900 fucking bucks with a 200 and whatever the fuck

luckily I sold a shitload of merchandise that'll cover that ticket just two more hats alright anyways real quickly I said I'll cover that ticket. Just two more hats. All right. Anyways, real quickly, Fort Myers snappers. I want to thank my new friend, 100% Egyptian,

the guy that's been running that place since he was 19. He's 53. He's 100% Egyptian. Nabal, his name is. Apparently, I've been his favorite comic for 30 years. I go, and you fucking booking me? He couldn't have been more happy. He's apologizing.

They had to move fucking, you know, I don't know what that saying is. Move what? Hell over. Move mountains? Yeah, he had to move mountains. That's a good one. Reminds me of this fat-titted broad from Everett Messages. Yeah, he had to move mountains it's a good one reminds me of this fat titted broad from everett messages um yeah he had to they're in a strip mall all 15 other stores are boarded up still fucked up he's got like a makeshift snapper sign that they put like a vinyl and he was so

apologetic and i go you you don't have to apologize to me. First of all, I go anywhere. I'm a fucking comedy foot soldier. You should know soldiering. I said, you Egyptian fuck. And he fucking, he's like, I wish I met you 30 years ago. We would have done such great things. I'm like, mm. Jesus Christ.

Is he mistaking me for somebody else? Fucking. Gaddafi's fucking nephew or something? He couldn't have been nicer. He's got five grown children. A fucking guy's guy. He goes, I'm married, I think he said, a Polish woman from New Jersey.

What a country. And he's right. He's the fucking American dream. They got a big snap. I found they had a bigger snappers club, so I was kind of offended. But it's near Sidesplitters, my old, you know, my side. Anyways. So he

was fucking great, and everybody there was great. The GM was a young guy from the Netherlands, and they couldn't have been nicer. And the crowds, a lot of them hadn't been out in months, they said. And it was weird playing to people on the roofs of the house.

I got to admit, that was kind of odd. It was still up there. Yeah, so they did a hell of a job. We didn't even have a green room. We were in the corner. Me and Josh were in the corner of the room like fans. But thank you guys so much at Snap. They were, he was ecstatic.

And I, you know. And this Palm Beach buddy, Sully, a bunch of vets came out because it was Veterans Day. And then Sidesplitters was sold out. Had a fucking ball. As much as I complain, I hate to fucking leave my couch. Had a frigging ball. Shook a thousand hands.

Got 42 STDs. Ate pizza twice, drunk. I get up, I got to take a, it's all like muddy and blocked. Little fucking rabbit pellet falls out and then you smudge in the rest of it. It's, you know what I mean? You're like, this is,

I deserve this. I was eating Domino's. And when I'm drunk, Domino's tastes like I was in fucking Naples eating fire. I don't get me and my wife argue. She's like, that's fucking crazy. I go, I like pizza more than you do. I'll eat it frozen. I've never had bad pizza.

It was fucking delicious. I know people are going, what? I just love the fucking pizza. I'm sorry. Fucking delicious. I know people are going, what? I just love the fucking pizza. I'm sorry.

Anyways, and then McDonald's because my pothead buddy, Wendy's. Just a muddy dump. Took me two hours to clean it up. It's in the back of my hair. Fucking gross. Finally, first thing I did when I got out of the door, I'm not kidding. I didn't even unpack my bag. I ran to the kitchen.

I got like a shovel you bring to the beach for your kid. I filled that with fucking Metamucil. Mixed it in a quarter of a... It's better than working out sometimes. What am I doing? What am I talking about? And I want to thank the Canadian guys who flew from Canada to Florida, came to all three shows. The guy that played the guitar, him and his buddy came. God bless those guys. We're sending you something. I don't know. I think you said you guys wanted to adopt a kid. I'll find something. Nice young black kid with no legs. Plenty of them in my house. Plenty in New York. In New York. That's right. I'll pay the shipping. So thank those guys. And they were at my hotel.

And I ran into another couple, all the couple staying at the hotel that were going to my show. I don't know where they came from. I got the best fans. I'm sorry. I know I'm fucking. Q&A after was a ball. That was fucking a ball. I think we saw all the Q&A tickets. And one guy handed me a bunch of cash cash and I didn't want to take it.

Something about, oh, because I think his wife monitors his spending. So he stuffed, I don't want to tell you, it was fucking a lot. I thank you, sir. I almost covered that ticket. Well, it took a little of the sting off it. God bless you. All right, let's get on with this fucking abortion. What's the title? I went crypto creep crypto creep this is the big story today apparently a cryptocurrency billionaire

isn't there only one i'm glad i didn't get involved in people you know i i know it's uh monday morning quarterback i don't give a if. If I can't feel it, taste it, and spend it right, whatever. It also felt fucking shady from the very beginning. To me, it did, but that's because I don't know. People are smarter than you and I got involved in it. You know what I mean? People who understand money. Anyways, billionaire, he's facing federal investigation.

Don't worry, buddy. It will never happen. For mishandling customer funds. He had high-level White House meetings just months ago as Congress was debating how to regulate his company. Nice timing. And just weeks before, he pledged to donate up to, get the $1 billion with a B to Democrats ahead of the midterm election.

$1 billion, but he didn't, I don't think. Anyways, he didn't. Doesn't it? Wait a minute. Why is it in the article? It said he didn't write Sam. And this is his name. I can't.

Is this his real name? Because this is this is so stark. Folks, can you get more Jewish in this name? Sam Bankman-Freed. Or Fried. Maybe that's what the guy's writing? Sam Bankman Fried. Because of his problems.

The owner of cryptocurrency exchange FTX. There he is. Looks like an aunt of mine back in the 70s. Met on April 22nd and May 12th with top Biden advisor Steve Ricchetti. That's never good, Ricchetti in Italian. According to White House visitor logs reviewed by the Washington Free Beacon, at the time FTX was lobbying Congress and federal agencies to shape regulation of the crypto industry. What are we doing?

Yeah, you know. What's going on right now? You know, Muppet. The meetings are likely to raise questions about the extent to which Bankman Freed used the promise of political donations to nudge Democrats, nudge, towards helping his firm. See how it works, folks? This is how it works. This is how it works. And I think the Dems are much better at it, believe it or not. I don't know, maybe not. FTX is teetering on the brink of insolvency after announcing it could not fulfill its customer's withdrawal request due to lack of funds, which is what I thought of when

I heard of cryptocurrency. I'm like, and again, okay, it's not Bernie Madoff, but I don't, I still don't get it. Anyway, somebody explained it to me and I said, shut up. He gave more than 5 million. Listen to this. I'll repeat that. Mr. Cryptocurrency gave more than 5 million to Biden's 2020 presidential campaign. Ian has given millions more this cycle to the Democratic Party. You can tell by his haircut he's stupid. In early May, between his first two visits to the White House, Bankman Freed doled out

$865,000 to the DNC, according to the FCC, FEC records. Early in March, he cut three checks,ing $66,500 to Democratic Senate Campaign Committee. And later in June, he sent a quarter of a million dollars to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. Fuck you and your bone spurs.

Gee, I wonder if he's going to get in trouble. Do you understand? He's got leverage over Biden, for Christ's sake. He said in June, you notice he's getting angrier with each picture? And it's not his haircut. Here he is coming out of, here he is coming out of great clips.

He said in June, weeks after his most recent White House meeting, that he might give up to $1 billion with a B to support Democrats in the midterms, though he backed away from that. That's what I was talking about. He backed away from that pledge in September. Bankman Freed, or fried, has made no secret of his plans to influence policymakers, he told former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. Scaramucci, will you do the vandando, thunderbolt and lightning, whatever.

I sound like Dracula. In an interview last month that he has traveled to Washington, D.C. every two or three weeks for the last year to lobby for cryptocurrency regulations, omitting the fact that he had donated significant amounts of money to the lawmakers he lobbied. How is that? That's how it works. Bankman Freed said he was pleasantly surprised at the progress he had made.

Get this through your head, you. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. Guy's smarter than I'll ever be. Really, Nick, you think? I'm not going to jail. Maybe not. He sent a combined $31,000 to campaigns and joint fundraising committees tied to Senator Cory Booker. Oh, he liked the good ones.

Tina Smith, whoever the fuck that is of Minnesota. Rick, oh, Dick Durbin fuck that is of Minnesota. Rick, oh, Dick Durbin. He's still around. Illinois, little Dick Durbin. And Kirsten Gillibrand,

a carpet muncher who I'd, I'd taste. From October 2021 through June. So, oh. It seems foolish

to have all this money lying around. Oh, stop it. You'd rather have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can leer at it?

Oh, come on. Yeah. Money. Money. They were talking about a painting, not money. Money. FTX and the White House did not

respond to requests. Really? They didn't get right back to you and give you every detail of them trying to fuck the taxpayers and tilt the election their way. Do you understand this is very bad for Biden, though? What the fuck? Is it? Yeah, it is, actually,

because they're no longer completely in power. Yeah, so it doesn't look... I mean, they're going to investigate this, obviously. You know? Let's say there's some shady dealing. I don't know. Look, I'm not Alan Dershowitz. I don't know how much you can donate from who, from Papa. I know we passed that law where corporations can donate as much as they want, which is what he's running, I guess. But I'm just saying, if he was scamming people or whatever, then, you know,

Biden takes dirty money and whatever. There's so many other things we can get Biden on. Oh, I don't know, letting half of Mexico and Central America, South America move in. Speaking of that, great segue, Chris the Maggot Magnus resigns. Well, who's that, Nick? The Commissioner of Customs Border Protection, that's CBP. He resigned Saturday after saying he'd been pressured to step down by Homeland Security Secretary and homosexual, I'm kidding, big fag jerk-off, Alejandro Mayorkas, you know, the little Mussolini-looking dick smoker, amid a record number of migrant crossings at, crossings, I'm getting all street. Record number of migrant crossings at, crossings, I'm getting all street.

Crossings at the U.S. border. Yeah, thanks. U.S.-Mexico border. Thank you, Ryder. I would have thought it would have been Germany and New York you were talking about. Bye-bye, dickhead. Yeah. So he's stepping down because he got pressured.

You know, and this is, anyways, you'll see why. Even before I started reading the article, I'm like, this isn't too transparent why they're doing it. The president has accepted the resignation of Christopher Magnus, the commissioner of U.S. Customs and Border Patrol. White House spokesman Kareem Jean-Pierre, she's still there? That ragamuffin little bitch said in a statement, Biden appreciates Magnus' almost 40 years of trying to fuck this country in the ass and contributions to police reform as police chief in, yeah,

you fucking, this guy should be taken out and hanged in front of his children. Send him to Tehran, put him on a crane with a fucking fag. Nick, why do you say shit like that? We're from a place in three U.S. cities. What a, this guy's a cancer. He's a fucking, all right, get up.

Yeah! You dink. Look at him, head tilted like a puppy looking at a fucking moth. Former acting ice director. This is a guy, excuseoth. Former acting ice director. This is a guy, excuse me, former acting ice director. That's smoke. I smoked a lot this weekend,

but I'm good. I've only had 11 today. Listen, former acting ice director under Trump, Thomas Holman. This guy I love. That's not him. He looks gay there. That's him on the right.

Reacts to news of the resignation um here is holman um and this guy i love he always pops up on fox anytime there's something to do with the border and he's got he despises how what's going on um here he is talking about the resignation of Magnus. This Magnus is a fall guy. I said on day one, the day after they nominated him, I did a show with Griff Jenkins. I said, worst pick ever. When he was chief of police in Tucson, he ordered his officers not to cooperate with ICE or CBP at any time. You hear that?

Told the police not to cooperate with ICE at any time. This is the fucking guy that Biden hired. Go ahead. He was involved in public safety threats on his streets. So don't work with Border Patrol. He supported sanctuary cities. He attacked the Trump policies, actually secured the border. So they hired him for his ideology. And he's done everything Alejandro Mayorkas wanted him to do.

They're getting rid of him for one reason. Before they have oversight hearings. They don't want the guy around the oversight hearings. He doesn't fuck what you think. But Alejandro Mayorkas has been telling the truth. Under oath to Congress that the border is secure and it's under control, he ought to be giving Magnus an award, not firing him. Exactly.

I didn't mean to say who gives a fuck what you think, because I do give a fuck what you think. I meant to say this. You are correct, sir. There you go. Look at my shiny forehead. Jesus Christ, what happened? Don't you love him? Yeah, he's fucking amazing.

The worst guy told when they hired him. What the fuck? That's how you know it's all intentional, folks. I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I'm so jaded, man. I just feel like sitting it out. I wish I had a, I don't know, I was going to say a hobby, but I do. I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I'm so jaded, man. I just feel like sitting that out. I wish I had a, I don't know, I was going to say

a hobby, but I do. I play guitar. That's going nowhere. Looking at the violin next week. Anyways, yeah, so that guy had to step down, and can you imagine telling, when he was telling cops not to work with, you know,

fucking, ugh, fucking. So, yeah, so they can blame him, right? All the folks, it's like it's his fault. We know the truth, man. I mean, Biden, you're out there bragging about it. You can't. I want to see who replaces him. AOC.

No, why don't you put Kamala Harris, because she's doing nothing at VP. She seems to have a good grasp on the border. They got to check the trans box, though, so. Check what? The trans box? Well, that's Kamala Harris. You're right. What?

She doesn't have a neck like a fucking, like a pulling guard for the Giants in the 70s? Hey, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all little fucking jerk offs, let me roast your buddy or say happy birthday to your mom as she's going downtown, little place to be downtown. Happy birthday to your mom through Cameo. Dallas has the link on the screen.

Again, it doesn't look like a link to me. It looks like a fucking logo. I don't know. Oh, there it is. I'm sorry. Right above that giant cock of mine. Dallas has the link on the screen. Go there and you can see some of the cameos I've done and order one for yourself if you're

not throwing up blood. Or just go to Cameo and search my name. And you know what that is. That's right. Ruth Buzzy. Headline, Joe Chicken. Have you had the Joe Chicken? You've had the Joe Chicken? President Biden met with Chinese dictator Xi Jinping on Monday, but there was no public mention, get this, of Chinese manufactured fentanyl, a scourge in the United States. What a pussy, Biden, you piece of fucking melon drops. I can tell Xi Jinping, that's like a sarcastic smile. He's going, this old man's got diaper powder on him. He's wiping my coat with. China provides fentanyl to Mexico drug cartels. Can you imagine? It's killing over 100,000

kids basically a year, and this jerk off doesn't bring it up. To Mexican drug cartels, they get the supplies from China. Mexican refines it. Anyways, who in turn smuggled it into the United States where it has devastating impact on communities across the nation. More than 100,000 Americans die from drug overdoses in one year. And they're not even overdoses, folks. You don't have to take more. It kills you instantly, some of it. And they're cutting fucking everything with it from Xanax to whatever. It's actually an act of it. And they're cutting fucking everything with it, from Xanax to whatever.

It's actually an act of war. But because we, this country grew a clit about 50 years ago, I don't know how else to put it. I tried saying that on Meet the Press. They didn't like it. Drug over in one year, according to the Center for Disease Control,

nearly two-thirds of them, the 100,000 deaths, linked to what? Fentanyl. I kill you. I kill you right now. Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Like a somebody. It's so childish, but I love it.

Biden has acknowledged the problem of fentanyl in American communities, but has failed to make it a significant priority. I've never heard him mention it for his administration. What did you say? I got my son some, I sent it to the hotel. We're going to impose tougher penalties for deadly fentanyl trafficking that's poisoning communities across the country. Biden said in 1971, no, Biden said at a campaign event in Pennsylvania in August. How many people have died since then? The president has spent more time blaming assault weapons for deaths in the United States

repeatedly than vowing to ban them nationwide. He's said that more times than even talking about family. I'm going to stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. Do you understand me? Here is Xi Jinping and Biden sharing a glass of their own urine Biden has blood in it obviously because his kidneys are shut in September Democrats blocked in an attempt by Republicans to permanently classify fentanyl related substances as schedule one of the control Act, making it permanently illegal to sell them. In December 2021, Biden announced sanctions against four Chinese pill

manufacturers to disrupt the fentanyl supply chain. Boy, that worked, huh? But it has failed to make a significant impact. Only this jerk off, we can't get like diapers and baby formula, but no problem with that fucking pipeline of drugs. You dirty, rotten scoundrel. China responded by poisoning six pounds of chicken with broccoli. Good night, everybody, with the Chinese old jokes. Responded denying its role in the crisis, instead blaming Americans' addictions to opioids. We urge the U.S. to respect the facts.

This is China talking. Look more to itself for the causes of the fentanyl abuse problem. And objectively, and fairly, evaluate the efforts made by China rather than blaming other countries. They're just slippery lion. Would you trust this prick? Look at him. That guy should be bringing me cold tea at three in the morning. Chinese foreign ministry spokesman Wang Wenbin.

Hey, it's a parking lot, Wang. Said in a press conference about the issue. Yeah, it's our fault. Let me tell you something. We never trust. I never trusted that guy. Who gives a fuck what you think? Exactly.

Let's move on to more Joe business. Joe aborts question. Last month, Biden promised that should Democrats retain control of. By the way, that's still more shenanigans going on. You know, I heard Carrie Lake was fucking whatever. There was like five counties where they know she, you know, they were waiting for those votes to come in. What, she lost now? We end up getting like a one seat edge in the house.

Did I hear this right? You can't believe that. Anyways, you know how I feel. Democrats retain control of Congress after the 2022 midterm elections. I read that and we're talking about the abortion thing. Whatever. Codifying abortion rights would be his number one priority. That's what Jerkoff said.

There he is. He's looking at his approval ratings. Here is the promise I make to you. This is Biden, right? And the American people. Jill, the first bill that I will send to Congress will be to codify Roe versus Wade, Biden said. And then he was hitting the chest with a full Heineken from a pro-lifer. But with Republicans likely taking control of the House

and pro-abortion legislation will be dead on arrival. Well, he's starting to come around. Meanwhile, with Republicans able to filibuster in the Senate, Biden's agenda would encounter an impasse in that chamber, too. Here's Joe speaking in the lobby of the Kowloon restaurant. Take it away. What should Americans expect from Congress as it relates to abortion rights? I don't think they can expect much of anything other than we're going to maintain our positions.

I'm not going to get into more questions. I shouldn't even answer your question. My mom's going to yell at me. No, no, I don't think. I don't even answer your question. My mom's going to yell at me. No, no, I don't think that. I don't think. It's like Juliette Lewis in that movie California when she was drinking with a. No, he's supposed to be drinking anyway.

Go ahead. Let's say what he said. I think there's enough votes to codify unless something happens unusual in the House. I think we're going to get very close in the House, but I don't. I think it's going to be very close, but I don't think we're going to make it. Does every woman that knows sign language have to be the ugliest beast on the fucking planet? Jesus H. Anyhow, so he was being honest there. But how about what he did with the college kids anybody

pick up on that one i didn't even i didn't even make it a story how he told uh right before the election all the college debt would be forgiven and now he's going back on his promise but you know he got their votes they came out they know how to play The Dems are just way smarter than the stupid right. Anyways, Mr. Biden said this after they asked him how he enjoyed his trip overseas. Absolutely. Anyways, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hey, make plans to come see me on the road. Here's where I'll be and when. Anchorage, Alaska on the third of never. January 13th, 14th, comedy off-Broadway in Lexington, Kentucky. I can't wait. Haven't done that. February 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club. Also a new one for me. Lowell,

Arkansas. There's only a few states that I haven't touched in my career, and there's two of them. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of KC. That's in Tehran. That'll be a trip. Kansas City, Missouri. April 21 and 22, the Funny Bone, St. Louis, and St. Charles, Missouri. Last time I did St. Charles, it's a kind of a resort place with a hotel, and the Mennonites, is that what they call? They dress like, you know what I'm talking about, Mennonites? That that what they're called? They dress like, you know what I'm talking about, Mennonites? That's where they go, like the vacation and shit.

I had never, yeah, I go out to the pool and there's women in the pool with their bonnets on and their dresses and shit. I'm trying to go under with a snorkel. Not much there.

You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com and click on the tour button, okay? I, oh, wait. Jay Leno. What's the headline? Jay's hot rod.

I like Jay. I like him a lot. Had many beefs over this guy's with other comics and shit. Young comics don't know him as a comic, and he was as fucking good as anybody. I don't give a fuck. When people ask, I never think to mention him when people ask about my influences. Those, when he did those Letterman sets, Letterman would have him on like three times a month in the 80s.

That's how funny he was. And he would just steal the show. And, you know, he's from my neck of the woods and shit. And, you know, whatever. Most people know him for The Tonight Show. But he was really funny. Anyways, you know, whatever. Most people know him for the Tonight Show, but he was really funny. Anyways, you know how he loves, he's got zillions.

Like Dallas says, he's got an airplane hangar, probably two filled with, he collects cars. Like, you know, kids collect matchboxes. That few people in your late hundreds. Jay Leno recovering from burn injuries. When I heard that,

here was my first guess. It has to be hot grease from an Arby's or a BK. Why? He lives on that shit. That's what I love. He says, that's all I eat, which is, I fucking love it. Anyways, I guess he was working on a car, as he always does, and a gasoline fire. I don't know.

We got footage of something. I don't even know what it is. Let's take a look. Lino is very much into cars, and he has one of the most famous car collections there are right here in the Los Angeles area. He was allegedly there working on one of these cars when it reportedly burst into flames.

According to TMZ, he is right now in a burn center being treated for his wounds. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. I like how she uses the word allegedly. Everything is now allegedly, regardless of the story. And do you know why that is? I'll tell you why. Because we live under the threat of lawsuits.

No matter what you say, no matter what you do, that's what's happened. And I'm going to tell you people one more time to buy a book and it's called The Death of Common Sense. I forget who wrote it, it's the best book I ever read on how it explains that. Anyways, I got some, this is Jay talking, I got some theories burned from a believe it got the lead fire. He says I am okay, just need a week or two to get back on my feet. No truth to the rumor that Conan O'Brien set a bomb inside the car. Look at that one. That looks like a toy.

But it's real. Same with Seinfeld. He likes his Porsches. Leno said in a statement to the publication, he needs a week to get back on his feet and whatnot. What the hell's going on out here? I don't know. That's why I play the guitar. CNN has reached out to representatives for Leno for comment. Amy Bennett, a hospital spokesperson, told CNN statement that Leno is in stable condition.

And he said he's like a Dorito. They'll make more. No. He's in good humor and is touched by an angel or an uncle. What is that? He's touched by all the inquiries into his condition and well wishes, the statement said. He wants to let everyone know he's doing well and is in the best burn center in the United States.

My eyes! I like Jay. I told you the first time I did Tonight Show. He comes back, which is cool. Letterman would never do this. When I did Letterman, nobody could be in the hallway when he came down on the elevator. Jay comes right in my room. I'm getting dressed. hallway when he came down on the elevator. Jay comes right in my room. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting

my pants on my underwear, putting on my pants. He goes, you already got the job. You don't have to do that. And like, I was so nervous it almost went over my head. Leno, 72 years old, canceled an appearance at the Financial Brand Forum, opening for Nick DiPaolo.

Conference in Vegas on Sunday, according to a report by People Magazine, citing a bunch of fat pigs. Jay, get well soon, brother man. Finally tonight on Meet the Press, man or dyke on bike? Do I have to be offensive? Why not? Do I have to be offensive? Why not? A transgender athlete took the top spot in an elite women's division cycling race in Massachusetts over the weekend. You're a loser.

You always be a loser. It's just the latest example of trans athlete dominance. You mean guy over woman dominance, you fucking cum stain Trans-athlete dominance that is critics claiming a lack of fairness Finally the critics are right in women's sports over transgender Inclusion it's amazing and you don't hear anything from feminists this they're eliminating women if I could you'd think they'd be You think they'd have their balls, you know? and you don't hear anything from feminists, they're eliminating women.

You'd think they'd be, you'd think they'd have their balls. You know what I mean? Sports organizations continue to face backlash for perceivably prioritizing inclusivity over concerns about fairness. That's a smokescreen, inclusivity. They're just trying to upend society as we know it. They use that as a smokescreen.

Same with inclusivity on fucking college campuses. It's all a smokescreen. Otherwise, everything would be white, straight, and male. There, I said it. Good night. Enjoyed my comedy career. Austin Killips. Gotta be killing me.

Look, that's a... Is that when he's a guy or a girl? That's him now, right? That's him now, and then here he is... He's not a badass. Before. Look, that's a Is that when he's a guy or a girl? That's him now, right? That's him now and then here he is. Not a badass. Before. Look at, look, look. Can't you just tell the mouth? That's an ugly girl. Austin Killips, a

27-year-old transgender woman, claimed victory in the Verge-Northampton International Cyclocross held in Northampton on November 12th. I did that a couple of years ago. Boy, I came in 11th. Her winning time, her winning time. How about its winning time was 50 minutes, 25 seconds. I didn't like this. I don't know. It's hard to ride a bike on the grass. All kinds of dog shit and meadow muffins. Go ahead. Let's take a look at stupid beating a bunch of girls. Yay!

Okay. That's good. Throwing your son looks like a fad to me. That was the comment from the president of the race. See them all proud. Like I said, I don't mind that you transition. Hey, you feel what you feel, whatever. But this type of shit

is where you're losing people. Okay? That makes you a dick that you convince yourself, I am a girl and I just beat other girls. And if you don't know otherwise, you're in denial. Actually, that's why people go, mental illness.

It's a little creepy to me. I don't mind your, you know, trans- They're like, oh, thanks, Nick. Whatever, I'm just saying. Don't enter any arm wrestling competitions against chicks. Especially not the big dick competition. You'll win that one on personality. Second place went to 17-year-old Kevin. Seen here with his hand caught up her ass.

Second place went to 17-year-old Ava Holmgren of Canada. See, now she would have won. Do you understand, folks? Who was just one second slower than this fucking half a fag. Third place went to fellow American Lizzie Gonzalez. Great name. A 19-year-old who has an ass like a nectarine and who's going to raffle off her bike seat. Who was just six seconds slower than the winner. Critics lambasted Killipin's win.

Many took issue with Northampton International's event. Is this in Massachusetts, Northampton? Yeah, here you go. Out west, Hippieville. A lot of people took issue with the event policy of allowing her to compete. I mean him. It says her, I mean him,

in the women's field. Some likened it to cheating and others congratulated Holmgren and Gonzalez instead of Killips, as they were both born female. And they're pissed. I don't blame you, sugar cup. It is. All right, cupcake. I heard you, lollipop. My vagina is furious. Yeah, it also needs a powdering. Yet according to the rules, Killips is allowed to compete in the women's division. In fact, Northampton International seemingly celebrates the inclusion of trans athletes in the event inclusion policy because they're liberals and they have no conception

of actually playing sports, most of them, so they wouldn't understand. The Northampton International organization firmly believes that all attendees should have an equal opportunity to participate in our events, regardless of their race, color, religion, disability, age, gender, identity, sexual orientation, or national origin. I can't even address it. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. So fucking stupid.

So why aren't there guys in there? Exactly. Is that what I'm missing? Why aren't there fucking professional cyclists in there? Again, that's their... I can't. We're going over. I just want to choke somebody. Somebody with a giant that's the that's there. I can't we're going over I just want to choke somebody somebody with a giant Adam's apple and a wig We recognize that participation in sport is a human right the policy continues

See how they they turn everything political they tie it into human rights and take the fun out of fucker We strive to create an enjoyable event for people that have clams and hot dogs, for those currently active in cyclocross, in all the different ways they participate and inviting one for those who have not joined us yet. I'm serious, guys who bike on the week, show up, win the Faka thing. Push him off his bike or it. Anyways, that is it. Again, thank you for those of you who came out this weekend in Florida. I actually had a great time, even though, again, I was messing with the law. Jesus Christ.

My insurance is going to go through the fire. Anyways, I do all right. That's it. You guys think and I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow, which is Wednesday. All right? Have a good day.

Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar soloサブタイトル キミノミヤ