The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dems In Deep DooDoo | Nick Di Paolo Show #1303

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Is The Red Wave Coming? Dems MAGA Plan Backfiring. Leftist Media Already Planning Denials. Chappelle to Host SNL. Heather Grahamn an Idiot. Bag Man Busted.

Please take a moment and share today's show with someone who appreciates free speech and great comedy. In other words, not a Democrat. oh Oh yeah, it's a big day, November 8th. You know, Nami, a lot of voting going on here, a lot of cheating. How are you folks? It's election Tuesday, whatever the fuck that means, if you guys still believe in that shit. Because personally, after the last one, I don't know that I'm even going today. I'm going to be honest with you.

That's how cynical I am, but, you know. You know what's funny about Georgia? How suppressing the vote with, you know, all these Republican laws suppressing the vote, biggest turnout in the history of fucking Georgia. You guys have got nothing right on the left. I don't mean to be partisan, but you're making it too easy. I don't even like to be political, but, you know, apparently to become huge in comedy,

you have to be a real hack to become a multi-billionaire. Once in a while, you get a few talents, Louis and Chappelle. So I grabbed onto this fucking political thing just to ride the horse out till I'm dead. It's working pretty good. Fuck your sister, Democrats. What else? That's it. I had a good time. Take care.

Gotta get this fixed. Head to the dentist. I'll be sitting in a chair for the next two hours as soon as I get out of here. You know, because they fixed it in fucking three and a half months ago. They call it permanent. Put people on the, I don't want to say the old moon thing, but we can.

Can't keep, really? Okay. You can give girls perfect fake tits. Guys, vaginas, and can't fix this, you fuckers? All right, I don't mind looking like a fucking pirate. Aye, aye thee. Um, Dallas has cancer we think. Fuck, I never heard anybody clear their throat so much in my life. Um, what are we doing here? Dems and Doo Doo.

This is gonna be kind of a dry show folks. I'm gonna let you know right up front. Because it's election day. We pretend to do politics when we really want to fucking brawl. I hope Stacey Abrams gets some type of, I'm sure she's got diabetes. I'm just hoping one of her feet falls. What a big, fat, lying, black, ugly bitch. I'm so tired, and Warnock is just the dumbest-looking, I'm a pastor first, and then a politician. You better just stay a pastor. You suck. I think this is going to be... They're saying there's a lot of toss-ups in the Senate, whatever the fuck.

How is that even possible? Even that gets my dander up. In a year like this year, where we, literally the worst administration in the history of this country. I mean, people jumping parties. How can anything be a toss-up anywhere? I'll ask that until I'm blue in the face. And you know what? It's going to get, it's, the Democrats aren't going to lay down, even though they're going to get bludgeoned. They're going to make up all kinds of shit. And that's going to lead to civil war eventually.

You can't be playing checkers against your brother, you know, and you fucking both accuse each other of cheating. It's going to end up in a fistfight. Don't you think so? They're not going to. Dems and doo-doo. Let's pretend it's a perfect world uh final midterm poll projections this is from uh what was it the english paper there whatever the fuck

the guardian a final midterms poll projection shows republicans with a grip on the house majority just a grip they're not anally raping the democrat uh a grip on the House majority, just a grip, they're not anally raping the Democrats. A grip on the House majority and picking up three seats in the Senate, I guess that gives them a majority. I mean, that's right, because it's like fucking one seat different. With less than 24 hours until millions of Americans pretend they mean something. Americans start heading to the polls. I guess this was written yesterday. I'm excited.

Boy, is this great! In their last prediction, based on poll averages, who am I talking about? Politico? I forget. Has, look at it. This is how it's written. Has thee with 53 Senate seats. When the votes are counted and picking up

at least 15 in the House race, they mean Republicans, picking 15 up in the House race is to take their total to 227 with the winning 174. Can somebody help me? What does that mean? This is an actual fucking article. I'm glad they're not doing the winning powerball number.

34 races for Congress are still considered toss-ups, which I find hard to fucking believe. There's that many stupid people in this country. Apparently there are. But it's becoming clear that Republicans have the momentum. Despite the Democrats making a small comeback in the closing stages, there is the proof that the Republicans have the momentum. That's a tattoo I'm getting on my chest. That's what they should give you for an I voted sticker. that's what they should give you for an i voted sticker biden's low approval and uh voters trusting republicans to deal with the economy

crime you know basically daily life have turned the tables towards the gop in recent that's right he's pulling the party down isn't it beautiful you? You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. You got that right, Jill. He is a real stiff. Surveys have also shown white suburban bitches, I mean women, and black bitches and Latino bitches, voters, moving to the Republicans. I'll call them women now. Fed up with rising prices and dildos and all kinds of vibrators. Good night, everybody. And surging violence across the country. I'm as mad as hell,

and I'm not going to take this anymore! That was a gay woman who's had it with the Democrats. It is a dire sign for the Democrats who focused their early campaigning on abortion. Because, you know, everybody cares about that, especially the dirty little whores. Spending more than $300 million on ads on the issue alone. Do you see how out of touch they are? And I'm going to do another story later on that proves they're so out of touch.

And the danger the GOP poses to democracy. So you prove you're dangerous by voting. Actually participating in democracy is going to end democracy, according to the Democrats, by you voting for the wrong people. Just let that sink in for a second. That's how stupid they think. Just on that alone, the whole country should be insulted, both Democrat and Republican. But we're retarded.

More than 40 million Americans have already voted according to the United States election project, far ahead of the 2018 levels, and suggesting there could be a record turnout. I think I've heard this the last five elections. This includes more than two and a half million in Georgia, despite those racist election integrity laws passed that the Democrats suggested could suppress turnout. So you're wrong on another thing. These aren't little things. I've never seen anybody wrong so consistently than the Dem Party. wrong so consistently than the Dem Party. The Senate races are going down to the wire. I can't believe that either. With candidates in the key swing states of New Hampshire, Arizona,

Pennsylvania, that's where you're going to see all the bullshit. You're going to, oh, we're not going to know for weeks. Oh, they did this. This law is wrong. They broke this law. Don't think you're going to know anything when you go to bed tonight, folks, other than your penis is still small.

Arizona, Pennsylvania, and Georgia separated by less than one point in the closing polls. Bye-bye, Democrats. All right, cocaine. Anybody? God fucking damn. Right before I went to bed, I walked by the kitchen. I open a fridge. I'm like, yeah, piece of fruit.

No. Exactly. Piece of fruit. I open. No, there's a fucking box of fried chicken from Publix. Is there a better fucking 1 a.m. snack? I go, I'll just have a wing. I get food stuck in this hole. I'm fucking 1 a.m. snack I go I'll just have a wing I get food stuck in

this hole you just seen the bones on the kitchen it looked like a fucking yeah look like there's a Holocaust they exhumed somebody fucking unbelievable then I wake up to smoke all this this acid in my stomach, chicken just sliding around and shit. Oh, God, help me. That's why I look like I'm 400 pounds. Good night, everybody. Thank you, Democrats, is the next story. Well, what does that mean? Here's the story that proves that they don't even, I say this with all sincerity, you don't even, you do politics for a living and you suck at that. I'm guessing you do that because you can't do anything else. Mostly, and this goes for both sides. Anybody who's been in D.C. their whole life, they've never had a real job.

And they produce something or make something. You know what I mean? So they go into politics where you can just yap and you can't even do this right. Listen to how stupid. This is proof they have no business doing what they do I'm talking Dems right now Democrats plan to bankroll they play they already did this okay their plan to bankroll MAGA Republicans in the primaries to tee up easy victories in the general elections blew up in their

faces with some of the hook of those unelectable Trump-backed candidates headed for victory. So in other words, in the primaries, they went in there and they see, you know, two Republicans battling it out and they're like, this one's so extreme, we ought to help him win so he'll get smoked in the general. So they put money against that person's opponent. And that person ends up winning. He's the one that's supposed to be extreme.

Like Carrie Lake. They actually bankroll victories for the Republicans. Where am I? In Arizona, Republican Carrie Lake, who I'd like to throw a bone to, I've got to be honest. She was an anchorwoman. Look at, she's wiping her chest off right now. What the fuck is the matter with you, Sean Hannity?

Beautiful. I think she's beautiful. In Arizona, Republican Carrie Lake, boosted by Democrats in the August 2nd Republican primary, is leading. I repeat, they fucking helped her thinking she's going to get smoked. She's leading Democrat Katie Hobbs in the governor's race by several percentage points. We've shown clips of her. She puts people in their place. You know

what? Because she was a newscast, actually one that actually had a brain. She didn't just read the shit. In New Hampshire, Senate helped Republican Don Baldock onto the general election ballot. They helped him on the agenda. And now he has closed in on Democrat incumbent Maggie Hassan. Can you imagine a Republican and he's getting fucking financial help from the other side and it blows up in their face. If that's not enough evidence to show how out of touch they are, because they're calling guys like him extreme. Yeah, he's extreme. He wants to lower gas prices, you know, bring pork chops down to, you know, 40 bucks a pound instead of 150.

Yeah, that makes him extreme. He wants, you know, more cops on the street. That's, they're fucking, those are extreme. Ms. Lake and Mr. Bulldog are among several examples of midterm meddling by Dems who spent money in the primaries to help put Trump-endorsed extreme Republicans on November ballots to fire up the Democratic base and win over independents. It couldn't have worked worse. Independents are poor to the Republicans. And even some Republicans wary of the former U.S. president. Oh, my.

It's so stupid. It's so stupid.S. president. Oh, my. This is stupid. This is stupid. So much stupid. They are. They're tone deaf. They have no idea. Yet the Trump-endorsed candidates aren't failing,

according to plan. They're closing in, even winning battleground races, Ms. Lake, a former Phoenix television news anchor and Nick DiPaolo fan, has pulled several penises in the last three, I'm sorry, has pulled several points ahead of the Democrat nominee for governor, Secretary of State Katie Hobbs. Boy, her glasses just say I'm a cunt.

I'm a cunt who's offended by anything I disagree with. That's what your glasses and your gray hair says. And let me tell you something, bitches. Guys don't like that look. I don't give a 70. Diet red like Lucy. Anyways, Ms. Lake made it on the November ballot with some help from Arizona Democrats, who days before the primary sent out a warm thank you to Ms. Lake,

Republican opponent Karen Taylor Robson, for her longtime financial support to help elected Democrat candidates. Senate Majority PAC, which is aligned with Senate Majority Leader Chuckie Schumer of New York, listen to this, spent 3.2 mil on ads that essentially boosted the candidacy of Mr. Bolduc. This is the New Hampshire guy. A retired Army Brigadier General and Trump-backed conservative in the New Hampshire Republican primary. The PAC ran ads portraying Mr. Bolduc's moderate Republican opponent, State Senate President Chuck Morse, as another sleazy politician bound to the Republican Washington establishment. He does have that look. If I'm making a movie, I want a sleazy Republican.

He looks like John Oliver playing Newt Gingrich. Doesn't he? That's what that looks like. Or Newt Gingrich. Doesn't he? That's what that looks like. Or Newt Gingrich's gay brother, Kevin Gingrich. Kevin. Kevvy, Mr. Baldick is now tied with Ms. Hassan, according to several polls. That is just fucking beautiful.

All right, just get the hell out of here. Democrats bankrolled other Republican candidates That is just fucking beautiful. Democrats bankrolled other Republican candidates in the primaries. According to a Washington Post analysis, the party spent nearly $53 million in nine states in primaries this cycle to amplify

conservative Republican candidates who they viewed as easy to beat. How can you... And people said, you know, they have to answer to donors, these fucking politicians. You know what I mean? Some fucking rich fucks gave Chuck Schumer a lot of money and that's what he did with it?

You ended up getting the opponents elected? To me, that's it. You'd have to quit politics. Like, it's like if you're on a baseball team, and you know what I mean? And you don't run out three ground balls. You don't even run out of the box. No, you're not seeing the field the rest of the fucking year.

That was a dumb analogy. Can't happen. I have the Astros on my mind. Anybody stabbed at the parade yesterday? I'll tell you who I love. I was watching last night. I am becoming... I always have been a slight...

Fucking Ravens. I love the way they play. Harbaugh is this old school, still uses a fullback. Nobody else does that, right? With all these spread off. He still has... And it's the kid from University of Maine, Ricard.

He's over 300 pounds and he's in the backfield. He runs out of that, catches passes, and he blocks like Moose Johnston used for Emmitt Smith. 300- something pounds. He must have paralyzed people up at Maine.

Anyways, did you see them last night at all? That's what I call a utility back. Yeah. Utility bulldozer. I mean, when he picks up a linebacker, he knocks the helmet off. He's fucking. And they always have physical defenses. I don't know. Maybe it's the uniform. You know what I was thinking last night? He's fucking, and they always have physical defenses.

I don't know, maybe it's the uniform. You know what I was thinking last night? They're sort of like this century's version of the Raiders. I was about to say the Steelers maybe even, too. Yeah, we're Steelers, Raiders, yes. Very physical, old school football. And now they get that Raquan Smith is it from the Bears is that his last name

Raquan anyways the guy's like a fucking unbelievable linebacker and now he's a raven and made some big anyways want to buy some shit I just feel like rambling politics you know. Head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more.

It's yet another way for you to support the show and look good at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the NICCA shirts. Just go to nickdip.com, click on the store button. Again, that's Kevin mccuddle cuddy dot winder alright let's move on lefty media douches douche nozzles launch proactive election denials there already they're already starting. The corporate media spent years denying the results of the 2016 presidential election and are already laying the groundwork to question and deny the 2022 midterm election results.

You fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. I was laughing yesterday because I'm reading articles. You know how after Biden supposedly won the last election and anybody who questioned it, the Dems' answer was

it was the fairest, most safe. Remember? The safest election ever run, they said, as far as cheating, preventing cheating. It was the safest most secure election ever. Here we are, not even two years later, and they're claiming

the machines are going to be hacked and shit. The same shit. So all of a sudden, because they're going to get fucking destroyed in this election, the equipment's faulty and there's plenty of room for cheating. You fucking people stink at everything. I'm not even a political science major. I can see through your shit.

I'm sitting home just laughing. The election deniers at the far left Politico, an outlet that pushed the Russia collusion hoax, get rid of political too, like few others, have already published a list of six security threats to watch for on election day. And that has nothing to do with you guys being down on every poll and about to get destroyed, does it? I'm sure you would have done this, you know. The list includes everything from hacking to misinformation to Nick saying, Fuck you! Fuck you! Oh, do you mean misinformation like this? This was in Breitbart. They listed the misinformation over the last, I don't know how many,

Russia collusion hoax, hands up don't shoot hoax, Jussie Smollett hoax, Covington kids hoax, very fine people hoax, seven hour gap hoax, global warming hoax, Russian bounties. Remember they said they were the soldiers, Russian bounty hoax, Trump trashes troops hoax, policemen killed at mostly peaceful January 6th protest hoax, and they're still saying that one, Rittenhouse hoax, eating while black hoax, that was the Darby, wasn't it? Yeah, border agents whipping illegals hoax, NASCAR noose hoax, the Georgia Jim Crow 2.0 hoax, Trump assaulted secret service agents and grabbed the steering wheel of the beast hoax, Trump had USS McCain covered up hoax. That's just some of them. Can you imagine the shameless hacks at Politico even added disqualifier.

The 2020 presidential election was rife with allegations of voting machine hacks that were later debunked. Yet there are real risks that hackers could tunnel into voting equipment and other election Liar! Liar! Liar! Yet there are real risks that hackers could tunnel into voting equipment and other election infrastructure to try to undermine Tuesday vote. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. This is actually ABC putting out some nice propaganda. I want you to take note of this guy's mustache. He's on the Sunday morning shows.

He's just a puppet, just a shill for the left. Pretends to be an objective. It is sickening. I don't know why I kept watching Sunday shows up until about eight years ago. I think Ann Colt is... I remember mentioning that to her like 10 years ago. She goes, you still watch that show? I go, I don't that to her like 10 years ago. Did you still watch that? I go, I don't do this shit for a living like you do.

But listen to this stupid, the Democrats trying to stir up possible election fraud coming. There's good news, but also some news that's a bit unsettling. Let's start with the good news. I recently spoke to the Homeland Security Secretary, and he said there's no evidence of hacking in any state or anything significant that should affect people's ability to go out and cast a vote and be confident it will be counted. What authorities are paying close attention to is the potential that domestic extremists could attack down the stretch to the midterm elections. That assault against the Speaker's husband was another wake-up call. term elections. That assault against the speaker's husband was another wake-up call. No specific plot has been uncovered, but the amount of online chatter in the dark corners... Pause. Pause.

The amount of online chatter in the dark corners, in other words, three people out of the three trillion, even if it's three people, we don't even know that, out of the three trillion people chatting online in the dark corners, Do you hear what he just said? And there was no specific plan uncovered. And we know Paul Pelosi, that had nothing to do with fucking politics. Guy made hemp jewelry, was from Berkeley, California,

and a nudist. And they have the gall to put this shit out. You fucking people who vote Democrat, wake the fuck up. Are you that you just really you just want to win that but you don't care you just want to win you don't care because you will destroy democracy with this shit fucking what is with that mustache the fuck are you doing dude uh is there more?

Let's see. Social media does have them concerned. Oh, it's got them concerned. Be careful. They'll be Klansmen. Oh, wait a minute. They said domestic terrorists. That would be... You know what that is? That's actually women with school children who might attack you at the...

What a piece of cheese that jerk off is. Liar! Liar! Liar! People at home going, where did he get that? Well, anybody under 70 might not know. I'm all riled up. I think I'll go in there with coffee breath today.

Yeah, how are you? Maybe I'll go get some onion rings and eat a shit sandwich with my... Fuck it. I didn't even know that was coming. In our libs eating libs segment tonight, we'll get off the politics a little bit. Saturday Night Live is facing backlash. How many times have we heard backlash? How many times have people faced backlash in this country in the last, I don't know, five years?

And where's the backlash coming from? A small group of nerdy, unhappy, angry, left-wing jerk-offs on Twitter and social media. Facing back, you think Saturday night, you think Lorne Michaels gives a thick about backlash after, what is it, season 108? It's publicity, number one. Anyways, SNL's facing backlash after it was announced

comedian Dave Chappelle will host the show November 12th. Which I'm happy about. I'm a big Chappelle fan. But the point being is, you think if it was a white comic of his stature who pissed off the trans community, he'd be getting a second shot at hosting it or whatever. I don't know how many times he's hosted it. You think they'd ever get a second shot at hosting NA, or whatever, how many times he's hosted it, you think they'd ever get another second, just think about that, before you make

Chappelle out to be this hero, okay, he's black, he gets a pass, he was right, I'm saying what he was pushing, and I'm glad he's done, I'm just saying, don't make him out to be a fucking martyr, it's still proof of this country, you know, yeah, he pushes the envelope. Just like, and I'll bring it up again for the hundredth time, Tracy Morgan saying if his baby's gay, he'd kill it. And he was punished by getting a new series on TBS. So just remember that when you people go, is cancel culture real?

I talked to a guy from fucking Daily Beast yesterday. Tommy sent me a message saying, some kid from the Daily Beast wants to interview you about, oh, Elon Musk and Twitter and the Kathy Griffin beef and shit. And the kid was so fucking brainwashed. I could tell he was young. He was writing a story of Queen. And I said, he brought up Kimmel and said,

Sarah Sullivan's a fucking idiot. He's like, what are you just? I said, he brought up Kimmel and I said, Sarah Sullivan's a fucking idiot. He's like, what are you just? I said, she's a fucking idiot. Kimmel's a fucking idiot who I used to like. He's like, I got to write this. Yeah, you hit the jackpot, asshole. He goes, but Elon Musk, but Elon Musk is canceling her. Isn't he being a hypocrite?

I go, let me explain it to you, dude. I said, how long you been working there? I can tell you're fucking fried already. No, he says she can't parody his account, which is a good thing for everybody, whether you're Democrat, left-wing, radical, celebrity, right, left. It's good for everybody. I said, do you want somebody parodying your fucking account? I said, you could get away with with it but with a guy like me who's known as a righty somebody and somebody was doing it parodying my account and and putting all kinds of racist shit i get canceled do you get it i said that's not he goes he's that makes him a hypocrite i go how what are you talking about it It's for everybody. That's the rules. Kid writes for the fucking Daily Beast.

Probably watching this right now. Sorry, kid. What the fuck you're thinking about? I'm just saying, get out of there. Run. Get the hell out of there before they poison you. Wow. It's the New York area.

It's just poison. Anyways, Chappelle's going to host. That's this Saturday. I'll be on the stage. God damn it. Chappelle, who was slammed for making statements about the trans community in his 2021 special, The Closer. Boy, did it really hurt him, huh? Was revealed as the host through the show's Twitter account.

Wait, I thought I canceled him. Is it possible cancer culture isn't real? A real thing? Tweeted ex-Netflix employee Tara Field. Please give me a call. Field, who was a co-vice president of Netflix's transgender employee resource group. What is that? What in my mother's tits is that?

President of Netflix transgender employee resource group resigned from the streaming platform in November last year in protest over the comedy special and later led a walkout according to Newsweek. So she or he, whatever it is, is saying this is proof that there is no cancel culture.

Well, when it comes to somebody as famous and rich and black as Dave Chappelle, you're right, dinkweed. Chappelle hosts SNL again as a slap in the face to trans people. How about a kick in your vagina and nuts? Tell me. Including one of their own new cast members tweeted another, what the hell, Lorne?

Oh, God. Your son looks like a fag to me. Lorne, now, come on, don't say that. The Post reached out to Chappelle and SNL reps for comment. In the special, yeah, let's rehash this, right? In the special, the 49-year-old comedian

defended embattled Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, saying that they are both on Team TERF, that's T-E-R-F, which stands for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists. How do I get on that team? I'm there. I'm the captain. Chappelle also said that a gender is a fact. I love this. This is my favorite statement.

It's pretty. Every human being in this room, every human being on Earth, had to pass through the legs of a woman to be on Earth. My vagina's angry. Well, you had a lot of people passing through. It is. It's pissed off. It smells good. My vagina is furious. And it needs to talk. It's pissed off. It smells good. My vagina is furious.

And it needs to talk. Let's listen to more. It needs to talk about all this shit and it needs to talk to you. What did I do? It is the deal. An army of people out there thinking up ways to torture my poor ass, gentle loving vagina. That's a feminist

trying to be funny? They just, they suck at life. Can I just say that? No wonder why you hated me in high school. I was good. Tor Reid. Oh, I just pulled a Joe Biden.

Make plans to come and see me on the road. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates, if you forgot from three seconds ago, including this weekend. And this is Tommy cutting and pasting, pretending he's working for me. This weekend in Florida, Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club. That's this Friday. Next night, the 12th, Snappers Comedy Club in Fort Myers. The next night after that, this Sunday night, Sidesplitters Comedy Club in Tampa. Friday, the 13th and 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway. This is in January, by the way, in Lexington,

Kentucky. Friday, February 3rd and the 4th, Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. Friday, March 11th and the 12th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City, Kansas City, Missouri. Get tickets at nickdip.com. Let's move on, shall we? Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich! You better ask nicer than that. Boogie night star, Heather Graham. Still a piece of ass. Heather Graham has made an unconventional appeal to Wisconsin voters to elect Democrats in Tuesday's midterm. So that should have a big effect.

Talk about somebody wanting to try to stay relevant. And she should. Anybody who's fuckable should be out there for me to yank it to. Tuesday's midterms citing the state's anti-abortion law as a reason to support candidates. Boy, they just never get it. Including Senate hopeful Mandela Barnes. I wonder what color that is. Mandela's on the left, by the way, the white guy. And that's Tony Evers on the right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Mandela. You're gonna fucking break, will you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And look at the girl already waiting for me on her. The Hollywood actress wore a cut-off T-shirt reading, I will aid in abet murdering babies.

Looks good, don't you? Looks good, don't you? Jake? I will aid in abet abortion while shaking her boobs provocatively at the camera. Let's see if it was provocative enough for me. Oh. I see you girls are living life at a breakneck pace. Real busy, aren't you, out there?

Hey, hey, hey, Amber, get your fucking... Amber? I just called her Amber. I'm confusing my dumb blunts. Hey, Heather, get your flip phone. We'll make a... I think it'll have an impact. Should have lifted up your shirt.

I might have fucking voted for killing babies. You got to commit, you know what I'm saying? All I can say to... What happened to my... You fucking... She's a little whore. No whore and a little piece of trash. No, she ain't. No, she is not.

Wisconsin has the oldest anti-abortion law in the country, preventing a lot of doctors from providing abortions to women and is one of the tightest races this election, she tweeted. Support Mandela Barnes and Tony Evers because these men have vowed to protect women, yet not babies. It's Heather's vagina. Come on out of there, you little bat. Come on. My conservative flock don't like that. Graham is the latest Hollywood star to medal in Wisconsin midterm races. Look, it's a benefit to her, too. I mean, she gets some, you haven't heard much from her,

have you lately? On Sunday, Disney Marvel actor Mark Ruffalo, who is the fucking absolute most left-wing douche. His face makes me angry. I want to punch it. He's a whiny little cunt. Ugh.

And Don Cheadle, who was handed a career, just a mediocre, could be any black guy. I love my people. Yeah, but he was great in boogie. Anybody would have been good in boogie nights. He's boring. One thing black people aren't is boring,

and this is what Hollywood chose to, this bland, does nothing for me. If you guys only knew how easy acting is, you'd agree. Don Cheadle, headline these two smuts. Headline virtual superhero themed fundraiser. That's right. Keep that nerd fucking image up right to your death. To support Wisconsin Democrats up and down the ballot.

Then they went and played with Barbie dolls and fingered each other. The cast of the NBC's West Winged. It says West. Oh, that's supposed to be two words. West Wing and West Winged. And HBO's Veep recently held a crossover reunion fundraiser bringing in 700 grand for Wisconsin Democrats. Who did that? Okay, enough about them.

Let's go on to me. Big, big. Bag man busted. A Washington man was caught on video, a black kid amongst many black kids, running into a play glass window as he attempted to get away with luxury stolen goods knocking himself unconscious authorities said oh did they oh me the brazen robbery happened in broad daylight at a Louis Vuitton store in Bellevue, Washington State. Let's take a look at the running back running to daylight and getting stuffed in the hole by Ray Lewis.

Watch this fucking genius. Is that a security guy that's watching? Bang. Holy shit. You got knocked the fuck out, man. Now the cops come in and do something to security you see him watching just watching because he's black too he don't you don't think he fucking he's like go ahead i don't give a fuck are you kidding me i reparations in the form of Louis Vuitton bag the 17 year old suspect apparently the dog said they he'd knocked some sense into himself got a

job at Arby's 17 year old suspect grabbed handbags worth 18 grand there was a bunch of them by the way black guys off displays and tried to dart out of the store. I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all, and I'm blacker than black, and I'm... You got knocked the fuck out, man. You did, man. Who? First of all, I don't picture a big market for Louis Vuitton in Washington State. You know what I'm saying?

However, the suspect appeared to run into trouble when he knocked himself out by running to play glass. Have you ever done, I've walked into one. Oh yeah, when they're really clean. My mother keeps it spotless and I was like, I go, why do you? So then I went, you know, I blew a snot on it and it dried. She goes, what are you doing? Well, I know it's the prosecutor said the 17 year old whose name was not released. I'll make it up. Tyrone, Tyrone, because he is a juvenile, was part of a retail crime suffering. The outlet reported more than 50 repeat offenders have been arrested in Bellevue.

Unbelievable. Repeat, folks. That means they're not being stopped at all, if you're wondering, for retail robbery and shoplifting, according to the report. The county has charged 59 organized retail theft cases so far this year.

You're entitled to shit. Exactly what I said. All right, that's it. That is it, ladies and gentlemen. Unless you are a monthly subscriber, I got a story coming up about, you know, those rider apps,

you know, Uber and Lyft. Well, guys, people are using those to, like, kidnap kids and pedophile, you know, because we're a rotten species. So I got a good story for you. If, again, if you're a rotten species. So, I've got a good story for you, if, again, if you're a monthly subscriber. To the rest of you, again, don't forget

Cameo.com if you'd like me to roast a friend or relative, go to Cameo.com. You guys think that I will say it? You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a good day. Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music