The Nick DiPaolo Show - DEMS In Denial of Donald's Decision | Nick Di Paolo Show #279

Episode Date: January 8, 2020

Pelosi and Kaepernick, two peas in a pod. Iran leader OK defends killing gay people. Judge Judy backs Bloomberg. Kevin Bacon couldn't get footloose. MONDAY - THURSDAY 9PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

Welcome to the Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Hey! Hey! Yeah, welcome back.

How are you? Been gone a long time. That hit that I did on Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I think that might have been fucking leading with a helmet. That was targeting. We got Nick DiPaolo targeting the old Jew. Shot to the head, that's 15 yards. Anyways, welcome back, folks.

Been gone a long time. We're supposed to be back, actually, yesterday. First of all, real quick, I want to thank Walter Malinsky, who donated a bunch of money. When I say a bunch, I have no idea, but big enough to mention his name on the show. I don't even know what the cutoff is for that. But I guess he part of a drug cartel in Mexico, so I'm guessing it's over 40 bucks. Imagine a guy with a name like Walter Mylinski.

He's fucking worked for the Mexican drug guard. Anyways, yes, we were supposed to be back yesterday. I went up to Tarrytown, New York, to do the Tarrytown Music Hall on New Year's Eve and one of the great gigs. I used to live up there. But it turned into a sad thing. A couple hours before the show, my cousin Al DiPaolo from Beverly, Massachusetts, he passed away on New Year's Eve. He was 63. And why am I telling you this? Because this guy is a special, special dude. He's the reason I get to play football. He was like, let me

see, he's five years older than me. Anyways, when he was 16 years old, great athlete in high school, sophomore. He started varsity football, led Beverly High School in tackles, was getting letters from schools already at the end of his sophomore year. He was the catcher, varsity catcher on the baseball team. Basketball, he didn't even like. He played like in a church league. Somebody said he averaged like 24 points a game. Just a freak of an athlete.

But more importantly, the nicest guy, and I know this sounds cliche after somebody passes away, but this guy just, you never met a kinder guy. And I'm talking about after his catastrophic injury in his wheelchair. This guy was the most inspirational, positive, upbeat. I couldn't be around him. I felt so bad about myself. And so popular. He went on to UMass. This is after he broke his neck. He went into the gym at the high school, him and some buddies, and they were doing flips off like gymnastic equipment. and that's how he hurt himself and wasn't even supposed to live past

35 he almost died when he because of the injury and never used an electric wheelchair he was paralyzed from here down refused to use an electric wheel even most people try that after like a year they switch over never did it he was just a just a charming engaging guy put a picture we get got a couple of pictures, Mike. That's him last year at the gig that I'm, well, it's not the same venue this year. It's a different, same town, Beverly Mass. That's my cousin, Al, right after the show last year in Beverly Mass. And there he is. Went on to coach at Beverly High School. The guy on the far left is Coach Hamer.

He coached me at Danvers High School. He's a defensive back coach. Look how he's built. This guy was like a bodybuilder. We were all scared of him. We thought he was an old guy. Of course, he's probably 40-something there. But he was tight with my cousin Al. And just, okay, what the fuck's going on? What are we, in Detroit? Rads, I brought you on as a black producer, and the cops just follow him down here.

But, yeah, so anyways, that's it, right? Just, we go to the wake. The parking lot I looked at is at least the length of a football field or pretty close to it. Line out the funeral home, the length of the parking lot onto the sidewalk down like two blocks. And then at the church yesterday, literally people standing along the back and just unbelievably popular guy. After he hurt himself, still went to University of Massachusetts. This is before they were wheelchair accessible. Went to UMass.

Guy gave a great eulogy about him. Went to UMass. I was telling Raz. He relied on other students who were taking health care classes to get credits. They helped guys like my cousin. He'd have to have, like, you know, other students shower him in the morning. Went on to get his degree in education, taught for 34 years at Beverly High School, assistant football coach. And, again, so upbeat and part the whole time.

And he was, I'm not going to go into the stories, the acts of kindness this guy did. You know, he was one of those guys, he reminds me, Tillman. I read about Pat Tillman who always came to defense of, like, kids being bullied and shit. And that was my cousin Al. You know, right to the end. He tried to break up a fight in his wheelchair at a bar, somebody was telling me. But just, he was my inspiration as far as sports, and I wish I was half the, and I'm not exaggerating this, folks. The turnout

yesterday just proves it. You can go online and Google. There's never, nobody has a bad thing to say about him. Even after he was in the wheelchair. And the family's been through hell. I'm not going to get to that. But anyways, he had a massive stroke two days before New Year's Eve. So, look, I'm opening with this because this shows everything.

We touch on the news and all that stuff, but I just wanted to let you know that anyways, he's going to be missed. That's all I got to say. And that football coach, a guy that was, you saw the built guy, the guy on the left there. That's Coach Hamer. He went on to coach me as a defensive back at Danvers High School, my junior year.

Then he went to Beverly High as the head coach of Beverly. My cousin Al was like his assistant coach. And, of course, I have to throw this in there. Opening kickoff against them, I returned it for a touchdown. And that was the only score of the game. Six-nothing was the final. And Coach Hamer called me during Thanksgiving dinner when I was with my family. He was a gruff, scary dude.

He's like, if anybody's going to fucking beat us, I'm glad it was you, Nicky. But Al, rest in peace. Say a prayer for my cousin, because, I mean, as kind as they come and tough as they come. Let's get on to it. Go from a very inspiring person

to this douchebag, Nancy Pelosi. She inspires people. Yeah, terrorists and fucking communists. Nancy Pelosi wants to rein in war powers. Oh, fucking idiot. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said the House of Representatives will vote this week on legislation to limit President Donald Trump's military actions on Iran in the wake of increased tensions between the two countries after the president ordered an airstrike that killed Iran's top general. That's how they describe it in the press. They killed a top general. They don't say he's a

fucking terrorist. And I know people out there going, well, how do you know what the government, our government's telling us is true? Because they said they caught them in the act of planning to hurt more people over there. And I agree with you, you don't always trust your own government. But let's say that was false. You know what we do know? This guy has had the blood of a bunch of servicemen from this country on his hands.

He's killed a ton of people in the Middle East. So, you know, they thought he was going to East. So, you know, he was they thought he was going to become the next, you know, Ayatollah over there. Big shot. So Trump took him out because apparently they were planning more shit. They attacked the embassy in Iraq. Right. Guy's a piece of garbage and he's gone. And what's going on in New York City this weekend? Anti-war protests. You fucking communist cock. How much could you hate? You hate Trump to the point where you're going to defend this piece of garbage.

Just fucking I don't understand you people. Anyways, in a letter to the Democrat members of the House on Sunday, Pelosi said the provocative and disproportionate airstrike on General Qasem Soleimani. She's calling it a provocative. So she doesn't believe her own government that she works for, that he was planning to do more shit? Like I said, even if that's not true, we know he's killed lots of servicemen from this country. Can you imagine? That's her wording, provocative and disproportionate. What were we supposed to do? Punch him in the stomach and knock the wind out of him?

You dumb bitch. You've never been in a fight in your life. Why the fuck are you even in D.C.? Jesus H. Christ. What do I think of her? She's a malignant cunt. Bingo. Hate to talk like that when the holiday's over. The resolution which the Speaker said would be introduced and voted on this week would require that military hostilities within Iran cease within 30 days unless further congressional authorization. You guys all know this is bullshit, right?

The President can do it and whack anyone he wants. We go through this every time there's a war. George W. Bush, he didn't clear it with Congress. Apparently he doesn't have to. Clinton shot some missiles into a camel tent. Didn't fucking clear it. Fuck Congress. Your ratings are lower than MSNBC's. Who the fuck cares what your opinion is? Oh, we have to cease hostilities on the guy that's been killing American servicemen. How the fuck do you vote for these pieces of garbage? Look, I'm talking to you. Of course, I'm talking to people who think like I do, so that makes no sense.

But someday, I'd like to see her get hit by a trolley in San Francisco. I thought it would be funny if that's how Fred Rogers died, Mr. Rogers. He's in San Francisco doing a show. Gets clipped by a trolley. Anyways, yeah, so big, big protest in New York. Oh, my God. Fucking good riddance. Ugh.

You know who she should marry? Is she still married? She should fucking hook up with Kaepernick on Tinder. Let's hear what this fucking anti-white, anti-American hate monger has to say. Of course, he had to weigh in. Like we give a fuck. This guy, he's out of the NFL. Let's see what Dick Butkus has to say about it, too, while we're at it.

Check in with fucking Barry Sanders. what's his take on foreign policy let's hear what the racist anti-white Kaepernick with his I hate white people hairdo has to say the the NFL why uh this is the article talking about him the NFL washout Nike Nike persona four cups of coffee, who makes sure the company doesn't. This is from Rich Lowry, by the way, conservative writer, producer and overly patriotic sneakers. He tweeted, there is nothing new about American. This is from Kaepernick. There's nothing new about American terrorist attacks against black and brown people for the expansion of American imperialism. Who said that?

Who the fuck said that? You know, the poor. Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Kaepernick, for Kaepernick, this is, I'm reading, Rich Lowry wrote this and it was so dead on. Soleimani is just another dark-skinned man brutalized by America. The Iranian terror master was, in effect, driving while non-white and paid the ultimate price. For all we know, the operator of the MQ-9 Reaper drone that took him out was making a white supremacy hand signal while unleashing this racist attack.

That's him being funny, Rich Lowry. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. Hey, that's unnecessary. But this is Lowry's take on Kaepernick. His worldview is disproportionately represented in academia and on the left, which object to calling Soleimani a monster. I guess they called him a monster and Elizabeth Warren called him a monster.

Now she's backtracking. I guess they called him a monster and Elizabeth Warren called him a monster. Now she's backtracking. This guy's been killing people, hundreds and hundreds of people in the Middle East, not to mention many American servicemen. And they get upset because, can you fucking imagine? It is certainly true that racism has had a large hand in U.S. foreign policy throughout much of our history, stains on our nation's history. But to consider racism the chief principle of a rapacious U.S. foreign policy is reductive, malicious, dishonest, and incredibly stupid.

Fact is, and this is a great point. I could never think of this, but I was so impressed I had to read it. Counter to the left's typical narrative, racism acted more as a break on American expansion rather than an accelerant. Anti-imperialists didn't want to incorporate more non-white people into the United States. This is a reason why we didn't acquire more territory after the Mexican-American War, and the land we took control of tended to be lightly populated by native Mexicans. Race ideas were used most openly, aggressively, and effectively by enemies of imperialism. And then he goes on to say, like, World War II.

Oh, yeah, you remember all those black Nazis and brown Nazis were fighting? And Russians. Those are fucking white countries. And then Vietnam he talks about. Had nothing to do with black and brown people. I thought it was a great point. But, again, who's going to argue with Colin Kaepernick? He's just regurgitating all the shit that he hears on fucking, you know, MSNBC and CNN.

And, anyways, I thought he made a great point. He says, in the more immediate post-9-11 period, we toppled the Taliban, Saddam Hussein. He says, in the more immediate post-9-11 period, we toppled the Taliban. Saddam Hussein. These were interventions motivated by national interest, but also optimistic and idealistic to a fault. Viewing these conflicts through a racial prism requires ignoring that the Taliban and Saddam overwhelmingly killed, tortured, and repressed other non-white people. He doesn't. You think Kaepernick ever thinks of that?

Or even Pelosi. or all you assholes that were in Times Square fucking, just, you just, you went to college and, let me give,

give me some of that socialist fucking, fucking sucker dick. Nick, no need of that. Hey, I'm a little edgy. I just flew today.

I slept about 11 hours total this weekend. I'm in my buddy's house. I wake up. I can see my breath. It's 11 degrees. I put on a shirt. Ever put on a shirt when you're freezing that the shirt's even colder than you are? That's a good bit.

Anyways, he closes out by saying the same is obviously true of Qasem Soleimani. He has a prodigious amount of American blood on his hands. Somebody explain that to Kaepernick. Or is he too busy? You should go out for the fucking Arena League. That's more your speed. Bitch.

A little more Iran news and then we'll get on to funny shit. Like more Iran news, and then we'll get on to funny shit, like people, we got a white woman flipping out a McDonald's. I can't believe that. I had to read that article three times. No, this can't be. But she quoted Malcolm X,

so I blame black people for that too. She said she was going to, I'll save that for the end. Anyways, I don't even know if I'm going to get to it. But we blew this guy up nice while I was away. Nice hit, huh? Can you imagine a Toyota Corolla and a fucking... If you buy a car over there and you're in the military,

they don't check the tires or they don't ask how many horsepower. Can this thing stop a fucking bunker buster? Because I'm fucking the Ayatollah's left hand man. Excuse me. Iran's top diplomat says his country executes gay people because of moral principles. Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! How do you like that?

That'll be coming to a neighborhood near you if the Democrats get the White House. Remember they wanted to build a mosque right near Ground Zero? I had a bit about that. That's fine. I go, if we can build a 20-story Hooters in Mecca, let's see how that flies. This is what he's... But do you hear the irony in that? We kill gay people because of moral principles.

But all cultures are equal. Remember, you people on the left that have been telling that for years? You people on the left who defend gay people with your life in this country? You're also defending you're also protesting what Trump did to this terrorist over there, yet this is what this guy believed in. No hypocrisy there. You have no moral compass, but neither do I. I masturbated four times within an hour on the way here. Now what? Makes no sense. Oh, coke drip.

Zarif, probably related to Raz, I don't know, also decried the U.S. and Israel for violating human rights. They say, why do you kill gay people? He goes, well, the U.S. and Israel violate human rights. There's only one gay person they should kill. That would be Rachel Maddow. I'm kidding.

Rachel, I'm busting your balls. You looked like me when I was in high school. I'm a little jealous. You got a nice head of hair, beautiful skin. Six countries impose a death penalty for consensual same-sexual acts. Iran, Yemen, where as has a summer home over their timeshare, Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, the Sudan and Somalia, what do they all have in common? Kind of Muslim countries, aren't they? And they kill gay people. They throw them off roofs and shit. You know? Another thing, they

stone them. Another thing I told you, they build brick walls and push the walls down. Over. Who came up with that? The inventor of Legos? What the fuck? What kind of horseshit is that? Durka, Durka, Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa, a bacala.

Wow. That make me laugh till I'm fucking 100. Just two weeks from today. Our society, this is the guy talking, what's his name? Oh, Javad Zarif. Our society, this is the guy talking, what's his name? Javad Zarif. Our society has moral principles, and according to these principles, this is why they execute gay people, we live. According to these principles, we live, he says. These are moral principles regarding the behavior of people in general. And again, you Democrats, you people protesting at Times Square, this is

the country you're upset that Trump killed their second in command over there. These are moral principles regarding the behavior of people in general. And that's because the law is upheld and you abide by laws. That's what he says. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. Yeah, but the laws are wrong. In my opinion, again, all cultures equal. Who am I to judge?

Who am I to judge? You go to Tehran, you drive down the street, you see, literally, you ever see documentaries, there's gay people hanging from cranes. You should start going after ex-quarterbacks. You should start going after ex-quarterbacks. In late January, a 31-year-old man was publicly hanged in Iran after being found guilty of violating the country's anti-gay laws. But don't kill the guy who's in charge of the military over there, the Quds.

Quds means Jerusalem or something. I think I read that. Or I made it up on the military over there, the CUDs. CUDs means Jerusalem or something. I think I read that. Or I made it up on the plane on the way here to kill time. As of March 2019, there were 70 UN members states that have laws on the books criminalizing consensual same-sex sexual acts according to a whatever. Oh, according to a report from International Lesbian, which I subscribe to that. I like the good-looking ones. I don't. Every time I see them, it's like two plumbers.

Gray kook. They all have the haircut. Well, a lot of them have this one. They get pissed at me. They're like, where'd you get that done? I said, none of your business. I like pussy as much as you do. I'm not going to give away my secrets.

From the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, and Intersex Association. That's an actual, Jesus, do they love to hide behind these fucking abbreviations. That's ILGA. Actually, a lesbian that i knew in high school at monday's press conference ron zimer also asked where zarif stands on israel's right to exist listen to what he says to this the problem is the aggressive policies of israel and the usa zarif said the u.s and israel are violating human rights this is this is the guy who kills gay people. They're violating human rights, and the U.S. is continuing its crimes. It's a beautiful language.

It's a language of love, isn't it? Jesus Christ, it makes German sound like fucking poetry out of France. Lay off the fucking sour cream there, Ahmed. Listen. Anyways, so he says that we violate human rights. This is after he tells you why they kill gay people. Of course, Trump didn't leave it alone. As President Trump left for a campaign rally in Iowa on Tuesday,

he was asked if he's hopeful about the prospect of a peaceful dialogue with the Iranian leaders. I hope that everything works out with Iran. Here he goes. Iran is a country that now, because of all the sanctions and other things, is a much different country than when I came here, Trump said. When I came here, they were all over the place, causing terror, causing problems, and they're not doing that right now. Well, apparently they were.

That's why you hit this guy. They were planning more shit, so they're not scared of you either because they're out of their minds. You ever see footage of over there? It looks like you're watching Ben-Hur. They're dressed up and it looks like it took place 12 A.D. Every time I'm at the airport

and I see like a woman with a hijab on and a long bucket, I just want to go, welcome to America. You know she's been living here for like 30, just to bust her fucking unwashed legs. What? He says, I think they respect the United States right now much more than they ever have.

Well, are you talking about after you just blew this guy up in his car? Because apparently they haven't learned their lessons. Kaepernick should go over there and run. He would win in a landslide over there. I can't even look at Pelosi's wrinkled fucking testicle neck. Let's get on to some lighter news, shall we? Abortion was committed in an alley. I'm sick of hearing back alley abortions, okay?

When's the last time somebody performed an abortion in a fucking alley? Have you ever stepped over a fetus when you're going behind McDonald's trying to get to the Sunoco station on foot? Here we go, Raz. Accused cannibal eats part of grinder date hanging from his ceiling,

cops say. Delicious. Thank you. Thank you. Grinder date, if you don't know, is a, I believe it's for gay people to hook up. Is it not? Raz is nodding with way more too much enthusiasm. Apparently he's a regular on there.

But yeah, Grindr. I don't like your name, a gay sex app. It's the same thing as what we call a submarine sandwich up in New England. Kevin Bacon is the victim. Can you make this shit up? Kevin Bacon. There he is. I don't want to be mean, but no great loss.

The guy probably mistaked his head for a plum. Kevin, there he is. I don't want to be mean, but no great loss. The guy probably mistaked his head for a plum. Look, Kevin, what are you doing, man? Just the eyebrows alone. You can't, Kevin, come on, man. Well, he's gone, and now we can do about it. He's gone. Listen to this, though. You want to hear a creepy story?

Kevin Bacon was reported missing when he didn't show up for breakfast with his family on Christmas Day. Okay, so he's not breakfast bacon. Listen. The day before Bacon, a hairstylist, I thought he returned punts for the Giants this year. But he's a hairstylist. Of course he is. I can't help it. You guys say I'm not supposed to generalize and stereotype.

I love pizza and pasta, okay? Could you be any more stereotypical? Some shit is true. The day before bacon, a hairstylist. That guy's a hairstylist. Put him up again. Who's doing his hair? This guy. Oh, there he is. This is the guy.

Look at this motherfucker. Look, he does not look gay. He just hates gay people? Is that what it is? Nick, how do you know? You can't just go by the... Oh, come on. They found chunks of bacon in his beard, literally. Come on. They found chunks of bacon in his beard, literally. That was terrible.

Look at this guy. I wouldn't bum a cigarette from this guy. Let me meet him, though. Anyways, listen to this. He doesn't show up for breakfast. The day before bacon, a hairstylist had told him, you already told us he's a hairstylist. Quit pushing it down my throat.

He told a friend he was meeting up with a man who looked like George Carlin. No. That he met on Grindr. Later that evening, Bacon texted his friend that he was having fun and would be out for a while. Right after the guy chloroformed him. Early on December 28th, police found Bacon's body in 50-year-old Mark Lutonsky's Morris area home.

He was arrested, charged with open murder and mutilation of a human body. It's going to get weirder, folks. According to court documents, police found Bacon hanging naked from the rafters by his ankles in Lutensky's house.

Oh, I just don't understand you people meeting strangers on the apps. It's very dangerous. I suck cock, and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Stop. No need of that.

Police said Lutensky confessed to killing Bacon by stabbing him in the back, then slicing his throat. Also telling police he'd cut off Bacon's testicles with a knife before eating them. Somebody help me get off this planet. Bon appetit. Boy, he doesn't look crazy. Listen to this, though.

It gets better, guys. The month before, police responded to Lutensky's home after a man, 29 years old, was seen running from Lutensky's home with blood on his face, wearing only a leather kilt. I've been looking for a leather kilt for my brother for like three Christmases now. Where do you get a leather kilt for my brother for like three Christmases now. Where do you get a leather kilt? I didn't make that up.

Guy's running from his house, blood, wearing a leather kilt. This reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer, remember? Do you remember the story of the Asian kid got away from Jeffrey Dahmer? He was naked, right? Cops find him, bring him back to Dahmer's house. Jeffrey's like, no, he's a friend of mine. He's drunk. The cops brought the kid back.

Remember that? Listen to this. Now, this gets weird. Somebody help me out here. Actor Kevin Bacon, who shares first and last name. Yeah, thanks for explaining that. Took to Instagram to express his condolences when news broke of the victims. What's he hurting for publicity?

Okay, he's got the same name. Listen to this, though. He says, for obvious reasons, I'm thinking this morning about the friends and family of this young person, Kevin Bacon. And he shared a picture with a photo. He says his life was taken from him much too soon. His love was hairdressing. I bet he would have done a great job on this mess on my head. I used to like Kevin.

How'd you turn this into something about you? R.I.P. Please give me a bunch of likes. I want to break the 300,000 mark. The victim's loved ones also painted. do we have this picture, Raz? No? Oh, God. They painted a, they made a mural. They painted the Flint Rock in Flint, Michigan to honor Bacon.

The rock now features a rendering of Bacon's face over a rainbow backdrop, along with a message, whatever. See if you, eh, never mind. It's so fucking bad. I do a whole bit about those roadside memorials, how cheesy they are. This one was, anyways. But I know I sound old here, folks. But even, like, I know a lot of guys and young guys and women,

that's how they meet, through apps. But isn't it the same as hitchhiking? You don't know what you're going to, you know what I mean? It's a little, maybe I'm wrong. I mean, a lot of people I've met, but there's a lot of skeletons on the houses, people who have no idea. You know, Diane went around and met a guy on Tinder, and they found her shoes and her hat in the parking lot behind Applebee's. I got a whole bit on that a couple specials ago, too.

I really am so prolific. Let me slow down. I'm ripping through these stories. stories like a fucking cheese whiz. So, Raj, you went to Minneapolis? Yeah, it's pretty liberal up there. Yeah, it is. It's weird because they come to see me in droves. I told you, I did the Pantages Theater.

This was years ago, but it was 1,000 people came out. So they liked my right-wing shit. That's crazy. I saw, like, Black Lives Matter flags everywhere, and I was like, where the hell am I at? Yeah. No, you're right. Not to mention you got the little Mogadishu in Minneapolis. Well, you know, they fucking elected Ilhan Omar, that hateful fucking wench.

So let me ask you a question. What was it like spending the holidays with a white family for 10 days? It was fun. I love them. But the food's terrible. I was just going to say, what are they? See, I know how to cook. I could make Raz happy in a second.

Yeah. What was it? Why? What was wrong? Why? What was it? Oh, man, just veggies. Veggies? Like a red dress and this shit. You know, just like a whole bunch of appetizers everywhere.

Are they trying to send you a message? Why don't you go, hey, where's the fucking ham hocks? God damn it. So you come to my house, I'd start with pig's feet. I'm going way back. Italian black people love pork we have a lot of that's funny because all black comics have bits about that

there's like broccoli and fucking vegetables then white people go that's why we live past 58 maybe you should try like on Halloween I'm going you guys ever hear of diabetes Maybe you should try. Like on Halloween, I'm going, you guys ever hear of diabetes? I'm going back to the store for my 40th bag of candy. The little kid comes up with a peg leg. I go, oh, you're a pirate.

He goes, no, I lost my foot to fucking diabetes three Halloweens ago. You still want this 12-pound payday bar? Yes. Yes, I do. All right, let's move on. I'm tired, folks. Hello, Ikeman! Hello, Ikeman! Hello, Ikeman!

Hello, Ikeman! Hello, Ikeman! more help from the left here's one that's gonna get you fucking all riled up women encouraged to let body hair grow for jan, get this, Janu-Harry campaign. Janu-Harry, you get it? Janu-Harry. What are you trying to remake society? Is there anything you feminist fucking left wing is there anything you like about go ahead, grow the shit out enjoy your fucking wand sorry, we got used to nice fucking soft legs

and fucking I don't want to fuck a guy that looks like Tazinski there who hung the gay guy from his hi I'm Diane nice Diane good to see you fucking fucking Europe it's always my goal to go to bed with a leg a woman who's got legs like Bill Ambeer Fucking Europe. It's always my goal to go to bed with a woman who's got legs like Bill Ambeer.

This January campaign started by 22-year-old Laura Jackson is encouraging women to let their body hair grow naturally during January to encourage acceptance. Oh, my God, we've lost a generation of, just lost a fucking generation of women to encourage acceptance and raise money for charity. That's what they do. They throw the charity part in at the end just to cover their ass. It's really about feminism. And don't let a man tell you how you should look. If it's natural for your armpits to, you know, look like you have buckwheat in the headlock, let them grow.

Women across the globe are being encouraged to ditch razors and wax strips, which I did. I gave those up a length, the wax strips. My ass looks like Vietnam down there. For the month of January in a bid to encourage the acceptance of body hair on women. And I say, and I say to that, you need to shut the fuck up. The January campaign was launched last year to empower women to embrace their natural bodies. It was started by, again, they repeat themselves. I don't know who the fuck writes this shit.

By Laura Jackson, who apparently has a shrub down there the size of a, it looks like the fucking, looks, looks like the fucking, looks like the walls at Wrigley. She started this after, she said advertising in the media enforced the idea that natural hair and women grow on their bodies is unattractive and distasteful. No, you know who said that? Wasn't the media. We decided that. Us men. Maybe not in Europe.

But over here, we decided after, I don't know, 800 years that, yeah, we don't want the fucking legs to feel like our legs. Oh, this poor broad. I feel bad for her. Natural hair on women growing on their bodies is unattractive and distasteful. You are correct, sir. Kicking off the campaign for its second year, Janu Hairy is again encouraging women to let their body hair grow naturally for the month in an effort to normalize the look. Let's see some pictures of, uh, yes, I'm getting, my dick is getting hard as a shark's tooth right

now. That's great. I want to lay in bed and the fucking, and that could either be a girl or Mario Lopez with his arm up. Why don't I pretend it's a pussy and just fuck your armpit? Look at this one. She's got 18 inch pipes on top of it. If that's what your armpit looks like, holy Christ.

What's going on downstairs? They don't show that. There you go. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, there you go. There you go. I want to fuck a girl whose legs are like my dad's. Could you put on some Bermuda shorts, too?

Fucking, look at the, she's fucking beautiful. Those probably aren't even hers. They photoshopped that shit in there. Those could be her tits. Fucking adorable. Imagine you get her home, you're fucking all excited, and then you fucking, she takes off around, and then you...

Oh, I always wanted to fuck Brian Urlacher. It's a good... What is the matter with you people? I love the logic behind it, though. The focus may be on women, but this movement includes all genders. Oh, good. We wouldn't want to fucking, we wouldn't want to, you know, discriminate against anybody. All genders and identities.

Let's educate one another. So why are they implying that we're uneducated if we don't like that? Let's educate one another on all experiences within this prickly subject. Prickly in quotes. Get it? Our charity focus this year is to support tree sisters and protecting, restoring, and funding reforestation. That's, they know, right? They did that on purpose, didn't they? That's what the charity

is, to make trees, grows, and bushes, reforestation. Very clever, Laura. I don't know. You know what I'd do? Again, I'm married, so it doesn't matter. But if you're a fucking, you young guys, you better stop bringing raises with her. Well, you know, get her drunk when she passes out. Clean up her armpits.

Even if you are not personally joining in with the January this year, I encourage you to talk about it with others. If we see the same things again and again, it becomes normal. Yeah, so why don't we put kiddie porn on ABC around the clock? That'll become normal. And those people will be happy. You fuck kids and what else? Date rape.

Guys, start talking about more at work and we'll normalize it and put it on billboards. Are you really comparing body here yes i am it's fucking grotesque i don't personally i don't like it i don't know too many guys that do if i do they're gay fellas from greece uh after posting an update online yesterday many threw their support behind the campaign as one wrote, to be quite honest, I always felt this is the best way to normalize something taboo. Again, it's taboo.

There's a reason it's taboo. Plus, it's hard if a guy murders you in your apartment, now you've got your hair mixed in with his. Just casually include it in everyday places like ads, magazines, movies. She's condoning like brainwashing and just, but, you know, she's right there. People just nod at it and eventually. That's what I want to see, Charlotte Johansson with nice fucking hairy armpits. I'd like to see Melania Trump putting a star on the tree and there's like a fucking poison ivy growing out of her

but anyways eventually it's going to become commonplace they said and why is there a picture look and even the dogs don't like it the dogs are going

what the fuck I lost my chew toy in her legs Dogs don't like it. Dogs are going, what the fuck? I lost my chew toy in her legs. Raj, you ever been with a hairy woman? No. Oh, you got to try it. I remember being in college and seeing like a hair on a woman's nipple I threw out of the house. How dare you bring that shit in here?

That's wrong. I'm just kidding. But I am glad I'm a guy. I got to be honest because let's, you know, our society, if you're a woman and, you know, you're like a four, it's a fucking lonely. I go to Publix down here, right? I go to Publix down here, right? The supermarket, and they have these, you know, the girls that do the bagging, put the stuff in the bag. I've left there.

I'm not kidding you. I've left there with tears in my eyes. You know, lazy eye with thick glasses. She's trying to talk. No, I'm not making fun of them. Fuck, it makes me so sad. You know what I mean? mean I go what is this poor girl's future you know then I get to my I get home and I go she put the fucking heavy cans on top of the eggs I go back and I go listen you crust no um it makes me it fucking it's heartbreaking it really got to be top of women you you know, aesthetically. It's a lot

of work. Come on, Raz, you go out, you know, you're gonna go out on a date, fucking three minutes in the shower. But now I'm trying to be sympathetic. I really don't have feelings for anybody anymore. Uh... You fucking whore!

Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready. Finally, tonight I meet the press. I told you there's one woman who I would vote for on the planet for president. There's probably a few that I don't know about. But this one, I'm not kidding. I'd pull the lever tomorrow.

Judge Judy. Fucking lubber. Why? Because she's seen it all. I'd pull the lever tomorrow. Judge Judy. Fucking lubber. Why? Because she's seen it all. She's done Brooklyn Family Court. And she does not mince her words. Super smart. Tough as nails.

That's why I think she's full of shit. She came out and she's backing Mike Bloomberg. You think their politics are the same? Are you shitting me? Fucking Bloomberg, spineless. What did he apologize for already? Oh, yeah, stop and frisk, which saved countless black and brown lives. And he's apologizing for it.

So I know he's, but I told you, remember? Remember I said Bloomberg, I said it to Donald Trump Jr. I said, I think Bloomberg's going to jump in. I still think he might be a threat, but maybe not. Judge Judy Beck's Mike Bloomberg in her first ever political advertisement. That's what she's doing. Oh, I saw her on, Noel McDonald has a show on Netflix. It's probably, it's already gone, I think. It was just a vehicle. It's a talk show where he interviewed people who had projects on Netflix, but it's already canceled and shit.

But Judge Judy looks great on her show. I always say to my wife, I go, she looks pretty young for her. She's like over 80. And then I saw her on Norm's show where they don't have that foggy lens on her. Holy shit. Again, I know it's tough, lady, you know, but man, she looked 183. But smart as a whip, I love her. Tough as fucking nails. Robert Klein hates her. Robert Klein has a bit about Judge Judy. Eyes up here. Look at me. Get your elbows off the table. Fuck you. That's the bit.'s judge judy uh backing uh no here she comes the coat's in session the coat's in session now here come the judge let's see it i'm judge judy shineland i like to say you can judge someone's character by what they've done mike bloomberg has

done amazing things and will be a truly great president. No one comes close to Mike Bloomberg's executive achievement. Look, he's helping build the skies. His experience and impactful philanthropy, his steady leadership will unite our country and bring us through these very challenging times. I'm Mike Bloomberg and I approve this message. I'm Mike Bloomberg and I got another Jew to say she likes me. Judge Judy doesn't like his politics. This is a Jewish thing.

And I defend the Jews on this show all the time. I don't want to hear about anti-Semitic. Bloomberg, I'm telling you, though, he's, you know, and he's not moderate. I think I said that on the show., you know, and he's not moderate. I think I said that on the show, even I was wrong, and I started thinking about some of his past things. But compared to the other garbage that's on the stage right now for the Democrats, I still think someone else is going to come out of the woods. The thick-ankled dog face, she's probably stretching right now.

She's on a yoga mat, big fucking gun hanging out, trying to drop a few because she's going to jump into the debates after, you know, Fat Tuesday, whatever the fuck they call it. Anyway. She's on the phone with Kim Jong-un right now. Hey, you know those suits you've been wearing when Trump goes over there? Can you sell one over here? She dresses just like him. Anyways, I love you, Judge Judy, but I've got to be honest with you. I think you're just helping out a friend here. Anyways, she expressed her appreciation for the former New York City mayor in an October op-ed. She said, we need a no-nonsense president who's sane.

What does that mean? Like ours isn't now? Sure, he's nuts, but he's getting it done, isn't he? We need a no-nonsense president who's sane, competent, and honest. Someone who can't be bought and has no skin in the game, she wrote. Well, Trump can't be bought.

That's why people love him. And Trump does have skin in the game with all his international business, you know, China, Russia and shit. That's why he's on top of these trade things. He actually does have skin in the game. But Bloomberg's a brilliant guy. I mean, you don't make that kind of dough without, you know, having some skeletons in the closet. I have carefully stayed away from politics for 50 years except to vote. But times have changed in our country, and I believe the moment has come for me to step out from behind the curtain. Okay, Wizard of Oz.

Shilin also stopped by ABC's The View. That must have been a hard-hitting fucking interview. To tout Bloomberg's candidacy. Anyway, she pushed back on criticism that Bloomberg was just another billionaire running for president who wanted to buy the race. And she says, I think that defined Mike Bloomberg is just another rich guy is one of the greatest injustices of this political campaign. Really? Yeah, it's almost as big as the impeachment hearings and the the fucking fake Kavanaugh hearings

and the Comey fucking dog shit Mike Bloomberg is the only one of the candidates who has experienced governing and managing and successful and if he's successful and happened to have made money being successful that folks is the American dream yeah why don't you tell that to the fucking anti-Trump people

she criticized Joe Biden who the fuck hasn't Yeah, why don't you tell that to the fucking anti-Trump people? She criticized Joe Biden. Who the fuck hasn't? What are we doing? What's going on right now? Oh, Joe, finish your jello and go to bed. Calling the former vice president a number two guy. And then she said, who else?

And she said, Pete Buttigieg was a lovely, I think she's being a little homophobic with that choice of words, was lovely, but just a small town mayor. That's kind of a, I don't know, Judge. He's a fag.

That's not, that doesn't mean he can't do the job. Bloomberg was a late entry into the Democratic field, casting himself as an alternative choice to a Democrat field that has failed to see a candidate catch fire. I'd like to see them all catch fire on an overturned bus on Route I-97 in Idaho. What?

A moderate in the political spectrum. No, he's not. Bloomberg is self-funding his campaign. Yeah, because he's a traitor. The decision means he won't make the debate stage for any of the Democratic presidential primaries because he's a traitor. The decision means he won't make the debate stage for any of the Democratic presidential primaries because he's not taking donations. Bloomberg is running fifth

on the Democratic presidential race. He is bypassing the early votes, voting states of Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, South Carolina. Didn't Rudy Giuliani do this? He waited until Florida. How'd that work out? Now he's in a prison in fucking Ukraine. No. Yeah, so he's bypass a prison in fucking Ukraine. No.

He's by... Yeah, so he's bypassing Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, South Carolina to focus on Super Tuesday, a date when 15 states, including California, are we still calling that part of the United States, will hold their nominating contest. So that's that. Get this through your head, you...

Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. That's Chineland yelling at Bloomberg from a couple of years ago. I try to buy a futon from him or something. OK, folks, that made no sense. I don't give a fuck. I'm tired. Anyways, I think that's enough, Raz. Anyways, I think that's enough, Rez. Folks, it's good to be back. What else was I supposed to say? I don't know.

Cameo.com. Please go to Cameo.com. If you want me to send a personal video message, I can roast your friends. Somebody you dislike at work, somebody you like. I'll say happy bar mitzvah, happy birthday to your Grammy, whatever. And there is a price, $240.11. No, I'll make a video on my phone, and I'll send that in saying what I – I got one waiting for me, by the way. Haven't forgot about you, Katie Green.

What else, Raz? I feel like we've been gone for a fucking year. Dates, real quick. NickDip.com Listen to this. I'm doing the Ridgefield Playhouse in a couple weeks.

Right? Ridgefield, Connecticut. Place holds 500. I'm at 4 right now with 3 weeks to go. Looks like a sellout. Ridgefield Playhouse. And then on January 25th, the next... No, wait a minute.

No, no, no. Ridgefield is when? No. No, you had it right. We're fucking this. Tommy's right now putting his fist through the wall. Friday the 24th at Ridgefield Playhouse. No.

No, this is wrong. Is it? Oh, I'm doing Beverly before? Okay, the 26th I'm at Ridgefield? I'm not at Ridgefield. Come on, motherfuckers. Jeez, it doesn't't matter we're at 400 keep buying the ticket

you have them both I have them both yeah Raz come on do I have to get Rich back in here you saw it Tommy

fucking Raz he's channeling Jason what else let's see if we can get these wrong, too. The Historic Ritz Theater, Brunswick, Georgia, Saturday, February 1st. Saturday, February 15th. Saturday.

I'm fucking too much coffee. I wanted to crash. That ain't going to happen. Kelsey Theater, Lake Park, Florida, Saturday, February 15th. Thursday, February. We're just going to put these up for now on, Tommy. I'm not going to fucking read these things. February 20th through 22.

Comics at Mohegan Sun, Montville, Connecticut. Friday, February 28. Decatur Civic Center, Decatur, Illinois. Friday and Saturday, March 13 and 14. Magoobie's Joke House, Timonium, Maryland. Great fucking club. Friday, April 3. Morgan Hill Event Center, Herman, Maine.

The next night, Jonathan's in a gunk with Maine for all my gay friends up there. Please wear the speedos like you did when it was July. I don't care if you lose a nipple to exposure. That's enough. Remember, you guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. We will see you people

on Patreon tomorrow, alright? Take care of yourselves. We will see you people on Patreon tomorrow. All right. Take care of yourselves. Ha ha. guitar solo We'll see you next time.