The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dems: "Paging George Orwell" | Nick Di Paolo Show #700

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

Orwellian Move by Dems. Ministry of BS. Biden says kids don't belong to parents. The King is no longer.

🎵 Oh yeah, it's that time again. How you is, what it was, and what it will be. Welcome. The revolution will be televised. It'll be on MTV. Those kids are wild. How are you, folks? Final day of the week. Thank bejesus.

Do you know bejesus? Hey, Red Sox pulled it out last night. Just an update for you people. Don't give a fuck. Finally broke out of their offensive slump. Any he, anyhow. I had three boxes of brand cereal at about midnight. Jesus H. Christ.

My asshole's exhausted. It's just breathing heavy. It's like a marathon runner. I'm sorry. Too much information, as the fags say? Okay. What's going on in the world? Got an interesting show today.

I'm going to spend a lot of time on the first story, which is actually going to be probably the equivalent of three stories, as far as time goes. Or maybe not. I can't tell. But it is creepy where this country thinks they're headed. And this is, out of all the outrageous shit I've reported on this show in five years, and by the way, the real show number is like 1,200.

Ignore the fucking Tommy's number. Of all the shit I've reported on this show since its inception, including just the audio portion of the show, this is probably the fucking most outrageous thing I've ever reported. And I hope some of you people out there, not all of you as big readers,

I know that I've met you after the show. No offense. But I hope you read 1984. I saw the Moby, you know, starring Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Have you seen that version? It was terrific. But I hope you seriously read the book, and it was written in the 40s, I think. And it's as relevant as what we're going to talk about today.

40, 60, 80 years ago he wrote the book. It's more relevant today than it was the day after he wrote it. How's that not the greatest story ever written? After the Bible, I guess. I haven't read the Bible. I guess. I haven't read the Bible. I read the spinoff. What do they call it? The New Testament? I think Gary Gellman actually said that. He was a fucking killer comedian. Very funny.

Smart. Jewish kid. I'll throw that in to piss him off. Anyhow, what they're trying to do today, they've been exposed for the scumbag. How did they keep it in this long? I always knew they were left-leaning

and kind of into socialism. I had no idea to what degree and how long they've been sitting on this plan that they've hatched on us in the last couple of years. I know they've been releasing it over the years incrementally, but the lid has blown off. If they don't fucking, if they don't win the White House in a few years, I don't see

how this party exists, at least in this country. All the shit, all the fools that are coming over that they're letting in from Central America, South America, they're coming for just the opposite of what the Dems believe. And of course the Dems know that. I think they think the blacker and brown are the easier to manipulate. They're fucking, they're the biggest racists on the planet. You know that. But it is unfucked. I watched this last night and my head almost blew off. It is creep. Nick, what are you talking about? I'll get to it. It's my show. Shut up. God damn. Let me have a sip of my CC and coffee.

Chili Dog Coffee Light. Yeah. Anyhow, I guess let's get to it. I know I got you guys on pins and needles. Orwellian moves by Dems. That's my headline. I couldn't think of anything else. Dems and media shitting their pants. You can tell I wrote the first sentence to this story. You don't read that in the Times. Shitting their pants over, at least it's honest, over, you know who's purchase. Elon Musk's purchase. They are, they are, they're losing their mind. That's Pelosi when she read this, she saw the official sale bill. Department of Homeland Security, get this, buckle up, if this doesn't make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, that means one of two things. You don't have hair, you don't have a neck.

Setting up a disinformation governance board in an attempt to combat misinformation online. And to you, I say, not you people, to the government, and you guys say it along with me, to the government. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Nothing? Fuck you! How?

Guys, now I know most of you probably have read the book. I'm hoping, 1984. That's the first thing, you know. Anybody who, it's creepy. It did, it gave me shivers that they really, and let me tell you something, if they even attempt this, if that doesn't set off a civil war in this country,

do you really think the people that are running from third world dictatorships coming here to live are going to fuck? Never going to happen. I got to believe, even a guy my age will get off the couch and fucking defend that. Especially me, a comic.

I'll be arrested on the way to Uncle Funny's. We found your notebook in a cab. What's this about killing Biden? No, it's another friend of mine, Billy Biden. Stole my sister's bike. Sure, she's 58. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. That's what happens when you let un-Americans into the...

Look at this. I hope that's chemo, you bald-headed fucking left wing. That's right. Swallow that goo. Your mouth wide open. Alejandro Mayorkas spoke about the just-established governance board during a congressional hearing on Wednesday, which was yesterday. established governance board during a congressional hearing on Wednesday, which was yesterday.

Let's take a listen to this fucking Orwellian dystopian puppet of the left, just dumb as a bag of hammers. It shows, I mean, how old is he? Older than me, right? But it shows what his education taught him. It goes back that far, this brainwashing. And from that generation on, it's even worse. It is unbelievable. Let's take a listen to this cheese eater. I've just established a mis- and disinformation governance board in the Department of Homeland Security to more effectively combat this threat, not only to election security but to our homeland security. First of all election security he's making it they're already on the offensive they're making it sound like it was the Republicans who rigged the election the last presidential election election security are you hearing this I

don't give a fuck what you believe about the last election. There's tons of evidence that it was rigged, including Pennsylvania changing their state constitution and the voting rules two weeks before the election, not to mention cardboard across the windows of every voting center in downtown Detroit, not to mention Zuckerberg pouring $400 million into fucking Georgia and wherever else to affect the,

not to mention them burying the, this is the big one, them burying the Hunter laptop story, Twitter and everybody else burying it right before the election. And we now know if they didn't do that, they've taken many polls where people said they wouldn't have voted. They didn't vote for them anyways. But I'm just saying. And they're acting like we use disinformation.

What they're saying is if they don't agree with it, it's disinformation. You guys know that. It's been going on a little bit incrementally, unless you're a conservative or a guy like me on the internet, and then you get buried. By the way, I'm back on Twitter. I'll tell you that later on. But, you know, I mean, I had like 103,000, 105,000.

I was like, hey, I'm moving a little bit. You know, I don't live on this shit. But all of a sudden, it started going backwards. I mean, I'm talking, this is six years ago. And it was frozen at like 98,000. Oh, it's filthy. Anyways, that's what they're talking about, folks. Take the bias reporter you get from CNN and ABC and NBC, MSN, all that on steroids. Now

they're going to put it into law. I guess if you put something out there, they'll knock on your door. We're heading to... It is fucking... And it's them. They're the ones projecting. They're the liars. They're the ones who said fucking Trump was an agent of Putin. They're the...

You know, the whole Mueller investigation. All of it. They were wrong about all of it. And nobody gets punished. Nobody apologizes for COVID, how we were treated for two years. Now we know it was all wrong. Fauci should be burned at the fucking stake. No apologies or nothing. You're in the way of all the people pouring over the border that they want to control. The team will focus on irregular, irregular migration. First time I've heard that term. What is that, a future

landscaper who's constipated? Irregular migration. And Russia, according to a report from Politico's Daniel Lipman. Nina Jankiewicz, a fellow for the Wilson Center, confirmed reports that she would direct the board. There he is with makeup, sharing her official government portrait on her social media profile. Cats out of the bag, she says. Can you imagine just saying, cats out of the bag. Here's what I've been up to the past two months. She's actually bragging about how non-transparent they are. Here's what I've been working on. I'll tell you, oh, Jesus Christ. Here's my official portrait to grab your attention and to make your pee pee inverted.

Now that I've got, now that, look at this, now that I've got it, meaning your attention, huge focus of our work, indeed, one of the key reasons the board was established is to maintain the department's commitment to protecting free speech, privacy, civil rights, civil law. It's just the opposite. That's what freaks me the fuck out. It does just the opposite of that. Anytime you hear that protecting your rights, your fucking radar should go up. Bullshit. That's everything this doesn't do.

It's just the fucking, you don't have to be a, you don't even have to follow politics to know how creepy this is. Look at that face, though. She's a piece of ass, isn't he? You pompous, stock-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-faced, dickhead, asshole. Yes, what can I do for you? Conservatives immediately called out Jankiewicz.

They said she sounds like a Polish field goal kicker for the Raiders. Hey, what? They called out Jankiewicz rolling downplaying information from Hunter Biden's laptop in 2020, asserting it. This is what she said during the Hunter laptop. By all means, let's regulate social media, but let's do it with proper thought and consultation with the nation's best interest at heart, not with a sweep of a sharpie in response to a spect of political censorship that doesn't exist. She thought in 2020, to a spect of political censorship that doesn't exist. She thought in 2020,

she said about Hunter's laptop, it was likely Russian influence op. That was her take on it. And this is who they're going to put up for the board to decide what's true and what isn't true on the internet. A fucking proven liar. As we all know, it wasn't Russian op. Jankiewicz has long been an

advocate for social media censorship and regulation. Ugh. Fuck your mother! Goddamn right. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Fuck your mother. What did you say? Your mother sucks cocks in hell.

In October 2020, Jankowicz testified to the House Select Committee on Intelligence on the dangers, this is just rich, isn't it, of information and conspiracy theories and how to stop it online. Isn't that cute? This is her, and I quote the douchebag. Disinformation is a threat to democracy. First of all, you wouldn't know democracy if it bit you in your testicles, you two bit pecker head. I love how the Dems talk about democracy.

They're the ones shitting their pants because we want more free speech on the internet and they're talking about democracy. They're the ones flying illegals in in the middle of the night and spreading them out. They're talking about democracy. They've been wiping their ass with the fucking Constitution for the last, I don't know how many years. So every time they say democracy, it's fucking priceless. Disinformation is the threat to democracy, she warned, and criticized the government and social media platforms

who have all but abdicated their responsibility to address domestic disinformation. Really? Yeah, you know, you're right about that. They did abdicate their responsibility when the Hunter laptop story was buried. Why doesn't somebody ask that? Why don't I put on C-SPAN and see Ted Cruz have her in a headlock

and another fucking Josh Hawley kicking her in the stomach and say, answer that question? They never ask the direct question. Or it gets buried, I don't know. Or I'm not going to watch C-SPAN, I'm not that much of a loser. During her testimony, Jankowicz recommended that Congress start spending more, your taxpayer dollars to censor yourself, to find a

robust public media, which is just the opposite. She's calling for more censorship, which is the opposite of robust, and work on a global effort, a global effort to combat this. What are you going to start fucking... Yeah. Well, you know what? They already have China

and Russia on their side. They're giving in. They want... You know what? She gets moist when she hears about how China works. And so does fucking jerk-off Obama. All of them. They love how China works.

She also hailed Twitter's efforts to censor users during the 2020 election, and she urged more technology companies to follow their example. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. It's kind of fun.

I think I might be one of those, whatchamacallit, DJs. Listen, here's the quote from the titless wonder who I could punt her head off her shoulders with a hang time of eight seconds and drop it right on the one yard line. Twitter is the best example of a platform moving in the right direction in this context, but the United States political environment would be better served. Do you hear what she just said? Twitter was moving in the right direction by censoring people on the right. And this is all a reaction to Elon Musk, a guy who believes in free speech, apparently, buying this thing.

Could they fucking, is this a big enough tell for you to what they're really into? Would be better served by more transparency and equity around its enforcement of these measures. Yes. Yeah, equity. I agree with that. Start blocking people on the left who put out the real disinformation, you cheesy, filthy mother. Look at her. Where do they make these people? Where do they make these frigging people? How dare you, young lady? Let's continue with this story. It is a delicious one.

I'm doing math to see when the show's over. 20 or 26 minutes. Ministry of Bullshit, Part 1. Republican officials ripped what I just talked about, recent plans of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Good to see they're concentrating on this and not the 10,000 Afghanis that are on a terrorist running loose in our country and half of South America

and MSN Third. Don't worry. Don't worry about that. Again, that doesn't affect them. They have gates and guards. Ripped the recent plans, the Republicans did, of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security to set up a disinformation governance board.

The Ministry of, what was it called in the movie, Truth? Yeah, Ministry of Truth. You guys, it's a great book if you haven't read it. It's terrific. Ministry of Truth. You guys, it's a great book if you haven't read it. It's terrific. Winston is the protagonist. I think he works for the Ministry of Truth, but he's writing down all the shit that he can't say about it because he doesn't believe in it.

Then him and his girlfriend, they were banging the shit out of each other. They have to throw that in, even back then. They meet a guy named O'Brien who supposedly is part of the Brotherhood, which is fighting against Big Brother. So they start spilling their guts to him, and they tell him where they usually meet, him and her. So the next time they go there, they get arrested. He's part of the fucking Scamorini, and it's very good.

It's very good. Larry Storch does some of his best work. Him and Zsa Zsa Gabor. Just kidding. Watch the movie and learn something. Disinformation governance board intended to combat misinformation online, describing it as Orwellian abuse of power, which is exactly what anybody who has a fifth grade education would realize. Why Tom Selleck is the big brother is beyond me.

I don't... He drives around in a Ferrari in Hawaii, busting... describing it as an Orwellian abuse of power and calling to defund it, which they should be doing. Again, the Republicans are putting up, and by the way, that Kevin McCarthy shit is breaking on him that he's got. He's as filthy. He's an anti-Trumper. He's going to be Speaker of the House. Yeah, I just said it. Anyways, Republicans want to defund it, and I think they're right on. If I could find where I am. Houston, we have a problem. I don't know how I got down there. Republicans blasted the move with many comparing it to the Ministry of Truth that disseminated propaganda in the classic dystopian fiction novel 1984,

while others pointed to Jankowitz's past, accusing her of promoting disinformation herself, which is absolutely true. Yeah, so she promotes disinformation herself, which is absolutely true. Yeah, so she promotes disinformation herself, and we know that the way she talked about the Hunter laptop thing. So we have to, I don't know how she got this job. I'm going to find out what the hell happens here. Yeah, well, you better. This is Nina Jankowicz on the laptop. I'm back on the laptop from hell, apparently. Biden notes 50 former national security officials and five former CIA heads that believe the laptop is a Russian influence op. Did we ever get apologies?

Did they ever come out and say we were fucking wrong? No, they don't give a fuck. So she was on the wrong side of literally a story that robbed probably Trump of an election. And she's going to decide what's true and what's not true. I hope she gets a yeast infection on wheels. I don't know what that means. Made no sense, but...

Ministry of Truth. The Ministry of Truth is one of the four. I'm explaining, this is part of the movie, folks. That should be the Democrats thing, not the donkey. That logo right there. The Ministry of Truth is, with a picture of Pelosi sucking Stalin's dick. That would be on the flag. The Ministry of Truth is, with a picture of Pelosi sucking Stalin's dick, that would be on the flag. The Ministry of Truth is one of the four ministries that make up the government of Oceania.

This is based on the, this is from the book, 1984. Oceania was actually England. It was known as the airstrip or something. The other three ministries are Ministry of Peace with Purpose of Military and War, Ministry of Love with a Purpose of Law and Order. Yeah, because they go hand in hand, don't they? Although some of the shit I tried in bed in college, we all fucked up, no? Ministry of Love with a Purpose of Law and Order.

Ministry of Plenty. Again of law. Ministry of plenty. Again, that's the candy section. With the purpose to manage the economy. Ministry of plenty. Not with Biden's. The ministry of truth deals with four major areas. Tell me this doesn't ring a bell, folks. And remember this.

This was written in the fucking, I don't know, 30s or 40s. Remember this. It deals with four major areas. Which one am I on? Ministry of? True. Yeah, here you go. News, entertainment, education, fine arts.

Huh. All those things are very left wing, aren't they? This guy was what you call prescient, way ahead of his time. The Ministry of Truth is described as a white pyramid, of course, with three slogans written on one face of the building. One of them's called, do it yourself, Home Depots. The Ministry of Truth is one of four giant white pyramids in Oceana's version of London, each of which houses one of the ministries. Listen, the building is three, that's the building. It's 300 meters tall. It's like three football fields. And said to have 3,000 rooms above and 3,000 rooms below ground level. I'm sorry, that's A-Rod's last

condo in Tampa. It is called mini true in newspeak, the official language of the nation, which relies heavily on abbreviation. Do you guys get the point? Do you see? Does this all sound familiar to you? It should. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. Take it easy, big bro. The branch of the government is devoted to making propaganda, changing historical records. Does that sound familiar to you, folks? And creating media for education and entertainment sounds like Disney headquarters. Creating media for education, entertainment, news, text, films, and images are created, altered. It's all going on right now. Deepfake and destroyed according to what is best for Big Brother.

The goal of the Ministry of Truth is to make it seem as if Big Brother is always right. Does that not sound like the today's Democrat Party? Look at that. There he is. I'm trying to think of something funny. That looks like my dad when he saw my homework in fifth grade. Anyways, here's a little, I think it's a clip from the actual movie, right? Is that what we're about to show? This is from 1984. Dash!

Brothers and sisters, one week from now, in this square, we shall, as a demonstration of our resolve, it's a sure sign for those who attempt to threaten our party in the seat, which will execute publicly the same number of East Asian business. Hanging. Hanging. And quartering. Quartering. Public execution. Electrocution. God, man.

That's your world. I just live in it. Does that look familiar? What party would be lockstep, you know, in groupthink? Does that look like anybody? The dumb Antifa, BLM, fucking white progressives who back all that shit? The Dem Party? Look at them. Brainless. No thoughts of their own.

Everything's groupthink. They know it all. They'll tell you what's right and wrong. Everything's groupthink. They know it all. They'll tell you what's right and wrong. That's creepy. Again, that could have been shot at the DNC a few years ago. I'm not exaggerating. It's fucking crazy. What a creepy movie, huh?

Ministry of Bullshit Part 2. I told you I was going to spend some time. It's that fucking important. It makes you want to go out and buy an AR-15 with a nice red dot scope on it. Polish it up real nice. Put it in the kitchen next to your shotgun and your cannon. What is...

Is that Biden? What's he got in his mouth? Oh, executive orders. Yeah, very nice. Meanwhile, I have a poster for the distraction Love Island and another representation of Brave New World, 1984, and cameras, all of that. People on their phones gobble-googing it up.

Love Island. I don't see Epstein in it. Speaking of disinformation, wrote Senator Cruz, who I'm getting tired of, even though I believe he's the brightest guy on the right. Does a lot of yapping, but nothing goes on. I guess he's trying. I don't want to fuck him. But as he shared a 2020 tweet from Jankowicz, appearing to downplay the Hunter Biden laptop fiasco. Well, of course she did. She's in the bag. We all know that.

She's in the fucking bag. I don't like her. You don't like her. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. Talking about the broad, not him. Anyways. Here's a laptop tweet. Yeah, we already showed it. We already showed it. Okay. Liberals use the phony term misinformation, which I caught on to, oh, I don't know, fucking

10 years ago. They were using it 10 years ago. Who are you to decide what misinformation? It is fucking, I was voted misinformation in high school. Went through a little weird stage of my life. Liberal used the phony term misinformation, by the way I said that and I don't know if I said it at a live show but it was day later it was up on Twitter. Somebody at Fox even used it I think. I'm sick of providing people with terms they could never think of in a million years. Oh, does this feel good?

Fucking. Don't touch your eyes. Is that what you said, China? Oh, fuck you. Liberals use the phony term misinformation to smear those who hold any opinion that differs from their elitist progressive worldview, wrote Senator Jimmy Dement right there. Right there, Jimmy Dement. You are correct, sir. This is an Orwellian abuse of power by Biden's

DHS against Americans' right to free speech, he added. They didn't need a disinformation governance board until, it's a great point, Elon Musk threatened their control over the narrative, wrote Representative Republican Troy Nails of Texas. You are correct, sir. Stuttering. Rather than police our border, Homeland Security has decided to make policing American speech its top priority. They're creating a disinformation board, wrote Senator Josh Hawley. And he's, it's true. Yes, sir. Is there anything more dystopian than a disinformation governance board run by the federal government, asked Florida congressional candidate Willie J. Montague.

Excellent question, my friend. Excellent question. No, no, no, no, no. That's the answer. Also, J.D. Vance said something that scrolled by when I wasn't paying attention. No, he said, Senator from Ohio, this is the guy that Trump just backed. This is downright scary, he said. And it really fucking is.

Boy, oh boy, oh boy. So that's it. That's the big story. And everybody will be talking about it. But you got it here first with foul language and all kinds of funny shit thrown in. Taco will do the same thing with much more clarity or whatever. But how this show isn't fucking bigger than Kardashian's ass is beyond me.

Let's do some housekeeping since my maid Maria is out with an ear infection. Listen, guys, a couple of house cleaning notes. After Trump was banned from Twitter, I swore the site off, if you remember, and it wasn't just me. I couldn't be on here telling you guys I believe in free speech and being on Twitter when they boot off the president of the United States, yet they leave the fucking leader of Tehran, of Iran, Ayatollah on there, and other fucking murderers. Just think about that for a second.

I want to let you know that I'm back on Twitter. I don't know what that means, but I'll be tweeting. I'm glad. Why did Tommy pick a ghost of me? I don't look old enough. Let's put him in gray. Looks kind of cool, though, with the blue. I got to be honest.

My pubes are still dark. If anybody out there is wondering, a couple of gay guys asked me at the coffee shop. I want to let you know that I'm back on Twitter. I think I know where Musk stands on the First Amendment, and I'm definitely going to show him where I stand, and I'm sure he'll be impressed. He would love me. Wouldn't he fucking love my act? I think he would.

My handle is at Nick DiPaolo, at Nick DiPaolo, you know that faggy, eh? Follow me today, and Tommy puts in here, I need like 700 more to hit 100,000. I was at 105,000 before they started shadow banning me. Also, while today is the 700th episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show, as we know it, there were like 500 or so episodes of the Nick DiPaolo podcast and earlier incarnations of the show. That said, I'm going to change the number on the next episode to 1201. And that's not a, that's accurate, folks. I might even be going a little, I sat in my basement, again, it wasn't on YouTube yet,

looking up stories just like I do now, working like a, what, what, what did you do? Oh, I thought you were giving me some type of signal. I just saw Dale, let's go like this. 12.01, just as another way to show these motherless fucks how long I've been here and that I'm not going anywhere. Tommy, that was fucking well said. Apparently he's listening to me as he works the fryer later until 2 in the morning. I've got to get the only manager who opens a fucking restaurant

the most successful in the history of Albany. I've got to try those curly fries. Are you like me, folks? Are you happy when you find hair in your food at Hooters? Nice curly black one. That would be the cook, not the server. Yeah, I know. It's fucking Randy, not Diane.

I did that joke in every city in the country for years. Fucking gets like an applause break. I'm the guy at the end sitting there fucking two in the afternoon, only one in there. Keep dropping my silverware. Lisa, I just got another spoon. Anyways, let's move on. This includes Jerkoff Biden.

Another Biden bummer. At the 2022 Teacher of the Year ceremony hosted by the White House on Wednesday, President Jackoff, I hate to call him president, claimed that school children, this is a quote from shit teeth, school children don't belong to parents when they're in the classroom. Spoken like a true molester of children. You, how about when they're in your, yeah, how about when they're in your fucking basement

chained to a radiator? Or on his lap as he strokes their hair. Exactly. On your lap as you're sniffing the prel off an 11-year-old girl's neck, you filthy dinkweed. I don't like you. Hope you get the, I said I don't like you. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? Joe Pesci's worth his weight in gold. Have you ever

heard anybody so hateful? There are all our children. This is what he says. This is Biden talking about school children. No, they're not. No, they're not. You didn't get laid that much. You don't even know if your kids are your children. And the reason you're the

teacher of the year is because you recognize that. They're not somebody else's children. I am quoting the president of the motherfucking United States under Democrat rule. They're not yours. They're somebody else's children. Sort of like Obama going, you didn't build that business. You didn't build the roads. Remember that?

That fucking Marxist cunt. They're not somebody else's children. They're like yours when they're in the classroom, he said. You might as well finger pop them in the fucking restroom, he added. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.

May God have mercy on your soul. Fuck that. He's going to hell in a handbasket with Pelosi sitting on his face with a giant catch-his-mint muff. Later in the speech, Biden targeted Republicans and the parent movements in local school districts that have fought to remove from libraries and curricula books that promote radical gender and racial ideologies. Quote shithead here. There are too many politicians trying to score political points, trying to ban books, even math books. Did you ever think when you'd be teaching,

points trying to ban books, even math books. Did you ever think when you'd be teaching, when you'd be teaching, you're going to be worried about book burnings and banning books all because it doesn't fit somebody's political agenda? First of all, he couldn't even. You fucking hypocrite. He couldn't even write that statement himself. That's right out of AOC, one of the squad's mouth. Are you fucking kidding me? Book burning? How about when somebody on the right writes a bestseller and they won't sell it at Barnes & Noble or put it on the New York Times bestseller?

Are you fucking kidding me? That's just what they do. God damn it, I left the stove on. Making Elio's pizza, remember those? Do you remember those? You remember Elio? Boy, I guess they were national, huh? Almost burnt my house down.

The comments struck a similar tone to that of former Virginia Democrat gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe another douchebag friend of the Clintons when he made his now infamous remark last year that parents should not be involved in K-12 public education on the campaign trail he declared at a debate he actually said that he said I'm not going to let parents come into schools and actually take books out and make their own decisions. I don't think parents should be telling schools what they shouldn't teach. And how did that work out for you when you made that statement, you piece of cheese? You're a loser. You'll always be a loser.

McAuliffe's then opponent, remember this? Glenn Youngking, Republican, now the governor of Virginia, so you know how that worked out, counted with, you believe school systems should tell children what to do? I believe parents should be in charge of their kids' education. Right after he said that, landslide. Since Youngking's sweeping victory in the state, multiple Republicans have followed this model, making parental rights. Here's my theory on this. They are so ensconced in their own echo chamber, libs and shit, they probably don't even know why Young can beat this guy. They're too busy trying to fuck with us, the taxpayers. I swear to God. Why would you come out, Biden, after knowing this and say that, other than somebody

told you to say it, Who wasn't aware of. You can't fuck with kids. I don't care what their political stripes are. Making parental rights a major policy priority. And crafting legislation along those lines. So he fucking won big. Because of that stupid statement. Which Biden just spit out.

Again yesterday. I can't even, oh, I want to know who briefs them here, get out there and say this and that. It's just, I got to say it was brilliant that they nominated him. I swear, they must have sat in a room and go, who's dumb enough? Who on our side is dumb enough to go out and say this shit? And they take the fire and not us. Joe's over there.

They look over, and he's playing with Play-Doh. He's making a little house. Hey, Joe, come here. I got a job for you. No, I don't want to. I don't want to. We have my Jell-O. For those of you in New York, make plans to come and see me live.

That's next weekend. Oh, my God, it's already here. I was just bragging how I had a month off. On Friday, May 6th, I'll be at Long Island at Governor's Comedy Club in Levittown, one of my favorite old haunts. And then the next night, I'll be just north of New York City at the Paramount Theater in Peekskill, New York. Also, it's Mother's Day weekend.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, says I love you, Mom, like tickets to a Nick DiPaolo show. I mean nothing, says I love you, motherfucker. If your mother doesn't mind the word cunt, please bring her out. Even if she is one. Again, that's Friday at Governor's on Long Island, Saturday at the Paramount in Peekskill. For tickets, go to Nick's Big Medium Average Cock Dot Grizzle Teeth. That was my nickname in high school, Johnny Grizzle Cock. Yeah, USB, how did I do?

For tickets, go to nickdip.com. Click on the tour button. If you don't know how to do that, I feel like the flat attendant going, to put the buckle in the... Also, for those of you down this way, I'll be in Myrtle Beach May 20th and May 21st, paying for that goddamn toilet at the Comedy

Cabana, which is a great room, by the way. You can get those tickets also on my website at nickdip.com. Click on the tour button. Finally, tonight, the king is no longer, changing it up a little bit, Baz Luhrmann is throwing out the rule book for his up-and-coming

Elvis Presley film. Elvis, remember how I just mentioned in the previous story how they erase history and all that shit? Here's another example. Elvis in theaters on June 24th tracks three decades, it's the name of the movie, in the life and career of the king of rock and roll played by former Nickelodeon and Disney Channel actor Austin Butler, which means he's probably been molested for the last 10 years.

But as Lerman explained to the theater owners at CinemaCon Tuesday, this isn't really a biopic. Rather, the movie is about America in this, here you go, 50s, 60s, and 70s. So get ready for a lot of racism and Klan and ba-ba-ba.

All their movies take place, you know, when white people thought the country was good and ba- blah, blah. Viewed through the prism of Presley's astronomical rise and fall. You will hear the classics. You will see the story of Elvis. But we've also translated, here it comes, that for a younger generation. And I think you all know what that means. Don't you? I sure you do.

Oh, that dirty cocksucker. Yeah. They're going to put a drum beat behind. They're going to put a drum beat behind fucking fools rushing in that you won't even recognize. Despise it with every fiber of my being. So what does that mean?

For starters, here you go. Because when I think of an Elvis movie, look at this fucking, this guy, look at it. You can tell he's created in a lab in West Hollywood. Chekhov. So what does that mean? For starters, rapper Doja Cat. My mother loves Doja Cat. Black, by the way, I looked up her ethnicity, black and Jewish.

You can't get more Hollywood management. Anyway, she's good looking, Bob. Maybe she's talented, but that's not the point. Black and Jewish samples Hound Dog, so they redid Hound Dog, because that song wasn't good as it was. They have to put a fucking, as Christopher Baltasanti said, some ignorant third grade poetry, put a drum, as Christopher Balthasanti said, some ignorant third grade poetry, put a drum machine behind.

On a booming new track that played over footage shown to convention goers. They got to see it at convention goers. And I wonder, well, here's the response. So I guess they didn't like it. And unsurprising to anyone who's seen Lerman's Moulin Rouge, which I've seen over and over again, so much so I was on an AZT cocktail for about two years. His frenetic editing, garish colors.

This is me talking about it. And swooping cameras were all showcased. Is that how you shoot, Dallas, when you do shit? Do you garish colors and swooping cum stains and swooping cameras? And we're all showcased in a concert scene of Presley being mobbed by fans as the singer thrusts and gyrates, crooning song Trouble. In that moment, Elvis the man was sacrificed, and Elvis the God was born. Tom Honks. Tom Honks.

Tom Honks is born. Tom Hanks says in a voiceover, laying on a thick Dutch accent, as Presley's domineering manager, Colonel Tompah. He looks good there. Clip of the trailer? There you go. Mr. Elvis Presley. Watch how they zoom in on his dick three times.

In that moment, I watched that skinny boy transform into a superhero. Way! Yummy, yummy. He was my destiny. That reminds me of my first time on stage at the Improvinella. Them girls wanted my balls in their mouth, so I did a little chunk called Men Are Bad. Do you believe that?

They zoom into his crotch. If you people don't know, Elvis got in trouble for gyrating on the Ed Sullivan show or something, wasn't it? I believe they told him he couldn't do that. Might have been Mick Jagger. Anybody who got a lot of pussy, they were... But I love, they zoom in on his crotch and then cut to the girls fucking...

Is that how girls acted in the 50s? I guess so. Huh? Yeah, they did. Now it's Terrell Suggs for the... Or some Korean boy band. A Korean boy band, which I like. Don't pick on that shit.

That's a lot of soul in that music. As in Seoul, Korea. Good night. It's why I'm the best, everybody, huh? Grab there. That's it, folks. I bet you're thankful this show's's over that is it for the week again thank you guys for um tuning in and uh keeping the show alive don't forget to sign up monthly

that'll be doing us the biggest favor if you want to support the show thecomicsgym.com patreon.com nickdip.com and cameo.com if you want me to do a roast, a short minute, minute and a half, where you tell me some information about a friend of yours and we bust balls. I'll make a little video. Before I go for the week, I want to thank all you people that contribute to the show. That's how it works on the Internet, man. Paul Sagnella. I've never heard of that guy, from Connecticut. I finally get to meet him, good guy.

Sean O'Connor of New York. Larry, hey, there's a name I don't think I've ever seen. Larry Smogaleski. Smogaleski, Michigan, I love it. I wonder if that's real. Ryan, go fuck yourself, Foster, from Oregon. They're always angry. And Kit Fortney from Michigan, of course. Michael Brown, the guy that was shot by the cop in St. Louis, he's back up and running. Michael Brown of New

York. Buddy Sean Powell, apparently liver transplant, still hanging in. Timothy Parrow of New York. Jason Babcock of New York also. Brent Miller of Pennsylvania. David Yenny of South Carolina. Jimmy Dempster, Georgia. Go Dawgs. Douglas Young. And new monthly supporters, Noble Intent Company. What is that, Della? I like it. Rick Duffy. Frank Rich. Bill Not-So-Rich.

Franklin Williamson. Joseph Hirsch. Scott Brown. Stephen Standley. Put a D in there. That's how it's spelled. Thank you guys for contributing on a monthly basis. We appreciate it very much.

I hope you have a great weekend. I am. I'm going to go antiquing with my life partner, Billy. That's it. You guys think and I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here on monday take care everybody have a good weekend Oh, wow, wow, wow Oh, wow, wow, wow

Oh, yeah. Outro Music