The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dimwitted Dems On Parade!!! #168

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

Biden Bloviates!  Bernie Blunders! Buttigieg Blows!

🎵 Oh yeah, it's Monday. Another Monday. How are you folks? Welcome to the beautiful Nick DiPaolo Studios in the Georgia area. Let's say the South. I'm now in Tennessee. No, I'm in South Carolina. This episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show is brought to you by BlueChew.com.

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Just pay $5 shipping. Again, that's bluechew.com. Promo code Nick to try it for free. And we thank bluechew.com for sponsoring this episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show. How's it going, folks? Good to be with you. It's Monday. Here's the thing.

I want to get off my chest. I just want to instruct you people. Here's the thing. I want to get off my chest. Not off my chest. I just want to instruct you people. Here's the thing about Monday shows. We're live now. We're live for the public at 11 a.m. every Monday. However, the show won't remain public after 12 p.m. It goes dark until we republish at 7 p.m. unless you're a Patreon member.

So sign up to access the show all day, or else you'll just have to wait until 7 p.m. for more of me. I mean, even my wife can't do that. So remember that. It's very important. And the other thing I want to say is that I've been informed that Google and Facebook won't let us promote breath of fresh air. I don't know.

Maybe it's the adult language. I thought, you know, it's the Internet. They show fucking simulated rape and pedophilia. But me saying fuck and the word black or gay or Muslim is just out of line. Or maybe it's because I said I love Trump in the special. That's probably really it. or maybe it's because I said I love Trump in the special. That's probably really it.

Either way, that means we really need you to continue helping us to get the special out there. You've got to share it, please. I can't emphasize this enough. Share it on Facebook and on Twitter and all your social media, please. This is a grassroots operation, and we're going to overtake everybody if you all get involved, okay? It's not going to happen on network TV. It's not going to happen anywhere else. Just share it with everybody you know that thinks like you, and that doesn't think like you if you want to piss off a bunch of people.

But Breath of Fresh Air is just that. It's a Breath of Fresh Air. 20 to 1 positive remarks to negative, and a little under 400,000 views. So we're winning, but we need your momentum. So please share it. Give it to Grammy, Uncle Joe. Dig up a relative who used to be in the tech industry. I don't give a shit.

We're coming to you live, baby, as usual. We'll do it live. Ooh, Zambuca. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I'll write it, and we'll do it live. That's what we do here. I'll write it and we'll do it live. That's what we do here.

Hey, hey, hey. Fucking thing sucks. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. All righty. So, enjoy. What has happened over the weekend? Busy weekend as the dim-witted Democrats march out their possible, you know, presidential nominees for 2020 and what a uh what a pile of cheese that's all i get to say jesus i think i finally got somebody i hate more than adam schiff

this pete budaj first you can't be a president with that name there he is a healthy young mr bean tell me he doesn't look like there he he goes. It's the same fucking guy. That's him looking at the Constitution. He's gay, which is terrific. Check that box for the Dems. That's very important. He's a vet, which I give him credit for, too, but he joined to... Why?

Meet men in the military. I mean, McCain even said that about the Navy. Come on, folks. You're not kidding anybody. Small-town mayor of South Bend, Indiana. My ass. I'm more qualified. Look at the look on his face.

Look at that. He's looking at a picture of Thor in that movie. Getting a Raltney. Anyways, why do I hate this guy so much? anyways why do I hate this guy so much he's for he's for everything that's honoring Thomas Jefferson to be renamed that's all I need to know about you

that's all I need to know Jefferson is the face of liberty he's a oh he owns slaves yes once again this guy who's so bright Pete Buttigieg is taking today's contemporary standards and applying it to, you know, when Jefferson had slaves and everybody else had slaves. And he's for renaming shit, which is what the Nazis did when they tore down the statues.

It's what ISIS does, tear down any history of any other culture. And he's just – he's soft on a lot of shit but that was it for me call me a one issue voter on this one but i do you know respect him for his service and whatnot but uh i don't know i don't know can i say this i'd rather an angry heterosexual put the air conditioning on guys i'm burning up you know i'm sick as a dog i had a fever i don't care if they can hear it or not. It's a fucking 101. Sweating through my sheets like I had Ebola. I've been living on a mattress for three weeks. I get guys buffing my floors with things that sound like F-16 fighters in my living room at 8 in the morning. I have nowhere to shit. It's

just, you wonder why I'm a fucking tad cranky. And then I have the air conditioning blown on my neck for two weeks. Now I'm spitting up blood. Anyways, back to the show. He says, yeah, as far as renaming stuff that honors Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, we're doing that in Indiana. I think it's the right thing to do. Do you? Well, you're a fucking dope.

And you get a mongoloid haircut. Nick, why do you say that? Well, because I can. There's a lot, of course, to admire in his thinking. He's talking about Jefferson and his philosophy. See, that's where he's just covering his own ass. He doesn't mean that. Put it down to 69, Rich, and sit the fuck down. You're distracting me. Thank you. Yes, I'm cranky. I'm burning up over here. There's a lot, of course, to admire in his thinking and his philosophy, but as he said of the author of the Declaration of Independence and the nation's third president, but that again, if you plunge into his writings, especially the notes on the state of Virginia, you know that he knew slavery was wrong, and yet he did it. Just like you know banging a guy in the mouth is wrong, but you

do it. Of course I'm teasing, folks. Relax. I have plenty of gay friends. I'm in show business. Okay? What they do sexually. I always hear some of my friends going, oh, this gay guy did some perverted shit. If you knew what I'd try to do to girls in college, I'd be in jail for fucking, well, since

1983. But anyways, I don't care for this guy. He does not look like a leader. He looks like he'd be folding sweaters at the fucking Gap, in my opinion. Don't you think so? What about homosexuality? I like it. You like men?

Yes, I do. Then again, if you plunge into his writing, slavery was right, and he knew it. But he also helped abolish it, did he not? I think he did. At least the, you know, Western world did. The politician favors removing Jefferson's name from traditional events, like the Democrat Party's annual Jefferson Jackson dinners, and from buildings, but not from history books. Oh, that's nice of you. Over time, you develop and evolve on things you choose to honor. Naming something after someone confers a lot of honor. Yes, you evolve on things you choose to honor naming something after someone confers a

lot of honor yes you evolve and you should have evolved and you're thinking to go you know what we need these statues of these guys that were controversial because some people actually like them am i wrong here is this like a you're going to rename Thomas? Thomas Jefferson is the face of fucking liberty. He's more American than, you know, fucking Pam Anderson's tits. I don't know. That's all I got. But anyways, Buttigieg. I guess he was on Fox News.

He did a little town hall. And at the end, he got a standing ovation. That's what the media is covering. Yeah, it was about a spontaneous... When I get a standing ovation at one of my specials, they actually put electric bolts in the seats for people to... Ugh, just a wishy-washy anti-American,

but par for the course for the Dems, let's be honest. Who else? Oh, Captain Joe Biden, this guy. Mama, help me. He was in Philly giving his. That's him coming at a 14-year-old girl. Look at those boobies coming in.

I bet you're as flexible as a tomcat, huh, Diane? Look at that. It's creeping me out. He gave a big speech in Philly, officially announcing his candidacy. And let's take a look at some of Dirty Uncle. Everybody had hairnets on, by the way, in the audience. Our politics has become so mean, so petty, so negative, so partisan, so angry, and so unproductive. So unproductive. Instead of debating our opponents, we deeply... So unproductive.

We have the strongest economy in the history of the United States. So unproductive. We haven't heard from ISIS in over a year and a half. So unproductive. Unemployment's at record lows. The stock market's at record highs. So unproductive for you jackoffs who believe in whatever you believe in. Go ahead, Uncle Joe.

Let it fly. Instead of questioning judgments, we question their motives. Instead of listening, we shout. Instead of looking for solutions, we look to score. We spy on the other campaign. But no more. No more. Because this politics, this politics is pulling us apart. It's ripping this country apart at the seams.

Pause. Really? This politics is ripping... I hope you're talking about your own party. You guys traffic in identity politics. You're the ones who have people fighting over what bathrooms to use. That doesn't come from the fucking right. You're the ones saying every white cop is shooting on unblack. Oh, that's bringing us together. I love this notion that Trump, all this divisiveness, didn't exist until Trump got in office.

You are so full of shit and all you baby seals behind him just applauding. How can anybody that goes to a live event, I don't care if it's a Republican speaking or a Democrat or Libertarian, You are so full of shit, and all you baby seals behind him just applauding. How can anybody that goes to a live event, I don't care if it's a Republican speaking or a Democrat or Libertarian, how can you applaud any of these turds that fly out of their mouths? This shit, they've been saying this shit for 50 years, both sides. Anything PC. We all say we hate political correctness. They come up here, and that's all they spew, And everybody's like, yes, we should all come together. Muslims, Indians, Iranians, Mexicans.

Fucking, ugh. Go ahead. Our politicians, our politics today, traffics in division. Yes. Our president is the divider in chief. Oh. Look, he's not the only one. Far from it.

No, you are. He's just the worst practitioner of politics that singles out, scapegoats, and demonizes. He holds out the other as a source of all the problems. Pause. Remember Obama's quote when he got in office? Oh, the people on the right, they're bitter and they cling to their guns and Bibles. Yeah, there was some fucking unity, wasn't it?

You went around and apologized for everything the United States stood for. You're full of shit. I love this notion it's all started under Trump. Remember Baltimore? Remember Ferguson burning? Remember Obama calling the cops

at Harvard stupid before he even knew what was going on? You remember Eric Holder fucking sneaking into James Rosen's computer at Fox News. A lowest learner in the IRS. Going after conservative groups. Yeah, you're all for bringing us together. Identity politics is what divides us.

And you guys have perfected it. Back to Uncle Joe. The immigrant. The Muslim. Anyone different in creed or color or conviction, there's a problem. Pause. Oh, really? How about the toxic white male? Old white men, get the fuck out of the way.

You're nervous because the world is changing too fast for you. Uh-uh-uh. I got to remind you, Uncle Joe, Trump won last time with his message. But keep saying the same shit. I want to like you, too. I kind of want to like him. He lost his wife and his daughter in a car accident. His son died.

Seriously, but you're full of shit. Anyways, go ahead. That's what he says. That's been the scheme used by unscrupulous politicians for decades. But it comes at a gigantic cost. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. It comes at a gigantic cost. It weakens us. It distracts us.

It divides us. So does touching little girl's shoulders. It causes us to lose credibility around the world. You know, it picks at the wounds and it solves nothing. This is not who we are. This is not who we are. And I absolutely refuse. Pause. No, you know who we are?

We're a party that fucking tried to pull off a silent coup because we didn't like the fact of the last outcome of the presidency. Hillary lost. And that's all documented. You people, if you want to argue that, you're just being intellectually dishonest.

That's who you guys are. You literally spied on a guy running for president. And it's all going to come out thanks to Attorney Barr. But that's who you are. Those are your American values. You see how all that's shallow, the shit pouring out of his mouth? If you follow the news a little bit and the Mueller report and all this,

it's just turds. He's 76. What is he, 76, 78? He can't help but be cynical. He's been in Washington his whole life. And you lefties, it's time for a woman, a gay woman, black president, and you get the crustiest old white motherfucker. Yeah, even you realize they're the best at it.

They're the best at lying. Go ahead. Oh, is that it? Is that it? I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. That doesn't sound loud enough to me. Was it, Dick?

Yeah, it sounded good over here. He goes, it sounds good over here. Like he's in another state in a booth. Now, here's some of... I want to show you some past uh joe biden and good examples of him trying to bring us together and how he's uh he doesn't make any racial gaps or um he has a little montage of some of joe's greatest hits you cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking.

Even call centers, even call centers was rushed overseas in the hundreds of thousands. How many times you get the call? I'd like to talk to you about your critical. Joe, pause. You've got to commit if you're going to do an impression. They're so afraid to go there. At least Hillary tries to do that stupid southern accent, quoting some Bible that black people verse that black people.

Joe went, hello. You've got to commit. Watch Frank Caliendo when he does John Madden. You've got to turn into that fucking Indian that you hate so much at Dunkin' Donuts, Joe? I would like a collar, please. Don't you tell me what to do. You've got to commit. But go ahead, Joe.

I'd like to talk to you about your credit card. It's a large, very identifiable Somali community. I might add, if you ever come to the train station with me, you'll notice that I have great relationships with them because there's an awful lot of driving cabs. They researched that. There was no Somalis driving cabs where he was talking about. They actually looked it up.

Like CNN, somebody not even a right wing. But, you know. But it's only Trump that divides and, you know. And, oh, this was my favorite. First, sort of mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man. What kind of a chance with a Northeastern liberal like Joe Biden's Clean. A black guy who's clean and articulate....in the South... Racist.

...if you were running in Democratic primaries against Southerners like Mark Warner and John Edwards? Better than anybody else. And you don't know my state. My state was a slave state. My state was a border state. My state is the eighth largest black population in the country. My state is anything from a Northeast liberal state. Look at what they value...

A slave state....look at their budget at what they value a slave state budget and what they're proposing romney wants to let the he said in the first hundred days he's gonna let the big banks once again write their own rules unchain wall street they're gonna put y'all back in chains all right that's it that's enough i'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm going to put you back in chains. Oh, yes. But Trump is the divisive one racially. He's insensitive. He's the one who scapegoats the Muslims and the black. Aye, aye, aye. At least fucking Trump actually believes what he says. This guy is at walking

talking point. Look at that creepy face. Exactly. That's the face you see before he holds a pillow over you. Fucking head as he says goodnight. Anyways, Joey boy. It's going to be easy. Joey boy. It's going to be easy. And then we got Bernie who's getting smoked right now by, I don't think, again, Bernie, a little bit of brand. I don't think Biden's going to hold on. I really don't. I don't know. But Bernie came out, and he showed his true socialist colors

and his knowledge of free markets. And this one made me laugh because I was watching Oprah. That's right. I used to love Oprah when they had, you know, a girl on whose uncle chased her with a feather duster on her 13th birthday. We had to pretend all uncles did that and shit. But anyways, I remember watching it, and there was a guy on there. It was a politician arguing that, like, surgeons,

because they say people should get paid as much as athletes. I wasn't even versed in economics. And I'm like, first of all, it's based on eyes. If you could find 80 million people to watch a surgeon take a bunion off an 80-year-old woman's foot, then you could advertise and make big bucks. That's how it works. And Bernie thinks that baseball players' contracts, those millions of millions of dollars, that's what teachers should get.

Number one, teachers get paid by us, the taxpayers. Fucking baseball players. It's a private company. You pay what you pay. This is a really... AOC had to be diddling herself when he said this. I think even the horse-tooth jackass AOC knows this

much. I might be wrong, but here's Bernie, and I was very surprised that a Jewish fellow doesn't know how the free markets work. Don't take that the wrong way. Here he is, the Muppet. So if we are a nation that can provide contracts to baseball players for hundreds of millions of dollars, don't tell me we cannot pay teachers in this country the kind of wages and salaries they deserve.

Get out. Somebody get him a comb. Okay. If you can find me a social studies teacher who hits 355 with a 970 slugging percentage, I will pay that son of a bitch $14 million a year. That's not how it works, Bernie.

Nobody's going to tune in to watch some fucking broad teacher retarded kid long division. Jesus. I know he knows better. Does he? Or am I giving him too much credit? Ah, you silly bastard, you.

We should be able to pay them what? Bryce Hopper's making what? He's making $70 million a minute? That's what a chemistry PG should be making. What a dipshit. What a silly motherfucker. Who said that? Bernie did. Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little cop in a shit twinkle-toed cock? Uncle Bernie! He's on his own network! Anyways, Twitter users fucking took him to school.

Even the idiots on Twitter, the most ignorant people on earth, including myself, fucking schooled him. Look, this is after he read all the tweets coming in to him, and they got nasty with him, I think. It seems foolish to have all this money lying around. Oh, you'd rather have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can leer at it? Oh, my God, who said that? That was from D. Trump at the White House. He's a bigot. at the White House.

He's a bigot. I can't believe it. A utility infielder from the Dominican Republic who came up here on a caravan is making 20 to 30 million dollars a year.

But a geometry teacher is barely making minimum wage. We've got to do better. Just move to Cuba, you dumb fuck. You left your hat there when you were honeymooning,

remember? Pick it up. Anyways, let's go across the globe. Did you see Arnie Schwarzenegger over in South Africa? I don't know why, if you're a white guy, you'd be going to South Africa for anything.

I mean, they're murdering white farmers, you know, like they're fucking hip-hop artists in South Central. A video surfaced this weekend of Schwarzenegger currently in Sandin, South Africa for the Arnold Classic Africa. I have a summer home in Sandin.

It's getting a little edgy. I was trying to cut my grass and a few black guys are yelling at me. They go, get the fuck out of here. Did you see him getting kicked in the back? Now, Arnie, folks, this isn't Schwarzenegger of, you know, Terminator and shit. This guy's in his late hundreds. He has osteoporosis. His fucking kidneys are like Spanish beans from doing juice.

He's been juicing since he was 11. Guy had a 78-inch chest in fifth grade. Been on dialysis for the last 30 years. He's shitting blood. And this is what happens. Again, this is him trying to do some good in South Africa, and white people aren't their part. It's muscle.

I love him. Oh! Don Lemon comes out of nowhere. Don fucking Lemon of CNN. Don Lemon comes flying out of nowhere. He was on cables

like Peter Pan. He came down and kicked the fucking Schwarzenegger right in the back. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Arnie didn't even... We have another view, right? This is like the NFL. We watch...

It's like a helmet-on-helmet contact. We're going to review it. We don't know if this guy's going to be kicked out of the game for this or not. Here it is from another angle. is going to be kicked out of the game for this. Here it is from another angle. Don Lemon, ladies and gentlemen. Look at Schwarzenegger, hardly moved.

Meanwhile, that kid broke both his fibula and tibia. Unbelievable. Look at Arnie, ready to go. Still got those pipes. He's got tits like me, though, down by his belly button. And I didn't even juice. What's my excuse? But absolutely.

But then he tweeted, thanks for your concerns, but there is nothing to worry about. I thought I was judged by the crowd. He says, but I won't be Bach. I think I broke my Bach, which happens a lot. I only realized I was kicked when I saw the video like all of you I'm just glad the idiot didn't interrupt my snapchat why put a picture up where he looked good I like the way he looked in the video

I love Schwarzenegger I was a kid when he was like you know in the 70s I was just starting to lift weights and shit and I remember sending away for some of his stuff and I was making milkshakes to put on weight. Literally, it had a quart of ice cream in it, like six bananas and a jar of peanut butter. And I didn't know I was lactose tolerant when I was 14. I had no tolerance for lactose.

I'd drink that milkshake at 9 a.m. and spend from 11 to 4 p.m. on the toilet going, I'm losing weight. I'm supposed to be bulking up. But he's the American dream. He came over here, man, and I fucking still love him. He sucked as governor. But we got...

Rich, what's the air conditioning on? 63. Seriously? Yes, sir. I must be. I really do got some type of fungus I picked up on American Airlines. Definitely Ebola. Ebola?

I already made that joke. What do you got for Super Chat? Go and Commando said, a gay man named Booty Judge, a bit on the nose, don't you think? Yeah, it was too easy. That's why I didn't say it. There's a difference between an amateur and a pro. But yes, Booty Judge. Yes, I appreciate it. There's a difference between an amateur and a pro. But yes, booty judge. We all. Yes, I appreciate it.

Long Japan. That's the free market. I appreciate it. Bernie does not. Anything else? That's all, sir. Oh, God damn it. Come on, folks.

Wake up. I was up at quarter of God damn. What am I saying? Six thirty five this morning. My wife snores a bit, so I took the blow-up mattress. I'm in an empty living room, sleeping in a corner, next to toolboxes that the guy that's doing my floors left on Friday. This is the life I've been living, man, like I'm hiding out, like I'm a heroin dealer and shit.

Oh, my God, with a skinny little blanket. It's like 11 degrees and I woke up. Nothing, a little coffee and you know what won't cure. Anyways, Arnie, we hope you never go over there again. Homeland Security reverses course on plan to ship illegal immigrants across the nation. Kevin McLean said the department had been considering it, but decided it makes more sense to continue to try to process and release them at the border. I don't know how that makes more sense when you guys said you're overwhelmed a month ago, rather than spread the pain to other

communities who so far have been immune to the border crisis. That was a reversal from Friday when a border official told reporters they were, in fact, looking across the entire nation for places to ship the migrants for processing. Here's what bothers me about reading these articles. I read, like, the Washington Post and USA Today, and they refer to them as migrants. And nobody says illeg legal is undocumented. I'm not sure all of them are really, but a lot of them are. But you can't tell depending on what source you're reading. The fact that officials were pondering the idea is a sign of how overwhelmed the border is.

Several border communities have declared states of emergency, saying they no longer can handle the people being caught then released into their communities. And this is what it all sounds like. Stay still! Don't eat shit, you son of a bitch! What are you doing? That's what I'm doing! At your local mall on a Tuesday morning.

Homeland Security officials say what they're seeing at the border is unprecedented. No shit. say what they're seeing at the border is unprecedented. No shit. While the overall number of illegal immigrants snared at the border is not yet at record levels, the flow now is mostly unaccompanied children or families. Why? Because they know how to play the system. They have to let you in.

It's like they have a raggedy hand doll. They just pass it around. This is my kid. Well, why does it get red hair and freckles and braids? I don't know. I just bought it off this guy from Guatemala for $11. They're drawn to the United States by lax laws. You don't say.

Families can't be held beyond 20 days. Let's change that, but we can't because the Dems are enjoying this. And cases usually take at least twice that time. So border authorities are forced to process and release them as quickly as possible. Once released, they usually head for bus stations where nonprofit organizations are on hand to offer them help. Shipping some to other locations was meant to relieve the pressure on areas such as western Arizona, Southern Texas, and El Paso, the New Mexico line, which are particularly stressed by the surge.

Sorry, that's where you guys chose to live. It's just like living in the Southeast when you get hurricanes. That's your cross to bear. Sorry. But anybody, this should be the top story every day. They're pouring in. We can't handle them anymore.

They're putting them on planes to San Diego. I wonder why I have a sore throat when I get off the fucking plane. Fucking somebody from Guatemala sitting next to me with a fucking chinchilla. Uncaged. Mr. McElhinney said there are more than 16,000 people in custody of Custom and Border Protection in facilities that were designed in the 1980s and 90s when the flow was mostly adults who stayed for just a few hours.

The stuff is obsolete. We have to build new shit. Who's going to pay for that? They're not even in here yet, and they're sucking off the tit. So this should be the number one story everybody who's running for president this should be tops but you're not going to hear the Dems bring it up Buttigieg he's too worried about Pence being anti-gay

and fucking pulling down Jefferson statues you guys are watching it you're witnessing a really dark time no pun intended I didn't mean to be racist with that I'm just saying you're watching the western civilization being changed No pun intended. I didn't mean to be racist with that. I'm just saying. You're watching the Western civilization being changed.

I'll show you what's going on in France in a few minutes. They get some balls over there, don't they, the French? They really stand up for their own. Fucking believable. Without the option of Florida or northern border states, McAleenan said Homeland Security will push to have the military help expand detention capacity. And we'll use other southwestern border facilities. So instead of, you know, the military looking out for real threats, they have to babysit all these fucking families pouring in that don't belong here, that aren't going to do anything.

They're going to push down wages for you people in low-skill positions. And there's really no upside. That's why we should use a merit-based system like Canada does, like England does, like a few other countries do. Listen to this. Already flights have begun going from southern Texas to San Diego. San Diego's like, that's what we need, more Latinos. Latinos. Nothing? All right.

You guys, I wasn't looking for a laugh. I'm just, I'm fucking, I'm actually getting punchy. I'm so sweaty. Babysitting and shuttling all those migrants is taking a major toll on the Border Patrol. babysitting and shuttling all those migrants is taking a major toll on the Border Patrol. A top official said last week that 50% of agents' time is now spent on transportation, providing medical care, feeding, and otherwise catering to migrants. Exactly what parents do with their kids.

That's exactly what you do. Am I right? Jason, you know, you just left your parents' house for the first time in 100 years. You know, they drove me to soccer practice over Saturday. It was great. Did they really? No. Dude, you get cancer with a funny bone. I don't mean to bust your balls.

No, it's fair. Don't worry. That's the funny part when you can't defend themselves. Transportation. That's right, to soccer practice. That's what I'm talking about. Providing medical care so they're under their parents' insurance. Feeding the kids.

This is, and you're all right with this. Go, go, Buttigieg. Go, Bernie. I almost want them to win just to watch this country fucking be destroyed in six minutes after they take office. Not really. I love this country. I can't read

anymore. It's making sick to my stomach. I am sweating like Patti LaBelle doing a concert in South Africa. My Patti LaBelle. Because I worked with her. I opened for her on a hot night in Cape Cod and she was looking like Robert Parrish at the Fowl Line at the old Boston Garden in August.

Hey kids, come see me live May 31st. Jonathan's in a gunk with Maine. Saturday, June 1, the next night, whites of Westport, Westport, Mass. Thursday, June 6, the fat black pussycat in New York City. What's this? What do we got here? Holy moly. Did this just happen?

Thank you. Appreciate it. I'll get to that in a minute. The Fat Black Pussycat, June 6th in New York City. Friday, June 7th, Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Saturday, August 10th,

Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, August 16th and 7th, Helium in Philadelphia. Thursday, October 10th, Levity Live, Nyack, New York. Friday, October 18th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. Friday, November 15th, the Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York.

Saturday, November 16th, the Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs. And then New Year's Eve, back at Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. One of the best gigs in the country, no doubt about it. Real quick before I move on, shout-outs. New Vito patron. Oh, this guy has some dollars. That's Andrew Martin. And what's up here, guys?

This isn't – you got a girl named Gina up in the corner. You fucking – honest to God, fellas. Gina Butson. I'm guessing she's maybe a new veto patron. Yeah, she's closest to the veto section on that side. Yeah, nice work. Appreciate it, guys. Fucking really paying attention to detail.

Breaking news. Rich got a new hairdresser. There was a guy that climbed up the Eiffel Tower and was evacuated in France. So you're getting to the French story. I just got an alert that they evacuated the Eiffel Tower because there's a guy climbing up there. Yeah, I read that about three hours ago, the guy climbing up there. But thanks for the breaking news, cheese dick. Listen.

It's like Fox News. Every time somebody thoughts, ding, dong, dong, news alert. That's a tip to Fox News. You want to be taken seriously? Stop with the fucking cowbells every time a news story, ding, ding, ding. Fucking, you know, it turns out that like Buzz Aldrin died three weeks ago. Gina Butson. I don't know because my crack staff, you know, you're either a veto patron or whatever, but his contributions.

Brad Hutchings, Fred Flintstone. This is why I can't stand the fucking internet. Teresa Tyler, Robert Hedges. He played the Spanish guy. Welcome back. Odd Arald Willey, Kurt Kolak, Adam Woodhull, Philip McKay, Sean Murphy, Akeem Figures. Wasn't he a wide out from the Jaguars? Christopher Shanaman Case Neal Joel Maley Steven Pfeiffer

Glenn Futafrez Veronica Marik Yazin Alnifisi Jesus Christ, what am I reading? Al Qaeda's last bust? Steven Daniel and Shane Yarsky Thank you guys for contributing.

This is a grassroots thing, like I say. You can sign up for Patreon if you want more shows and stuff. But they're not letting us fucking advertise. I feel like a real rebel. I am not feeling that air conditioner, Rich. Is it really? But what's it say to the temp? It's 63.

I know it's set for 60, but what is it in here? It's 74. Thank you, Dick Cheese. All right. It'll be 63 at 4 o'clock tonight when we're all home. Anyways, I'm doing the best I can, folks. Look at the greasy guinea. He make fun of himself.

Yes, he did. He's a fucking... You know you want crazy motherfucking what, man? No, I'm not. I'm crazy with a fever. A legal alien convicted of raping dog to death, released by Sanctuary State.

I'll repeat that. An illegal alien convicted of raping a dog to death, released by Sanctuary State. Illegal alien Fidel Lopez, 52 years old, was convicted last month and sentenced to 60 days in prison

after raping his girlfriend's small Lhasa Apsu, which led to the dog's fucking death. So, of course, you want to release him back into the... Nick, that's not funny. Shut up. I'm getting to the point. Led to the dog's death. But listen, the judge in the case said he would have given the illegal alien more prison time.

But that 60 days is the maximum sentence allowed in Oregon. That's right, because Oregon is another place that, you know, has lost its fucking mind. It's to the left of fucking Seattle and San Francisco and Boston. Some cities in Oregon, I should say. Not all. Following his sentence, Lopez was immediately released because he has already served 60 days while waiting to stand trial. Despite his illegal alien status, Malama County, Oregon officials released Lopez back into the community. Nice going, fellas. Nice going. Because anybody that'll rape a dog to death probably wouldn't want to try it on a human next, right? You got to be,

and I was going to say dog style. I mean, I didn't mean that. That's a phrase I use on the show all the time. But I'm just saying. I just wanted to let this sink in. Please, how the fuck can you vote this way? And it's very simple for me. The right is against sanctuary cities. The left, that would be the Democrat Party that you guys are voting for, are for this shit. Oh, that's just an isolated incident okay like trump says base it on merit this guy's illegal it wouldn't have

mattered but we want to judge people from now on on merit and this guy would have said well i'm the best dog raper there is i was voted that four years in a row in Guatemala. Let me in. Look at this prick. Oh, my God. The Immigration ICE agency had requested that the illegal alien be turned over to them for deportation should he be released from prison.

The sanctuary state officials ignored the ICE request and released the illegal alien into the public. Unbelievable. Fucking people. Unbelievable. You have no idea how to defend a nation. On April 8th, Lopez was convicted of sexual assault of an animal and aggravated animal abuse and sentenced to 60 days in jail with credit for time served. Sanctuary policies not only provide a refuge for

illegal aliens, but they also shield criminal aliens who prey on people and dogs, apparently, in their own and other communities. Now ICE officials have taken Lopez into custody where they expect he will be deported from the U.S. That's right. Give ICE

more work to do instead of just cooperating. Can you make this shit up? Are we living in dark fucking times? Oh, come on. He raped the dog to death. Let him go. I need my pool cleaned. Fuck it.

I can't make this shit up. I suppose I should be drinking hot coffee with 102 temperature listen to that smoker's go took a walk around the neighborhood this weekend oh my god seeing people coming out of church with actually Sunday clothes on and shit

it was like 1958 hello Ward hello June Beave how'd you enjoy math It was like 1958. Hello, Ward. Hello, June. Beave, how'd you enjoy math? But I was really sucking it all in. People are coming out of church dressed nice. Fighter planes are going over.

The fuck? Can you get it more American than that? That might sound like the worst nightmare to you people that want sanctuary cities. Oh, that's horrible. Religion and defending the country, you sick bastard. Move to Eugene. Where we let puppy fuckers roam the fucking earth. Oh, here we go.

Speaking of migrants and, you know, this is beautiful. Video shows hundreds of illegal immigrants storming a French airport and occupying an entire terminal Sunday, demanding to meet with the country's prime minister. Footage posted on Twitter shows the roughly 500 migrants. They're illegals. In Terminal 2 of Charles de Gaulle Airport, as about a dozen police officers in tactical gear look on, France does not belong to the French. Everyone has a right to be here. One misled douchebag could be heard yelling into a loudspeaker. If you don't think, first show them coming down the escalator or whatever.

Show the cops guarding the escalator. You got that clip? One minute, one minute, one minute. Ah! Okay. I can just hear the JetBlue lady going on. A few people boarding flight 1165 to Italy. They'll make something. We have an equipment problem.

Okay, I'm not going to lie to you. There's 500 fucking migrants from some third world shit old countries blocking all the fucking escalators. You guys won't leave here for another month. Unbelievable. You don't think that's coming to LaGuardia or to Kennedy real soon? The idiot activists watch this shit and they go, hey, that's where we'll meet next.

Mark my words. You know I'm good at predicting this shit. But the protest was organized by the migrant group La Chapelle du Beu. Dave Chapelle's people are just crazy, aren't they? Which said their members call themselves Black Vests. Really?

Well, show the spokesman. That's a guy from Delta yelling at somebody for boarding early from Kenya. What a fucking clusterfuck we got going here. All's I'm saying is I want to see you try that, migrants, illegal, whatever you are. I don't know. Try that at LaGuardia. That might work in France where they're very passive. Try telling a New Yorker you're going to have his flight canceled. He's trying to get down to Miami to buy some Coke or something.

You are going to take a beating like you have... Tell a bunch of fucking guys from Brooklyn you can't make the NBA All-Star Game. Oh, it's going to get ugly. A migrant... What else? In an official statement, the group asked to meet with Prime Minister Edouard Philippe over the country's asylum policy and the leaders of Air France. They demand that their airlines stop any financial, material, logistical, or political participation in deportations. A migrant who took part in the protest warned it wouldn't be the last. Ooh. We have targeted Air France and other actions will follow, he told the paper. The protest shut down the terminal, though airport operator, reporters de Paris,

said no flights had been affected. You're a lying motherfucker. You smug cocksucker. Fuck you. Imagine you're fucking migrants. You're not even, you're making demands in another country and people just sitting there. Hey, where are the fire hoses

and the fucking German shepherds? Seriously. You're not going to use lethal force. Well, I'm saying, you know, fucking rubber bullets, whatever. It's coming to a fucking airport near you guys. Imagine a bunch of kids

from like University of Vermont trying to get down to Daytona Beach. Gets fucking ugly. Sigma Nu has eight guys surrounding a Somali. Man accused of pleasuring himself on subway gets stabbed moments later.

A strap hanger was stabbed after a woman accused him of fondling himself on the subway in Manhattan. This is New York for you, the greatest city in the world, they call it. I don't fucking get it. You're crazy! I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck. The 29-year-old was riding the southbound five line on the east side around 8.30 p.m. Saturday when a woman started arguing with a man. Stop playing with yourself, the woman said to her son Dave. No.

Stop playing with yourself, the woman said, according to law enforcement sources. The man told the woman he wasn't. Good argument. Good comeback. And the fight eventually turned physical. That's what I'm saying. You think you're going to block airports and people, fucking guys who whip their dick out get stabbed now, buddy?

We're evolving. The brawl spilled onto the platform at East 59th Street and Lexington Avenue where the woman stabbed him in the shoulder. Really? He's got his dick out and you stab him in the shoulder? The woman who was believed to be in her 30s fled. She looked just like Elizabeth Warren. Fled with another man and a baby stroller. Oh, that kid's got a bright future, huh?

Mommy's stabbing a guy with a dick in his hand. But raise your kids in New York City. Good move. Anyways. I saw one guy yanking it. anyways I uh I know I saw one guy yanking it it was I fucking I was on the way to the comedy cellar and uh

it was a poster for a movie for Jennifer Lopez she's like laying on a bed all sexy and this homeless guy is giving a tug right and I'm thinking this guy is a fucking pervert or a pedophile or maybe he's a movie critic and that's his way's giving a tug right. And I'm thinking, this guy's a fucking pervert or a pedophile, or maybe he's a movie critic and that's his way of giving a thumbs up. Maybe he saw the film and really enjoyed it. But I actually had, it happened so much in New York,

and the first thing women do is whip out their phones, and I'm like, that's not what you do. How many times have I told you? If you see a guy taking a beat, put down the camera and help him. But I had a bit from, I think it was Another Sense Was Killing, about masturbating on the subway. Here it is. Masturbating on the subway, that's a level of horny I haven't got to yet.

I see girls I want to fuck on the subway all the time. I don't whip it out right there. I have the decency to wait until I get above ground and duck behind a mailbox on the sidewalk on the way home. Don't you have to be comfortable when you masturbate? What am I going to get on the train and go,

Miss, can I use your book bag as a pillow? Oh, thank you. Sir, can you hold my feet up with your left hand and my iPad with your right and hand out this plastic? It's going to be like

a Gallagher concert here in about five minutes. Jerking off on public transportation. What a country. You know you got a shitty sex life and the first words you hear after you come is, stand clear of the closing doors. Pretty sure I'll be hearing that from St. Peter.

Oh my goodness, Heloise. That was a fucking beauty. That went to the top of the charge with a bullet. That's from another census killing. By the way, I have about five or six specials. No, I got like six. I don't know. I have 19 albums or whatever.

I'm exaggerating. But we're going to release all the ones that I made, you know, that are on video. I don't care who has the rights to them or not. This is fucking... If you think Google and Facebook are going to fuck with me, I'm going to let somebody who, you know, has a part of the ownership of my special get, no. The gloves are off, ladies and gentlemen. You're going to have to find me. Super chat.

Bob Gray said, uh, Bobby Gray, how are you, Bob? Good to hear from you. Said black woman, DA in Suffolk County, Boston or Boston, however you say it, um, refuses to prosecute shoplifters. So people are going in stores, taking whatever they want. Yeah, there you go. Rachel Rollins. I bet.

I remember. Is that her name? Sounds about right. Well, don't fucking look it up. Don't fucking guess. I'm guessing this. This is why you shouldn't take the show that seriously yeah sounds about right boss can you look it up no i'm eating a donut right now and fucking texting my girlfriend

christ's sake cnn runs a more professional ship um i bet you it was though i she ran for da whatever right it's rachel rollins you hear that confirmed did you read it i i want to hear that super chat again please black woman d.a rachel rachel rollins uh in suffolk county boston refuses to prosecute shoplifters so people are going into stores just taking whatever they want yeah she's black by the way and uh oh i'm gonna make an edgy statement here but again for maybe socioeconomic reasons a lot of black people shoplift white people too and the Asians there's some Eskimos that lifted a pair of moccasins one day 40 years ago

but that's her this is the nightmare coming true this is what the white supremacists predicted fucking 40 years ago not that I'm siding with those idiots either. I'm just saying. Anybody? So you can shoplift. Seriously? Very seriously. Do we have any footage of people shoplifting? I'm going there. I mean, you know, fucking Father's Day is coming up. I see me running into filings, leaving there with 12 neckties and a shitty robe.

Nice going, Rachel Rollins. You are a anti-white politician and hateful. Anyways, Calvin Klein, once again, is in the news. He does this every year. People fall for this type of shit. Calvin Klein forced to apologize for commercial featuring model. That's that, you know, what's her name? Bella Hadid.

I know you young fellas know who she is. She's kissing a robot. But the reason why may surprise you that Calvin Klein is in hot water. Designer label Calvin Klein has been forced to apologize over a commercial release this week showing model

Bella Hadid locking lips with a realistic-looking female robot, but not for the reason you might think. The 30-second ad release Friday actually stars the robot,

19-year-old digital robot Lil' Mikayla. To be specific, the ad shows both Hadid and Michaela dressed in Calvin Klein, staring at each other and then moving in to a passionate kiss. Hadid's voice can be heard over the spot saying, life is about opening

doors and my ass cheeks. Creating, what? Creating new dreams that you never knew could exist. Presumably referring to the new door of making out with the mechanical humanoids. I disagree. Go ahead, show the thing. A little thin for my taste.

Life is about opening doors. How about opening your legs? Creating new dreams you never knew could exist. Holy shit, that's a robot? That's great. They're saying the controversy is that she's kissing a robot, and the gay, the LGBT, of course they're upset, because why are they using a robot and not a gay woman? Oh my God, you fucking people. And I love you gay people.

I do. I'm in show business. Like I said, I got more gay friends than fucking Kelly Ripa and Kathy Griffin combined. But you got to stop with your fucking whining. If there's a gay person in a movie, that character should be played by a gay. You got to stop with that shit. You you gotta stop with your fucking whining. If there's a gay person in a movie, that character should be played by a gay... You gotta stop with that shit. You gotta stop... It's not a robot. Maybe

that's why you guys think it's controversial. It's pushing the gay agenda once again. Somebody answer me this question. Please. Please answer me. The total population of gay people on the planet is about 8%. That might even be high. Somebody explain to me the agenda.

You can't say there isn't one. It's fucking, just explain. Who are the 10 most powerful people that run the planet? Whether it's Illuminati, are they all gay? I just want to know. Somebody explain to me. I put on the Food Network, I can't find straight people for three hours. I just want somebody to explain to me so I can sleep at night.

I don't fucking understand it. Now, as far as that doll goes, if I could afford one, I'd fucking call today. Wait a minute, I don't need the freckles. The f... Holy fucking moly. I'd fix her teeth, too. She's got nice lips, but she gets David Letterman's choppers. Looks like somebody fought it through a screen, but...

If they're going to make shit this realistic... And you know why guys go after the robots? There's a mute button in the back of our neck. I know, ladies. Calvin Klein says in an accompanying statement, it's titled, Bella Hadid and Lil' Mikkel Get Surreal, adding that the video is about trying to discern between what's real and what's imagined. 19-year-old robot Lil' Mikkel blurs the lines of truth and fiction yeah that's what it's about

with Bella Hadid is this a dream or real depends I mean you know depends who you are Michaela has designs of being the first robot fashion model has an album

gotta compete with fucking robots now. When Calvin Klein Duns was on a really funny robot, I'm going to be fucking screaming. Has an album and is an aggressive advocate for LGBT rights, at least according to her Twitter feed. But while the concept of making out with a humanoid robot might not sit well with some, it really ran afoul of social justice warriors who I hope all get cancer someday who accused Calvin Klein of first farming out a job that a

living, breathing LGBT human could do to a robot. And then for queerbaiting. I haven't heard that term since 5th grade. Did you used to say it as a kid, you fucking queer bait? I never knew what that meant. Maybe that was a New England thing.

Never got it. Deliberately and cynically using the cause of LGBT rights to attract viewers and sell products without fully dedicating itself to the LGBT cause. Oh my God, do you ever stop your fucking writing? Like Calvin Klein hasn't done enough for the LGBT community, right? You've got to be kidding me. Should have used a real lesbian. You'd have to pay a real, you know, who's a famous gay woman? You'd have to pay...

Rachel Maddow? I said a model, not a fucking model truck. Rachel Maddow? I said a model, not a fucking model truck. But, you know, I don't know what that doll costs, but you'd have to pay a supermodel who's gay a lot more than that is my point. Anyways, others were just confused, questioning what exactly Hadid was doing in the video, especially given that she's a heterosexual who is in a public relationship with a male. Because I, are you even asking that question, social justice warriors? Because heterosexual women experiment, it's very common today. Not common enough to get my wife to try it,

but listen, I, Calvin Klein, sensing trouble, apologized in his tweet issued Saturday, explaining that his hashtag MyCalvinsCampaign, which can trace its roots all the way back to 1999, is about challenging stereotypes and practicing tolerance. We understand and acknowledge how featuring someone who identifies as heterosexual and a same-sex kiss could be perceived as queerbaiting, they added. As a company with a long-standing tradition of advocating for LGTBQ rights, and they do, it was certainly not our intention to misrepresent. That's what I'm saying, gay groups.

Not even gay individuals. Groups. That goes for anybody. Fucking straight group. When they get in groups, they get this group mentality. The guy's done a ton for gay advocates, so leave him alone. I can't even wear a shit that's so gay. It's not true.

I got a ton of Calvin Klein shit. I wear it to bed. Who does? Rich does? You get a lot of Calvin Klein stuff, Rich? No, I'm way snobbier than that. What do you got? Like Armani and stuff.

Armani, yeah. I'm into Bill Blass. That was 1988. Yeah, Bill de Blasio has a nice line of empty suits. We'll end it on that note, folks. Oh, my God. Look at this.

Look. I'm dying. I'm dying. Anyways, I can't read that. There you go. What's it say? It actually went up a degree in here We might have an AC problem

Yeah, you don't know how to use it Jesus Christ, it's like working with fucking special needs kids today It actually went up a degree Alright, that is it for today Remember Mondays This thing, Jason, help me out here. It's live from 11 to 12.

Yep. And then it goes dead unless you're a Patreon member. Yep. And you have access to it all day. Otherwise, we release it at 7 tonight to the public. Okay? And again, remember, Google and Facebook are not letting us advertise for my special. So please share it on Facebook with everybody you can and Twitter and Snapchat and Titty Twisters and all the other shit that you kids are on.

And it's a great special, and it's a real free speech thing. We have to strike back, folks. We have to do it through the Internet. The left already has their claws in that. Anyways, remember, you guys think it, I will say it. We'll see you guys tomorrow on Patreon. Take care, everybody. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 I'm Bye.