The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dirtbag De Blasio Dumbfounded | Nick Di Paolo Show #338

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

Trump tough on Iran. Fredo Cuomo blatantly lying about leaving lockdown. Russia, China, and Iran circulating mis-information about US. Thank you Martin from St Louis, MO for your "Ask Nick!" question and for your continued support on Patreon! FREE! MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

Hey guys, it's Nick DiPaolo. You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of being told what is acceptable in comedy, what is not acceptable. I've never followed the rules because there are no rules in comedy. It's an art form, okay? I don't wanna be told what I can say, what I can't say.

I've been saying this politically incorrect shit my whole career, starting as an open mic in 1988. I'm not a Johnny-come-lately. There's guys out there who are taking credit for pushing back now against the PC culture. I was the original deplorable. You can look it up, okay? That's why we created the Nick DiPaolo Show.

We have a place where I can speak unfiltered. The truth. There's two types of people, politically correct and people who are honest. And you guys are like me. We speak, we call it like we see it, okay? And that's why the show was created. We recently went free Monday through Thursday at nickdip.com, which means we need your support.

This show can only survive with contributions from you guys. And you can also sign up at patreon.com. That's a monthly subscription. Either way, we need your support more now than ever. So it's very important to us. I will continue

to call it like I see it. Speak unapologetically, unfiltered, because the world needs it right now. You want Bernie fucking Sanders or Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden calling the shots? No.

In a perfect world, I'd be running the goddamn country. But we got somebody close enough, Trump. So again, thank you so much for your contributions. Go to nickdip.com. If you're watching on YouTube, just click that button right now

and we will continue to bring you the truth unfiltered and fuck anybody who doesn't like it. Talk to you soon. All right. Yeah. Welcome, folks. All right. Yeah. Welcome, folks. Welcome to the Nick DiPaolo Show. It is, what is it? Today is Wednesday.

I am, real quick before I even get, I'm not going to take next week off. There's too many people at home that need something like this. You know what I mean? I'm one of them. I'll get stir crazy. Wait till the middle of May when everybody hopefully goes back to work. That's what it is in New York and other big cities and whatnot. So again, repeating, I will be doing the show next week.

Probably the week after. Till the middle of May. Take a little break. How you guys doing? You corona free? You social distancing? Or you partying in a barbershop? What you doing you corona free your social distancing or you're partying in a barber shop what you doing playing part cheesy ready to stab your fucking loved ones sure you is people losing their mind hey do we have a singer boy uh queued up

if i call for him raz you know a fucking whiteB singer. Skinny white kid with a bad mustache singing R&B. Who's got a million fucking followers literally on Facebook. I put on a suit and tie. I don't get shit up in here. Oh, it's really driving me nuts. You're being very negative, Mr. DiPaolo.

Yeah, well, get used to it, okay? Welcome to... Now you scare me. Hey, President Trump Wednesday said we'll get used to it okay welcome to nice care leave hey president trump wednesday uh said he and that's today oh shit yeah we didn't put up a picture of my dad this is him he wouldn't like that picture he'd be going what's with the faggy pose the fuck is this a high school and what's all over the lens and shit what the hell happened there that's what my uh farrah fossett poster used to look like in my bedroom when i was in high school looked like i decorated like tom carvel that's uh nick senior and his better days years ago when he

uh you know was doing better but uh you know don't let the smile fool you he was a marine and it knocked my teeth out if i didn't finish my peas anyways love your dad uh trump today instructed the u.s navy to shoot down and destroy any iranian gunboats harassing american ships in the wake of a tense encounter in the Persian Gulf. You've got to love this guy. Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war? We'll take you to war, okay? Tony, coño. I have instructed the United States Navy to shoot down these dirty ragheads

and destroy any and all Iranian gunboats if they harass our ships at sea. The encounter happened last week six u.s navy war ships were conducting drills with the u.s army apache attack helicopters which i flew in when i was with the uso uh in international waters off iran last wednesday when they were repeatedly harassed by 11 iranian islamic revolutionary guard navy Oh, was it three Cub Scouts and a boat? That's from Get Smart. The Iranian ships repeatedly, these fucking dirty, you know, the Iranian people are good people,

but the government's, ugh, mullers. The Iranian ships repeatedly crossed in front and behind the U.s vessels at extremely close range and high speeds including multiple crossings of one ship the puller that's not a good name for a ship with a bunch of guys on it i'm on the puller really uh with a 50 yard closest point of approach and within 10 yards of another ship, the Maui's bow, a Fifth Fleet statement said. You believe these fuckers? They're playing chicken with us. The U.S. crews responded by issuing multiple warnings via radio, including five short blasts from the ship's horns and long-range acoustic noisemaker devices, but received no response from the from the Iranians.

After approximately an hour, the Iranian vessels responded to the radio queries. You're probably using a fucking tin can with a string on it, cocksuckers. Before maneuvering away from the U.S. ships and increasing the distance between, oh, but now there's social distancing on the water. Fucking, I don't

like these people. Aloha, man! Aloha, man! Aloha, man! Hmm. on the water. Fucking, I don't like these people. Al-Azmar! Al-Azmar! Al-Azmar! Hmm. The Navy said the Iranians were in violation of international maritime rules of the road. The Navy also said

they were not in accordance with the international law to act safely with other vessels in the... Really? Really? The fucking Navy of the largest sponsor

of world terrorism isn't following the road rules. The incident last week came one day after Iranian government stormed a Hong Kong flag tanker in the Strait of Hormuz before quickly leaving when they learned the vessel was from China. Durka, Durka, Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa. See, they noticed the ship was from China last week, and they said, oh. And you know why that is? Because they're in cahoots with China.

Russia, China, Iran are in cahoots. There's a story I'll do in a few minutes that we have intelligence proving they're sending out disinformation about the coronavirus and shit. They're just stirring it up again. about the coronavirus and shit. They're just stirring it up again. The president's directive also comes several months after hostilities between the U.S. and Iran, which included an attack at the U.S. embassy compound in Iraq that U.S. officials blamed on Iran.

In response, the United States carried out a strike that killed Iranian General Qasem Soleimani. You remember that. Also early this month, the president sent a stark warning to Iran after claiming that Iran was planning a sneak attack on U.S. troops in Iraq, which is impossible because the Iranians, you know, the military, they have a horrible body odor. You can't sneak up on nobody. It's a true story. I heard that on PBS.

Upon information and belief, Iran or its proxies are planning a sneak attack on U.S. troops and assets in Iraq. If this happens, Iran will pay a very, very heavy price, Trump tweeted. A heavy price. I love it. Don't just shoot him out of the air, but destroy him. We call him President Redundant. This guy repeats himself. Oh, God. So anyways, that was a little break from let's get

to covid news or china uh as i like to call it the china syndrome uh see this is see this is what we don't want to hear folks this one's i don't know when i'm ever going to do comedy again live cdc chief warns a second covid 19 wave may be worse arriving with a flu season. You got to be, got to be dark. Can you imagine? Yeah. It could strike the United States much harder than the first because it'll likely arrive at the start of influenza season. The director of the CDC and prevention warned on Tuesday. But then again, he looks happy. Apparently he's got it. Look at this poor bastard.

Makes Bernie Sanders look like a fucking Chuck E. Cheese clown. And what's with the chin strap beard? That's the stupidest beard I have ever. What is that? He says there's a possibility that the assault of the virus on our nation next winter will actually be even more difficult. Who is this, Greta Thunberg, ray of sunshine? Shut your pie hole. It'll be more difficult than the one we just went through. That's Dr. Robert Redfield. We're going to have the flu epidemic and the coronavirus epidemic at the same time

he said well maybe not what if the corona thing dries up in the middle of the summer I mean of course it could come back he said the combination would put even greater strain on the nation's healthcare system than the first outbreak let's hope this guy's full of shit

because the CDC's been off on a lot of their numbers even as the lockdown has gradually eased Redfield stressed the importance of individuals continuing to practice social distancing among one another. At the same time, he said public health authorities must vastly ramp up a testing system to identify those filthy, dirty people who are infected and to locate their close personal interactions through contact tracing. and to locate their close personal interactions through contact tracing. Asked about the recent flurry of street protests of stay-at-home orders and calls for states to be liberated from such restrictions as Trump called for, Redfield told the Post, it's not helpful. What a bitch. He's a fag.

Oh, I'm not saying that, but his beard says it. He sounds like an anti-Trumper. Fucking flu opioids. I don't know. What happened? I miss the good old days when you get chlamydia, AIDS, all the shit. SARS. Have you tried the SARS bars?

Oh, my God. Filled with nougat and fucking Iranian germs. Oh. Poked myself in the eye. Building a nationwide contact tracing network, key to preventing newly diagnosed cases from growing into larger outbreaks, poses a major challenge

because it's so labor intensive, requiring a workforce that by some estimates would require as much as 300,000 personnel. Well, maybe we should take off that immigrant ban that Trump just put on yesterday. Let these people come in.

Use them as guinea pigs. Put them on the front lines. What do you think? Who's with me? Nobody? Alrighty. Chris Cuomo! Chris Cuomo! You know who he is. Chris Cuomo. And the things I'm smart, I'm like everybody says.

Like, don't, I'm smart and I want the sticks. Otherwise, otherwise known as Fredo. On Monday, CNN posted a video of pseudo-newsman Chris Cuomo finally emerging from his self-quarantine in his Southampton basement. Despite Cuomo have been having been out and about East Hampton just last week, getting into a fight with what he called the jackass, lose a fat tire biker who dared to ask why infected Cuomo was breaking quarantine without a face mask. But this is so CNN is fucking it's just unbelievable they put this video of him up this is all staged like they said he was in the east hamptons last week so they're pretending like he's been in his basement all this time uh cuomo well check this

out this is fucking all right here is the official re-entry from the basement, cleared by CDC. A little sweaty. Just worked out. Happens. This is what I've been dreaming of literally for weeks. My wife... Yeah, you dream about your wife for weeks. Nobody does that.

She was cleared by the CDC. She doesn't have fever. She doesn't have the symptoms anymore. No, but she's got a sore ass. We're still a little scared, so I'll just give you one of these. Just give you one of these. Oh, look at that love. Just give you one of these. Bella

has, of course, taken the video. Hi, Bella. This is the dream. Just to be back up here, doing normal things. Thank you for being so nice to me. Thank you for taking care of everything you have. The guy's already been out of the house a week things. Thank you for being so nice to me. Thank you for taking care of everything you have to. The guy's already been out of the house a week ago. Thank you for taking care of me. And Bella, thank you for stepping up and now adding family videographer to your resume.

Yes, sir. She's rolling her eyes. Wow. It's not for me. Thank you. This is for when we go outside. Will you shut up? Will you?

Will you please shut up? Will you shut up? Shut up! Shut up! He looks like an Italian Jerry Seinfeld. Doesn't he? Look at his daughter going, what a fucking asshole my father is. No wonder why everybody hates him.

Hey, Rads, is my mic down? I think you have my mic down. Because I have to turn my button all the way up to hear myself. No? Could you? Testing, one, two, three. Testing, one, two, three. Right there.

Fuck it. I don't know why that is. Anyways, that's Cuomo. And they put this on goddamn CNN. Can you imagine? I like the guy, the woman Maureen Callahan wrote this. If anything screams coastal liberal elite Gupta, he's a CNN doctor. He's the only Indian doctor I wouldn't go to. Fucking, I like my Indian doctors, you know that. CNN's in-house medical expert has had enough of Chris Cuomo's coronavirus chronicles. Doing yeoman's work as Chris's split-screen counterpart, lo, these many weeks,

Gupta's face contorted as chris announced his next on-air narrative he may be cured but the family now has lots of trauma to process at the end of the homemade video cuomo's wife hands him a face mask this is for when we yeah we saw that oh All about him. It's all about him. I want to like the guy, but I'm sorry. Reminds me of me. He's a real fucking blowhard. I'm coming from upstairs. I was just dreaming about my wife. Yeah. Strangler in a pool. Unbelievable. Yeah, what happened to this? Now I get it too, I don't know. It's hot as a motherfucker in here already. No, don't turn it up anymore. Actually, go back down now. It's echoing a little. Sorry, folks. This happens. Right there. That's good.

Fuck it. What are we doing here? Boy, I'm blending in with a shirt. This was not a good choice. I put on a nice tie every day for you people. You can't see it. But I do the show like this. Anyways, reporting from the USS Comfort. Let's go from one New York asshole to another. Who would that be? Comrade Billy de Blasio, the fucking mayor who everybody hates, even libs. De Blasio, social distancing tip line flooded with penis

photos and Hitler memes. Please give me a call. Please give me a call. Please give me a call. Please give me a call. Please give me a call. He put up a hotline for New Yorkers to snitch out other New Yorkers who weren't practicing social.

That's what libs are made of in left people. They like big government. They like to be controlled. They have no independent spirit. They believe in snitching and ratting each other out until it comes to politics and the party line. But fucking New Yorkers. This is why I

love it. And I miss New York. Can I just say something? When I left, I said it's a liberal shithole. I met the politicians and the politics. New York is still the greatest city on the goddamn planet. And I fucking miss it. I see these. They put up these pictures now of the place of New York being empty and I my heart longs to be just wandering I used to go to my radio show I'd

fucking stop in do a couple shots at some Irish bar on the way to the studio I miss that type of fucking tomfoolery you know I mean pushing old ladies up the sidewalk anyways de Blasio critics let him know how they really felt about him ordering New Yorkers to snitch on each other. That's why New Yorkers, I love New Yorkers, for social distancing rules by flooding his new tip line with crank complaints, including dick pics and people flipping him the bird. God bless New Yorkers. Photos of extended middle fingers, the mayor dropping the staten island groundhog remember he did that and news coverage of him going to the gym have all been texted to a special tip line that de blasio announced on saturday

here's one of them fuck you replied at morgan schmidt one at Morgan Schmidt one. We don't even know if these are New Yorkers. They could be from anywhere. Fuck you. Along with a meme showing Adolf Hitler. Along with a meme showing Adolf Hitler. In the words, to those turning in your neighbors and local businesses,

you did the right thing. Get it? Right thing. I bought you. Do I get it? I'm right. Do I get it? I get it right that guy could fill a room that was a draw no papering that room when hitler showed up he's bumping mussolini to do it a few minutes other profane messages included a photo of a bowl of gummy candies in the shape of a male genitalia Messages included a photo of a bowl of gummy candies in the shape of a male genitalia and a sign saying, eat a bag of dicks.

And that can't eat a bag of dicks. That expression was around when I first started comedy in Boston. Some Boston comic said it. We all jumped on it. But I remember even some guys don't even do comedy anymore saying it. But then Louie said it in a special and it took off. anymore saying it, but then Louie said it in a special and it took off. An NYPD source said that the dick pic photos of real penises

have also been texted to the 311 number. And a caller phoned in a tip that de Blasio was seen performing oral sex on someone in an alleyway behind a 7-Eleven. He looked at me and koofed in my direction the caller said koof is a newly coined term for coughing while infected with a coronavirus it's in the urban dictionary does urban dictionary website does that mean black

they you know they no it's just an urban dictionary oh yeah urban's been around a long time but everything else when you hear urban they usually mean inner city I played in the urban basketball league I had two points in 42 games fucking wipe me on this six inch vertical slap that shit out of here so anyways de Blasio what and i that made me laugh so hard people sending dick pics and shit who has the time let's stay on comrade de blasio uh because

let's prove how stupid he really is uh it's unconscionable this is him talking that rikers island inmates who were released due to coronavirus concerns are committing new crimes. Mayor, I have no clue. Bill de Blasio said on Monday, how stupid is this motherfucker? Hmm. Where am I? He says, I think it's unconscionable just on a human level that folks were shown mercy. uh he says i think it's unconscionable just on a human level that folks were shown mercy and this is what some of them have done are they really are they really is that you're that naive about real people god help you it's unconscionable uh the mayor said during his monday conference de blasio said the number of re-offenders maintains relatively small, that the city was buckling down on monitoring, supervising, release prisoners. We do see some recidivism.

I have not seen a huge amount, but any amount is obviously troubling. Yeah, you're the problem. You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White, onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. How about the guy, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. How about the guy that was released? I didn't do the story yesterday. He was in prison

for 44 years. He gets out, right? A couple days ago. Dies of fucking COVID a day later. Huh? That guy has never seen a four-leaf clover or a leprechaun or...

Hey, I'm free. What the fuck is this? Guy survived in prison. Sort of blows this theory out. I don't give a shit if you're in jail and you might get the COVID. Tough. Supposed to be punishment. Letting people out.

One guy murdered somebody. But, you know, taking away people's guns right closing gun shops but letting scumbags out huh anybody feel a power pole to the left in this country filthy rotten uh more than 1400 city inmates have been granted early release uh due to concerns about the spread of coronavirus inside jailhouses. The Post reported Sunday at least 50 of the newly released Rikers Island prisoners were rearrested for new crimes in recent weeks. And in some cases were cut loose again. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant.

How about recidivism doesn't even work? How about recidivism doesn't even work? The Legal Aid Society, Bronx Defenders, and other legal defense groups have been petitioning courts since the outbreak of the deadly global pandemic, arguing that inmates, particularly those who are older or have medical conditions, are more vulnerable to the deadly bug within the confines of this. So what? Who cares? You need to shut the fuck up. How about the they never talk about the victim you know of these people you never hear that always focusing on oh no we can't let these guys get sick in jail i think we get bigger first of friday do we not

like my nieces on the front line and my sister and paramedics and cops. I don't care if a guy who's in there for fucking simple battery gets the shits for a few wigs. Nick, some people are dying. I don't care. I have compassion fatigue. I feel for nobody anymore. I want to name my next special. By the way, I don't know when that's ever going to happen, folks.

I have, look, I did a show in Zany's a month and a half ago in Chicago. Did a couple shows. I have footage from the club. They recorded me without asking me, but I got the footage. And I think I'm going to release it anyways. But this stuff is pretty topical, so it gets old in a hurry. But it's still funny. So I think I'm going to chop that up. That was going to be the beginning of my new special, whenever that.

But this corona thing has thrown a hole. I mean, these Chinese are out to fuck up my career. President Xi Jinping playing nothing now. Nick, that's racist. Okay. nick that's uh race okay anyways the releases have helped drop the inmate population at rikers to under 4 000 for the first time since world war ii holy shit city officials said last week more than 300 inmates and 500 correction department employees have tested positive for covid 19 quit calling it covid. It's the China virus. Didn't come from COVID.

It's no such country. At least two inmates were killed by the virus. Oh, no. See if I can sense a bouquet to the Rikers. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, thedonaldstuff.com is one of our major sponsors

of the show. You know that. And they just lowered their prices on most of their shirts in the Nick DiPaolo collection to collection to under 20 look at that beautiful 1999 jesus does that put the cheese and cheese uh here's a few of the uh there's uh flattening the dirty curve pelosi wish he had an ass like that uh there's me again going, ah, where's my helmet?

Actually pretty good though. Nice. There's driving out the snakes. Anyways, Twitter King. So yeah, not only are these shirts under 20 bucks today, if you use the promo code Nick, you get another 10% off. Anyway, lots of great stuff on

thedonaldstuff.com. Go there, check out all their gear. Don't forget to use the promo code Nick. And we thank thedonaldstuff.com for sponsoring this show. They've been great to us. And we've been great to them. Don't tell anybody about T-shirts or something. Mitch McConnell.

Mitch McConnell. Again, paralyzed from the chin down. only thing that moves when he talks is his lower lip. You cocksucking Democrat motherless fucks. Mr. McConnell, Democrats shut down small business aid for two weeks of leverage. Somebody blow into my thing so my wheelchair will move but uh don't forget this you people out there don't forget that you'll forget it because after

nine uh 9-11 and we get attacked right we were what the country was united for what four days and then the dem started with their fucking horseshit democrats shut down small business aid for two weeks for leverage. That's what they did. They passed the bill yesterday. You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you. Get the fuck out of here. McConnell said in a statement on Tuesday,

I'm just sorry that it took my colleagues and our Democrat leadership 12 days to accept the inevitable and that they shut down emergency support for Main Street in a search for partisan leverage that never materialized. The American people are counting on Congress to put aside reflexive partisanship and work across the aisle to help our nation through the pandemic. of partisanship and work across the aisle to help our nation through the pandemic. It's like an old jagger. Ooh, storm is threatening my very life today. If I don't get me some shelter, ooh yeah, I'm fade away whatever i can't remember uh congressional leaders donald trump administration agreed to a new deal that would provide 484 billion in aid to small businesses hospitals and additional coronavirus testing and the fucking people these small businesses could have had it a couple weeks ago if nancy the twat pelosi and chuck i love

fucking semen shoot these two fucking evil pigs do you understand what does that tell you fucks they're all about power they don't give a shit about main street they don't give a shit about what drives this country just power hungry-hungry scumbags. Why don't you remember that when you go to the voting booth on November whatever the fuck? Look at the guy on the right. He wants to fucking headbutt Pelosi. She should be home rubbing Haagen-Dazs on her leathery nipples. Pistachio. I'd go with that.

They passed the bill, though. Anyway, Democrats have spent nearly two weeks blocking senate republicans initial office to do a simple 250 billion dollar renewal of the ppp paycheck protection program democrats wanted a broader spending package that sent aid to hospitals and local governments and a lot of other fucking shit. Got it. You got to grow up. You're not a kid anymore. You got to grow up. Democratic leaders blocked the money and spent days trying to negotiate extraneous issues that were never on the table.

I am grateful our colleagues have walked away from those demands and will finally let Congress act, McConnell said. How disgusting. Playing with people's lives. Playing politics while people are dying. I mean, how much more evidence do you people need to know? And again, I understand we're a two-party whatever system. But right now, one of them is really being transparent about what they're all about.

Can you make note of that? Maybe shut off fucking CNN and Chris Cuomo and MSNBC. Put on Fox News for five minutes. Watch Tucker Carlson's monologue every night. Want to hear fair and fucking and I know people be fucking laughing. Watch it. He has our people from the other side. Lays it out beautifully.

Fucking Pelosi with her fucking sub-zero freezer filled with Haagen-Dazs while people are fucking chasing water bugs on the street with sticks for lunch. You tone-deaf tit wonder. Could the country crack the Corona crisis by studying our shit? That's the headline. Literally, I think I'd rather die. Who are you going to put in charge of that? Fucking on your knees, panhandling. If you had fucking seven weeks of kale. Let me explain to you what Israel's doing.

They're always ahead of the game. Let's be honest. They're very smart. Except they live in Israel. That's the only mistake they make. Israel has started analyzing wastewater. Who hasn't? For the novel coronavirus,

SARS-CoV-2, to estimate the number of infections at a population level. According to Dr. Ete Bar-Or. That's his name. Ete, like Italy, without the L. Bar-Or. Poor prick.

So they're studying poop to see if there's COVID, traces of COVID in the poop. This is actually a good idea. You're going to eat lightning and you're going to drop thunder. Sewage surveillance can account for those who are infected but have not been tested and are asymptomatic or have only mild symptoms, explained Barr. Or he said that monitoring infection at this scale could provide better estimates for how widespread the virus is. If you don't have a lot of clinical tests, you can use environmental monitoring, he said. You cannot get an exact number of those sick, but you can get an approximation of the magnitude of the infection.

Well, I could do that if somebody farts. How many times do your buddy farts? You go, what are you, sick? Baor said that when he first learned of this new coronavirus, he raised the notion that the country could access a new layer of data with this sort of mass testing. He explained that if you identify the virus in wastewater that serves 100,000 people and you know how to compute how the amount of virus shed in the feces can be modeled, you can then extrapolate the number of infected people in a population from these samples. It's just math. Take a look on a toilet. You see three kernels of corn. You know there's 12 people in the house.

Multiply it times 12. That's 36. I'm just giving an example. That's pretty gross, Nick. I know. I just can't help it. You're going to eat lightning, and you're going to crap thunder.

Wastewater monitoring has been used in the country for decades to assess the success of its vaccination campaign against poliovirus. The unit was started in 1989. In 2013, the team discovered an outbreak of wild polio. I don't like the wild. You like the free range polio? I always get the domestic. It's a little more tender. Of wild polio in the sewage, which Barr or explained is not reproduced in sewage, only in humans. So we knew the virus was manifesting in the human population. You get it?

It's kind of a process of elimination. The health ministry then inoculated or gave polio vaccine boosters to the whole population of Israel. And only a few children became infected. A guy named Saul Blibowitz and Shalom Bakar-Cheney. They got it. They first started testing stools on a small scale in the clinic. When initial tests showed the virus in the waste they started collecting sewage it's pretty smart actually bon appetit bar or said the country's sewage consists not only of toilet water but also shower laundry

machines and other wastewater SARS-CoV-2 is shed by humans into this water. He said the virus appears to be inactivated in wastewater, meaning it appears that it cannot be transmitted through sewage. Was that really a big fucking fear? Yeah, you know, I don't want to jump into that fucking... I don't want to jump into that goddamn... What do you call the things in your property when you shit that goes into a box on the ground? Septic tank. Thank you, Rats.

We had one up in Westchester. Boy, did that thing get ripe when it rained. One kid was trick-or-treating. You get halfway down the street, he's like, what do I got, shit on my upper lip? Let's get out of here. halfway down the street. He's like, what do I got,

shit on my upper lip? Let's get out of here. If you go to a city with only a small number of known sick people and you see a very strong signal in the sewage, you can say that something is wrong

and more tests should be done. So you get it? In other words, it's in the people, it's not in the, okay? You are correct, sir. In addition,

the method would allow the country to make more informed decisions about which neighborhoods and cities to lock down and when to lift the closures. If you quarantine a region and then test the sewage in intervals, if you get a decrease of the virus in the sewage, you can say there's a decrease in sickness and you can use it as a parameter to take the closure. Who's going to do this filthy work? God, I'm glad

I'm a podcast fucking comedian. Israel's not the only country examining this possibility more than a dozen research teams worldwide are doing the same thing there have been a handful of scientific extracts published by the u.s netherlands sweden uh and australia so uh that's what you got to look at pretty interesting a lot of a lot of answers to life lie in your poop. I remember they came to empty a septic tank, you know, and it was open and I was just staring in there. Said a lot of good memories in there. Birthday cake, crust, tampons. I wanted to do a one-man show based on my septic tank.

There's those undigested chili peppers that ruin my New Year's Eve. Stay on the medical angle of this. This is interesting. Doctors seek execution drugs to treat coronavirus patients. Doctors believe drugs used for the death penalty executions could save the lives of coronavirus patients.

Now, that's friggin' interesting. Dead man walking. A group of seven pharmacists, public health experts, and intensive care unit doctors penned a letter to corrections departments this month asking states with the death penalty to send any stockpiles they might have of execution drugs to a health care facility. Wouldn't that make you nervous? I guess the patients wouldn't know. If your nurse carries that into your room. Wait a minute, they put my uncle to sleep with that in Oklahoma for a rape 40 years ago.

The drugs used for execution are the same used to sedate and immobilize people put on ventilators and to treat their pain. Sedatives, painkillers and occasionally paralytics. Your stockpile could save the lives of hundreds of people, though this may be a small fraction of the total anticipated deaths. It is a central ethical directive that medicine values every life. I'm sure you do. That's why people in China, old people still alive, they're stuffing them into body bags. The drugs needed include the sedative mitazolam, the paralytic vecuronium bromide, and the opioid fentanyl. Have you had the paralytic

vecurion arm? Demand for the drug skyrocketed 74% last month as states have had to place more and more people on ventilators. But secrecy surrounding the death penalty in 25 states where it is legal means it's not exactly clear what drugs each state has sitting at the ready. The states typically

only release information about execution drug supplies through open records requests and lawsuits. I wonder why it's so hush-hush. Wyoming, the only state to reply to the letter, said that it didn't have the drugs.

I wonder why they're so hush-hush, the states that have them. What's so controversial about it? I know there's ACLU and groups like that who, oh, no, a rapist, he was in pain for almost two minutes before he fucking, you know, who cares? Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again. Dr. Joel Zivett said, I'm not trying to comment on the rightness or wrongness of capital punishment. I'm asking as a bedside clinician, care and compassion, please help me and send this stuff. Arkansas, Texas and Utah told the AP they did not possess the medications and quit. Bullshit. Texas, Texas is fucking. Do they still fry people down there?

I don't know. And there was a there was a I forget who the governor was. Remember, I think it was during George W. Bush. Fucking lights were going out all over Texas every night. They were frying somebody. I know we're not talking about electric chair. We're talking about drugs. But I'm sure Texas, Arkansas, and Utah. If you look in the cupboard, it's right behind Mrs. Dash. It's a bunch of this shit. Tennessee wouldn't confirm to the wire service whether it has the drugs and indicated it has no plans to give any medications to hospitals. Well, that's a nice benevolent attitude.

Oklahoma said it hadn't received any requests for such medications from the hospital. They don't want to give it up. Oklahoma, they'll fuck it. You spit on the sidewalk, you might get a dozen of that shit. We got a question, Raz? Or I'll do one more story. If I caught you off guard.

Raz has to go down three flights of stairs to get the question from, we have an old guy bring on a bike. Martinet, St. Louis, Missouri, great city. I love St. Louis. Being that Kim Jong-un is the only fat guy at all in North Korea,

my question is, do you think North Korea has one single doctor with any experience treating a patient with obesity? That's a great, he's trying to be funny, but it's a good point because the rest of the country weighs, the average person weighs four grams in North Korea. He's been starving, the government of North Korea's been starving people for the whole existence over there. Ever see a shot of Korea, North Korea at night? It's all black. There's no lights on. You know, you fly over country, you see light.

Creepy. It's a great question. Do you have a single doctor treating a fat patient with a, we'll have to get fucking Dr. Phil over there. Who's a Dr. Oz? One of those hacks you see on TV. Maybe Tony Horton from P90X sent him over there. Nobody has seen or heard a word from fucking Kim Jong Porkchop. It's a great question, Marty. I got to say, nope. They're going, what? I don't know.

I've never seen ribs. I mean, I've seen ribs, but not ribs on a plate. This guy's dying. He's still eating. They say he's in grave condition, they think. But who knows? Who knows? These people in that part of the country

have a tendency to lie a lot. You notice? Whether it's Wuhan or... It'd be funny if it turns out he just had, I don't know, hurt his back playing bocce ball or something. I don't know. Good question. playing bocce ball or something. I know.

Good question. It really slowed down the show. Thanks, Marty. Can we get anything controversial in it? Here's some controversy for you. I brought up earlier about Iran and China, right, and Russia working together. These creeps. Here's the headline.

U.S. adversaries are accelerating coordinating coronavirus disinformation. The State Department has assessed that Russia, China and Iran are mounting increasingly intense and coordinated disinformation campaigns against the U.S. relating to the outbreak of the new coronavirus. That's what they're saying. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? I think it's a dry run. It's a dry run for the election in November. They're just practicing their disinformation. That's what they're putting out.

This could cost people their lives and shit. China, Iran, and fucking fucking russia okay dangerous combination remember they remember when trump got elected remember what they will uh they were putting shit out about the protests it will be both positive shit about trump and negative shit causing all kinds of uh that's what they do we were supposed to put a crackdown on that, but now they're doing it about the coronavirus. Don't kid yourselves. The adversaries of the United States, and I said this, right?

They're probably working on the next germ to release in November. Am I paranoid? I don't know, but you know these three scumbag countries are working together. No doubt about it. Sowing seeds and putting out disinformation all three countries are using straight state-controlled media you know like cnn msnbc uh social media and government

agencies and officials to disseminate information to domestic audiences and global audiences alike that denigrates the u.s and spreads false. The messages then are picked up and amplified by each repeating the other's claims. So China's repeating Russia's chain and the Iranian creating an echo across traditional and social media. And who falls for it? Dumb people on the left. The pattern allows officials and official sources to give credibility to information spread by unofficial sources. One of the aims behind the accelerating effort has been to distract domestic audiences, meaning their audiences at home, from poor public health responses in their countries. It's the old, hey, look over here. It's the United China, same United States military.

We're the ones who came up with COVID and it's a bioweapon. And, you know, believe or die in those countries so they're trying to distract from how horrible and you know they're saying the numbers are a lot like in LA there's a fucking lot more people a lot more sick Rich

Wood sent me a clip that I forgot to put on the show today somebody off mic saying the numbers a lot higher than LA's reporting A lot more sick. Rich Wood sent me a clip that I forgot to put on the show today. Somebody off mic saying the number's a lot higher than L.A.'s reporting. Yeah, so what they're trying to do is distract their own people by pointing fingers at us and saying, you know, so nobody can focus on what a shitty job they're doing. Nothing to see here. Please disperse. Nothing to see here. Please disperse. Nothing to see here.

Please. Upon the unproven claim circulating in Russia and Chinese information channels is that Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation created the new coronavirus with pharmaceutical companies to make money from the treatment. Jesus Christ. Even I don't buy that. That's Bill Gates and some guy in a wig. I, uh, I'm kidding.

These people do a little, give a lot, a lot of money. I, I, but I, Bill Gates, anybody's a Titan, big tech. They don't like us. Let's be honest. The claim has been linked to a report on a Russian state-owned TV network. The Gates Foundation didn't immediately respond to a request for comment. Mark Sussman, CEO of the foundation, said early this month that falsehoods may spread faster than disease and cause real harm. disease and cause real harm.

Another example was repeated. The repeated claim by Russia and Iranian state information sources that the virus is a U S bio weapon. Last month, Chinese officials alleged the virus was created by the United States military. You believe these fucking people. But it's all lies. It might be the U S army who brought the epidemic to Wuhan. Be transparent. China Foreign Minister's spokesman Zhao Linjian said on Twitter, the U.S. military

has described that charge as false. Jesus, I would hope so. Questions about how the health crisis originated are one part of a broader diplomatic and public relations battle between the United States and China over the pandemic. The State Department report was produced by the State Department's Global Engagement Center, that's GEC, which coordinates the government's effort to identify and counter disinformation by foreign adversaries. The GEC assesses that their current convergence on COVID-19 disinformation has accelerated as the pandemic increasingly impacts the world. Leah Gabriel, the GEC special envoy, said much of the cooperation appeared to be opportunistic, but there was evidence of coordinated action

between the three U.S. adversaries. Russia, China, and Iran do have media cooperation agreements, and I think this is important because disinformation narratives are known to originate from official state news sources. If you don't believe it, ask CNN and fucking Brian Starr. United States, Russia has denied engaging in disinformation campaigns. U.S. intelligence officials are also examining whether foreign actors may be trying to seed or amplify anti-lockdown protests in the U.S. intelligence officials are also examining whether foreign actors may be trying to seed or amplify anti-lockdown protests in the U.S. Remember I told you about the rallies when Trump got elected?

The anti-protest, they're doing it now with this coronavirus shit. They think our intelligence is saying that, you know, like, you know, Michigan, these people protesting saying, let us get out of the house and go back to work. They think this is how they do it. They sow dissension. Right. Divide and conquer. All this fucking playbook. You listening?

Putin. Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that? You got that? Zing pang chi? All you mullers. Shave your beards, you bitches.

That's enough of that. That was too heavy news-wise. But folks, it's what we do. I'm sweating like I got the fucking disease in my cell right now. One-time contributions.

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It's very, uh, it's needed. There's very few shows where we can go nuts. You know, that's Bill Gates. He'll be pulling me down in a few minutes. People are losing this shit. You know, coronavirus and quarantining people for a long time has very different effects on different people. This one had me belly laughing.

People are pulling their own teeth while dentists are on coronavirus lockdown. I need it. I haven't had my teeth cleaned in two years. I got a fucking six inch tuna sub from Subway back here. It's still whole.

I do. I have a tooth I bite down. There's one down here. I never have teeth problems. I know I'm getting old. There's one up here. And I bite down on certain shit. Oh my God. There's a nerve that runs, I think, from your teeth up to your brain. My fucking right eye twitches when I bite down on, you know. I'm talking pudding. The American Dental Association has recommended that dentists stay closed

for non-emergency procedures until April 30th, especially with personal protective equipment in such short supply, staying closed in the best interest of our dental patients and dental team members. At this point, I don't give a shit.

I need my teeth cleaned. You could have the first, you could have a guy from the wet market put his hands in my mouth. Similar guidelines are in place in other countries too, but that hasn't stopped some people from pulling their own teeth. Billy Taylor, 33, used a pair of pliers

to yank out his infected tooth after he was denied an appointment. The pain had become too excruciating, he tells News Service SWNS. The father from the UK, is this excruciating. He tells news service SWNS the father from the UK Is this him? That's his tooth? Pull that out of a fucking shark.

Look at the size of that fucker. The roots went down to his liver. The father from the UK attempted to call his own dentist, but he didn't get through. And when he called emergency services, that's what he used.

That's what they use on you, the fucking narcs. When they torture you, they pull your nipples and toenails out with that thing. He called the emergency services. This is in England, by the way. He was told, shouldn't go in until he was, his breathing was restricted. That's the kind of health care that you know bernie wants my face was swelling i had a migraine on that side he says it got really bad that night and the swelling was

getting worse i was pretty wound up so armed with some youtube videos a pair of wire locking pliers and a couple of shots of whiskey he got to work he had his 11 year old son leo keep an eye on him casey casey passed out he says let's just say the procedure was a success but the process was bloody painful it was hideous i probably wouldn't recommend that unless you know what you're doing you could crush uh you could crush your whole your whole tooth so it's fucking brutal man we got a clip of a guy uh i'm guessing he's a trump voter and don't take that the wrong way but uh type of guy i like look at this guy work the dead son do it myself oh good God. Oh, my God. What is it? What is it?

Do it again. Oh, ew. Oh, my God. Run through a motherfucker face. That's the mouth of every boyfriend on the fucking Tiger King. Every one of his meth head boyfriends had teeth worse than that. Look at them choppers. God bless these people, huh?

Fucking nuts. When I was a kid, I tried, honest to God, I tried this because I started on the Three Stooges. Do you remember the one when Curly had a loose tooth or Shemp? They tied a string to a doorknob and they kept slamming the door? I tried doing that on myself. Ended up taking half my gums and shit. I love the Stooges. They really influenced me, as you can see.

Anyways, I don't know. I just, I can't get the... Fuck. Look at this. The fuck? That's coffee and it's 98 in here. I really am blending in. Fucking gray hair.

Gray shirt. Gray background. Gray pubes. Gray matter. gray's anatomy. Finally tonight, let's end it with a Patriots trading Rob Gronkowski. He had a year left on his contract with the Pats, technically. Guess what? They traded him to the buccaneers

him and brady are gonna reunite this is unbelievable run through a face in a shocking move tuesday the pats traded gronkowski to the box along with seventh round pick in this week's draft they only get a fourth round around why do we only get a fourth rounder what the am I missing here? The deal came together after Gronk alerted the Patriots he wanted to return the NFL to play with Tom Brady in Tampa. Gronkowski told Fox Sports he already took a physical with the Buccaneers, which was the only hurdle remaining. ESPN added that Gronkowski took the physical

with a neutral doctor in Boston and is awaiting results, though he feels he passed with flying colors. Probably found a little gonorrhea and shit. He likes his porn stars. Gronkowski had one year and $10 million left on his Pats contract. Gronk weighed in at 265 in his playing days, but he's much lighter than that right now. Right? What are you

worried about? What's the biggest thing you got to worry about? You're worried about the weight. You're worried about the weight? What are we arguing about, boy? I just said the weight. I'm happy here where I'm at. You just never know, man, he said. He says he's feeling good. You just never know. You never know. I'm totally... He says I'm not

totally done. Gronkowski's tried everything from a partnership with cbd oil company to a role as for he was great on tv this guy when he's done football finally i mean there'll be a sitcom around him you know the big dumb white jock and uh anyways he's tried everything anyways he's hosted super bowl parties fucking he's been on fox on new year's eve with steve harvey and uh he's returning to the nfl and to the quarterback he played nine seasons with including three super bowl victories i just love gronk i just fucking love him gronkowski had 521 catches, 7,861 yards, 79 touchdowns before stepping away. Tom Brady commented, look, I love the guy. He said, while noting that he would not personally recruit him back,

I'm so happy that he's enjoying his time. This is before they knew this. I'm happy that he's enjoying his life. He seems to really be doing a lot of great things. He always says the right shit. Fucking Tom's like Jeter, the most boring interviewer. You know? You could tell Jeter, your wife was just found in a dumpster dead.

He'd be like, look, we're focusing on baseball. She was a good person. We don't know what happened. I'm going to look into it. But right now I have to fucking play pepper. Really, they always keep it too close to the vest. But you know why this happened? The Buccaneers

they're shopping around their current starting tight end O.J. Howard. So he might leave. That leaves an opening. That's going to be and this is what i wanted to see happen brady with some real weapons because boy i'll tell you the patriots weren't that uh generous tampa bay already boasts one of the top receiving combos in the nfl mike evans and chris godwin

throw gronk in there but you gotta have a line you gotta have a line ladies and gentlemen But you got to have a line. You got to have a line, ladies and gentlemen. Anyways, that is it. Boys and girls, again, thank you. Go to nickdip.com if you'd like to make a financial contribution or patriot.com, sign up monthly. And if you have business out there, you want to be a sponsor, Tommy's got another one coming.

The numbers are great. I know we have a captive audience right now. But I can't tell you how much we appreciate it so thank you so much you guys think it i will say it you're very welcome we will see you back here tomorrow and uh stay corona free kids guitar solo I don't know.