The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dirty DEMS In Disarray | Nick Di Paolo Show #298

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

Bully Biden Bashes Broad. Bannon Proves Maher Wrong. Lizzie Loses Six Token Sisters. MONDAY - THURSDAY 9PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

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Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, don't be too quick with that, Roz. I want to hear a little of that fucking... That guy wrote that for me. How's it going, everybody? Welcome, Monday, new week. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Man, this weekend flew.

It's amazing how the time goes by and you're just doing absolutely nothing. Laying on the couch like a paralyzed pig watching nothing because football's over. Ooh, college basketball. Female college. Give me a ton of that. LPG. Oh, it gets sick.

Fucking figure. I was actually watching figure skating. Watching figure skating. That guy got a nice ass. I don't like his sequined skirt, but he's got a... I always saw figures... Are you on your button? Yeah, get off it.

Echo. I always saw figures again. It would be much more entertaining if the girls didn't have panties on, you know? Double cow-sow fucking loop. And blindfold and park a few cars on the ice. Fucking hilarious. Go ahead, Raz.

Sorry. You didn't watch any of the XFL? I did not, Raz. Is that? I just turned it off. Okay. Is that what you didn't watch the NFL, but you watch the XFL? Is that what you're telling me?

Huh? No, I'm not going to. I have to purposely not watch football. I just I have to stay away from it once it's over because I become a slot from fucking September through January. And, you know, they run the shit SEC games and stuff. I have to fight myself not to watch like a SEC game from 1999 champion, whatever. myself not to watch like a sec game from 1999 champion whatever so xfl but i heard the tickets for the team in washington more expensive than the redskins tickets did you watch any of it i don't think it's going to be very good because um well i you know i saw a highlight and

one of the quarterbacks was um you know johnny unitas so they dug him up and he really can't go to his right anymore i should have come up with somebody who's alive but fuck it's monday i stink anyways uh joe biden fucking lost his mind again i got the audio of one uh here's the audio of uh him in new hampshire and fucking he thought this was an appropriate joke to tell at the town hall. Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks. Don't you have a vase?

Joe Biden. Joe Biden finally saying something funny. Fuck you and your bones, bird. Yeah. What am I forgetting at the top of the show? I feel like I forgot something. Man, fuck you and your bones first. Yeah. What am I forgetting at the top of the show? I feel like I forgot something. Hi, everybody. Anyways, yeah, interesting.

Interesting. By the way, I went to Carabas. That's right. It's an Italian chain. And I just wanted pizza. I didn't give a shit. I didn't feel like going to the real good pizza joint. So I went to Carabas. Then I told my manager a shit. I didn't feel like going to the real good pizza joint. So I went to Carrabba's and then I told my manager, Tom.

He sends me a picture today, ironically, of a pizza from LMB in Brooklyn. I should have pulled the clip up. I'm going to jerk off to it later. It's the best pizza I've ever had. Sicilian style in a box like this.

A box like this big. He opens it slowly. It's like fucking watching a broad take her clothes off, a beautiful broad. Yummy! And then he goes, I go, yeah, I went to Krabby's.

He goes, what's the matter, Olive Garden? I go, I'm in Georgia. Don't be fucking busting my balls. Although, it's a great pizza place in Georgia, right here in my hometown. And the guy recognized me who runs it. He's been running it 17 years. He's from Brooklyn. He's a

big comedy fan. He gave me two free slices for a selfie with him. And the slices are like a half a pie. They're fucking huge. But anyways, that's the pizza news today. Let's get back to Uncle Joe Biden, who's making Donald Trump look like a experienced, well-polished beaker. Biden has lost his fucking mind. On Sunday, Biden snapped at a voter in New Hampshire. Why am I getting shit? I have airplane mode on. Hey, Cameo, fuck off. I know there's two waiting. Fucking internet. Suck my ass. Anyways, here's Biden losing his shit in

New Hampshire after a voter in New Hampshire, he called a woman, a young woman, a lying dog-faced pony soldier. What are we doing? What's going on right now? The dust-up came after the voter asked Biden, how do you explain the performance in Iowa and why should the voters believe that you can win a national election or election? Go ahead. Here's a clip. Voters believe that you can win the national election. It's a good question.

Listen up. Number one. Bully he is. Iowa's a good question. Number one, I was a Democratic caucus. You ever been to a caucus? No, you haven't. You're a lying dog-faced pony soldier. You said you were, but now you've got to be honest. I'm going to be honest with you.

What? It was a little bit confusing. You smug cocksucker. Fuck you. Did you see the guy's face in the front row who almost looked like a Republican, a big guy with a white shirt and tie on? Look, they don't know whether to laugh or not. That's how fucked up he is. Even his stupid sycophants there.

There's the hottest piece of ass in New Hampshire, by the way, holding the Biden sign. Jesus Christ. What a John Madden fucker, a Palomino. Look at the puss on her. You should be hiding behind that sign there. That's the girls they used to, you know, chase up University of Maine. Nick, that's fat shaming. Good.

He just called a young woman who's there, obviously a fan of his, a lying dog-faced pony soldier, which is going to be my new thing. Somebody Google pony soldier. I don't even know what it is, but I'm sure it's a war that he was in. He is fucking, I'm telling you, he's been trying to tank since he announced. He realized on day one

that he had no energy for this, and he's been trying to bring himself down. I really believe that, honest to God. Imagine he's still up there, although he came in like fourth or fifth in New Hampshire. He's done, folks. Like I said, I hate to be a, you know, but I told you so. Bloomberg is going to figure on this somehow. He's waiting until Super Tuesday to get in.

He's going to jump in, and he's going to just, you know, hey, Trump's a bully and I'm not a bully. I'm a young Jewish fellow who was picked on as a child and I have billions of dollars. Although he's not even really running against Trump. The Democrats are using his money to fucking spread anti-Trump horseshit everywhere. He's already spent zillions on ads and shit. But you watch. He's going to figure in it somehow.

Anyhow, any he. The debate, they had a debate. We weren't around. I don't know, it was Thursday night, wherever. It was in New Hampshire. And here's a few highlights from the debates. I'll comment as we go. I took a hit in Iowa. Oh, Jesus.

And I'll probably take a hit here Iowa. Oh, Jesus. And I'll probably take it here. Traditionally, what are we doing by 20 points? What's going on right now? He just said, I'll probably take a hit here. Imagine you're a Biden voter. He it's the first thing he says that debate. I'll probably stink it up here, too. Oh, my God. Can you do anything else to sabotage yourself? Oh, you know what he looks like if you laid him down right now in a casket? Huh? Open casket. He's got the pallor of a dead man with a nice suit on.

You smug cocksucker. Fuck you. The president wants very much to stick a label on every candidate. We're going to have to win this time. We have to bring along the United States Senate. And Bernie's label himself, not me, a democratic socialist. I think that's the label that the president is going to lay on everyone running with Bernie if he's a nominee. And Senator Judge is a great guy and a real patriot.

But he sucks a cock. He's a mayor of a small city who has done some good things. I suck a cock. But has not demonstrated his ability to, and we'll soon find out, to get a broad scope of support across the spectrum, including African Americans and Latinos. Is anyone else on the stage concerned about having a Democratic Socialist at the top of the Democratic ticket? This is funny. Klobuchar, raise your hand.

I'm not. Senator Klobuchar, raise your hand. I'm not. Senator Klobuchar? Bernie. I love him. Bernie and I work together all the time. Oh yeah, everybody works with you. But I think we are not going to be able to out-divide the divider in chief. Pause. Divider in chief, first of all, nice bulletproof hairdo. What are you, a fucking astronaut's wife in 1958?

She's actually lost a little weight. This is what happens when they go up in the polls. They start concentrating on their own looks and shit. Divider-in-chief, just call Trump divider-in-chief. Yeah, he's the one who's into identity politics. He's the one who has black people and white people at each other's throats. He's the one who has gay going after straight people. He brought all that on.

Identity politics is a staple of the Democrat Party. Okay, bulletproof hairdo, fucking charisma of a snow tire. She actually did good, though. She actually did good in this debate, apparently. Moved up a couple of notches. That'll just make her disappointment bigger when she finally gets her ass kicked. Look at Bernie over there. Another corpse standing up straight.

Go ahead, Amy. I think we need someone to head up this ticket that actually brings people with her instead of shutting them out. Is he going to be able to get the support? Not if you like him, but is he going to be able to get the support that he needs from Republicans? What's that about?

Okay. I like Bernie just fine. Pause. Why did Biden come over and steal Bernie's thunder? Bernie said something I wasn't watching. Okay. I was watching the Food Network. Drive-ins, dinner and dive, fucking whatever the fuck.

And look at this fucking gay mannequin. Ugh. Yeah. Imagine, just put Putin next to him. It's like his little bitch servant. Go ahead, let's hear what dumb dumb... The biggest risk we could take at a time like this

would be to go up against that fundamentally new challenge by trying to fall back on the familiar or trying to fall back on the familiar or trying to unite this country at a moment when we need that kind of unification. When our nominee is dividing people with a politics that says if you don't go all the way to the edge, it doesn't count. A politics that says it's my way or the highway. Are you talking about Senator Sanders? Yes.

The way you bring people together. Together. By presenting an agenda that works for the working people of this country, not for the billionaire class. Billionaire. We had a moment the last few. Pause. Who said that? Bernie said that.

Who the fuck said that? Bernie said it. Who's the slimy little top of the shit twinkle toe cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Bernie Sanders. The way you bring people together. Fuck the billionaire class. Ben and Jerry are billionaires. They're friends of mine. I love Vermont.

I love Subarus, lesbians, and I told you, covered bridges. I love him. I fucking hate his politics, but he's the only one up there that really believes, and he's not wrong about everything, right? Corporate, it's too much money in politics. A lot of this is true. Fucking insurance companies, if you ever try to deal with them, they pork you in the ass. There's no doubt about it.

Drug companies, definitely raping people as far as prices go. So he's, but you know, fucking, there's other ways of fixing that other than, you know. And he also goes on to say how the fucking, this country is racist from top to bottom. And that's where you lose me, Bernie, and a lot of other people, you dummy, but go ahead. Weeks, Mayor, and that moment with these impeachment hearings. Make me a sandwich. There was a lot of other people, you dummy, but go ahead. Weeks mayor, and that moment was his impeachment hearing.

Make me a sandwich. And there was a lot of courage that you saw from only a few people. You said it was exhausting to watch and that you wanted to turn the channel and watch cartoons. It is easy to go after Washington, cuz that's a popular thing to do. It is much harder as I see Senator Shaheen in the front row, such a leader. It is much harder to lead. I think we should all stand and give Colonel Vindman a show of how much we support him. Stand up and clap for Vindman. Get up there.

Who we are. That's who we are. We are not what Trump is. We have not said one word tonight about race. Pause. We haven't said one word about race, but you're going to say it? Fucking billionaire white guy with your faggy scotch tape necktie? Look at that stuff.

Zach, his mouth is in the exact position when he stays with Pete Buttigieg. We haven't talked about race. And who knows more about black people than me, a white billionaire? Let's talk about it. Yeah, you know what? They hadn't said a word about race. It was kind of nice because there's other things in this world and in this country bigger than fucking race, believe it or not. Here's another guy sucking black ass.

Go ahead. One word. Are you kidding me? We have the most diverse party. We have a very diverse country. Pause. Pause right there. Oh, look at the diversity.

You got one Asian fella, and then the rest of them are white. Not a black or a brown person. What are you talking about, Steyer, you big fucking fag? Oh, God. We haven't talked about race in a nanosecond. Let's bring that up again. Look at Chang over there going, I should have brought it up. I'm the only minority left.

I was daydreaming about General Sal's chicken. Go ahead. We have a very diverse party. The heart and soul of this party is diversity, black people, Latinos, AAPI people, Native Americans, and white people. But for goodness sakes, pull it together. We cannot just say that criminal justice is the only time we want to talk about race specifically. We need race consciousness in education, in employment, in entrepreneurship to make this

country a country of opportunity for everyone, no matter the color of your skin. I come like no hand shift. I forgot we have an Asian and Indian woman. So there is a little bit of diversity. But Jesus, the rest of the fucking crew, whiter than an Osmond reunion in fucking Salt Lake City, yo. Know what I'm saying?

Finna break it down for you. I just up my stock. Fuck them cops. If you love hip-hop, bust them shots. Back to the show. ...Rule State. Oh, that's right. In Vermont.

In Vermont. In Vermont. Until last, two years ago. Two years ago. We had virtually no gun control. No gun control. Legislation at all. At all.

At all. And I represented that perspective. The world has changed. In Vermont and in New Hampshire and all over this country, people are sickened by the mass shootings that we have seen and the gun violence that we have seen. The world has changed and my views have changed. The world has changed. Oh, yeah, there's a ton of fucking drive-bys in Burlington on a Saturday.

The fuck? Shut up. It's not the gun, it's the idiots who are doing it. Every mass shooter has something in common, mental illness. Why don't you focus on that, Byrne? We done with that debate shit? Good. Good. Meanwhile, Trump's at home belly laughing, sitting on his gold toilet, Instagramming away, fucking tweeting, belly laughing, going, look what I did to this party.

Look what I, yeah, he is a divider in chief. He divided you guys into little tiny bits. Without even trying, you're killing yourselves. But anyhow, any who, any her. Speaking of Elizabeth Warren, she wanted to talk about race because she's an expert on race. And we all know that, right? Elizabeth Warren apologizes after six women of color quit her campaign. First of all, I hate the, look at her, the retarded Indian. Oh God. Screaming beagle is what they should call her.

Please take that down. She's making me physically ill. Thank you. God, I was getting queasy. Who's got a secrets? Yeah, she's an expert on race, but I was after revelations that a half dozen women of color, I hate the term of color, people of color, even black people don't even like it, okay, of color. We all have a color. Look at me. You can tell I have a touch of black in me. That my great-great-great-great-grandmother

was raped by a black Arab some 3,000 years ago on a hillside in Ding Chao Fling. Why China, Nick? I couldn't think of a fucking Sicilian Palermo. Anyway, six women of color fled Elizabeth Warren's campaign in about, fled. What are they, refugees? In just over two weeks before the state's critical Democratic caucus, the Senate from Massachusetts, listen to this, issued an apology on Thursday

night, acknowledging the staffers' bad experience. She just fucking comes right out and, you know, she wouldn't dare go, well, I really don't believe it. She couldn't defend her staffers, right? This is politics. Speaking to Politico, three of the six women described a toxic work environment in which minorities were tied to a radiator and fed dog food for two weeks. Oh, come on, Raz. I just gave you a good one. What are you doing, tweeting your wife?

You got to pay attention. I'm playing to you. No, go ahead. What was it, Tommy? No, come on. What was it? Tell me. Tell the rest of the class.

What? I was looking up dog doll-faced pony soldier. Oh! Go ahead. That's fine. Pony soldier. I don't know what it is, but every time my wife's on the rag, I'm going to call a pony soldier. A white cotton pony soldier.

Anyways, so anyways, they felt the minorities felt tokenized and senior leadership was at loggerheads that's a beer isn't it loggerhead uh furthermore the woman uh part of a team of about 70 said the internal grievances campaign suggestions and issues they raised with senior staff or human resources mostly went unresolved or unignored i hate to defend the indy and the lying uh screaming beagle, but do you really believe that she runs a racist

campaign or these people were treated seriously? I'm sorry. Beyond an Ernst handshake of the head and progressive buzzwords, one staffer who spoke on the conditions of anonymity. Warren told reporters she didn't dispute the validity of those. Okay, then you're admitting you treated black people bad.

So you got no right, do you, to fucking call the rest of the country racist? You just admitted that the women of color were treated horribly. Of course you didn't look into it. You had to say that for political expedience. I believe these women completely and without reservation.

That's a funny word for it in there. Screaming beagle, fire water. Coke drip. And I apologize that they have had a bad experience on this campaign. I tried to load the kitchens with chitlins, ribs, and cornbread. Yet that wasn't enough. I had Kavassier in all their mini-freezers. I tried to build a campaign, an organization that is diverse and welcoming, that celebrates

people, that encourages people to bring their whole selves to work every day. I take personal responsibility for this, and I'm working with my team to address concerns. Let me give you my take on it. I guarantee you the six women of color showed up about an hour late every morning. I don't know. Nick, that's racist. I'm just joking, man. I'm telling you, man. I'm just fucking around up here. Yeah, finna break it down for you. Yeah, finna break it down for you. Instagram and teachers who I despise. You never saw my vision, only saw me suspended.

Now my white bitches be fucking me till I'm winded. Breathe, breathe. Who said that? Henry Longfellow. Or Jefferson. In a speech last November on the campus of HBCU, Clark Atlanta, Warren made a case to black voters

and black women in particular saying the federal government has institutionalized racial inequity and tension in America. And that the federal government has responsibility

to fix it. And to that I say, the federal government has responsibility to fix it. And to that I say, my friends, you need to shut the fuck up! And then when questioned further about the six women of color that left, she said, these blacks, who knows where they're going to take the wrong way. The real Indian

came out in her. Any silly why? 200 grand a night, you can make it came out in her. And he's selling wine. 200 grand a night, you can make it right. Sitting in a band's white on white. I can't use the N-word, but I love the lyrics to this. Ow, my wrist. It's hotter than a motherfucker up in here. She was introduced by Rep. Ianna Pressley.

You know who she is? The black boy from Massachusetts who wants to undo shoplifting, make it not a crime. She's the most radical of them all. The fact that my city of... Boy, have they... They have a guilty white thing, Boston.

Like the deep south. Now, you know, they fucking lost their minds. It's the most PC place on the planet. A rising star in the party who has given Warren a key endorsement. The senator went on to invoke, listen to this, Warren goes on to invoke the Atlanta washerwoman strike of 1881. That's how rampant racism in this country, you have to go back to 1881 to make your point, an action that saw thousands of black women laundresses, you know, working in laundry, organizing for better wages and labor practices less than 20 years after the official end of slavery. She has to go back to make a point, something that happened 20 years after slavery.

That's how rampant racism, nothing's changed according to her and the Democrats, since 1881. Hey! But as the unrest in Warren's campaign proves, these oratorical flourishes and appeals are hollow if diversity on your own doorsteps get trampled on. Oh, suck a bag. This country couldn't be more race-friendly. I'm tired of it.

Bernie, too. Bernie went off on how the country's so racist and shit. You guys, do you understand that's the type of talk that gave us Donald Trump? Thank God. People were tired of that. Do you understand? They were tired of that, hearing that. And they said, look at this blonde-haired, blue-eyed devil.

He's got a billion dollars. Let's throw this motherfucker down. Nancy Pelosi clashes with Facebook and Twitter over video posted by Donald Trump. Oh, this is a fucking good one. Facebook and Twitter have rejected a request by Pelosi to remove a video posted by President Trump

that was edited to make it appear as though she were ripping up a copy of the State of the Union address speech as he honored Tuskegee. Did you see this? They doctored a video. First of all, this is the issue now. And to Zuckerberg's credit, he goes, no, we're not going to take down shit like this. It's obvious enough that it was like a parody.

If you're another way of saying I'm paraphrasing, if you're dumb enough to see, can't see that this is like a satirical in nature or whatever. If you're dumb enough to fall for it, you know what I mean? This, you know, it's just frigging, but this is pretty good. Watch what they did to the video. Charles is one of the last surviving Tuskegee Airmen, the first black fighter pilots. And he also happens to be Ianan's great grandfather god bless him tonight we have a very special surprise i am thrilled to inform you that your husband is

back from deployment he is here with us tonight and we couldn't keep him waiting any longer. It would be funny if it was like, I don't know, one of the Detroit people. Look, she took it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I can proudly announce tonight that an opportunity scholarship has become available. It's going to you and you will soon be heading to the school of your choice. OK, we get it. All right. So Trump's people put that out. How's it feel, lefties, to have the media manipulated? That was fucking hilarious.

Of course she didn't do that during that. But you know what she did do? All those people were mentioned in that speech that she tore up. And some of them were offended after. So it's not totally ill. But I have to fucking give props to, you know, Facebook for saying, no, we're fucking leaving that up there. Obviously, it was doctored and whatnot, and, you know. But Pelosi, oh, my God.

She wanted it taken down. Oh, boy, you. Yeah, you said it. Cry like a bitch. You're a damn bitch. All right, just it. Probably like a bitch. Oh! Ha ha ha! I know what you did. You're a damn bitch. Alright, just get the hell out of here. I got a goddamn campaign.

Oh! Also in Kate Faraz, please watch that movie. I want to watch it with you. I'm telling you, it'll be terrific. So she's all upset about that. The decision highlighted the tension between critics who want social media platforms to crack down on the spread of misinformation. Look, it's going to get really dangerous with these deep fake, what do they call them, deep fake videos or whatever the fuck,

where you can really, you can have people saying shit. I mean, that's dangerous shit, you know. And you know the left is going to, they'll have Trump, you can have people saying shit. I mean, that's dangerous shit, you know? And you know the left is going to, they'll have Trump, you know, we must kill all the Jews and blacks and blah, blah, blah, you know, they'll have them doing a fucking, and there's people dumb enough in this country to go, oh my God, I can't believe I'm looking at that. Anyways, to crack down on the spread of misinformation and others who argue that political speech should be given wide latitude, even if it's deceptive or false.

The debate has accelerated during the 2020 presidential campaign as Democrats in Congress have demanded that Facebook and other tech companies take tougher action, while figures on the right have fought back naturally because we're for freedom of uh... uh... arguing that such uh... policing could muzzle conservative view and that's the bigger point cuz conservative viewpoints already being muzzled and if you say to me right now nick that's both now it is it project veritas james o'keefe whatever his name is went undercover remember talking to google and to other people and they say how biased twitter and it's out there. Even liberals don't argue that anymore. So if you're going to, if there's a danger of misinformation on social media, it's going to affect the Republicans more than it will.

So a funny parody like that. Give me a break. Hey, guys, let's talk about sex, huh? It's never a bad time to talk about sex. Good sex. Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed. Listen up. BlueChew.com. That's blue like the color blue, like my balls.

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New and exclusive, a little announcement here to Patreon members. Thank you all for subscribing to the show. You guys are the reason I'm able to do this. Tom is going to go, why do you have to read it? Because I'm not the narrow. And thanks for watching the exclusive Encore content.

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Anyways, thank you guys again. That's exclusive to Patreon members and we appreciate it. Real quickly, this weekend, Saturday night, I'll be at the Kelsey Theater, Lake Park, Florida. February 20-22, Comics at Mohegan Sun, Montville, Connecticut. February 28th, Decatur Civic Center, Decatur, Illinois.

The next night, the 29th, Zanny's Comedy Club in Rosemont, Illinois. March 13th and 14th, the McGulby's Joke House, Timonium, Maryland. Just added, the 29th, Zanny's Comedy Club in Rosemont, Illinois. March 13th and 14th, the Magoobies Joke House, Timonium, Maryland. Just added, March 28th, 29th, Skank Fest in Houston, Texas. April 3rd, Morgan Hill Events Center, Herman, Maine. The next night, April 4th, Jonathan's in Gunkwick, Maine. June 12th, Jesus, I'm like James Brown with this shit. The Ritz Theater in Scranton, PA.

September 24th through 26th, The Comedy Works at the Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas. October 10th, Stand Up Live, Huntsville, Alabama. October 11th, Zanies in Nashville, Tennessee. Can't wait. I haven't been to a few of those places in a long time. Some place I'm... I can't wait for Skagfest. That's going to be beautiful. So check those out at nickdip.com.

Hey, Steve Bannon went on Bill Maher last night. You know why? Because this guy's a true warrior. He loves to go into hostile environments because he's 19 times smarter than anybody on the left. And he knows it. He went on Bill Maher a year or two ago. I'll show you that one first. Then he went on this weekend on Bill Maher's show on HBO and took him apart again. So here's the one from a year or two ago.

If I can say one thing, I do think this campaign after November 6th, which is really Trump's first re-elect, if we lose the House, he's going to get impeached. This is a referendum. Pause. Do you hear what he just said? This was a year ago. If he loses the House, whatever, almost a year, if he loses the House, which he did, he's going to get impeached, which he did. Guy knows what he's talking about. I think he has Trump's ear.

He did, obviously, when he's running the campaign, but I still think he has a lot to do. Go ahead. If we get past that, if we get... I hate the audience. If we get past that, I think in 2020, you're going to have Trump on the right, a politician, maybe a Kamala Harris or somebody on the left, and I think you'll have a Bloomberg or a Romney or somebody in the center. I think it'll be a three-way race. I hope so, because if it's a three-way, they will take away enough votes

to make sure Donald Trump never wins again. Pause. Pause. Oh,'s- Oh, pause. Pause. Oh, gee, Bill, I wonder if you could get a round of applause for that statement in front of your fans. That's what he always does. He drops in these, whether consciously or subconsciously. I like, my friends like, despise him.

I don't despise Bill Maher. I mean, I hate, obviously, I hate his politics, but they, he represents his side well. Get this through your head, you- Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker! Hey! That was Bannon, yell at him. Okay, that was like a year or two ago. Now let's skip forward to this weekend. I have two clips of him on Bill Marshall. Can we do that, Roz?

Yes, he used words like scum, horrible people, evil people. He has a different house style. Okay, but we've seen this house style before. When you talk about people like that, when you're a cult leader like that who has thousands, millions of people. Wait a second. He has millions of people who are obviously great. And now we only have loyalists in the government. Okay.

That's not true. Well, that's where people that's where people that's where people were terminated today. Many of the people on that list, like because they're just not loyalists. They're good people. No, it's not loyalists. Remember, of course, a commander in chief has the rights. The whistleblower and other guys like that were on the list that people that worked around me put together in April of 2017. me put together in April of 2017. These detailees, a commander in chief, whether it's Bernie Sanders, AOC, or Donald Trump,

have the right to have people around them that believe in their policies and their program. It's not about loyalty. Okay, these are people who we didn't even know existed. They were deep state people, deep state meaning competent people who actually make the government work who are not, who are non-partisan. Why? I'm not a believer in the deep state. Steve, let me get to question two.

Okay. Because we only have so much time. That was his big... That was his big... He was upset because Trump uses words like vermin and scum. Is there more to that one, Rez? That was it? That was his big beef.

They've been calling Trump a Nazi and a... Whatever. They dehumanized Trump before he even was elected. And they have been every day since on a loop. And he's worried because Trump calls somebody a scumbag on Twitter or whatever. You can't call any, there's no worse thing you call a person than a Nazi, somebody responsible exterminating 6 million Jewish people. So it sort of dehumanizes Trump. And that's why people feel they can do anything. Come up and punch somebody in the face

wearing a MAGA hat and shit. And he's... He called them... Go ahead. We've seen this in other countries. When you talk about people like they're scum and they're evil, we've seen it in Rwanda, cockroaches.

We've seen it in Germany. This is his big beef. You don't think that when you talk about people like that, your side, the people who hear those words, you don't think eventually it translates into action. They see people on our side. Pause. Pause. Really? No. Because you've been calling, fucking Hillary called this irredeemable, deplorable. And you've been calling anybody who thinks of sports Trump a Nazi.

Do you think that translates to Antifa? You think that has anything to do with people punching people in the face wearing a MAGA hat? The fuck are you talking about, Bill? Are you that ensconced in your Hollywood bubble? Go ahead. No, I do not.

As less than worth... No, absolutely not. Why? Because we have the precedents I just mentioned. Why is it not... No, absolutely not. I think... Why? Because we have the precedents I just mentioned. Why is it not like a cockroach's scum... No, you don't see... Steve, Mr. Thurman...

No, no, no. You don't... Listen, you'll see... Not the same? You don't see any actions of the deplorables or people doing that. Listen, for the last three years, Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic Party have sat there and said we have to protect the country, a clear and present... Donald Trump's a clear and present danger against Russian oligarchs.

The Democratic Party today is looking to be saved by an oligarch. This thing is total hypocrisy. I'm talking about Bloomberg. I'm talking about Bloomberg, an American, a moderate Republican mayor. Yeah, he's a very rich guy. $71 billion. Yes, I agree. A super rich guy.

And he's going to put billions of dollars to destroy Donald Trump. To run against him. He's not running against him. He's not running against him. He's not running against him. What is he doing? It's a leverage buy to the Democratic Party. He's already said, I will put $2 billion of capital

in back of any candidate to defeat Trump. Okay, one side always has more money than the other. This is not about more money. It's not about more money because the last time Trump had way less money and he won, sort of. Absolutely. You know why?

Because Trump... Sort of. Ah, that's why. It's, hold on. It's that mentality that has you in this place today. In the place today is Trump is about to run the tables. You have a totally divided party. Oh, I agree with that. No, because

nobody sat there after 2016 and said why did we lose? See? That's the biggest point. And I love that he brought up Bloomberg's running, and the Dems are hoping. You know? They're always bad-mouthing billionaires in the top 1%. He's going to save them, maybe, which I predicted. Still might not be true, but he's using their money.

And Bill Maher doesn't know that, or is he being willfully ignorant? You know what I mean? He doesn't know that already Bloomberg has flooded markets with commercial after commercial. You know, even if he doesn't officially run, if he's not the nominee, I mean, that money comes in mighty handy. All right, enough of that. Let's talk about some important news, okay? A U.K. supermarket was forced to apologize for asking people not to steal female menstrual products because shoplifting is apparently now a woke thing to do. Can you fucking imagine?

Spotted by HMB, I said, we really need a genuine conversation as a society about what's safety. Oh, do we? Shoplifting, somebody else is asked to pay for your rags now. This is going on in the UK, and poor people. Well, take it off your head and put it between you. Oh, it's a Muslim joke, everybody. Here goes my career. Yeah, can you imagine?

They're asking the supermarket to apologize for putting a sign up. The tweet got 15,000 likes. Where's the sign? Help us build a safer community. Help us build safer communities. Report shoplifting to a member of staff, which means a lot of people are stealing this shit. And then people go, the women go, that all should be free. Should be free to everybody because, you know, to have a menstrual cycle, that's natural.

That's fine. OK, make Viagra free for guys who can't get it up because that's natural, too. Where does it stop? Make football tickets free because that's natural too. Where does it stop? Make football tickets free because that's as American as apple pie. That's not the same thing. Okay. Toilet paper. I'll go with toilet paper. Nobody should pay for toilet paper.

You literally wipe your ass with it. And it's not that cheap. It was a fucking Walmart. I bought one of these big for the office here. You know, it comes in like 48 rolls. I needed a forklift to get it out. It's like fucking $8,100 for me to wipe your poop on. That should be free.

But no, tampons and shit, somebody has to sew those together. Me, I do it in my garage. I take my pillows, I pull all the stuffing out, then I roll them in white owls like a blunt, and I tie some string on that motherfucker. Nick, you've lost your mind. Yes, I have.

It's harder than a motherfucker. Can't wait for the show to end. But people on Twitter, you fucking virtue signaling sanctimonious assholes. It really, if social media has done one thing, it really has exposed this underbelly of people who think they shit ice cream. It's disgusting. Anyways, respondents to the tweet asserted the human right to steal tampons and sanitary towels. Sanitary products should be free for anybody who menstruates. Women, trans men.

How about regular men? I've done nine stories this year on how we have our periods. You know what I mean? Okay, make fucking men's disposable razors free. Where does it stop? Or anyone who menstruates should not have to worry about being reported for taking a necessity that I personally believe should be free at another person who's probably on food stamps and thinks they're fucking owed everything. Thank you. And if you think that's the end of the absurdity, think again.

After BuzzFeed picked up the story, the supermarket in question, Tesco, Tesco, actually apologized for the, there is no more self-white hating country than where it all started, England. That society has crumpled. The lack of spine in the motherland for white people is hilarious. Tesco removed signs placed above tampons and other menstrual health products that ask people to report shoplifting of these items in its Kensington, London store after the sign caused mass uproar online.

The company said it was very sorry for any offense caused and claimed that the sign was placed in error. Now you're lying about it. Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. Y, Onkin, Jamrag, Arkin, Spunk. Jamrag? I'm telling you h that's what it is looking at me i'm gonna put you in the fucking ground i promise you

guy from australia told me that's what a jam rag is it's a fucking tampon that was a very good sound clip um anyhow can you imagine they they apologized People are stealing their shit. That costs money. Prices go up for everybody. People are stealing their shit, and they're apologizing because they put a sign up saying, don't steal. England, just fold up shop, all right? Come over here, the ones that were for Brexit. I've got a big garage in my house.

I'll move my weights. Anyways. That's all I got questions you got questions this is something for the patreon members a little exclusive thing if you but if you guys haven't subscribed to patreon you get me three more times a week you know come on what are Patreon, you get me three more times a week. You know, come on. What are you doing? You got to have it. Relax.

Where are you going, Russ? I'm still talking here. Shade Lady. Does that mean she's really heavy? Nick, you've been promising to tell stories about your inbred neighbors as a kid. I've been waiting to hear them. You've said you've told them before, but I can't find them. Oh, so I should bore the rest of the people already heard them? I love Shayla. Please,

for the love of God, tell me those stories. Okay, real quick. Colin Quinn cried. He was laughing so hard when I was explaining who I grew up across the street from. We'll call them the Melvins. It's very, I don't know if I can mention the real name, but anyways. But they lived across the street, okay? They were there when my dad was a kid. Literally, they lived in a house. It was like the Addams family. One day, there's rats outside.

Me and my brother start throwing rocks at the rats across the street. The lady comes out and yells at us, don't scare them. She's defending rats on her porch. On hot summer's night, you'd hear like country and western music, and they'd be out there on the fucking porch. This isn't 20 minutes from Boston, 22 miles north. But they were very poor, and my dad, we were always very kind to them. There was a guy, George, he was in his probably late 30s.

He would play street hockey with us. He had no teeth. He had a scar right here, wore a leather jacket. He used to come up and shake my hand. Hey, Nicky, how you doing? Smoking a cigarette. He was like a kid, though. Mentally, he was like 12 years old.

And he'd play hockey with us and shit, and then we'd get mean and throw tomatoes at him and shit. And he'd run in and tell his mother, even though he was 35 years old. But we always treated him, anyway, we treated him nice other than throwing tomatoes and shit. But my dad would give them old clothes and stuff, you know, I mean, because we felt bad, right? My dad gives, here's the one that made me laugh so goddamn hard. My dad gave them a recliner, an old recliner that we weren't using. They took it.

Two days later, my father's, I'm in the garden with my father. My father's working on tomatoes. Mrs. Melvin's standing on the porch with her arms folded. My father looks up at her. Mrs. Melvin goes, what are you looking at, monkey? My father just gave her a fucking recliner. What are you looking at, monkey? So there was George Meldon and then there was Johnny Meldon,

who you never saw. Johnny Meldon you never saw all year until the first snow. He was like a mechanic, a mechanic in his day, right? But when we got a lot of snow in Boston, he would come out. We waited every year for this.

All of a sudden, he'd come out from behind the house on this tractor he built. I mean, he's sitting like 10 feet high on the tractor. With like a, I don't know, a small car engine on it. It was made of plywood and shit. But he was this high. We used to look out the window belly lapping. And then there was another guy who would show up.

This is no bullshit. Another guy would show up once a year or twice a year. He was another brother or an in-law. We didn't know who this guy was. He would show up in a cab. The cab driver would get out and carry two false fake legs in to the house and then carry the guy in. Turns out he passed out on train tracks.

He was a drunk, and his legs got run over. My dad knew that story. But these people, my grandparents were battling these people. Now, that was the Melvins. Then right next to them was another house, the relatives. And the word was they were incestuous and shit. There was a lady named Elsie in the next house. She would come out at sundown.

And the house was gross and covered by trees. She would come out, though, when the sun went down, almost every night and sing the national anthem. In the filthiest house dress, she would have fucking greasy hair. She would sing the national anthem and go back in the house. dress, she would have a fucking greasy hair. She would sing the national anthem and go back to the house. And then Ernie, that's the other brother,

George, John, and Ernie. Ernie built a trailer by hand in between the two houses. And he had a daughter, Darlene, little redhead. And he would ride her bike around town. A green girl stingray with a basket on it. Guy's in his 40s.

I'm not making this shit up. He drove a Falcon station wagon. One day we wake up, there's a pony tied up next to the trailer they built. So that pony's there. One day me and my buddy Paul Grant come out of my house. We go to walk down my driveway. What's running towards us? The fucking pony's there. One day me and my buddy Paul Grant come out of my house. We go to walk down my driveway. What's running towards us?

The fucking pony broke free. But it gets better. But a month after that, I get a call. Somebody, my buddy calls me who lived down the street and goes, look out your fucking window. I look out my window. The pony is stuffed in the back of a Falcon station wagon. The whole pony is laying on its side with its ass hanging out.

They got the rope around the... I'm not making the fucking shit up. My grandfather had beefs with these guys. He's going back to the fucking... The Meldons. And we used to throw snowballs, of course we were kids, at the trailer he built by hand.

And Darlene, the little redhead girl, she used to, you know, we'd see her at the bus stop and shit. She used to come out and go, you're knocking stuff off the wall! We were pegging the... And my father would yell at us for that.

And apparently, the father was having sex with her. She even told us about it. Okay? This is fucking... This isn't Tennessee or... This shit is everywhere. This is, like Bill Hicks said, serious pockets of human... But the funniest guy that would build a snowplow over here. He'd be sitting like ten feet high with two wooden

handles. Come on. Ernie fell asleep in the Falcon station wagon and my buddy Robbie Sears snuck up. It was like five o'clock in the afternoon. He was out like a light. He snuck up with one of those fog horns. Fucking guy chased us up the street for like fucking a mile and a half. We thought

we were going to die because he was mentally, you know, tortured these poor people. Don't scare the rats. Don't scare the – but how about her going to my father? What are you looking at, monkey? My father's like, I just gave her a fucking chair two days ago. There you go, Shade. Shady, Slim Shady, Shade Whitey.

Appreciate the question. Is that it? One more. Oh, shit, no, that one took too long. Yeah. We'll do it when they're quick ones, but that was a story. All right?

That is it for today. Show won a fucking hour. Tommy might have a point. Anyways, that is it. today show won a fucking hour Tommy might have a point anyways that is it remember cameo.com if you want me to make a personal video message roasting one of your friends

I'll make it on my phone you tell me what to say I'll send it to them I'll say happy birthday to mommy and daddy whatever you want I can make or break the day I'd rather break it

it's much more fun anyways you guys you guys think it I will say it we'll see you back here tomorrow, you Patreon members. Take care of yourselves. Bye-bye. guitar solo I'm out.