The Nick DiPaolo Show - Election Interference By Judge | Nick Di Paolo Show #1514

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Topless Natasha Leggero, Election interference, bushleague Bills fans and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Can I be happier? Yeah, yeah, who couldn't? Hi everybody, welcome to the show. Uh, what the fuck? Could I be happier? Yeah. I'm supposed to get on a flight at, you know, 312 this afternoon. It's late to 5. I've been doing this 36 years.

People go, why do you want to fly around? Now, between that and, you know, woke pilots. I'm telling you, man, bolts missing. We're doing a story. There's some bolts missing in a wing that a fucking passenger had to spot. You think they're kidding when they're hiring morons? It'll be getting like, it'll be, eventually it'll be like getting service at fucking Home Depot or Target. Eventually that'll be the airline industry.

Whatever the fuck. Anyways, watch me tomorrow morning. Is it tomorrow? No. Tomorrow morning and Thursday morning on Crowder. And don't forget tomorrow another edition of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Yes. Yes. What the fuck's happening? Today's the big day in New Hampshire.

I mean, pretty sure Trump is going to win. Although, like Dallas pointed out, Nikki Haley, you know, I don't know if it was a town, a district, I don't know how it works, but, you know, she took the whole fucking thing, I guess. All 10 people. All 10 people. Anyways, boy, the New York Post is, and again, owned by the same people that own Fox News. It is already, it's anti-Trump headline. It's going the way of Drudge Report almost.

It's really fucking gross to watch how this is happening. Anyhow, any he, let's get right to it, I guess. Fuck, I'm not going to. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Oh, no. In our Shut Up and Make Me a Sandwich tonight, comedian Natasha Leggero, by the way, who I like.

I don't know why I put this on. I'm a sexist pig, that's why. How many times have I said this about women? Not too many. She's pretty goddamn funny from what I hear on the radio. I don't know. Gave fans quite a show when she ditched her top at the start of her stand-up set at the Improv in Melrose in LA, where I've played many times. Of course she did. And this goes back to my theory that nothing to do with comedy. Any girl who's above a seven and has any boobage is going to show it on the internet. They talk about men's egos. Not that I'll top a woman's fucking ego. And if they got nice tits, they're going to show them.

This didn't bother her. I'm sure she's probably done them. Maybe she hasn't done them before. Anyways, if the boys can do it, why can't the girls? Is what she said before she did this. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. If the boys can't, why can't I?

She said that on stage the Hollywood improv and Leggero surprise reveal followed a fellow comedian Bert Kreischer, good guy, hugely popular on the internet. He always performed shirtless so she was going on after him that's his hook you know that he's always shirtless. Let me just say on after him. That's his hook, you know, that he's always shirtless. Let me just say something about Kreischer. He was voted the hardest partier or something like that at Florida State University. Yeah, yeah. Not a community college in Jacksonville, Florida State. So this guy, he got a movie out and shit. Good guy. You know, I don't get his stand-up. Who gives a fuck?

Whatever. Stand-up's not the end-all be-all. I've learned that now that I'm sitting here. What? Anyways, this is her following the shirtless Bert Kreischer. And if you're a guy in the audience at the show, the fuck I'd give her a tip after. Like a dirty whore.

Good. I am jealous of her husband because he gets to live with her and she is that f***ing hilarious. Ladies and gentlemen, Natasha Lucero. He's jealous because she's hilarious. Come on, Bert. I did this once. It didn't go well.

That's Burt laughing, by the way. Anyways, the Chelsea Lately. Why would you put that on there? She's way too funny for that. Look, nothing wrong with that. Who knows though, they pixelated her tits, maybe they're all scarred up and long and skinny. Chelsea Lately alarm calmly retrieved her jacket as she seamlessly transitioned into her first joke, without further mentioning her topless moment. And again, I'll say it,

probably went viral around the world 71 times. Whatever, so. You guys, when you come to Red Bank, I'm whipping my cock out because I'm following a six-month-old baby. He's going to whip his up first. Mamacita papadilla. Anyways, she's funny enough not to do shit like that. I get it.

She was in the fucking moment. Maybe she had a couple in her. Whatever. But Krysha, if we listen to the rest of the show, he's howling in the background. And he goes, now I got to take my pants off. Something like that. But whatever.

Again, every time I've heard her on the radio, I'm laughing. It's smart. It's funny. It's shitting on the radio, I'm laughing. It's smart. It's funny. It's shitting on her boyfriend in some of it. You know, it's, I don't know. Seems like a decent comedian. Nick, you're just saying that.

If she was fat, that's right. I'm glad you understand me. I wouldn't be. Anyways, let's move on. After further review, interference call. U.S. District Judge Louis Kaplan, oh my God, look at this greasy motherfucker. I can smell him from here. I guarantee no deodorant. Very smart, I'm sure. Presiding over E. Jean Carroll's defamation trial against former President Trump, postponed the trial on Monday, citing a juror's coronavirus illness until, when did he postpone it? Until Tuesday. Is today Tuesday? I'm all confused. Oh yeah,

I'm flying today. Yeah, until today. Well, why is that a big, well, it's the New Hampshire primary, the first one in the country. And so Trump will be in the courtroom, I'm guessing, and not New Hampshire. I never know a Trump. Who the fuck knows? He probably gave the guy the finger and jumped on a plane. The day of the New Hampshire Republican primary. The rescheduled trial on the day of the New Hampshire primary raises concerns that judges interfere.

You think? I just said to Dallas, these guys don't even know how to play dirty. They're so transparent about it. Or they're just that arrogant. Or they already know that Trump's going to jail. Again, it's fucking creepy. Anyways, it raises concerns the judge is interfering in the 2024 election. Can you imagine if it was the other way around and it was a fucking judge doing that to a Democrat?

You know the story. Anyways, here is Trump's attorney, the smoking Elena Habba, Habba, Habba, Habba, Habba, Habba, Habba. I wonder if she'd take her shirt off in court. Give the shirt. Yeah, here you go. I said before, they can't beat him. So they have to use, you know, corrupt methods. Lie, cheat, and steal.

I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern. Exactly right. I didn't mean to do that. I meant to do this. Delicious. Thank you. But she's right.

I cut that one short. But Judge Kaplan told the courtroom he would postpone the trial for at least one day after a juror put him feeling ill. We will take the day off, Kaplan said. You snotty little bastard. Trump was expected to testify Monday. Now he could appear in court on Tuesday, hundreds of miles away from New Hampshire. Trump's lawyer, Alina

Hama-Haba, asked the judge to postpone the trial until Wednesday to avoid Trump's absent in the Granite State. I would need his testimony to be Wednesday, Haba said. And the greasy judge said, no, no, this guy is not going to be president I'm making him stay What a scumbag Where does he find these lawyers by the way Ever notice that Trump's got a Harvard Pick an Ivy League school

Fuck that He don't like them broads He got I looked it up University of New Hampshire No I know Anyways Yeah you've watched Trump walk into a room, you know, when he's got his representatives with him.

He's got a heart of chicks and like if you fucking saw Drake bringing his posse into a room. Got to hand it to Trump for that. And boy, him and Vivek are getting very uh very friendly the last couple days up in new ham i get good vibes man i don't know again i said at least stefanik i'm hoping it's vivek but i picked her well you when you said it i think the next day i saw a headline saying that uh she would there was actually a serious consideration that moves towards stefanik yeah they were they mentioned her and four other people christy gnome too, too. Governor of, was it North Dakota? Fucking hot one, of course. Anyways, folks, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about, once again,

Joy Reid shows how she's the most ignorant person ever to graduate from Harvard, and we know that she's a sexist and a racist from past stuff on her social media years ago and she proves it once again and we'll show you that. Also stick around if you're a gay fella or a woman who enjoys a guy's nice ass, a male model in a bikini. Again not a trans. This is a, that guy's not a trans by the way. He's a male, he says he's a male model. And I get pissed because I looked at his ass like three times. What the fuck?

And then it roamed it for me. Anyways, disgusting. Delicious. Delicious. Thank you. Anyways, it's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now. Where do you do that?

At NickDip.com. That's where you do it. NickDip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to NickDip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to NickDip.com and click on Store. Again, that's NickDip.com, click on store.

Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Yeah, what a fucking, wait, wait till you see this. Oh my God. I didn't mention trans anywhere on the goddamn thing. Let's move on, shall we? I'm going too fast. I'm trying to milk it. Five o'clock funny I was excited I'm like I haven't been to Dallas in a while and I got up this one I was all depressed and anyways I don't want to say I'm unhappy with how making a living but I called the 1-800 number. You know that Asian guy in the back of a boat, that real estate magnet? Again, these are from

the 80s. Why am I mentioning that? I called that to see if I could get a job. Make millions from home. Bill's kicker. Oh, Bush League Bills fans is the headline. Bill's kicker Tyler Bass has deactivated his social media accounts after reportedly receiving online harassment and death threats for missing the potential game-tying field goal in Sunday's divisional round loss to the Chiefs. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. That is fucking ignorant, you people. I guarantee you, if you had a way of tracing those calls or those emails or whatever the fuck, whatever it was, those death threats, I guarantee you, none of them played sports in their life. I swear to God, at least 98% of them. You're just scum. You don't get it. You never will. You're the same guys that are yelling, he stinks, not just the kicker or whoever, and

you never carried a football or you fight, you know, because to you it's a video game, especially the younger generation. Not an easy kick outside in Buffalo, by the way, and I know it was windy out. They mentioned that. I couldn't remember if he was kicking into the wind or not. Not an easy kick by any stretch of the imagination. Of course, it doesn't make you feel good when you're... I understand all that. I couldn't remember if he was kicking into the wind or not. Not an easy kick by any stretch of the imagination. Of course, it doesn't make you feel good when you're bad. I understand all that. But that's sports, you idiots. You're going to threaten a guy's life. And the sad part is most of the people doing the threatening, they probably didn't even have money on the game. The gamblers

know how it works. They're like, ah, fuck. I'll cover it on the other end or whatever. But you know what I mean? Probably a housewife from Buffalo. The guy who invented Buffalo wings. I don't know. But folks, come on. Grow the fuck up, will you? I mean, this smells of Bill Buckner. Same thing, Red Sox. Christ, he had to move out of Boston. A little more understandable. Easy ground ball. No, I'm not. You got to grow the fuck up, guys. I mean, what in God's name? And he's a good guy, apparently. He likes cats, not the play. Bass like Scott Norwood. Again, this is why it touched a nerve. Scott Norwood, a few youngsters don't know, missed one right to win a Super Bowl against the Giants. And he had to fucking, I think he lives in, where, Bora Bora.

I don't know. But same shit. Once again, comes to the masses, the ignorance, the IQ goes up. And now with social media, we show that underbelly and people are proud to be ignorant. And they can do it anonymously, and you know the whole story. Guy doesn't deserve any of that. Bass, like Scott Nord before him, made a noose in his living room.

What? No. Missed wide right. Sunday's 27-24 loss to the Chiefs. And by the way, can I remind you people, in a game like this, it doesn't come down to just, you know there was a thousand plays that led up to this, where the the bills didn't score or did so don't you know i mean uh 27 24 loss to the chiefs uh adding another heartbreaking chapter to the bills futile postseason legacy and again for you youngsters you might not know that they went to the super bowl four years in a row and didn't win. Ouch.

Ouch, Marv Levy. Not just didn't win, got destroyed, at least by the Cowboys, two years in a row. Was it two years in a row by Cowboys? Beat them twice in a row? Yeah. They didn't get destroyed by the Giants. And I don't know by the other. And nobody cares about Dallas.

Fuck them. It was Dallas two years in a row? Went under Jimmy Johnson, I guess. Right? Yeah. Ultimately, you can put – and he's a class A. This is him talking, the kicker. You can put it on me, Beth, said.

I got to do a better job of keeping my target. I got to do a better job of playing it a little bit more left to right. Again, winning ball. We get so used to these guys. These kickers are so goddamn good today. They are. Even the bad ones are pretty good. It's so automatic. And a lot of the games are played indoors. So we get used to it. He says, I got to play it more left to right because there was winning ball. I've been playing here long enough to know you got to do that. It just didn't work out. I feel terrible. I love this team and this one hurts bad. And so does the giant black fist up my ass in the shower after the game. What?

And action. Some segments of Bill's mafia, why do they call themselves the mafia? I'll tell you why. Most of the mafia guys in New York City probably hide up there when they get drunk, have attempted to rally around Bass amid the vitriol by donating to the Ten Lives Club, a no-kill cat rescue in Blaisdell, New York, that Bass supports. Here he is choking the shit out of a kitten after he

missed the field. that Bass supports. Here he is choking the shit out of a kitten after he missed the field. The shelter, this was a little, at least a little hope for humanity. The shelter told USA Today it had received 646 donations for $14,760 as of Monday night.

And they said, the cat group, Tyler doesn't deserve any of the hate he's receiving. He's an excellent football player. He's a kicker. I don't call him a football player. And even, excuse me, better person who took the time to help our organization and rescue cats last year.

He said he loves pussy. Good night, everybody. Leave our friend alone, the organization said. And the Buffalo Mafia said, the brightest side of social media is shown in the $22 donations since Bass wears number two to the cat shelter for which he is an ambassador. So I just, what a statement on humanity. Let's kill the guy. Because I'm a fat slob, I'm in my 50s,

and I have my wife paint my face blue and red before I go to the game. Then I slug down 12 PBRs and suck a punch of lady in front of me for wearing a pussy hat. Oh, wait a minute. That made no sense. That guy would be on the show as a sidekick.

Can you imagine? Can you fucking imagine taking the time out of your day? Well, they killed a guy, remember? Somewhere in Europe, I think it was, soccer. Remember they killed a guy, remember? Somewhere in Europe, I think it was, soccer. Remember they killed a guy for, what did he, I don't know if he missed a penalty kick or he scored on his own net or whatever the fuck. Or was it the goalie? I don't know.

But anyways, they literally killed him. You can Google that. I didn't make that up. So just Bills fans, just know that you're that close do you see the uh chiefs fans that froze to death yeah i don't understand that story for the life i i i i should have i should have good point three chiefs fans they're at a party to watch the bills and the chiefs somehow they, they're found dead two days, two mornings later in the guy's backyard. Everybody had theories online.

You know, how do you not know the guy's cars are out front, blah, blah, blah. Again, they're going to get to the bottom of it. The big theory was they're probably doing drugs got it maybe fentanyl but the guy in the house not answering the door people about it banging on his door and everybody's saying well he was on a bender and the guy said i had my headphones on for two days and there was a loud fan yeah you need a fan when it's fucking 11 below uh so i won't get to the bottom of that one but can you imagine you have a party and you find three of your buddies dead? Something.

Something's weird. I'm blaming it on Bud Light. Shittle. I don't know. I can't explain that one. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the rest of this show. And everyone else, go to nickdip.com. Join to get my full show.

And obviously the great Steven Crowder's full show. He's got the whole lineup. He put it out there. The Hodge twins are, now they're all under the umbrella. Hodge twins, and again, Alex Jones on Fridays, the very funny Brian Callen. They got that undercover team who, apparently they did something big.

I'll find out when I get there. So everyone else, go to Nick dip calm get my full show and a whole lot more also when you're there click on the tour button and see the date right there personally I don't care if that's the first date I do imagine it'd be the biggest venue I do and I haven't done a comedy in eight months. Hi, how are you? Two Jews walking to a bar.

Hello? Hummus? No, Hamas. What? Get out of here. Again, May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey.

That's Mother's Day weekend. Bring her in. I'll re right back. guitar solo Bye.