The Nick DiPaolo Show - EPA Off The Rails | Nick Di Paolo Show #1354

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

Cardinals Guard Conrad Dobler Passes. Palestine (Ohio) Poisoned. Boise Looking to Ban Books. Whales Die From Wind Farms.   Join Nick for bonus content at Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow Go see Nick on the road! www.nickdip.com/tour for tickets!

🎵 Hi everybody, welcome to Filthy Wednesday. How you is? What it was? What it will be, you know what I'm saying? See you up in there. Uh-oh, retargeting! Hey, oh! Take it easy, what it will be, you know what I'm saying? See up in there? Uh-oh, retard alive! Hey, oh! Take it easy. Take it easy.

How you doing, folks? Any balloons over your house? Any documents in your fridge? What's going on? Any of Hunter's babies yours? Interesting family. Make the fucking Corleone family blush. Let me tell you something.

Let's get right to it because I'm burning up. I'm burning up. One minute I'm free. It's like I'm going through menopause. Or is it girly pause? I don't know what it is now. Since guys can have periods and babies and nice tits. I don't know.

Very confusing time. I see little kids like at the mall. I don't know. Very confusing time. I see little kids at the mall when I'm following them. I mean, what? I just see little kids, even like my nieces are having babies now. My nieces, my little nieces are now in their 20s having babies.

And I look at the poor kids. I don't have kids, but I understand politicians go, what about your fucking grand? What is going to be left of these? Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, I am a frito bandito. Before I get into the heavy shit, I want to pay tribute to a guy we call the Dobler, as in Conrad Dobler. We called him the Doberman when I was a kid.

He is known, they say, as the dirtiest guy to ever play in the NFL. That's why I used to laugh when they said that what's-his-name was. Who was the linebacker for the Broncos out of BC? White guy. Remember he's spitting Shannon Sharpe's face with somebody?

The fuck was his name? Polish last? How could I not remember that? Anyways, this guy played when I was like in fifth grade, and we couldn't wait to get to school on Monday to talk about what Conrad Dobler did. Because any time the NFL highlights at the end of Sunday would show him leg-whipping somebody

or punching somebody in the back of the head. I mean, almost every play. And he died at 72. Too young. But then again, you think probably roids i don't know maybe not but this just that eyebrow made him look nuts legendary cardinals guard conrad dobla again known as nfl's filthiest player during his era 72 on mond, he was beating up a Girl Scout. No. But he used to just,

he used to create havoc the minute he got on the field, you know. What's the idea? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. No cause of death was given. And again, I say his heart exploded. A bunch of rusty nails fell out of it.

Over a 10-year NFL career, Dobler embraced his role as protector, joining forces with the likes of future Hall of Famer Dan Dandorf. If you guys are my age, Dan Dandorf did, I don't know if it was Monday Night Football, every Sunday he was on for years. Yeah, that kind of a fucked up nose and a mustache. He was no angel himself. The Cardinals, unlike the faggy arizona cardinals were uh you know they were a team to be reckoned with back in the 70s and uh they were filthy and i loved them

for it you know me i was a raiders fan back then because the whole secondary were felons and john madden loved them anyways dared off to form one of the best offensive lines in history called the cardiac cardinals in 1975. I was 13, just getting hair on my pencil. They surrendered just eight sacks. Back then, that was a lead record. With Dobler embracing the task of keeping quarterback Jim Hart upright, no matter the means. And his slogan was this. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos. He's talking to the refs. Touch me and I'll kill you. He used to say, I'll do anything I can get away with to protect my quarterback. He told Sports Illustrated that in 77. Employing illegal tactics,

and they're not exaggerating here. Holding, that was the faggiest thing. Eye gouging, leg whipping, and biting among them. Among them. That's a guy you want protecting you. Fifth round pick out of Wyoming. Wyoming's like a decent football. Matter of fact, what's his name? Josh Allen? Right? Wyoming? I always confuse Wyoming with that other state, Montana, but Wyoming. Seriously, I do. A fifth round pick out of Wyoming, which wasn't really a football school back then,

so he had to be a... They must have looked at him on tape and said, this kid's fucking psychotic. In 1972, he was only 6'3", 254 back then. Like we were saying yesterday, Dallas, there's strong safeties that weigh 240 now. Dobler made three straight Pro Bowls.

He stunk when he came up, by the way. 1975 to 77 with the Cardinals before spending the final two seasons of his career like most people do with the Saints and the Bills. His role as a villain was one he embraced starring in a 1987 Miller Lite commercial that dubbed him

famous troublemaker as he riled up fans debating the beer's famous tastes great, less filling tagline. Here's some of his acting. When I played football, they called me a troublemaker.

But really, I'm just a nice guy who likes to watch a game with a Miller Lite. I see you're drinking Lite too. Yeah. It tastes great troublemaker. But really, I'm just a nice guy who likes to watch a game with a Miller Lite. I see you're drinking Lite, too. Yeah, it tastes great. I agree. But he drinks it because it's less filling.

It tastes great. Did you hear that? It's less filling. Pretty strong words. It tastes great. Less filling. Tastes great. Less filling.

Tastes great. There's no argument. There's only one Lite beer, Miller Lite. Is that a Lite beer you're drinking? Yeah, it tastes great. I agree, but that's not what he said. They could have used a bunch of... Today that would be, he says you should kneel for the Ash Lantham.

He says you're a fucking asshole. Anyways, our hearts go out to the... I know you guys are going, are you really paying... Yes, this guy was fucking... I had Dick Butkus in my room. Remember that poster of Butkus? He's sitting on the bench all muddy and he's got a bloody hand wrapped. Oh, you remember that, Dallas? I keep thinking Dallas is my age.

He's like, what are you talking about? I've seen these pictures, though. I know you have. You're a real historian. Our hearts go out to the family, friends, and former teammates of Conrad Dobler. Cardinals owner Mike Bidwell said, who probably didn't know who the guy is, you big bitch. He was the kind of tough, physical, fast player that you love to line up with as a teammate and hate to line up against as an opponent. On the field, Conrad was a big reason for the success

of the Cardiac Cardinals of the 1970s. Of course gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it. Of course, no mention of how he went. Once again, give me a fucking break, will you? You know it wasn't boring with him. He probably got in a nail gun fight in a construction. Anyways, yeah, he sort of sucked, Dan Darnoff said, when he came up, he was missing blocks and shit, but he got in fights with everybody on the team as a rookie.

During camp, he said he fought every fucking guy on the team. So they kept him around. See, that's what football's about, okay? You get that, you suburban soccer faggots? That's right. Well, he stinks as a player, but he fights. We keep him. We teach him.

They turn him into an all-pro. Speaking of fighting, Palestine poisoned. Not Palestine over there. Palestine keep them. We teach them. They turn them into an all-pro. Speaking of fighting, Palestine poisoned. Not Palestine over there. Palestine, Ohio. It's really, they're pronouncing it Palestine. I don't know goddamn why, but a train derailment about the 150th in the last two weeks, by the way. Take a look at this. And this is chemicals okay that's just cancer-causing agents I want people to lucky they weren't near the goddamn thing Breathe that shit in, Kevin. Look at that. Officials say it is safe for res... Yeah, officials from the what?

EPA? No, from the WNBA. For residents, they say it's safe to go back. Residents around... God, I can't even read this fucking thing. East Palestine, Ohio, to return home after train derailment released toxic chemicals to the environment nearly two weeks ago. However, the Environmental Protection Agency has warned contaminated soil may not have been disposed of properly. Nature, Will Robinson, nature.

Of course not. The government's involved. A broken axle. Yeah, sure. Broken axle. Yeah, sure. Broken axle. A broken axle rose was seen wandering around the accident site trying to get in the camera shot. Nearly 50 train cars, including 10 carrying vinyl chloride.

That's the only shit that was used in World War I as like a poison gas. When you burn it, something called phosphous or phosphonamide. I can get theidol comes out. Spiraling vinyl chloride, spiraling off the tracks on February 3rd. That's what the train was carrying. No one was injured in the accident, which is amazing. But hazardous chemicals spilled onto the ground. Three days later, the residents were ordered to evacuate while Ohio officials executed a controlled release vinyl chloride.

So they burnt it off, a controlled burn. And when you do that, I was listening to the TV laugh, it creates literally fucking, this shit is carcinogenic. Causes cancer. They did that to prevent an explosion, which sent thick clouds of poisonous smoke billowing into the goddamn air. They even interviewed a guy who helped do that, and he

goes, yeah, basically we nuked the town on chemicals, is what he said. Meanwhile, Pete Buttigieg is jerking his life partner. He was somewhere, and this happened, what, a few weeks ago, a week, over a week ago. He didn't comment on it.

The day the news broke, he was speaking somewhere saying, there's too many white construction workers when we do these, when we build these, you know, when we build these buildings in poor, we try to revitalize the poor neighborhood. The construction workers don't look like the people who, that's what he was whining about. This town here, I think 80% of it voted for Trump, and it's poor white people, so they don't give a fuck. Folks, the writing's on the wall. They fucking can't stand you.

East Palestine. They say Palestine. I like Palestine. Drums up more hate. Fire chief Keith Drabik said on February 7th that air and water testing showed it was safe for residents to return home. However, some of those who have done so have reported sick and dying animals in the area.

Taylor Holzer, who operates a dairy farm just outside the evacuation zone in East Palestine, told WKBN that several foxes he keeps have puffy and swollen faces, and it's not from him slapping them after they didn't blow them. And action. And one even got sick and died.

Good night until we meet again. Adios, au revoir, Five rail car tankers of vinyl chloride were intentionally breached. The vinyl chloride was diverted to an excavated trench and they burned it off. Areas of contaminated soil and free liquids were observed and potentially covered and or filled during reconstruction of the rail line, including portions of the trench slash burn pit that was used for the open burn off of vinyl chloride, the EPA wrote. It just sounds dangerous.

Norfolk Southern, I said Norfolk Southern, that's the train station people that own the choo-choo, told WBKN that in the company's initial response at the site, some soil was moved around. As workers moved equipment and began cleanup, we will continue to remediate the site, including the removal of soil to reach or exceed regulatory standards. Yeah, so I was watching the news last night. They interviewed the kid who had the foxes. Some of them just died. Then they interviewed a couple, a young couple, who just moved there like last May. And they evacuated like they were told to.

Then they came back when DeWine said it was safe. Of course, he comes on and says it's safe. He says, he goes, the minute we got into town, my eyes started burning. I got a headache, skin rash. Are you fucking, you can't live there unless you want your kids, like I said, to have three heads and four tails. And again, not a word from Joe Biden, not a word from jerk off. Let me ask you a question. Remember when Flint, Michigan had

dirty water and it was all Whitey's fault. Remember that? Are you seeing a pattern folks? it was all Whitey's fault. Remember that? Are you seeing a pattern, folks? This show should be getting huge ratings. Anyways, let's move on to cocaine. No. Hey, guys and gals, I'll be back on the road soon. Here's where you can see me. March 11th and 12th, I'll be

at the Comedy Club of KC. That's the home of Super Bowl champion Chiefs, Kansas City, Missouri. April 21, 22, the Funny Bone St. Louis and St. Charles, Missouri. May 12th, the Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, Daytona Beach, Florida. April 21, 22, the Funny Bone St. Louis and St. Charles, Missouri. May 12, the Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, Daytona Beach, Florida. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Just click on that tour button and you shall have it. My mother, my father.

Let's move on, shall we? Boise Book Band. Not really. Well, it's kind of weird. We live in weird times. Hey, did you see Chelsea Handler was trying out for The Daily Show? And then Sarah Silverman. Wow, they learned a lot, huh?

Learned a lot from going into the tank. And like I said, Trevor Noah's actually a decent dude, but, you know, P.U., not a funny bone in his body. Just saying. But, you know, South African, right color, perfect accent, identity, rich. Me, brilliantly funny. Get the fuck out of here, you old white fuck. That's my wife talking to me. What? Boise Book Band. A new Idaho bill will open schools and public libraries to lawsuits for allowing minors to obtain books, films, and other media that depict sexual content deemed offensive. deemed offensive. Now, of course, you can already hear the libs and the transgender and the dick suckers and carpet munching, ass licking goo goblers going,

who says what's offensive? I don't know. You guys decide what disinformation is. Let the conservatives have a crack at it. How about that? How about we don't do everything you fucking say? Although that girl looks fine from behind. Probably a guy named Dave.

That's the gender studies makeup section. The legislation from Rep. Jerron Crane, Republican Nampa, that's Tampa with an N, it's kind of a racist joke, would allow

parents to sue schools. I love it. Oh, it's kind of a racist joke. Would allow parents to sue schools. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

And libraries. How are you going to sue a library? What are you going to get out of them? Fucking Charlotte's Web? If employees... The Dewey Decimal System. Employees gave their... If libraries. Employees gave their child harmful material, or if the institution failed to take reasonable steps to restrict access to harmful materials

for minors. You know what they're going to say. We didn't even know those books were there. Somebody slipped them in. The bill mirrors a current Idaho law that prohibits giving children under 18 a handjob or a quick tug, and we're out. No. There's a law already given children under 18, if you do that, harmful material that features nudity, sexual conduct, sexual excitement, or say to masochistic abuse when it's lewd or patently offensive to prevailing standards among adults. So that's already against the law. Sexual conduct, that's in quotes, under the law includes depictions of masturbation, homosexuality. Oh boy, wait till the queers hear about this.

You're saying that's deviant what we do? I have no comment. I just know I put my prick in a can of Hershey's once and I didn't get a baby. Sexual intercourse and physical contact with genitals and female breasts. That sounds quite... It does. Thank you. Seeing as these public schools and community libraries are funded by Idaho taxpayer dollars, it's in the best interest of our state that these institutions make a reasonable effort to restrict access to children when it comes to these materials and libraries, Crane told the House State Affairs Committee on Monday. Currently, schools, libraries, colleges, universities, and museums are exempt

from the law barring the distribution of harmful materials to minors. That has to change. Although in this day and age, does anybody go to the library? You go online and you want to read a book. Last year, the Idaho House, you know who goes to libraries? Not homeless guys, the jacket on the computer. I see them in there all the time, getting my fucking coat all dirty. Last year, the Idaho House passed a bill that would have removed the exemption and made employees

of those institutions liable for criminal penalties. They're trying. Again, folks, all a distraction. Balloons, trains, distraction. Biden over here, compromised by the Chinese, who, by the way, are building up their military. And this Gordon Chang guy, who is Chinese, but he's a professor over here, studies Chinese,

and he's like, they're preparing for war. Those filthy little fucking poodle killers. Senate Republicans declined. It didn't happen because Senate Republicans declined to hold a hearing on the bill, effectively killing it. Crane's bill creates civil rather than criminal liability for schools and libraries. Hit him in the wallet.

A guardian of a child who was able to obtain harmful material from a library, get this, or a school can claim $10,000 in statutory damages for each instance the material was obtained so i say we push that through but you know they'll be picketing in front of the courthouse you're out of order you're out of order the whole trial is out of order you're out of order don't you care, Arthur? The bill, by the way, folks, it's a bill. If you guys used to watch Fraggle Rock, what was it? Schoolhouse Rock. Schoolhouse Rock, very good. And I'll tell you who sang that song, Conjunction Junction.

You remember that, Dale? Oh, yeah. Guy named, I'll make it up, Dave. No. Jack London, I think is his name. He was the band leader for Merv Griffin. He had that smoky voice. Anyways, a little fun fact, you people in your late 90s. The bill allows legal defense. It's not a law yet, folks. It has a bill. It allows legal defenses if the school or library employee has reasonable cause to believe the person obtaining harmful material was 18 or older. Yeah, how does that work when you hit on a girl like Ragin' Bull? Remember?

She was like 15. He grabs a license from the cop. Let me ask you something. Let me ask you something. Does she look 15 to you? Anyways, material. So anyways, you can't get in trouble if you're a librarian and they, you know, they rule.

Yeah, I would have thought the kid was 18 and Buddha. Or if the minor obtaining the material had permission from a guardian. Well, how's that going to solve anything? The perverts are going to send their kids in there to stock the shelves that aren't against this shit. That's what I'd do if I was fighting back. You know what I'm saying?

Anyways, well, they're making an effort, or they're pretending to make an effort. Can I say that much? Anyways, finally tonight, right? Is it time? Lips eating lips in our lips eating lips segment tonight. There's a lot of lips eating lips lately.

But then there's people on the right fucking smacking each other around too. Give me all the Marjorie Taylor Granger gut. That's what I say. Give me the Tom Cottons. Give me the... I still haven't seen anybody do anything far right. I mean really far right. Like say, no, we're not hiring gays anymore in schools to

teach. See, that would be outrageous. That would be considered outrageous. But it's really not, after you consider all the horseshit that's going on. But if you said that, you're done. I'm not done. Nobody sees this. The third dead whale

was discovered in the green room at The View. That's right. Whoopi Goldberg has passed. The third dead whale was discovered in less than a week off the southeast coast of Virginia, miles from coastal Virginia, offshore wind, one of the two sea wall, one of the two operational wind farms in federal. Look at that poor whale and these environmental jerk offs with their windmills. This is happening along the coast a lot. Now, look at this whale, though.

I guess I should feel sorry. He's not in shape. Y'all fat fuck. Look at you. Look at that. What a disgrace. Things are fucking. isn't this ironic, huh, folks? The hippy-dippy fucking save-the-earth shit would kill you if you did something to a whale while you were fishing.

Putting up giant fuck. What are they doing? What in God? Over the weekend, a critically endangered North Atlantic right whale. That's why the Republicans are involved. It's a right, R-I-G-H-T whale, was discovered washed ashore near Cheeks Beach, I'll call it Chick's Beach, which is located in Virginia Beach, Virginia, the National Ocean and Atmospheric Administration confirmed. Two Fox News on Monday. According to local news outlets, there was no immediate cause of death. I'm guessing, you know what?

You know what? Vaccine. I'm telling you, vaccine. And the whale didn't appear to have any entanglement marks. Huh. They did find three bottles of whiskey in its blowhole and an eighth of coke, which wouldn't do anything. The discovery of the beached right whale is wrong. No. Came just two days after a humpback whale, those poor things never get late, was found dead at a shopping mall in St. Louis. How it got in the fucking one potato is beyond that.

No, it was found dead along the shoreline in Cape Charles, Virginia. And five days after a dead humpback whale was found off the coast of First Landing State Park in Virginia. Okay? What the fuck? He's gone.

What are you doing? I couldn't do nothing about it. These big, beautiful creatures. And this is right near the area where they're trying to put up the fucking windmill farms. And they're killing these creatures. You couldn't get any more ironic. People who want to save the planet. NOAA has recently reiterated that an unusual mortality event along the East Coast

has been declared for both the humpback whale and Atlantic right whale species. The dead whales are the latest to be discovered along the east coast over the last several weeks. At least 10 other whales have been found on beaches in three other states, with most coming in New Jersey. They thought there were four in New Jersey. One of them turned out to be Chris Christie swimming. Good night, everybody. In light of the uptick in whale deaths, local officials, lawmakers, prostitutes, and midgets,

and conservationists have called for an immediate moratorium on all offshore wind development, arguing the construction in seismic testing. What is that? You know, Dale? I don't even... I know it in seismic testing. What is that? You know, Dale? I don't even...

I know it's seismic when it comes to earthquakes. Yeah, I think it's exactly that to see if they're able to actually put it in hand. Some type of vibration and it kills them. Yep, because of the sonar. Yeah, sonar. That's the word. Testing associated with offshore wind farms may be harming marine life.

I had a wind farm. Boy, 4,000 acres, raising wind, up early milking the Gus. It's a hard life, you know what I'm saying? Tilling the whale fat. I'll tell you, the federal government has a responsibility to ensure the Jersey Shore's environmental viability. And, well, then stop letting Italian girls with giant hair spray go in the water and destroy all the

turtles. And any projects that may affect not only whales, but broads under 250. But the broader marine ecosystem and the economy it sustains must be comprehensively reviewed I hate that word you know what that means 12 years of jacking your meat not doing anything reviewed before allowed

to proceed Smith continued then you got Republican Jeff Van Drew. What a great name that is. He must have been a military guy. Twelve mayors representing coastal New Jersey communities and a coalition of environmental groups led by Clean Ocean Action have joined on calls for a moratorium, which I think is very reasonable. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore! I mean, at a minimum.

And why are you doing that moratorium on those wind farms? How about a moratorium on both legal and illegal immigration for the next 50 years? Little did Ted fucking... I know I digress here, Ted Kennedy, little did he know he's opening the floodgates. Well, he probably did. Libcock sucker, I get what's coming to him. That was a brain tum. It wasn't even fun. All the other Kennedys are fun when they go fucking hitting trees on slopes. Falling on a fucking, fucking mini planes on a wedding night. And like I said, I've said this a million times, nobody knows about Sean Kennedy.

Lost in a pillow fight in 1970. Fucking made of glass, that bitch. Anyways, that's all I got for you kids today. Hope you all have AIDS. Good night. No. Anything else? I think that does it. I did the math and it came out to 102 it's got to be at least 30 okay oh people whine they don't say anything when I do 38 though they ain't go thanks for that it's like comedy club onus hey you went a little under yeah but last show I did an hour and ten. You asked for 55.

Any pat on the back for that? No, fucking jack jock. All right, that is it. It's all I can think of. Don't forget Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a relative or a friend, go to Cameo.com. You guys think and I'll say it. You're so welcome.

We'll see you back here tomorrow for the final day of the week, right? All right. Bye-bye. Hi. Good night, everybody. tomorrow for the final day of the week right right bye-bye hi good night everybody I don't know. guitar solo Outro Music