The Nick DiPaolo Show - Estee Palti | Nick Di Paolo Show #1567

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo interviews Estee Palti!  Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder��� show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Those were some tough Jews. That was a line from The Sopranos. Sidney Pollack, I think, delivered that. I always confuse. It might have been somebody else. Don't quote me. Anyways, welcome to the show. Got a great treat for you today.

You know, I think our biggest guest might have been, well, we had Don Trump Jr., who's probably our biggest, but Ted Nugent, a fucking hero of mine. We've had a few, but this one's even bigger. Bigger. I'll give you a hint. She's retarded. She laughs like a mental case.

She likes yellow buses. She's all fucked up. I can't believe we've got her on the show. I just, Dallas, I didn't know you had these connections. Were you hanging out at a divorcee bar? How'd you hook this up? We have the vice president, the current, the sitting vice president of the United States, Kamala Harris. And there she is.

Vice president, thank you. Hi, Nicky. How you doing? Thank you for taking the time. I know you're busy making lunch for Joe and vacuuming and shit like that. Great to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. I just changed his diaper, so we're all set for a few minutes. I thought he'd get rid of the diaper. Is he still in diapers? He's back on now that the election is looming. He's shitting himself on a regular basis.

now that the election is looming, you know, he's shitting himself on a regular basis. Oh, God, this is going to be great. I had no idea she was this funny. Hold on. Excuse me. I have throat cancer. So does Joe. Yes, I noticed. My God. What is...

I can't believe... Hey, let's get right to it. First of all, as far as what's going on with you, I read yesterday there was some fight between a couple Secret Service guys at... What was it? Joint Base Andrews right outside of D.C. there. And they were fighting, and it had something to do with you.

What exactly... And honest to God, I'm not kidding. I didn't read the rest of the story because I hate you so much. Go ahead. there and and they were fighting and it had something to do with you what exactly and honest to god i'm not kidding i didn't read the rest of the story because i hate you so much go ahead you know i'm kidding i can call you right you can vice for anything you want vice president all right so you know back in my montel days we dated a little bit and you know i get on my knees here and there and he got upset because he saw me with someone else. And, you know, we had a couple of drinks and that was it. You know, we just, I tried to unburden what has been. But it hit the press before I can really contain it.

But, you know, it's the Kamala magic. Montel was involved in this fight with the Secret Service guys? Oh, Montel was always involved. You know, he gave me my head start. If it wasn't for him and a couple of knee pads, I really wouldn't be in office right now. I noticed you have a certain affinity for the Black Snake. You got Willie Brown, who was the San Francisco mayor. I think that really helped propel you to where you are today, correct?

You know, I don't want to tell all the secrets, right? But a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. Yeah, don't be ashamed. I mean, as I say about black penises, you know, they're getting rave reviews on Yelp. So, you know, you go with the best is what is what I'm saying. What's funny is I settled for Dougie. But, you know. Yes.

Yes. Dougie. Yeah. What's Doug's full name? That's your husband you're talking about. I have no fucking idea. Didn't you? Hold on. Dougie's your husband. And didn't. Am on dougie's your husband and didn't am i not mistaken during covid you kissed him you both had masks on

if i remember i feel like jill kisses him i don't kiss him do you remember when jill and him smooched i haven't let him touch me since then because she kisses Biden and I can't do that. State of the Union they kissed. That's right. And they've kissed a dozen other times as well, just off camera. You know, Jill gets freaky too. Why don't you straighten that bitch out? She's moving in on your man.

I don't like it. You know what? With Hunter as her son, she's got enough problems. Okay. That is a great. Have you. That's a great segue. Have you met Hunter Biden personally? Yeah, we party all the time, Nicky.

Who do you think brings the drugs? We found out who left the bag and the skiff. Wow. So you're in.... Let me tell you, people, you know, they're not very happy with you. You were assigned,

you were the border czar. And you kind of, I don't know. Look, the vice president has a lot of stuff to do. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. But it seems to me...

Look, I don't understand what all this commotion about the border is. Hang on a second. I want to explain something to you and the viewers. Absolutely. I was literally told to ignore the border crisis. And that's what I've done. And I've done a fantastic job. Okay.

They're real people in charge. They want that shit wide open. And that's exactly what I've accomplished. So let's set the record straight. That was on purpose. All right. We need to win somehow. Four more years. Let's go. So you weren't incompetent. You were just following marching orders from. I'm incompetent.

But that was, you know, that was on purpose. I have the lowest approval rating of all vice presidents or presidents. I think we're in the negative rating, right, Nikki? Yes. Yes, you are, as a matter of fact. I didn't know you could go negative. I can go low in all departments. You know what I'm saying?

Yes. The word is out there. That is true. What's the best part about um working you and joe biden uh what's the best part about working with this guy you know he some the best part about joe i can't really the best part about joe is that eventually eventually i am going to be able to successfully take over. He's going to fall down Air Force One any day now,

and he's not going to be able to survive all those tumbles. So the best part about him is that he's dying. Okay. I think he actually died already. We have a, you know, we have a weekend at Bernie's situation going on between us. You know,

don't tell Nancy I told you, but he's been dead a long time that's the best part about him somebody's got to tell him why don't you tell him i i can't stand him so much and i'm not gonna be honest i'm not a huge fan of yours but uh anything will be better than this mummy uh you seem pretty sharp last ladder i have to climb to get to the top nick Nick. I'm not telling him. Are you going to help him down the stairs? Let's put it that way, as Tony Soprano would say. Are you going to help him down the stairs, if you know what I'm saying? Sorry, Nick, I lost you there for a second.

Are you going to help him down the stairs, wink, wink, like Tony Soprano? I'm going to help him unburden what has been for sure. Do any of you know what that means yet? Because I have no fucking idea. I just keep saying it over and over. It sounded perfectly. What's your obsession? We're talking with the vice president camilla hair am

i saying it right because i've heard you butcher your own name is it camilla camilla i say that's how retarded i am i do forget how to pronounce the name but i think it's kamala i think it's kamala kamala hyena whatever either or um let me ask you a question. As far as all this, I don't know, where's all this white supremacy that your boss had been spewing about? It was the biggest danger to democracy. Guys like me, old white guys, domestic terrorists, it's the biggest threat to them. We're not witnessing that right now.

Is that true? Did you help him make that shit up? It's very, very disappointing to see that kind of lying coming out of the White House. I mean, it's right from the Dem playbook. It's, you know, Obama's really the one that's pushing all this shit. We just follow along whatever he says. He promises Joe ice cream. And, you know, I'll get I'll get the big seat and I'll be first woman president. And then when we destroy this country, then I'll be happy. Well,

you're doing a good job of that. Uh, he is. I mean, if that's his goal, you got to give him a job. Oh my God. What's left.

What is left? Miss Mrs. Miss Ms. Vice president. I know what the fuck to call these people. Excuse my language. Vice president. Um, whore. No, stop that. You can Ms. Vice President. I know what the fuck to call these people. Excuse my language. Vice President. Whore.

No, stop that. You can't talk like that. Yeah. What's your obsession with Venn diagrams? It just helps, you know, it helps put everything together with all the incompetency we have between, you know, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jean-Pierre, whatever the fuck her name is, and Joe and trying to get her to deliver these addresses as press secretary, we really have to dumb it down. Okay, now the people that like us are mentally incompetent. They're all unstable. They usually have blue hair. This is all for them. They ride short yellow school buses and we need to dumb down the voting process for

them in order to have them help all the migrants coming over right now so that we can just create a one party solution. That's that's really what we're trying to do here, Nikki. But like I said, don't tell anyone. We're not obvious at all. Yeah. And the second half of the show, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be talking to the woman you just saw doing a great Kamala Harris, Estee Paltey. And really funny.

I was wondering, I'm like, okay, impression, whatever. I noticed the jokes are funny when I saw the impression online. That's why. And she was even better in the serious conversation we had about the current things going on in the world. Because she's Jewish and it's very relevant. And some of it was intense. And she's really funny and entertaining.

So that's in the second half of the show. That's if you're on Mug Club. If you're not, join now at nickdip.com and you can see that. Now back to Esty. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store.

Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Well, Biden said he was going to be one of the most transparent administration. And I think you guys are actually. I don't think you mean to be. You're just terrible at lying.

Well, that's why they don't really that's why they don't let me speak, because I really am transparent. They don't let me do anything. They send me to the border and they make me stand there and they make me stand there by the gates and the gates are open. And I guess that's all they want me to do. You know, I'm just unburdening what has been. You're like a ticket ripper at lowest theaters. You just stand by the gate. Oh, my God. How dare they? That's sexist. They should give you more to do. Yeah. You mentioned I remember during the debates, I thought it was ironic that he picked you as his vice president, because during the debates, you guys banged heads.

He said something, and you mentioned a little girl on a school bus. He was being kind of racist. Do you remember that? I do remember that. And you guys end up together. Is there still friction because of that? Or do you guys put that behind you and you'll do anything to get the big seat? I mean, I can't fucking stand them. I'll do anything.

You hit it on the money. Yeah, how much time do you spend together? They, you know, at the beginning, you're like, these guys are inseparable. But really, how many times, how much do you see him a week, Monday through Friday? What would you say?

I try to make those interactions as, I try to make those interactions as short as possible. If Jill is busy, then they have me swap in, change a diaper, throw some baby powder on him, and that's it. We really can't spend more than about 15 minutes together. He's narcoleptic. He falls asleep as he stands. He walks off. Imagine, that's his title, most powerful guy in the free world. Are you shitting me? Guy couldn't run a lemonade stand. You know, people have a trouble when you laugh. I'm a comedian.

I have no trouble with it. I would wish like you were in the front row and I had a Letterman audition 20 years ago. But I think it's contagious, you know, like an STD. I don't know why people have a problem with it. I know all about STDs, Nick. It's okay. Well, you bang a lot of black guys. Not surprising. Speaking of that,

you may... Lisa Lampanelli used to bang a comedian. I think you're familiar with her. A very famous female comedian. No, we're good friends. She used to sleep with nothing but black guys. I said once that after her last pap smear, they solved 1,200 cold cases in Los Angeles here. Maybe the greatest joke I ever wrote. Those are rookie numbers, Nick. Come on. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Well, I think I've taken up enough of your time what else do I got you mentioned Obama I'll end on this you mentioned Obama being behind a lot of this stuff and first of all have you ever met Michelle and what does she think of you I don't know who Michelle is I only know Big Mike who's Big Mike

who is Big Mike Nick who is big mike nick a lot of people think michelle's a man um how about personal experience i don't want to give a lot away but are you attracted to obama you seem to like the the doctor. I like Michael. I'm sorry. How about me? I'm just catching on now. I'm Michael Michelle. It's been a long week. Yeah, Michael's got a neck on her like a fullback from Notre Dame.

I guess that's about all. What's coming up? How do you see this election playing out, Vice President? Apparently all these polls, Joe and Trump are neck and neck. I don't understand how that is. If you take a look at all the anti-Semitism, all the crime going on, gas, inflation, everything you guys, no offense if touched, has turned to shit.

Do you still think you're going to pull out this election? Well, you know what we're going to do? We're going to do what we did in 2020, and we're going to have an even bigger summer of love. And when we get mail-in voting in there, we're going to get all the cemeteries riled up because that's the only fucking way that that man is going to beat Trump in the 2024 election. Right. Vice president is no other way. We plan to cheat and that's what we're going to do. And that's what we've been doing. Did you cheat last time? Can I ask you that? What do you think, Nick?

What do you think, Nick? I don't know. I mean, after listening to the MSNBC and CNN, I don't know. I'm really, I thought you did, but they say no. So whatever they say, as you know, you guys are tight with them. Hey, Ms. Vice President, Mrs. Vice President, Ms., whatever the fuck, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to do this show. I have all the time in the world. I don't do anything but

sleep and change diapers. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, we don't see much of you at the border, but you have been to Europe. All right. I actually haven't been to Europe yet. When I get there, then maybe I'll consider the border. Well, thank you, Vice President.

And I hope we do this again. I hope so, too. Beautiful. Thank you for having me. All right. We'll end it there. All right. Esty, I just, I don't understand.

You're not a stand-up comic? Esty? No, I'm not. I'm a not a stand-up comic? Esty? No, I'm not. I'm a nurse that happens to be funny as hell. Jesus. I guess. I mean, I'm serious. I know.

I've been doing this forever. And that's why I had you on, because, yeah, dead-on impression. But I say impressions are only as good as the material. And mother of God. You know, I watch the clips, and this is funny. Thank you. And I of God, I, you know, I watched the clips and I, this is funny. So, and I'm very picky. So yeah, I'm looking up your bio and I'm thinking I'm going to read Second City TV, improv, whatever the shit. And I see mother, nurse, three kids. Can you, can you imagine having a nurse like that? Are you that funny when you're, wait, where do you work?

First of all, what hospital? No, I, so I left the hospital system. I'm currently remote, which allows me to kind of do the whole social media thing. I work in administration now. But when I was working with my patients, I think I was shooting the shit and cracking jokes more than actually taking care of them. It's just like my personality. I just love it. See that? That's what happened to me. My day job out of college, I had half the salesmen in my office, twice my age, shit in their pants. And every time there was a, they'd be late for a conference call, the owner would come in and say, are you fucking around with these guys again? And to the point where I'm like, you know, I started doing open mics right then. And I said, see ya. But i couldn't believe that like you didn't have a comedy background and stuff um so now you're working remotely because yeah i work remote

yeah how do you like that uh and uh you know it's a very it's it's a pretty tedious job it's just a lot of quality assurance just uh guidelines and protocols for the it's the administration side so there's really no patient care anymore uh but that allows me to do the content creation thing full time as well. So I kind of do both at the same time. Do you, let me ask you this, as far as DEI spilling over into the medical world, I feel like I'm still interviewing the vice president. I can't, I'm kind of in, did you see any of that spilling into your, you know, DEIs moving into hospitals with a sort of priority on who they're going to take care of? Do you see any of that as far as administratively?

No. Not yet? I wouldn't say that for my company because we're private, but I mean, I have friends all in the medical field and they definitely see it. They definitely see it. One of my friends, she worked at Northwell for a little while and she was explaining how they had to take like these little modules to learn like the pronouns and to be more sensitive to the culture and to the language. So things like that do make their way

into these, you know, into these hospitals. But again, I think this clown show, it's just everywhere. I think it goes everywhere from the medical world to corporate anywhere. I think it's just wherever you look, especially in blue cities. I'm in New York. So it's really, it's, it's big here. Yeah. It's well, I tell people, you don't really, you're, you're experiencing a cultural revolution. It is going to, it's invasive. Every part of our society, people don't seem to understand that this is all intentional. People are going, why are they doing this? Why are the Republicans doing it? First of all, half of them are in on it. And secondly, this is a cultural revolution, not a couple arguments.

How do you explain what's going on? You're Jewish, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how do you explain the fucking hatred that's going on in these college campuses? I mean, it's obviously all on purpose. I see the university,

I see the countries that have been gifting money for the past 12 years to these universities, and it goes all the way up from Qatar, and it goes all the way down, and it's all in the, you know, in the Middle East, and they're funding these universities. They're giving gifts to these universities, so you have to follow the money. Obviously, they're, you know, these are complete shams. It doesn't make any sense that we have young kids in Ivy League schools that really just exposed all of these Ivy Leagues for being absolutely moronic. Yes. Because they're teaching terrorism. Yes.

And if you look at these students, you know, I walk the streets of Manhattan. Why is it that they all somewhat look alike? All of these encampments are the same color, same model, same make, same year. It's bullshit. Everybody with common sense and decency understands that this is all funded by terror it's just unfortunate that the young people they they gobble it up and they're exposing their true hatred it's really it's really bad hey uh guys for those of you on mug club stick around for the second half of the show um well i'll be talking to esty pelty everyone else go

to nickdip.com join to get my full show steven crowder's full show and a whole lot more and while you're there click on the tour button to see where i'm going to be may 10th two shows at soul joe's comedy club potstown pennsylvania and of course on may 11th mother's day weekend count basieie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. So hope to see you guys out there. Now back to more with Esty. Hi. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down

Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, no I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed Like everybody else

And I don't wanna get a job Like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I see you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else Baby