The Nick DiPaolo Show - European Soccer Fans Love America! | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1917

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Bills Say "No" to OJ, An Expensive "Trip" in San Diego, Citizen Vigilante Film Banned in Germany, Bill Maher On World Cup, Hitler Makes Middle School Yearbook and Doggy Daycare Firework Therapy! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Welcome to the show on a Monday from the great state of Georgia. It's about 111 out there, folks, and it's, you know, it's hot out. It's late in the day. Welcome to the live lineup where it's free shows all day. And if you want to watch ad-free shows, join Rumble Premium. Don't forget to follow my thing. It's a channel. And download the Rumble appetizer.

It is fucking tremendous. Today I'll be talking about all kinds of horseshit. Nobody gives a fuck about it. Oh, fuck it. Let's not do the show. What are we talking about today? We're talking about the bills say no to OJ. An expensive trip to San Diego.

Some guy cashed in, but you're going to see what he did to fucking earn that money. There's a movie out that I guess Crowder, of course, he's always a week ahead of everybody, already reviewed, called Citizen Vigilante. It's been banned in Germany and I don't know why. They will show you a scene from it, like the best, one of the best scenes I've seen in a movie. And they should spread it. It should be an instructional film in Germany.

Bill Maher had a great monologue about the World Cup and how the people coming over here just love America. And they're apologizing and all that, you know, blah, blah, blah, too bad at soccer fans, but hey, whatever. That's about it, I guess. We got, we got only in California, well, not only in California, but I'm guaranteed started there. They have therapy for dogs. They had bed and breakfasts for dogs. That was in my act, my second year in comedy. There was hotels for dogs.

Bucket hotels for dogs. Leave a liver snap onto your pillow. Yeah, so we get a lot to talk about. Hitler's in the news, too, but not the world. way you'd think. But when I was researching that, I actually stumbled over some Mussolini shit. Did you ever hear what, after he was dead, and his body laid with a bunch of other fucking, you know what, nuts. I'm going to say fascist, but I don't have a problem with right kind of fascism. Anyways, his body, he was dead with about 10 others, and they left

them out in some fucking parked or somewhere. And all the people came. out. I mean, you know, regular Italians who had to live under this guy. And they were a little perturbed. And the guy's describing what they did to Mussolini. One guy kicked him and he was dead, but one guy kicked him in the jaw so hard his eye popped out.

His left eye popped out of his fucking head. Another guy cracked his head open. My favorite one, a lady came out, squatted over and peed in his face. Those Italians, I'll tell you. You goddamn guineas really make me laugh.

Oh, and another one stuck a mouse in his mouth and said, yes, give us a speech now. And I'm forgetting a few other things they did. But how about that? And, of course, I always had this reference about him hanging up. Oh, that's, it was King of Queens. Arthur, he was a World War II vet, whatever. And he said, I have a picture with me in Mussolene. Of course, he's upside down.

And I'm like, and then I was like, oh, yeah. They fucking hung him, again, after he was dead, upside down by his heels. And you know where they did it? They hung them at a gas station because the people were abusing all the bodies and it was getting to be like a mob. So they had to put the bodies where they couldn't reach them. So they hung them like on a gas. It looked like a fucking gas station you'd see New Jersey, you know, off the highway.

You know, where the pumps are under a little roof. You got to love history, as long as you're not making it. And being a dick about it. Real quick, before I forget, tomorrow will be running a second part of an interview we did with the great Lee Priest. We did it a while ago, and it was in the bank, and as you know, I'm jumping on a plane and whatnot, to go do Crowder. So you got Lee Priest interview tomorrow. Watch me on Crowder Wednesday and Thursday, and then I return and go on vacation. So according to Dallas's math, and he's usually right.

right on with the shit. I'm back on July 13th. That's right. Of 2029. Enjoy. I call it a vacation. I have to drive from Savannah to Boston and beyond because the fucking wife panics on a plane all of a sudden. You know, we flew for years. One little mishap. The guy did a barrel roll. A couple of people that hurt. Now she shits her pants. Fucking puss. Anyways, yeah. So in the car, we're just going to break it out. up and the, you know. But I go, what are we going to fucking look at? Going up the East Coast of Delaware, have a cemetery you want to see?

Some shit. So, I don't know. As usual, I start with my Red Sox. How about them? These fucking weirdos. Yankees came to town for four games. And socks swept them. They have got Dallas, they have got the best pitch in in the last two weeks.

that nine quality or ten quality starts in a row, it said? Which, like, they haven't done, a lot of teams haven't done forever. I mean quality stuff. Sunny Gray had a no hitter going into the eighth last night. Sox go into the ninth, Dallas, up two nothing. They blow the lead. Goes into extra innings. Yankees get two.

Now we're like, it's over. It's fucking. No. Fucking socks come up and fucking do it. They get three runs. It's so, and I'm telling you how young this team is. It's even younger than I was saying that at the beginning of the year, because some of these young guys got hurt.

And now we're bringing up even younger guys. And they're the ones bringing all this energy and playing like they've been in the league forever. At least this weekend they did, you know. Got this guy Siegel, like a good looking kid, second baseman. I mean, he's making plays like he's not even fucking nervous. I already got a home run. Got a guy at shortstop, a Korean kid named Cheng. The fuck did he come from?

Everybody's hurt. And, you know, people are going, well, they caught the Yankees at the right. Well, you caught us at a good time. We're missing three, four superstars. So you can't use that. It was our fucking B team against your B team. Not even your B team. You're missing Judge and fucking the other Schmoke,

who I think so overrated Stanton. Anyway, swept them. And again, In Boston, it doesn't matter what your record is. But here's the other thing. I don't think they had won four games in a row. I'm almost done, folks, I know. I don't think they won four games in a row this year, not wines.

And we have the worst record at home. And we turned all that around against the Yankees? What the fuck? Picked up four games. And now we're like five out of the fucking wild card spot. So, which is kind of making me mad. I don't want, I want to see a fire sale. even though they've got a ton of

I don't know where to get in these motherfuck I really don't the pitching and I'm talking this kid Jake Bennett he shut him out for like six innings we have all these lefties that are rookies that are

kid made the club out of a camp out of spring training this kid Connor earlier one of our best pitches kid Jake Bennett oh and I'm forgetting the best guy six foot six 288 pound I don't even know his first name

his last name's Tully He's got a mustache like Larry Zonka fullback Yeah, you guys Anyways, it looks like a football It looks like a lineman pitch it And he throws nothing but smoke And I'm like, they're going to catch up to him

But now he's developing a little junk And fucking saying What I just witnessed the last couple weeks It's like, oh And You know, the third baseman Durbin that we got Was hitting 168 for the first three months

But he was playing great defense he was getting a few booze at the plate. He's been our hottest hitter for the last month now. He went from 168, now he's 238. 234. With five home runs in that span. And it's fucking weird.

It is so, this is why I'm fascinated my sports. Anyways, that's that's. Wake up. I know. I don't blame you. Oh, on the way here I see a black guy. He looked like he's 55. Fucking shredded. sitting there fucking sparring with himself

on the corner he's got the fucking high tops on like Rocky then he's fake jump ropeing waiting for the light to change and he's got like grayish hair he's fucking he's got negative body fat you know maybe he was younger okay 48

whatever the fuck no spring chicken is my point but I laugh because he's waiting at the red light and he's fake jogging in place and Chuck's Glyse a great joke about that. He goes, you see these people around the city at a red light that they stand in place and jog at a red light? He goes, when they're on the phone, somebody puts them on holder, they go,

I love stupid jokes like that. But I had to look at this guy. When I was with a red light, I'm going, what the fuck? Guy had like an 11 pack. I could tell you why that is, but, you know, I've been called the racist enough. All right, let's get to the goddamn show. I've been poor crass. I didn't write anything.

I haven't written. I haven't touched my book. About 10, 11 days. I guess that's normal. I have four topics that I'm going to attack, but I just cut the grass and almost fainted. It was so hot. Fucking old man.

Let's get to it, Dallas. Let's roll it. There are white niggers. Oh! I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time. That's how you open the show. By the way, that's Dallas doing the voiceover. Pretty good, huh?

You guy can do a lot of shit. Hey, and I reverse the races segment tonight, the Buffalo Bills are moving into a brand new stadium this season. Should have happened, and I'm not exaggerate maybe 20 years ago. I'm praying that has a roof that closes. If it doesn't, it's very silly. It'll protect the fans from the snow and the wind. But I got to believe there's a button somewhere. And Buffalo folks, they average.

A good winter, they get about 11 feet of snow. They're like, not bad, kind of like. So that's the new stadium next to the old shithole. And they're leaving part of their past and the rearview merit. And why wouldn't you? The team will not honor O.J. Simpson at Highmark Stadium. First of all, that'll be ironic if you had a statue of him in front of Highmark Stadium in western New York as part of the team's family circle area outside the venue.

The team confirmed in a statement said. Now, let me tell you something. As a guy of 64 years of a day, I got to watch OJ play as a kid. And let me tell you, there's still, to this day, nobody prettier fucking running down the field. This mother, he had a lot of Gail sales in him. He'd give you the hip and take it away.

People would just swipe and come up with air. And he would, he would, the Patriots were the worst team in football. And he would, we're like, here he comes. on a Monday night it was a pouring or snowing he got 200 and something yards in the rain he's fucking just

and the Patriots couldn't tackle and he used to you could see him drooling when he got to the stadium just fucking running off he was I know he's a fucking jerk off murder but I'm just saying

what a football player and what a black murderer fuck him anyways we have made an organizational decision this is what makes me laugh that he is not a fit to display inside our new stadium and

families. You don't want a black murderer in your fucking family circle? What does this? Meet the parents or the family circle? Who said that? Bill's president of business operations. Peter Goyle fucking Greasball said in a statement. The family circle

area will include Ted Bundy. Who else? No OJ. Ted Bundy's fine. You guys don't know. He was like on the practice squad for years. The area's going to include American bison statues.

He can't even, they put animals in front of the fucking, he'd fit right in. And plaques to honor past grades who donned the blue and red. It better be one of Joe Ferguson, man. Simpson who, and I know Reggie McKenzie's going to be in there. These are the linemen that blocked him. Joe Ferguson was a quarterback in the 70s. Tough as a $2 steak.

He just, he would take a beaten man and just, Simpson who died two years ago spent nine of his 11 years in the NFL with the bills leading the league in Russian four times including a ninth listen to this Dallas 1973 when he eclipsed the 2,000 yard plateau now let me tell you why that's a big deal right now you go well ever a lot of people have done that not in 14 games they didn't they still use a thousand yards as like this a gold standard that ain't shit for 60 it's under 100 yards this motherfucker would I mean he was something else His on-the-field achievements that led to his enshrinement and the Hall of Fame have been infamously overshadowed.

I like how they have to explain this to us like we're from Russia. Overshadow by the murder, trial of the century, which I got to cover for Comedy Central. I was at the courthouse and shit. What a fucking, what a career of wasting time. In which he was accused of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. I remember me and a black guy that worked for Comedy Central arguing in the van on the way over. We did it civilly. Nicole Bronson and Ronald Goldman in the summer of 1994.

Here's a video. And there's Charles Woodson. How about that? Don't what a season he had. He became the first defensive player to win the Heisman trophy. Congratulations, Charles. That is something that no one can ever take away from you. Unless you kill your wife and a waiter, in which case.

There is a black brother laughing on the far left. advice. The other brothers have to pretend, oh man, that was over the line. Shut the fuck up. Greatest joke ever. You're an athlete. You're a brother. You black people, you're the funniest people on the planet. And I'm not saying that

a condescender way. You just fucking, come on. They have to go, oh, he's a saint. O.J. You only killed a white, bitch. What are you saying? How about norm of that baby face delivering that fucking... I was watching that night. He almost fell out of my seat going, holy

And I told Dallas, I know how it works at those award shows. You have, you usually run, they usually make you run through the fucking monologue ahead of time. And I did this at Chris Rockman, the Oscar Awards. So we put in a bunch of fake jokes that they had to approve and we saved the poison like that to surprise them. I gotta believe that's what they did there. There's no way Disney went, yeah, you can do that. You know how they black worship. While Simpson was acquitted of murder charges in the high-profile case in LA,

he was found liable in a civil trial in 1997 for the deaths in order to pay $33.5 billion. I think he's paid exactly $1,100 back his estate to both Brown and Goldman's family. I'm not even kidding. It's fucking disgusting. He later served nine years in prison. He's a fucking, let me tell you, who did he have America Fool? I still believe like his son was involved, too. It just is too much to, you know.

He later served nine years in prison over a robbery and kidnapping case in 2007 when he busted into a Vegas hotel room to confront people who he thought stole memorabilia. That's a badass. You're a badass, motherfucker. Hey, folks, November 5th, which is like 11 light years from now, at least I say that now, I'll be at the punchline, Atlanta Joy. A little excited, never been to this one. November 6, Rivers, and few people go on.

And I don't go on X much anymore or any of that shit, but they're like, hey, where's DePaul or where's he been? I don't know. The fuck, where have I been? What do you mean? The last 38 years? I take fucking six months.

I, you know, and I wasn't doing the road, even before this year, I wasn't doing like, when we were young, we'd do 30 weeks on the fucking road and enjoy it. So, I don't know, I'm on Crowder. He's got millions of things. fucking subscribers. I don't know. What am I supposed to do? Now we don't watch it. That's political. You guys don't know what I fucking live. And I don't give a fuck. It's the first time I've been

addressed that. What am I supposed to be out? Anyways, I love my fans, but you jerkoffs. But I did. Then I read one that made me feel great. It was a clip, one of my clips, pretty vicious. I don't even remember what it was, but underneath it said, I can't be the only liberal out there that likes Nick DePaul. And that made my day. Then it was signed my brother. He fooled him. He's quite a marketing.

November 6th, Rivers Casino in Philly, November 7th, Seoul, Jolves and Potschtown, Pennsylvania. Go to Nick Dip.com to get those tickets before they are sold out. Don't go yet. It's a little early. It's so funny. I see a clip of Nate Bergotsi, who I love, by the way. And he's on a round stage, and he's saying good night.

And it pulls back, and I'm, you know, it looked like a football stadium. It wasn't, I don't think. Do you guys understand how much money? He's making more than Kevin Hart. You know how that is for a white comic to do? I guess things have changed. And an Italian from Tennessee. Isn't an oddity.

When you're at Nick Dip.com, buy some shit. Support this. I need a new mug. The phone's all sticky from last night. Huh? What? Nick Dip.com. We get hats, hoodies, whatever the fuck.

Jesus Christ. I'm going to stop reading this. I also want to send a personalized video to someone, so I'll say what you're thinking. Go to shoutout.us. Did two this weekend. Shoutout.us. Could make fun of people and just say hello

or bing bing bing-beng-gat-a-bang-bong. Let's move on to dude be tripping. I'm wearing the different teeth. I have a couple pair. These are the ones I didn't like early, but they fit better. Now, I guess my mouth was all swollen. A routine stumble.

No, I'm still, I can still hear a little. A routine stumble on a San Diego. A routine stumble? What the fuck are you talking? What are you, a gymnast? Routine, fucking, what's that black girl, Biles? I can't remember her first name. A gymnast.

She would have blushed over making moves like this. A routine stumble. And San Diego sidewalk could wind up costing taxpayers a staggering $35 million. You know what? I don't mind that. If that happened in my state, I don't mind my tax money going to something like that. Wait till you see the clip.

A 70-year-old man has filed a claim against it. And let me tell you something. He'll probably get more than that. It doesn't matter. He's fucking finished anyways. 70-year-old man, anyways, made a claim against the city seeking the eye-popping payout after alleged.

I mean allegedly, when can we stop in the alleged? For the love of fuck. A-fawk? allegedly tripping on a damaged sidewalk. It's not a damaged sidewalk. Boy, who wrote this? A girl named Diane 11.

Sidewall. And suffering a broken neck and back. But it was just a routine stumble. Routine stumble. He couldn't have got more hurt if you threw him off a fucking volcano. If the claim isn't settled, the case could head to court.

That's true. The city's going to go, you know what? Too bad it happened. He's at this old. The man and his wife were leaving. leaving a sushi restaurant near the intersection of Washington Street and Albatross Drive in May when he, you know what? I used to go to the sushi place in San Diego.

It has to be the same place. It was the best. I used to do the comedy store in La Jolla. Maybe this wasn't La Jolla. This is downtown, I guess. Forget it. Anyway, security camera footage shows the man. They had the best sushi at display.

I fucking lived the man before the show after. Security camera footage shows the man walking towards a car parked at a curb. 30 minute time limit. Curiously, he does not appear to use the cane. That's not going to help you in the case. I'll tell you that much. That's the only big question. But I'll tell you right now, nobody can fake it that good, not at that age. And I see this happening to me not too long from now. Because my hips have been fused together. My left foot, I trip, we have a rug at home. The corner sticks up. I think Andy does it on purpose. I've tripped on that fucker 8,000 times. Anything else that break. She glues it right down and fixes it.

Anyways, take a look at this and you tell me if this is a routine stumble. When he trips over those legs and bolts and then falls right into his car, knocking him unconscious. The wife starts to beat him

with a cane and takes off in the car. He hit that head first. And your bones aren't the same, folks. Even now. Berman, I was just thinking, if somebody said, you want to play a pickup game or whatever. I couldn't do it.

I couldn't fucking do it. Between my hips, arthritic neck, and I was always bragging because I busted up my shoulders and had both of them literally rebuilt. And, you know, and went through life going, the guy did a great job. I'm getting away with this shit. My buddy Zuck, the late Greg Zook.

He couldn't move because of his hips when he was like 35. And I'm like, yeah, I got away. No, it gets you. Polly Walmuts. First it's your fucking teeth. Then it's your eyes. Then it's your dick. And you don't think it's going to happen to you, T. Berman alleges the city created a dangerous hazard.

You think? By removing the parking meter but leaving behind it, it's in a raised metal base and protruding bolts embedded into the sidewalk. He claims similar sidewalk hazards exist elsewhere across the city. Well, they ain't going to anymore. The man has been released from the

hospital, but he, listen to this. So your mother's all being dead. Requires 24-hour medical care every day at home. Please, please. Andy, if you're watching, please, put a gun in my mouth, even if I'm awake and having a good time.

I don't want to put anybody through that. Put a gun on my Greg, my brother. Somebody get this to him. He's going to kill me for dementia, all this. Some football play just found out he, what does and Charlie Johnson with great receiver, something for the Titans.

I probably got the name wrong. A brother, obviously, but only like, he's in his 40s now. Found out he had ALS a couple years ago. I was in a paper today. The city threw a spokesperson, the city threw a spokesperson over the fence and said, it cannot comment on the incident or potential. You got no argument. That's why you're not going to comment.

What are you going to say to that? That is open and shut. but like I said, the poor bastard can't even enjoy the money. They'll be going, let's buy, I don't know, let's buy that sofa, and he'll blink three times. Let's move on to Citizen Revenge. Well, what is that? I don't know. I text Crowder about it, and then online I read about it.

And I don't know if it's a regular movie. Then I thought Crowder said a documentary. I don't know. Citizen vigilante. It doesn't matter. I'm going to show you the scene. And this is something they banned in Germany. Citizen Vigilante is a 2026 action thriller film directed by Ubo. I went to high school with his brother salad. Have you met him? Look at the starring Army Hammer. I still can't believe that's a real name.

Army Hammer. Oh, the parents big fans of bacon soda? What the fuck? that's an Armandhamming joke folks this is the guy who supposedly likes cannibalism remember that story he's still got a career

just don't say the N word starring Army Hammer as a wealthy businessman who becomes a vigilante targeting violent criminals in Croatia inspired by a real life case involving migrant crime I want to see the real life maybe the real

the documentary is going to be the real life thing released in theaters and digitally on June 19th, the film has received mixed reviews from Jews and Arabs alike. One Arab critic gave it two missing thumbs down. What? With a high audience score

by negative critic reviews. That means it's great, right? And has sparked controversy including a de facto ban in Germany for potentially inciting violence. And that's all you need to know. I'm going to show you this, but it's all you need to know.

know that there's a again the world's run by whoever that we can't show something that's factual based on a real story and because we don't want the people getting together and fighting back um as you know in europe probably germany too but as you know Italy and everywhere else in Europe's being overrun especially England oh my god have you guys been following that a little bit, how for 20 years the government's been coming up with these rape gangs, Islamic

raping white women, over 200,000 of them. Have you, have... Suicide. Anyways, here's the movie they don't want to show in Germany, so I'm guessing they have a... Well, I know they do. I've seen clips of, they have a problem with being overrun by people

who have no values that fit Western culture anyway, but... I'm sorry we did that. We thought She wanted it. You thought that she wanted you to grab her and pull her into a bush in the quiet part of the park. Well, I bought her a drink. She wanted you to put your hand over her mouth

while your seven friends took turns raping her. She had to crawl out of those bushes on her hands and knees, and now she lives every single day afraid of what you and your friends might do since you were acquitted. It was very good work by your attorney, by the way, painting them as a very, the victim. What was it? Traumatic integration. We're really getting mental help now and support. We will be better in the future.

I promise that. It's the right answer. The only problem is that on your social media, since the event, I have not seen any regret or empathy. In fact, I think you said that she deserved to be raped. What I mean is that they dress wrong. and just make boys horny with their mini skirts. They show their legs and breasts. You wrote that she deserved it. I will delete it. Phil deleted.

I'll delete you, you, you cunt. Are these the values you're teaching your children? I teach him the values from Quran and these values from our family. Nice family. Well, if these are your values, that women in America and Europe deserve to be raped because of a dress code, Why did you come here? You know that we have several war in our country and we have a dangerous life.

That's why we are here. And I think you know that. Do you know what I think? Why? I don't think it was the good ones that got out of your country. I think it was the bad ones. And I think you brought with you your archaic value system. What the fuck?

What's wrong? I'm not saying all Islam's bad, but just, Just these five people. I do this for you. Until you learn. The murdered rape victims, can you read that? I can't. This film is dedicated to the thousands of rape and murder victims in Europe

who were betrayed by our legal system. Yeah, especially UK. But yeah, you wouldn't want that to get out. You wouldn't want the people put any ideas in the head about defending themselves against an openly hostile culture that's been invited into your living room. I mean, can you imagine that?

What does that tell you about our world? That that's banned. It's all right if it's John Wick shooting up a nightclub. You know what I'm saying? Really? Again, Islam is the only religion that the left protects.

Not only they protect Islam, they shit on Christianity. proactively. I saw a little blurb of some guy talking about and why I didn't just, why? Because it's three in the morning and I'm like, I better go to sleep. I really have a problem of the phone. Did it again last night. Stumbled over a page that says, and it says on the fucking website, most people don't have 99% of the people that come to this site, don't have the courage to follow it. And I'm like, this looks interesting. Oh my God. It's just you know, just

watch them get murders and not just murders and shit a guy gets hit by your train and shit that you the dark side of the web. It is very hard to shut that shit off at 3 a.m. Let me tell you something. It's insane. How cruel this

fucking world. Oh my God. Yet invigorating. I'm just saying I like to live in the real world. I don't want to be part of that fucking, but I don't like to stick your head in a sandbatant doesn't exist. That's all. Anyhow.

So yeah, don't let that. That movie should be an instructional film for the young kids. You know? Speaking of foreigners and whatnot, Bill Maher, as we know, he's coming around. And I actually asked Tommy, I don't know if you knew about this. I go to Tommy. I said, I want to do that podcast with Bill Maher, where he drinks and gets high and shit. And he goes, this is what Tommy writes back.

You know we had my kids on, right? I text back, come again? What? What are you fucking talking about? They were doing an on Bill Maher's HBO show. They were taught. He may, I think he was doing a monologue and he said, or go back to watching kids, you know, little kids say motherfucker on the internet.

And it cuts to Tommy's little girls in the back seat. Both of them went, motherfucker. And the other one goes, motherfucker. Oh my God, I almost shit my pants. I write him back. I go, first of all, how did you not tell me about this? And secondly, when I said to him, yeah, throw me, see if you can get me on Bill Maher. He said, I think I have an in there.

And then I watched the clip. I go, you think you have it in there? He's fucking, he owes you one. Their producer just grabbed it off the internet and shit. Tommy probably said, yeah, I got ahead, whatever. So not that Bill Ma wants to have me on, but, you know. And, of course, I mentioned at the colony, he goes, well, maybe a couple of years. ago but why why why now because it's hugely popular do you mind if I sit down

with somebody that little higher than me in the food chain I think he's shy call and I understand his point but come on it'll be fun when you like to see me have a couple of scotches and take a swing it bill slap his glasses I'd actually have a good time of them just but I first thing I'd say to him and I said it to Colin in tech first thing I'd say to him is Bill I appreciate that you've come around a little bit. But nobody's pointing out that you were a major contributor to the left-wing liberal lunacy.

Because your show has been on for, what, 30 fucking years. It's been hugely popular. So don't tell me you didn't have a point. Anyways, this is a great monologue. I forgot we've got to do this, about the foreign soccer fans coming over here and loving America. And it's very funny.

He's always had good writers, folks. I never agree with the fucking content, but he's always a good writer. And finally, new rule, let's all give it up for soccer being the greatest sport. No, no, not. Not the game itself, that sucks. Does it ever?

I mean, there's more scoring at a Star Trek convention. That is a great joke. But I am loving that the World Cup has brought to our shores all these people who are doing Americans the same thing doing Americans the service of reminding us just when we needed it on our big 250 birthday. But actually, this place is kind of awesome. I'm glad you realize that now, Bill.

And yes, I know. How dare I. How privileged when there are so many problems and threats and people left. See, he's talking about lefties saying that because he said that. But I'm saying he helped create those people. And roll them. Behind. All true. I could give you. the statistics where we are not good enough and have done so many times. No, you have. Infant mortality rate, 54th in the world, women in government, 85th, overdose, deaths, lack of health insurance.

Yes, many problems. But that's because the name of our country is America, not Utopia. Thank you. And the appropriate comparison isn't to the Eden, you might imagine. It's to every other place on earth. We can't be more perfect than what's in your mind. We can only be more perfect than Belgium, which I bet has nicer airports, but trust me, has its own problems. And I never saw anyone getting ecstatic about being there, but that's exactly what I've been seeing here for the last month.

Social media flooded with videos of slack-jawed soccer tourists wandering around America, positively gushing about everything we take for granted, reminding us what America looks like from the outside. Not through the lens of some influencer explaining why we're. watering your lawn is violence. You know that's true. Somebody wrote that. You know that's true. Look a dummy Georgia guy, right?

Just regular people looking around and saying, wow, these people live like rock stars. Look at this Japanese guy trying Texas barbecue. Wow. Amazing! I love it!

Yeah. Last time he was that excited he was rubbing himself against a stranger on the subway. British people are walking through Costco, like they're touring the Vatican on mushrooms. One European guy said, this is the biggest tourist attraction I can have as a European. It's like a museum.

He was talking about Walmart. True. I swear. It's like a museum. Our comfort foods, supermarkets, big box stores, stadiums, they're blowing their minds. You can buy a ceramic beaver wearing sunglasses.

Fuck, yeah, you can. And you can buy mayonnaise by the gallon. This guy can't believe pizza comes in a size this large. One point two seats. Wait until they see our asses. Crowd misses the whole point about that. American food is insane, said another one. Tried a hot dog today, American delicacy.

And oh my God, why does the sausage taste so good? Well, it's the rat hair, but we just know how to do it. We know how to do it. Listen to this. There are thousands of people from countries we think of as prosperous and advanced who have come here and are now saying they can no longer go on in life

if they can't get ranch dressing. One woman from Sweden said, why did no one tell me ranch sauce is like crack? Because it's not. Your crack must suck. Really, I never heard anyone say, this crack is like eating ranch. But plainly, plainly,

we have a lot of things here. We assumed everyone has, and they don't. They came in. We got it. And it really is. The timing is great. Trump really does. He's just.

He's been, I'm not saying he, you know, it's just, I'm just saying all of a sudden we had the World Cup. Did he bring in here? Maybe he did. I don't know how that works because I don't follow soccer. But I'm just saying the timing is great. But my point with Bill is, Bill, you're, you're compliment these people for loving Walmart and shit. And that's the shit you made fun of the right for. People, you know, people don't sell think Walmart's like fucking, you know, and whatever, some high class.

That's all the shit, you know, ranch. dressing. You'd make fun of people who love ranch or barbecue. That's all their fat fucks down. It's all the shit you ridiculed that people on the right fucking have loved about this country. Now it took somebody from another fucking, you know, other countries

for you to appreciate somebody appreciating that shit because it's not a Republican from America. That's my only point. Otherwise, I love the fucking monologue. Like I said, his monologues, even when I don't agree with them, which is 99% of the time, they're fucking well written.

all I'm saying. All right, let's move on to something light. Here's a baby whose head was cut off at a pool. No. Anyways, what's the headline? Oh, most likely to commit genocide. A middle, I found this one this morning. A middle school in an upscale New Jersey suburb, that's New Jersey suburb, has started taking back yearbooks after it was discovered a photo of Adolf Hitler in the student baby photo section. This may be last. because my wife is obsessed with ugly baby pictures. When we go into like antique stores, we have a whole wall.

I don't mean she puts them in a draw when she gets home. Dallas has seen it. We have a wall dedicated to really ugly baby pictures, like stranger. No babies we know. Black and white ones from back, you know, in frames on a...

So I put... I want to put up a picture a bunch of like girls from Playboy I used to jerk off doing high school. She doesn't find that funny. I mean, What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Let me get us all pinched. Earlier today, after students had already received their yearbooks, we learned that the

baby picture section of the yearbook contained an image that was later identified as an nice timing, as an infant photograph of Adolf Hitler. Ryan Oprah Lee, Principal of Eastbrook Middle School and Paramus wrote in June 25th letter to families. That's him, all right. we immediately collected the yearbooks so the image would not remain in circulation the letter assures the school community noting they were assisting local law enforcement

here's the real picture by the way that they get upset about and you can tell he's already got the haircut already got that that's a Hitler haircut and the only thing that would embed of his right hand was like the principal said the school was working to get an amended yearbook out as quickly as possible. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and trust. Here we go.

As we work to make this right, operally wrote in the letter, we remain committed, these boilerplate, ensuring that our school reflects the values of respect, inclusion, and dignity for every member of our community. Yeah, okay. Okay, Paramus.

There have been several instances where a student or former student snuck a Hitler reference into a yearbook for shock value. So this isn't the first time it's happened. Not at this school what is, but I'm just saying. In 2021, a Connecticut high school senior was charged when two felony...

What? Oh my God. And here's where people have it be for the Jews. Two felony counts of third degree computer crime after... Really? That's a felony? Slip in a picture in a yearbook of a Hitler bit? That's a felony.

Yet some immigrant rapes and murder somebody, and they're out in, not even an immigrant, just to fucking murder, and they're out in about eight years. That's why I have a problem. After allegedly changing entries in the school years book to include quotes from the Nazi dictator, they snuck the fucking, including one entry, misattributed to being a quote from George Floyd.

And Andover Mass High School pulled the cheerbook prior to publication after the horrified principal, guarantee he was a chick, found out a student had used a quote attributed to Hitler or gerbils under his picture. The kid probably was also voted, you know, funniest class clown. Why would you get upset about that? And I know you're going, it's not funny if you do. Oh, shut up. What? Didn't happen to you. Yeah, exactly. Um, come on. That's fucking funny. I did this in the picture in our yearbook. That was a track team who was. A team who was. whatever. I'm like, nobody's going to look at the track section.

Ooh, pretty edgy, Nick. Fucking faggot. Anyways, let's move on. Shall we? And now for Nick's video of the day. Whoa, la la la. Le la la la. Uh, uh, hold a second.

A video of the day. Uh, what do we got today? Let's just show the fucker. Oh, I'll give it the little setup. And today's video of, today's day, uh, video of the day. video of the day. We have,

look, you stumble across so much of this shit on the internet. And I always go to the people. Has this been out there? It doesn't matter. It made me laugh so goddamn hard at 3 in the morning after watching a lady

be run over by a train in China. You need something to cleanse my palate. I stumbled over this. I want a chorizo. I want a chorizo. He wants a chorizo sausage. Oh, it's a pet. Who does chorizo?

God, my. He's a fucking. I want to gorebo, I want chorino. He's a fucking Hispanic peacock. That's a mating call. Oh, my, one more time, please, Dallas. I wore these shoes at a prom, by the way. I thought I could vote a prom king if I was a little taller.

He's yelling for sausage. Oh, God, my. until when? I want I want to go I want to churino oh my God he's fucking insane

oh my god even gay people go you're setting us back a thousand years motherfucker just transition take off the shoes and that

was Nick's video of the day oh was it ever god damn that guy and then he's going oh me's he fucking who's he talking to and who's

maybe a friend's film it or not it doesn't matter I don't care It is goddamn funny. And he had quite an ass on him, didn't he? Zuck, my buddy, would see like a chick with a nice ass, and he'd go, got an ass on her like a 14-year-old black boy.

Which is true. It's a fucking... First, it made no sense to me, and I went, oh, what the fuck, you're right. The have asses like girls. God. Fucking... So many times during the day, I stumble over something. I still stay in touch with Zook's nephew, Andy.

I think he lives in Colorado. And he's got a daughter. He's got two daughters, gymnasts. One of them has won the states like two years in a row. I mean, everything she enters, she wins. I'm like, you could be set, dude. I mean, incredible. And Zook's always had athleticism.

His brothers were good. Dad, his dad pitched, pitched like semi-pro baseball. And anyways, let's move on to our final clip of the day or whatever the fuck we're doing. Oh. Oh. In our West Coast Stupid segment tonight, right here, right front of my eye from the San Francisco here, at our West Coast Stupid segment,

a Southern California doggy daycare facility is prepping canines for Independence Day. It's funny. my dog is fucked up. Somebody will fart a block up the street on a Tuesday afternoon and she'll go nuts. Come Fourth of July, sticks of dynamite are going off and she's just yawning. It's the fucking weirdest thing. Facility is prepping canines for Fourth of July by blasting the sounds of fireworks all day long

in a therapeutic desensitization method that will keep them, in other words becoming desensitized and noise. Keep them calm when the real explosions begin on the 4th of July. And let me tell you something, folks. Down here, it's their favorite day of the year, at least on my street. They love their fireworks in Georgia.

Oh, my God. And you'll see people like, you think it's young kids, and you look out, it's two people in their 90s with a fucking rocket launcher. They love this shit. And it goes on that it starts like two days before the 4th July.

And the guy next to me. I don't know if he knows somebody in Mexico. It's just nonstop. It's so good. And my dog just, you know, nothing. Anyways, a caption on an Instagram video posted by Dingo Doggy's campus reads, Fourth of July is right around the corner. So we have started fireworks conditioning for our pups.

We play the fireworks soundtrack all day, every day, and we have it playing in the kennel rooms for our borders on July 4th evening to blend in with the real fireworks. The dogs at the elaborate facility walk on treadmills. Why? Snooze. It's like a concentration kit. And make their way through obstacle courses. It's like a combine.

As a recording of fireworks plays in the background as part of their behavioral reprogramming, their calm demeanor also reinforced by pets and praise from a worker saying good job you got how about a fucking kibble or a bit good work verbal fucking check this out west coast of course Look at Pause See, it's all misleading They don't tell you those dogs are dead It's a shelter they got them from And they fool you

They're lying to you These are dogs not reacting to fireworks So apparently they probably drug them Just like in the dog food commercials In the 70s, they don't do this anymore But they say maybe they still do They show a dog come running out And chow down because they starved it for like a week

Before they put the vittles out there Good Look at them. Sit down and she tells them to. Give him a snack or something. Pause. When I first saw this, I thought this was a Jackal Lane fitness, a bunch of ugly girls. Go ahead.

Grab you guys. See, he's concentrating. How cute is that? Great course, Nico. That was really good, buddy. I told Dallas what they should do. You line the dogs up like that on treadmill. And if the ones that react to the noise, you shoot them.

and see if the other one's reacted a gun thing. That's called a meta-joke. I don't know. Anyways, Renee Bogartz, the owner and Lee Trayner at the daycare, admits she's obsessed with dogs. She used to have sex with one. No, she never said that. She founded the school in 2014.

The technique that we recommend is called doggy style. No, counter-conditioning and desensitation. Basically, your dog is currently conditioned to display excessive, fearful, responses to given stimulus. Our plan is to undo this learned behavior and replace it with a more relaxed behavior. This is called counter conditioning. We also want to expose the animal to the stimulus

in a gradual and controlled manner, which does not elicit the fearful behavior. This is called desensitization. And it's funny, I was thinking, because I know, I'm like, how about guys who are in war? Veterans and shit. It used to be a problem. I guess they've solved it.

But I was thinking. thinking that and then I started, I just said, I need something with dogs and fireworks. And I come across this and it's, what's the? I was kind of right. It's okay, Winston. It's just fireworks. Winston? There are some funny people out there. I thought that was perfect.

And we're not making fun of veterans at it, by the way. But again, California leads the way in that shit. Doggy hotels. I had a six minute bit on it that people loved. remember a word of it just the fucking kibbles and bits under the pillow fucking i don't know um all right that's it for a monday and again i want to remind you because i'll forget that tomorrow uh we have a pretty lengthy interview right huh it better be it's the whole show um oh we can juggle you and i film um lee priest who's always entertaining guy flies around the world i don't get it i don't know how he does it

I don't. It's a fucking different planet. So we got Lee Priest. And then the next day is Wednesday. I will be on Crowder. And I'll be on Crowder the next morning after that. Thursday. And then I come home and go on vacation.

We back here on July 13th. So I won't see you for a while. So have a great 4th of July, folks. Stay safe. And we'll talk to you on July 13th. You guys think and I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you then.

Hi, good night everybody.