The Nick DiPaolo Show - Fake Impeachment 2.0 | Nick Di Paolo Show #479

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Schumer charges forward with impeachment. Who's really running the Biden administration? New congressman Jamaal Bowman puts racism first, not voters.

🎵 Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show on a Tuesday. Excuse me. How you doing, folks? Great to be with you. On a overcast day. It was, what, 70-something yesterday? Beautiful.

Huh? What is it, January? You poor pricks. Yeah, poor pricks. Anyways, what is going on? What isn't going on? Too bad we can't just break up, huh? Balkanize, but geographically that's not going to work.

And I don't know. But there's no coming back from this. You know what I mean? We'll be like, I don't know, Ike Turner getting back with Tina after a thousand beatings. I don't know. I don't have an analogy. It comes from the century.

Wells had an ugly divorce. And the mic. Turn the mic on and talk into it, Chase. Rihanna and Chris Brown was a thing. Ah, there you go. Now shut your mic, Jason. Thank you. He's only been on the job about 21 years, but he'll catch on.

Good one, Rihanna. And that was the best joke I ever had in my life. I said, yeah, fuck it. I'm going to skip it. It's that fucking edgy. But it is the best joke I ever wrote. Anyways, let's get to it. Our fake president, not your president, not my president,

not anybody's president. He's a fucking liar. He makes me sick, and he looks like he's going to cry every time he speaks. We can do it. We can do it together. Corn Pop came at me with a chain. He was a tough old son of a, what a fucking, didn't he lies about getting arrested when he went to see Mandela on Robin's Eye?

What a fucking phony. And I'm watching some jerk off on TV on CNN yesterday. Oh my God. Saying what pussy the Republicans are. I don't know if it was an old clip he's like remember when kathy griffin came out with a head and they were all upset chick toughen up republican really really toughen up republicans really if we look at a black person wrong you guys fucking want to throw us in tough and we toughen up we need safe spaces

you're hurting our feelings we toughen up i don't even know who the whoa fuck you whoever you were i can't believe it i'm hearing and i watch it's such a big lie just seeing him stand up there and he knows it he knows he didn't win he knows he's part of a bigger plan. He's not even gonna be around to see it. Anyhow, remember how he's crying for unity, unity, unity, what did I say, humidity? Biden, he threw aside his inaugural pledge to seek unity, declaring yesterday evening that the Senate impeachment trial of Trump has to happen. That's what he said. Remember, he was fucking, oh God, how dare you? You fucking hypocrite. It has to happen. What better way to bring the country together? Biden previously has been

ambivalent about a trial, hinting that he opposed it, but saying he would let Congress decide. President Joe Biden on Monday offered his most extensive comments since taking office on former President Trump's impeachment trial, telling CNN, I think

it has to happen, he said. Do you? I think this has to happen. Fuck you, mother! Nick, Nick, easy. It's early in the show. Biden made the comment during a brief one-on-one interview with CNN in the halls of the West Wing. He acknowledged the effect it could have on his legislative agenda and cabinet nominees, but said there would be a worse effect if it didn't happen. Are you dog style? Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Biden told CNN he believed the outcome would be different if Trump had six months left in his term,

but he said he doesn't think 17 Republican senators will vote to convict Trump. First of all, Republican senators will vote to convict Trump. First of all, you dumb fucks, let me help Biden out. Do you know you can't impeach somebody who is a post-president who's out of office? Legislators don't have that jurisdiction. I'm not pretending I know this. I read. It's in every paper yesterday, you asswipe.

That goes for Pelosi and Schumer. Five days before Biden devoted his inaugural address to the theme of unity, mentioning the word no fewer than eight times, yet despite knowing that the Senate is unlikely to convict Trump, and despite campaigning on the urgency of coronavirus relief, the 46th jerk-off is not only tolerating, but actively encouraging an effort to punish the 45th president, who is no longer in office. You listening? Joe? Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that? Many Republican senators are arguing publicly that the Senate lacks jurisdiction to try a former president. Biden said in his inaugural address, to restore the soul. You're restoring the soul by stealing an election.

And to secure the future of America requires more than work or words. It requires the most elusive, elusive, I sound just like him, of things in a democracy. Unity, unity. You smug cocksucker. Fuck you. The Senate will now have to divert time and resources to the trial

interfering the effort to pass coronavirus. Let's take a look at him. Remember during his inaugural address? Unity. Unity. We can do great things, important things. I'm going to tell you, you lying cocksucker! Hey, Joe? You are a cunt, cunt, c lot of people who know the law, not me, believe that this is just obviously more, you know what,

shenanigans, more showboating, more grandstanding, just a kabuki theater. The same shit they did during Russiagate and all this shit. Oh, my God. And you watch TV, they keep talking about insurrection and how un-American the Republicans are after the riot. And they were,

meanwhile, they put him through that Russia hoax. They're doing everything they're accusing the Republicans are doing. It is fucking frightening. It's beyond alternative reality. I don't know what you call it, but they think that they

cornered the market on objective reality. Only what they think matters. But like I said, people who are well-versed in law, like William Barr, who we've sort of lost favor. There he is with his life partner, Stewie. William Barr said, a motion to dismiss for lack of jurisdiction should swiftly end the Senate impeachment farce. And he knows. Bye bye. I mean, he might be a traitor, but he's not stupid. The relevant wording in the Constitution is at the very end of Article 2, right after the word scramble, establishing that a constitutionally errant president shall be removed from office, that's in quotes,

if he first has been impeached by the House and convicted by the Senate for high crimes and misdemeanors. Unlike other sections of the Constitution where clarity may be obscured by arcane wording, this particular provision is clearer than my mother's skin and it's concise and it applies to the president. The language pointedly does not provide any way, shape or form that a former president or ex-president may be similarly punished. Only the president. The 100 member Senate is at the moment split right down the middle between those who identify as Republicans, which they're a farce too, and those who identify as Democrats. Really, they're all Democrats. he's been a problem forever has declared openly and without hesitancy that

as the self-styled majority leader he will move, get this, forward within days to try Donald Trump. Who did I say? Schumer? Am I talking about Schumer or Mitch? Oh, okay. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. Look at that hairdo. It says everything. The goal of such a trial would be to find Mr. Trump guilty of the single article

of impeachment passed on January 13th by a majority of representatives on the other side of the Capitol doom. While many GOP senators remain openly opposed to Schumer's plan, it appears that a number of jerk-off rhino fuckfaces, Republican senators, notably including the most recent, the chinless, the majority leader, Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, have signed on to the notion that there will be a trial as demanded by Schumer. Nice going, Mitch. You are everything that's wrong with D.C.

You're the first one to hang. Who said that? I did. Who the fuck said that? Well, he did. Who's the slimy little commonest shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? You couldn't even hang him. He has no chin to get the rope caught on.

He keeps sliding out. That's a good one, Nick. I know. It is a black letter law that a court cannot punish someone for a crime if it does not have jurisdiction over that person, which the Congress doesn't because he's not the president anymore.

Just as courts of law have no power over individuals outside the defined jurisdiction, the United States Senate has no power over a former president of the United goddamn states. You know what? Maybe this is their way of admitting that Trump still is the president. Ha ha, how's that for a point?

That'd be a good one if I was on a panel and a million people on TV were watching. Ha ha ha! That would never happen. I say fuck too much. Pineapple. Destroy your lungs. Pretend you're in Hawaii. No matter the degree to which Senator Chuckie Schumer despises Mr. Trump and hopes to prevent him from being able to run again for office at some future.

That's what this is about, by the way. I don't even know if that's true, but they say if you get impeached twice, you can't run again. So I don't know. But I think all that goes away because of the point we just made eight times. He's not the president anymore. At some future date, as unlikely as that may be, the body of which Schumer is a long-serving member does not have power under the Constitution, thus to punish the ex-president. You get that, stupid, with the worst hairline in the history of fucking hairlines?

How old is the show, Jay? Oh, slow down, Nick. Let me have a sip of my black coffee. Speaking of black, have you seen this Jamal Bowman, this new congressman from New York? I don't believe these people are elected. I've said this many times. Okay? I don't believe they're elected.

They're appointed. If you don't believe that, my buddy went undercover. I told you white supremacist meetings back in the 80s. They predicted guys like this. Not that I'm following them either. My buddy went undercover. I told you white supremacist meetings back in the 80s. They predicted guys like this. Not that I'm falling for them either. Those are some evil people. But Jesus Christ.

You want to hear racism? Listen to this idiot. He has no sense of irony. This guy hates white people to the fucking. He makes Farrak, and anybody else. Abdul-Jabbar, pick one. Jim, Jim Brown. He hates Whitey more than all of them.

Jamal, let me spell it for you. Jerkoff, A-M-A-L-L, Bowman. This guy is a racist. And the ignorance and we're below the standards in this country. When you listen to this guy, I want you to think about the great people that, you know, back in the day, the John Adams and the Sam Adams and the Adams family. Think about it. Freshman rep Jamal Bowman of New York is convinced that pretty much everything is white supremacy. In fact, that was the foundation of his campaign. That's why I don't believe you get elected. Even black people don't like this shit anymore. Some of them. Bowman ran on a platform that he called Reconstruction agenda. He's stuck in whenever Reconstruction was.

Saying that, listen to what he says. He says, here's his voice. You can tell he's old black. What folks says about this family, I does. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady, but the way that she eat in front of folks like a bird. And I ain't aiming for you to go to Mr. John Wilkinson and eat like a field hand and dabble like a hog. That's what he said. He said, it's time for us, get this, to root out

the racism that's been part of this country since the very beginning. Do you believe this ignoramus? Let me ask you something, Bowman. Let me ask you something, Jack. What other country in the world would you be better off, number one? And number two, would you rather be on trial for something? Just let those sit in, cheese dick. He says, we must confront the question of whether America can fill its revolutionary promise and become a democracy that guarantees freedom and justice for all, or whether the price paid for the original sin of slavery and white supremacy must be unceasing

misery, poverty, and death. Well, I think you guys have chosen your own path. You believe anybody elected this shithead? I really don't. I have more faith than black people. He's put in there by the white establishment, the George Soros's of the world. Nobody get voted in. I don't give a fuck. It was, they used dominium and sheath. One of the newest's of the world. Nobody get voted in. I don't give a fuck. It was, they used Dominion and Sheen. One of the newest members of the Progressive Democrat Congressional Club of the squad, Bowman said on Twitter

that he's part of the squad now with the other young broads that hate this country. The Ilhan Homars and Tlaibs said on Twitter that the filibuster, get this, is a pillar upholding white supremacy and that it's time to end it. In other words, you have no right to fucking have any diversity in Congress whatsoever. You agree

with what we preach or fuck you. You ignorant bat. You're not fooling anybody with that. Fuck it. I like whitey smile on that shit suit. Pig face. It's time to end that he says. He said that the electoral college, get this. What's wrong with that? Oh, it's a pillar of upholding white supremacy. Were you saying that? When, I don't know, pick a fucking Democrat president one. Clinton. I don't know pick a fucking democrat president one clinton i don't know

somebody wanted the one unbelievable uh and that it's time to end that too he said uh when trump was told about this guy's comments he replied with oh donald still fuming. What else is racist, folks? What else can we? Student loan debt as well as a pillar upholding white supremacy to Bowman. And it's time to cancel all of that. Oh, Smokey and the Bandit. What is this, a tweet? Postmillennial? Tweeted Dem Rep Bowman says,

it's time for Congress to stop spreading the myth of American exceptionalism and deal with white nationalism throughout all of America's institutions. And then he said this. I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Let's take a listen. We got a couple of clips. I had to give you the clips just so you know, I wasn't making this horse shit up.

Listen to this ass wipe. You know, but this is a chance for all of us in Congress to sort of begin at a new baseline and stop spreading the basketball of American exceptionalism and accept the fact that this is exactly who we are. And this is exactly who we've been throughout our country's history. Whenever there's social progress, there's white backlash, particularly from the people who believe that this needs to remain a white dominant nation and they are afraid of the multiracial democracy that we are becoming. We've been hearing that since Obama. We're afraid of nothing, you fuckstain.

By the way, I just referenced Obama. You know what that means? A black man who got elected twice. So it just destroys everything you've said and believe in for the last 20 years, you asshole. How'd you get your job anyways? And if you weren't from the United States, you know what you'd be doing right now?

You'd be fucking driving a, I don't know, pulling a wagon with a cow in Zaire, you dink. A black guy, twice nominated president, eight years, but this is a white supremacist country. Hey, shithead, name some white supremacist that's done something horrible and give me a specific example in the last, I don't know, last two years. Can you give me one? I can give you a ton about Black Lives Matter, killing cops. Hey, fuckface, I'm talking to you. You jizz rag. you arcane spunk bubble.

I don't like this guy. I don't like him. I don't like him whatsoever. Oh, fucking idiot. Yeah, you is. Let's take a look at some more horseshit he had to say. The president must be impeached immediately. We need to also look to invoke the 25th Amendment. Whatever we can do to get him out of office as quickly as possible

is what we must do. But we need to understand white supremacists have just waged war on the United States government. So white supremacy has been around since America has been around for 401 years. Trump has fanned the flames. Trump has stoked violence. He needs to be held accountable. But we all need to direct our attention towards white nationalists, white supremacists. They have infiltrated law enforcement. Law enforcement is in cahoots with them under many circumstances they may be infiltrating capitol police we have to respond to this with urgency all right i can't yeah white supremacist that was a white you think that was a white supremacist hit job at the

capitol on january 6th you have idea. That building wouldn't be standing. You better hope they don't show their face, Mr. Bowman. You have no idea what they have in store, you fucking ignoramus. Plus half those people that got in the building were Antifa. Suck a dick and die you asshole i write your song up number 11. From 17 last week. That was the Chain Gang at a Brushy Hill prison.

Keep your feet in the plantation and keep reaching for the stars. Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. Do you believe that's what's in office? That somebody, and like I said, I'll say it again, black people are way smarter than that. I don't think they'd vote for that idiot. Although I don't know how it works in the city. Maybe it was a real black section of Brooklyn. I don't know, but I really do think these people are appointed. Who else was appointed? Who else was installed? Oh, that's right. Current president Joe Biden. But you know what? You and I knew, right? We knew, and this was the plan, and they're following it to a T.

We all predicted he'll get in there, right? He's an empty vessel. He's lost his mind. They're like, beautiful. We can push this guy in any direction we want, the far left said. You know, AOC was diddling her bean going, oh, my God. First, I hated this guy. But now we can use him to put my stupid ideas into action. Look at him.

Look at the Cheesecake Factory menu. Anything with low cholesterol. Anyways, something's come to light. A few people have written about this. Very interesting. And the headline is Biden's shadow president exposed calling the shots. It's already happened. He's not even.

Oh, by the way, he set a record for signing executive orders just. He's undoing everything that the real guy who won the election did in four years. He's undoing it all. They're going to overplay their hand, folks. And people go, yeah, we'll take them in the midterms. And I said this. No, you won't. Not until you fix the computers and fucking make people show up on November 3rd and you have 24 hours to vote and that's it.

Other than that, Republican, you ain't never going to win ever again. Forming acting director of national intelligence, that would be DNI. Richard Grinnell, openly gay fella, smart as a whip. Look, I'm cute as a button. I don't know whose flag is behind him. Good Lord. Looks like the Houston Astros old shirts in the 70s. But Richard Grinnell, very smart dude, said that based on President Joe Biden's initial executive actions, he believes someone else is actually setting the agenda.

And do you know who that is? Let's take a look at the clip and see who he's talking about. Look, I've said it before, but I think it is worth repeating that Susan Rice is there inside the White House. She's been given a portfolio as to domestic policy. We all know that that's a joke. She doesn't know anything about domestic policy, but she's run the national security portfolio. She certainly has run the U.N, but she's run the national security portfolio. She certainly has run the UN portfolio. She knows the State Department and really wanted to be the Secretary of State.

So there's no question that she's running domestic and foreign policy. Susan Rice. Do you remember her? Do you remember Susie Rice? Look at her. Another man. Another man. remember her do you remember suzy rice look at her another man another man another man a she was a whore b she was a whore yes if she worked for uh but he was spot on don't you think you are correct sir mama Grinnell raised eyebrows

earlier this month when she actually showed her thick long penis in the men's room at the Capitol next to Mitch McConnell uh anyways Grinnell raised eyebrows earlier this month when he first said he believes that Rice we call her Dirty Rice

who was President Obama's UN ambassador and national security advisor, and is now serving as Biden's domestic policy director. He said that last month. He's calling the shots in the current administration. Oh, my God. Biden's like, excuse me, Susan. What are we doing? What's going on right now?

Nothing, Joe. Mind your business. Go back to the bingo room. We'll talk to you later. Bye-bye. Susan Rice is extremely excited that Vice President Harris is preoccupied, Grinnell said, in the Senate, and the shadow presidency of Susan Rice is front and center. There's no question about that, added Mr. Dick Grinnell.

This is kind of calling the shots, ladies and gentlemen. You know what's funny? They say, took so long to finally get a black president. Well, you know what? This round, you got, we have Kamala Harris, you got this broad,

you have black women running the goddamn country. So good for you. Good for you. Look at Biden listening, going, oh God, I gotta listen to this stuff. If I don't memorize this before Matlock comes on. Anyways, it really is upsetting, is it?

But you got this show, and we'll be fine. Speaking of the show, I want to thank people who contribute financially to this show. You can do that at thecomicsgym.com, thecomicsgym.com, thecomicsgym.com, or nickdip.com. One-time contributors since yesterday. We got Sean Powell of Florida, Commander in Cheap Biden, Kentucky, Buddy French Grissom, Biden, Kentucky, Buddy French Grissom, Oklahoma, Michael Marucci, Connecticut, Tyler Pepke, New York,

James K. Camano Jr., Nevada. And we got people still signing up as monthly supporters, which I want all of you to do eventually. David Clark, Toronto, Uncle Javi, and Greg Steele signed up at

Patreon or wherever, their monthly subscribe. And when you do that, you get an extra story every day. Nobody else gets. You get to ask a question. You get access to the old shows. It's quite a good deal when you think about it. You know what I'm saying, Tease? We have a Patreon question.

We got a Patreon question up in this motherfucker. All right. We have a Patreon question. We got a Patreon question up in this motherfucker. Hey, Nick, how long do you think it's going to be before Sleepy Joe stacks the Supreme Court? Love the show. Dave the Wave from California. Well, Dave the Wave, how long?

I don't know because I don't know how the process works. As quick as possible, ASAP. I give it five minutes if it could be done in five minutes. I don't know what the minimum is of time that they can do it, but they're not bluffing on that one. Dave, the wave, I don't think they're not bluffing on bringing in a, what, uh, Puerto Rico and DC as new States. They're trying to make this a one-party country. Can you imagine after four years of saying that Trump is a Russian agent? They want exactly how Russia and China runs their communist shitholes. It's exactly what they want.

How creepy. But I don't know. Two seconds, believe me. We're going to have hearings and shit. I don't know. They control everything, don't they? It's enough to make you really get upset. That's why I have a pineapple, pineapple vape. The world is just filled with evil, isn't it? I didn't even bother pulling this clip from a couple days ago. Did you see that?

It happened in Chinatown on New York, but about nine, you know, nine or ten black guys, once again, on one other guy. I read today that the other guy was a gangbanger. But you see they beat him up and pulled all his clothes off, left him naked. That's how it's going in New York. It's just horrible. Horrible. Now, we got a clip here that was, this will get away from politics for a second, but just shows God is not paying attention and the devil seems to be running things. Did you see the clip of the firefighter from New York getting knocked out by an air conditioner?

An FDNY firefighter was knocked unconscious when an air conditioner fell from a window. Now that's the key word, fell from a window and struck him in the head while he was battling a Brooklyn blaze on Monday morning sources. The shocking incident took place outside a home in Bensonhurst and sent the smoke eater from Ladder 172 to the hospital where he's in serious condition, according to the FDNY sources. The firefighter was among 106 members of the FDNY who fought the two-alarm blaze that broke out just before 9 a.m. at a house on 85th Street near 20th Avenue.

And video obtained by the Post shows the moment the firefighter was pummeled. Stupid word by the writer. What do they go, three rounds? He was pummeled by the window AC as he walked down the driveway of the two-story home. AC as he walked down the driveway of the two-story home. As Warner Wolf used to say, let's go to the videotape. Oh, stop. Oh, stop.

Oh, what in God's name? Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, But let's think about this. This is why you have to read carefully. They said it fell out of a window. Look where the building is. Put it back. Look where he is in relation to the building, right? Distance-wise. I almost dropped an air conditioner out of a fourth floor when I was living in Queens trying to put it in. Grabbed it by the cord. But here's my point. And I want you to keep in mind this is in Bensonhurst, New York, right?

And New York first responders get attacked all the time. Now, here's my point. If it just fell from a window, it would fall right down the side of the house, wouldn't it? It wouldn't jut out like that. Who's with me? What are you saying, Nick? I don't know.

We'll never hear the truth of it, depending on the race, if somebody threw it up. But do you see how it went out and down? Anybody? Unless we're not seeing an overhang. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Do you get it? Look how far it is from the side of the house so it didn't just fall out of a window. What's her, a 300 mile an hour gust?

I guarantee they look into this. Maybe I'll check the papers when I get home. Some jackal probably tossed it because this happens, you know, when they go up into Harlem in the Bronx, they get attacked. Ambulance, paramedics, cops, anybody. It's the new fun thing to do. But I hope that guy's all right, man. That is, I don't know how it didn't break his neck. His helmet, I mean, if he didn't have that helmet, his helmet would have just squashed like an eggplant. As R.P. McMurphy said in Cuckoo's Nest, Jace, if he didn't have that helmet, his head would have just squashed like an eggplant.

As R.P. McMurphy said in Cuckoo's Nest. Jace, can you put that air back on? No, I'm dying. I can't get, I can't find a happy medium. I'm dying. The firefighter was taken to Lutheran Hospital for treatment. Oh, not Lutheran. The FDNY said five other firefighters suffered minor injuries while extinguishing the two-alarm blaze. That guy, at a minimum, has to have a fucking horrible concussion.

And he's lucky he didn't break his neck. People get, you know, when I was in New York living there, people are always nervous. You always read about shit like this happening. And I've seen footage of other shit falling off a window that didn't hit people, but it went straight down the side of the building. Nick, you're just being paranoid. I'm telling you, Schumer threw it off the goddamn thing. That's ridiculous. throw it off the goddamn thing. That's ridiculous. Hey, did you guys notice anything different in the news lately? This is the one that got my hair up on end. Here's the headline. States, cities ease restaurant restrictions. Listen to this lying article. With the pandemic's third wave having crested, wait a minute, having crested?

You sure about that? Officials are allowing on-site dining to resume, though not as quickly as many operators would like. Oh, isn't that funny, huh? Let's see, they kept it shut until Trump got out of office. We had to keep the economy in the toilet until the election. They're not even good at faking and lying. That's how pompous they are.

They know we know what's going on. And they go, so what? I don't give a fuck if it looks bad. We're going to open up two days after Biden gets in there. With the spread of coronavirus slowing in many areas, bullshit, I keep hearing record numbers, state and local jurisdictions are easing the service restrictions imposed on restaurants around 2020's year-end holidays, though not as fast as many in the industry would like.

Bon appetit. Officials in California, the largest state restaurant market, have informed the California Restaurant Association, that's the CRA, I belonged to it many years ago, that Governor Gavin, Gavin Shapeshifter, Gavin Newsom, oh, do I hate this motherfucker, will lift his stay-at-home directive sometime Monday,

the trade group said in a letter to members. That move will enable restaurants to immediately resume stay-at-home directive sometime Monday, the trade group said in a letter to members. That move will enable restaurants to immediately resume outdoor dining service statewide and indoor areas that meet the governor's safety threshold. Gee, you think it has anything to do with the petition that over a million people signed in California to recall this fucking evil bastard? You think that might have had something to do with his decision?

Yeah, I'm checking your poll ratings, your favorability ratings. He says, we will send you further. Oh, they said, we will send you further information. This is the CRA. As soon as it is available. For now, we thought you'd like to know the good news. Oh, yeah, don't break a leg partying, folks. Restaurants, get this.

Oh, look at in Chicago. They permitted starting Saturday to resume indoor service at restaurants. 25% capacity of their seating up to a maximum of 25 people. Bars that serve food can also seat patrons indoor again. No more than four people can be seated at a table. Oh my God. No more than four people can be seated at a table.

Oh, my God. No more than four people at a table? Come on. But you don't have opening? No. No. But why not? Sit on the floor and shut up, Wadji.

Wow. Isn't the coincidence? Huh? The timing? Isn't it kind of odd, the timing? Oh, my. Look at these people are eating in a condom. What is that? That's kind of cool.

I'd like one for myself, actually. Do you believe this, folks? What is it, three, four days since Biden's been in there? Yeah. They're already. Oh, my God. The suspension on indoor dining was lifted by the state. Illinois Governor Jay Pritzker, who hasn't missed a meal apparently in years, had already allowed restaurants elsewhere to resume limited indoor dining. Restaurants in New York, folks, if it was really deadly, right, as like they say it is,

would you let anybody near anybody or anything? You know what I mean? It's all piecemeal. This state's doing 40 people. They can let 25% capacity. Long as there's eight at a table, three here, it's all horseshit. Listen to me. Restaurants in New York City are pushing the governor to follow suit after 90 restaurants in the Buffalo area, I didn't even know this, successfully sued to reopen despite Governor Andrew Cuomo's ban on indoor dining, the state chief executive begrudgingly okayed resumption of interior table service in areas with moderate rates of increase in new COVID-19 cases. Does anybody believe any of these people anymore? Do you?

You're a crumb creep. There you go. You're a crumb creep. There you go. The Big Apple was not one of those jurisdictions, even though our infection and hospitalization rates were lower than most counties in the state where indoor dining is permitted at 50% occupancy. Andrew Riggi, executive director of the New York City Hospitality Alliance, said in a statement, the New York State Restaurant Association has echoed Riggi's demand while also pressing Cuomo to lift the 10 p.m. curfew. He's the city that sleeps, the city that what is it? The city that sleeps all night. Yeah, that's it, Nick.

The city that never sleeps has to be in bed by 1030. Ohio governor, another one, Mike DeWine, frustrated restaurants in his state by announcing on Friday that he'd be cooking. No. That he would extend a 10 p.m. curfew. Oh, boy. On restaurants for a week. This is the silliest shit I've ever heard. The service limit was scheduled to expire on Saturday, but the Republican committed to easing the force shutdown until 11 p.m., ooh, starting January 30th. Massachusetts, my shitty home state, politically, 9.30 p.m. curfew was lifted by Governor Charlie Baker

as of today, but the Republican kept in place the state's 25% capacity, saying he'll reconsider an expansion to 50%. Oh, my God. Are these people drunk on power? I can't take it no more. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant.

Yes, it is. Michigan plans to impose a 10 p.m. curfew on restaurant service, a companion action to last week's decision to permit indoor dining at 25% of seating. If it's not dangerous for 25%, it's not dangerous for 50%. This is such a farce. Up to a maximum of 100 interior customers. Baltimore, ooh, and that's a fine dining area, lifted its suspension on all onsite dining as of Friday.

The only risk there is you get caught in a drive-by while you're having your fucking potato salad. Restaurants can now use up to 50% of their outdoor seating and 25% of indoor capacity. However, customers can remain, listen to this, customers can remain at the table for no more than one hour. What the fuck? And they must sign in and out to verify they were within that time frame. Oh my God. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. What in God's name?

God's name. Some guy calls up, you gave me food poisoning from that shitty taco. No, he didn't. Well, bullshit, check your list. I was there Tuesday night from nine to 10. Indoor dining was also reinstated in the District of Columbia, where interior seating was suspended

in part because of safety concerns stemming from last week's inauguration of Joe Biden as the nation's. So the only thing that could top COVID danger was, you know, the 11 white supremacists that don't exist. Restaurants in Philly, oh boy, what do you call a restaurant? Oh, it's a cheese steak. Restaurants in Philly were allowed to reopen at 25% of their indoor capacity starting January 16th. Elsewhere in the state, more than 100 restaurants have been closed by order. The State Department of Agriculture, what are they eating? Oats? For failing to follow Governor Tom Wolf's safety protocols, including mandates that employees and guests wear face masks, statewide

restaurants have a 50% capacity cap on indoor dining unless more stringent local requirements are in play do you see how mismatch and everybody's got this and and who decided on 25 oh that's how we keep the that's how we squash these small businesses i mean we live in we live in a time where the government left-wing government is doing business with oligarchs who used to hate each other. It's a very weird time. They want to crush you guys. You know that. Again, liberal mayors in most of those, right? They are drunk on power. And is there any more liberal mayor than this jagoff Portland mayor? Remember Ted Wheeler? Remember during the riots this summer? Look at the neckline on this ostrich prick. Remember during the riots? Do you remember? He told the cops to stand down. He got mad when they were going to fucking send in the national

guard. It's fucking who voted him in Portland mayor pepper sprays unmasked man. I'll repeat that. The mayor of Portland, Oregon. Pepper Spray, somebody who pays his salary. Portland Mayor Ted, terrible Ted Wheeler, blasted with Pepper Spray an unmasked man who confronted him. What the fuck? My eyes! And former mayor Sam Adams. Isn't that funny? I just mentioned to Sam.

We actually have one running them. Boy, it looks like the old Sam Adams. Nice red coat. You got one guy going one way, one guy's going the other way. Yeah, so what? Sam Adams with a video camera as the two left the pub, so what? Sam Adams with a video camera as the two left the pub.

So a stranger came up with a video camera filming them, which you have a right to do, Sunday night. That's what the two men told police. I wouldn't believe them. Wheeler said he told the person

who accosted him and Adams that the pair had eaten in a tented area of the pub, which does not require face coverings under current coronavirus restrictions, the report said. The man then followed Wheeler closely. And you say I wouldn't be for this, but you guys on the left, you opened this can of worms. Now deal with it.

You followed Ted Cruz into restaurants with his wife. You chased people out. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you chased these people. You started this shit. Only difference is, of course, that lefty politicians resort to violence. The man then followed Wheeler closely as he walked to his car. The mayor told police, and I don't believe what the fucking jerk off says, but I don't want to talk that fucking jerk off says, but. I don't want to talk to you. Get away from me.

The mayor said he had no face mask on and got within a foot or two of my face while he was videoing me. According to the place, but I became imminently concerned for my personal safety. The mayor continued. Remember, was it him that came out during the riots that he thought he was gonna get like a nice warm welcome remember they were pushing him around on a sidewalk the mayor continued i clearly informed him that he needed to back off he did not do so i informed him that i was carrying pepper spray, he stole a pepper mill from the fucking steakhouse he was at. And that I would use it if he did not back off.

He remained at close distance. I pulled out my pepper spray and I sprayed him in the goddamn eyes. My eyes! Look, I understand, right? But I have no sympathy for you because you're all for chaos and violence. You didn't give a fuck about the average person who didn't think your way politically during the riots. You put their lives in danger by telling the cops to step down. So fuck you.

I'm glad this guy scared you. I wish he had a blowtorch. Afterward, Wheeler said he provided the man with a bottle of water to rinse his face. Whaler told police he did not recognize the man who he and Adams both described as in his 40s and wearing dark clothing and glasses. Well, they didn't mention the race. Well, probably a black dude. But then again, it was Oregon.

I don't know. Anyways, the guy, you know, got too close to him. And this jerk off goes i don't care if you pay my salary who the fuck are you are you writing a book who the fuck are you details of the confrontation first service during a press conference monday morning when portland mercury reporter alex zalinski asked wheeler to confirm reports that he had pepper sprayed somebody the night before so they actually asked himeler to confirm reports that he had pepper sprayed somebody the night before. So they actually asked him about it. The mayor said he had filed a police report but

declined to provide any additional detail. The encounter marks the latest incident where individuals have aggressively confronted the mayor in public. Hey, are they wising up in Portland, Oregon? There are a few Republicans. I take this as great news. Earlier this month, a group of left-wing activists raucously accosted Wheeler while he was dining in a Northwest Portland restaurant. He can't even, he's getting it from both sides. A member of the group started swatting at Wheeler and made physical contact with him, his officers said at the time. Wheeler and made physical contact with him, his officers said at the time. He's getting it from both sides.

Demonstrators demanding Wheeler's resignation during the height of Portland's 2020 racial justice protest. Oh, is that what we're calling it? Smashed windows, set fires inside his condo building, prompting the mayor to move. He moved, big girl. Puss. Puss, pussy. You don't like it, huh? You don't like it when it comes to your condo. Meanwhile, you're sitting there watching small businesses burn,

being looted and shit with a heart on. How's it feel, batch? Portland's not the only place in the world right now with unrest or our country. COVID's starting to get a lot of people pissed all over the world. Because, you know, most countries are sort of taking the same approach. They're locking people in, which, by the way, proves there's no proof that that helps. Might even hurt. I think they said that, right?

Well, what other parts of the world? Well, how about the Netherlands? I think that's Holland. I? Well, what other parts of the world? Well, how about the Netherlands? I think that's Holland. I know I have a niece over there. Anyways, they got ugly. The last couple nights, they've been raised in hell. I've been watching these clips, and my big question is,

are those black people? I can't tell. I don't think there's any in Holland, which is stupid. Of course there are. But I don't know who's doing it. It could be a bunch of white youths who are very sick of being cramped up and shit. But it's getting ugly over there, and they're not playing around. Now, let me remind you, this isn't about racial injustice and shit. This is about COVID rules and how they feel like they're being trapped, which they are.

I'd like to see some of our people start. Watch these guys. I'll take a look at some of the footage here. Ooh. Get off that bridge. That's gasoline. Look at it. It's Henry Hill.

Hey, pause. hey pause one day some kids brought my mother's groceries home you know why out of respect it looks like henry hill when he torched the cars in the parking lot good lord they're blowing up bridges over there. And this just has to do with a mask. You see how angry people can get? Groups of youths confronted police in Dutch towns and cities Monday night, defying the country's coronavirus curfew and throwing fireworks. Police in the port city of Rotterdam used a water cannon and tear gas in an attempt to disperse the crowd of rioters. We have more footage. Is this the water cannon? Folks,

there's two people in this video, okay? What have I been crying for with social unrest in this country? Where are the water cannons? Israel uses them all the time. And watch this. It looks like maybe a lady with a guy. She's going to get fucking taken off her feet, and it's the reason why men should not compete against women in sports. But watch what this water cannon knocks her out. Go ahead. She's behind the guy. Oh!

Oh, goodness gracious! You got knocked the fuck out, man! Oh, man! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You got knocked the fuck out, man. Oh, man. Oh, goodness gracious. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Reminds me of an enema I got that was coffee. It wasn't water, though. That was terrific.

That's the shit we need, right? Why aren't we using that? We have more clips? Check out, man. They're pissed. This is about being forced to stay in and wear masks and shit. Watch. Oh, the police car is back.

That's insane. Look it. I added the piano for you guys. Little jazz. Yeah. Little violence going on. 97.6. Easy listening.

Police and local media reported trouble in the capital, Amsterdam, where at least eight people were arrested. The central city of Amsvoort, where a car was turned on its side, and other towns before and after the 9 p.m. p.m. having a curfew from 9 p.m. to 4 p.m. It was the second night of unrest in towns and and after the 9 p.m. PM having a curfew from 9.30 p.m. to 4.30 a.m. It was the second night of unrest in towns and cities across the Netherlands that initially grew out of

calls to protest against the country's tough lockdown, but degenerated into vandalism by crowds whipped up by messages swirling on social media. Does that sound familiar to you guys? Right? Why is everyone so fucking stupid why aren't more people interrogating like me rotterdam police said youths took the street

seeking confrontational police riot officers attempted to break up the violence and made a number of arrests before a firing tear gas police Police warned people to stay away from the area. National broadcaster NOS showed videos of police using a water cannon and reported that some shops have been looted. So once again, they're claiming the same thing. Most people out there peacefully, and then a certain element shows up. I don't know who that element would be over there, but in the southern town of Galeen, police tweeted that youths in the downtown area were throwing fireworks. Riot police charged that the protest is in the Hague. Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. Dutch media reported calls on social media for further violent protests, even as the country struggles to contain new coronavirus

infections, hospitalizations and deaths. You think people give a shit about that? Police in Southern Town of Gose and the North Holland province said they detained people on suspicion of using social media to call for rioting. That's funny. They're letting that stuff stay up on social media? Isn't that inciting? Oh, that only applies to white nationalists.

Yeah, right. What's the matter? What's the world coming to? It is unacceptable, Prime Minister Mark Rutt said earlier Monday of Rioting Sunday. This has nothing to do with protesting. This is criminal violence

and that's how we will treat it. Worst hit Sunday was the southern city of Eidenhoven, where police clashed with hundreds of rioters who torched a car, threw rocks, fireworks at others, smashed windows, and looted a supermarket at its railway station. So they're doing the same fagginess. That's faggot stuff. You want to call it by its name? That's strictly for fags.

The mayor said, my city is crying and so am I. Wow, this is good leadership. Eidenhoven Mayor John Jormutzma told reporters Sunday night in an emotional, impromptu news conference. He called the rioters the scum of the earth

and added, I'm afraid that if we continue down this path, we're on our way to a civil war. Sound familiar? Amsterdam police arrested 190 people amid rioting at a band demonstration on Sunday.

We have one final clip that tells you shit's going haywire over there. Hello, I'm Mr. Ed. A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse, of course, there is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Red. All right. Proving again that the rich people don't get arrested like poor people. Do you know I've seen that? I had a, you guys heard me tell you about the Meldons.

I grew up across the street from a mentally ill family. And a guy bought a pony for his daughter. He literally stuffed it in the back of the station wagon. The pony. pony i'm not then they tied it up in front of the house me and my buddy paul grant had lunch in my house one day right we hear yelling and screaming uh so we go out the back steps of my house out of the kitchen and took a left into our driveway what's coming right at us a fucking runaway horse right at us. We dove on the goddamn grass. Then he ran up the street and get hit by a car to end the show on a late note.

That is it, ladies and gentlemen. Again, don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast one of your friends or relatives or say happy birthday, go to cameo.com, click on my profile, fill out a little bit of information, and I'll make a personal video on my phone, give them a real beating or saying nice things about them, whatever you guys want. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. That's where my new home will be. Start signing up there a lot. All right. You guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow bye-bye everybody guitar solo I'm out.