The Nick DiPaolo Show - FBI: Chinese Planning US Attack | Nick Di Paolo Show #1519

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the Chinese threat, Putin's face, social media CEO's and more! Support the show & get a free bottle of Nugenix Total T when you text 231-231 & enter the keyword NICK. Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Hi, welcome to Spoons and Things. Hi, welcome to spoons and things. You know, I took care of my face today. I actually have this stuff that, you know, my pores are getting bigger than fucking the... Somebody come up with something funny? And look at fucking, I'm shining like a bitch. I think I'd rather clog pores than a dull, flat sheen. Look at that.

The fuck am I, wax? No one more putting makeup on. Look at that fucking candied apple. Anyways, how you doing, folks? Welcome to the show. Final day of the week for me in Dallas, at least. You guys can go back to the fucking mattress factory. What?

What kind of talk is that? All right already. My sister Gina had a foot operation, a group text. Jesus Christ, you'd think a shark took it off. Silence it. Well, I'd leave the conversation

because I'm retarded and 62. I can never remember how to get back in. I had to Google that this morning. Look at this. Just remove notifications. Look. Yeah. That is leave conversation.

There's a button right there that says leave conversation. That's what you're supposed to do. I had to Google this morning. Anyhow, it's a fucking foot's a mess. Cut off a bunion the size of a small pumpkin. That'll get you hard, huh, fellas? My sister. I hope she's not

watching the show. Anyways, where the fuck are we and what are we doing? It's a Thursday. I got nothing to say. I live a dog shit life. I took a Viagra last night. That's right. Shut up, folks.

I'm 62. I know young guys who take it because it makes your dick fucking happen. You can't feel anything. You're like paralyzed from the dick down. It stays hard, but it's a piece of wood. Louie wrote a bit on that on his show, Louie FX. It was about me getting a pack. I said something about, he goes,

I got a pack of Viagra in the mail today. I can't, is that gonna offend my wife? I can't remember what the fuck. And Louis goes, yeah, it makes your dick just like a piece of dead wood or whatever. I'm going into ways. Anyways, it fucking gave me heartburn so bad I didn't have sex.

What the fuck? And then I took a role later I got a hard-on. What's going on at Big Pharma? By the way, Big Pharma is the girl I was trying to fuck. A chick from Nebraska, about 450. Big Pharma. She's a big pharma and a big salesman. Anyways, let's get on with it since it's Thursday.

Then I can go home and wait for the Gutfeld show to send me shit. And it's what I do, folks. It's what I do. I have the work ethic of an Amish fellow, but I'm in show business, so that means like a lazy dude. Chinese takeout. I got this story. Should have jumped off the paper yesterday, if anybody's still reading those.

FBI Director Christopher Wray on Wednesday warned that Chinese hackers are preparing to wreak havoc and cause real world, these are in quotes, real world harm to the United States. And to that I say, well, whose fault is that? Right? Dummy. You're too busy looking for fake white supremacists. China's hackers are positioning on American infrastructure in preparation to wreak havoc and cause real world harm to American citizens and communities if or when,

this is him saying this, if or when China decides the time has come to strike, Ray told the House Select Committee. Let's take a look at this guy. Looks like he's right out of central casting. Like Team America, he would be the FBI. Look, and he's horrible. Well, I'll give you my theory, and me and Dale's have the same take on it. Here's the nut bag. Now, when I described the CCP

as a threat to American safety a moment ago, I meant that quite literally. There has been far too little public focus on the fact that PRC hackers are targeting our critical infrastructure, our water treatment plants, our electrical grid, our oil and natural gas pipelines, our transportation systems, and the risk that poses to every American requires our attention now. China's hackers are positioning on American infrastructure in preparation to wreak havoc and cause real world harm to American citizens and communities if and when China decides the time has come

to strike. Ask Hunter. He probably knows the guys that are doing it. Now, my immediate thing was, you've got to look at the big picture. Obviously, the elites in this country, the Department of Justice, all these assholes, the whatever you want to call it,

the deep state, they're obviously a mission to take this country down to its knees. You can't argue that with the way they're handling the legal justice system and all of it. So I'm going, why would he be telling us this now, you know? So when it does happen, and maybe it will be just the Chinese doing it, they'll say, go ahead, do it now or whatever. Do you guys understand I'm saying? And it's not a conspiracy theory. They're trying to take this country down and the whole West and our way of life. So kind of wonder, you know, I mean, we had a guy in the military, the black guy, Austin.

Oh, was it? No. Mark Milley, who called the Chinese guy and said, don't worry, we're not going to bomb you. So why wouldn't I fucking believe your working hand in hand? I mean, again, folks, to fuck up our way of life here. It's weird. So now when you announce it beforehand, then you can say, we told you, it's a Chinese. Nick, that's crazy. No, it isn't.

No, that used to be silly talk. No more. The Chinese government has previously denied allegations of hacking efforts. Oh, let's crazy. No, it isn't. No, that used to be silly talk. No more. The Chinese government has previously denied allegations of hacking efforts. Oh, let's take their word for it. The hearing comes in. They also told me that my fucking lawn furniture last two years. M&M. The hearing comes in the wake of a big push by U.S. and Chinese officials to ease tension in the relationship between the two superpowers. That's how you ease tension, by announcing that. Chinese President Xi Jinping assured jerk-off Biden that China would not interfere in the 2024 U.S. election.

CNN buys that shit. They said that on Tuesday. That assurance was reiterated by the Chinese foreign minister. Jesus Christ. Please tell me you're kidding. To Biden's national security advisor this past weekend. Yeah, and Stalin and Hitler both signed a non-aggression pact. And that worked out well. Oh, shit.

And I signed one with my wife. Look how that worked out. She's in a shelter right now with a chipped tooth. Biden's son, Hunter Biden. Oh, my God. I forgot about Dallas. That was a nice ad. Non-aggression pack.

Suck it. Here's a quick hit for you. Putin's puss. We were going to show this yesterday. Vladimir Putin was caught on camera pulling strange faces. Pulling? I know. For where?

Exactly. What's he, silly putty? Pulling strange faces during a high-profile meeting. This is a snapshot of what he was frigging doing, and you're going to wonder what's going on here. Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. He's supposed to be dead. He had Parkinson's the last time.

This could be an AI guy. Seriously, man, it is dangerous. Anyways, the Russian president was sitting alongside close ally Alexander Lukashenko, the president of Belarus, while Putin usually cuts a stony-faced demeanor, he repeatedly sprung into wide-eyed gazes and other unusual facial expressions. Let's take a look at this. Watch his face. But then he's smiling.

I just translated what that last guy said. What the fuck's with the phasers? How about, didn't he look like, can we do that again? Go ahead, do it again. He looks like Johnny Carson after they did a sketch and embalmed, and he hands the script to Ed McMahon. Watch. Rough stuff. That's Ed McMahon.

You're correct, sir. Holy shit. Remember last time we saw him? He was doing one of those. Hey, you guys, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about, we didn't get to this yesterday, I teased it, another plagiarism scandal at Harvard involving a black woman because, again,

we appointed people in over their head. Also, I'll tell you what the squad said that's shocking, even for them, those hateful whores, who I don't believe were elected, and I don't know how they still sit in Congress, but they said something that even will make you raise your eyebrows for them. That's exclusively, you guys know, on Mug Club. And if you want that, you've got to go to Nick DiPaolo or NickDip.com. Make it easy for you to join.

Go to Mug, go to NickDip.com, sign up for you to join go to mug go to nickdip.com sign up for mug why am I saying it have another drink fucking heartburn's got in my head Jesus I'm shining like a colored kid's eye look at that I didn't want to put on makeup working on my skin

I have an evening competition coming up. What? Anyways, the two leaders met in St. Petersburg. In Russia to discuss those. And one guy had to leave. He was laughing so hard. That was very odd, wasn't it? I thought it was kind of strange.

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We thank them for sponsoring the show today. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy

at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let's move on. Grill marks, marks, end quote, unquote. Parents of children,

a lot of big news yesterday. Parents of children victimized on social media, shamed the CEOs of America's most prominent platforms as they entered a Senate hearing Wednesday with many family members holding pictures of their deceased, this is really sad, or scarred children while an emotional impact video was played. An audible hiss spread from the gallery as the CEOs filed into their seats and the parents skewered them with penetrating glares. On hand at the Heron were Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg and, you know, and election thief. TikTok CEO Shuchu. You should too. Ex-CEO. i forgot i was gonna say it's not that's right that's how smart elon is i'm not gonna take the bullet ex-ceo not x's and x you know twitter now ex-ceo linda

yaccarino snap inc ceo evan spiegel and discord ceo j Citron. Once the execs entered the crowd, the crowd raised photos of their children who had either committed suicide or been psychologically damaged after being victimized by predators they met on Facebook and Instagram. The first senator to speak was our boy Lindsey Graham, and here's what he had to say. Gavin's son got online with Instagram and was tricked by a group in Nigeria. He's a fag. They put up a young lady. Graham, not the kid.

Posing to be his girlfriend, and as things go at that stage in life, he gave her some photos, compromising sexual photos, and it turned out that she was part of an extortion group in Nigeria. They threatened the young man that if you don't give us money, we're going to expose these photos. He gave them money, but it wasn't enough. And then I gave him some money to send them to me. God, they're good.

They threatened Mr. Guffey and a son. Threatened to kill the kid. These are bastards by any known definition. Mr. Zuckerberg, you and the companies before us, I know you don't mean it to be so, but you have blood on your hands. You have a product. You have a product that's killing people. It's kind of hard to argue.

I wish I invented that though. I wouldn't be working at Chuck E. Cheese tonight doing a bachelorette party. The CEOs were then shown a gut wrenchwrenching video of parents and victims sharing their experiences of sexual abuse on social media. One of them said, I was sexually exploited on Facebook. I was sexually exploited on Instagram. I was sexually exploited on X. Said a lineup of victims, some with their faces visible,

others blacked or blurred out to protect their identities, which I understand. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Oh, for Christ's sake. My son Riley died from suicide after being sexually exploited on Facebook, said Mother Mary Rohde as she held up a photo of her son who, in 2021, killed himself just six hours after a predator coerced him into sharing explicit images online and then blackmailed him.

I reported this issue numerous times, said a woman whose identity was obscured in the footage. It took more than a decade before anybody helped me. Think about that. Then Senator Josh Hawley. This guy's a pit bull. He really dislikes the left, and I would vote him in. I want him. Well, he's a senator.

That's fine. But I'd like him under Trump somewhere where he could hurt somebody. Josh Hawley, I think he grilled Zuckerberg hard. Here's the first clip of Holly versus Zuckerberg. You've got families from across the nation whose children are either severely harmed or gone, and you don't think it's appropriate to talk about steps that you took? The fact that you didn't fire a single person? Let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this. Have you compensated any of the victims? Sorry? Have you compensated any of the victims? These girls, have you compensated them? I don't believe so. Why not? Don't you think they deserve some compensation for what your platform has done? Help with counseling services? Help with dealing with the issues that your service has caused? Our job is to make sure that we build tools to help keep people safe. Are you going to compensate them? Senator, our job and what we take seriously is making sure that we build industry-leading tools to find harmful content,

take it off the services, and to build tools that empower parents. So you didn't take any action. You didn't take any action. You didn't fire anybody. You haven't compensated a single victim. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. There's families of victims here today. Have you apologized to the victims? Would you like to do so now?

They're here. You're on national television. Would you like now to apologize to the victims who have been harmed by your product? Show them the pictures. Would you like to apologize for what you've done to these good people? Get this through your head. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. And you know, I like Jews, so stop it out there. God, I'm shiny. Um, how fucking, I mean, were those direct? He didn't really have any answers, did he?

So, so. Here's his half-assed apology. Yeah. He stood up and apologized. I didn't show it though, right? I think this is it. No, it isn't because unless you, because you couldn't really hear him.

He had his back to the mics, but he did stand up and said a few words. I mean, very few that, you know, could consider an apology. Anyhow, so here's Holly. Before I go into it, you guys on Mug Club right now, stick around to see this. It's going to be on the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, so you wouldn't miss stuff like this. And you're going to get Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And also, check out my date right now, May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, date right now. May 11th.

Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. Already got over 400 tickets sold and it's months away. Good sign, baby. Come on, Jersey. I won't take all that they hand me down and make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town

Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed I'm like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job

I'm like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I see you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else