The Nick DiPaolo Show - FBI & The Missing Reporter | Nick Di Paolo Show #1293

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

National Pronoun Day. KJP Clueless Again. James Gordon Meek "Disappeared". Italian Child Phenom. Dirtbike Ambush. Jerk off Jerk's off.

Hey folks, make sure to see me in Florida, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Missouri. Get dates and tickets at nickdip.com and click on tour. I'll be telling jokes in all those states. guitar solo Oh yeah. How are you folks? Welcome final show of the week. Once again, we are at Thursday. Mother of God. And I'm aging at Mach speed.

I got the flannel on today. Broke that out finally. A nice little nip in the air. It's so beautiful down here this time of year. Afternoons, it kicks up to 68, 72. Are you kidding? I am in heaven. Anyhow, what the

fuck else? Also, real quick baseball update. Look out for them, goddamn. Well, I said it. I said Houston's going to win the World Series a while ago. Even at the beginning of the year when the Yankees, that's when I said it, when the Yankees run that roll.

But I saw that nobody was talking about Houston, and they were breathing down their necks the whole time. And I know, you know, they're just good, man. I don't know. But the Padres and the Phillies, and I'm not giving up on the Yanks either, I've got to be honest, but I just think Houston's the best team left. And Aaron Judge made a great – this guy's 6'8", 270 or whatever, 280, and he moves like he's 5'10", 180.

He made a beautiful diving catch last night, and then he's on his knees, he throws it, and he's like Herman Munster. He's on his knees. He throws it. He's like Herman Munster. He's on his knees from the outfield. He hits the cutoff. It's fucking bizarre, man. And I love Manny Machado. I used to hate him because, you know, he's at Oriole. And he spiked Dustin Pedroia and fucked up.

And, you know, he was always a punk. Even players on his team didn't like him sometimes. But he's sort of growing up a little bit, and he's just a goddamn Hall of Famer. I don't care what anybody says. Anyways, enough of that. I know you gay people don't like sports. Or Jews.

Why do you say that, Nick? I don't know. Well, they own the teams. They don't have to. Nick, again, that's a stereotype. Okay, whatever you say. Just trying to stir the shit pot. Speaking of shit pot,

and I didn't mean to segue like that, I was just telling Dallas, last night I make myself a nice New York strip, broiled it, nice dry rub on it. What you do is you put a little bit, a little bit of brown sugar in the dry rub. Not so it's sweet, but what that does, it burns, it chars.

I put it under the broiler an inch from the flame It was only about three quarters room steak Three minutes at one side two on the other and then you let it simplify. I like it medium-rare. I like it red Perf dude. It was as good a steak as I've ever had and And then I made spinach for myself try to be a little healthy and then I felt fine I'm like I'm watching sports, doing some stories, looking at Gutfeld shit.

All of a sudden, gurgle, gurgle. Doesn't feel like any... Darn it. Yeah, yeah. It started as a darn it. Then I was the Kittner boy two seconds later. The gurgling of the stuff. And again, I'm like, oh, I feel a little pressure down there.

I'm not trying to be graphic, folks. I'm great at talking about poop stories without saying, that's what Quinn always said. And so then I, you know, and I'm like, uh-oh, there's something there. And just pure water. Every time I do that, I think of the beginning of Beverly Hillbillies, black gold, Texas tea.

I don't like peeing out my ass. There's supposed to be some friction there. It feels weird. It's like I have a vagina for a second, which, God forbid, I wouldn't get any use out of that. But it's pouring out. And then it takes like three rolls of brawny to clean it up. It's in the back of my hair. And sorry, folks, I'm just telling you. And so I'm like, I have to be empty. And I'm so drained, I lay on the bed and start to nod. Ever take one of those? There's a line in Glengarry Glen Ross, Pacino's Carrots.

It goes, I would take a dump if you felt like going to sleep for a month. So I lay on the bed near the bathroom upstairs, knowing that maybe, and sure enough, About, I'd say, 40 minutes later And I felt fine, I feel a little prickle in there Again, just gushing out What did I, did I poison myself? I don't get it And then I was thinking, yeah

The spinach is trying to clear you out Well, that's right, the spinach I had eaten five slices of pizza the night before I know I didn't clear out of the way. So the spinach is like, what's all this traffic? I got to get out of here. Let's go. Let's go, God damn it.

I was passing stuff from fourth grade. I swear to God, I recognize a pizza, some chili from the fourth grade Riverside school. It was the weirdest. Of course, I was shredded after. I'm looking in the mirror. Look at me. I'm fucking cut. And just, but what a weird, and you don't, I finally knew it was over after. I think it was the third sitting, we'll call it. You got to hear that, that kind of a

kazoo at the end. That's how, that was pretty good, wasn't it? If you don't hear that, you're not done yet. But the cleanup, you know, God could have done better. I don't like the way he, the pee thing, okay, but I don't like the way the plumbing he did. I just, I just, I don't look forward to going number two. Why am I talking like I'm on ABC at 8 o'clock? I just don't like it. God could have done better.

I don't know. He should have made it so. He should have gave us like a little plastic bag dispenser right where our tailbone is, and you just crap into that, and you reach back and tie it off and throw it, and there's no wiping or nothing. Anyways, that's enough. Enjoy your sandwich while you're watching the show. Hope you're having beef stew. All right, but anyways, I'm lighter today. I guess that's the point. Let's get to the, that was the biggest news of the day. I'm sorry.

Let's, the first story, they, in quotes, that's me, are cocksuckers. You know, as in he, she, him, my pronouns are they. They are cocksuckers. Leftist lawmakers supported the LGBT agenda on Wednesday by sharing their preferred pronouns. Oh, God. I don't understand. It's one thing if the people believe it, but the people that are leading you believe in this, or again, they don't intentionally. They shared their preferred pronouns while making International Pronouns Day. You got to be kidding. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not making it up. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. International Pronouns Day. Did anybody know that? The woke lawmakers assert what assholes, what absolute, if you vote Democrat, and it's that easy, you're an asshole.

The woke lawmakers asserted that using someone's correct pronouns shows respect. Hey, faggot, I respect your rights. They, they are. They, they are. But in fact, radical gender ideology actually defies the truth, reality, and objective biology. Exactly. Should be the end of the article. Pronouns are not a preference.

They are someone's true identity as we celebrate Pronouns Day. Let's commit to respecting people's gender identities. Using someone's correct pronouns is an easy way to be an ally. Rep Jan Schakowsky of Illinois tweeted. Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Of course, she looks like Nick Saban. She looks like Nick Saban in Fourth and Long. The down by 20 against Tennessee.

Look at that painful look on her face. Oh my God. Give me a break. So you recognize the key word in this article is respect. You heard it once. It's international pronouns. These are politicians speaking out that like it. A reminder to ask for pronouns and show, again, there's the word respect, by using those that people prefer. Together we can celebrate people's multiple intersecting identities. Rep Andy Levin of Michigan tweeted today, I joined the LGBTE, oh, equity caucus, and recognizing hashtag pronouns day. Do you see? Again, the word respect in there. Referring to people by their preferred pronouns is about showing respect and honoring how individuals choose to present themselves. Every person should be treated with dignity.

Rep Gwen Moore of Wisconsin tweeted right after she did her Halloween makeup. Yeah! How about this? Here's some respect for you. Fetch me a sandwich in the kitchen, you fat maid. How's that?

My name, here's the one that got me the most. Ed Markey is the biggest, he's even a liberal jerk off of Massachusetts. He's been around forever. My name's Senator Ed Markey and my pronouns are he, him, his, you forgot fucking it, shit, fuck, stain, cock. I know those are adjectives. On International House of Pancakes Day, pronouns, International Pronouns Day, and every day,

we must treat everyone with dignity and respect. Do you see what they're doing, folks? Yes. So in other words, if you don't do this, you're being disrespectful. Could you make us hate each other any... Understand? I mean, you've already diced us up into black, white, Hispanic, yellow, blah, blah.

Then you diced us up into gay, straight. Now it's trans, blah, blah, blah. And again, if you don't fall... You can't... If you want to refer to yourself as they, he, whatever the fuck, that's fine. But you can't force me to take part in a charade that you came up with that has no basis in biological fact. Go fuck your mother.

That's how I'm going to refer to you. Call me Giant Grizzlecock Nick. Seriously. I'm not going to call you they or whatever you want. Didn't say it had to be true. This includes using the correct pronouns. Let's create a world where everyone can live comfortably. Oh, my God. Here's what drives me nuts and keeps me up at night.

Do they know what they're doing or do they really, some, I really think some of them believe it. In other words, you have to know. Laying in bed thinking everybody's uncomfortable if you don't refer to them as the pronoun they want. When did that happen? You've been telling us trans people have been around forever,

thousands of years. Well, when did this happen? We still outnumber you 98 to one ratio wise, so fuck off. The senator from Massachusetts, why don't you take a fucking date for a ride in Cape Cod and end up... Ugh. He tweeted that.

You know what, Ed? Fuck you and fuck you. Who's next? I just... I got to add you to... KJP. You go like, what's that? Is that a... I don't know.

Karine Jean-Pierre, left winger for the Montreal Canadiens. Once again, proven when you hire somebody by gender, sexual preference, whatever, skin color, this is what you get. I feel bad for, I honestly, God, I do. This poor girl is so out of her frigging league. I do and I don't. She could have turned down the job, but no, she wanted me to the first, first, first. And she looks so clueless once again. And I'm telling you, White House Press Secretary KJP, we'll call her, appeared not to know President Joe Biden's past statements about the oil industry when she was confronted by the only guy doing his

job in the room for the last two years, Peter Doocy of Fox News. He confronted her on high gas prices. Just look at her hair. It says this. That's her. Look at that's her face 24-7. She does not want to do this. She knew a weekend. She's like, I'm over my head. If somebody threw her a life preserver today, she'd be like, I'm out of here. Thank you very much. Jean-Pierre made the comments during Wednesday's media briefing at the White House after the president announced an additional release from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, which

is already dangerously low, I was told, by my oil guy, Kevin, reserves in an attempt to relieve high gas prices ahead of the midterms. So Peter Docey is going to say, what makes you think? Do I have him saying that? Yeah, first video is him, is the whole exchange. Yes. Second one is the actual. Yeah, here's the exchange, Peter Docey asking her this question and her just, she's exasperated the minute he raises his hand. You can see.

I mean, she's nice and she should be because he's not acting like Jim Costa did. Remember Jim Costa? I said, I did. What am I, Italian? Like a Jim Costa, I did. Watch this exchange above fucking oil. Thank you, Kareem.

So you're asking oil companies to further lower gas prices. What makes you think that they are going to listen to an administration that is ultimately trying to put them out of business? How is the administration trying to put them out of business? Well, they produce fossil fuels, and this president says he wants to end fossil fuels. So look, you kind of asked me this question yesterday, and here's where we would... And I laid in bed and came up with this lie. I was tossing and turning with two other lesbians,

and we came up with it. Go ahead. U.S. oil production is up and on track to reach a record high next year. We've seen that from their, from when we see their profit margins. They are, they, you know, it's record high. And so, in fact, the United States... It's top of mind.

Other people are saying that now on leftist channels. Other people are using it, proving they're all in cahoots excuse me oh my goodness they're all in cahoots i've heard people on msnbc abc nbc say top of mind you guys have never heard that fucking phrase before she said it's not a phrase she made it up or even if it was it didn't exist in this country but just that's how lockstep they are anyways go ahead to digress i'm sorry has produced more oil in president biden's first year than under trump's administration's first year but at the same time can you imagine saying that and maybe that's true but with the

fracking and everything that was going on we were energy independent can you imagine her having to say that we're doing better than trump did did when it comes to oil and energy. Can you imagine having the... Go ahead. It's not fair to her. Companies are raking in record profits while more than 9,000 approved drilling permits remain untapped by the oil industry. There is no shortage of opportunity or incentive for oil companies to ramp up production. This is something that they can actually do. It is available to them. They can do this. And also, they are getting the profits. And so because they're getting, I just showed 60 cents on the chart.

Okay, I can't take anymore. I can't. What we've got here is failure to communicate. Okay. I can't. I can't. Again, she reminds me of me taking an essay question. She brought the shovel and just wrecked

something they can't do. She said, excuse me, can we get back to what I fucking asked you? Because it hasn't changed. The Republican National Committee responded immediately by posting video with Biden's comments promising to stop fracking in the U.S. and saying that he would end fossil fuels. I don't know how she wasn't.

She probably wasn't. She probably wasn't even. She didn't probably watch debates. But she has no idea that her boss said this just a little while ago about fossil fuels. Good. No more drilling on federal lands. No more drilling, including offshore. No ability for the oil industry to continue to drill.

Period. And it went on and on. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. It went on and on and on and on. And he said it a million times. We're going to end fossil fuels.

She's like, why would you say that, Peter? Oh, my God. Even more bizarre was the fact that Jean-Pierre herself told Doocy back in June that the administration still intended to end U.S. reliance on fossil fuels. She's in over her head. June that the administration still intended to end U.S. reliance on fossil fuels.

She's in over her head. You know what? You've got to give props to the Red Beaver that left. She was pretty slick. Having to defend this idiot and their policy. The Biden administration has tried to blame high gas prices and other increasing costs of the war in Ukraine, the pandemic,

his sister-in-law, the New York Knicks, plant protein diets. Anyways, but polls show that many more Americans blame Biden's policies than they do other causes. You snotty little bastard. Fuck you. We know what's going on, Joe. You snotty little bastard. Fuck you. We know what's going on, Joe. Ha ha ha! Point in the f- Has there ever been a bigger disaster as a president ever? If you're gonna be a shitty president, you gotta at least be a good liar. But again, it's not him. He's being pushed out there like Hannibal Lecter on his thing.

You feel the tingling in the nipple? Stupid bitch. Not her, him. Anyways, I feel bad for her. She's getting schooled. I wonder if Big Red gives her a call and goes, look, get out of there. Guy's going down. Why do we keep saying that he's not going to run in 2024? How about midterm he jumps out?

Do they have to wait? I don't know. Folks, let's change the subject to me. Let me roast your buddy or say happy birthday to your mom. I did last year. We did more than say happy birthday. Your mom. Exactly. She called me last week, said she's still sore. No, not from sex. I pushed her out of a moving car, dropping her off after we went to Fuddruckers. Anyways,

Dallas has the link on the, a cameo, I didn't even mention. Cameo is where I roast. Dallas has the link on the screen. Go there and you can see some of the cameos I've done and order one yourself.

Apparently, they're not very impressed. I haven't heard from people. Or just go to cameo and search my name. That's how it goes, though. It goes in drip. I'll get five in a week, and then, you know, that's how it is.

It's Joe's economy. I'll blame him like he blames everybody else. It's not my filthy mouth. Let's move on to a headline called Fishy Business, Inc. Take the first three letters, FBI. Nick, very clever. Thank you. As you know, the FBI is dirty, Inc. Take the first three letters. FBI. Nick, very clever. Thank you. As you know, the FBI is dirty, dirty.

Right now, they're a dirty, dirty agency that needs a real cleaning, house cleaning. And Emmy, listen to this. This one put hairs on you. An Emmy-winning investigative journalist went missing after the FBI raided his Virginia home and seized classified information from his laptop in April. He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it. James Gordon Meek. Meek Miller, 52 years old, that's him,

went missing after the feds raided his Arlington penthouse apartment, the Rolling Stone. Rolling Stone? Is that where we're getting the... Hello? Nobody home? Hello? Hello? Mr. Meek? Are you there? Anybody there? Meek produced the Hulu documentary, 3212, Unredacted, that's the name of it, which detailed the 2017 Pentagon cover-up of the deaths, I remember hearing about this, but I never looked into, of U.S. Special Forces in Niger, Africa. The lightning raid was conducted after a search warrant was approved by a federal magistrate judge in Virginia Eastern District Court. If agents got hold of Meek's records, this is a quote, the move would have had to have been approved by U.S. Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco, the New York Post reported. Meek's attorneys lashed out

at the U.S. government for leaking information to Rolling Stone. That's how they let you know, don't fuck with us. The allegations in your inquiry, this is the attorney talking, are troubling for a different reason. They appear to come from a source inside the government, This is the attorney talking. Yet that's all this administration's done. Unbelievable. We hope that the Department of Justice, this is the lawyer talking for Meeks again, promptly investigates the source of this leak. Yeah, well, since your client's missing, I do too. Meeks' last public statement was in the form of a tweet on April 27th when he said, go Red Sox. No, his colleagues at ABC said Meek fell off the face of the earth.

That's a nice way of putting it. The magazine cited, I'm guessing he was pushed off the face of the earth. The magazine cited sources familiar with the matter as saying that federal agents found classified information on Meek's laptop home computer. If such documents exist as claimed this is the lawyer talk and this would be within the scope of his long career as an investigative journalist covering government wrongdoing the attorney told rolling stone um that's weird um dallas knew a little about this because he's a military fella and uh we'll show you the trailer of the documentary. You watched it, right? Did you say you watched it? I haven't watched the documentary. I actually saw the actual footage that was collected from the incident.

And it makes your blood boil. It's graphic. But here's the trailer for the documentary. It's a big story. I was sitting here watching TV, and somebody knocked on the door. It was a captain and a master sergeant. They were in dress blues and I knew. I just said, no, no, no. What a horrible feeling. At that point it's shock.

I don't really even remember reaction. All I can say is no. No. October 6, 2017 was a day I think I went insane. We asked why did these four men lose their lives and no one would give us an answer. The autopsy report was where it really started clicking that something didn't add up. What they were being told and what we were being told were two different things.

Because they know that mission went horribly wrong and it was going to be a lot of fingers to point and to blame. They spent months and months and months trying to formulate a damn story that they thought would protect their ass. The team inaccurately portrayed the first of three total missions on 3 and 4 October. It's all about the club. It's all about circling the wagons

around the senior leadership. The Army let me down. They let my son down. And then they lied about it. I'm going to be checking out of fucking government. I'm going to be checking that out. Fucking government.

It reminds me of, you know, what's the guy's name? I remember the military. Tillman. Tillman. Pat Tillman. Pat Tillman, a great football player. He was actually killed by friendly fire, I guess, or whatever. And that was covered up.

I mean, this isn't no to the military, my point being. No, I was there when it all went down, and they shut down the communications from Salerno, which is where we were based. Ay, ay, ay, ay. Salerno? What is that? FOB Salerno, Fort Operating Base.

The Italian Special Forces started it, and we moved in shortly after and took it from them and made it what it became later, which was a giant base. But you call it Salerno, right? Is that the name of the Ford Operating Base? Yeah. That's a freak. Ay-yi-yi. Anyways, can you imagine getting that knock on the door? I can't.

I can't. Ah, you wonder why people hate governments and whatnot. Anyways, let's move on. Speaking of Italian, nice segue here. Kind of sad, but true. Gifted Guinea. Who wrote that 30? Oh, I did.

Gifted Guinea's the headline. Five-year-old Alberto Cartuccia Colani C-I is C-I in Italian right yeah Cingolani looks like a fucking looks like one of the beach boys performing get this five years old performing a little Mozart okay a little Mozart folks that's right he's five years old this creeps me out okay um let's watch and I shall comment. This kid's going to get a lot of broads in third grade. What? This is fucking insane to me. You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. Even his understanding of dynamic range there at fucking five.

The fact, yeah, that's all impressive, dynamic range and how he transitions with his core. But, you know, in the end, he pees himself at the end of the song. They don't show you pee. Then he poo-poos his pants and everybody boos. Then he poo-poos his pants and everybody boos. Boo! Boo! I said to Dallas, I'd like to dress as Mozart and sit in the back and go, Boo! Bet you missed in the boo! Unfrigging real.

Now here's my cynical, and again, I know he's the real deal because his father, website, the family, people went live. But I'm just saying, because I watch young guitar prodigies on YouTube, and they show nine-year-old Asian girl playing Clapton better than Clapton, or whatever the fuck, or playing, you know, same thing, just freakish skills or whatever. And I'm like, deepfake video? But not with this kid, because he's Italian. They'd never lie. Have you seen the Asian trap set chick

who plays a lot of hard fucking rock songs? Of course. She's always wearing the skimpy outfit. Yes! What, are you kidding me? In between that and pelvic exams on YouTube, I'm up till 4 a.m. Dude, I saw this and I smashed one of my guitars. I have two. I just went out in the back of the, we have an alley in the back. We just smashed the shit out of it. It's freakish. Five-year-old Italian piano prodigy,

Cartuccia Cigalani, Alberto, stunned audiences at the 10th International Music Competition in Penne, even the town, Abruzzo. You know why that's important to the story, folks? That's where my grandparents are from. Abruzzo. Penne. My grandfather grew up in Rigatoni and my grandmother, Mustacholi Avenue on fucking Marinara Boulevard, with a massive rendition of Mozart's Piano Sonata,

number 16 in C major. I do it in C minor, it's a bitch. I can't imagine. I get a little Casio. I do this shit in between shows. Look at him. He knows how good he is. You get the look on his face. Wait till you see the pussy I'm going to get. The video of the performer quickly went viral online. It's nice to see something positive, you know,

instead of a lady stomping a cat's head with high heel. Garnering over 5 million views on Twitter. The kid's a fucking protege, a genius. I am like God and God like me. I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I. But he's here, baby.

Mozart, number 16. 17th century. Based in the March region in central Italy, Cingalani comes from a musical family. His father was the drummer for the Rolling Stones for two years, and his sister was in Guns N' Roses, kicked off of fentanyl before it was hip. Now, his father worked as a teacher in the Lombardi region, and his mother's from Belichick. You know, his mother is singing. She's a singing

instructor. When their son was three years old, they introduced him to the piano and quickly spotted his natural affinity for the instrument. Yeah, but he's only five. You got to grow up. You're not a kid anymore. Yeah, I am. I'm fucking five. They began with practice sessions.

I want, please tell me they filmed the practice sessions. I want to see the look on not the parent's face, the instructor when the kid fucking was better than him on day one. There's got to be footage of that. A teacher hanging himself on a tree. They began with practice sessions lasting 10 minutes,

smart, and gradually increased as Chingalani matured. Matured? Kid ain't got no hair on his pencil for another 10 years. Even though he couldn't read music, I knew he was a dummy, when he started and is in fact still learning,

he has what they call absolute pitch. I guess the fuck. But still. Which is the ability to identify and recreate any musical tone. Yeah, I mean, here in America, we call it perfect pitch. That's right. I have perfect pitch.

I did last night after I ate my steak. Sound like Louis Armstrong doing a solo. I had perfect pitch last night. My wife's like, is that Duke Ellington? No. Anyways, what freaked me out, I was telling Dallas, I went to high school with a kid named Paul. I won't say his last name.

He was a couple years older than me, and he was autistic. They didn't know back then really what autism was. But looking back on it, there's no doubt. He sounded just, he talked just like, yeah, yeah. And he would do this. He'd rock back and forth while he was standing, and do this with his hand. He'd go, yeah, yeah. Long story

short, his older brother had a party at his house, and he goes, Paul, play some piano for the guys. We're all drinking and shit, and we sit down going, this is going to be hilarious. Fucking kid was like Liberace. Everybody just like, an hour later, we're like this, hey guys, want to go to Billy's house?

We're singing 100 Barrels of Beer on the Wall. He's banging out fucking motes. It was freakish. Guy couldn't look you in the eye, couldn't talk that well, and just played the, what? Why music? Why couldn't I have been born like, couldn't talk that well, and just played the... Why music? Why couldn't I have been born like that as far as

fucking goes? Well, I guess you have to reach puberty before you can... Imagine I'm humping my teddy bear at four, and they're like, look at his skills. That's where you get giant grizzle cock, Mick. That's right. That's where I'll be labeled at. That's my pronoun.

Anyways, it's not even a pronoun. Hey guys, make plans to come and see me on the road. Here's where I'll be and when. I read these every day because people, 80, 70% of the people listen to the show.

And anyways, November 11th at Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida. November 12th, the next night, Snappers Comedy Club, Fort Myers,

Florida. The next night after that, Sunday, November 13th, Side Split, it's Comedy Club, Tampa, Beach, Florida. November 12th, the next night, Snapper's Comedy Club, Fort Myers, Florida. The next night after that, Sunday, November 13th, Side Split, it's Comedy Club Tampa, Florida, I think. I don't know. It's a Sunday or Saturday. January 13th and 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. Can't wait to

do that. I was in Kentucky years ago. I had a foursome with Mitch McConnell, his wife, and DeMarcus Cousins. That's what I, they asked me to make a promo. Did I already tell you that one? And that's what I put. Tommy said, mention Kentucky basketball and whatever, you know, once again he's telling me how to be fun. So I combined them both. February 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club in Lowell, Arkansas. I am excited because I haven't, I don't think I've performed in Kentucky or Arkansas.

I'm crossing off the states, and like I said, I'm not going to fucking Alaska for anybody. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City, which is a great meat and bones club. Kansas City, Missouri. You can get tickets to all those shows at nickdip.com. of Kansas City, which is a great meat and bones club. Kansas City, Missouri. You can get tickets to all those shows at nickdip.com. Click on that tour button. Let's move on, shall we? It's a good show.

I might turn this one into the, you know what, the comedy channeling. Dirt bags on dirt bikes. This is not just happening in Philadelphia. Matter of fact, I was on the phone with Colin Quinn last week, and I could hear him in the background, bikes, the brothers, got a new toy to terrorize people with. A gang of dirt bike ATV riders were caught on video surrounding police at a Philadelphia gas station Sunday night, and police said the riders threw bricks and bottles at the cops. Hey, can I ask you something, black people? No offense. This goes to the parents of people this age. Should I say parent?

Did you take a second? Did you take one second to parent your kids? Even once to say that's wrong or that's right? Were you ever fucking home? I can't take it anymore. Every day it's even worse. And did you, what do you just have them and throw them out? Let them be raised by aunt fucking Angela. What the fuck do you do that this so, oh, I would love to say this to a fucking crowd. I don't give a fuck of libs. Bring me out to Berkeley election. What do you do? Is it all right to ask that question about the black structure of the family and how it disintegrated in the 60s

and has only gotten worse? And I know it's because the Democrats help you. You know, I hope you're snapping out of it, but I've never seen anything like it. And don't give me this shit about fucking slavery and economic problems. There's a lot of poor Asian Indians and white people too, and they don't act like fucking savages.

I read the paper every day today. Shit in New York, I can't even mention it on the show because we're trying to have some fun here. It's fucking insane. Oh, Nick, could you be any more racist? Stunningly ignorant you know what slavery did to the get the fuck out

yeah they're the only ones who ever been oppressed in their life anyways back to the fun anyways that kid on the right fucking throws a brick at that windshield police was still looking for the culprits Wednesday as it turns out the city has no pursuit policy for such vehicles and you know what when I read that I, I went, then good, fuck them. And it's not the cops, by the way.

It's Larry Krasner, that fucking psycho lib, fucking Soros-appointed DA who lets this shit go on. Folks, you do understand that. You can't chase those vehicles. You've got to be kidding me. You see, that's all intentional to unravel society as we know it, I hope. Let's take a look at these idiots. Oh, we didn't have any.

I'll provide a... Watch the kid on the right. Right there. Throws the brick off the cop car. And they actually surrounded the cops themselves. See the cop with his gun out? How'd you like... Here it is in instant replay.

Here comes jerk off. Here you go. Okay? But the cops aren't allowed to chase those. Does that make any... Do you understand? I can't even. I don't even know how to comment.

As Howard Cosell said when Larry Holmes was beating the shit out of some white guy, this savagery deserves no commentary. And he sat silent for like a fucking... It was Tex... What was that guy? deserves no commentary. And he sat silent for like fucking five minutes. It was Tex, what was that guy, big Tex, I forgot his last name. I was going to say Watson, but that was Charlie Manson's guy.

Tex Cobb. Police said officers were spawning to a large group riding, let me tell the story the way it's, large group of black kids riding dirt bikes and ATVs near the Luke Oil gas station at Delaware Avenue and Spring Garden Street at 8 p.m. One of the riders crashed his dirt bike by the gas pumps and immediately fled on foot. As it turns out, the 2011 Honda dirt bike left behind, guess what, it was stolen from New Jersey.

I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all, and I'm blacker than black, and I'm black, y'all. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha As they learned in their households when they were raised by a government check once a month, police said the suspect who threw the brick is described, get this, this is about the third article I've read in the last month where it involves black people and they go, the suspect described as a male with a light complexion. You mean relative to the other guys he was with. It's not a white kid. That wasn't a white kid. Sorry. If I'm wrong, I don't apologize, because most of the times I'm right. With a white, yeah, light complexion, so the average idiot reading that's going to go,

there was a white guy that did it. A red and white dirt bike and wearing a black balaclava, balaclava, a red hooded sweatshirt. I was going to say baklava, balaclava, red hooded sweatshirt. I was going to say baklava. That's what I thought. And black sweatpants. Yeah, I'm sure that was a white kid. White dirt, white, look, I'm all fired up. I turned the word wild into white. Wild dirt bikes

and ATVs are illegal to ride on city streets. Police have a no-pursuit policy. So I guess they're legal. How about that? There's your fuck. For the sake of, do you understand cops and whoever's making the laws that if you can't chase them and they can do it, that means it's legal, basically. Again, out of safety, that's why they can't chase them. And again, that probably comes from Larry Krasner. I can't believe it. It's just so ridiculous. The outlet added the state lawmakers passed legislation in July letting police confiscate, destroy, or sell illegal dirt bikes in ATVs taken from the

highway sidewalks and public roadways. Oh, that helps after the fact. sidewalks, and public roadways. Oh, that helps after the fact. Remember Chicago? You can't chase kids on foot now and whatever the fuck. Do you guys see how intentional all this is? Here's what I say if I'm a cop. Okay, I can't chase them when they're taken off. I have a gun. My bullet's a lot faster than that ATV what the fuck oh special rules for black people you can shoplift too by the way if you want what's going on is and it's not going to change

with the Republicans winning the midterms this is deeper than that folks this is somebody trying to undo the United States take it to it's fucking knees anyways I'm doing my part the United States take it to its fucking knees and anyways I'm doing my part here I don't know what dress like Ellen DeGeneres let's move on final thing of the thing I believe final final story of the week jerk off jerking off a Republican

running boy doesn't this is sum up our society? Aren't we deteriorating and just rotting away from the inside out? Whether the character of the people or the, it's just, a Republican running for an Arizona college district's governing board suspended his campaign Tuesday, two weeks after he was arrested for, embezzling no stealing staples no allegedly masturbating outside of preschool at one of the colleges he was hoping to represent oh my god you're a crumb creep do you know how many times on stage i've made a joke i reference i go yeah you look like you you'd be looking in the window of a middle school wearing a trench coat with nothing on it

you know how many times I've said that it comes to life anyways that happened in one of the colleges he was hoping to represent police found candidate Randy Kaufman you ought to change your name to Andy look at if you asked me to sketch a fucking child molester

dressed like Rodney for one thing, I'll tell you, these kids give me no respect. I'm going to fuck them in the ass. Look at this pedophile. Police found candidate Randy Kaufman on October 4th parked outside the child center at Rio Salado College with his pants down to mid-thigh. I don't do that.

I put them down on my ankles. I got to get loose. And manipulating, manipulating his genitals. What are they? Was he turning one on the other? Hey, you know what the right nut said about you last night? Manipulating his genitals in a masturbatory manner, according to the police. Kaufman was in full view of the campus's, Wurtz's, campus, it's Wurtz's Preschool and Child Care Center. Why is it on a, oh, because of the, I get it. Where several preschool-age children were playing outside, the report said.

Hey, little boy, do you want some candy? Yes, I would, but put your dick away. Give me a Twix bar, faggot. Seriously, the officer said upon finding, the cop found the guy jerking, and the cop goes, seriously? Did I tell you when I came out of World of Beer up in Pooler?

About a year ago, I'd walk into my car in the parking lot, and the car parked, you know, facing mine. Black, you jerk. Oh, my God. I just jumped in my car, pretend I didn't see. He sat up and he went like that. I mean, I thought he was, yeah. I said, you're supposed to do that at the bar where I did it. Seriously, I have a point. The cop said, are you kidding me? Anyways, and this is what he says. This is the funniest part. I'm sorry, Kaufman allegedly told the office.

I fucked up. I'm really stressed. Imagine if people jerked off every time they get a little stressed. It'd be a fucking blizzard of cum from here to California throughout his 65 days here. Kaufman said he was out buying rebar. Could you make this up? So specific. That's right.

If I was writing a book and I, what would, what would be a fucking original thing he'd be doing? Buying rebar. Folks, that's the metal shit

you put in when you pour cement in. Buying rebar nearby but was so stressed out, I guess the prices were through the roof he pulled he pulled into the lot to relieve himself now that would be pissing or shitting uh without realizing what the lot was for kaufman admitted to watching interracial porn at least he's diverse yeah that's why he said it. I'm not a racist. I just fuck kids.

Interracial porn and masturbating in his Ford truck, which was parked across the street, excuse me, parked across three parking spaces. Boy, what an asshole. That's the part that bugs me. I don't mind the jerking off. Don't be hogging three spaces. But claimed he did not realize how close he was to the preschool.

Oh, that dirty cocksucker. Can I say something off the record, Kaufman asked? I know Officer Jim Hill. He works with you guys. And I'm running for the governing board for the colleges. I didn't even know this was one of your sites, but now I see the signs all over the parking lot instead the officer left the statements in the report love it and notified his direct supervisor of what Kaufman had said bye bye dickhead you piece of we are rotten not to say that I don't yank it but I do what we are supposed to do it at least the high school anyhow

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weekend. See you back here on Monday. guitar solo Outro Music