The Nick DiPaolo Show - Fear-Mongering Flack Fauci at it Again! | Nick Di Paolo Show #580

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

Covid Carriers Crossing the Rio Grande. You Got a Big Mouth. Israeli Baseball Team Catches "Bed Break."

Hi, boys and girls. Nick DiPaolo here. Free speech lives right here on The Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm grateful to be able to do this show my way, and I'm only able to do it my way because of your generous contributions. Please go to nickdip.com or click the link on thecomicsgym.com and contribute today to keep this show and our speech free. Thank you so much. Oh yeah. Good Monday morning.

Good morning, everybody. How are you folks? Welcome to Vietnam. How you been? All right. Good weekend. Everything copacetic and whatnot. Our producer sounds very sick. We think he might have contracted the, it's between SARS, AIDS, sickle cell, and what, COVID? Swine flu. That's the original one that they were going to do this pandemic thing on. H1N1. Read all about it.

Anyways, let's get going. I'm not in a fucking mood. Just watch the news. You'll get sick to your stomach. Here's why you shouldn't wear a mask, okay? Here's why you should tell any of your friends and relatives that insist you do it. Just shut the fuck up and take a look at the border. Okay?

Just take a look at the border. That's all you have to say to these people. Yeah. COVID carries a crossing the Rio Grande by the thousands. They're not only just sneaking in here. Our government is putting these motherfuckers on buses and spreading them throughout the country. so you can enjoy COVID. A nice foreign flavor. Even though, again, not really a pandemic, but that's not the point, is it? They're telling you to fucking mask up. You, the taxpayer, the American citizen, the person who was born here,

you have to put on a mask. Never mind the gangbanger from Ecuador. He's fine un-fucking-real unbelievable oh by the way i had a clip i just i'll show it tomorrow um that's going all around the internet uh like the capitol police sending off one of those what do you call it flash bangs into the middle of the crowd on January 6th, and a lot of people saying that's what caused it. And you see them there peacefully, then shit's... I'll get to that tomorrow, and we'll analyze that.

But back to your goddamn government lying to you. You know, COVID does kill old people. We got the oldest president in the... Well, president in the Oval Office. Somebody, somebody get a Chinese woman with a fucking diabetes to give him a nice French kiss. It's one way of whacking him. What? You can't say that, Mama.

Take a look, though. Just think about this, telling you to mask up. And take a look. These people, don't take my word, but the people that work the borders, they're fucking coming over, not being tested, coughing, sneezing. And what the thing is, COVID is the least thing. Those countries have no, they haven't got rid of fucking dandruff over there yet.

And we're worried about a slight cold. But anyways, check out this footage. It'll make you sick. La Jolla Police Department is issuing a public health announcement after an officer says an undocumented migrant family coughing at a fast food restaurant told him Border Patrol released them because they had COVID-19. Hildongo County Judge Richard Cortez is now calling on federal immigration officials to stop releasing infected migrants into their communities. It's very obvious that this issue with the immigration issue, has escalated to a level that simply we could not manage it.

The capacity, the number, the volume of people has increased to a level that we just can't manage the numbers. That guy's a riveting speaker. You know, that's a guy bringing over diseases and shit. And boy, can you imagine? They don't even have the numbers to take care of, to, you know, stop these people. And they have COVID and they have to deal with people with COVID. Again, me, I don't believe in any of this horse shit. As soon as you get comfortable with this new variant and you look

like you're not scared anymore, they'll make up another one. Okay, so just buckle up on it. But what the fuck's happened to our country, folks? What the hell's going on out here? I got no idea. July 26th, the police department of the small town along the Rio Grande, the Mexican border, shared details of the incident. They said a concerned citizen at the restaurant, Whataburger, waved down the officer. The citizen told him about the family coughing and sneezing. That's not guacamole on my hand. Without covering their mouths and not wearing face masks, Whataburger management also told the officer that they wanted the group to leave, as well due to their disregard to other people's health. All right, get up!

Yeah! Why would they give a shit about our health if our government doesn't? Imagine though, first of all, Whataburger looks horrendous. They ripped off Howard Johnson's and fucking, I don't know, Bob Evans. That looks tremendous. What a burger. What a cold. What a snot dripping down that young fellow's mouth.

In addition to telling the officer that the Border Patrol had released them days prior due to their coronavirus status. So that's what you do when you know they have coronavirus, you release them? The family said a charity group had paid for the room. Fucking, you know, it's a Catholic church. Paid for the room at the nearby Texas Inn Hotel. Let me ask you a question. Once these hotels are done housing these people, let me ask you a question. Are they still taking regular guests now?

How does that work? Do they just clear one out and say the government says you have to I don't know how it works. You know, for the last 20 years on the road, 30 years I should say, I've been, you know, working the remote control of my feet. I'm so afraid of the shit that goes on in hotel

rooms. Anyways, lay your head down on a nice COVID covered pillow. The officer followed up on that information, finding out that Catholic Charities of the Rio Grande Valley had booked all the rooms in the hotel to house undocumented immigrants detained by Border Patrol. He saw a group of 20 to 30 people staying at the hotel, the hotel, yeah,

who were out and about. Most of them weren't wearing masks, according to the officer. This is your government in action. You fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. Police said they learned the Border Patrol was quarantining other undocumented individuals who were COVID positive or showed symptoms of illness, then handed them over to the non-profit Catholic Charities,

would in turn place the undocumented individuals in hotels in the McAllen area, as well as La Jolla. The police department said it contacted Hildago County Health and Human Services for help and was told the agency would look into the matter. Oh, I'm sure they're right on it. Their announcement further touched on the current border situation, saying that the La Jolla Police Department has assisted Border Patrol in catching hundreds of people crossing through their jurisdiction.

And according to the announcement, Border Patrol informed the police department that on July 25th of this fucking year, a few days ago, they had surpassed, get this, one million apprehensions in the month of June. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. Yes, we are ignorant. Oh, my God. You aren't going to recognize this country in the next 10 minutes, man.

And it's just what they want. You know how much damage they're going to do the next couple years, whatever. Next four years, I should say. I don't care what happens at the midterms. How much damage they can do. And let's say we finally do get a Republican. I don't know why I'm feeling

this sensation that I have like fucking hairs tickling my face. Like right here. What is that? It's coming from my mustache. Is that the MH1N1? Something is tickling my fucking nose.

It feels like I have you know when you walk through a spider web and it's all, that's how I'm feeling right now. Does coffee do that to you? I don't know. But boy, are we in deep doo-doo. So yeah, the next time somebody says mask up, say, put on a

sombrero and a fucking bandana and rob the motherfucker. Let me describe this about that. These fucking Mexicans are coming over the border. They're bringing drugs and diseases and all kinds of tight pussy. Now let me just say this. Yeah, we're falling apart. You know why we have no leaders, no leaders whatsoever. Crime through the roof. Mayor's governors failing at all the liberal states. A good example, Illinois governor, this jack off, you know, Pritzker, you don't get more left than this fucking, I think he was a union guy originally.

Illinois governor's mansion just got robbed. The governor's mansion got robbed. Don't they have security like around the clock at a governor's mansion? Maybe. Anyway, somebody tweeted from an insider paper. Alert, Illinois governor's mansion robbed. We have the audio from the police scanner. governor's mansion robbed. We have the audio from the police scanner. And I laugh because the lady's hesitant to mention the race of the suspect like we don't know. She throws it in there at the end. But how funny is it? Now the mansions are being robbed. This is just, let's hope somebody breaks into Gracie Mansion in New York and hangs that fucking faggot by his fucking cocksucking lip balls. Anyways, here's the audio of the dispatcher when the Illinois governor's mansion was broken into.

Units in the 18th citywide, a burglary in progress, 1435 North Asher, 1435 Asher, came in from the dust and someone states that the governor's mansion saw them. Only description is one wearing a backpack. Backpack. Two male blacks at the governor's residence. Nothing further. 18th District, South Fort Clair. Two male blacks?

Are you sure? Wearing a backpack. Hey, Stanley, have a fucking cream soda. Bash your head in with this fucking phone. A backpack. Two black males breaking into a house? Get out of here. You're making it up.

You're a racist. That has never happened in this country. The governor's mansion well do you remember uh there was a governor kirk kirk fitzpatrick or kirk patrick black guy uh was it detroit i think so but he was what kirk patrick maybe he was having wild bashes like five years ago, cocaine and shit. Anyways, I just don't understand, though. I would think the governor would have all kinds of security around the clock. I don't I don't know what to tell you. But, you know, Pritzker is such a left-wing douche, and Illinois is such a horrible state. If I could, I'd grab this microphone and I'd beat your brains out with it, because that's what she deserves.

That's what she deserves. Exactly. A couple of blacks. Yeah. Backpacks. Go Bears. The Bears. Go Bears. Duh Bears. Go Bears.

Let's move on, shall we? That's about all I got for that, other than that's not a good sign. It is for the Biden administration. Hey, where's Kamala Harris been in the last week? As South and Central America pours in, she's flipping her bean. Watching fucking whatever, one of those, what's the channel that fucking awful women?

What's it called? The Oprah Network? Not the Oprah Network. there's another one I love these that they show like they'll show these murder mysteries but it's always the wife killing the husband oxygen I think oxygen Hallmark yeah they run these shows where it's just women killing huh and you know I always have a little argument my friends. They're not showing that to show how evil women are.

That's just another way of saying, look, we can do whatever men do. It's usually men doing this, by the way. But look, we finally got it. We've gathered up enough cycles. This is a warning to you men. That's my take. Oh, Nick, you're crazy. Shut the fuck up.

You don't know who makes these shows. Okay? They all look like Pat. Remember that transgender character? And I said, I lived in L.A. I've been to the auditions. I've seen the people who interview. I've seen the people who write this garbage.

They all have 18-inch necks and crew cuts. And they're girls. I took a meeting. I took a meeting. I took a meeting. This is when they thought I was going to be the next hot thing in Hollywood. I think Dennis Larry's company was behind me. We took a meeting with ABC, Fox, NBC, CBS. You know how many men were in the total?

And each meeting had five, six people in it. So that's 25 people. You know how many men were in those 25 people? One. So one guy. And he was as gay as a purple dress shirt, as Colin Quinn would say. And

oh my God. And I remember, this is what I said. I might have told this story on the show before. So I'm in there with Dennis Larry and his partner and a few other people from his company. And there's a bunch of NBC people. It's our last one. And they asked, so what about this first question?

So what about the wife's character? What is she, you know, what happens in the pilot? I say, and I say kiddingly, obviously, I think for a minute. And this is why I'm a comedian. And I'll always be on internet Never on TV, but I go um and the pilot she's pregnant. I push her down the cellar stairs Thinking everybody I was not Dennis would howling shit fucking crickets Literally the lady turns her shoulder to me like this for the rest of the meeting

I'm not shitting you and then I talked to Jimmy Serpico, Dennis Larry's partner the next day. He goes, yeah, we sent her a dozen roses. And you guys wonder. You wonder. I can't show my face. I thought Dennis, I thought they were going to join in and fuck. They all look

at me like, what the fuck? These are people who are writing comedy? Take your pussy so seriously, mother of God, yeah, what the fuck, I, what the fuck, Christopher, I can't even pour a cup of coffee and fucking eat ice cream. Whatever the fuck. That was terrible. I was watching a few Impressionists. There's a guy, a young kid on there, fucking on YouTube. He does all the characters. Uncle Junior.

Olivia. Oh, my God. I was crying. Let's get to another character. The fucking fear-mongering Fauci. This guy gives me shivers now when I hear him, because I just keep thinking of Joseph Goebbels. You guys know you're being played like a fiddle, and you know this guy's in cahoots with the government, Bill Gates, all the fucking

shapeshifters. He's out there this weekend, once again, oh, the variant, the Delta variant. Am I going to be honest, though? He's like 80, isn't he? I hope I look like that and I have a mind. I wouldn't use it for evil. I'll be trying to pick up 80-year-old divorcees at the local fish market, wherever I'm living, in shady pines in my diaper oh the cucumbers uh let's let's take a uh listen to this lying cocksucker spreading more fear and um hell bent

on keeping keeping control of us and uh and you know we'll be masked up until he dies probably go ahead we are seeing an outbreak of the unvaccinated. There's some breakthrough infections among vaccinated. You expect that because no vaccine is 100 percent effective. But in the breakthrough. Yeah, especially the ones that are FDA approved. I got a bunch of reasons now. I got a project coming up that I can't mention involving an actual film. And they already sent me a text

asking about my vaccination status. Do you understand that could be Spielberg? And I'd go, you better find somebody else. Nick, bullshit. No, I would. I'm not putting that. My snatch snatch my choice oh this guy makes me very angry because he knows it's all bullshit I I really believe

that some people think he's sincere go ahead infections they are mostly mild or without symptoms whereas the unvaccinated who have a much, much, much greater chance of getting infected in the first place are the ones that are vulnerable to getting severe illness that might lead to hospitalization and in some cases death. Who gives a fuck what you think? You haven't been right yet since you came out. Some cases death. Let me ask you came out. Some cases, death. Let me ask you a question. You've been listening to this, the new variant, masking, all this shit. When's the last time anyone stated that you have almost 100% chance,

if you're healthy and under 70, of not only surviving this, you know, literally like getting the flu? Do they ever bring that up? Isn't that the litmus test? How many people die from this? They're treating it like the plague in fucking 1400 or whatever when it's really mild. I'm more afraid of the goddamn vaccination. How many people in Europe died from the vaccination? How come they're not hearing about lawsuits and shit? But again, and the other big lie, that it's unvaccinated people who will get...

You just said vaccinated people spreading it too. This one's way more transmissible. Yeah, so's the common cold. Touching a fucking doorknob, licking a toilet seat in a girl's ladies' room. I do that all the time. It's a bunch of hooey. Sorry for the strong language.

We've seen Florida Republican Governor DeSantis, Republican Governor Abbott of Texas. This is John Carl that was setting him up. This is the question he asked him. I guess I should have read it for Governor Abbott, Texas. Ducey of Arizona pushed back strongly against the notion of mask requirements.

Let me read you a quote. Again, this is Jonathan Carl, Lefty ABC from Governor Ducey, Arizona. He said Arizona does not, and I quote, does not allow mask mandates, vaccine mandates, vaccine passports, or discrimination in schools based on who is or isn't vaccinated. They are arguing that this is individual responsibility and individual's right to decide. Mr. Fauci. You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you. Get the fuck out of here. And then Fauci. You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you. Now get the fuck out of here. And then Fauci says, well, John, I disagree with him.

I respectfully disagree with him. The fact is there are things that are individual responsibilities that one has. Oh, lecture me, daddy. And there are things that have to do with you individually, which also impact others. Oh, fucking double dog. Don't give me that smart-alecky shit. Fucking smack you right in the face. Not for nothing, T.

This cocksucker sneezed on me. And the spread of infection that we're seeing now, the surge in cases, John, is impacting everyone in the country. Is it really? Is it? So although you want to respect the person's individual right, he says, when you're dealing with a public health situation, and we are, in fact, in a very serious public health challenge here, no we're not, with a pandemic, not a pandemic.

He's giving me a headache. Shut up, Will you? With a virus that had his extraordinary capability of spreading rapidly and efficiently from person to person. Is anybody out there, folks? Look at him. He's high Hitler-ing.

Heal Hitler. Heil Hitler. Sprechen Bracken. Ein Vorfühlen durch eigene Arbeit, durch eigenen Fleiß, durch eigenen Schlossseid. Hitler. Heil Hitler. Sprich und Bracken. Ein Vorführung durch eigene Arbeit, durch eigenen Fleiß, eigenen Schlossseit. You got the wrong country.

It's the Chinese you're working with, you mamalook. You mamalook. You're like the mamalook of the year. A man goes to a party. Let's stay on COVID, shall we? You know what I'm sick of? Hey, are there any white judges anymore?

I know this is a racist question. It used to be on TV in the 70s and 80s, the judges, now they're, you know, all those shows, Law and Order, it's all black women judges and shit. But now it's really happening. Oh my God. They're so liberal.

This is a D.C. judge. Can you get any more liberal than a black judge who's been in D.C. forever? Headline, Grandpa Walton, that's the name of the judge, snaps at January 6th defendant. Ugh, this guy just makes me sick looking at him. Hear ye, hear ye, the coat's in session. That's him. The coat's in session now. Here come the judge, here come the judge. You sound black.

A federal judge on Friday told off a Capitol riot defendant who refused to wear a mask during his hearing, telling the defendant, listen to this pompous fucking elitist. You don't make the rules. You don't make the rules, the judge said. And then the defendant said, your mom goes to college. Oh, shit. The confrontation, it took place there, here, whatever the fuck.

Defending Goodwin, according to the Washington Post. He pleaded not guilty in April to five charges in connection with the January 6th riot where nobody had weapons and one innocent woman was shot to death. You know that riot? According to court records, prosecutors were trying to revoke this guy Goodwin's pre-trial release over his behavior, including repeatedly

flouting orders to wear a mask. Good for you, buddy. Good for fucking wear a mask. That's faggot stuff. I agree. You want a court by its name,

that's strictly for fags. And they're bringing it back here in Savannah. I don't think I'm going to get through this round without getting into it with somebody. I was very behaved for the last year and shit. But I'm telling you, when I have to get on a plane in a few weeks, and I'm wearing that

thing, and fucking a stewardess gives me one ounce of fucking attitude, she's going to get hot coffee right on her shrinkle tinkle. I have no idea what I'm doing. Yelling at the guy, the judge, and they want to take away because he refuses to wear a

mask. Remember the good old days in America? Personal choice. During Friday's hearing, Goodwin's attorney Danny Hull explained to Judge Reggie Walton that Goodwin's attorney, Danny Hull, explained to Judge Reggie Walton that Goodwin had autism, which makes it harder for him to wear masks. But when asked why he couldn't wear one, Goodwin himself simply said, it stresses me out. And then he bitch slapped the judge upside the head.

It stresses me out. I believe I would not cause, this is a guy with autism. I believe I would not cause someone to die by not wearing a mask, which he's a thousand percent right. Instead of locking him up, Walton, oh, he could have locked him up for that? Walton decided to order Goodwin to wear a mask whenever he meets with pretrial services or appears in court, according to the newspaper. But Walton was clear. If you can't do that, the judge says, I'm going to have no alternative but to lock you up and keep you locked up until this case is resolved. Fuck you and everything you believe in.

Go wash my car. They don't have to put their lives at risk. They don't have to, the judge said, and they will not, Walton continued, referring to the court staff. Goodwin replied, I understand, but I'm not going to do that, sir. He added that Texas doesn't require masks indoors. And then the judge said, I don't care what the law is in Texas. You don't make the rules. You will be arrested. Can you fucking believe this, Jack? You're out of order!

You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! When Goodman was arrested at his parents' home in Texas, the guy's 40. What's he doing at his mother' home in Texas, the guy's 40. What's he doing at his mother's house? The FBI learned that at least one person in the home

believed they had COVID. Oh! Oh, Jesus Christ. Why don't we put them all in a cave like they did Ben Hur's mother when she had leprosy? I always refer to that. I was like six when I saw it. And still one of my favorite scenes in a movie

because she comes out all fucking... And he's like, sis? Sis? What the fuck? What's that on your face? When agents placed a mask on his face, Goodwin attempted to chew through the... Why don't they put those plastic

cones on him? Like they do the dog when you come home from the vet. He attempted to chew through the mask and spit the mask out. That was in a court filing. Well, of course you're going to spit it out. You ever taste a mask after you've been breathing in it for a fucking month? Goodwin was released to home confinement in February, but prosecutors said he repeatedly refuses to wear a mask. Well, he's in his own house, so mind your fucking business. Shows up to meetings or he doesn't report his location.

I guess he doesn't let the government boss him around. Since his arrest, and he did nothing, Goodwin has flouted the conditions, making clear that he does not appreciate the privilege of pre-trial release provided to him by the court prosecutors said. Prosecutors can kiss my dirty grits shut up mind your fucking business and shut up imagine being dressed down you're an adult

you know what I love Pelosi gave the order that anybody I'm talking congresswoman men anybody at the capitol whatever could get arrested for not wearing a mask. They're not drunk with power, these twats, are they? No. You Democrats are just rotten people.

That includes everyone who votes Democrat. I hate your mother's tits. Don't tell me, Judge. Don't tell me what the fuck to do. I wasn't even... They don't even say what he did while he was there January 6th. What was he doing?

Got the target on the old white guys, the Trump supporters. We are the problem. But apparently, there's bigger victims in this country. When are black women going to stop their fucking whining at how oppressed they are?

Do you know that little shit Biles or Bales or Buttocks? The little black gymnast who, you know, dropped out of the Olympics or a couple whatever the fuck they call them. Do you know she's getting

a, she's already got commercial offers? That's a good message. When the going gets tough, quit. Sign her up. Put her on a Wheaties box. I'm just so tired of this. A headline. I'm a black woman. Wah! Wah! The other day, I shared a meme, this is a woman talking, that stoked a lot of emotion. In it, there's pictures of three superstar athletes, tennis player Naomi Osaka, gymnast Simone Biles, and track and field sprinter Sha'Carri Richardson, along with a sign that reads, y'all not going to stress us out, black women everywhere.

stress us out. Black women everywhere. I just want to go through the TV and fucking punch whoever wrote this in the fucking... See this Instagram photo by Lisa Fance? Here's the photo.

Y'all not going to stress us out. No, we don't have to. Apparently doing what you do best, you get to the Olympics. That was enough to show you chicken shit. Now, this is written by a black woman, of course, weighs about 360. They are women of color. Osaka has a Japanese mother and a Haitian father, while Biles and Richardson are African-American

and have made headlines recently due to decisions they made to support their mental health. This is the spin that this fat black broad's putting on it. I know, just perpetual victims. That's why I picked this story. Just, just, all three also have something in common, which I very much understand. The struggle of women of color face, the struggle

they face in exercising their self-care every day. Oh, boy, you. As I wrote in the caption of the meme I shared on Instagram, it's hard being a black woman. Oh, boy, you. We're supposed to save relationships, families, elections, communities, democracy. Boy, we're fucked if that's the case. And basically the world. Are you guys listening to this? All while exhibiting black girl magic. Oh, boy, you. But y'all mad when we save ourselves, wrote the illiterate tub of cheese. Welcome to a new day, she says. How fucking deep is your hate run for fucking white people? We found out who the real racists are.

The heavy load, she says, is made worse by the fact that I eat boxes of Little Debbie's by the truck full and lay on my fat ass and watch Maury Povich. I added that. She says that the heavy load may worse by the fact that as a black woman, we are not socialized, listen to this horseshit, to give as much care to ourselves as we are expected to give to others. Oh, boy, you. Black women are literally expected to be superwomen.

Is she living on the same planet? From heading households. Yeah, quit hooking up with fucking wannabe rappers. Heading households to serving as emotional support for white people who want to be allies, but need our help figuring out how to get there. Oh, for you. allies but need our help figuring out how to get there oh boy you this is an added layer for black women athletes who have to compete against more than just their opponents listen to this bile a 2018 study titled beating opponents battling belittlement how african-american female athletes

use community to navigate negative images from Morgan State University in Baltimore examined how they must navigate both racism and sexism in order to become champions. Have you ever heard of such nonsense? Yeah, I can see how tough it is. The Williams sisters, fucking multi-zillionaires. Oprah, whatever, I can go on. Every famous black, whatever, musician, Beyonce.

And apparently Fortune 500, there's a bunch of women running, black women running companies now. And we have laws now that if you're white, don't even bother. If you're going to help start up a business, you have to be a female or minority. What the fuck is she talking about? She could have wrote this in 1854. It would have been more accurate. For example, it noted that Serena Williams, arguably the world's greatest tennis player, including men in that?

You probably are, you dumb whore. With more than 20 grand slam wins, has been compared to a man and a gorilla. That's not nice. A man, maybe. I always cut the Williams sister slack. I told you. I think it was her, too. Serena smiled at me coming out of Howard Stern. I was walking up.

She gave me a nice, looked like she wanted a piece of the guinea. You know what I'm saying? Again, this was 20-something years ago. Radio host. Look it. She's got to dig up. These are the examples she has to dig up. Don Imus, who's been dead for a thousand years, radio host Don Imus called the plays on the

2007 Rutgers women's basketball team, nappy-headed hoes, after they lost the Tennessee team in the NCAA final, can you imagine that, oh, must have damaged them for good, Oh, must have damaged him for good. Notice she doesn't mention that after that, Imus had him on the show and apologized to their face, you know, for something he really shouldn't apologize for. He was just goofing around, and that's what you do. Osaka, Biles, and Richardson have been the targets of racism and sexism before.

But, yeah, that's how they made it this far. Shut your fat fucking yam-eating hole. But even more so recently, both Osaka and Biles dropped out of competitions, they said, to protect their mental health. And Richardson, see how she's all right with this. Boy, I see how white he got so far ahead, honest to God. And Richardson was disqualified from competing after testing positive for cannabis. All

are sending a clear message. They are taking care of themselves. No, they're not. They're sending a clear message. Fuck you, America. That's what it is. I don't care. You can come up with all the fake motives you want. This trio of athletes is younger. I bet you it comes out six months down the road that

somebody told them to do this. Younger than I am, I truly do believe that they are a generation that has decided to prioritize their mental health over everything else. So when things get tough at work, don't show up to work or whatever. Prioritize yourself. Because white people don't have these problems. You know what I mean? They can walk through Atlanta at 2 in the morning, get lost in Miami, right? And they're fine. Or everything else. Haters be damned, she just said. I don't even know what the fuck she's talking about.

What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. Yeah, there's a picture of the woman who wrote it. Yeah, she is. Oh, she's eating an ice cream cone. You fat, nasty black bitch. How do you do that?

How do you defend that? I don't even... We're on two different planets. Yeah, those women. Osaka, that's who they're looking up to. A woman, a tennis player who quit like they're in the open or whatever. That's what you should aspire to, those women. Osaka, that's who they're looking up to, a tennis player who quit like they're in the open or whatever. That's what you should aspire to, young ladies. Think about yourself first, even though you're on TV playing tennis for a fucking living.

Please, ladies and gentlemen, please. I'll tell you, a woman who set a lot of records, I don't think it's really a sport, but you hear about this broad in Connecticut? I think it was stamping. She's got the biggest mouth, literally the biggest mouth, the biggest mouth of any woman on the planet. They measured it.

This woman has the largest mouth in the world, according to Guinness. And five guys who had their cocks all in their red ones. Guinness World Records confirmed that Samantha, what a thing to be, Ramsdell, that's the name of our defensive captain up at Maine when I played up there. Dean Ramsdell, blonde hair, fucking red face, blonde dialect, funniest motherfucker I ever met. Anyways,antha ramsdell from connecticut is the record holder for the world's largest mouth gape for a female i don't like the word gape it grosses me out isn't gape a gross word when i hear gape i immediately picture when i first saw hustler right remember that was what they were known for, showing women spreading their fucking badges. Like that would be the centerfold and shit.

Anyways, let's take a look at Samantha and her big, big fuck. What? Oh my God. Hello? Hello? Holy shit. I didn't see that. You know what she looks like?

You guys are going to cry when I say this. Ever been on the highway and a dog sticks his face out the window and the wind blows it? Oh, my God. Look at that. Yep. I like a large mouth. I've always had this theory. The most beautiful women rock out well.

All of them. The first thing you notice, beautiful. They always have a larger than normal mouth. Usually with beautiful full lip. But Jesus Christ, I want you to blow me but not swallow my legs. Good night, everybody. The dentist sticks his head in there. Hello?

Hello? Hello? Look at that fucking yap oh my god we have video i have a big mom Her mouth gape measures 6.56 centimeters or about 2.5 inches. That's it? That looks like about 7 inches. 6, 5, 2.5 inches

when measured across. Oh. What? Oh, really? Oh, okay. What? Oh, really? Oh, okay. It reaches more than 10 centimeters or four inches. Across, I guess.

Oh, my God. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt. Hey, hey. She seems like a nice lady. Take it easy. Blabbermouth cunt. Blabbermouth cunt. Whatever the fuck.

Ramsdell said she has always known she's had a big mouth. She knew that because she was beaten by her first three husbands. What? Get out of here. But it wasn't until the children of TikTok. Ooh, that sounds creepy. Is that a movie? From Stephen King, the children of TikTok. Pointed out she may have a recognized mouth that she was encouraged to go for the record. Her videos include one of her stuffing three donuts. You use a guy's ball bag. It would be trying. Stuffing three donuts in her mouth. A step up from her video fulfilling a request to eat two at one time.

She did three donuts. Think of the fun you could have in bed with this mother, Mama Luke. She can also fit in a large order of fries. Imagine her on a first date. Yeah, there she is. You look over and she's doing this and you're like, oh God. She said it wasn't always fun and games for her though. Oh, here we go. Cue the violins. Ramsdell said she was bullied growing up for her mouth size. All you had to do was spit at somebody and knock them out. Now at age 31, Ramsdell embraces her unique feature for her 1.7 million TikTok followers.

How do you get 1.7 million? Because she's got a big mouth. Jesus Christ. I'm doing a show every day she said it used to be something that really i was so insecure about something i i wanted to uh to keep so small what does that mean but it's not one of the biggest, best things about me. It's your superpower, she says. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. Delicious.

It's the thing that makes you unique and special, she said. Yeah, so does a hockey helmet and drooling on your shirt at the fucking food court. Everyone should be celebrating what makes them different. Okay, I have a very average cock. the fucking food court. Everyone should be celebrating what makes them different. Okay, I have a very average cock. Ramsdale hopes to one day have her own show. Of course she does because she was born with a big mouth.

You should be doing a podcast where you can shoot that mouth off like myself. She wants to have her own show using humor, wit, and singing and coughing up loogies Tremendous young lady anyways, she's famous for something good for you, honey. Yeah, that's another But not the tea I could put three of my balls in there, no Hey, how about the Israeli baseball team because when I think a good sports I

Think of Jews right off the bat Not everybody in Israel is Jewish, by the way. But anyways, Israeli baseball team, the story, I just put, I picked this story, not because it's so riveting, but just to make a point at how humorless the world

has become, thanks to, again, this liberal mentality, this global mentality that just takes the fun out of life. Israeli baseball team catches bed... It's supposed to be bed break. I got you, Matthew.

Oops. Oh, autocorrected it? Yeah, I put bed break. But it was a bad break. Since a bogus rumor spread online about the beds in the Olympic Village last month, athletes from all over have been sharing lighthearted videos of them testing, again, lighthearted videos of them testing the durability of the so-called cardboard beds.

But Team Israel's baseball team attempt at humor was a big swing and a miss, said the hack who wrote this. A big swing and a miss said the hack wrote this big swing and a miss Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I won't be using that on YouTube. Getting flagged. The team apologized. Do you believe this?

I'm going to show you what they did. The team apologized Thursday after sharing a TikTok video of nine players jumping on a bed before it gave way. Do you believe this even makes fucking news? The idea of the video was to see how many players it would take to destroy the bed, which some falsely suggested were made out of light cardboard so they wouldn't be able to sustain sex and therefore prevent possible COVID-19 transmission. Oh, you have to fuck to get COVID? Oh, my God. Now, here's the, again, lighthearted, like the article said.

This is them trying to break a cardboard bed. And this is what has people upset. I can't take it no more. Boing. There's got to be a joke in there. Five Jews walk into a bed Who's going to spring for the check? Get it? Spring. Get out!

Okay, nine I don't even see this thing break Look You know what that means? You could pick up that fat transgender broad, the weightlifter, and bang her all night on that bed if you were sick enough to, and it wouldn't break. But people upset.

Can you leave the kids alone? Get this through your head. No. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. The team said, we meant no disrespect. Can you imagine they're apologizing for this? It kind of pales in comparison,

doesn't it, to the 72 Olympics? Remember the Israelis that were killed? Yeah. And here's where, this is what's upsetting us. We meant no disrespect and just wanted to show off how effective and stuff sturdy these beds are and the olympic village pitcher and field

of ben wagner said according to the times of israel adding that the bed was an extra and would be recycled after anyway we actually enjoy sleeping on these beds and think they are a great and sustainable option for future Olympics. So arrest us now. What horrible people. Imagine if we go from Munich to this. Team manager Pete Kurtz reportedly said the players committed a childish prank and the Israeli Olympic Committee condemned the video. Hey, my Jewish friends, get a sense of fucking humor.

Lighten the fuck up for five minutes, please. They apologized, the coach said, and expressed remorse over the mischievous act. Yeah, okay, big deal. And you blew it! You blew it. Aye, aye, aye. Finally tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Oy vey in Dahud.

He's straight out of synagogue. Finally tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Oy vey in da hood. He's straight out of synagogue. That's what it said. The guy who wrote, that was actually a good line. This Nisim Black scene here, a black Orthodox Jewish rapper from the streets of Seattle. He was originally just a black dude, rapper, gangster rapper, actually converted to Orthodox. I love this. Landed in New York with a bang this week, headlining a concert in Passaic, New Jersey.

I don't know if that's a bang. Thursday and speaking as a guest of honor at a rooftop reception with the Israeli consulate the next afternoon. Again, more evidence that it's a racist country. Let's take a look at Haim and Nisam in action here.

Look, check out his hat. Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim.

Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim. Haim. Yeah. You never looked heavier. Oh, my God, Nassim. God damn you. I'll tell you, a friend of mine was at the show. He said, not only did this guy raise the roof, he raised the rent. Come on.

Oh, there's more. There's more where that came from. Black, that's his last name, taking advantage of the 7.55 p.m. summer Shabbat start, then made a beeline for Monsey in Rockland County Friday evening, where he's celebrating the weekly holiday with friends during his visit. I think he has very relatable music, a razy D'Amico. I don't know if that's Jewish. I know D'Amico's not. It's Italian. 20 told the Post saying she, oh, it's a girl, saying she and her fiance, I'm sorry, it's a lesbian. It's very tough to read the news today when you're in your late 70s. Her fiance, Shua,

they braved the rain to make the two-hour drive from Waterbury, Connecticut, Thursday. You should have been visiting the girl with the big mouth for the concert, where roughly 300 other mostly Orthodox Jews raised the roof and the rent at the factory 220 event space. He takes rap and elevates it to become holy she said black 34 lives in belt shamash about 18 miles outside of jerusalem i have a duplex there with david tell with his wife and six children and says he couldn't be happier among his people and Eretz Israel. He says he's not coming back. I'm staying right here. Good for you.

It's actually a good story. Black's journey has been a long one. He was originally born Damian Black with no Jewish ancestry in the inner city of Seattle in December of 1986. His beginnings were bleak. My father was a big drug dealer. He said, I joined the family business very early on. Black recalled, I was smoking pot by the time I was nine and dealing drugs when I was 12 and running with the wrong crowd. Guess the fuck you were. He began his musical career as D-Black.

I got all his old stuff. Rapping about violence, blight, and parroting the gangster rap of people like 50 Cent, or as my wife said, Fitty Sheckles. He was gifted enough to record his first professional record at age 13 after a rival rapper was almost killed. Black knew he needed to get the hell out of there. Smart guy, actually. Get the hell out of there.

All right, get up! I am. A local youth group eventually set him on the path of spirituality, but it was a long one. He bounced between Islam and Christianity before settling on Judaism. The process, which he did alongside his wife, Jamie, now Adina, took more than two years and required the adult black to undergo, oh my God, he had to undergo a circumcision in his 30s.

And he's black. That must have taken quite a knife. Shalom. So he had to get a circum, ceremonial circumcision and a grilling. What does that mean? Don't tell me they cooked the foreskin before a court of rabbis, before he was finally in the club.

It's kind of a crass way of putting it. They asked you questions about certain laws and customs. How do you make tea on Shabbat? That was on my SAT. He replied, That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.

What if you are stranded? These are questions they asked him in a non-Jewish community. Another question, why not be a righteous non-Jew? Do you want me in the club or not? Black recalled saying he breathes through the process. He's still working on Hebrew but keeps strictly kosher. I love this guy. Through it all, Black never stopped rapping,

though he's since dropped the guns and violence and focuses more on uplifting content. He says he can't even listen to gangster rap anymore, so good for him. So I was reading this story, and I sent it to my buddy, the cop, and another comedian friend of mine that you know very well.

And so we got into a... This is what happens when you're a comic. So we just started making Jewish rapper jokes. And for the next, I'd say, hour and a half, you know, texting each other. Great comedian with CQ. Oh, for Christ's sake, Colin Quinn. He came up with the Warsaw, these are names of rappers. Warsaw Ghetto Boys. Dentist Dre. I came up with B Warsaw... These are names of rappers. Warsaw Ghetto Boys. Dentist Dre.

I came up with BWA, Bankers With Attitudes. I came up with Corned Beef Killer. Quinn came up with Nicki Minudge. My buddy Zook the Cop came up with Circa Vetchel. I said my favorite hip-hop song by this guy was Gimme Mo Green.

Then you got Lil' Wine, Lil' Wine, instead of Drake, Drek. I came up with Shvug Night. Quinn came up with Young M.D. My buddy came up with No Ice Cubes. You know, like I come up with Unsweetened Iced Tea. West Bank Killer. Quinn came up with Public Notary, like public enemy. My buddy came up with a tribe called Levites.

I came up with Old Dirty Testament. Then I came up with Lil Wayne Wasserman. And get this one, yam kapoor. You know, like yam. I love that one. Matzer that was mine uh oh then my favorite song shalom again naturally and my wife added rap of fitty shekel and then quinn came back with dj jazzy jeff and the fresh brisket my My buddy said, two live Jew. And then I finally wrapped it up with, it's hard out here for a shrink.

That's enough today. That was a fucking terrific show for a Monday. That means I'll peter out the rest of the week. That is it, ladies and gentlemen. Again, thank you for joining us on this Monday, which I really don't like Mondays. I'm not going to shoot up a classroom over it. But don't forget thecomicsgym.com, the permanent home of this show. Nickdip.com. I'm going to be, like I said, in Cohoes, New York in less than a couple of weeks. So catch me there. Click on the

tour button and Nick Dip. Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, Don't forget Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, what you do is go to Cameo.com. Tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my phone, minute, minute and a half long, roasting the person. It's a lot of fun. Cameo.com. That is it.

You guys think and I will say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good day. guitar solo Bye.