The Nick DiPaolo Show - Female Athletes: the Nubile, the Naughty, the Nice.

Episode Date: September 10, 2018

Obama Trashes Trump. White Guilt On Parade At Emmys.  

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Music Music Music Music Music Music Oh yeah! You know what that sound is. How are you folks? Welcome to the show on a rainy Monday in New York. How you doing? If you'd like to call into the show, 833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. Real quick, touring dates.

First of all, tomorrow, no show. I'm going to Boston. Visit my parents. Haven't seen my dad. You know, my dad has Alzheimer's. And I'm going to stop in there. Going up there to the premiere, the red carpet premiere of Sweeney Killing Sweeney. I had a part in a film last September. to the premiere, the red carpet premiere of Sweeney Killing Sweeney.

I had a part in a film last September. And right around a year there. A year right around now. And it was Steve Sweeney, Boston legend. Hopefully he's going to call in today if he can find the time. There's a lot of buzz going on. The Fairley brothers

are going to be there from you know, all the Fairley brother movies. Fellas, you can name them. And a lot of people. Lenny Clark, Boston Legends, sports figures, red carpet deal, and

going up there, there's going to be a Q&A, and it's, excuse me. So, I hope for Steve Sweeney. This guy's been around forever and he's the reason I get into this. So if you hate me, blame him. If you love me, blame him. But just one funny dude.

Deserves, deserves a break. And it's been a lot of the Faley Brother movies and he was actually in Back to School with Rodney. And he's just tremendous. He's the literally he's the reason I stumbled into Stitches in the summer of 86. I told this before I think and saw him and Kevin Meaney

at Stitches Comedy Club Como and I was like I gotta do this for a living. I have to fucking do it and he's an idol to any comic that came out of Boston. Same with Lenny clark and and don gavin and uh but steve was first steve was all over the radio and uh so uh wish me good luck then maybe we'll get some footage i'll bring the phone maybe shoot some uh video of what's going on there me getting thrown out of the q a uh You did comics come home a few years ago and everybody called you racist and stuff.

How do you feel? What do you mind your fucking business and go vote for another black female DA who wants to decriminalize shoplifting? Cheese dick. That would be the answer. Nickdip.com if you want my tour dates. This weekend I'll be at the Arlington draft house in arlington virginia both

friday and saturday night two shows and then next weekend uh september 21st on a friday night at the orphan theater in flagstaff arizona uh and then saturday september september 29th the fat black pussycat where i was this past saturday it was fucking killer. Two weekends in a row. Thursday, October 4th at the Texas Theater, Dallas, Texas. I'll be on with Slaughter with Crotter that afternoon, live in his studio. November 2nd and 3rd, Governors in Levittown, Long Island. Friday, November 9th and 10th,

Comics at Mohegan Sun, Uncasville, Connecticut. Right on the Mass border. And it's a great gig. So that is... That's what's happening Nick tip calm for all your ticket information so the NFL started up and they did play that Kaepernick commercial and just fucking he's got that face he that face that needs to be stomped on with golf shoes. And that stupid afro from the 60s, that I hate whitey look.

Just that fucking I hate whitey haircut. You go into the barbershop, that's what it says. You got the fade, you got the I hate whitey, and that's it. Corn rows. I don't know what they call those. Fucking whoopie Goldbergs. Looks like a dog shit on a head and it dried four years ago. How about washing those cornrows, Whoop?

I call her Whoop. I know her personally. Twinks, how are you? How was your weekend? Any gay sex? Fantastic. Yeah, what'd you do, cheesy? Actually, nothing.

Hurry up. Pick up the pace. I looked at a house. I looked at a five-bedroom house I'm trying to move into. What, are you going to break in at night? You have no fucking money. You're making $11 a year and house, looked at a five-bedroom house I'm trying to move into. What, are you going to break in at night? You have no fucking money. You're making $11 a year and you're looking in a five-bedroom? I'm trying to move in with six people.

That's what happens at that age. Got a good deal. I got an apartment. It's only $2,000. We divide that by 14 people. We sleep on top of each other. It'll be terrific. Well, good for you. I hope you don't get it. What? Why are you going to be like that, Nick?

Well, I'm a prick. You know. That's right. We're doing it live. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. Anyways, we are. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy.

Anyways, NFL weekend. The first game, Eagles and Atlanta. What was it? 1,100 yards and penalties. Fucking reviews. And at some point, you have to say, you announcers in the booth, after the 10th penalty, eight minutes into the game, here's a phrase for you.

Overofficiating. And there were no helmet on helmet. It was all holding, jumping off side. Over-fucking-officiating. Holding happens on every play. They could call it every play. These fuckers want to be on camera more than I do, and I'm in show business.

Half of them get their SAG card after fucking... Over-officiating. Anything over 12 penalties in a game, you're over-fucking-officiating. You get 12 penalties in a game, you're over-fucking-officiating. You get rapists and felons on the field. They're going to commit some infractions. It's baked into the cake. Over-officiating.

Put your fucking whistle away. Nobody's turning in to watch you. You dinks. Oh, pushing the back. Don't want to change that. You don't want to change that rule, NFL, do you? There's a push in the back that happens more than a goddamn gay nightclub in the men's room. A push in the back on every goddamn push in the fucking back.

Change the rule. It's not the players. It's the rule. Howard Cosell said it in the late 70s. 60% of the kick plays has a clipping call, he said. And he said it. It's the rule. Change it. You should be allowed one push in the back.

And some gay sex on punts. But, uh... Jesus H. Christ. Hello-wees. And why do the referees have to get there? Some guy jumps offside, so we all know the whole fucking, this gay fucking 12-year-old boys that go, that's offside. But the refs have to get together and chat about it for four minutes.

Seriously, go back to the 70s and 80s, maybe even the 90s. Somebody, there's a penalty call. The ref would touch his thing and go, not touch his thing, touch his microphone, and say, you know, encroachment. He didn't have to talk with the other four refs for 12 fucking minutes. I'm trying to help you, Goodell, improve your product since it's crashing, since the fucking angry black fella come up with his fucking sacrifice this idea. Sacrifice this. Anyways, other than that, but I'll tell you why the NFL,

the people still tune in. Even that hate Nike and shit, because the games like last night, the Packers and Bears. Did you see? Did you see it? I mean, Jesus Christ, it was tremendous. What the hell's going on out here? You know,

Kaepernick, excuse me, Kaepernick, fucking Aaron Rodgers, you know, just signed the biggest, I think the richest contract in NFL history. And the first half, they played like little girls.

The Bears were up like 17-0. Khalil Mack, is that his name? Sure not. White with that name. He was unbelievable. He had a pick six. Khalil Mack. Is that his name? Sure not. White with that name. He was unbelievable. He had a pick six.

He recovered a fumble, a couple sacks. I mean, they just got him the beer. Anyways, to get cut to the quick, Aaron Rodgers, biggest contract ever, gets sacked. Guy falls on his leg. It looked like it was bent into a U. He goes off on a cart. It looked like it was bent into a U. He goes off on a cart. It looks like just a fucking nightmare. And he goes off on a cart. And at halftime, they're actually getting booed at Lambeau.

And I've been to Lambeau, by the way, in January. Two degrees in 2002. Playoff game. Best thing I ever did. I got drunk. I got fucking drunk in a auto parts store. You don't understand? Let me explain it to you,

fucking white boy from Westchester. Lambeau Field is like, it's right in the middle of a neighborhood. It's a working class. It's like a high school, and they go nuts over it, and people open up their businesses, and the guy had a spread.

He had roast pigs and pork and buffet and fucking like five kegs. I'm next to a bunch of fucking, you know, mufflers and windshield wipers getting shit-faced at 9 in the morning. It was tremendous. But I digress. Anyways, Rodgers comes back, you know, like the hero that he is. And here's the comeback. They went down, whatever.

There's a couple plays from the comeback. Oh, that's the leg. That's a 300-pound black man landing on his tibia. And then he gets taken off of the cart, and he comes back for the second half and does this. One coverage. He gets taken off of the cart, and he comes back for the second half and does this. Oh, my aching stem. That was the first.

Go ahead. Continue. And That leg looks alright to me Oh Jesus H Holy shit That leg looks all right to me. Oh, Jesus H. Holy shit. Oh, my aching stem. Oh, my aching stem. What the hell's going on out here? There you go.

And it reminded, and they brought it up, and I said it to my wife. I go, you wouldn't, I said to my wife, you wouldn't know because you were two years old, but a guy named Willis Reed for the Knicks. Every time somebody talks about an injury happening, 1970, the Knicks-Lakers finals at Madison Square Garden, and Willis Reed tore a muscle in game five, a thigh muscle, missed all of game six, and everybody said, well, the Knicks are fucking doomed.

Anyways, he comes limping in and hits a couple of baskets. And then. I think we see Willis coming out. Here comes Willis. And the crowd is going wild. On that to read on the forecourt. Right side from 20 jumps. Bang.

Yes. Willis is hit on. Look at him. He's running like fucking somebody come up with something quick. A guy with a bad leg. Anyways, they went on to win their first NBA championship, game seven at the Garden. And that's the first thing I thought of it.

Al Michaels, God bless him. Still a guy with testosterone in the booth. Actually brought that up. But let me tell you about the Chicago Bears real quick. You guys have nothing to be ashamed of. That's a good defense. That is a good and that Khalil Mack. Holy Christ. I know he was good, but they were pushing around the Bears. I mean, the the Packers both sides of the ball until Jesus Christ himself showed up with his bad. How bad was it, though? Jesus Christ himself showed up with his bad leg. How bad was it, though? Fat guy fell on his leg.

I'm starting to think he probably went in there and goes, you know what? It doesn't even fucking hurt, but I can't go back out there now. I look like an asshole. Let's stay in here for a few minutes, and then I'll come out at halftime. But Aaron Rodgers, he's worth every penny of that contract. Plus, he's got Danica Patrick looking on. You think that might be worth a blowjob, that comeback? From a nice race car driver? All due respect, Danica. Didn't mean to.

We had her on Nick and Artie. She couldn't have been nicer and stuff. But it's a tough life he's got there. Not like he's going home to Rosie O'Donnell. She's got her face in a bowl of polenta. That fucking farting. How's it going, kids? How are you?

All right? But that's why the NFL, nobody will ever kill it. Shit like that. That's scripted stuff, you'd think, but it's not. That's why I love sports.

You fucking fruit cups love your theater, but it's all written and shit. Don't get me wrong. I partake in the theater. It's how I make a living. Once every 11 years, somebody throws me in a show.

833-599-6425. 833-594-625. I was watching TV over the weekend, and Obama last week gave a speech at the University of Illinois. Another crowd filled with enemies, I guess. What a big girl this guy is. But you know, most presidents, once they get out of office,

they keep their fucking yap shut. And he has pretty much for a while, but that's only because he's being embarrassed by what Trump's doing. And I would hide, too, if I was him. Fucking Trump's got more done in a year and a half than Mama Luke has in eight. So I think that's why he's keeping them. But he couldn't help it. His ego and his fucking big liberal

and his big shit-eating grin and gave a speech that was just ripping Trump a new asshole. And congratulations, you Democrats. He's back on the, he's stumping for the midterms. This is a guy that you lost over a thousand legislative seats on during eight years. Every time his name wasn't on the ballot, but his ideas were, you took it right in the ass. You took it in the ass.

From Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. He's such a good speaker. This is the most average fucking speech I've ever heard in my life. But Obama calls out Trump in University of Illinois speech. But it was all lies. Yes, it was. Former President Obama criticized Trump and the GOP at a speech at University of Illinois.

While accepting an award, get this, folks. Hold on to your britches, for ethical behavior while in office. Ethical behavior. That's like when he got the Nobel Peace Prize.

Guy caused more havoc on the planet than fucking Hitler in eight years. But the ethical, he got it. Yeah, it's the Paul H. Douglas Awards. Paul H. Douglas must have been a lying motherfucker. Anybody know Pauly? But Obama did tell some whoppers like this one. We will keep this promise to the American people.

If you like your doctor, you will be able to keep your doctor. Period. If you like your health care plan, you will be able to keep your health care plan. Period. Period. That's why we haven't seen him in the last eight months.

Fucking embarrassed. So he gave a speech i i i watched it in real time and uh i was just sitting there shooting holes through all of it honest to god but it was a nice reminder of why uh trump got elected and uh i was just sitting there going oh my god i could answer that one that that's fucking easy and university of Illinois in front of a bunch of college kids who know absolutely nothing other than what they get from Yahoo News and all the other social media left leaning

horseshit and the poor babies are indoctrinated by their professors on campus women with crew cuts and mustaches and the guys with fucking you know velvet patches on their elbows those professors that are trying to finger pop them half the class, you know, that type.

Anyways, let's take a look at some of the speech. Here's clip number one. Start with Donald Trump. He is a symptom, not the cause. He's just capitalizing on resentments that politicians have been fanning for years it was a striking turnaround for a man who initially yeah trump is a symptom not the cause what what uh what caused caused Hillary to be a symptom? What disease was that? That's my question.

That was my knee-jerk reaction. She's a symptom of what? The fucking swamp. A very corrupted government. So. She's a symptom. She wasn't the cause. How do you stand up there and do that? This guy's got

balls like a fucking Grecian elephant. How do you fucking stand up there? It didn't start with him, and then he got into all his racial shit. He can't help himself. He does it in nice terms and very eloquently with that shit-eating grin, all the dummies,

all the seals. Meanwhile, he's calling this country, you know, founded by racists. It's blah, blah, blah, blah. Fucking broken. Please stay out there with all your midterm candidates. Get right the fuck back. Stand on stage with them, please. I beg of you.

Then he actually sort of referenced the deep state. Go ahead. Clip number two. They're not doing us a service by actively promoting 90% of the crazy stuff that's coming out of this White House. And then saying, don't worry, we're preventing the other 10%. Thank you. He sort of, that was referenced to that anonymous op ed, you know, and whoever, you know, the supposedly senior official in the Trump administration saying that he's out of control. And we're thinking, we actually talked about the 25th Amendment invoking that. And his only complaint is, you're not giving us at all. You're only giving us 90% the wacky shit that meanwhile it's his administration

that dropped a spy into the fucking trump uh the trump campaign while he was running for president it's his department of justice it's his leftovers from the fbi the strokes of the world elisa pages who try to keep a duly elected president from fucking going on with his I mean shameless shameless everybody sitting home going what the fuck are you talking about and his only beef is we're not getting 100% of the wacky shit that Trump's trying to do I don't know the economy is

seriously the best economy ever maybe ISIS was crushed in about five minutes and stuff like that. Little things, you know, even pardoned Jack Johnson, for Christ's sake, and a black woman who was in jail for drugs. Don't bring that up. Clip number three. I watched it, but I fell asleep.

I found he's very good. Very good for sleeping. First of all, he didn't sleep. This guy's up tweeting at three in the fucking morning. I think he might still do a blow. I don't know. From back in his days. But he said he fell asleep during the...

But he might be right. I watched it. Just the same old shit. The Republicans are... And he has to pause with each sound really deep in thought. Are the... You know, they like to look back. One party looks ahead. One looks back.

Yeah, we're looking back because we want to remember how fucking good it was before you showed up. You know, one party likes. That's the other thing that cracked. One party likes to look back. Let me ask you, what party of those kids who tear down the statues of Confederate soldiers? What party they. How do you think they vote? Are they looking back? They're still upset about shit

that happened in 1847? Suck it! Suck it! I say suck it! What a cheese dick. I hope his face is all over TV. Tell the guy if he wants to, you know, online

one, if he wants to talk about something, it has to be what I'm talking about. We got a rule here, folks. You call in and you're not on topic, you don't get on the fucking air. Otherwise, I'd be talking about

14 different subjects every fucking minute. That's what we do here. Talk about 21. Clip number four from the Cheese Dick. And by the time I left office, household income was near its all-time high,

and the uninsured rate had hit an all-time low, and wages were rising, and poverty rates were falling. I mention all this just so when you hear how great the economy is doing right now, let's just remember when this recovery started. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! That's funny,

because the whole first four years you were in office, you were blaming fucking Bush for the fucking economy and everything. Is that how it works? What a... It was the people at Goldman Sachs who fucking, they caused the mess and then they cleaned it up. You fucking wouldn't know how to run a lemonade stand.

You've never run a business in your life. You've never been in a private sector in your life. You've never earned a penny other than fucking community organizing and all that other horseshit. Shut up! Shut up! Only president, only president in history

never to reach 3.0 GDP in his fucking term. Only one ever. Not to mention, and he was right, he pointed out the Republicans running up the debt, which they are.

They spend way too much money. But he, he added more to the debt than all the presidents combined. where do you get your tits you fucking fool hey did you talk to the guy and does he want to talk about something else otherwise i don't want to keep him hanging state of comedy the state of comedy is the state of New York. Oh, yeah. So, again, he lost over 1,000 seats. The Democrats did.

Well, some of them probably don't want him there. But you know what? He's the first African-American president, and that's worth more than anything. Again, because their mantra is what? Republicans are racist. We love black people. So he'll always be relevant. But he should go away and shut his hole like G.W. Bush did when Obama became president.

And like all the other presidents, they had a little bit of class. But that shows you how desperate they are. What are they going to run, Kamala Harris? But that shows you how desperate they are. What are they going to run? Kamala Harris? 833-599-6425 is the air phone number. What happened? Tom jumped off?

Go ahead. Come on, Jace. Come on. I tried to get back on the line with him. I didn't hear anything, so I just dropped it. Oh, he wasn't? Yeah. He lost interest.

Let's talk about Toyota trucks. My aching stem. My aching stem. Hey, I got a video for you fellas. Not you fellas. I mean, fellas in general. But this was fucking hilarious. Headline, cheerleader, pummels girl who challenges her to a fight. I'm expecting like a couple of skinny blonde cheerleader girls

and kind of a fucking cat fight. But no, it looked like Warren Sapp challenges this little white girl to a fucking beatdown. And boy, did she get the surprise of her life. Fucking cat fight. But no. It looked like Warren Sapp challenged this little white girl. To a fucking beatdown. And boy did she get the surprise of her life. Savannah Sprague. A cheerleader for the Clayton Valley Charter High School. Brutally beating an identified.

Brutally beating. Because the girl she was beating. Was fat and black. So it's a brutal beating. even though it was a chick fight. Brutally beating an identified girl who had just challenged her to a fight as the cheerleader sat at a table and conquered California. I've been there. While surrounded by other youngsters, some still holding their book bag.

Let's take a look, shall we? She's not going to hit her. Oh, she's not going to hit her. What are you going to do? Are you going to make me get back? Are you going to make me get back? Don't fucking touch me. Don't fucking touch me. Jules, bro. Jules, no. Get the fuck back.

Babe, don't get it to him. Oh, God damn. Hey, get on. Jules! Oh, God. All right, kill it. Follow the codes. I probably gave you the code.

Ah. What do you think of that, folks? Soon as the white girl turns her head and looks away, the black girl suckers her. But she thought she was dealing with another skinny, white, anorexic, cute little girl, which they hate, by the way. When I lived in L.A., my wife's a blonde hair and blue eyes. She'd get bumped off the sidewalk by black chicks.

She got the fucking evil eye. I was with her in a supermarket. Girl tried to cut in front of her. Hate fucking black chicks. You got the fucking evil eye. I was with her in a supermarket. Girl tried to cut in front of her. Hate fucking white chicks. White people in general. But as soon as a white girl turned her fucking face to look away, crack. And boy, how about a hand for her? And I know, you guys, you young guys, that's better than any porn you'll watch.

A girl in a cheerleading outfit, spread eagle, punching somebody's face in. I mean, for Christ's sake, you got your sex, you got your violence. That was... That would be a trailer for a fucking Sony movie. I mean, yum. Am I right, Ryan?

She fought better than the guys in my high school. I know. That broad could go. She could go. Oh, that goes without saying. Hey, we got Steve Sweeney on line one. Is that correct, Jason? Yeah? Yeah?

Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow night I'm going up to Boston to the premiere of this fella's movie. I mentioned him early in the opening. The reason I got into the comedy was this guy. And it's called Sweeney killing Sweeney the premieres already sold out it's the Boston Comedy Festival and he's on the line right now the great one the legend is Steve Stevie boy what's going on well can you make it any more difficult to get on your freaking show you give me three different numbers it's just like I just came from Channel 2, WGBH.

I put into my phone, you know, I said, go take me to WGBH in Brighton, Mass., and they direct me to Univision in freaking Ohio. I am so, you know, I'm such a fossil. And I just called my friend. I said, I'm going to be on Nick DiPaolo a fossil. And I just called my friend. I said, I'm going to be on Nick DiPaolo's show. And she says, oh, I'll post it. I said, what?

She says, oh, yeah, I got a lot of followers. I said, what are you, a guru? What the hell's going on? All of this new technology. Jesus God. But anyway, Nick, I can't tell you. I can't begin to explain to you what an honor, what a thrill. You know, I was on your show when you were on Sirius.

Remember Sirius? Is that how you pronounce it? Sirius? Yes, sir. Yeah, and the caller before me, I don't know if you remember, and he was like in Oklahoma, and he said, you know, Nick, I've been listening to you about 14 times. Every time I hear you, God, I love you.

And he said, God, I love you and I love the goddamn Confederate flag. That's right. And Jefferson Davis, too. And I said, okay, here we go. I love it. Here we go. Nicky Tappalo, let me tell you something. Yeah, hold on. Let me, hold on.

Hold on. What are you doing? Blow still? Let me get a word in here. First of all, I love that we get a guy from South Boston making fun of how people talk. Secondly, the guy from Oklahoma was. Charles Town. Don't ever say I'm from. No. Hey, you, you, you, you are from Charles Town.

Charles Town. Way more racist. Hold on. Okay. Charles Town. Okay. No, hold on. Hold on. Okay, Charles. No, hold on. Hold on. But you're making fun of a guy from Oklahoma for being racist. He's about one one hundredth as racist as the people you grew up with.

Am I correct, sir? Well, that's the point. Yeah. All right. Let's move on. Hey, Steve. All right, let me ask you. You know, I just did a show on public, let me finish. I just did a show on public television, right?

And the people on before me, these three feminist women, you know, God bless them all. But, you know, they were talking about Louis, you know, and of course, Louis used to open for me, Louis C.K. Great, when you know the guy, it's all different, you know, and talking about louis you know and of course louis used to open for me louis ck great when you know the guy it's all different you know and they want to like jesus christ so it's a life sentence to make one mistake what the fuck right you know i mean it's like it's like unbelievable but then i what i said was thank god i'm a failure because if i do something they go to the newspaper they say well who gives a shit? That's only Sweeney, that local failure. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Well, you know what, Steve? You know what I mean? Yeah, but this movie. Where's the story? Where's the story? Who gives a shit? You know what I mean? This movie might change all that if this movie's as funny as the scene you and I did.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you one thing about this movie. If I, I'm going to list you the people in this movie and I'll tell you, I am just, I, they're all my friends, but they're so freaking brilliant. Jonathan Katz, all in different ways, Jonathan Katz, Lenny Clark, Nick DiPaolo, Frank Tantarelli, Stephen Wright. Those guys, I mean, I put them up against anyone in the comedy world. I tried to get Colin Quinn, but you know how Colin is, right? Yeah.

It takes him nine years to decide whether he's going to get a ham and cheese or a pepper steak. You know how he is. That bastard. I'm such a fan of his, and I love him. Yeah. And I love yeah no yeah you know and I love I love your attitude

on the radio you know you got a great voice for this kind of thing that you do on the radio and uh

you know let me plug in I'm gonna if anybody hears this podcast up here in New England which I guess they do because I don't follow

this shit we're also at the Cabot Theater in Beverly, which is near where you grew up. That's on October 7th. We've got a question and answer. And I think we're going to be on one of these, what they call platforms.

What that means is like an Amazon or a Netflix or one of those bullshit things. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm so psyched that you're fucking coming up, you motherfucker. I really am. Stevie, I wouldn't miss it. Look, I told the story on this show a couple times

about when we first met. I was a barback at Stitch's Comedy Club. I got drunk on a St. Patrick's Day. You don't remember because you're all fucked up. I got drunk on a St. Patrick's Day at noontime. I got shit-faced St. Patrick's Day at noontime.

I got shit-faced. My buddy was a bartender in Boston. I got on the T, and I was so fucked up I got lost. I got off on Huntington Avenue. I'm wandering down the sidewalk, literally having a debate about whether I should become a comedian or not. I was thinking about you because I was in awe of you, like everybody that worked at Stitches.

And who comes out of a fucking bar, not 30 seconds after I was thinking about you, I was in awe of you like everybody that worked at Stitches and who comes out of a fucking bar not 30 seconds after I was thinking about you but you and you took me in and bought me a Guinness remember and then we went to fucking Southie at dark and you go and you handed me your watch you said here take this I was so naive I'm like this guy loves me he's

giving me his watch and then I realized we were on Avenue B or something you were going to buy coke and you got chased you got chased out of you got chased down this three Give me his watch. And then I realized we were on Avenue B or something. You were going to buy Coke. And you got chased. You got chased out of here. You got chased down this street by like three thugs. Oh, there were more than three. There was at least six.

But don't, hey, don't let that, you know, some people, their dirty laundry is like sexual shit. Don't ever let anyone know I ran away. I should have stood there and took my beating. You know, you didn't have to win, but you had to fight. You had to take your beating. I should have taken my beating.

Jesus Christ. Then you came in on Monday at Stitches and you fucking blamed me. You thought I told the cab driver to take off, which I did just the opposite. I said, we have to go get that guy. Where are you going? And the cabbie wouldn't stop. Oh, you know what happened?

You know what happened? You know, we all get these great stories, right, about what happened. But it's the moment of truth. I was standing there. There were like three or four guys. And I just said, I just started telling them who I knew, you know, and they decided not to beat the shit out of me. You know, you talked your way out of it like a comedian should. What the fuck? Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, do you remember in Goodfellas when Robert De Niro was kicking the guy?

You know, come here, take that, you bastard. Yeah. I mean, they didn't play fair. Those guys don't play fair. No, they don't. I guess when you look back at life, you know, there's blessings in certain things. I don't know how the fuck I get off on that. But anyway. I don't know how the fuck I get off on that. But anyway.

I did. It's nice to be able to swear. I just did public TV. They spent an hour and a half talking about the color blue. Jesus God. But anyway. Talking about your balls for a half hour. I'll tell you something.

I'm going to tell you, Nick, as a friend. How many people listen to your podcast, would you say? I would say upwards to 15 to 20. Yeah, and you know what? I've got to say this, and I don't mean anything by it, but the kid who answers your phone, get a little fucking life. This is fucking life. Hi, this is the nick apollo show i feel like i'm calling fucking you know to get my cable bill or something jesus fucking

christ oh he's a nice for english he's a nice he's a nice little fucking life going a little enthusiasm i know he's a he's a he's a he's a fucking shy kid. Anyway, Stevie, let's plug your thing. Let me ask you one thing. Yeah. Because this is what I wonder about. Oh, by the way, I got to tell you, Nick, because I don't know how many people are listening, but you and I are friends.

We can share this. I'm on so much fucking medication. I don't know whether I'm growing up, but I got to get the dosage checked. And, you know, I'm going up, but I got I got the so I gotta get the dosage check and you know I'm addicted to YouTube. I love YouTube and I've been watching the Arty Lang. Is that his name? They used to work with Howard Stern. Yes What's his name Arty Lang Arty Lang, yes Yes, I did a show with him up in Worcester for cops, he's a nice guy but Yes, I did a show with him up in Worcester for Cops.

He's a nice guy, but I'm so addicted to all this shit on YouTube about which one hates the other one and the story between Artie. You like that stuff? I don't. I like the dirt. I lived it. Me and Artie had a show together, and I lived it. I can't follow the dirt. It's like a soap opera.

I love him. I still love Artie. Don't get me wrong, but I'm just saying as far as drugs, he made you look like a fucking altar boy, Stevie. I'll tell you. And that's saying something because you're frightening. You're like Pablo Escobar.

Let's plug. Let me ask you. Can I tell you one story because you've done all the talk. I know. You know what? Let me ask you. Call me Mr. Coke. Can I tell you one story? Because you've done all the talk. Go ahead. I was up on Eton Hill. I was banging on a window. It was a Monday night at 2 a.m.

And I'm with this guy. And the guy inside the place, you know, trying to get some Coke. He says, get out of here, you assholes. And I said to the guy I was with, I said, who's talking to us like we're addicts? And the guy says, like we're addicts? Hey, listen, I want to

ask you something, because you're a guy that I respect not only your talent, but your intelligence. Why do these homeless white guys think we want to see them with their shirt off? When you come to uh david square you'll see this these really skinny homeless guys yeah they all just have the urge to take their shirt off why do they think we want to see that well i'll tell you why because they're

confused sexually number one number two i notice all the homeless white guys are in very liberal cities like boston and like fucking Seattle. I don't see him in New York. The black guys, the homeless guys, they have their shirts off because they're ripped. They're living on cherry Coke and Cheetos and fucking weed and Coke. And they're shredded. And but the white kids, the white homeless kids. I see that in Seattle and Boston and fucking Oregon, you know, Portland.

And, you know, they just say they want to be part of the downtrodden. Meanwhile, they're wearing $200 Nike sneakers. Fuck them. But anyway, Stevie, I got to run. Now listen. Yep. You got to run. What the fuck?

This is only a podcast. I got to run even on a podcast? Yes, motherfucker. If you stop watching Artie Lang on YouTube and watching this show, you'd know I get callers lined up I get stories here to get through this ain't no Mickey Mouse thing All right, can I just end with one impression of a few homeless homeless guys in Boston? Yeah guys just Love what is it with homeless guys? I've got a fascination.

Anyway, the guy's standing there saying, I got ants in my pants and I want to dance. I got ants in my pants and I want to dance. Now, another guy, I swear to God, Nick, he's walking around the subway. He's going, your honey be shiny. Hide it, else I'm going to bite it. Your honey be shiny. Hide it, else I bite it your honey be shiny hide it else i'm

gonna bite it so there you go there's some edifying fucking humor for you so the movie is called sweeney killing sweeney and you know we're gonna be on one of those platforms can i get back on your show yeah if you can find it oh my god we lost, we lost him, and he's going to blame me. Anyways, Sweeney killing Sweeney. The Farrelly brothers, the producers are involved, so maybe it will see the light of day, because, like I said, he was in a lot of their other movies. And I had a scene with Steve where I played an angry hot dog vendor,

and I'm shitting all over this kid, like the Twinks age, and I'm giving life advice to sweeney and i'm using references from uh what do you call jerry garcia's band the grateful dead grateful dead i'm acting like a fucking guru giving out life advice and talking about the grateful dead and uh it's really they'd let me ad lib like we did like 16 different takes and they let me come up with different lines and uh it's it's got the guy's brilliantly funny bill brought us who wrote it is so go see it anyways i showed you the fight with the with the uh black girl and the little uh white cheerleader which again just uh we can't we just all get along for the love of christ what

could they have been fighting about? Fucking carbohydrates and obviously the heavyset black girl hates the little skinny white girl who's fucking, you know, apparently privileged because she was born with an ass. Anyways, let's stay on the chick talk. A lot of chick sports today. Did you see Serena Williams?

Did you see her get all whiny and shit? She was getting beat by this little Japanese girl. Did you see that? all whiny and shit? She was getting beat by this little Japanese girl. Did you see that? You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? What do you mean act like a man? She is a man.

I'm tired of this too. And I love, I've been trying to defend Serena Williams forever because I told you, she smiled at me one morning. I did the Howard Stern show. I had left the studio. I'm walking down the sidewalk. She gave me this big grin and a high that was just very flirtatious and um it was sort of like a girl smiling and and jim brown smiling at the same time but uh let's not pretend she doesn't have

a fucking physical advantage it was it's almost like the clip i just showed you the black girl weighed about 260 and the white girls were at 110 but serena fucking had a meltdown because she was getting beat and of course the u.s open crowd which is right in fleshing new york they reflexively you know political correctness take her fucking side and little japanese girl was crying and shit but i've tried to like serena but she does this shit a lot she's playing against women that's not fair she can play don't get me wrong but

Jesus so could Ray Lewis I'm sure with a history the guy wrote this article who sort of agree with me with a history of sore losing behavior Serena lit up the chair umpire after a second code violation for smashing her racket that cost her a point to start the sixth game of the second set. Yes? I have never cheated in my life.

I have a daughter and I stand to his right for her and I've never cheated. I would have asked for it, but that's all right. Go ahead. I thought the yes was you asking for it when you looked at me. No, no, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead. You just damaged it.

A few moments later. That's not right. This is not fair. This has happened to me too many times. This is not fair. This is not fair. But to give me a point to lose a game for what we're saying, that is not fair. At the cost of a game penalty.

Say it. Say you're sorry. Fuck you. You owe me an apology. Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. And you stole a point from me. You're a thief, too. Yeah, but calling him a thief is really what put it over the top. Quiet. Quiet like a bitch. You know how many other men do things that are

I don't want to do much worse. This is not fair. Quiet. Quiet like a bitch. This is not fair. First of all, there was a big thing about what she wanted to wear. She wanted to wear something that wasn't approved by the U.S. Open. I think they gave in on that one, too. And then it turns into, this isn't fair.

This always happens to me, so that's racial. And then men do this all the time. She's fucking filled with modern fucking feminism thoughts in her head in the middle of a match. This isn't fair. It's not fair that you're 205 and your opponents are 111. That's what's not fucking fair.

You should be playing against fucking men. And I love you because, again, you smiled at me and I'm that shallow that I would like somebody who just fucking smiles at me. But Jesus Christ, do you hear it? It's in their DNA. This doesn't happen to anybody else. This only happens to me. The first violation was her coach was supposedly coaching her from the stands. And the coach said, everybody does that. They never call anybody on it. Then she smashed a fucking racket. But then she says that if I can, you know, get in the guy's face, you stole this match from me and you're a fucking thief and take it like the man that you are. You fucking lost.

and take it like the man that you are. You fucking lost. And according to this guy who knows his tennis, she would have lost anyways. Who knows? I've seen her make some great comebacks. But come on, Serena. I'm trying to like you.

You smiled at me with your pretty smile. But every time I see you now, you're bellyaching. Ah, because I'm black. Because I'm a woman. You can act like a man. What's the matter with you? Yeah, called Carlos Ramos a thief. She called a Latino fella a thief.

That's fucking outright racist. Surprised you didn't say you're illegal. Get out of that chair. I like the way she smashed her racket. And yes, McEnroe made a living doing it. But he also was fucking fined all the time. He wanted me to do his show, John McEnroe. He had a talk show for about five minutes.

And yeah, they called me. This was whenever he had a show, 10, 15 years ago. And he wanted me to do a stand-up on his show. And I go, what's it pay? I said to my agent, ask my agent. He gets back to me. It doesn't pay anything. They said, do it for the exposure.

And I said, nah, go fuck yourself. He doesn't play tennis for free. He's playing a kid's game. He makes fucking zillions. I'm going to go embarrass myself on this show. And I love McEnroe, too. But he was white and privileged. He never, you know, he wasn't punished for this and

fucking wah. Let's go to, we got a Matt who wants to talk about Serena in Florida. Matt, what's going on, fella? What's going on, Nick? How are you? Pretty good. You are literally my favorite comedian.

I just want to say I've been listening to you since the Tough Crowd days. I'm 26 years old, and I've grown up with you. You know, you've definitely shaped the way I view the world, which is great. I love that you're 26, and you're only 26, and you know me from Tough Crowd. That's unbelievable. You must have been watching when you were four. I love you. You're my older brother

always showed me all your shit, and especially all your roasts and stuff like that. It was great. It was the best. But Serena, I mean, this is why no one likes women's sports.

She's just complaining and crying and saying it's a double standard. It's not. This guy has a track record of being strict with this stuff. Is that right? Yeah, I think Andy Murray,

back in the Olympics, he faulted him and penalized him. And this is not a double standard. It's bullshit. Yeah. It's because it's her age. And she's grown up being told by the politicians that she follows that she's a victim because she's a black female. And now it's grown into a sense of entitlement and that this doesn't happen to anybody else and whatever.

And it's on the tip of their tongue 24 hours a day. We're probably going to hear LeBron James talk about it on his show, about how on his, you know, HBO show where he just sits around and talks with a bunch of people that agree with him. And he just complains about how, you know, black people, you know, their voice isn't heard in this country. Are you kidding me? Grow up, LeBron James. Meanwhile, you're backing Hillary Clinton. It's just nonsense.

It's disgusting. It is. It's tiring between Colin Kaepernick and this shit. But she thinks she's entitled and stuff. And, you know, she's getting beat and smashed a fucking racket. And I like sore losers. You show me a good loser, I'll show you a loser. But when she got into the hole, you took a point away from me.

And this doesn't happen to men. And, first of all, you're half a man. Let's be honest. The whole, you took a point away from me, and this doesn't happen to men. And fucking, first of all, you're half a man. Let's be honest. But there's apparently an Australian cartoonist who's getting in trouble for a drawing he did about her. And they're saying it's racist.

And it's not. It's just showing her, like, pouting and jumping up and down. And they're claiming it's racist. It's not. Wait a minute. That's all she's doing is pouting? I got to believe she was. Wait a minute. That's all she's doing is pouting? I've got to believe she was... The guy

did a drawing of her and the head Carlos Ramos guy was talking to the other tennis player. He's saying, can't you just let her win? Can't you just give her the point? Meanwhile, Serena's jumping up and down and banging a racket.

There's a binky on the ground like she's a baby. Which she was. Yes, how's that racist? No, it's not. It's not. Of course, everyone's just going to use it. I was also listening to I forget who it was today, but somebody said her initials are SJW,

which is kind of hilarious. Oh, Jesus. Is that what it That's true. Oh my God. That is kind of fucked up. And she had the Nike dress on and shit. Whatever. I'm just... Like I said, I want to like her.

I want to like her. She is. She's a great athlete, but nobody talks about the physical advantage she has over opponents and stuff. But I want to like her. I appreciate everything she's... But I want to see her play a guy but I want to see her play a guy. I want to see her play a guy in a wheelchair with cancer, and I still think he'd get a couple points.

There's a compilation on YouTube of her playing against the guys, and it is the greatest thing ever. She can't even return the serve. She just can't even touch it. Let's see if we can find that. The greatest. All right. Hey, Matt, great call, buddy.

Nick, by the way, I heard – does your brother have a house down in Naples, Florida? In that area, yes. You should come down here and go to the Off the Hook Comedy Club. I'd love to see you live. I just don't like the name of it. All right, Matt, take care, man. I've been up it probably is decent but the fuck actually let's go to uh real quickly let's go to caitlin uh a bartender friend in connecticut wants to comment on the girl fights caitlin uh your thoughts on the little white girl and the

heavyset black woman getting into it i uh i as a male enjoyed it i enjoyed it thoroughly oh i don't blame you i mean no everybody loves a blonde cheerleader kicking the shit out of someone um see where i grew up i um i grew up in like a suburban town but but we had a lot of inner city kids in our school. And the best way to make sure black chicks would fuck with you as a white girl was to let them know that you were fucking nuts. And that's what I did. And black chicks never fucked with me.

I wouldn't fuck with you. Because they knew I was crazy. Yes, they do. I know. They do respect crazy. That goes for black guys, too. No, if you just, like, and black chicks love, like, they love, like, giving, like, you know, especially, like, skinny blonde white chicks, like, a hard time just for no reason.

I mean, I wasn't a skinny blonde chick. I was kind of chunky with dark hair. But, yeah i uh you just gotta act like you're crazy and like they don't fuck with you you say you say they they give you a hard time for no reason no there is a reason you're a fucking white girl and uh that's the fucking reason and and and they were raised to fucking hate your guts and i saw it in la i saw my wife many times, numerous times in L.A. In supermarkets, on the fucking sidewalk, at restaurants. They fucking bump into her. And I'd sit there and go, I'm not getting involved with that chick.

She'll rip my head off. You know, like a good husband. And then it's, what are you looking at? You cannot go on and on. And then you just want to... What's wrong with you? Yeah, but... Well, I'll tell you,

these guys, I'm telling you, these fucking young fellas yanking it to that video. It was almost, I thought it was staged. No, I mean, I get that girl props, man.

That was aggressive. Well, she gave the broad 10 chances no I mean like that girl like I mean I give that girl props man that was like aggressive yeah well she gave the broad 10 chances and then the girl wouldn't stop alright Caitlin I gotta I have to run but thank you for weighing in it's always good to have a woman on the show alright I'll talk to you alright have a good one next time

bye those cheerleading outfits I don't know I don't know. I don't know who came up. Fucking genius. Put that right up there with Henry Ford and the fucking conveyor belts. I got a clip of Arena losing to guys. The compilation he was talking about, I think.

Go ahead. Throw that up there. He thinks now. He ends it with I think. It's probably going to be. Here we go. She returned it. Yeah.

That really didn't prove the point, Ryan, but okay. Is there more? That was racist. That was some racist shit. Credit to Agnieszka Redwanska. Excellent work from the back of the... That was racist. That was some racist shit. What's he doing? I want to see it. She's returning the shit.

Got it. It's on the line. Thanks. Yeah, it just says versus, man. It doesn't necessarily say she's returning the shit got it it's on the line thanks yeah it just says versus man it doesn't necessarily say she's getting yeah no again thanks for proving

half the point with that visual I uh fucking guys she still smacked a racket once that's not the point the guy said

she couldn't return any of the fucking serves fine that but uh that was sort of the point and I appreciate you're getting much better that was uh

that was almost proving the point we were talking about. Our father who art in heaven. God, I'm dreading. Anyways, Serena, come on. You're a fucking Hall of Famer. Act like it. Hey, more chick sports news. Yeah.

It comes under the heading of... You can act like a man. That one gets cut off. I don't know why. Mississippi homecoming queen boots game-winning extra point. Kaylee Foster was crowned homecoming queen of Ocean Springs High School

before Friday night's football game. She then put on her football uniform, later kicked the winning extra point to lead her team to a 13-12. We have the actual, we have the footage of the winning kick, I think. This is to win the game. Good for her.

That's all I got to say. She was later chased by three black women who were over 400 pounds in the parking lot. No, but here's the thing. First of all, that's a clutch kick, even though it's an extra point. Okay. Initially, the story said she hit a field goal and that had to be corrected. But she'd been kicking with a football varsity team since she was a sophomore.

Pretty cool. But I don't want since she was a sophomore. Pretty cool. But I don't want to rain on a parade, okay? I don't. That's fucking great. And I never kick. I was a kicker too. Not just. Why'd your eyes light up, Jason?

I'm pretty sure I could take in a wrestling match. I played. I was a running back and I was a fucking strong safety slash linebacker. And I played. I was a running back, and I was a fucking strong safety slash linebacker. And I kicked. I did it all. I sold hot dogs to heavy set girls. And what was my point before I fucking lost my mind? My point is, enjoy it now, Kaylee, because that's it.

It works in high school and shit, and I'm not being sexist, but see, there's a guy out there who can kick the ball further than you, and that's not being sexist. It's biology. Same reason guys can throw harder. It's literally biology. Am I right, Jason? Because we looked at Jason's x-ray of his shoulder.

He has all the shoulder, he has all the ligaments of a 12-year-old girl. Yeah, I throw like 30 miles per hour. I was only kidding, but he just backed me up. So I had to quit playing catcher. I couldn't make the throw down the second. Thank you.

But this, some guy, and the other thing is I always see this, I'm like, there's some kid out there that probably that guy can kick, you know, whatever. I'm happy for the guy. I want to piss on a parade, but I'm just saying, just like the little black girl in Little League, that was the pitcher from that Philly town. Eight minutes late, we didn't know who she was. But this is cool because she was actually, this is the first time in about a year I've seen somebody crowned queen of the prom and it wasn't a guy. Very refreshing.

A cute girl. She's got the flowers after the show. That's a great day. You were crowned queen of the prom, then you kicked the winning. That's fucking tremendous. I'm just saying it's all going to end the day after you did that. I don't mean to piss on your parade, but I'm just saying. Guys have big fucking femurs

and fucking fat asses that provide the... It's nice to see. She actually looked like a girl. I've seen a few of the kickers and punters. You ever watch kick, pass, and punt? They're like, Dave from Denver. It's a white kid. Weighs about 111.

Then they're like, Judy from Burlington, Vermont. She fucking looks like Gronk. She fucking punts it like 170 yards. I'm serious. You ever watch punt passing? Everybody has a different category, you know. But I'm just saying she looked like a girl. And that's a good fucking story.

I'm just saying, Serena, learn something. Have some class, will you? What's the other William's sister? Venus? What the fuck happened to her? And don't tell me diabetes. As Tracy Morgan said,

she got sugar foot. I'm going to get her pregnant. Oh, let's talk about the Emmy Awards, shall we? Let's keep it right where we like it, right in our wheelhouse. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. Emmys make history. As black actors sweep guest categories.

Uh, you people in fucking Hollywood, you lib, you don't even know how to hide your white guilt anymore. Nick, what are you saying? Not all these black actors deserve that? I am saying that. I am saying that. I am saying that. I am, without even seeing their performances. I am. After the backlash,

the fucking two white, hashtag two white Oscars, and all the other horse shit, you had to have lived out there and dealt with these people in the industry. They're the most spineless cowards you'll ever meet, white ones. And somebody probably showed up they're the most spineless cowards you'll ever meet white ones and somebody

probably showed up at some fucking the producers of the Emmys house like Suge Knight sent two of his boys and said look they're gonna win it all but really you want me to believe this there was no performances of Asians or Indians or Japanese

really all for the guests the only one I agree with performances of Asians or Indians or Japanese. Really? All four of the guests. The only one I agree with is fucking Cat Williams because I love Cat Williams. I love Cat Williams. He's a funny pimp. That's what he is. Tiffany Haddish won Best Guest Actress

in a comedy for hosting SNL. Yeah, I'm sure there were no other performances in there. Ron Cephas Jones won Best Guest Actor in a Drama for This Is Us. Samara Wiley won Best Guest Actress in a Drama for Yo Yo Yo What's Up What's Up What's Up. No, The Handmaid's Tale. And Cat Williams won for Chitlins and Motherfucking Bacon Up and His Fucking Pitbull Puppy. Cat Williams won Best Guest actor in a comedy for Atlanta.

So all black, you know, they all won. But it was all lies. And I don't believe it for a second. I don't believe there were other people that didn't have better performances. And it's insulting to these actors and actresses. Although they wouldn't admit it, but I mean, they're happy and whatever. But it's patronizing. It's white liberalism.

It's fucking guilt. It's the same reason Obama got elected. Fucking white guilt. If I just pull the lever for him, I can say I'm not a racist for the rest of my life. I mean, come on, my aching stem. Listen to the philosophy behind the fucking show, if you don't believe me.

The winds come amidst a larger push for diversity and inclusion in television. How much fucking more diverse can it get? Every commercial opens with a black family acting white. I see nothing but Asians. How much more diverse can it fucking get?

You see a beer commercial during a football game. Like I said, you got an Indian sitting next to a Mexican guy on a donkey and a fucking American Indian with a full headddress there's an eskimo with one leg sitting next to an asian kid in a wheelchair and there's a a fucking dead baby seal next to him and i mean what the fuck i want to see one heineken commercial with his four white guys watching fucking football or four black guys and not their white dorky friend. You can do it. You can do it, Hollywood. We're not going to freak out.

Just fucking asinine. And if you don't believe me, this is all in books, folks. If you think these are crazy theories of mine and shit, it's actually in writing. You have to include so many minorities in a fucking...

It's all in writing. Look it up. Fucking tired of fucking babysitting. The four guest categories, which date back to 1989 have been awarded to actors of color before including in 2003 when charles s dutton won for without a trace without a trace of what white fucking jeans in them uh and alfred woodward won for the the. I thought it said The Patrice. I'm like, how'd they make a movie before the mother of my hand? As well as in 2014 when Uzo Adubo triumphed for Orange is the New Black.

Uzo Adubo. Along with Joe Morton for Scandal. Well, the Motion Picture Academy has struggled to recognize actors of color. The TV Academy has breaking records with each year. Yes, yes, apparently the TV people, the TV industry has much more white guilt than the movie people. You gotta be dog-styling me. You're talking like it's 1950-fucking-5. I'll say it again.

Minorities are over-represented in commercials. And keep it in mind, they make up about 13% of the population and about 98% of the Verizon ads and the Arby's and the voiceovers.

Again, let's keep this fake oppression in Hollywood. I'm not saying real oppression doesn't go on, but in Hollywood. Even Bill Maher said it like five years ago. He goes something about reparations. He goes, they're alive and well here in Hollywood. That was Bill Maher. I almost fell out of my seat. And not to take away from these actresses and actors that won but uh it's patronizing you should be insulted you probably stunk a couple of years not you i'm throwing it

the it's kind of a letterman move fellas i can't wait to see the oscars they'll actually no white people were in the audience. There were none on the balcony. None were allowed in. And nobody had a problem with it. All the presenters were black. All the winners were black. They'd nominate white people just to lose to the black people.

And they'd have seat fillers be like white people. I mean, Libs, you're filled with a cancer. Let it fucking go, man. Let it go. Let it go. Then I wouldn't have to come up with this theory. I've got to believe somebody else of a different color had a better performance. of a different color had a better performance.

I'm going to save these for Wednesday. Yeah? Yeah. Fast Food Worker Union demands a restaurant to allow, I'll do it now, to allow employees to wear abolish ice pins. Oh, God. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant.

The workers' union, the Burgerville workers' union, sounds like something out of The Simpsons, wrote a Facebook post Sunday calling Burgerville. I have a three-bedroom home in Burgerville. It is terrific. It is a fucking, I have a pool-bedroom home in Burgerville. It is terrific. It is a fucking... I have a pool filled with ketchup. It smells like fucking roasting steaks.

I don't know. The union, whatever, Burgerville Union, Facebook post Sunday calling Burgerville's decision to ban employees from wearing political buttons racist and urged the fast food chain to work with the union post Sunday calling Burgerville's decision to ban employees from wearing political buttons racist and urged the fast food chain to work with the union to allow

employees to sport politically charged buttons while working on their shifts. How is it racist? That's all you got. Doesn't matter what you're arguing about.

Doesn't fucking matter. Arguing about this is a hot dog. No, it's a sausage. Oh, you're racist. It doesn't fucking matter. That's all you got. And it doesn't fucking matter that's

all you got and it's why fucking guys that look like trump will be present for the next thousand years the fast food chain initially did not have a formal written policy place uh banning the buttons leading workers to wear pins with phrases such as no one is illegal except for the person that broke into the freezer last night and took 200 pounds of patties home and abolish ice supervisors at bergerville's portland location of course where else the people republic people's republic of fucking oregon uh portland's location noticed the trend and sent 10 workers home after they refused to remove the pins that violated company policy for being controversial. So the bosses say you can't wear those,

and what's the answer to these little snotty kids that you fucking raised, that your parents, who are so shitty, sent them home? Because, of course, they argue with their bosses. The union called Burgerville's policy white supremacist for only allowing political buttons expressing views about wages and working conditions, saying it singles out people who support Black Lives Matter and illegal immigration. Yes, because Black Lives Matter, first of all, that was founded on a myth, the hands up, don't shoot, and it's racist.

Five cops died because of it number one number two shut your fucking mouth and get me some french fries bitch oh it's racist and I I'm sure I'm sure this union would it I'm sure this union is some guy employee showed up with MAGA hats and Trump is fucking great t-shirts and pro-life t-shirts.

I'm sure they would have said, no, that's fine. That's fine. Right, Ryan? Right? Is that how you find it? Yeah. So listen to this.

The company then allowed the employees to return to work the next day gave them back pay which proves it they're racist and allowed them to wear their buttons after the union's statement okay and you blew it you blew it don't you know how

to say no adults of people who run businesses and shit don't you know how to say fuck off I, people who run businesses and shit? Don't you know how to say, fuck off, I'll find somebody else? Try it. Because problems existed back in the 60s and 70s, and employees got mouthy and shit. They were sent the fuck home. But they let them back in. Let them wear their pins.

Because they're entitled, I guess. But guess what? The customers didn't like it. Oh, we forgot to bring the customers into this. Who cares what they think? They only keep their fucking lights on and the stoves cooking. But the burger chain decided to go in a different direction

with its button policy after soliciting feedback from its customers. Burgerville's human resources director, Liz Graham, said the customers provided feedback saying they did not like seeing the pins and the company was looking for a better way to institute an official button-free policy.

Guests provided feedback. Oh, they're guests now. When you buy burgers, you're considered, what am I, sleeping over? The fuck? You're going to give me a back rub and I'm done with my milkshake? Guests provided feedback they didn't want to see personal and political messages while they ate. I feel that way too.

So please, Delta Airlines, can you shut the TVs off? I don't want to see Wolf Blitz's fucking face when I'm waiting to go to a super gig in Albany for 11 bucks. Additionally, some employees expressed that the content of the buttons was drawing unwanted attention that made them uncomfortable and that was employees yeah but nobody listened to that i like to see the faces of the employees who had a problem with all this the company then announced it would be instituting an official written policy banning the buttons to create an inclusive environment for its customers which you could have done

right after the incident happened but no you had to give in because it's all about dollars. I'm tired. I'm tired. Let's go to Andrew. Final call of the day before I jump off and talk about reasons for diversity. Emmy nominees. Andrew, welcome to the show. How are you? Oh, I'm doing great. Thanks for taking my call, man.

You got it, man. I was just going to mention, I wrote a web series recently, and I find myself adding characters that are minority just so I can make jokes. If all the characters are white, there's certain things they can't say. So I intentionally, I'm like, oh, man, I want to talk about this black thing. Oh, I know, but one of these is going to be a black guy, so then he can say all the black stuff.

The Hispanic guy can take the Hispanic jokes. I'll put a female in there so she can make those. Also, I wrote it with myself in mind to be in it because I'm mainly an actor, and I look 100% Caucasian, but I'm actually half Puerto Rican. So I intentionally made my character, they reference constantly how he's half Hispanic so that people won't come down on me as much. Right. They're like, oh, well, it's a Hispanic guy, not a white guy.

So that's, you know, what I feel like I have to do now. What I have to do now in this climate to be able to be funny. Yes. Well, you're a white Hispanic. What was the guy that killed Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman? What was his name? George Zimmerman or something?

Fucking... Remember they came up with... I believe Zimmerman, yeah. They came up with a new... Do you guys remember what his twinks? You remember the guy? His last name was Zimmerman. Was it Zimmerman? They came up with a new category. Something like fucking white Hispanic. They literally put it in the paper. But you make a great point, Andrew. The things

that you have to do, it just shows how we've bastardized the issue of race in this country. It is so fucked up. And Robin Quivers, you know, people always, I remember they told me that. That's why Howard had Robin there, so he could get away with a lot more. But, you know, in a true society of true equality where, you know, a colorblind society, which is the left, is always pining for, yet they're more obsessed with race than anybody. Yeah, you could have four white guys on the show saying anything they wanted. That makes it even funnier, in my opinion.

Yeah, well, I first realized it was something different when I applied for a partial scholarship back when I wanted to go to college. I had never come across any racial divides or anything, so I put Caucasian, and I didn't get it. And then my dad looks at the paper. He goes, why the hell did you check Caucasian? I said, well, I mean, you know, I'm half and half. He said, fill it back out and put Hispanic. I fill it back out, put Hispanic. I get the partial scholarship.

Yes. Yes, you are correct, sir. That was on the Sopranos. Hey, thank you for the call, Andrew. I appreciate it. That was a great call. They had that episode on Sopranos when Meadow was pissed because her friend got into some college she couldn't do and she's just complaining to her

friend, guy friend, and he said, see what her mother looks like or whatever. Yeah, she's half black. And you should put that on you. They hit the issue right on the head. But imagine you can't. And I've said this on stage. We won't have true racial equality until you can have five to two white guys sitting at the anchor desk in a white.

Seriously. Excuse me. You know, in a white weatherman and a white sports, it's not allowed. It's fucking, in commercials, it's,

you can't, here's the rule. It's the three rule. If there's more than three people, three white people, there has to be a minority in there. I'm telling you,

you can bank on it. I'm watching football yesterday. Again, I saw a commercial for Home Alarm or whatever. It wasn't even Home Alarm. It was for men's underwear. And there's two guys talking about comfortable underwear. And there's two white criminals looking through the window. It's fucking hilarious.

It's just funny, folks. I'm sorry. And there's people who aren't even aware of this shit yet. They go, hey, you know what? You're right. How the fuck did... I'm sorry, you know. And there's people who aren't even aware of this shit yet. They go, hey, you know what? You're right. How the fuck did... I'm bean counting, just like the Obama administration did when they went into Minneapolis high schools and said,

hey, more black kids are getting suspended than white kids. And just because of the numbers, that must mean racism. No, you have to go into it a little further. Why were they? But we don't look at the disparate impact, they call it. Just look at the bottom line, and that's all you look at. If the numbers are off,

we have to fix it. It's fucking childish. It's juvenile. It always has been. I want to see a Budweiser commercial with 11 black people and not a white person in it. Same with the coaches in the NFL.

If the 100 best coaches on the planet, football coaches, were all Chinese, then the whole fucking, every coach would be Chinese. That's called meritocracy, fellas. That is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. Fellas, enjoy the

cheerleader fight, and tomorrow, Patreon members, like I said, I'm going up to Boston. Hopefully I'll get some footage on a phone or something to the Sweeney killing Sweeney premiere. And when it comes out, look, the, I'm going up to Boston. Hopefully I'll get some footage on a phone or something to the Sweeney killing Sweeney premiere. And when it comes out, look, the Fairley brothers are going to be there. When it comes out, go see it.

I got to see the new Halloween too. I heard it was critics fucking raving over it. I was at the original Halloween, 1966. At the theater. No, but they said this is fucking as good as the original., 1966. I was at the theater. No, but they said this is fucking as good as the original. Jamie Lee Curtis is in it. She's in her late hundreds. She plays Bone Marrow.

That's her character. She's the plate of Bone Marrow. I'll see you, Parosis. All right, guys. That is it. Remember, you think it, I will say it. You're welcome. We'll see you on Wednesday. Субтитры создавал DimaTorzok Outro Music