The Nick DiPaolo Show - Florida A Vaca...Final Destination | Nick Di Paolo Show #1305

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

SNL Writers Boycott Chappelle. Joe Gaffes Again. Lefties Turning on Joe. FL Prepares For Influx of People. New Smash & Grab Defense. Snake Charmer.

Hey ladies and gentlemen, everything in between, I'll be inclusive. Come see me this weekend in Florida, I'll be picking up wreckage from the hurricane. Stealing copper and shit. No, Friday I'm in West Palm Beach. Saturday night I'm in Fort, he doesn't mention the clubs today? You get tired, Tommy? The Kennel Club in West Palm Beach. Saturday, Snappers. That's right. In Fort Myers on Sunday. Side Splitters in Tampa.

See you guys down there, hopefully. God bless. Take care. Bye-bye. Outro Music Mr. DePaulo, no one could be as nasty as you pretend to be unless they really wanted to be disliked. Now go home and get your fucking shine box. It's a rough way to start the show. How dare you, Bob?

You know, he's still alive. My wife's watching the reruns. You know when he was the hotel runner in Vermont? Anybody? You guys? No, you're both too young. After his real big hit show. It's still so fucking funny.

Anyways, how you doing, folks? Final day of the week, at least for us. Well, not really. I got my opener here, Josh Kincaid, who flew in this morning on a jetpack. This kid is something else. He built it in his fucking basement. And we'll be leaving tomorrow morning.

That's right, drive it. I'm not going to a fucking airport, even though I have the nicest one in the country. We're driving down to Florida. You know the dates. Be there on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, all over the place. So I hope to see you there.

What happened since I left yesterday? I don't know. Got to get this thing fixed. Hey, hoop. Yeah. Getting a flipper. Somebody, one of my fans, wrote in and said, it feels like you're sucking on a belt buckle.

A flipper also sounds a little, I don't know, not you, Nick. How do you mean? A flipper sounds like a gay guy you keep in your basement. My basement? You're the one who thought of it. Well, yes, I thought blowhole right away myself. Why is that fish always backing up when it spoke? Ever notice that?

Like it was lying to whoever it was talking to. Yeah, there's plenty of tuna left. Anyways, I know flippers, I don't get it. Does that mean you flip it in and out? What the fucking kind of name is that? Anyways, I know flippers, I don't get it. Does that mean you flip it in and out? What the fucking kind of name is that? Well, originally, we came up with it. We look at the structure of the dolphin mouth.

Listen, let's get right to it because I get nothing, obviously. Cocaina. I tell you no fucking kids. All right. Pussies at SNL. That's redundant. I don't know who this fucking, right. Pussies at SNL. That's redundant. I don't know who this fucking, we'll get to him in a second. Pussy at SNL upset, you know, whoever the LGBTQ plus freakish, they're upset because, you know, Chappelle, only a superstar in his own right.

And, you know, he's going to host. There's unrest at 30 Rock. Page six here. Ooh, big breaking news, page six. Over the decision to sign up, sign up, Dave, what is this, a softball league? To sign up Dave Chappelle for fucking modern dance classes. To host SNL this weekend. This is why New York, you're just polluted from inside and out. We're told that, can you imagine? This is SNL. This is the show

that became so big because it was anti-PC. PC wasn't even around in 76 or whenever it came on the air, but it was edgy. It was edgy. That's why people loved it, and it's turned into this. We're told that some staff writers are so furious that comedy superstar, who has made transphobic and homophobic jokes, has been chosen to helm the iconic show that they're going to sit out the, get this uh, they're gonna sit out the, uh, get this, they're gonna sit out the episode. Who gives a fuck what you think?

Faggots! Oh my God. What, what do you guys, uh, you understand there's about 10 of you on the planet, and I'm not talking actual trans people, I'm talking about people who care and have virtue signaling like you guys are. There's about 10 left. It gets magnified on social media so people think it's 100,000.

Nobody gives a fuck anymore. People are sick of it, even on your side of the aisle. Okay? So this makes it better. I hope Chappelle goes on there and just lays it on heavy. Does some shit that gets all of us arrested. What?

They're not going to do the show, an insider told Page Six. Insider. Some homeless guy that sleeps in a lobby at NBC. But none of the actors are boycotting. Oh, so the writers are upset. See how they did that? Excuse me. The writers are upset. They probably made a deal. Listen, we'll boycott the show. You guys do it.

But Chappelle's rep told us that there was nothing to suggest that there was a boycott when they attended writers meetings this week. I did that once. They called me in for a fucking reading. It was, you know who? King of Staten Island, I think. Pete Davis. Yeah. Say that, try that again. Yeah, Pete Davis. Yeah, but I,

was that, but didn't, what's his name, write it? Bill Burr? No. Jost? Oh, Colin Jost, yeah, yeah. Or am I thinking of another one? There's another one that was set in Staten Island.

I think it was based on Colin Jost. Yeah, Colin Jost is from Staten Island. Yeah, whatever. The point is I get to read with all these schmucks. And Lorne, I had Lorne laughing, my one fucking line. Actually, I was asleep when they came to me. Just like the fucking, I did the same thing that Sopranos reading. I was so

fascinated by who I was sitting there. They're like, yeah, your turn. Anyways, back to the show. That's my, that means, you know, I was sitting there. They're like, yeah, your turn. Anyways, back to the show. That means I was almost famous. SNL revealed last week Chappelle Showstar would host the show with musical guest Blackstar. Well, it's kind of like two Blackstars. I'm trying to do the guy from SNL. I can't even remember him. It's Saturday Night Live with two black guys. Guess Black Star, November 12th. It'll be Dave's third time hosting.

He last hosted, I'd have him do it twice a year. I like him so much. He last hosted the sketch comedy show in 2020, well before Netflix released his 2021 special, The Closer. It angered some viewers because many of Chappelle's jokes were aimed at the trans community. You know, I put in trans community in my ways and I couldn't find anything. It brought me to a transplant where they make fake hearts. There's no, I couldn't, or the black community.

Well, that did, that brought me everywhere in Brooklyn. But for example, this is what he did, Chappelle. He intentionally misgendered, this is during his show, I guess, his special. Is that what they do? He misgendered a trans friend and fellow comedian. He did it for laughs. Do you guys believe I'm reading this from SNL? You know what?

I like to grab who's ever bitching and do this. Ow! Ow! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Yeah! Stop it. Anyhow, the room was full of writers. They all pitched ideas,

and they seemed very excited about it. Dave is looking to have some fun, they told us. That was the rep for Dave talking. Oh, boy, is this great. After the announcement, SNL writer Celeste Yim, I hate the name already. There he is when he's not sucking cock, he's sucking noodles. That's not even noodles.

That's jizz dripping into a bowl after he fucking got the job by blowing. So this thing is a they or a that. What is it? It's a yes. I don't mean to be disrespectful, Mr. Yim, Mrs. Yim, fucking Ms. Yim, fucking Chimp Him, reportedly wrote on Instagram stories, this is what, I'm trans and non-binary. Hey, guess what? Those things don't even exist.

You're living in your own little reality, folks. I'm trans and non-binary. I use they, them pronouns. Do you? That's terrific. Here's how I refer to you. Hey, dinkweed. Transphobia is murder, okay?

I like to choke this fucking guy, stick those chops. First of all, that's kind of racist, right? That's a picture he took with chopsticks. He's Asian. I mean, if a white person did that, he'd be screaming appropriation, race. Is that all you think of when you see Asian people with chopsticks and

dripping jizz This guy's a combination of a young Ricky Ricardo and fucking Jack sue How did I like to grab him by his little fucking I kill you I kill you right now kill me I'm right here kill me. Okay, come with two chopsticks. I shut up your ass Shoo shops they come over here, talk to me in the face. Like a Zamboni. I told him, didn't I? Hey, they're bringing back old school racism. I'll join in.

Transphobia is murder and it should be condemned. Fucking give me a handjob and wipe it on your fucking Chinese hat. What the hell does that mean? You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! This is an angry episode. It is unclear if they are one of the writers boycotting this week's show or if they were actually referring to Chappelle. They did not get back to us when we reached out.

Nobody care. You can call yourself a vet. You can have all those little games you want but you can't force people to partake in them it's really you think about the arrogance to think you could do that huh we can just say whatever you want i'm fucking batman in that case and what the hell he just is a they what the hell is that i mean no i don't know i'd rather say hey fuck fate it's more specific you know i mean i'm i identified as shirley temple this morning when i got up because i dance with an old black guy is that why i got turned on what's that is that why i got turned on i don't know what to say to that let's's move on. Boy, this show is really going up in flames early.

Anyhow, let's move on. We haven't talked about the nutty professor in a few minutes, Joe Biden. Headline, G.I. Joe Gaff. Oh, it was a military gaff, I guess. What? This poor bastard. And yesterday they're going, are you going to run again? Watch me. He goes, watch me. Watch you what? Fall down the stairs, fucking crack your head on while you're riding your bike at the beach, sticking a fucking

mint chocolate chip snow cone up your... What are we watching exactly for? In an ugly Freudian slip Wednesday, somebody tell Biden what a Freudian slip is. President Biden accidentally said Russian troops were pulling out of Fallujah while intending to reference the city of Kherson in southeastern Ukraine. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that?

Dallas is a military guy. He did many tours in Afghanistan, Patriot as well. Where's Fallujah exactly, Dallas? Detroit? Yeah, pretty much. Detroit or San Francisco, pick one. It's west of Baghdad. It's west of Baghdad.

Okay, he knows that because him and I are looking at property there. Just go pick one. Where is it? It's west of Baghdad. It's west of Baghdad. Okay. He knows that because him and I are looking at property there. When I say property. It's really cheap. Yes. I was going to say, you can get an 11 bedroom with a full indoor, outdoor pool and 12 maids. You know what it is? $1,800.

It's just a fixer upper. Yeah. It's like fucking, you know what? It's like Long Island. Surely Long Island. Anyways, he meant Kursan, again, the city in Ukraine. And he says Fallujah, which was 2004. That was a long battle, but we lost 80-something guys and over 2,000 were wounded.

But nice try. Here he is pointing to the tumor we hope grows and gets bigger and is malignant. is pointing to the tumor we hope grows and gets bigger and is malignant. Biden's latest gaffe came after Russian forces leader Sergei Serovinkin announced he'd order his troops to retreat from one of the only major cities Russia captured after its February 24th. Boy, Putin must be in a good mood. He's got cancer, Parkinson's, and he's retreating from the only place he took. I wouldn't be too quick to pull, to go running back in there.

You know what I'm saying? I smell rat. I don't know about you, but again, Mr. President, not to lose you. Again, and this is 2022. You won, remember? What we've got here is failure to communicate. Boy, that guy milked that line in that movie.

In November and December of 2000. I got the video if you want it. I'm useless today. I can't wait to go home and cry. Yeah, let's take a look at the video. Look at the beautiful girl.

What would happen if, in fact, after these, I think the context is that whether or not they're pulling back from Fallujah. And I mean, from the, the Kyrgyzstan, the city of Kyrgyzstan. Kirsan, the city of Kirsan. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? Oh my God. Can you imagine they were making fun of Trump? December of 2004, Fallujah was the setting of the bloodiest urban conflict American forces had fought since Nam. And as widely as you remember, it was a key moment in the u.s invasion of iraq okay mr president

approximately 12 000 u.s troops fought in the battle 82 of whom were killed while about another 600 were wounded you might want to get that one right or you know what the people that handle you oh then he probably went off teleprompter that's when you know but, you know what, the people that handle you. Oh, then he probably went off teleprompter. That's when, you know. But I don't even think the people that handle him, you know, the AOCs and all the dumb cocksack, I don't think they would know what Fallujah is, but bit him in there, unibro. The U.S. killed about 2,000 insurgents in the battle, meaning Biden had nothing to do with it, and captured another 1,200 military officials estimated, the president did not say what caused him to misspeak.

Well, that's a real mystery. How about that he's 111 and he had shit for brains when he was 18? Do the math, you fuckstain. Wednesday, but also said he found it interesting that Russia decided to announce its withdrawal from the region after two days U.S. midterms. Yes, they're cowering that you're still days U.S. midterms. Yes, they're cowering that you're still in office. That's what it is. Is that what you're thinking,

you cheesy? Oh, God, are you ever. That's a little bit of a leap, Joe. They probably left going, you know what? Biden's in for another four years. We don't even have to do this anymore. We win. Look, he's trying to pick up Radio Free Europe in his head. The president said he believed Russian and Ukrainian leaders would lick their wounds after the withdrawal before deciding what they were going to do over the winter and decide whether or not they're going to compromise. Well, that's the best case scenario. And you know who said this? And I'm not the first one to say this. Noam Chomsky, who is the godfather of socialism in this country, and he actually said that Trump would be the guy

that could solve this. Because Trump said they should come together and negotiate more. solve this. Because Trump said they should come together and negotiate more. Noam Chomsky was backing Trump on that. Because he's a dealmaker. And that's what all this shit comes down to, doesn't it? Sit down at the table. I think you have an edge over Putin. He's dying. You know what I mean? Doesn't that give you a little bit of advantage when you negotiate? He's sitting there going like this. Parkinson's and fucking sit still, fucking. They've been trying to assassinate him. They're trying to pull a coup. They can't hit him.

Bullets are flying everywhere. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, please take a moment to share this show with someone, someone under 30 with big tits. That's really the best way for this show to grow and for me to be able to do what I do, steal money from kids. Thank you to all of you who continue to watch and support. Please share the show. It's the best way to get it out there.

Honest to God, I'm 60. My teeth are falling out from cocaine. I need money. Anyways, let's stay on Joe Biden until he can't breathe. Dallas, you sit on his face. Get the Mike Lindell guy. Yeah, get Mike Lindell in there. This cotton was made in Fallujah.

A progressive group opposed President Biden. I'll repeat that, a progressive group. That means, folks, a liberal, you know, like him, progressive, his own people. Political stripe, same as him. Opposed the President Biden running for re-election in 2024. Launched a campaign entitled, Don't Run, Joe. That's the best they could come up with. They should have had a little sense of humor.

Yeah, don't run for us. Something. Come up with something. Don't run, Joe. On Wednesday, targeting Democrats in New Hampshire, of all places. Problem? You're the fucking problem? You fucking Dr. Y onking jam rag

onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. They think Joe's the problem. Isn't New Hampshire red? Well, yeah, as of four minutes ago. It wasn't.

Yeah, they've had enough. You know, that was like one of the positive takes. I'm so sick of the, where I grew up, I guess it's always been a little liberal, but not like where it is. Massachusetts makes, I don't even want to,

luckily, I got my mother and my sisters back. They only have to go back once every eight years. But I'm just saying, yucky, yucky with the politics. But they hired an openly gay woman as the governor. That's great. Seriously, that would be great if she shared her, you know, tapes with her and her girl, but she looks like a third baseman

for the fucking Astros. I don't want to see that either. Anyway, Roots Action is the name of the organization that doesn't want Joe to run. A grassroots organization that supported Senator Bernie Sanders. Fucking billionaires and trillionaires. I wrote the goddamn bill. I actually like him.

He's so out of his fucking mind, but he actually believes what he believes, and he's authentic. He's a curmudgeon who hasn't taken a good shit in five years. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, 2016 and 2020 presidential campaigns. That's what they backed. They helped him. Rolled out its anti- So this is a real progressive

group saying enough with Biden already. Rolled out its anti-Biden digital ad campaign one day after the midterm elections in the hopes of, boy, they were sitting on that. They couldn't wait to get that fucker out there, in the hopes of rallying people against a second Biden. But I'm going to guess they want Bernie in there. Bernie's 114. He wouldn't be worse than this guy. he wouldn't be worse than this guy.

The Don't Run Joe campaign is using digital ads with messages that include, we cannot risk losing in 2024. We shouldn't gamble on Joe Biden's low approval rating. Gamble on his fucking heart lasting. Now is not the time for weak measures. Now's the time to slip an air bubble in his IV. Who put that in there? We need solid leadership. That's why I'm looking at Ernie Bach of Ernie Bach Chevrolet in Boston to keep Republicans out of the White House in 2024. Oh, God,

keep yapping your dinkweeds. Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? We need strong leadership to defeat Republicans in 2024. Hashtag don't run, Joe. Give Democrats a fighting chance to organize resistance to another Biden presidential run. You think anybody will ask him about that other than Peter Doocy? Excuse me, Mr. President, you know, there's a group, they fucking hate your guts, and they have the same politics as you.

What do you think of that? Watch me as he falls off the podium and splits his head. Ugh. You know what we did? I'll show you what he accomplished in his first two and a half years. This is why I was so disappointed

it wasn't a red tsunami. But this is the best thing he did. He needed the help of his wife, Jill, who's a doctor. This is why I was so disappointed it wasn't a red tsunami. But this is the best thing he did. He needed the help of his wife, Jill, who's a doctor. This is the best thing. This is what he accomplished in his first two and a half years. Jill! Fucking help me!

My fucking elbow! Ow! Where's the hole, Jill? Where it always is, Jill. Oh, fuck. Right between my... Look it, she's proud. He's happy. Like, she just gave birth.

He's got his dumb fucking... I'll never... That's my favorite clip ever. It really is. Look at the soldiers. I saw one of them reaching for his pistol. He's gonna... He looks like he's getting up from his table

at an early bird's dinner. Country kitchen buffet. Yes, you always see people like that heading towards the door. Yeah. The wife's trying to help him. His wife's still got a little more than him. Yeah, exactly. She's putting his coat on.

She's got use of her right arm. The fucking soldiers right there are twitching. They want to put one right in the back of his bum. Just put him on a bicycle again. Yeah, that worked. That's all. There's a million ways to get rid of them. I told you, the best way is to put an out-of-order sign on an elevated door to a hotel.

Despite a better-than-expected performance by Democrats on Election Day on Tuesday, exit polls showed that most voters, this has to kick him right in the nuts, were not enthusiastic about a second Biden term. All right, get up. Yeah.

Look at him. Two thirds of voters in an NBC News exit poll said they do not want to see Biden on the ballot in 2024. What are we doing? Bye bye. What's going on right now? You're going to be kicked out of office. Here's the thing I was thinking. The Republicans are hell-bent now that they have the House.

The minute they're going to have hearings going after Hunter and tying Joe in, which is almost a gift. I don't know how long those hearings are going to take. But that's like a gift to the Democrats. They're looking for a reason to get him out of the race. You know what I mean? Kind of. I don't know how long it'll take.

Anyways, let's move on to a winner in politics. Sunshine State, here we come. Continuing years of scorching population growth. Florida is bracing for a fresh batch of disgruntled citizens fed up with spiraling crime and high taxes to move in from Democratic strongholds. I'm not excited about that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Listen, you dinks. We know you're talking about mostly New York because you go there anyways, even when there's a, but maybe

this is different because it's so out of fucking, it's so bad now, you know, but don't bring your crummy fucking communist leanings to Florida. I would like to see DeSantis trying to pass a bill right now. They have to give you a political test. If you answer one thing to the left of Mussolini, they're gonna fucking send you back to... Not that he's Mussolini, although I think... I had a great joke for... Was it on here or did I do it for Gutfeld's monologue? It was Gutfeld's monologue about the guy that get pushed in front of the train or did I do it here and you know, on the tracks? But remember the train wasn't coming? Was that? Oh, God damn it. I think I might have given it a gun.

Yeah, and the guy thanked Mayor Adams for saving his life because since he's the mayor, the trains have never ran on time. He would have been a dead man. Brilliant joke that I talked into a TV in a dentist's office here in this building. Spire on crime and high tech to move from Democrat strongholds. Look, Texas, they experienced when Californians brought their horse shit. It really is. It's a cancer. It metastasizes.

So let's come up with a little bit. I don't give a shit. I would be Mussolini. Those trains would run on time, and I would bitch slap you if you didn't vote right, right, right. That's why I tell dick jokes at midnight for 11 bucks. Listen, figures obtained by the Post show that through August, a record of

41,885, that's just this year, New Yorkers already swapped their licenses for the Florida version. So I'll probably see most of them at the shows this weekend. Hopefully. A commonly used indicator, actually the ones that moved a long time ago.

They're like us. These new ones, I don't know. Indicator of demographic trends. That figure was $21,277 for California. Another $17,000 for Pennsylvania. You probably saw Fetterman's neck. He won! Honey, get the Samsonite.

And around a little less than 17 grand for Illinois heading to Florida. Sunshine State observers said after Tuesday saw Democrat leaders reelected or voted and coupled with Governor Ron DeSantis' landslide entrenchment, they expect the exodus to Florida will continue. New York City parent activist Jean Hahn said that her what's up group of several hundred moms and dads was ablaze Wednesday morning after Governor Hochul defeated challenger Lee Zeldin. Well, you know what? Is that the only thing that bothered? I want to know how you vote on all the other things other than crime too there Zelda let's show a video I have no fucking idea what it is

oh it's my boy we have maintained law and order we have protected the rights of parents we have respected our taxpayers and we reject woke ideology you know why people like him more than Trump?

Because every time you heard him say, we there, Trump would have said, I. Which doesn't bother me at all either. I just like people like that. Anyways, a lot of people saying that they're hopeless at this point, she said. They're already looking at listings, ways they can get out. This is like that movie. What is it? Get out of New York or can get out. This is like that movie. What is it? Get out of New York or fucking head to Vermont.

What was that movie? Escape from New York. Thank you. That's a big word for me. Escape from Rochester. Remember that movie? Escape from Schenectady. There's just a lot of frustration, this broad said.

Is that Hochul or is that Paula Poundstone? Yeah, that could be either. That could be either. Actually, I thought it was, yeah. Yeah, you're right. I thought it was Neil Young's brother, Kevin Young. Bye-bye. Another participant and an Upper East Side parent of two

said the city's becoming unlivable for family. Where you been? I felt that way when I lived there when it was good. I couldn't believe I'd see people pushing kids and strollers in New York City. And that Hochul's election set off frenzied searches on property website Zillow among her circle of friends. So these broads are ready to get out of New York. Unbelievable. She said the crime is too much.

We go there now. Let's go into the ladies' room at the Starbucks on 42nd Street. Oh, she sat on the seat. The crime, the mandates, the general insanity, she said. I think people are just looking at their lives and thinking there has to be a better place to raise it. Honest to God, all due respect, you just come and asking yourself that now? Even when New York said it, you don't raise a kid in New York. I know there's people who grow up here say, fuck you.

But I say, fuck you back. Kids should have a place to, you don't want to throw a baseball and the kid gets run over by the Q train. A little Johnny's coming home from school and then he ends up on a milk cart. And, you know, that only happened every other week in the 70s. Read your history, dinkweeds. All right. Hey, I want to see all your smiling faces live and in person. Here's where you can see me.

Friday, that's, goddammit, tomorrow night. I've been plugging this since January. November 11th at the Palm Beach Kennel. It's a beautiful joint, by the way, with my buddy Josh Kincaid opening. I brought my opener with me because you never know. Some of these gigs, they grab a local yokel. But Josh is, this kid is, when I say he's mediocre, no, he's very funny. And he's actually making it a little hard to follow lately.

I told him to back it down. Anyway, Saturday, the next night, the 12th, that's this Saturday, Snapper's Comedy Club, Fort Myers, Florida. Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club in Tampa. That's sold out, folks. That is sold the fuck out. Friday, January 13th and 14th, we're talking comedy off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. And then in February, the 3rd and 4th at the Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas.

I hope it's nicer than Lowell, Mass. Friday, March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City. That's KC Mizzou. Friday, April 21 and Saturday, April 22, the Funny Bone, St. Louis and St. Charles, Missouri. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Is this the last one? Two more? I better pick it up.

Smash and grab. That's what my wife calls foreplay. Holy shit, that one's going in, Dallas. It is a crime that does not seem to go away. Thieves are smashing through storefront, you know, the Irish and the Polish, all those white Europeans, through storefront

windows and taking what they want. Oh yeah, that's how it works when you steal. You don't go, that's too pricey. A St. Louis area startup business believes it has a way to fight back. The guy said this. Wake up, white people.

That's it. Next story. Scott Bader is the founder of Density USA. He also owns Spencer Commercial Cleaning. The cleaning business responded to Walgreens being wiped out by looters in 2020. He researched ways to combat. See, this is what America was always known for, at least on the Republicans. Ingenuity, coming up with answers to salute.

You know what I mean? That's why the people look up to it. Not anymore. He researched ways, this is racist to anybody, you know, to combat smash and grabs, which takes work from blacks. And found, and I, that's a joke, everybody. You know that, I know that. Look at me, I'm a half a fucking thing.

I'm a they, I'm one of them. You know what I'm saying. Grab and find, in Europe. They use this in Europe. The security fogging systems were used to blast fog into a room whenever intruders entered. I do this on Thanksgiving after seven pounds of turkey and my relatives show up that I don't like. It's not really foggy, but it has a certain... They usually go... Wait, did I skip the video?

What, am I allergic to videos? Let's take a look at how this thing works. We report on them night after night. Burglars breaking in and taking what they want. The owner of Spencer Commercial Cleaning responded to a vandalized Walgreens in 2020. And as I left there, I got to thinking that there's got to be a better way to... Scott Bader searched for a way to fight back. He found something interesting in Europe.

Take a look at this security image from a business in the UK. Burglars are surprised by a security machine discharging fog. Less than five seconds they're already out the building and all their inventory's been protected. Bader says fog sends burglars away who normally don't worry about setting off an alarm.

That's the best we can do. That's the best. I like the fog thing. Then follow it up by spraying bullets into the fog. I'm going to say, is that mustard gas or is that just fog? What the hell is that going to do? Well, you can't see.

You can't see what you're robbing. Just grab whatever then. No. No. These are smash and grabs. You know what I'm saying? Not all of it's out in the open. But seriously, it works because people are using it now.

But I'm just saying, I think putting a bullet in somebody's. But seriously, it works because people are using it now. But I'm just saying, I think putting a bullet in somebody's ass would keep, is much more of a deterrent. Now I'm working on something that gets rid of that fog for the criminals. I'm going to sell it to fucking, you know what I'm saying? To a lot of, to the Crips and Bloods. My vacuum. Yeah, there you go. My vacuum. Dallas just named it. My vacuum. If you act right now, I'll throw in a douche nozzle. The guy says they usually go right back out where they came in from, Beta said. I guess he's selling a lot of these.

Bye, dickhead. But again, it's too soft. How about cops? Seriously. Chasing them down and fucking... This way they run out, right? You're not going to call the cop, right? As long as they didn't steal anything.

Do you get my point? I'm not trying to be... Yes, I am. Let's move on. He said Fogg is more likely to send a determined burglar out the door rather than an alarm system requiring a police response. They don't respond to that.

Beta called the security fogging system a more active deterrent. Looks like my wife putting on deodorant. He recently launched the business and is the exclusive distributor of Density USA product. Beta said he has yet to find a business owner who he thinks that this idea is a bad one. Nobody's ever said that, he said. Most of the response is that this is a fantastic idea. Oh, boy, is this great? He says he's only sold four of them, and they're all family members that bought them.

But they love it. He said the fog is safe. That explains why there's no smashing grabs in London. Am I right, folks? Raise your fucking dirty hands. He said the whatever and will not harm the burglar. That's the part I hate. It doesn't harm the burglar.

Well, thank God for that so he can go on to rape and kill for the next 10 years. Matter of fact, there's riboflavin in it. Your average daily allowance. It won't hurt or damage the company's products. The system can also be controlled remotely through an app like everything else in this goddamn country. You can control each individual unit. So if you have one unit or a thousand units, you can manage a thousand units. What are you fucking...

What are you selling watches out of the fucking Astrodome? Can manage through our web. Let's take a look at... Oh, here's... We have an action. We got a fat guy trying to steal a fucking hot pocket. Check this out

i came up with that i'm so proud of myself look my, my teeth, they hurt. Anyways, that's it, right? God damn it. You're right. Five minutes left. And finally tonight, we like to end it. It's Thursday, right? We always end up with light shit. I'm going to show you a clip again confirming my beliefs about the nation of India.

This is called Snake Charmer. Get this, folks. I'm not making this shit up. You can Google it. You can... An eight-year-old Indian boy gave a snake a taste of its own medicine. Good night, everybody. No clip, nothing.

Just, I want you guys to figure it out. The youngster identified only as Deepak. Boy, that's like Johnny over here, isn't it? Deepak. Boy, that's like Johnny over here, isn't it? Deepak. Fucking. Look at him. You know who that is? That's an Indian Freddie Mercury at age 10.

I see a little silhouetto of a snake. Scaraboo, scaraboo. Will you do the vandanda? Thunderbolt and flighting every light? Galileo, Galileo, Galileo. You stupid foe. Shut up. All right.

Anyways, Deepak. What's Deepak? There's a famous Deepak. Chopra. Thank you. Deepak Chopra. Great guitarist. Anyways, look at the choppers on Freddie Mercury here.

No wonder why he bit the snake back jesus christ he's got the teeth of a fucking mountain lion identified only as deepak killed a cobra by biting the snake twice not once is this true do you not love this kid coming out of india i believe it i do too dude you dude. You're right. They eat monkey brains. You know, they put a monkey's head through a hole and they fucking open the skull and eat it. Delicious. Delicious. Sounds much nicer in Italian.

By biting the snake twice as it launched its own attack on the boy in the remote Oh, no wonder why it's in the Panprad village. In Jasper District. Oh, the Jasper District. A lot of raping. About 215 miles northeast of Detroit.

What? Who said? He bit the fucking, it's a cobra, too. It's not like a candy snake or whatever. Delicious. Delicious. Oh, it is not. Deepak had been playing in the backyard of his house Monday

when the venomous snake sprung upon him. The snake got wrapped around my hand and bit me. I was in great pain, Deepak said, until I sunk my John Elway teeth into its ass. Come on, guys, that's a good one. There's Nancy Pelosi, the fork-tongued whore. According to, can you imagine? He was in pain.

Those things hurt when they bite you. Listen to that fat lady from Calcutta. As the reptile didn't budge when I tried to shake it off, I bit it hard twice. It all happened in a flash, he says. I loved it. I would run all happened in a flash, he says. I loved it. I would run for the hills. Those cobras.

Deepak was rushed to a health center where he was given an anti-snake venom. Luckily, he didn't need it. This kid's got the teeth of a snake, the blood of a snake. The snake didn't release any poison as he latched down on the boy. Then you shouldn't have killed it, you asshole. A phenomenon known as dry bite. Now who's the dick? Exactly.

When a snake bites you and it doesn't release venom, it's known as a dry bite. Boy, I had a girl gave me a dry bite my senior prom that night. Jesus. Teeth like a queen cobra. And braces. Holy shit. Anyways, it's like putting your. And braces, holy shit. Anyways, it's like putting your cock in a paper shredder.

Who's with me? Deepak? La la la la la. Anyways. Dry bite. But, but you don't have opening? No. But why not?

That was his father trying to get him into a hospital. So crowded over there such snake bites are painful and may show only local symptoms around the area of the bite you know like in calcutta deadly snake encounters get this that are common in the country an estimated write this down hundred thousand people die of snake bites per year in ind, according to the Indian Council of Medical Research. The tally accounts for half of the world's snake bite fatalities. You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that? We actually have a...

Oh, yeah. This isn't... We couldn't find him biting the snake, but this is why I wouldn't go to India to fucking, I don't know, pick up a million dollars. Because it's in the middle of the fucking city. It's in the middle of the city, exactly. I mean, I would pray to see my wife do it. Watch this.

Here comes a kid with a mom. This is a, not what happened, this is a new one. But watch. Put on your shoes, first of all, Stinky. Oh, he's got Crocs on. Look at the snake. Look, are you fucking... Watch the mumps.

Yeah, he was going to bite it too. These little Indian kids are like, fuck you. You want some of me? You see that? But you don't have opening? No. But why not?

His mother just saved his ass. Anyway, before I go for the week, I want to thank our newest patrons at Patreon. Without your support, there would be no show. So if you listeners like what you are hearing, go to patreon.com forward slash the Nick DiPaolo show. We have levels for all budgets. Pedro Navarro and Jared Grimshide also want to welcome and thank John Jerkin Penis.

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That's it for the week, ladies and gentlemen. Again, we thank you for joining us Monday through, and please spread the word. You're not going to get this kind of honesty anywhere but here in NPR. Anyways, what else? Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative or say happy birthday to your cousin Diane,

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All right. Talk to you later. Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo