The Nick DiPaolo Show - For Christ's Sake NBC | Nick Di Paolo Show #1512

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about NBC Hates Christians, Trump trashes judge, EZ on the Mayo and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 Can I be happier? Yeah. Yeah. Who couldn't? Yeah. Who couldn't? On a Friday. On a Friday.

That's right. What is it? Oh, it's Thursday, which is a Friday. Our Friday, yes. We're Jewish. Boy, I'm on fire today. How are you, folks? Great to be with you on a Thursday. Great city of Savannah. And it is. Heading to a great restaurant tonight, apparently. Dallas has been there many times. It's been thrown out of there, apparently. Get some multi after a few old fashions. I'm not even going to say where it is,

because I don't want you guys crowding me at the table. But, you know, it's French, ain't it? French in Savannah. Nice. I know it's French because I saw Freit. Freit? Freit. Freedom Prize. Anyhow.

Anyhow. Have you had the bouillabaisse? That looks stunning. Anyways. What happened last night? Anything? What did I miss? What did I do? Nothing? I can't even remember. That's what's fucking sad. It really is. In that case, fuck it. I got nothing, folks. Look heavy today, but that's coffee filling my dehydrated face. Yeah, I'm very vain. I realize that.

Let's get right to maybe the worst network in the history of television. They bother me more than even, I don't know why, but ABC or CBS. I just feel like NBC's always had more gravitas than those other. Maybe not, but, you know. Oh, my God, I found a clip of Tom Brokaw being interviewed now. He put him at the top of the death pool. Oh. Oh, I couldn't do it anymore.

He still can't say his L's. This is Tom Brokaw. Good night, everybody. Oh, my God. I wasn't a big fan because he was at NBC, but God damn, it's getting creepy. I'm on deck, folks. In a sneeze, it's going to be 20.

I keep trying to explain that to my wife. No, 20 years is a long ways away. What the fuck? Wake up. Really? Do I look like I did 20 years ago? Like Santa Claus. Then again, then I watch the news.

I go, man, I'm glad I'm out of here. This party is getting really, a lot of fucking, a lot of unsavory characters showing up at this party and the keg's empty. Get the fuck out of here. Anyways, for Christ's sake, NBC, that's the headline. Sunday Night Football on NBC edited out Christian quarterback C.J. Football on NBC edited out Christian quarterback C.J. Stroud's faith proclamation in a video interview posted to X after his Houston Texans wildcard playoff victory over the weekend. We're going to show you first how the interview went on the live broadcast as Catherine Tappan asked Stroud. And can you broads come up with another question?

What does this moment mean? I just want, and I want one of you players to have a sense of humor and go, not that much. I've been doing this since I was six. I could give a fuck. Maybe some bonus money. What else do you want to talk about, whore? No.

Come up with something. What are you feeling at this moment? You might as well be in bed with a guy. What are you thinking? What are you thinking? Thinking I'd like to backhand you. What you thinking about? Uh, grilled cheese and wiping my dick off. Same thing you're thinking about, lady. Anyway, here's the first interview that went out on the air. I mean, yeah, no, it went out on the air this way, and then they

edited it on X, right? Yeah, here's the first one. Your first NFL season and a record-setting performance for you. What does this moment mean? Nothing. First and foremost, I just want to give all glory and praise to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I mean, it's been a... You notice Jeff Stilson

had a great joke. He goes, you notice they never thank Jesus Christ when they fumble? Jesus made me fumble. That's why we lost. That was a great joke. Go ahead. Amazing being in this city for as short as I've been, but the love that I've got. I really just enjoy it for Houston, man.

People back home. I'm blessed enough being in the position I am and blessed enough to be playing at a high level right now. And we got to just keep it going, but I'm doing it for Houston, man. People back home. I'm blessed enough to be in the position I am and blessed enough to be playing at a high level right now. And we got to just keep it going, but I'm super blessed. So many of your teammates contributed in this victory. All right, enough. Shut up. How do they feel? What do they smell like?

Do they cry when they get happy? Oh, shut it, will you? Penny for your thoughts. Nickel for your head. What? Now let's roll to the tape of the interview as it appeared on X, the, you know, format formerly known as Prince, from Sunday Night Football on NBC.

The clip runs with Tappan's preamble and then her key question, of course. What does this? Say it in Spanish. Change it up. Que hora es? What time is it? What? Anyways.

But does it continue like the live broadcast did with Stroud's faith proclamation? Nope. The NBC clip contains a clear edit. They always did this shit. Here's the second version. CJ, your first playoff game in your first NFL season and a record-setting

performance for you. What does this moment mean? I mean, it's been amazing being in this city for as short as I've been, but the love that I've got, I've really just been doing it for Houston, man. People back home, I'm blessed enough being in the position I am and blessed enough to be playing at a high level right

now. Notice any difference, folks? Ugh. I'm blessed enough to be in the position I am and blessed enough to be playing at a high level right now. All right. Notice any difference, folks? Ugh. Here are some of the comments underneath. Can you state category? You are fake news. Sir.

Here are some of the comments underneath the Sunday Night Football post on X People. You thought people wouldn't notice that you edited out Stroud's statement of faith and gratitude, but we have the receipts. Oh, Citizen Free Press, a great website. A lot of my stories. Another commenter sarcastically wondered, uh, what were the first words out of his mouth for the interview? Must've been a glitch. Another guy said they censored this man's words. they censored this man's words nbc sucks yes sir uh another one said you should have just not posted this clip at all to edit out a statement of faith in jesus christ just makes you look awful even bigoted which is right why do you people start throwing back i'm waiting for you know the first muslim quarterback i want to thank prophet Prophet Muhammad and a couple of his buddies. He just stands there and then yells at the mic,

Oh, I'm back! You hear the women do, That's a matter of time. But we caught NBC. Remember, on Political things have done this. Was Katie Couric on NBC? She was, wasn't she? Remember an interview they did?

She edited something on her show, caught a lot of shit. They're just fucking sneaky, lying motherfuckers. Think about it. This country's still predominantly Christian. And these motherfuckers have the nerve. You think they would ever cut out, like I said, a Muslim man. Are you shitting me? They changed the name of the network to the Muhammad Peacock Prophet.

I don't know what I'm saying. Hey, I got a burning in my penis right now. I don't know what that's about. I haven't touched it in weeks. right now. I don't know what that's about. I haven't touched it in weeks. Things all scarred up. I have to put makeup on that before I go to bed. I've said this to you before. It looks like it's got more scars on the barbioz left knee. It's horrible. Guys, it doesn't get bigger either.

It starts shrinking. I'm starting to inject some type of fat into it from my wife leaves bacon in the can, the grease. Delicious. Thank you. I don't know how Dallas knows it's delicious, but he do. Hey, second half of the show, I'll be talking about, well, what I'll do is update you on what the state of Maine is doing as far as trying to keep Trump off the ballot. They're kind of in limbo right now, waiting for another decision to come down. And why Asian parents, seeing tiny red, they're suing the New York State of Education.

And it ain't because they're not serving Kung Pao chicken in the cafeterias. I'll give you a little hint. We know they've been discriminated against. Again, anything of any excellence or merit-based gets kicked in the balls. It's a systematic takedown, and the best example is the Federal Aviation Administration hiring literally psychiatric nuts, people missing limbs, and telling you, telling you it makes them stronger. Fuck my sister right in her ear. She's got three that I mentioned. Exclusively, by the way, on Mug Club.

You can find what I just talked about, those two stories. Find them on Mug Club. So join now to I just talked about, those two stories. Find them on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Headline, Trump trashes jerk-off judge. These judges don't even try to hide their animus for Trump. They can't help themselves.

And again, nobody says this. I'm going to say it again. People never ask, why do they hate him so much? And they have reasons, but they never bring up the ones I say. White, rich, Christian, older, male. He is the devil incarnate. And not part of the system. Not part of the system. Just adds to it. You know what I mean? Absolutely. And the fact that he could be golfing for the last 20 years,

spending his money on whores stuff, you know, good stuff. Big taco balls and shit. Living life. But chose to become president. And what they don't understand is, I keep saying, telling my friends, do you understand attention to him, him being at the center of attention is oxygen to him,

like oxygen to a fire. It keeps him, he doesn't care in what context, if they're trying to crucify him, or if he's, you know, they're praising him. He doesn't care in what context, if they're trying to crucify him or if they're praising him. We had no idea, even the people that voted for him the first time, what kind of mental toughness and what kind of odd dude. I know. His personality, whatever. Whatever. I don't mind it.

He's a salesman. Right? And you've don't mind it. He's a salesman, right? And you got to take it, you know, have a sense of humor. And he goes, probably the best ever. Everything's the best ever. Even his steaks. They're delicious. A lot of people say that. Anyways, here's why we love him also. Donald Trump threw his hands in the air He had, here's why we love him also. Donald Trump threw his hands in the air and said he'd love it, that's a quote, if the judge at his New York 40 years ago. Now she looks like Tom Petty. Listen, what? All right, David Spade, transitioning. The Ask E. Jean advice columnist, I used to go to her all the time.

I'm having chlamydia for the 11th time in a row. Somebody told me to dip it, put it in my dick and spinach dip. What? She's an advice she was. dick and spinach dip. What? She's an advice she was. The Ask E. Jean's advice columnist lawyers twice complained that the former president was providing running commentary to his team with an earshot of the jurors, including calling Carol's testimony false and grousing that she now seems to have finally gotten her memory back. These are quotes from Trump, and he's saying it loud enough, and it's no accident because he knows what he's doing. Where did we get this picture?

This is fucking great. Now that looks more dictatorial. Is that the right one? Yeah. Fucking amateur. Anyway, oh, I hit the mic. Is there a cough button? Mr. Trump has the right to be present here.

That right can be forfeited if he is disruptive. And if he disregards court orders, Manhattan federal judge Lewis, I hate Donald Trump, and any probably, what do you call it when you're not Jewish? Whatever. Judge Lewis Kaplan warned after first cautioning Trump, 77, we know he's 77, we don't care, to keep his voice down when talking to his attorneys. Mr. Trump, I hope I don't have to consider

excluding you from the trial. I understand you are very eager for me to do that because Trump said that in the papers, Kaplan said. Trump replied, get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. I would love it, Trump taunted. That's what he said right back to the judge. I would love it. And I said to Dallas, right now, if black people watch and they go, there's my vote.

This motherfucker hates the system more than we do. I would love it, Trump taunted, cutting the judge off as he theatrically thrusts his hands in the air. I know you would, the judge shot back. You just can't control yourself in this circumstance, apparently. You can't either, Trump responded. You want to be a member? I know what you get. You're a damn better person. Apparently, you can't either, Trump responded. I know what you did. You're a damn pedophile.

All right, just get the hell out of here. I got a goddamn campaign. And it's true. The judge can't eat. And that's a good point because the judge is, you know, getting emotional. And he shouldn't be. He's a good point because the judge is, you know, getting emotional. And he shouldn't be. He's a judge. Anyways, Carol, who was seeking $10 million in damages from Trump, was the first witness to take the stand in her case against the real estate tycoon, coming face to face with him for the first time while testifying in court.

Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. In court. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. She's the one who said, Berghoff, Bergdorf, whatever, wherever you go, Goodman. You know, where your wife gets $3,000 shoes and fucking. Huh? And what? What?

Goldman Sachs. Name a Jewish company organization. Yeah. Bergdorf Goodman. Bergdorf. Bergowitz and Goodseed. You know that. Just go to them anyways.

Remember, she's the one who said that he sexually assaulted her in a fitting room. Get the fuck out of here. You never do it in the fitting room. You park a lot. You wait way in the back. I watch the fitting room. You park a lot. You wait way in the back. I watch the ID network. You park. First of all, you follow the sales girl that you like for a couple days. See where she parks.

Anyways, why are you saying that? Well, there's a store called Chess King in the 80s. I had a problem with it. It's a joke, folks. Relax. People my age are laughing at Chess King. Some of the most gaudy Italian shitty colloquial. Anyways, yeah, so that's interesting.

Like he doesn't have enough on his plate. You know? At the fraud trial of all this fucking horseshit, and the left and the media still has the nerve to look into the camera and goes, he's a threat to democracy. How fuck, I know we keep pointing it out, but I'm going to keep pointing it out. How fucking dare you? You said he was a Russian agent.

That went on for three years. You were wrong. You know, just little things you're wrong about. Un-fucking-real. And you people, uh, what are you afraid of exactly? I still, to this day, I don't understand. There was peace. He actually

brought peace to the Middle East. You could actually make that argument with the fucking Jew Accords. See, the Hamas fans like the show, too, when I talk like that. So I got to split it down the middle. Anyways, let's get off that and get on to, again, there's a tingling down there. I have no idea what that is. Easy on the Mayo.

What the hell does that mean? Oh, we're going to sports. It's a new era. Not E-R-R-O-R. In Boston, we say that. It's an era. He made a fucking era. Which one?

The medieval. It's a new era in New England where Gerard Mayo, who, by the way, I still remember. This is how I know I'm old. I watched him for four or five years at University of Tennessee playing linebacker, and he was something else, and he was awesome with the Patriots, but that's not the point. Gerard, and I've been saying this, by the way. My two buddies texted me when they were looking the day before they were going to announce who they picked, and they thought it was either Mike Vrabel or this guy, and I said, guys, the NFL is as woke as it gets.

You don't see every defensive coordinator and offensive coordinator. Almost everyone now is black. And the camera goes on them 40 times a game. They're fucking announcing it to you. So I said it'll be Gerard Mayo. And bingo, bango. A new era. Again, Gerard Mayo was officially introduced as the head coach of the Patriots.

It was done while owner Robert Kraft sat next to him. Well, no shit. He sat on his lap, sat next to him at a press conference. The duo appeared excited to begin this new chapter of losing, I mean, of the franchise. And Mayo's history with the organization certainly made things easier for Kraft upon the departure of Bill Belichick. I would have fucking hired Belichick's son. Guys already, kids already pretty good defensive.

He knows his shat. Anyways, Billy, go bye-bye. Bye-bye. And he's talking to the Falcons right now. That's the big wife, the Falcons. Talk about a losing. Good luck with that chat. Remember, Bill, you're

72. What the fuck are you going to do, draft somebody? You'll be dead before the guy comes into his own. I wonder what the intrigue is with the Falcons that he likes. East Coast, maybe? Somebody pointed out in the paper, well, it's a shitty division. Wouldn't be hard, which is true.

Yeah, that's true. Also, Arthur Blank has stupid money. Wasn't it funny? And the head coach is Arthur Smith. I'm surprised he's even looking at Belichick. It's not an art Belichick. The owner slash head coach relationship is definitely a crucial

part of any pairing. Said Wendy Blumenstein on espn no any pairing in one moment proved how much these two like each other uh which we'll show this in a second i like actually like when craft mispronounced mayo's brother's name the uh ladder chimed in with a little bit of help let's uh let's take a look at this press conference. Sherman. Sherman. I'll get it right. I'll get it right. Get it right. Well, we'll have to.

No, that's all right. It's one of those black names. I'll help you with that. Now I like him a lot. Stacy told me he was an expert. Exactly. Exactly. He goes right by the book here. Sherman. Wake up, white people. I like him already just for that reason.

But I said to Dallas, this is why he's not going to be a good head coach. Not that he's black. Again, Tomlin overrated. If you look at black coaches' history, their record, it's horrible. That's why they don't run countries. But listen, no. I'm just saying, I like Mayo, but come on. It's a fucking... I love the fact that that relationship, I like that.

But I can tell this guy's got a great sense of humor. And my crazy theory is you have to have a Belichick-type crumudgeon. Like Saban? Like Nick Saban, miserable prick, Belichick, miserable prick, my wife, miserable. She was actually the Jets defensive coordinator a couple years ago. Anyway, so yeah, you can tell they like each other. And I like that he's so loose that's what you like about Black people and I know you go well they can joke about

like well that's nothing that was nothing incendiary that was funny that was just you know um but Kraft should have said and I'll help you with white names like Becky Sue and that would have been funnier and then the media would have went you motherfucker anyways

so uh I don't know. Hey, I went a little over, but those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com. Join to get my full show every day on Monday through Thursday. Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. Please do it. And while you're at nickdip.com, you can click on the tour button and see that one date sitting up there. And I'm fine with that. Gonna put that up there?

There you go. May 11th, Count Basie Theater. Again, a big venue for me. Please, please, if you want to come out and see what all the rubble's about. Rubble? What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know.

Ruckus. May 11th, Count Basie, theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. Jersey always comes out to see me. I moved down from Boston to New York, and that was my first place that I was starting to, they'd come out, you know, to the Holiday Inn, pack it in, and fucking. Anyways, Jersey's always been good to me. We have the same sensibilities. I like Jersey people. They're wise guys, the guys, and the girls are tough.

Cute and tough and they get a bad rap except for the smell. It's right on the money. guitar solo Outro Music