The Nick DiPaolo Show - Fredo Sleeps With Fishes | Nick Di Paolo Show #633

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

Chris Cuomo gone. Trump trashes Fredo. Dr. Oz to run for PA senate. Chicago breaks homicide records. 11 year old carjacker.

Thanks for watching. Whether on social media or in our schools, on television or from the White House, now more than ever our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, are being suppressed. And that's putting it mildly. That's why I do this show. And that's why I put it out for free. For those of you who are able, please consider contributing to the show in any amount so we can keep it free and maintain a forum where right-leaning,

honest, unfiltered comedy exists. Just click on the contribute button on your screen or go to nickdip.com and click on the contribute button at the top. Thank you guys so much. Let's keep this freedom fight going. guitar solo Oh yeah, oh yeah. Good day everybody. Welcome to the big show from the great state of Georgia. How you is?

How you was? How you gonna be? I don't know. What is it? Wednesday? I thought it was Tuesday all morning. That's how you know when you're getting old. Still without heat in my house. You believe it? You think, well, you're in Georgia. Big deal. Yeah, well, it happened exactly like eight days ago on the coldest day of the year. And, you know, luckily we have these fireplaces, gas fireplaces, that heat up most of the house, but not upstairs. And I'm peeing into a plastic bucket upstairs. I really am a Georgian.

Because the bathroom upstairs, as you know, busted a long time ago, but we were right in the middle of the kitchen thing. So, you know, I only have so much coke money. So it's either walk down the stairs, and I get hips and knees of a 90-year-old woman, or piss in a wastebasket, which the wife's not thrilled about. I like it. After about four days, it starts to really... Smells like the men's room at Shea Stadium in 1968. I like that shit.

I'm gay. Why do I look like I have a tan? Is it just the TV or is it me? Is it? I don't look... Is it just the TV or is it me? Is it? I don't look... I like it. It looks like I have color. But you know, Italians turn lime green in the wintertime. Well, you know, you don't... you got your girl... I almost said your daughter. There's a southern slip, if I ever... All right, let's get on with that. I don't know what I'm talking about. I like how the sound of that thing comes up before it actually stamps. Biden, and the N-word tonight. Biden haters greet president in Minnesota with FJB and you suck signs. Finally, some life in the country. Hey, Joe, where you going with that dick in your hand?

Hey, Joe, where you going with that dick in your hand? Hey, Joe. Anyways, he's hated across the land, folks. Our fake president was once again greeted like a leper at a public pool, this time in Minnesota. He was a recipient of more middle fingers than a $5 crack whore dating his son Hunter. I'm not sure why though. Remember, this is the state that votes for people like Al Franken, Amy Klobuchar, Whitey hater Keith Ellison, and that little ungrateful terrorist pig Jew hater Ilhan Omar. None the same, it was great to see hundreds of people who didn't pull the lever for those slugs wave hello to mr magoo with the same finger he gives them every day with his vaccine mandates high gas prices and anti-white you're all domestic terrorist bullshit i can just hear

jill now sitting next to him in his bulletproof limo explaining to him who Brandon is. Honey, he's just a famous race car driver who looks a lot like you. They mean it as a compliment, sweetie. He's very handsome like you. And then she's like, hey, Mr. Limo Driver, can you crack the sunroof one more time? The president just shit himself again. And while you're at it, could you pass me that empty insure bottle on the seat next to you? He's starting to piss all over himself. What's that, honey? No, no, no, honey.

They're not booing you, the people. Those are cows mooing. Remember, sweetie, we're in Minnesota. This isn't the first time Biden got this type of greeting either. He got it in Connecticut, New Jersey, Massachusetts, all states he won, wink wink. His approval ratings right now are lower than his 78-year-old ball sack when he sits on the toilet. That's when he makes it to the toilet, I should say. More evidence to me, the only thing he won last November was the right to be hated and ridiculed for doing absolutely nothing in D.C. for almost 50 years. He's everything his pals in the media falsely claimed his predecessor Trump was. Arrogant, stupid, unfit both physically and mentally. And don't forget a racist asshole.

He didn't even have the decency to visit next door to Minnesota, Waukesha, Wisconsin, to ease their pain. You know what? Fuck him and the stolen election he wrote in on. And that's the N-word. Mmm. Delicious. Anyways, yeah, unbelievable. Just, I love it.

I love it. I love it. And he's not being ridiculed. He'll never be ridiculed. You know, it's funny. My wife said, who's more hated than him, you know? And then she said, well, Trump. And I said, no, no, no, no, no. People love Trump.

The media hated him. I said, the country really hates this guy. Can you imagine if the media was one ounce conservative as much as it is liberal? He'd already be gone. Can you imagine treating him fairly in the media at how bad he is? He has cemented his place already in history as the world's worst. He's everything that's wrong with the world. Career politician. Yuck. Fooling everybody. What the fuck, Nick? Oh. Is Marie the maid here? We have her coming. Look at that. Oh my god, my wife's gonna shit. That's how I do the dishes

hey Joe where you going with that cigarette in your hand anyways yes I just wanted to let you know I'm waiting for the big balloon when Biden does a rally with him in diapers only adult diapers not like Trump's baby diaper you know actual

depends big shit stain in the back. Let's have fun with him. He's going to be dead soon. Guy's so old you could assassinate him with an air horn. Head! Anyways, what do we got for the first story? CNN, excuse me, this is the big story. I, you know, whatever.

I'm obliged to talk about it, but I could give two fucks. CNN announced yesterday it's suspending its star anchor, Chris Cuomo, as the network evaluates his conduct following stunning revelations, oh yes, stunning revelations, from the New York Attorney General's investigation into his brother, ousted Democrat Governor Andrew Cuomo. So Chris is in trouble for helping him. Bye-bye, dickhead.

The New York Attorney General's office, run by that hateful woman, Letitia James, She released transcripts and exhibits Monday that shed new light on Chris Cuomo's involvement in his brother's defense. CNN began its statement Tuesday evening. The documents, which we were not privy to before the public release, raise serious questions. When Chris admitted to us he had offered advice to his brother's staff. He broke our rules. Like, you have any rules? Really? You're lying about fucking, just name it. You lied up for two years about Russian collusion. I mean, you've done damage to the country, and this is where they go, ooh, because they get caught, whatever. country and this is where they go, ooh, because they get caught, whatever.

Anyways, he lied to us about his brother. He broke our rules and we acknowledged that publicly. But we also appreciated the unique position he was in and understood his need to put family first and job second. Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again. That was Jeff Zucker. However, CNN continued, these documents point to a greater level of involvement in his brother's efforts than we previously knew.

As a result, we have suspended Chris indefinitely. Why can't you just say he resigned? When I hear suspended indefinitely, it's not enough finality to it for me. Pending further evaluation. Yeah, you know what that evaluation is? How whoever fills in his slot does.

Fatso, fag, Brian Stelter, or whoever else is fighting for. Calls for the Cuomo primetime host to be fired intensified Monday after newly released documents showed he was far more involved in aiding his embattled brother that he previously disclosed to viewers. He actually held the lady by the ankles upside down. Transcripts from his interview with the investigators show the CNN star admitting he would reach out to media sources to find out about new accusers who have yet to come forward publicly.

So, you know, that's a... I even know you can't. I mean, I tried that once. I was working for the school newspaper and I... Anyways. When asked, I would... This is Chris now. When asked, I would reach out to sources other than journalists to see if they had heard of anybody else coming out, Cuomo told investigators.

Cuomo's admission contradicts what he told CNN viewers in August when he claimed, I never made calls to the press about my brother's situation. Three days after the New York Times broke the story about Anna Ruch, who allegedly the governor sexually harassed her in 2019 at a wedding reception. That's public knowledge. That's the one where he's got the hands that affect. The CNN anchor texted

Melissa DeRosa, I have a lead. This is what Chris texted. I have a lead on the wedding girl. The wedding girl. I mean, you're Italian. You're supposed to know code. Like when the mafia talks,

you know what I mean? They gotta go, they say stuff like, did you pick up those melons yet? That type of stuff. How many boxes of ziti did we sell? In another exchange, DeRosa texted to Cuomo,

rumor going around from Politico, one to two more people coming forward tomorrow, then asking him, can't you check your sources? Cuomo replied on it later, writing back, no one has heard that yet. He's in deep. He's in deep. The CNN anchor snooped into the progress of Ronan Farrow's reporting about his brother and relayed it to the governor's inner circle. Oh, that did him in. Bye-bye. And if you don't think that's Frank Sinatra's kid, you're high.

Good-looking kid, too. Who is it? Who is it? Mia Farrow's? Yeah. You know, luckily you got Frank's gene. Good looking kid, too. Who is it? Mia Farrow? Luckily, you got Frank's jeans. Imagine if he opened his mouth and... The summer wind gonna blow it in. Anyhow, Chris Cuomo, you go bye-bye now. You go bye. You go now. So he blowing it. Anyhow, Chris Cuomo, you go bye-bye now. You go bye.

You go no. So he denied it. And look, I think a lot of people like me have the same take. You do what you do to protect family, especially us Guineas. You know how it is. You know? Blood is thicker than marinara, something like that. Bolognese.

I can't remember the exact. I think it was pesto, thicker than pesto, which is a pretty thick sauce. And you do what you do. Bolognese. I can't remember the exact. There goes the pesto. Which is a pretty thick sauce. You do what you do. You protect your brother. I'd protect mine and shit, but then, you know. When you're in the media, CNN, public face, they're going to go through all your shit, man. They're going to go through all your shit. So, a bit

of a meathead, but whatever. I guarantee he'll be back. Let this blow over. And here's another theory out there. I have such good instincts for this because I was thinking of it, and then I see it on TV, which means I should be on TV. Oh, I am on TV, kind of. What was I going to say before I was blowing my own horn?

Oh, God. Your intuition on things you know i know that i get that much of it oh that this this is sort of a a story to distract us from the hateful black guy that ran over a bunch of white people in wisconsin huh we're already done talking about that. I want you, here's a, I'm such a genius. We're still, the left is still talking about Charlottesville. They still bring that up. When it was false, the statement Trump made, and that was only one girl that got killed. And they still talk about it.

They're not even mentioning these people mowed down by that black racist whitey hater. So we're already on to Chris Cuomo. Don't believe any of it, folks. I'll tell you who was excited when he heard about Chris Cuomo. Oh, my God, I knew it. It's a greasy kitty, am I right? Trump, Trump, Donald Trump trashes Fredo. Trump issued a statement almost, God, do I miss him,

almost immediately after the news broke that Cuomo had been pulled from the air. Here is a statement. Great news for television viewers. They have just suspended Chris Cuomo indefinitely. The big question is, was it because of his horrendous ratings, which, no, because he had the best ratings for them. CNN, by the way, the TV channel is not about, it's about clicks on their website. They make more money than any website spreading their horseshit. Unfortunately, there's enough dummies in this country called

Democrats who click on that shit. The TV show, the channel, it's really just a reminder that they have a website that makes money. Anyways, was it about his horrendous ratings, which in all fairness have permeated CNN and MSDNC? Hey, turn around. That's a good one. Or was it because his brother is no longer governor? Probably both. In any event, he says Fredo is gone.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. My favorite story about Trump, it's always for the very reason the left hates him, when he was running some beauty pads in Atlantic City and he waits till the girls start changing and he comes wandering through. That's a president. What's the point of being the most powerful guy in the free world on the planet

when you can't look at some tittage and some bushage and go, let me help you with that French thong. It's going up your ass. Let me fix it for you. Hey, are these real? Miss Santiago. Trump's reference to Fredo is a nod to a viral video, Cuomo confronting a heckler who called him Fredo a couple years ago. This is classic.

It's kind of a long clip, but very enjoyable. ago. This is classic. It's kind of a long clip, but very enjoyable. And I was never this much of a meathead, but you know, you get a few drinks when I was in my twenties, a bit of a jerk off. I know it's hard to believe, but so, but what I hate about this, he talks like he's black, you know, bitch, yeah, bitch ass punk, but, but, but Come on. You're a fucking gindaloon. Come up with some... Anyways, here's him confronting a kid at the gym or they're at the circus. I don't know. The kid called him Fredo. Here's what happened a couple years ago. I thought that's who you were. No, punk ass bitches from the right call me Fredo. My name is Chris Cuomo. I'm an anchor on CNN.

Fredo was from the Godfather. He was our weak brother. Isn't that your brother, though? And they use it as an Italian aspersion. You know who you Italian? You Italian? Yeah. It's a fucking insult to your people.

It's an insult to your fucking people. It's like the N-word for us. So is that a good fucking thing? Can I just say he really hides his greasy guineanness when he's on the air pretty good? He sounds like every steroid junkie that worked out in my gym when I was living in Malden, Mass. Fucking look at me. I was on a peck deck first, cocksucker. Okay, go ahead.

You're a much more reasonable guy in person than you seem to be on television. Yeah, but if you want to play, then we'll fucking play. You got something you want to say about what I'm doing on television? He just said! Hey, man, hey, listen. What? You're going to have a big fucking problem. What's the problem?

It's a little different on TV. Pause. Yeah, it takes a lot of balls to get mouthy when your brother's the governor. You know what I mean? Anyways, go ahead. I didn't insult you. You called me fader. It's like I call you punk bitch. You like that? You want that to be your nickname? I didn't call you that. You know what I mean. Hey, they know what you said. You're gonna have a fucking problem. What are you gonna do about it? I'll fucking ruin you. I'll fucking throw you

down these stairs like a fucking punk. So you can fucking sue? So you can fucking sue? I like how the kid said that. Why don't you do it then? Good for you, Spider. Don't take no shit off nobody. I said, then why don't you do it then? Good for you, Spider. Don't take no shit off nobody. Oh, you're going to let him get away with that? The fuck's the world coming to in Planet Fitness?

Go ahead. That's it? Oh. I was loving it. It was so Italian. As they say down here in Georgia, you Italian? Yes, I is. I said, are you the Grand Cyclops? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Just a couple, folks. I got it under control. This room's going to stink now. Anyways, that was Chrissy. And... Freighters from the Garden? It's like the N-word for us. Not really. I'm smart!

I'm like everybody says! Like, don't! I'm smart! And I want the sticks! I didn't know it was gonna be a hit, Mike. I didn't know. There's something in it for me! You're my kid brother. Ah! I'm your kid brother. I forget it. You're my kid brother. You ever think of that? Anyways, I never get sick of that.

That's Cassell, John Casselly, and he died. Every movie he was in, I think, was Oscar nominated or won Oscars. He's only made a few. I think Dog Day Afternoon he was in. He died right after Deer Hunter. I think he was dying while they shot Deer Hunter. Great actor. I believe from Boston, actually.

Here's Chris Cuomo hiding his guineas. Anyhow, ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't already, please take a moment and sign up at thecomicsgym.com to get my exclusive encore show. Today, he puts, I don't know why. To get access, just click on any of the encore episodes. Sign up at the Sonny, Michael, or Vito levels. Now, here's where I questioned Tommy, who's one of the best marketers. I had a Fredo level in there.

And the reason I did that was because nobody wanted to be Fredo. That was the low level. And they jumped to the, see, that's what I had. He takes it away. Anyways, you'll also get discounts off Nick DiPaolo's show Merchandise. And starting this Thursday, you'll get access to a voicemail line where you can leave a question or a thought that I'll play and address on the show for you. Again, you can only get this as a member of thecomicsgym.com.

So if you haven't already signed up there, please do so now. This is without a doubt the best way you can support this show. So please do it. TheComicsGym.com. Right here. You have applause written up there. Oh, that's my stupid title. Applause?

Applause for Oz. Oh, my God. Anyways, Dr. Oz. You know who he is? Meh-hem-it? Meh-hem-it? Hem-et? How do you say it?

Meh-hem-it. Oz. Meh-hem-it. Meh-hem-it. David. Mehmet. Mehmet. David Mehmet. Bless you. A cardiothoracic surgeon. I was studying that at Yale.

Bored the shit out of me. Organic biology. So fucking easy. I fell asleep during the test. And so did the agent next to me, which resulted in a G. Cardiothoracic surgeon and television personality. Guess what? He's got a big announcement. He's running for the United States Senate in Pennsylvania as a Republican,

according to an op-ed published Tuesday in the conservative Washington Examiner. This is him talking, Dr. Ra. During the pandemic, I learned that when you mix politics and medicine, you get politics instead of solutions. That's why I am running for the United States Senate, to help fix the problems and to help us heal. Now, you have me until you use the word heal. That tells me everything about you. You're a fake. Oh, that was a juicy one. Hey, the 61-year-old Oz will join a Republican

primary field that already includes Philadelphia area businessman and 2018 lieutenant governor nominee, Jeff Bartos. I wouldn't trust him because all the shit that went down in pennsylvania during the election and he was lieutenant governor fuck you you're out who's the blonde bride she's in and carla sands i like to play in her sandbox. Who's with me? Boy, that's some wild pussy. Who served as U.S. ambassador to Denmark in the Trump administration. That's important. Pennsylvania needs a conservative who will put America first, Oz said in a 60-second video on his campaign website. America first, Oz said in a 60-second video on his campaign website. Oz, by the way, to fill you in, he's an Ohio native who attended medical school at the University of Pennsylvania, where I returned punts for a very gay football team.

Do you know how hard Hugh Penn is? Seriously, that's like the best, better than fucking Harvard, honestly. You know who went there? Noam, the guy who owns a comedy cellar. Went there for law honestly you know who went there gnome the guy who owns a comedy cellar went there for law you know just to make it look like he was trying now he has a comedy empire that stretches the he once said to me during the covid when it first hit and they had to shut down he goes uh i said boy you must be getting whacked financially. He goes, if I told you how much money I lost this month, you wouldn't talk to me. I have an idea. Anyways, he went to UPenn.

He rose to fame as a frequent guest of one of the people, in my opinion, that did more damage to this country as far as political correctness to promote it. The fat Oprah Winfrey eventually launching his own syndicated daytime TV talk show in 2009. Oz's interest in the Senate race was first reported earlier this year in the Washington Free Beacon and Politico. Oz said in a 2007 interview that he would consider running for office someday, calling himself a moderate Republican. Just what we need. We don't need moderate Republicans. I want somebody to the right of fucking Pep Buchanan.

That's all I could come up with. He also has connections to Trump. In 2018, Trump appointed Oz to the Presidential Council on Sports, Fitness, and Nutrition, reappointing him to the position in 2020. Here is the commercial of Dr. I'm not excited about this at all, especially after I saw the commercial. Oh, he's going with the no-neck-tie Andrew Yang look. How'd that work out for him?

Go ahead. Play Cho-choo train. But COVID has shown us that our system is broken. We lost too many lives, too many jobs and too many opportunities because Washington got it wrong. Pause. See, he's already it's already a turnoff. If he came out and said, you guys, you know, you're being played by COVID. The Democrats use it as a pretext to steal the election, and they're trying to do it again with this new variant. This will be around to the midterms in a year from now. And you see, if he came out and said that, I go, okay, you're in. But he's acting, he just said as a doctor, we lost too many people to COVID. No, not really. Bunch of old, unhealthy, morbidly obese people. What you should be saying is the frigging booster shots and all the other shots, vaccines, that's what you should be saying. You shouldn't trust. So you lost me, but go ahead, Oz.

Take away our freedom without making us safer and try to kill our spirit and our dignity. As a heart surgeon, I know how precious life is. Pennsylvania needs a conservative who will put America first, one who can reignite our divine spark, bravely fight for freedom, and tell it like it is.

That's why I'm running for Senate. I'm Dr. Oz, and I approve this message. Come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom! Tell it like it is. Yeah, nothing says politically incorrect than being a regular on Oprah for 5, 10 years. Please, Dr. Oz, go back to pulling sticks of butter out of fat guys' aortas. Speaking of jerk-offs and liars, let's go to Chicago.

We haven't talked about them in three minutes. The headline, Lightfoot Loser. For the first time, get this, and this is saying something. Chicago, as you know, has been as violent as any place on the earth for the last 10 years. For the first time in more than 30 years, there have been more than 1,000 homicides in Cook County, including 777 in Chicago alone. Okay. That was a Chuck E. Cheese yesterday. A little fire broke out there in Cook County. The Cook County Medical Examiner's Office said as of Tuesday, the county's homicide total stands at 1,009 with more than a month still to go in 2021. Good for you. They're breaking the record. Hercules.

Of those 927, 925 were Amish and Irish related. If you get my drift. They were gun-related homicides, as opposed to what? Sporks? What the fuck you talking about? These blacks. Who knows where they're going to take the wrong way. Chicago alone had 777 homicides so far this year, according to the medical examiner's office. That's more than the total number of homicides reported by Chicago police all of last year, when CPD reported 769 homicides. Boy, they're having a good year. According to the Cook County medical examiner's

office, the vast majority of homicide victims have been black. Yes. And nobody wants to see that, folks. Black people, I know you think white supremacists, all that total horseshit. Nobody wants to see young kids being gunned down of any color. With 81% of the victims identified as African-American. Yeah, you just said they were black. Is there a difference now? Latinos accounted for about 15% of the country's homicide victims and black on black crime, man. And again, I'm sick of saying it, but I'm so fucking right. Even though Billy Burr hates, it's illegitimacy rates that have caused this generation after fucking generation after generation after generation. There's something wrong with black men. After generation. There's something wrong with men. A lot of those societal woes

can be fixed by fixing the family unit. The oldest homicide victim so far this year in Cook County was 84 years old. He was a member of the Crips. And the youngest was one month old. How's that? And probably everything in between. One month old.

I get a question. You know, you're a parent. I'm guessing the baby got hit. Well, maybe it was in a car. I shouldn't say that. I don't know. But I'm guessing you're not in a good neighborhood. I would never take the baby out.

What a way to live, though, right? This is not fair. One month old. Can you imagine? Kid was on for a month. Anyways, nobody wants to see that. And Lori Lightfoot, why are you still there? Chicago, why even? There's Beetlejuice

in all her glory. God, what a freak. She's horrible. She's horrible. And don't forget, she, remember about a year ago, not even, six, eight months ago, she would only answer black and brown reporters. I want to let that sink in. I don't believe she was elected. I don't believe Ilhan Omar was elected. I believe they were all appointed through NGOs, hiding his charities, George Soros money.

You know it, and I know it. Come on, Junior. You know what I know. He's got to go. Good time for a commercial. Make sure to grab an official Nick DiPaolo show T-shirt or hat or mug for yourself or someone else this holiday season. I'd buy a mug and put all little goodies in it.

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off your order it's a good deal and can i just say this stuff is nice i'm not saying it's my the t-shirts are that soft you know i mean they don't lose their and after you wash them for a year they don't feel like they made a cardboard they're actually nice form fitting you know i mean if you got a physique you look in shape and've got a nice rack, don't even wear it. Then you've got this hat to wear for drive-bys. That's St. Nick, S-T-N-I-C-K, as in St. Nick. You'll also see in the store, we've added the official Nick DiPaolo show hoodie. Make sure to get your orders in so you'll have them in time for Christmas and Hanukkah and Ramadan and Kwanzaa and all the other things that nobody cares about no more.

Just go to nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys very much. It's a good way to support the show. And make your friends and family, you know, they feel good about things. What time do we start the show? We're at 40 minutes. We're at 40 minutes. Yeah. Okay. Not 30. We didn't have a 10 minute pause. Was that 10 minutes? I still got 15 minutes to go, is that how? All right. You can do it, he said. What's the headline here? Lying fag.

Well, that could be anybody at CNN. Oh, it's not, though. How about that? Embattled. See, that's how it starts, embattled. The lying jerk off, Jussie Smollett's embattled. Like he that's how it starts. Embattled. The lying jerk off Jussie Smollett's embattled. Like he's a victim of something. Just watch the language, folks. That's how it works. Embattled Empire actor. He's not even on the show anymore. How about embattled fucking pencil

puller, pusher, prick puller. Jussie Smollett was caught on surveillance video get this doing a dry run like he was rehearsing for iceman cometh doing a dry run one day before his alleged hate crime attack prosecutors said at his trial in chicago on uh tuesday look at. Isn't he a handsome fella? Please give me a cup. No, I will not. Prosecutors contend the footage confirms the actor faked, really, the January 29, 2019 alleged attack with Nigerian brothers.

Oh, I gotta mention them again. Okay, Shemp and Mo Osirandio, who are expected to be key witnesses. Those are the two Nigerian brothers. Remember bodybuilders? Look at the guy on the right. He's like a Malcolm X bodyguard.

The other one looks like my buddy Keith Robinson. Be key witnesses for the prosecution in the case. Smollett's lawyers, get this, they claim the actor was really attacked by the two brothers. Thank you. Can you imagine having to come out with a straight face a year after this and this? Prosecutors poked a hole in that claim Tuesday, revealing a text message sent by Smollett

to one of the siblings a couple of weeks after the alleged attack, the Chicago Tribune reported. Brother, I love you, Smollett wrote to Amber Bola Asandero, one of the brothers, on February 14, 2019. I stand with you. I know 10,000% you and your brother did nothing wrong and never would. Oh my God, dumb as a bag of hammers. I am making this statement so everyone knows I'm covering my ass when they read it. I'm making this statement so everyone else knows, the text said, they will not get away with this. Please hit me. I would love to with a fucking monkey wrench right

in the bridge of your nose. Please hit me when they let you go. I am behind you fully. You're making it too easy. I can't do a behind me fully joke. I don't know. He's a fan. I know, Tone. Jesus. The text came as the two brothers were being questioned in the case. Chicago Police Detective Michael Thies, the first witness called to the stand, called it unusual. He said, to this day, has Mr. Smollett ever come clean about this hate crime? Deputy Special Prosecutor Sam Merndenhall asked the cop, and the cop said, not that I'm aware of. Thies also said that Smollett was not forthcoming with investigators. He reported that he was attacked by men using homophobic and racial epithets

while they allegedly assaulted him, according to a report by Fox News. Remember they yelled, this is MAGA country, because I think Trump won Chicago area big. Didn't he? Fuck it. This is MAGA country because I think Trump won Chicago area big. Didn't he? Fuck it. This is MAGA country. Oh my, it can stem. Not only can this guy not act, they can't write scripts.

Thieves said a squad of about two dozen detectives logged some 3,000 hours. That's what I spend on my monologues every night. Investigating the actor's claims. Just the facts, ma'am. Yeah, he is a ma'am. 3,000. You know how much that costs the city and shit? And by the way, we already know he's not gonna do any jail time. You know, because

he's black and he's gay and he checks two of the three boxes that let you go through life in the United States in 2021 with all types of immunity. Even the COVID virus is like, no, he's black and gay. Let's go around here. I mean, come on, man. Imagine Kim Fox, by the way, she should be in jail.

She tried to dismiss the thing right off the bat because she knew one of somebody in the empire. Absolutely ridiculous what people... Do you guys sit at home and do that, though? You watch TV and go, why isn't Mueller doing hard time? Hillary fucking Clinton? Adam Schiff?

Anybody who broke windows and burned down cities last year? Why aren't they all in jail? Meanwhile, the guy with the Viking hat's doing three and a half fucking years. Do you see what's happened to your country under this scumbag regime? Wow. Equal justice under the law, huh? You know, Kiss has a great song. It's called Go Baby Driver from the Rock and Roll Over album.

I think I bought that in sixth grade. And I still love the song. Go baby driver, you're driving on down the road. Ooh, what a driver, carrying such a heavy load. Don't need no direction. Anyways, Baby Driver headline. An 11-year-old boy was arrested for carjacking in Chicago. And they gave him an extra ticket.

He didn't have his booster seat buckled. Good night, everybody. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Happy Thanksgiving, la, la, la. There's a wishbone, la, la, la. I'm very scared now, buh, buh, buh. Arrested for carjacking, 11 years old in Chicago. I bet you he's from a two-parent family, huh? And is considered a suspect, get this, in several other cases, the cop said.

The boy who was not publicly identified, why was that? Oh, because he's a baby? But he's old enough to stick a gun in somebody's... See, that's weird. If you're old enough to stick a gun in a lady's face and take her car and rob her, you're old enough to fucking be identified in the news. And your parents should be. They should be cauterized or fucking whatever, chop off their genitalia.

I should say one of them. Not public identified just like we don't know at least when I came on the air we don't know the identification of the kid who shot up the school in Michigan either I gotta believe if he was white you'd know his blood type by now

what's in his stool what kind of hair he had right? yeah we don't know I'm just guessing I've been wrong on these things before but I'm just saying Michigan 30 miles north of Detroit No, we don't know. I'm just guessing. I've been wrong on these things before, but I'm just saying Michigan,

30 miles north of Detroit, big Muslim population. Doesn't have to be a Muslim. Maybe his name, you know, or a black or brown person. I'm just throwing that out there. I hope I'm wrong. I hope he's white

because those white devils. The boy was not publicly identified, was busted Friday on a felony count of aggravated vehicular hijacking with a firearm. Eleven, folks, eleven. Let's move to Chicago. Let me say that again because that stops the conscience. Chicago Police Superintendent David Brown told reporters, according to the Chicago Tribune, our task force, he repeated, arrested an 11-year-old for carjacking. That's what he said. The youngster who Brown characterized as a prolific carjacker. Wow, don't you have a way with words. In the Windy City.

Do you know why they call it the Windy City, Dallas? Seriously. Everybody thinks it has to do with the wind. Nothing to do with the wind. Back in the early, whatever, 1900s, somebody was running for mayor of Chicago, and they both had big yaps. That's where the Wendy part came out.

Seriously, it was known for its... Anyways, a little tip for you guys out there, next time you get your GED. Anyways, a carjacker, Wendy, said he was arrested Friday in the November 14th. A carjacking of a 48-year-old woman in a supermarket parking lot. The country has fallen apart. This is a sad state of affairs, Brown said, adding that the boy was arrested and charged with being in a stolen car two weeks earlier.

So how's he out? Hey, Lori, get your fingers out of him. Nose. The vehicle had been carjacked in nearby Evergreen Park. Brown said the boy will be charged as a juvenile, but he's being charged him as a fetus, but he's being eyed in several other carjackings. So bump it up to an adult. Fry his ass. I don't give a shit. Can you imagine 11 years old? What is going on? Houston, we have a problem. Oh, yes, Houston, Chicago, LA, San Francisco. The 11-year-old seems to be driving these car jackets,

literally driving these car jackets. I don't know if he meant that. Chicago Police Chief Detective Brandon, let's go, Brandon, Dean Lynn said. So he's not just there, I guess, along for the ride with other individuals. Law enforcement sources told WLSTV the victim in November 14th carjacking at Jewel Osco Supermarket was a Chicago police sergeant's wife who was robbed at gunpoint. wife who was robbed at gunpoint. The stolen 2021 BMW SUV was later recovered on the city's south side. Deanland said detectives believe the 11-year-old was a strong participant in other recent carjackings, but an investigation is ongoing. Is it really, fellas? Is it? Investigation is ongoing.

Is it really, fellas? Is it? Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot also commented on the boys' arrest Monday in between shitting on white people while criticizing judges for releasing suspects in similar carjacking cases. She said, I'm going to be meeting with the juvenile judges here relatively soon to address that issue. No, you're not. Lightfoot said at a press conference, we have a crisis, and it's a crisis that they have to own some responsibility for. We cannot keep putting these kids back out on the streets with no support. Here you go. She's got to throw this in.

No support, no resources, no monitoring, she said. Well, whose fault is that? That's what the thing was supposed to do. That is it. That is it, ladies and gentlemen. For the show today, except for you people who are monthly subscribers, hang in there because I have an extra story coming to you, exclusively to you. Is my eyes bad, or is that just a tad out of focus? I can't tell. Anyways, does it really matter, Nick? No, it doesn't. I'll still be at the Pizza

Hut telling jokes at midnight in Detroit. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. Seriously, sign up there, please. Monthly. Could you? It's a lot of fun. Year-round. You get all kinds of... Four days a week I do this. You know what I'm saying?

I cut grass for my neighbors during the summer. It's working out good. Don't forget nickdip.com. You can click on the store, buy some stuff for the holidays. And cameo.com, which is the best gift you can give a fan of mine. Go to cameo.com, click on my profile, tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my phone roasting that person. We'll send it right to them.

All three of us will have a good laugh. You guys think and I will say it. You're very welcome. We will see you back here tomorrow for the final day of the week. Have a great day everybody. guitar solo Outro Music