The Nick DiPaolo Show - Freezing Their Caucuses Off | Nick Di Paolo Show #1509

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Willis' race card, Frozen caucus and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Now we're talking Hi Welcome to Slap It and Crack It Yes Yes How you doing folks? Monday, another fucking Monday Hi. Welcome to Slap It and Crack It. Yes. How you doing, folks? Monday, another fucking Monday.

I got a shiny face today. I had a facial. Yeah, I didn't fucking, my wife gave it to me as a present. I don't know why, I didn't know how to take that. I'm like, maybe it was retaliation for me here giving her a Jenny Craig gift certificate. But I go in there, Dallas. You know, five girls in their 20s with fucking skin like supermodels. So I kill two of them. Tried the skin on. Delicious. Thank you. Fucking, what a racket. It basically gave me a nice — they washed my face for an hour is what they fucking did. Fucking women, you guys fall for this horseshit.

And then they mention a couple of things that I should — she mentions while she's doing it, we have a couple of products that you can, you know, I come out and they're already on the car. I go, I'm not buying those. I go, I can't even open my wife's thing and shit falls out. Goose cum and fucking duck cheese. They buy that industry and what's body wash? It's fucking liquid soap. But let's call it something else and charge them more. And the chicks buy it. Ooh, coconut conditioner.

What the? You could make a delicious chef's salad with this shit. You know, I'm like, yeah, it was, you know, they're fucking hot. Wife doesn't watch this part of the show. I'll be going, can I get another one next Thursday? This didn't take. That's why I got a shiny face. I didn't put makeup on. So, yeah, whatever. Anyways, that's that. Fucking look.

Was I that dirty? My cheeks never shine. They took a layer of fucking snakeskin off. Anyhow, what was the other? Real quick football rundown. Fucking Dallas. Ooh, Lordy. Green Bay.

Dallas is Green Bay. That's kind of ironic. Went in there, and let me tell you, fucking Love is the hottest quarterback on the planet right now. And like I was saying earlier to Dallas, they're playing with house money now. I mean, nobody's going to expect them to beat anybody else. They weren't expecting to go this far this year. Great coaching job, and holy moly, Dallas just folded.

How about Belichick to the Cowboys, folks? How be tell me Jerry Jones ain't gonna like Dallas said Jones is about three minutes left to live right he's worth billions I guarantee he'd give Belichick a billion thinking because he really wants a fucking I mean you know Dallas is football America. They haven't done shit in years. Prescott, I don't know what to say. What I do like about Prescott is he came out and said, I suck tonight. You know, but so did the rest of the team. Anyhow, and then you got the weather that postponed the Steelers in Buffalo. Hey, how about the Kansas City game?

Minus, at one point, is minus 27 with the wind. Yeah. Still not as cold as the Raiders. And nobody brings this up. It's like nobody's doing their homework. Raiders and Bengals in the 90s, early 90s or late 80s. I can't remember. Playoff game in Cincinnati.

It was minus, with the wind, it was in the minus 48 or 50. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All I can relate it to is when I played at Maine. I've told the story before. Playing UNH up at Maine. Fucking, it was 35, so that's not freezing, or 36, yet it was pouring rain.

It was blowing sideways. Nobody came to the game There were a couple cars in a parking lot with their headlights on First play of the game I run a sweep I get tackled out of bounds face down in mud like this thing The wind is whistling through my fucking helmet Dude, it was my parents came to see me at my frat after the game. This is two hours later. Game ended like at three. They come by like 5.36.

I'm in my room, sitting next to a radiator, still doing this. Dude, you're telling me. It's not like they're fucking giving me a lot of money. Anyways, I just killed five minutes. Anyways, good game tonight. you know who uh eagles at tampa they they closed i wouldn't be surprised if tampa claims it they gave up a

while ago it looks like and then what's the other one dallas it's the makeup game oh stale is that bills yeah and and by the way cold snap all over the country right now. Like without, I'm not talking wind chill. I'm talking temperatures of like minus 37. Hey, climate change. Yeah, but that's proof that there's some, shut the fuck up.

Because when you talk about climate change, you're talking about how warm it's getting. I don't want to hear it. Let's get on with it. Shall we? We shall. What are you talking about, Willis? A Georgia district attorney, that's Fannie Willis, accused of hiring her lover.

You can't put blacks in these positions. Nick, what? Okay. To prosecute former President Trump, broke her silence on the controversy, saying she and the prosecutor were targeted because they are black. Do you got anything else, black people, when you get caught doing wrong can you come up with show us you're capable not just black what am i saying white liberals can you come up with a different excuse she's saying she's look at her she looks like a hip-hop artist who's pissed her last her record dropped and went so of course she's crying racism. They only attack one Fulton County District Attorney Fannie Willis Sunday at a big Bethel AME church in Atlanta. First thing they say,

oh, she's going to play the race card now. This is her talking about the point people she's appointed. And we'll explain what happened. she's appointed and we'll explain what happened that's her oh I thought that was the fucking here she is attack one I hired one white woman a good personal friend and great boy I'm angry I hired one white man brilliant my friend and a great boy and I hired one black man another superstar a great friend, and a great boy. And that's the one that she was fucking. See? She doesn't point that out. She goes on to say they only go after one. But no, God, isn't that them playing the race card when they only question one, is what she's saying?

It's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. God has a mouth on him. We played the things out of it. Whatever. The comments were Willis's first time addressing the allegations publicly, but she neither confirmed

nor denied the claims lobbed at her, and special prosecutor Nathan Wade, who helped her secure an indictment against former Republican president in an election interference case. Time to make another racist statement. And I'll say it before

I've said it again. I'm sorry. Hey, maybe because it was slavery, whatever. It could be white people's fault. But black people can't be, not again, do I have to say this? Not all of them. But about 95% can't be objective when it comes to shit like this. Sorry, they get too big a chip on their shoulder. Maybe to justify, maybe not. You guys can fucking argue that after you cancel me. She called Wade a great friend and a great lawyer and a great fuck. That might have tipped him off.

Along with a superstar, but failed to mention him by name once during her more than 30-minute speech. Don't even mention the guy. Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? Rome and a former official on the Trump 2020 campaign argued in a court filing last week that the integrity of the case had been compromised by their alleged affair. Yeah, I would think that's a little conflict of interest. I'm no lawyer. And asked that all charges against him be dropped. The district attorney chose to appoint her romantic partner, who at all times relevant to this persecution has been a married man. The filing read.

Wow, bad week for him. And a bad week for you if you don't make that deal. Again though, is that all you can do is play the goddamn race card? Huh? You know why they keep doing it? It's work. The right never figured out how to get around it. And I'll say this again, the left is doing this, you know, whether threatening to take Trump off the fucking ballot.

They're poking the right in the chest, saying we're going to do whatever the fuck we want. We've already turned this country into a shithole. We dare you to stop us. We'll shit on the Constitution. That's what they're doing. They're calling the rights bluff, and we got nothing. That's why I'm running for Senate. I'm Nick DiPaolo, and I approve this fucking horseshit.

Hey, guys, in the second half of the show, what will I be talking about? I don't know. Speaker Mike Johnson threatens federal workers if they go through what they have planned. You're going to want to hear this. I'll give you a hint.

It has something to do with Biden's policy in the Middle East. We are infected with scum in the federal government. It really needs a good douche. Also, I'll be talking about, I don't know if this is in the second half because I don't have the order. The FAA? Is that in the second half of the show? You're never going to fly again once I tell you this story what the FAA is is doing I thought it was a you know what an onion headline oh what a fuck I honestly did I that's the problem now you can't differentiate onion articles from real articles exactly it's

creepy hey all that's exclusively on mug club so join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicka shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. What the fuck? Crazy. Ron could be gone. I got a good take. I don't understand this whole DeSantis, how he was treated this whole. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis

once looked like the Republican Party's future, but then he got thrown into the corporate media machine, in my opinion, and they had to stick up their ass about him and they wanted Nikki Haley in. That's my take on it. You can't open the New York Post or read it online without an ad for Nikki Haley popping up every Thursday. You can't put on Fox News about a story about how

well Nikki Haley's doing. You guys, can you see this shit? I don't give a fuck about what? Nikki Haley, what? Never. Anyways, now a national career that conjured White House dreams is in danger of fizzling before it really began. That's your fucking opinion. His plight is not just about a rising Republican star's struggle to adapt to the bigger stage with political skills that initially were not ready for primetime. What does that mean? I don't understand.

I really don't. what does that mean? I don't understand. I really don't. Because he sounds kind of weird when he talks or he keeps his arms down like a psycho. I mean, in the debates, he did well every time. But nobody's bothering to talk about his record in Florida. Well, he kept bringing it up.

That's right. Exactly. He kept reminding them and people like, no, that's how you know there's something. I know he wasn't the guy. Yeah, he's new at campaign, whatever. He spent a lot of money in the wrong place. Whatever.

We know what he's capable of. This fucking country. Stop listening to the talking heads on TV. I'm not on TV, by the way. And, you know, look at people's resume and what they've done That's how you know, it's all rigged. I can't even believe I'm fucking saying it's And I'm not saying look, you know, I'm a Trump guy. So it's a revealing story about the GOP itself It's fixation with former President Donald Trump and whether grassroots Republicans really want the efficient

Donald Trump and whether grassroots Republicans really want the efficient conservative government DeSantis promises or prefer the ex-presidents. Listen to this. And again, furious brew of grievance and spectacle. Yeah, that's all he was. That's all Trump was. It's not like he did anything with the economy. It's not like he quieted down the Middle East. It's not like crime was down. And the only one to actually take on China. Yeah. See how it's written? It's fucking worth it. Excuse me, baby.

I had babies this morning for breakfast. Jake Tapper asked him what happens if he finishes third in Iowa. And here's how Ron answered. Our voters are very motivated. We have spent a lot of time in Iowa because we've gone door to door getting people to commit to caucus to us. We've got a huge number of people that have committed to caucus and we expect that these are the people that turn out. So there's a lot of excitement on the ground. We're in this for the long haul. We understand that you got to win a majority of the delegates. We understand that there's a long process here.

But we're going to do well because we've done it right and our folks are going to turn out. Fucking asshole. Jake Tapper started at Fox Nose, folks. So I wonder which one will the real Jake Tapper please stand up? Fucking douchebag. By the way, you know, some of those cold temperatures. Iowa's Des Moines right now.

By the way, today's Caucus Monday. Nobody can explain to me what a caucus is. I've watched a guy on Fox trying to explain it to another guy, and the guy fucking listening was like, Roley, a couple of people come to your living room, you make them coffee, and you do that 100,000 times a day today. I don't even know what they're voting on today.

It's the primary. I don't even understand it. I don't care. I don't have to. Because it's all fixed anyways, folks. Whenever it's Iowa or bus for a presidential candidate, whoever wrote this article, said a poor result can mean the end. You hear all the hopefulness

in this person's mind? If DeSantis finishes behind Haley on Monday night, it's hard to see how he has to wipe her back with a towel. What? That's horrible. It's hard to see how he has a path to go on. Listen to the guy that fucking writes this.

What we've got here is failure to communicate. Especially as the former South Carolina governor, here you go, has a shot at beating Trump in the New Hampshire primary next week. Hey, New Hampshire, that happens, I'm coming there and burning down your state. You can send that to the governor.

Sununu, whoever the fuck it is. Primary next week before moving onto her home state. Big money is behind her. Corporate's behind her. Fox News is behind her. We need an Indian broad. Why? I don't know. It'd be great. Why?

By the way, Trump leads her in Iowa by like 30 points. So it's all a big scammerini. Don't get excited about it like I do. Unless you have some good peanut butter whiskey. Whatever that shit is I had this morning. Any he, any how. Let's move on. Qualified, this is the story that literally my wife goes, what's going on in there? I was throwing shit in my fucking office, banging the wall. Qualified need not apply is what I call this one. The Federal Aviation Administration, that's the FAA,

is actively recruiting workers who suffer in, this is in quotes, severe intellectual disabilities. I didn't say they're firing them, they're recruiting them. Psychiatric problems. Psychiatric problems, like this. Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Matt Damon.

Matt Damon. Matt Damon. In other mental and physical conditions, under a diversity and inclusion hiring initiative spelled out on the agency's website. They have to capture that on the website. And Trump has to go in front of the world or the country and go, this is a perfect example what they've been doing to this country since way before Biden came in.

But now they got both feet on the gas pedal. It's a deliberate attempt to destroy our society every facet as we know it, and rebuild it in the image that they want. That's not an exaggeration. Listen to the fucking reasoning. Targeted disabilities are those disabilities that the federal government, as a matter of policy, has identified for special emphasis in recruitment and hiring, the FAA's website states. They include hearing. Not people who can hear. Hearing loss, vision, missing extremities. Nothing I want better than a guy trying to open the exit door

with a fucking thumb, fucking what? Missing hands. While flying the plane blind. Partial paralysis. That'd be good to see, huh? I got to go home and write a bit. You're boarding the plane and you look in the cockpit and the pilot's hocking.

He's at a wheel and he's blowing into a fucking straw. Yeah. And he's like hawking. He's at a wheel and he's blowing into a fucking straw. Yeah, and he's missing his feet. Complete paralysis. Epilepsy. You definitely want people, because it's not like people have died behind the wheel in a car when they had an epileptic seizure. Let's put them, have you ever?

Complete paralysis. Severe intellectual disability, psychiatric disability and dwarfism. Now, the dwarfism made sense to me because that Barry's already been broken. If you remember that plane, that plane. This whole thing sounds like a script for Airplane 3. It really fucking does. Uh oh, retard alert. It really fucking does. Uh-oh, retard alert. It really does.

You know what? Why don't we make it? Get writing. Put aside whatever you're doing. The initiative, listen to this. Here's the part that you know it's going to make your blood boil. The initiative is part of the FAA's diversity and inclusion hiring plan, which says, I already have a

bit about, you know, remember, Dallas has seen me do it about the FAA going woke. There's already more black, you know, pilots. And I said, you know, the guy comes on, yo, yo, what's up, my nigga? What up? You know, the pilot, we built this bitch and all kinds of stuff like that. The black people laugh at it, so don't get mad at me. They love it. What's that comedian's name? I always say this when we talk

about this. Jamal. Something Jamal. A.J. Jamal, I think it is. Black comedian had this bit years ago about he's on a plane and he sees two black pilots getting on. How nervous he gets. It's his brilliant and his honest and... Anyways, which says... Listen, they say they're doing this because diversity is integral to achieving FAA's mission of ensuring safe and efficient travel across our

nation and beyond. Just let that sink into your mind. By hiring people that can't hear, see, missing a limb, paralyzed. It makes it safer. I'm not even... It makes it safer. That's right where we get to call bullshit and go Civil War time. You know what I want? I want all white guys who were in the fucking Air Force.

I want all veterans who flew planes and nom and shit, although they're all dying. I don't care if they're 108. Sorry, Nick, that's racist and sexist. Suck it. Not even talking about race here. We're talking about fucking people with... Why can't I remember that?

What do you call it when you're missing a fucking... You get a stump. The FAA's website shows the agency's guidelines on diversity hiring were last updated, wow, a year ago. The FAA, which is overseen by Secretary Pete I suck a cock, Buttigieg, Department of Goo Gobbling, is a government agency charged with regulating

civil aviation, employs roughly 45,000 people. Now here's a guy, I don't even fucking remember who he is. Fuck. This guy looks out for shit like this. I can't remember what his title is, but he keeps an eye on this stuff to see how far. He already said, this guy said, we've already had a crash in Houston where two pilots hadn't passed their thing or whatever the fuck didn't mention what color or what sex or whatever the fuck you know but

I'm sure after the crash they were black anyways his here's this guy saying how dangerous this is why on earth would you have someone with no engineering background whatsoever with degrees from Southwest Missouri State and Lindenburg, sorry, Lindenwood University. Pause. He's talking about the CEO of Operational Safety at the FAA. It's a woman. Those are the schools she went to. Doesn't have a fucking engineering degree. And they find out she's part of some woman's movement. She's the head of it to have more diverse people in the. Unbelievable.

Let him talk. I don't think that is the sharpest engineer or tool in the drawer. So why would Stephanie get one of the most important jobs in engineering? She sucks a good cat. Well, maybe because she is the executive sponsor of Boeing's Women Inspiring Leadership. What's that? Buck, it's a group that's dedicated to increasing gender diversity awareness. And that, by the way, is right off of Boeing's website. For those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com, join to get my full show, get Steven Crowder's full show, which is the best,

and a whole lot more. And while you're there at nickdip.com, click on my tour button. I got a date, May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. I'm begging you guys because it's a 1,500-seat venue, which is, I'll even admit, way beyond what I usually do since I don't do it every night. Please, please get tickets to that. We're already over 300, to be honest with you. It's still, what, four months away? That's not a bad sign.

You know what I mean? So please, please do that. May 11th, that's right. All right, back to what I was talking about. guitar solo Outro Music