The Nick DiPaolo Show - Gaetz Calls McCarthy's Bluff | Nick Di Paolo Show #1465

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about McCarthy's firing, Pelosi's eviction notice and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 You ever try to fuck me? I won't, Dad. What? Cut. Excuse me. God damn it. Oh, my God. You're right. I don't, Dad. What? Cut. Excuse me. God damn it. Oh, my God. You're right.

I don't know. Somebody. Is there a doctor in the house? Fucking A. Must be the Ozempic. It's making me blind. I know that. This teleprompter, you know, never really clear, you know, but now, holy shit.

There's times that I'm ad-libbing. You think I'm reading? Oh, oh, oh, Zampik. Upset, too. I was 205 this morning. I don't want that. I want 200 or under. Andy buys the shit that she can eat, but she plants it right in the fucking front of the refrigerator,

like a box of fried chicken from Publix. What am I supposed to do with that? I'm looking for a little snack at 1230 at night. What are you going to do? Go for an apple? The fuck is that? What are you doing? You sound like Billy Burr. The fuck dude, right? And then the mini, I went in, she buys a box of mini, I don't know what they're called, but they're minis. So you can eat a ton of them pretending you're not having a problem. It's still a fucking, and I, this is what I do. I'm reaching in there. Again, this is one o'clock. I'm watching a baseball one in the morning because I did all my homework and I fucking, then I turned the, this is what I always do.

After about eating half the box, I go to the nutritional thing just to see what I took in. You got that right. That's what I hear. It's like, it goes, a serving is 34 crackers and it's 164 calories. I go, that's five a cracker. That ain't that bad. But then I look at the big number, number of servings in the box. Oh, about 280.

It's enough to feed four families from fucking Uruguay. And anyways, and I look in the mirror. I'm very vain, folks. You know that. And, you know, I look like Nixon in the morning. Let me tell you a lot of sodium. Let me just say this about those crackers. But fucking Andy just plants the shit all over the house.

She doesn't want girls looking at my tight ass. Okay. How do you know it's tight? I tried to get in there last night myself. Fucking water pick was way too big. Listen, let's get on with the show i was in i was killing three minutes of horseshit uh what's the big story duh what do you think it is that's right pap buchanan what happened to him my favorite you guys know mccarthy gets get it gets shit canned

lawmakers have voted to oust. I don't even know how the votes break down and shit. I know eight Republicans went with it. But I don't even understand. I'm just tired of it. Anyways. And me and Dallas, like we said, this caught us off guard. You know, everybody's going, Matt Gaetz, nobody can stand him, some broad

set of Republican. Apparently some people believe in what he believes. I never trusted that fucker McCarthy. For all I know, he had my friend Angel Fenneth. I just killed him. Fuck that guy. Lawmakers have voted to out Speaker Kevin McCarthy from California. From his leadership role, the first time in the history.

This surprised me, too. First time in the history of the House of Reps. That's why we're in the mess we're in. You're going to tell me people before him shouldn't have got canned from that? Pelosi? 1910 was the last time it was even attempted. Is that right?

Now, you were there covering it, yes. I mean, what the fuck? Pelosi shouldn't have got... That shows how politically savvy that big-titted monster is. So I didn't... Again, he surprised me. He did shit.

But I didn't hear him push back when Matt Gaetz said, yeah, he had a secret deal with the Democrats about Ukraine. And he went against his promise of not to vote as far as raising the budget limit and all that, you know,

the stopgap thing that, you know, the stopgap thing that he voted for with the Dems. So if that's true, fuck him. You know what I mean? Anyhow, he's a Republican from California. It's like being a Yankees fan from Boston. Nobody's going to trust you. Or being a four-star recruit from Michigan out of high school and going to Ohio State.

being a four-star recruit from Michigan out of high school and going to Ohio State. Anyways, first time in the history of House of Reps that the chamber voted to boot a member from the top. That surprised me. It really did. All right, I will. You're going to hear that eight times today. Eight Republicans voted with every present Democrat to vacate the Speaker's chair. Now, it's weird because Matt Gates' big beef, I think it was personal, but ostensibly it was he was going along with the Democrats on some shit, so why wouldn't the Democrats fucking

want him out too? And there's a theory about that, that he was on the Sunday morning shows saying, I'm in this position because of the Democrats, and that pissed the Democrats off. I'm like, who wants to do this shit for a living? Get rid of it all. Anyways, yeah, so the eight Republicans voted with every Democrat present to vacate the speaker's chair.

They should make their chair electric, and then there'd be no vote. Just don't even tell them you don't like them. There'd be no vote. Just... Don't even tell them you don't like them. The final vote was 216 to 210 in favor of McCarthy's ouster. Bye-bye. Rep Matt Goetz.

Again, I call him the missing Kennedy brother. I cannot wait till he goes off for a bridge in D.C. and a vet with a broad drunk from Applebee's. Who showed up with the, oh, did Ted have the neck thing on at the dead girl's funeral that he drowned? He did, didn't he? I love that shot. Rep Mac gets introduced a measure against McCarthy known as motion to vacate. That's usually me pointing to the bathroom door for a cup of coffee. On Monday night, accusing him of breaking promises he made to win the speaker's gavel in January.

Let's take a look at him answering questions on the steps. Yeah, here we go. Oh, this is him in the, yeah, go ahead. Mr. Speaker, my friend from Oklahoma says that my colleagues and I who don't support Kevin McCarthy would plunge the House and the country into chaos. Chaos is Speaker McCarthy. Chaos is Speaker McCarthy. Chaos is somebody who we cannot trust with their word. Yes, sir. That the White House, House Democrats, and many of us on the conservative side of the Republican caucus would argue is that the thing we have in common,

Kevin McCarthy said something to all of us at one point or another that he didn't really mean and never intended to live up to. I don't think voting... All right. Tensions flared during an hour of debate before the actual motion to vacate. After 11 Republicans voted with every Democrat to advance the measure, McCarthy's allies had taken up all of the microphones on the GOP side of the chamber, forcing Goetz to make his case from the side where the Democrats traditionally sit. Are these elementary school? Yeah. That happened to me at the Funny Bone in Buffalo.

The crowd hated me. They charged the stage. I ended up in their seats, giving them the finger. I'll tell you what a fucking mess. At one point, an outraged McCarthy ally, Rep. Garrett Graves, Republican, accused Goetz and his cohorts of sending fundraising efforts on their motion to vacate. They were making, in other words, making money. This is how you raise money as a politician.

Look what I did. He fumed while pointing to his phone using official actions to make money it's disgusting yeah that's never been done before he did bag of shit chance of shame I thought they were saying Shane again a good fellas right chance of shame erupted on the house GOP side of the chamber gets responded when it comes to how those raise money, I take no lecture. I take no lecture on asking patriotic Americans to weigh in and contribute to this fight from those who would grovel and bend knee for the lobbyists and special interests who own our leadership. Yes, sir.

own our leadership. Yes, sir. A Republican lawmaker shouted at Goetz, you're no martyr. And he responded, shut up, Lindsey, you big girl. No. A Democrat signaled early on Tuesday that they would not be inclined to help McCarthy. Getz here is on the steps right after outside. And this is why I like him. He fucking welcomed this. It was a machine gun. He took a bunch of questions from the press. Here you go. I would say that the conservative agenda was being paralyzed by Speaker McCarthy.

We hadn't even sent a subpoena to Hunter Biden. Our oversight was lackluster. Our spending priorities were misaligned. The top line budget was going to lead to more inflation, more debt, more challenges. So the best way to advance the conservative agenda is to move forward with a new speaker. You can say whatever you want. This is my take on it. And again, I don't know who's right and who's wrong. I wasn't crazy about McCarthy because I sort of believe gets, but all politicians are too far.

But he got something done that I think surprised everybody. Now, you guys were real nerds and political hounds sitting home going, well, all you got to do is get this many Democrats and that many Republicans. You know, it's math. But, yeah. But yesterday, all they were saying was he, you know, nobody likes Matt Getz. I thought I heard that from a Republican broad. Anyways, in the second half of the show, guys, I'm going to be talking about a shocking hate crime, black on white, in New York City, caught on film. And if we lived

in a semi-normal country where the media wasn't fucking leftist radicals who hate white people, there'd either be a race war going on where whites were justified. You know, something out, it's a reverse the racist thing coming up. And it's shocking. Even for today's violence in big cities, New York, Chicago, L.A., this is shocking. It's a scene right out of a movie that Whoopi Goldberg was in years ago called, with Patrick Swayze. What was that fucking piece of shit? Sister Act. All right.

Since you've been here, I don't even know why that's funny. I'm laughing maybe for a different reason than you. Because I always thought Patrick Swayze was half a fact.

That's what makes it fucking hugely funny. It was... She won an academy. I can't remember the name of it. Fucking... Of course, she was a the name of it. Fucking.

Of course, she was a black soothsayer. Whatever. Anyways, that'll be at the second half of the show, exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. Which is yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the NICCA shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com.

Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Was I too late with that? That's alright, right? Let's move on shall we? What the fuck was that movie called? Not Heaven, Not Angel. Demi Moore's in it. It's the one where she's doing pottery. Her and Patrick Swayze. Ghost? Yes! God damn it. You know why I couldn't get it? Because when I think of that movie, I think of Whoopi.

She's a fat black woman. That ain't a ghost. Ghosts are white, motherfucker. Anyway. She won an academy for that. Talk about somebody that was handed a career. Talk about checking the boxes. She's talentless.

Never had a funny bone in her body. Ugly as dry dog shit on my shoe. And stupid as a bagger. I say that again, no disrespect. Anyway, all right, let's move on. Oh, we're gonna stay on. This is still related to this shit. It was the big story. What do you want me to tell you, folks? Get out and stay the fucking out. Stay the fucking out? Nick, hello? In a new development on Capitol Hill, acting speaker, Republican Patrick McHenry, who said, give me a pint of scotch. Look at Orville Redenbacher with Patrick McMurphy on the left. That guy from the eyebrows up is Nicholson in Cuckoo's Nest.

That's Nicholson's hair, I fucking guarantee you. Now, this guy's got a bow tie on. That doesn't make me too, I mean, how to break that square stereotype about Republicans. Jesus H. Christ. What are you, the fucking good humor man? Anyways, that's Patrick McHenry. Not Patrick Henry, who said, give me liberty or fuck a fat girl.

Has mandated former speaker Nancy Pelosi. She's still around, this fat whore. She said she was retiring. I'm going to go up there and give her a fucking nipple twister with my fucking pliers. I love how they put Nancy Pelosi, Democrat

California. Hey, thanks for clearing that up. I always confuse her with fucking Newt Gingrich. To vacate her office. The guy told her to get the fuck out of the Capitol office by Wednesday. All right, get out. She said it was objectionable. According to Politico, I don't know what that is either. Is that a Spanish thing?

An email was sent to Pelosi's office ordering the former speaker to leave her office space and don't let the door hit you in the big, fat, wrinkled, nine-year-old ass on the way out. The email written by senior aide from the Republican-led House Administration Committee explained that the room needed to be cleared for use as a speaker's office. Please vacate the space tomorrow. The room will be re-keyed. Last thing you need is a husband breaking in there with a hammer with shit on it, wrote the aide, according to the report.

Following the removal of McCarthy on Tuesday, McHenry, a key McCarthy supporter, I didn't know that. He was a key supporter? That's why it's interim, I'm hoping. You know, they're looking at Tomlin, the coach of the Steelers. And Trump.

What's that? A whole bunch of people are making noise about wanting to make Trump speaker. Whatever. Just make up rules. First of all, Biden's been wiping his ass with the fucking Constitution since he got in there. Put Trump in there as president and speaker, and he goes, you know what? All you senators and reps get out. I'm everything. I am the chamber.

I'm the chamber. I'm fucking huge. I'll give myself standing ovations. Anyways, I didn't know he was a key supporter. Stepped in as acting speaker in the House. Only a select number of lawmakers are given hideaway offices. They have hideaway offices. Boy, does that screen transparency. Pelosi's in a broom closet down by the shitter on the 48th floor. Below ground. Anyways, hide shitter in the 48th floor below ground.

Anyways, hideaway offices in the Capitol. In contrast to the Senate's normal practice, you know, doing nothing in a real office. Pelosi voiced strong opposition to the eviction, labeling it a significant break from tradition. I'm going to break your tradition, you fucking... Look, she always has her mouth in the sucking position. That's how she fucking climbed away to the top. She pointed out that during her term she had allowed ex-speaker Dennis Haster

to utilize... He's dead now, right? I think he is. To utilize a larger office suite for an indefinite period. Well, aren't you a trooper? You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, a big fat stinking cunt. She's cunt. Said and true, but I need to tell you, you're a motherfucking cunt.

You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, motherfucking cunt. Cunt, cunt. Everybody knows from the head to the toes, you're a big fat stinking cunt. I love the tuba. Due to her participation in memorial services for the late Senator Dianne Feinstein, I like to say Feenstein just to piss off the Jews, in San Francisco, Pelosi was unable to gather her belongings. She's got a dildo that she whittled out of oak in 1846 earlier pelosi had announced her decision

to run again for re-election to regain control of the house and what she said she was done and see you see what power does to people and counter any potential return of former president trump oh that's why. Her decision was influenced by her commitment to halt Trump's possible return to power. Boy, huh? Are they just scared shit of that guy? Why in a democracy would you be so scared shit of a guy who's clearly the people's favorite?

You must have another agenda than the one that's meant for you. who's clearly the people's favorite. You must have another agenda than the one that's meant for you. Return to power and cater to San Francisco's special needs. You fucking whore. Yeah, that's it. Go home.

Get my dinner ready. That was Matt Goetz to Pelosi. That's why I like him. Unbelievable. I didn't realize, though, that McHenry was a close ally. I guess it makes sense, right? How'd they decide who picked him?

I don't know how it works. I think they blindfold you like kids at a party, and you throw a gavel at a picture of, I don't know, who the fuck. It's Velcro, and it sticks. Hold on. Let me take this pillow out of my asshole. Ah! Look at the coffee pouring out.

That's all that is, folks. Not an ounce of smell there. Like a Girl Scouts ass. What? Cut. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show.

Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And I do mean a lot more. It's well worth it. Do that now. Okay. guitar solo Outro Music