The Nick DiPaolo Show - Gov Admits to Covid Lies | Nick Di Paolo Show #1360

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

DOE Admits Lab Leak Theory "Likely". American Idol Plugs Anti-gun Propaganda. Chic-Fil-A to Ban Unaccompanied Minors. Woman Crashes Car Into Popeyes Because of Biscuits.   Join Nick for bonus content at Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow Go see Nick on the road! www.nickdip.com/tour for tickets

🎵 Ow! Ow! My back just locked up. Dehydrated as usual. How are you folks? Nice to be with you on a filthy Monday. Ah, fuck off. Way too much positivity in that. How you doing? I love can I just say that folks? I don't like flowers and shit like that. But it is beautiful around here right now. I actually took pictures.

My buddy Tony, and he's not Italian. He's an eye doctor. His last name's Seymour, which is weird. He's an eye doctor. Seymour, go figure. No, but we used to go out, and he'd use that as a line. This is when we hung out in our 20s in Boston, and he goes, yeah, I'm an eye doctor.

We'll be with two hot chicks. And he'd go, guess what? He was studying to be an eye doctor yeah he goes Seymour and I go I'm a gynecologist you know my last name and then he put his hand over my mouth anyways yeah it is fucking really even I can't help it he's thinking about he's coming down here with his wife in a couple weeks to look around he's had enough of the Northeast too. And I sent them a picture yesterday of my street, which is just, it looks like a postcard. Anyways, not to brag folks, I know you're all living in Palestine, Ohio. Those poor pricks, huh? Why are you just sick of the lying? What a horrible time. We caught the ass end of this country.

I mean, it started going sour a long time ago because they even mentioned it in The Sopranos. Well, you saw the opening of The Sopranos. He's doing that monologue. He's talking to his shrink, and he goes, lately I feel like I came in at the end. He was talking about how the country was great. Anyhow, I'm rambling because I had 11 cups of coffee.

Anybody see the Jake Paul fight? Ladies and gentlemen, and if you don't know who he is, I think most of you guys do, you younger people. He's a boxer. You know, on the internet, he used to put clips of him knocking people out. He's all tattooed and shit, blonde hair, crazy as a motherfucker. And, you know, he started to get a following. So there were a few ex-pro athletes.

Woodley, was it Tyrone Woodley? One of the Woodleys said, yeah, I'll box you. And he knocked Woodley out. He beat up some former NBA player. And, you know, guys who fancied themselves tough guys. So he's been, anyways, he was undefeated. And he started shit, talking shit with the heavyweight champion of the world is a guy named Tyson Fury, who has a half-brother named Tommy.

And Tyson Fury's 6'8 or 6'9. He's a motherfucker. And Tyson Fury's 6'8 or 6'9. He's a motherfucker. And he had a couple bouts with this guy Wilder, black dude. And I can't remember if he beat him three times in a row or two out of three. But it was a huge pay-per-view event. He's a heavyweight champ. This is his stepbrother, anyways.

Half-brother, I should say. And, yeah, so he's been yapping back and forth. Of course, Jake Paul starts shit on the internet. They go back and forth. It's been ugly. They've been trying to get this fight together for like a couple of years now. So it finally happened. And I think they did it in Saudi Arabia, Riyadh or something like that. And so I paid 50 bucks. You got like five fights. They were all close and good. And I'm not a huge boxing fan. I much prefer UFC, like most of you. But good boxing is good. And they were all excellent fights, actually.

Including Jake Paul, who ended up losing on a decision. And he's fighting, like I said, Tyson Fury's brother, Tommy. He looks like this male... I could see my wife, the filthy. This guy looks like a male model from Italy. I mean, he's pretty.

I know what my wife likes. So I'm like this looking over at her. It turns me on to see her getting turned on. And she's trying to hide it. I go, oh, put the fucking paper down. I can see you looking over. And I mean, really handsome guy. So you're like, oh, maybe

he's just a pretty boy. But, you know, and he's built. So, anyways, fucking great fight. Come the end of it, people, a few of the announcers thought Jake Paul won. A few others said no. The other guy won. So Jake Paul knocked him down twice.

Caught him off balance once. So, you know know which is still a knockdown he hit him hard enough to knock out and then he one time he really rung his bell he went down which is anyways Jake Paul lost in a decision and um what I said to Dallas I said Jake Paul did more by losing for his credibility than that guy did by winning. Because that guy's like a pro boxer. And he just got by. They used to talk shit before the fight. Jake Paul's like, you were on a fucking reality show.

I guess he was like a Bachelor or a show like that or something. Because you're a fucking, you're on a reality show. This guy's like, you're a fucking YouTuber. And they almost fucking went at it, as they usually do it, the way. But they really didn't like each other. But you could see at the end, they definitely, Jake Paul did himself good, man. Because it could have went either way. I thought the other guy had the edge.

He was picking them apart. You could see he was more polished. But Jake rocked his world a couple times. So I want to go on the edge. He was picking them apart. You could see he was more polished. But Jake rocked his world a couple times. So I want to go on the internet. I want to go on the intranet and see what the people are saying on the intranet. On the

World Wide Web. So I don't know if any of you guys paid for that. It was worth the 50 bucks because all the fights were great. Anyways, I'll cover that by selling some weed down at the park. Anyways, where am I? What am I talking about? All right. Get to the stories.

Hey, tomorrow, the show is me interviewing Anthony Koumia and you know how that goes when we get together. You want to see my numbers go up? They always do. There'll be a lot of shit said that'll probably get me arrested if I walk by the chicken shack up the street. What? What does that mean? I don't know. Let's get to the first headline. Three years too late. What does that mean? You

know what it means. The COVID-19 pandemic likely originated from a Chinese lab leak. No kidding. No kidding, government. The U.S. Department of Energy has reportedly concluded. And I said, is this real pictures? I thought this was a commercial for, like, Michelin. The guy on the left looks like he's talking to the guy in the boy in the bubble. My favorite episode of Seinfeld. The boy in the bubble goes to this woman. Hey, take your top off.

Anyways. Who cares what the Department of Energy thinks about this? What's that got to do with? According to a classified intelligence report recently supplied to the White House. God. I'm going to do something. And key members of Congress, a leak from a Chinese laboratory is likely the origin of the COVID pandemic. Are they serious?

We already know. And they keep putting likely. You notice? They still don't come out and say definitively. The Wall Street Journal reported the Energy Department now joins the Federal Bureau of Investigation, that's the FBI, in saying, again, who cares what they... The virus likely spread via mishap at a Chinese, at a Chinese laboratory?

Wouldn't it be the Wuhan one? Not that it really matters. Let me ask this bitch. We said it was the 91st. Who has it? I'm sorry that was me recording my way to send back the peking duck and he gave me an earful uh the report which is reportedly less than five pages noted that the department of energy made the determination with low confidence in 2021 the fbi reportedly concluded that covet escaped to the public through a lab leak. The FBI made its judgment

with moderate confidence. Like I do this show with... By the way, Gutfeld's monologue is on this tonight. I made it much funnier for him. I'm just reading straight news. Why do I do that? I don't know.

The U.S. agencies allegedly clarify that COVID-19 escaped from a lab. It was not part of Chinese biological weapons program. Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? I don't know. Meanwhile, I'm a guy doing news. Meanwhile, four other U.S. government agencies suspect that the coronavirus pandemic was most likely the result of natural transmission. Two other agencies, including the CIA, have yet to establish where the deadly pandemic originated. The initial explanation for the COVID-19 pandemic was that the virus originated from a wet market, which is a nickname for my high school girlfriends. You know what?

for my high school girlfriends, you know what? Good night, everybody. You're a real pig. In Wuhan, China, yes, I think we nailed it down. Many believe that the virus mutated. It was able to jump from animals to humans. You know, like crabs. No, no, no, no. However, the animal source was never exactly identified.

What a bunch of... No, no, no, no. However, the animal source was never exactly identified. What a bunch of... Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. Here the New York Jets are seen in spring training with their new outfits, their new uniform. Look at these. What a dystopian nightmare. Since the pandemic began, there have been many who suspect the COVID-19 may have possibly escaped from the Wuha Institute of Virology and Fine Dining in China.

A Chinese laboratory that, oh boy, that studies coronaviruses and has the highest biosafety risk level. Yeah. You see it? Well, how do we know it came from there? I don't know. We saw a couple of windows cracked open. The door was left open. You know, a little shit like that. A oscillating fan blowing the shit out. The lab leak theory has been dismissed by a bunch of twats, top health officials, major media outlets. That's how you know, you know, and influential politicians. Remember when it came out, people who said it leaked the lab would call racist asshole, remember? And you were fucking, they'd block you on the internet, as usual, for being on the right side of the truth.

Influential politicians, look folks, it was all a setup, okay? Between jerk-off Fauci, all this fucking shit, Pfizer with his, right, his connections at all the drug companies, they're making trillions. They're still running commercials for get the jab, get the booster. Meanwhile, this weekend, I read twice, one woman, 42 years old, I don't know, a swimmer, died in the Virgin Islands. I didn't read the rest of the article. Maybe she was murdered. But it seemed like they were. There was already, every day, insurance companies, you know what actuaries are?

They figure out how many deaths are going to be a year. They said since 2019, the numbers have exploded. Like, they can't even keep up with it. Oh, that's a coincidence, though. Anyways, the idea that COVID came from a lab has been disregarded as a conspiracy theory some even claim that the that just proposing the lab leak theory is racist remember that here's a bunch of uh chinese scientists about to do their laundry with tide good night everybody in january a group Jesus Christ, I picked the long story. In January, a group of national security experts slammed the New York Times and other legacy media

outlets for dismissing the lab leak theory. Big Tech previously censored the lab leak theory. Once again, Hunter's laptop, this. Again, I'll remind you people, the internet was invented by the government for the government. Yes, you can play your little games on it. You can friend people and play solitaire and Twitter just to keep your empty minds busy and punished and even banned social media users who questioned the origin of COVID.

Very American of them, was it not? Please release me, let me go, for I... Let's move on. I lifted weights twice and I can't even move right now. God, I sneezed. I thought, I actually got a knot in my right tit. Dehydration. I don't drink. Even after I work out, I'm not thirsty. It's very fucking odd. Let's move on to Nick's annual review. And I know, I got to believe my fans out there laugh that I like this show.

But I'll explain it every time why I like it for more than one reason. First of all, I was in show business and auditioning is nerve wracking. At least to me it was. It's fucking very, they make it as uncomfortable. So I appreciate American Idol and people coming on who, some of them have never been on a plane. They're from these rural little towns and they walk into Hollywood and walk in front of these fuckers. And that's the first, you can learn so much from, American Idol is an American

phenomenon, and you can learn so much about you know, our culture from something this popular, how shallow, how PC, how networks, you know, and anyways, and I like you, and yes, I realize there's tremendous singers everywhere, but

they do find some decent talent. What's her name? Carrie Underwood. What, you wouldn't sniffer up at these? Get the fuck out of the way. Anyways, here's the story. I'll set up real quick. Typical broadcast network propaganda left-wing horseshit. And this show is filled with it.

But they balance it by having a lot of country people love you know guy with a scratchy voice so this kid walks in last night with a mullet from a small town santa fe texas or whatever i don't know it's small anyway he's got a mullet looks like he may be 20 years old he sells mattresses for a living and uh they always ask where where are you from? So Luke Bryan, is that his name? Luke something goes, hey, why do you want to be an American Idol? And he goes, well, a couple of reasons. I want to sing to people my age and let other people know. But the second reason is, I don't know if you know, I mentioned I'm Santa Fe, Mexico to four

or five years ago, we had a mass shooting in a school and it gets all quiet and and um and he tells the story and first of all i'm sitting there going he asked you why you want to be an american idol so you can tell this story it it was the most awkwardly transition it was so it was so obvious that abc forced this in this piece of propaganda into the show. Because when you, when you apply for the show, I have many times, they don't like me, do a great rendition of Spanish Lady. They, so anyways, they, when you apply, you're going to tell, you have to have an interesting background. So he put that down, I'm guessing, on his application, right? So they got a hard-on at ABC.

So he tells that story. And Katy Perry, who has to be the senator, this woman, you know me, I'm a sucker for big tits. I still hate her. She's like this, she's got this underlying bitterness for no reason. She shouldn't be famous in the first place. And it's all about her. She always steals moments from kids trying to, you know, on American Idol.

She always makes it about her. Anyways, she goes into this diatribe. I'm watching her as this kid's telling the story. I can see her trying to get her tears up. Sure enough, she loses her shit. Here's her going on a rant about guns and how this country has failed us.

Look at her. Look at her. There you go. Get it all up, Katie. And action! What you doing, Katie? Our country has f***ing failed us! Sex. This is not okay! You should be singing here because you love music

Pause That's why he is there You dope She should be going This is not fair They shouldn't have wedged this story in Because the kid has a great voice Like I said, a little Chris Stapleton.

It's fucking surprising. But listen, go ahead. Listen to Blue Eyes. Is this true? No, because you don't do that. I agree. You didn't have to lose eight friends. You're yelling at me for it.

I didn't do it. I hope that you remind people that we have to change. You know what? I'm scared, too. Fuck you and fuck you. Who's next? Horrible.

Grab her tits. Look at her. We have tolerated this for so long. Too long. Here we go. Pause. No one. Pause.

See how they all get in on it? I think Luke Bryan. Here we go. Pause. Pause. See how they all get in on it? I think Luke Bryan, here's my other theory. I don't think he said anything after that. Folks, you think my theories are crazy and shit? Most of you just don't because you come out to see me do stand-up. They went, we can't have Luke say shit. That'll be too

obvious because he's obviously a Western, I keep saying Western, a country guy right and we know how they feel about guns so it'll be too obvious we'll have fucking Katie door shit and then we'll have you know the black dude agree we're gonna do something about guns and maybe that never happens good theory go ahead anything else Good theory.

Go ahead. Anything else? We've got to change. True. Go change your panties. And I hope you can just leave. For myself, for my school, for you. Thank you.

Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Yes, ma'am. I want to vote on this young man because I think you've done the exact right. All right, that's enough. I want to vote on this young man. I think he has the right idea about gun control. Fuck the singing. Anyways, they wedged in a piece of propaganda

that I couldn't help. I couldn't ignore it. And yes, I do like the show because you see shit like that. I'm waiting for a trans singer to come in. I'm sure I'll have. It's just, they're relentless. They're relentless. You just got to hope every once in a while you find have. It's just, they're relentless. They're relentless.

You just got to hope every once in a while you find a guy like this that can sing and shit. But anyways, that's why you should watch. It's terrific. By the way, the Bruins have ripped off five or six in a row. Dallas, I forgot to tell you this. You know enough about hockey to know

our goalie is number one in all categories, right? Dallas, I forgot to tell you this. You know enough about hockey to know. Our goalie is number one in all categories, right? We have the best goalies. He was average last year. I don't know what happened, but he leads and goals against. Save percentage and wins. He got his 30th win, I think, the other day, which is the most in his career. You know what else he did? The other team was down by a goal, so they pulled their

goalie. Our goalie shot the puck down the length of the ice and scored. Why didn't I give you that clip? What? If that's not an omen that they're going to win the cup, or maybe it's just an omen this guy's having the year of his life. Dude, he

got that puck and just turned so relaxed. You know how hard it is to shoot a puck with a goalie stick? They weigh about 10 pounds. Also from that distance. That's what I'm saying. With a regular stick, guys don't hit from that distance. He lifted that fucker over everybody, and I mean almost dead center. God bless.

I'm sorry. It's just a fucking, it's a wet dream of a season, folks. I know somebody's going to come down with cancer. Anyways, let's move on. Everything they touch turns to shit. Oh, I don't know like that. That sounds, a Pennsylvania Chick-fil-A is barring solo patrons under 16 after accompanied youth. I want you to fill in the blanks. You know, fill in your, whatever. After unaccompanied youth, who the fucking, again, the Irish and the Polish,

repeatedly mistreated the restaurant's property, patrons, and employees. Who's that sound like, folks? And again, I know I'm a racist and bigot for putting this together. On the location's Facebook page, they said, to dine in our restaurant, anyone under the age of 16 is required now to be accompanied by an adult. Typical example of a small segment ruining it for everybody.

The statement says, going on to explain in detail why the decision, which they contemplated long and hard, was made. The Chick-fil-A restaurant in Royersford, Pennsylvania, sound familiar, Dallas? It's where I perform, Soul Joles, began its statement by saying they love being a community restaurant and serving guests of all ages. It is, it's the most family-friendly, you know. But the ongoing issues with unaccompanied youth, aka fatherless children, in my opinion, engaging in unacceptable behavior at the restaurant had forced them into the corner. Is it because we're black? No, it's because of the behavior. Children and teens are learning to navigate the world free from supervision, again, the Irish, and often push the boundaries.

We simply can't let them push the boundaries anymore at our restaurant. You notice you don't see many. Every time we see fast food shit, it's Burger King, McDonald's, Wendy's is a fight or whatever. You don't see much of that Chick-fil-A because they're in the business of hating fags. That was the other big rumor, remember? Anyways, kids, college kids, you know, they won't allow these on campus, some of them. Not the kids, the school, because they have problems with Chick-fil-A's policy. You know, they did a survey last year and Chick-fil-A, amongst college kids, that was their favorite place. Anyways, the statement concluded, thanking patrons for their understanding and encouraging parents to speak with their children.

Parents? Plural? Speak with their children about the matter? Yeah. I'll go to fucking Leavenworth, talk to daddy about me throwing French fries. The unacceptable behavior cited in the post includes listen to this They they do everything they can to let you know It's black people but say it and we're never we're never gonna solve the race issue in this country Until you can say it Read between the lines. Cited in the post includes using loud, this is what the kids were doing, loud explicit language, vandalizing property, stealing decorations, disrespecting employees,

requests to change their behavior or leave, and walk in an unsafe manner through the parking lot and drive-through lanes. Again, Polish people get your kids. I mean, Canadians, Welchmen. That's what they called them in Brooklyn back in the day. I was told Welchmen because they like grape. It's my favorite one. Again, folks, I'm not making any generalizations, but you should. The problem arises according to the restaurant statement on Saturdays and days off from school. Chick-fil-A is not open on Sundays. On those days, parents drop off children and teens at a local park, you know, instead of spending quality time with them, and then some walk over to

the restaurant. The statement also includes an apology to the patrons under 16 whose behavior is appropriate. They place the blame squarely on the numerous extreme behaviors of the out of control peers. See how nice they were about it? I apologize. What's the matter with you? Sorry. What the fuck is the matter with you? I'm sorry. What the fuck is the matter with you?

Throw a napkin holder. I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry, Jimmy. Talking to the white kids. Anyways, you see how we have to tiptoe around? Huh? It's never going to change. Oh no.

I followed that up with a similar story. Let's stay in the fast food market. Let's stay in the chicken market. A bitch and her biscuits. I had to do this one because it made me laugh. A Georgia woman allegedly drove her... What do you mean allegedly? Did she do it or did she get it? Well, no, we have pictures of it. She did.

The fucking thing's written after it happened. But again, and I know that we live in a litigious society, so you have to put a legend in front of it. But you do have pictures of her. You have pictures of the car in the building. And you're still going to use allegedly. Another thing about this country that I love. A Georgia woman allegedly drove her vehicle into a Popeye's restaurant, maybe the

drive-thru, she got confused, on purpose after biscuits were mistakenly left out of her order. I'm going to kill somebody. Biscuits were left out of order, time to take a life. Belinda H. Miller, seen here, second round draft pick of the 49ers two years ago. That looks like Tracy Morgan with a bloody hairdo, doesn't it?

Biscuits, I got a girl pregnant. Belinda H. Miller, 50, who runs a 4-5-40, 48-inch vertical even, she bends 225 31 times, was charged with first-degree criminal damage to property and aggravated assault. Here she comes. She's very hungry. She's coming down that road. Mmm, I smell Popeye's. I smell Popeye's.

Oh, boy, I'm going to pull into the drive. You motherfucking, no biscuits in this. Oh boy, I'm going to pull into the drive. You motherfucking, no biscuits in this bathroom. Deputies with the Richmond County Sheriff's Office. Let me make it clear, people, I mean, everybody out there, white people do this too. Just I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure. Richmond County Sheriff's Office were called to the Popeye's location on Walton Way in Augusta after receiving reports of an accident with injuries.

They showed up at the scene and it was just all kinds of chaos and all kinds of shit running around. I didn't know they kept them that fresh. The store's manager told police Miller became angry when she discovered biscuits with her order with no biscuits. And then she drove her SUV into a restaurant entrance. The manager said the restaurant corrected the mistake and gave her the biscuits prior to her driving into the building. Now explain that to me. They must have been cold. The manager also said the woman threatened staff before the incident,

including calling the store and threatening to drive a car into the building. Oh, Jesus. That was no threat. It was a promise, apparently. Here is audio of her threatening the staff. They recorded her. What folks says about this family, I does. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady

but the way that she eat in front of folks like a bird. And I ain't aiming for you to go to Mr. John Wilkinson's and eat like a field hand and dabble like a hog. Yeah, it's her. That was Colin Quinn. And the timing was perfect. I know, I thought you were doing that to tell me to move on. What's funny about him, you understand, he's been calling me every morning since I started

this show, forgetting that I do a show at this time. Every day, almost. Got to love him, silly bitch. Miller nearly struck an 18-year-old employee with her vehicle when she crashed into the store. She continued driving into the store until she could find some napkins. No, until her vehicle was stopped by debris. You know, human beings, according to the arrest warrant.

The woman fled the scene after crashing into the restaurant. She headed south on Gordon Highway. Her SUV was later found at her home with damage to the front and a three-piece and a biscuit stuck in the grill. Good night, everybody. The woman was booked into Charles B. Webster detention. her home with damage to the front and a three piece and a biscuit stuck in the grill. Good night everybody. The woman was booked into Charles B. Webster detention, so that's a good one there, beautiful

dining room, on Wednesday and given a bond of more than $4,000 if she remains in custody. Why is everyone so fucking stupid? I don't know. Why aren't more people interrogating, like me? I don't know Hey Belinda grow the fuck up Do they teach do they teach conflict resolution in in I'm not gonna say it, you know in the Congo?

I said the Congo because the guy that, you know, who fought? Not the Jake Paul fight. Another fight before that was from the Congo, the champion, and he got beat by the underdog. Some big brother who was, oh, Badu Jack. I still don't know if that's his first name, Badu Jack,

or because they were in Saudi Arabia, don't they put the last name first? I was very confused. But then it said The Ripper. So they kept saying Badu Jack The Ripper. Anyways, he beat the champion, took his belt from him. It was a good day at boxing,

that's all I'm saying. Anyways, that's all I got for you folks. I haven't taken my morning dump, so I gotta get out of here, but you know, don't forget tomorrow, Anthony Comey on the show, god damn it, when we get together, this guy, I'm almost glad he, he could, you know, he would have been a great stand-up, I'm glad he didn't, because then I would have never got to see him, listening to him on the radio, you know, making me laugh my balls off. Because when you're comics, you know, you're flying back and forth across the country. You don't see each other much unless you go to the comedy cellar during the week. Anyways, I digress. Anyways, it'll be great.

You guys, it always, the numbers always go up when I'm on his show and vice versa. So he's as fucking funny and on, you know, the trouble he gets into all the time. That's tomorrow. That's it. Don't forget. You know what? Cameo.com.

If you'd like me to roast a friend or a relative, go to cameo.com. They'll tell you how to do it. That's it. You guys think that I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a great day.

Hi. Good night, everybody. it i'll say it you're very welcome we'll see you back here tomorrow have a great day hi good night everybody I don't wanna be a fool I don't wanna be a fool guitar solo Outro Music