The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hamas Surrendering In Droves | Nick Di Paolo Show #1495

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Hamas surrendering, Magill gone, Alex back and more! Support our sponsor, Nugenix! Get a complimentary bottle of Nugenix Total T plus a bottle of Nugenix Thermo X FREE when you text NICK to 231-231 Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 Hello, I'm Mr. Red. Hi kids, welcome to the show. Monday again Hi, kids. Welcome to the show. Monday again. Monday again. Hey, I was scheduled to be on Crowder both Wednesday and Thursday, but they're changing it because he has to be in court or something. So I'm just doing Thursday.

So tune in to, you know, Mug Club Lotto at Crowder Thursday morning. I shall be on there. Fly out there for one quick one, come back. You know, I work like Springsteen for you people. I don't know if you realize it. Okay, I don't either. What else? Real quick.

Oh, last night about 10 o'clock, I'm watching the football game, Cowboys-Eagles. Got that one fucking wrong. And picture keeps going out, And you know how it says rebooting, whatever the fuck. There may be a connection. And then it would start up again. Welcome. Start up again.

And then the lights would flicker in my house and it would go out. It did that like seven times in a row. And then, boom! I hear boom. Everything goes dark in my house. Transformer. Made a little bit of a storm.

Nothing major, but a lot of wind and lightning and what the fuck. Anyways, so there me and the wife are, like, playing Little House on the Prairie with our kerosene lamps and shit. I'm looking at porn that I drew. Anyway.

It's kind of cool, but boy, you don't realize what a creature, I went into the kitchen not once, not twice, three times and I tried to put the lights on. You know how you do it? You're like, what the fuck? And then no TV? Am I going to read a book?

Anyhow and they're like, okay, we looked at the website, it said 1 a.m. This was at like 10, it said 1 a.m. It should be. People directly to my left, if you're facing my house, they still had their lights. Everybody across the street had them. But I learned this morning that the people to our right did not have them. And I don't know how far it went. Anyways, they said 1 a.m. Come around this morning around 8 a.m.

The lights come back on for maybe two seconds. Boom! Again, you hear the transformer go. Motherfucker. Get a generator, Nick. I don't need one, okay? I have one up in Westchester. That's the first thing I did

because I lived in the woods on a dirt road away from everybody. I spent 16 grand on a Kohler generator. You know what? Natural gas. Fuck, I had a 250 pound tank. You'll see him in Target with the rest of those Santas in wheelchairs. Paralyzed Santa. How funny is that? You're going to have to make your chimney fucking handicap ready. He broke his little neck. Anyhow, that's got to go somewhere.

That's got to be it. You've got to put that out, Dallas. Put that out today or something. That was fucking. Anyhow, whatever I was talking about. I had a fucking really great generator. That was cool. And we needed it. That fucking thing kicked on three times a winter,

every winter. Okay, enough of the horse shit, I guess. I could talk about other things. Oh my God. I came as close to being a parent. My niece came from Amsterdam with her husband and her two little kids. One's four and one's about 10 months.

They look like, I see what Hitler was going for. The most handsome, I'm not just saying it because I'm related. I don't fucking really know the kids. Blonde, blonde hair, the bluest eyes you've ever seen. Like perfect fucking, they already have jawlines and shit. And my God. So we, you know, we fucking, they stayed at our house overnight. We hung out with them.

When they got there, we showed them around Savannah. Dude, I couldn't do it. One part of me was going, I should have done this because I would love to have sons to throw a football with or something. The other part of me was like, dude, you would have fucking been in jail. I don't know how you guys did it. I don't know how they did it. They had been traveling all fucking day. They had been up since 3 in the morning. And I said, you guys want to crash when you get here?

They're like, no, we're going to plow through it. Right again, I can't relate. So we go out and fucking the next morning, oh, my God. We're like a coffee shop. The kids are grabbing shit off the shelf. And I'm going like this. And the parents are just talking to me. because they handle it probably the way it should be.

My father would come over and fucking crack me in the side of the head and made me cry in the coffee store. They just fucking had a whole different vibe, European vibe. It was fucking great. Actually, they're great people and the kids were fucked but I'm like, when they left, I couldn't do it. I couldn't't do it. I couldn't fucking do it. The attention you have to get — I can't — I say that, but

you know, I went into comedy. I was chasing pussy. I should have been fucking starting a family, but who had more fun, honestly? Isn't that what it's about? We're only here for three minutes. Ah, fuck you. Let's move on. Ah, Jesus, I did a lot of yapping. Might get to the first story in the first segment if we're lucky. I'm trying to remember which one of these I push. Oh, dude, it's not doing it. It's dead. Oh, I can power it up. Hold on. Cut all this, obviously. This thing should stop blinking. And there we go. Three, two, one. Beginning of the end is the headline of the first story.

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Sunday called for Hamas fighters to surrender, declaring the beginning of the end for the terrorist group. In recent days, dozens of Hamas terrorists have been surrendering to our forces, he said, in an on-camera statement while speaking in Hebrew. I'll do it for you. Pussies. 30 Arab cucks. All right. They are laying down their weapons and handing themselves over to our heroic fighters. You know, they've lost a lot of soldiers, too. They don't, you know, a handful. Well, more than a handful. But anyways, you don't hear that.

It will take more time. The war is in full swing. But this is the beginning of the end of Hamas, the prime minister continued. I say to the Hamas terrorists, it is over. Don't die for Sinwa, one of the leaders. Surrender now. This guy speaks with clarity like our leaders should. Am I correct?

I think I am. What in God's name? He was the best guy around. Can you tell it's Monday? Video circulating online shows footage of dozens of detainees stripped to their underwear. Hanes, by the way. I don't know. Hands in the air, several held assault rifles above their heads, and one man walked forward and placed a gun on the ground. You don't see this often, folks. They either blow themselves up. This sort of is different, isn't it, Dallas?

You know, you've seen. Well, that's why they're stripped down of their underwear. That's right. You don't do much in your underwear when the enemy's got you in your underwear. You just kind of pay attention and listen to what they... You know, Dallas has been in wars, and he's married, so he knows all about this shit. All right, here's a video

in case you don't believe us. Look at that. Those are Calvin Klein's. Calvin is great. Wow, a lot of machin. Looks like Newark. Does it not? Durka, Durka.

Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa, a bacala. Heavy fighting rage Sunday across Gaza, including the devastated north, as Israel pressed ahead with its offensive after the US blocked the latest international push for a ceasefire and rushed more munitions to its close ally.

Yeah, who's pushing the ceasefire? The UN and the United States behind the scenes? But they you know behind the scenes they talk different in Public they say we let Israel make the final decision, but they're pressuring them And all that would do is what it would let fucking Hamas reload. There's no upside Okay, don't worry. It's coming to an end, like he said. I actually believe that. Don't you?

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so remember that. We thank them for sponsoring the show today. Well, I got you here. Thanks to your overwhelming response, we decided to extend our Christmas merch sales until December 17th. So head to nickdip.com slash store now and use promo code STNICK, that's S-T-N-I-C-K, for 15% off

hoodies, t-shirts, caps, mugs, or signed DVD or CDs. Our last day of shipping is December 18th, so do it now unless you trust the post office to get it there in time for Christmas. That's promo code St. Nick. Now up to it, kids. In the second half of the show, let me mention this before I get, I'm going to be talking about the connection between cat shit and crazy people. I had to do the story.

I've always heard rumors, and there might be something to it. Also, Trump trolling the left as only Trump controlled the left by doubling down on something they were irate, he said, with Hannity. It's pretty interesting, actually. Next story, bye-bye McGill. That's right. Rep Elise Stefanik, Republican New York, and other politicians chaired the resignation of University of Pennsylvania's now former president, Liz McGill, who stepped down following disastrous congressional testimony about anti-Semitism on campus. Sit down, you bat.

One down, two to go, said Stefanik. This girl has got a future. She was great. So much so they did an SNL sketch that people mocked SNL for because it made her look silly when she won the fight. SNL sketch that people mocked SNL for because it made her look silly when she won the fight. Anyways, Stefanik said, the House GOP conference chair who grilled McGill and the presidents of Harvard University and MIT presidents during the tense hearing last week. All these people have one thing in common. Hates Jews. Hates Jews. They sure do. Here is a footage of her, what, trying to backtrack?

Is that what this is? This is McGill, president of UPenn. By the way, some donor, some alumni, pulled his $100 million. That'll get anybody canned. That'll give a shit if you're working for a party famous story. So let's watch her try to backpedal like lefties do

when they show their true selves. And like Dallas said, there's no backpedaling once you expose yourself. I learned that in a van under a bridge. There was a moment during yesterday's congressional hearing on anti-Semitism when I was asked if a call for the genocide of Jewish people on our campus would violate our policies. What did you say, whore? In that moment, I was focused on our university's longstanding policies aligned with the U.S. Constitution. Pause.

Here's where she starts to fucking make excuses. She keeps bringing up the Constitution. In other words, we can say anything we want. That was the take of Claudine Gay, too, the president of Harvard, Steve Urkel look-alike. That was her take on it, too. It's free speech. Really? How about if I drop an N-bomb at Harvard or MIT, or even say women are stupid or can't

do math? Can you imagine them using free speech in the First Amendment as an excuse? These fucks who censor more people, especially Harvard, they came in 248 schools as far as free speech. Go ahead, McGill. Keep making an ass of yourself. Which say that speech alone is not punishable. I was not focused on, but I should have been. I was not focused on, but I should have been. The irrefutable fact that a call for genocide of Jewish people is a call for some of the most terrible violence human beings can...

So you want us to believe you're the president of UPenn, one of the best schools in the world, but you didn't know that? Yeah. Are you fucking... Probably didn't. This is what affirmative action and moving... Well, Nick, that's... I don't give a fuck. She has no business. Neither does the fucking black lesbian running Harvard

or the shithead from MIT. Yeah, clean it up. Sock it. Go ahead. Betray. It's evil. You're evil. Plain and simple.

So is your haircut. I want to be clear. Do you read any of those books? A call for genocide of Jewish people is threatening. We all knew that already. Deeply so. You're deep. It is intentionally meant to terrify a people who have been subjected to pogroms and hatred for centuries.

I like programs. And were the victims of mass genocide in the Holocaust. Monday Night Football is my favorite. In my view, it would be harassment or intimidation. What if I grabbed your no titties would that be harassment for decades under multiple penn presidents and consistent with most universities penn's policies have been guided by the constitution and the law see back to that in today's world where we are seeing signs of hate proliferating across our campus and our world

in a way not seen in years pause that's another thing they throw out there world in a way not seen in years. Pause. That's another thing they throw out there. But we know it's hate from the left, but they throw it out there like, you know, it's equal. You know, the right of it. These policies need to be clarified

and evaluated. Shut up! Shut! Shut! Shut! Doesn't matter. You're gone. It's over, Johnny. It's not over! Only you big campers that can could make fun of Jews and shit. I could go into a bank and say, back here I can't even hold a job parking cars.

What a show, folks. This is only the very beginning of addressing the pervasive rot of anti-Semitism that has destroyed the most prestigious higher education institutions in America, she added. McGill announced her resignation Saturday, as did the University of Pennsylvania Board of Trustees Chair Scott Bach. What a nice name. I like Bach Choi. It came after McGill took heat for ducking questions.

That's an understatement about whether students who chant in favor of genocide against Jews should be punished during congressional hearing on Tuesday. You know what these dumb broads said, like all three of them? It depends the context of how you're saying. It's like they got together beforehand. Like, how are we going to approach this? Let's be uniform in our response they don't have to they don't even have to get together

it is so every college president not even just the Ivy League will tell you the same answer okay when somebody yells nigger on campus I've never heard you bring up contacts or you know women fucking being inferior to men

I never hear you go well you know you know, you can say that in court. You're so full of shit. May you all get lumps in your fucking tiny titties. Here's to me. Here's to swimming with bow-legged women. Farewell, la-da-doo, to you Spanish ladies farewell

to you ladies of Spain let's move on to one of my favorite people on the planet right now not only is he brilliant I already liked him and I know he wasn't he's not a righty by any stretch this is a guy there's only a few people

who are actually fair Dershowitz is one of them in my opinion and really believe in the Constitution Elon Musk reinstated the ex social media account of Alex Jones who I now know personally because I've met him a few times because again mug club Crowder every Friday you get Alex Jones. So he was reinstated by Musk on what used to be Twitter on Sunday. Jones had been banned for five years from the social media platform previously known as Twitter. Musk added on Saturday, reinstate Alex Jones on this platform, question mark?

And then, what is it, Vox Popi, some Latin, vox populi. That's Chinese. It's a Latin phrase. Okay, vox populi. Latin phrase meaning the voice of the people is the voice of God. I am like God. You sure are, Elon. And God like me. I am as large as God.

This could be either one of these guys saying this. He is as small as I. I can't. With nearly two million votes, I voted. Crowder was right on it. Because Crowder, by the way, has been by this guy's side the whole time. You don't think? The whole time, he had them immediately on.

The whole world turned their back on him. With nearly two million, is he right about everything else? No, but he's majority, he is. If you do your research after all the fake horse shit online, you'll see he's right. He lost me on Sandy Hook too, so I don't know. With nearly two million votes, more than 70% have overwhelmingly declared that Jones should have his ex-account reinstated. That's because it's no longer a left-wing shithole, I guess. You actually have some texture, I mean, context or texture. The people have spoken and so it shall be, Musk tweeted. I love the fucking language. Speaking on concerns regarding Jones spreading misinformation must declare it's a safe bet

that community notes, this is a new addition, a new thing they have on, uh, on X will respond rapidly to any Alex Jones post that needs correction. So we have something, see, that checks and it's not a lefty pretending they're checking. It's something you can all verify. Early Sunday morning, Jones made his first action on his reactive ex-accomp by reposting controversial influencer Andrew Tate. I love it. That's his first move, to go after a guy that people are, you know, like, I don't know.

Jones retweeted a post from Tate that read, to show respect to Alex Jones for his triumph return and to show respect to Elon being a hero, tell a global today, get fucked. Get fucked today is the exact quote from Tate. Alex retweeted it. I love it. Musk previously hinted that he would not reinstate Jones

because Jones falsely claimed on his InfoWars show that the Sandy Hook mass shooting was a hoax. He didn't say the whole thing was a hoax. It's a little more nuanced than that. I still kind of disagreed with him where he went with that, but even he admitted he was wrong and he's paying for it. Up the nose. In November 2022, mega upload founder and former CEO, Kim Dotcom. Look at the size of Kim. Holy moly. And that's a woman.

No. Okay. Wait a minute. Are the rest of the people? Yes. It's that big. Look at this. Kim Dotcom urged Musk to reinstate Jones in a Twitter post.

Kim Dotcom conceded that Jones fucked up with Sandy Hook, but that the InfoWars host apologized and got a lot of conspiracy theories right, which he did. Kim.com argued, if serial liars like Biden and Trump are allowed on Twitter, then Alex Jones should be allowed too. Try arguing with that. They will. The left will try to argue with that because they don't understand reasoning and whatnot. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the rest of the second half of the show.

Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, The Great Stephen Crowder's full show, Alex Jones on Friday, it's Brian Callen, The Hodge Twins, and a whole lot more. And while you're there at nickdip.com, click on the tour button, get tickets to see me live.

I have one on the books May 11th. I'm pretty sure I might be going out before then, but I took a breather. You know, after 36 years, I'm like, can I just, can I enjoy my wife and 11 kids, black and Hispanic? Can I enjoy my wife and 11 kids, black and Hispanic? Anyways, on May 11th, I'm going to be at the Red Bank, in Red Bank, New Jersey, at the Count Basie Theater. So that's a big venue. I would appreciate it if you, my fans, the crowd of fans,

please, please, because if the numbers aren't good, I'm going to do like a Cher final tour, Elton John. I just come out like this for five minutes. And they have to pull me with a hook often. guitar solo Outro Music