The Nick DiPaolo Show - Harvard Hate On High | Nick Di Paolo Show #1494

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the 4th GOP debate, the Vegas shooting and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hi, everybody. Excuse me while I scroll through my black book. There he is, Dave. Why is he going to be black? Because, man, black, no, that's where it's at. I fucking don't. I don't know. You fucking sister-in-law.

What? What? Like my shirt, fresh from China. Best polyester you can buy. I ordered this for last Christmas. I think I ordered it in October or got there like New Year's. I don't know.

I remember that episode too. You actually wore it mid-January when it got in and didn't say a word about it just to see if anybody would even notice. What did I wear? The shirt you're wearing. No, I've never worn it. Oh, you mean... Yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, at shirt you're wearing. No, I've never worn it. Oh, you mean...

No, you did. Here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, at home you mean. Like, not... I didn't wear it here. I never wore it here. Yeah, there was one...

Are you... Yeah, mid-January-ish. Yeah, you wore it just... Let's just see if anybody even notices. Are you sure? Yeah. I don't remember that. I was fucking all excited to break this thing up.

Well, let's sing a song. Santa, you know what I want for Christmas this year what a big fat cock oh in my ass oh that's a ho ho ho yeah I really are you sure yeah I don't remember seeing this oh yeah I remember do I have another holiday shirt that I might award said the same thing Hanukkah Kwanzaa I have a nice Kwanzaa shirt it's a black hand stealing a wallet not a wall to watch smashing crap folks black people I'm just kidding look I'm Italian we've known to I'm not kidding. Look, I'm Italian. We've known to... I'm not kidding. You steal a lot

of shit. Big deal. We all have stereotypes. Some of them are true. Anyhow, speaking of that, stereotypes and whatnot, and verbal whatever, diarrhea. The GOP debates, they called me, by the way. I told you guys I was going to be on Crowded. They didn't need me. I don't even know if they did the stream. They might have, but no. Yeah, so that was kind of a relief. I didn't have to get on a plane again.

I got to go there next week for two days, whatever. So I was a little relieved. Anyways, GOP debate. We got a few clips here that we'll rip into. Like Dallas said, we don't know the point of these debates anymore. Again, if they really wanted to, this is all a show. Like I said, the fact that Chris Christie and Nikki Haley, and then I'm reading today who won, and that's all lies and bullshit.

Oh, Nikki Haley had the best, and it's like, what do you, there's an agenda, even at the New York Post, which is owned by Murdoch, who owns a Fox. You know what I mean? They want the globalist twat in there. It's just a fucking, and once again, Vivek was smarter than all of them on this. And all of a sudden, everybody's saying he's just a know-it-all,

blowhard asshole, blah, blah, blah. You fucking... And that's not what people are saying. You'll find out when they go to Iowa, you know, when it all starts up. Anyways, here's a clip. That's Fargus. She used to be with ABC.

Asking Edward E. Newman. Edward E. Newman? Wait, who's the guy? Oh, my God, am I old. Who's the guy on fucking Mad Magazine? Oh, you don't even know. Why am I asking you? You jump out of planes.

You remember the guy with the red hair and the freckles? Alfred E. Newman. That's what it is. Look at DeSantis makes Bernie Sanders look cheery. His face is, that's actually him not even being mad. Wait till you see the puss on him and a few of them. And he stands like this. Everybody else is on the podium.

He stands away from it like the microphone shocked him during the rehearsals. I'm telling you, he's got his arms down by his side like a psycho. He doesn't bend his arms and shit. Anyways, here is him being asked about Trump's fit, if he's fit to be president, which is stupid. You seem to be saying Donald Trump is no longer mentally fit to be president. I didn't say that. Is that what you think?

Look, he is showing father time is undefeated. The idea that we're going to put someone up there that's almost 80 and there's going to be no effects from that, we all know that that's not true. We also need a president that can serve two terms. That I agree with. I have a question. Is he fit? You have your thing. Is he fit or isn't he?

We don't. Speaking of fit. Is he fit or isn't he? Being 80 years old. It doesn't mean that somebody couldn't get elected. Ron? Ron? Ron?

Ron? All three of them have been licking down. Oh, go ahead. There's more? All right, go ahead. Donald Trump's boots for years for money and endorsements. I've got these three guys who are all seemingly to compete with, you know, Voldemort. He or shall not be named.

He is unshitty. This is a guy who just said this past week that he wants to use the Department of Justice to go after his enemies when he gets in there. Vivek got him like, but, but you don't have opening? No. But why not? Go out of my fucking funny and angry and wearing fucking Chinese polyester.

Good night, everybody. Next clip. We don't fuck around here. You just saw what happened. Of course, Chris Christie used the word bully like three times. What a fucking... Nobody makes me sicker than him.

God, I think I'd hang out with Hillary. At least she's a cunt. She knows it. Whoops. Sorry, Fox. I know it's the first part of the show. This one's on immigration. Go ahead.

Roll the thing. Ambassador Haley, do you support President Trump's plan for ideological screening? Well, I don't think that you have a straight up Muslim ban as much as you look at the countries that have terrorist activity that want to hurt Americans. You do. You can ban those people from those countries. That's the way we should look at it is which countries are a threat to us. You have more antisemitism in Germany than at any time since Adolf Hitler. Why? Because they imported mass numbers of people who reject their culture. Europe is committing suicide with the mass migration, and it's illegal and legal.

Nikki Haley said the other day there should be no limits on legal immigration, and that corporate CEOs should set the policy on that. There should be limits on immigration. It is true. Make me a nice BLT and fucking iron.

She was getting piled on at the beginning. But here's the thing, and I said this to my wife, who doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know what I did. But I said, you see how, this is how twisted and diseased our minds are, that people are all praising her last night because she's a woman. They were ganging up on a woman. So she has that edge going for her.

Even if she answers something wrong or sucks at debate. You know what I'm saying? That PC. And they were in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. And she loaded the audience with her donors. Every time she could have taken a dump on the stage, got a round of applause. Anything that came out of her mouth got a round of applause. And they went after her because all the donors are giving her big bucks because she's a globalist. She's a fucking UN ambassador.

Fucking should be the West Wing maid. Nick, I'm kidding. She's smart, nice lady, and very smart, but we don't need that right now. We need belligerent loud blonde hair orange skin video three rama swami has a problem with women apparently first debate she said that only a woman can get this job done that's what she said oh my after the third debate when i criticized ronald mcdaniel after five years of leadership of this party don't have a lot of the size nikki for her corrupt away on dealings as a military contractor she said that i have a woman problem

nikki i don't have a woman problem you have a corruption problem and i think that that's what all the piece of paper up and prove it is corrupt and i think that's fine pause that was brilliant as my wife pointed out because when you you hear it you say say it, you visualize it, you remember it. Not only that, without hesitation,

all the memes started coming out with him holding that up and different drawings underneath where it says corrupt instead of that. He's the only one who's trying to be a little original. He's smarter than all of them. He really is. And they're going, yeah, he was like a child last night taking shit. It's all

fixed. All the fucking writers and anyways, go ahead. Rest of that clip. No. It's not worth my time to respond to him. Yeah. Because like Vivek said, because she knew every word of it was true. I don't

begrudge her sitting on the fucking, you know, at the board at Boeing after she was done being, you know, a politician for a while. They do that. But, you know, then the lobbying thing comes in. So, you know,

you got to admit, yeah, I'm a player and I'm kind of part of what's wrong with all the money in politics today. So she made a couple mil right after she got out of the, you know, governorship or whatever the fuck. Anyways, in the second half of the show, we'll be showing one more clip, I think, right? One or two?

Two more. Two more from the debate. So you guys will see that that are going to stick around. Also, Billy Burr kind of snaps and flips out on Jimmy Kimmel. That was kind of fun. And also, somebody makes a real monkey out of a militant gay black Harvard professor. And that wasn't a racial thing.

I would have said that no matter the fucking woman made a monkey out of her. I think it's a woman. She's gay and looks like Urkel. I don't know who the fuck. Anyways, exclusively, all that is on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Could you? Would you? Sure you would. Hey, guys and gals, before I forget, we're having a big Christmas sale from now until December 10th at the Nick DiPaolo merch shop. All merchandise is 15% off

if you use code STNICK, S-T-N-I-C-K. That's S-T-N-I-C-K. We have hoodies, hats, shirts, mugs, signed DVDs, signed plastic hips and knees. So head over to nickdip.com and click on store now so we can get your order to you before Christmas. And don't forget to use the code St. Nick. Talk to you soon. Let's go back to some of the debate last night. And then Chris Christie tried to play hero. This is why he's, the fucking nuts that he calls himself a Republican is hilarious. You know what I mean? The shit he was saying would have come right out of like AOC's mouth last night. Trump's a liar. He is a dictator.

All this fucking horseshit. He was debating Trump last night. That was his strategy. Because he opened up by telling the rest, you guys haven't even mentioned Trump yet. The rest of the night he kept speaking, it was like he was isolated. These three go, go ahead, hang yourself.

Why would you do that? Trump's got a 50 point lead. Everybody wants him to be president. Even some Democrats. And you'll call him a piece of shit. Good strategy, Chris. Anyways, here's Christie jumping in to, you know, save, to defend Nikki Haley. I mean, Nick, if you can't tell the difference between where Israel is and the U.S. is on a map, I can have my three-year-old son show you the difference. I love it.

He has insulted Nikki Haley's basic intelligence, not her positions, her basic intelligence. Not her positions. Her basic intelligence. She doesn't know regions. She wouldn't be able to find something on a map that his three-year-old could find. Look, if you want to disagree on issues, that's fine. And Nikki and I disagree on some issues. What we don't disagree on is this is a smart, accomplished woman. You should

stop insulting her. Oh, God. What a fucking New York slash New Jersey lib. Go fucking tongue Obama's balls in fucking the vineyard. Oh, God, does he disgust me. And he was. Like, when I lived in New York and he was a fucking governor of New Jersey, he sounded like a Republican.

But they all got to play that fucking game. He just hung himself last night. There's no fucking doubt in my mind. Finally tonight on Meet the Douchebags, we have, so yeah, they went, it was great because they're at opposite ends and they were yelling at each other all night, Christy. Vivek took everybody on. He took a shot at everybody.

And he, I'm sorry, if Trump wasn't around, I'd be voting for him tomorrow. Him and DeSantis. Look at DeSantis. I talked about his body language. Look. He never touched the podium. This comedian, John, I don't, when I smile, it looks like I'm missing teeth. What the fuck? And I'm fat again. No more banana cake at midnight. What was I saying before I started analyzing myself? Like a fucking vain asshole that I am?

Oh, anyways, here's Ramaswamy taking a nice personal shot at Chris Christie. So first of all, I think we just learned something from Chris Christie. We learned three things. We learned three things right there. First of all, Chris Christie also doesn't know what provinces in eastern Ukraine he actually wants us to fight for. Chris, your version of foreign policy experience? Jersey Bridge. Who's closing a bridge from New Jersey to New York?

So do everybody a favor. Just walk yourself off that stage. Enjoy a nice meal. Get the hell out of this race. Enjoy a nice meal. That's why I like this guy. Not only a self-made billionaire, smart as a fucking whip, and I do believe

he's paid and loves this country. You guys can all say, oh, but he sounded like Obama, but whatever the fuck. Say whatever the fuck you want. I like how he goes, he was shitting on Nikki Haley. He would be what you call sexist today. And he

just made a fat joke. And he said whatever he said about DeSantis. Because he doesn't believe in that. That PC shit he realizes is a cancer. Did you hear all the cheering when we came back to that clip? That was Nikki Haley's donors in the audience applauding Chris Christie coming to her aid, which to me, I think she looked a little sheepish, you know, because when you're a feminist and you're a role model for women, you don't want a guy, but after she came over and flipped him like, I don't know, it was a muffin or something, so I don't know. Anyways, good stuff all, producer, good stuff. Let's move on. What would America be without a mass shooting?

What happened in Vegas happens again in Vegas, I say. Three people are dead. Now, once again, the New York Post, I don't know who you're hiring and what the fuck you're doing. Today it said four people dead. And then I start to read the article, it says three people dead. And not counting the shooter. They said they were they said three Three people dead not not counting the shoot then then they said like I said, what did I just say?

Yeah in the fucking it said four so I you know, it's I don't know who they're hiring over there anyways And they you know, they killed the gunman over there. Anyways, and they, you know, they killed the gunman. He was in his 60s. We know more about him. This article is from yesterday, but he's like 67 years old. He opened fire at the University of Nevada campus, Las Vegas. I don't trust it. It's, it's the gun. No, no, it's the mentally ill. Simple as that. You know what the lesson is, kids? Don't go to college. It's dangerous. Three sources told NBC News that, by the way, Tommy went to college in Vegas. Maybe it was his fault. Who was also dead, about 67 years old. We got his name. I don't give a fuck what it is. A fourth victim was shot but was in stable condition, says

Sheriff McHale. Again, the numbers changed. Anyhow, it was an older white guy, like I said, 67, who was a professor his whole life. and then he just moved to Vegas recently and applied to be a professor at UNLV and got turned down. So why not kill some innocent people? And you're going to tell me it's the weapon. If it was the gun,

we have six or seven guns for every person in this country. If it was the gun, you'd have 50,000 people dying every day. So suck a bag of cock meat. Adam Garcia, the director of university police services, said the first 911 call came at 1145 AM. Officers immediately responded and engaged the suspect.

He said the suspect was shot and killed by the officers. Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. The entire Nevada system of higher education and campuses are closed out of an abundance of caution. There is no threat to other campuses, but they are closed out of an abundance of caution. That's not an abundance.

That's a soft country. Abundance of caution is what your grandmother loves. Seriously. That's the mentality in this country of a 90-year- old woman looking after a fucking grandchild an abundance of caution is what's ruined this country safety first you just said there's no other threats so why are you shutting down the other campuses again common sense gonzo joe biden well you know you never know jo Biden couldn't wait to, you know, fucking jump on

said the shooting coming the day after you know, six was shot dead in Austin and San Antonio by one guy on Tuesday I didn't even hear about that, I can't keep up with these fucking things anyways, he says it's not normal we can never let it become, it's not normal then he gives statistics saying how many... Why do we listen to him anyway?

Who gives a fuck what you think? This year alone, our nation has experienced more than 600 mass shootings on your watch. If Trump was there, you'd be blaming him, so suck a bag of cheese. And approximately 40,000 deaths due to gun violence. Good, less traffic. This is not normal.

We can never let it become like, it is normal. It is normal. I agree it has to be addressed in some way, but it's very normal. That's the point. It has to be stopped. It's as normal as the sun coming up. I guess we're fighting over the definition of normal. Well, that ain't it.

Look at him. I shit my pants. I shit them. Nobody cares what you think, Joe. Fucking liar. You see, Dallas, he is going to get impeached because, again, because the left wants him out too. You know what I mean? That's been my theory for six months.

You could see CNN start to turn on him a little. We saw, right, over the last few months, over the summer. And he's dead to fucking rights. But what does impeachment mean anyway? It's a slap on the fucking age-spotted crooked wrist. You know what I mean? Who cares? But they got all this dirt.

It's all a show. It's all a show. No, it's a distraction, absolutely. Because, you know, the 10 guys that run the world, some of them are like Bill Gates, and they're all meeting somewhere in a Motel 6. If they don't go to the nice ones, we know they're going. You know, like La Quinta Inns. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show.

Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show. Get Steven Crowder's full show. You'll learn and laugh. And also, again, on Fridays, the great Alex Jones, Brian Callen, the Hodge twins, and whoever else he's working on. Oh, the iPad's on low power. Forgot to plug it in last night. Anyways, so you go to nickdip.com to sign up for that.

And while you're at my website, click on the tour button, will you? I got one in the pipeline, not till May. I'm taking, and this was designed, I wanted a break from getting on fucking planes. May 11th, I'm going to be in Count Basie Theater. And like I said, it's 1,500 seats, folks. So even if you know some illegals. Red Bank, New Jersey at the Count Basie Theater on May 11th. All right, let's move on. guitar solo We'll see you next time. Bye.