The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hasan to Face Firing Squad | The Nick DiPaolo Show #1962

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Biden spied on the Trump Admin; Fort Hood terrorist earns his 72; an evil West Virginia couple forgets about abolition; foul-mouthed NFL refs face punishment. Don't sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code NICKDIP at https://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad WATCH THE FULL SHOW LIVE & FREE at 6pm ET only on Rumble! https://rumble.com/thenickdipaoloshow/ TOUR DATES, SOCIALS, PERSONAL VIDEOS, STREAM ALL MY COMEDY SPECIALS! https://www.nickdip.com/ MERCH - GRAB A MUG, TSHIRT, HOODIE, STICKERS AND MORE! https://shop.nickdip.com/  

Hi, folks. Welcome to the show on a Tuesday. I will be jumping on a plane right after the show. I'm going to keep this one tight. That's right. I'm flying toothless. Hey, can I get a fucking teeters and orange juice, your whore? Have you ever met anybody proud of to be missing his front teeth? I thought I was a vain fucking guy. It's funny when you get married and don't give two shits.

You get much funnier. Welcome to the show. I'm Kevin Buchanan. Today I'll be talking about Joe Biden was spying on the Trumps. We knew that, but now we have proof. The Ford Hood terrorists is going to face gunfire himself. We have an evil white couple in West Virginia that had slaves about two weeks ago, up to two weeks ago. I don't know. Sounds all right to me.

No, I'm kidding. We all know that's right, wrong. NFL referees, two of them get punished this weekend. Isn't that odd? If you want to watch your show and all the shows on Rumble ad-free and have access to a ton of premium content on Rumble, subscribe to Rumble Premium. That's how it works, okay? Do I.

Anyways, Jason's filling in for Dallas today. Jason, if you don't know, Jason, he was at the, sort of on the ground floor when we kicked this shit off in the basement in my house in Westchester, New York. and a fine fella. He plays a guitar very well, and it's prone to depression. But who isn't? She'd see my nightstand. Looks like Lucille Balls, when you had a drinking problem. I don't even know if she had one.

Jason, what? You get your mic open, you know, say something? I don't know why are you hearing me? Huh? Are you hearing me? Yeah, I was... Oh, that's not good. No.

I didn't say he was good at what he does. No, he's actually very good. I mean, why am I hearing? I don't know. Fuck it. You hear anything? Just you. Oh, good.

All right. I just hear a little background. Not humming. I don't even know how to, like wind? I don't know. Excuse me. Anyways, real quick, I don't know. Oh, that's right.

Again, two nights from tonight. Thursday night. Hyenas. My big comeback being, off for almost a year long as I ever take. Well, obviously you don't do that unless you've been doing it forever and have a little money in the bank, but

going to be weird. Actually have fucking sweaty pomp until I have a rum and coke and then I turn it to you know, fucking American Way of Wolf in London. Actually looking forward to it. Hopefully I got a guy I told Tommy to reach out, find somebody

that wants to film me. because that's how it goes today, folks. I don't know why people continue to put out special, unless you're really famous, I understand that. But for most comics, I mean, the internet is what made a lot of these guys famous, putting up clips and filming themselves every night. And, you know, to me, it's valuable,

if not more valuable, than a special, depending on what level you're at. But you get flooded with clips, and it's fun for me to watch guys saying stuff that I said 20 years ago, they're saying it's edgy today when there's no risk involved when I would say it

to be like yeah the funny bone doesn't want your back why I don't know they just said you weren't that friendly and I used to believe those things then I'm like what what is it about my act I know I made a black lady cry but so what which isn't really true I've had I've said this before on the show in my 38 years I think

I've upset maybe 10 black people total seriously and about I'd say 110,000 white people most black people fucking love it when the white boys being on it there's a guy out there ben ben-ben benakis or something like that I think he's Canadian and he's good he's he's sort of doing what I do you know only in 2026 but at least he's funny when he makes his points and I like his but I'm just saying he should send me a you know a Whitman sampler or something

thank you for fucking being penalized my whole career you said Jew on TV, but you weren't smiling when you said it. Well, I wasn't happy. The fuck are you talking about? I actually had a meeting at Comedy Central after about the third episode of Tough Crock. They go, you say, I go, yeah, but a few guys have said Jew and they go, but you don't, you're not smiling

when you sit. What is this? Clown school? The fuck. You dirty kike? How could you? No. But these are conversations I didn't let people know about, you know. Got a million of them. Anyhow, I'm glad that I can imagine me if Trump was president?

I would have been, he would have me to the White House his second day in. Anyway, so come see me. Come see me go down on Flames Thursday. This could be, it could be historic. Look, most time I've ever taken off maybe three weeks, I think, in my whole career. And sometimes I came out and I was. rusty and it felt it and and um but there were other times I was refreshed and it felt new to me again and I was fucking going off script and being funnier than ever which is my usual M.O but but this is

we're talking almost a year 11 months and so I don't know what to expect you know I could see me in the hotel room after I do crowd a show because we do that in the morning I'm gonna be in the hotel room listening to my shit over and over making notes pretending I'm care and what's funny about it is none of it will sink in after you become familiar with a certain it just I don't understand it doesn't absorb I've actually fallen asleep listening to my you know they tell you to do that when you're having sleep problems put on a show that you're familiar with or or music you're familiar with or something like and it'll knock you out well let me tell you something eight minutes into my shit you couldn't wake me up in the mic son

Come on. What? This is funny to me. That's the sound of your own voice. Yes. And I'm telling you, other comics will tell you the same thing. I'm hiding. Oh, what did Kramer say?

Don't look at me. I'm hideous. Oh, lordy, lordy. So, yes, I'm excited at the same time. It's a small club. And everybody goes, you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. It's like, oh, thanks for the, you know,

the fucking fake reassuring. and whatever you call it. But I always try hard. And I think I heard Seinfeld say this. And I think most comedians will tell you that you always want to do good. It's never a good way. Like, I don't care how it. Because there might be somebody there for the first time seeing you.

You know? And you don't want to disappoint that 18-year-old girl that you met the night before. Applebee's, you got a couple of drinks in her and some jalapobas. And she shit all over your hotel bed. You don't want to disappoint. her. I'm like there's an 18 year old girl at my show. You look at my show, it looks like the Third Reich in the audience. White guys in the late 70s, tattoos on their net. All as I know is that proud boys love me and they actually gave me a shirt. It's like a hockey

shirt. I looked at it. I didn't realize it was like probable. I'm like, this is nice. Picture of a dead Jew on the back. No. So anyways, what's the, what's the other one? The Pro Boys and who else? There's two groups that... You know who followed me when Twitter first came out? Fucking Megadeth, the band. I don't...

I wouldn't know their songs if they bit me in the ass. All as I know is, can't be bad if they're called Megadeth and they like me. I'm proud of that, and I'm proud that one of the Van Zants. That's right. Linnett Skinner came out to see me when I did a show in Florida.

What's it called? not Augusta, San, what is? Huh? Thank you. Augusta? What the fuck is wrong with you? St. Augustine's. I was doing a one-nighter in this little play, and he came out to see.

That was like, are you shitting me? I must be really touching on the white folk. Was the live one, by the way. I'm just saying. That was pretty funky. Who else? David Lee Roth used to stick his head in at the comedy cellar when I was on

because people told him, go watch this fucking guy make people cry and get hate mail the next week. Oh, the guy on one of those law and order shows, but a guy that we like, he died. He's an actor, Italian. God damn it, if I said his name, you'd know. I don't know. But he was at the Montreal, sitting at the Montreal Comedy Festival one year with my manager.

And my manager goes, that's one of my clients. He goes, you know that guy? Jerry Arbock. Jerry Arbock, something like that. And a few others, the girl in the wheelchair that you saw on the telethon who fell out of it because Jerry pushed her. Anyways, let's get on with it, I guess. Brewing Stunk last night.

Came out at home against the Ottawa Senators, and they just didn't feel like playing, I guess. And, of course, it gets ugly at the end. That's why I love hockey. You're like, you guys, beat it's fair and square. I'm going to punch somebody in their face. It's a fucking beauty of hockey. And the other team understands that

because they'll do the same thing. Let's move to the first story. Cock sucker Biden tapped phones. I got that headline right from the New York Times. The FBI, excuse me, I'm going to start smoking again. My throat was clearer. The FBI monitored Melania

and Baron Trump's travel and tapped future White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles' cell phone. Okay, they were tapping. her phone, by the way. That's fucking... Hello? Yes, Joe Biden. As part of a special counsel, Jack Smith's investigation into whether Trump illegally hoarded national security papers at Mara Lago following his first term.

I never understood that. Why would you hoard those? Because there's stuff you don't want people to see. Is that why you take them with you? Or do you just frame them as a souvenir? The family's first trips were traced as the Bureau plotted the... best time to search Trump's Palm Beach home while Susie Wiles by the way that woman Susie Wiles she got him elected the first time everybody in that administration said this woman is a she's like nobody talks about it and she likes it that way that's how I know she's a real player she doesn't want anybody know what she's doing she's older her IQs through the roof and I swear to God she's the MVP of the whole administration that's why they would

They wouldn't tap some nobody's phone. Wiles' phone was tracked in the months after August 2022 raid to monitor her communications with Trump's defense attorneys, according to documents released Monday by the White House. The surveillance, which took place under douchebag, worst president in the history of the country, scumbag, unlikable, fuck stain, glad your wife died. Joe Biden. It happened under his administration. was part of a secret probe

titled Plasmic Echo. I'm sure he came up with that. While they were pumping plasma in him at the hospital. Look at that. He's praying for a blowjob from his niece in the shower. Fucking scumbag. Hope I run into you with the fucking nursing home next Tuesday. I'm doing a gig there.

Anyways, here's some video of something. On August 8, 2022, FBI agents executed a search warrant at Mar-a-Lago. the Florida residents of former President Donald J. Trump. Dozens of agents entered the property and removed boxes of documents marked with classification levels ranging from confidential two-top secret. They found the full pyramid.

The operation was unprecedented. Never before had the home of a former American president been searched by federal law enforcement in this way. Yes, and it shouldn't have been this time. See how you can take that one way or the other? if you're on the left you're going oh what they're saying is he was so dirty it's the first time in the history

or you can be on my side the right side and go how fucking where do you get your balls remember they found Biden's boxes in a garage next to his green corvette fucking dink then attorney general Merrick Garland signed off on the wiretaps

remember him these names just disappear we wanted to hang him by his cock if he had one giant clitoris on the advice. Then FBI director Christopher Ray gave him advice to do that, who sent Garland a memo in May of 2022, warning the sensitive investigation.

It could encompass top figures from the 45th president's administration and could potentially be disruptive to the democratic process if publicly disclosed prior to an election. Still, Christopher Ray, why this, all these guys, this is all true, by the way.

This isn't conjectured. This is all in e-mail. and all this other horseshit. Why is nobody in jail? Just remember that the next time you're debating whether a shoplift or pay your taxes. Still Ray encouraged Garland with a handwritten message, even though he knew it was wrong. At the bottom of the memo reading,

Merrick, I recommend you approve of CW. I'm fucking real. Unbelievable. So it's really not unbelievable. He was the worst and most forgettable. I have a stack of cards. I'm like an eight-year-old. You could ask me to name all 52 presidents from one to 52, did I just say?

Yeah, I added seven myself. They were guys I liked in college. Oh, my God. 47. I can name all. Bing, Bing, Bing, bonga, bingo. And what was my point? Oh, I always, whenever I forget one, which I usually don't,

a couple times I have because I took six months off from memorizing. Isn't that funny? I do this like I have a test in fifth grade. You know who I forget? Biden. I always go Trump 45, Trump 47, because he was such a forgettable piece of shat. Anyhow, let's move on to a... That would be a good way to help you fall asleep is just recite all the names of the president. I get excited, though, when I get to 12 and I'm still going. Then I can't sleep.

George Washington, Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Van Buren, Harrison, Ah, Tyler, Zachary Taylor, Mollke, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Pierce, James Buchanan, Lincoln, Lincoln, and then who filled Andrew Johnson after Lincoln is that right? Yeah, then Ulysses S. Grant and then Ruthfee B. Hayes, then Garfield,

then Chester and then what's his name? Grover Cleveland and then Benjamin Harrison and then Grover Cleveland again at 24. 25 McKinley, 26, Teddy Roosevelt, 27, Taft,

28, Woodrow Wilson, 29, Harding, 30, Calvin Coolidge, 31, Hoover, 32, FDR, 33, Truman, 34, Eisenhower, 35, J. J.F.K, 36, Andrew Johnson, which I already said, so I got the other Johnson wrong, 37, Nixon, 38, Gerald Ford, 39 Carter, 40 Reagan, 41 Bush Senior, 42, Bill Clinton, 43, Bush Jr., 44, the black man, Obama, 45, Trump, 46, douchebag Biden, 47 Trump. I might have got one wrong there, but I said Andrew Johnson rather than Lyndon Johnson. Wait, oh, yes, I got, I had the first Johnson right. Yes, Linda B. Johnson. My bad. Anyways, I told you I couldn't do it. Anyways, hey folks, new sponsor today.

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Support the show and say Nick DePaolo sent you. Well, you can say Kevin Bacon, but don't. He has nothing to do with this. Every time I make a joke, it violates something. All the damn Jews. By the way, I defend Israel every day. So if anybody takes that wrong, go to fucking Gaza by a house. Anyhow, anywhere.

Gotta get on that goddamn plane. American. You know, I keep watching. There's bad things in planes happening all the time. And I feel like it's, you know, it's like you can't get good. service anywhere now. And it's not a, it's not, it's true. There's a whole generation, a couple generations after me that really didn't give a fuck. Last night, what am I watching on, on my phone, you know, at two in the morning? Even though I went to bed a quarter of 12, a new record,

what did I do? I woke up at two or, yeah, 2.30 and I pick up my phone like an idiot, which you're not supposed to do. And what's one of the things I'm watching? That UPS plane that crashed in a few months ago. Only it was like a simulation, but it was still creepy. And then I went, you know, went to bed and had a dream. Andy was cheating on me. I don't know how you, like I see Freud put those two things together. She wasn't even cheating on me.

We were at a fucking, how about this? We're at some white guys, some comedian, like in a big theater with like 1100. And I'm in the audience watching this fucking guy. And it was so funny because in the, Jesus Christ. Christ, it was so, I need one of those ultra-pologists to focus. It was so funny because in my dream, we watched about 20 minutes of his act. I mean, the dream, at least 20 minutes of his material, and everybody was laughing and he stunk. It was so perfect.

It was jokes that an audience who doesn't know good comedy would laugh at. It was perfect. Then the show's over, and me and Andy were out in the lobby or some shit. And then some big guy comes over with like long hair and a ponytail and puts his arm around and he kisses her like on the chair. I didn't even tell this morning. I was just mean to her anyways. No, I wasn't. I'm grouchy when I wake up.

I know you find that hard to believe. But this guy like fucking smotches her. And then the rest of it was me going, how do you fucking know him? What do you fucking? Oh, it's nothing. She was saying shit she, you know, I could tell she was lying. How do you know, Nick? Well, because I used to lie all the time.

Worst boyfriend ever before I met Andy And not that good at the beginning either Anyways Let's move on Your 72 virgins are ready That's the headline Convicted Remember this jerk off Ford Hood attacker

Nadal Hassan? You know, I don't mean to prejudge But the minute I saw the guy And his name was Nidalas I said, you're not going to my military You know what I'm saying? Go back to the mosque in Dearborn and fuck a baby lamb.

Nadal Hassan will be executed by, get this, this is why you get a love Trump firing squad for the November 5th. You know what they should do? They should line him up. No blindfold, so he can see this. And, you know, he's ready to fucking treat. And they pull the trigger and all,

what are they, nine guns, 12, I don't know. Anyways, all 12, a flag comes out and it says long-lived Israel. And then they pick up the real guns. Well, he's trying to give them the finger, but he can't. He's a handgun. Look at him. Are you fucking kidding me?

There's other terrorists ago. This guy's scary. Anyways, he's going to get the firing squad. November 5th, no, November 5th, 2009. We're going to go back and kill him. No, November 5th, 2009, for that mass shooting he did that, left 13 dead. These are military guys he shot. And numerous others wounded. as he shouted, Alua Akbar,

which is a little hint that he's not a Jew or a Christian or a Presbyterian. Anyways, he did that. He yelled that out while he's committing that atrocity. Former U.S. Attorney General Jim Trustee, what a name for an attorney. Hey, there's a quarterback in college, and he's really good. His last name is Mensa. It's like having a Chinese quarterback. His last name is Driver.

You can have fun with that one, folks. Black dude named Metsa The irony is thicker than my ass Anyways Nick what are you saying Nothing what are you saying You're the racist Here is Jim Trusty This guy has prosecuted

A few guys like this Here's what he had to say Relief you know this guy's a monster You think about those numbers 13 dead 32 wounded He purposefully targeted unarmed soldiers Knowing they'd be unarmed at the time he attacked him And his only kind of defense

was al-a-a-a-a-hap. That's all he had to say was, I was in my right mind. I was doing something that was essentially jihadis. I like that. Because he yelled at al-A-A-A-A-Bah, it's like admitting you're in your right mind. You know? So when a baseball player goes like this

before he gets into the bat, and then he beat somebody. A bad metaphor. Hey, American Airlines, leave me alone. Jesus. You guys like living in the day of algorithms? Were you afraid to fucking pick something up or look at something online? It's unfucking real.

Oh, he likes this. No, I stumbled over it. I don't need another dildo. Not a powered one. I got kind of... What? ABC News reported Hassan's execution will be the first one carried out by the military in more than 60 years. I wonder if you guys are too young to remember a movie called The Execution?

of private Eddie Slovak. He faced an American soldier. I wonder if it was him. It was a movie, like when I was a kid. He got the firing squad for being a traitor or something. And then they went, no, shit, that wasn't him. It was Bob Smith. Parnell described Hassan as a convicted terrorist,

writing, the jihadist who opened fire on unarmed American soldiers at Fort Hood in 2009. He killed 13 people, wounded 32 others, and deserves to face the squad. The Associated Press noted that President Trump approved the execution while supporting a healthy erection by firing squad. Pentagon spokesperson Sean Parnell wrote on X, Judgment Day for Hassan has finally come. The Secretary of the Army will set the time in place of the execution. I bet they had to fight to keep Hegsiths from trying to get a rifle himself.

I love Hexeth. The AP pointed out that four men, including Hussein, are currently on the military's death row at Fort Levin. I wonder how the other four feel. Well, you know, if they really believe in that virgin shit, what's there to be scared of? You're going to get some fine, that's funny because if I kill 13 Muslims,

I'm not going to get some fine pussy. I'll be fine pussy in the fucking cell. That's right. my asshole hairs. Our father who out in heaven. Hey, let's move on to evil white couple sentence. Now, there's a phrase you don't hear Nick DePaula saying, evil white people.

But there's no way around this one. And I report the news. I report, and I'll decide. That's that slogan here, remember? Five black children who are forced to work as slaves by their wealthy white adoptive parents have won a $4.4 million settlement from the state of West Virginia for failing to rescue them.

And they ask the kids what they're going to do with the money. $3 million on pork rinds and the rest in the savings account. Gene K. Whitefeather, that's the woman's name, White Feather. That means she's Native American. Don't you have any sympathy? She's a real piece of ass, huh? Holy moly.

and that's her husband, Donald Lance, were sentenced collectively, listen to this, to 375 years in prison. Come on, that's a little much for having kids cut your lawn for nothing. It's a little worse than that, Nick. We'll go on. 375 years in prison for keeping the children

who were siblings between the ages of 6 and 16 at the time in horrific living conditions on their property in Sissonville, where they made them work as farmhands because of their, you talk about old school racism. Oh my God. You believe that shit? I mean, that's older than words like stovepipe, purple gum, porch monkey, coon. We're talking old school.

You're making them slaves? Kuntikinti and Chicken George and Malik, the runner. Can I want a county circuit judge? Uh-oh, Mary Claire Acres, you don't want to get her. First of all, she's adorable. Look at those dimples. I like to fill them with some type of cocking. Oh, I didn't say that.

Look at that. Brains, too. First of all, she's West Virginia. She got all her teeth. I used to say that when I go to towns like cities like, yeah, cities like West Virginia. Real hick towns. I go, it's a type of place where you ask a girl,

if those are real, you're talking about her teeth. Can I want a County Circuit Judge, Mary Clay Acres last week, approved four point filliam, $4 million settlement for the abused children, the maximum amount the state can give out. The hefty payout will split between the five children, that ain't that much, some of whom suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the abuse. During Whitefeather and Lance's trial, it was revealed that the CPS, that's child protective services, left a card at the family's front door.

And do you know who works, folks, do you know who gets hired to do child service protect? it's not let's just say they look like I'm just saying if you go to Popeye's chicken or TSA seriously you they're not even that qualified and that's who we send out because that's who does this work social work because it doesn't pay that

good and they take it about as serious as you think they would I've read a thousand stories about where the child protective services dropped the ball the children's attorney Dante D. Trapano nice kid from Dublin says CPS

later conducted an interview with the children, but they were within earshot of their adopted parents. I've seen that scene in movies where kids are being abused and then protective services shows up unannounced and the parents are like standing in the back, making sure the kids... You know how you solve that? You go, parents go outside. Anyways.

At least one department of human services employee who was involved was fired. Wow, a whole one. police found the eldest sibling of, listen to this, this is really grotesque, 14-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl locked inside a shed, which had a small RV porta-potty, but no lights or running water. They should shoot these fuckers. One of the teens told police they had been locked in the barn for 12 hours after they were last fed. Oh, Jesus. Don't eat yourself out of house and home. The two who wore dirty clothes and smelled terrible said the couple forced them to sleep on the concrete floor

without any mattresses. Are you fucking in this day and age? Wouldn't you like to go back and find out how they got like that? Just what kind of environment. And I'm not making an excuse. They should really hang them. If you're going to do old school slavery shit,

first whip them. tie them to a tree, let those kids, all six of them have 40 shots each. See if fucking white feather can handle that, you fucking jowled, 60-year-old man. That is horrible. Although I think they were spoiling a bit with a porta party from the RV. What the fuck is even that the... How redneck was that story? Can you imagine?

I don't understand. It has to be drugs, right? Please tell me. anyways those kids they're doing well now right we have a picture of them look at that they're already at the fucking they already have a residency in Vegas at the MGM

I forgot about that Jay that's actually a great picture maybe I'll have Tito's no I can't have him sign it all right let's move on to hey in our uh go ahead let's move on and now for Nick's video

of the day in our vaudeville video of the day segment we are going to use this to remind you people when you're feeling kind of down in the mouth things could always be worse you don't believe me well I'm going to show you a clip of a guy at work

it's always a third real shithole country OSHA doesn't exist OSHA by the way is the government agency that make sure you I got true OSHA story I'm working in a machine shop my uncle's machine shop very successful, very rich dude. I'm working his machine shop,

and this is the honest of God's fucking truth. I'm in there sanding some cast iron, whatever the fuck. Guy from OSHA comes in with the manager of my uncle's place. Nobody's wearing goggles. They're all fucking metal chips of flying. No guards on machines.

The truck driver, his name was Moose. I'll never forget this. He's up on a ladder fixing a pipe while he's smoking a cigarette. It was the funniest. A guy named, it doesn't matter. John DeMarris pointed it out.

When the guy left, he was laughing. He goes, and he smoked a pipe, by the way. He didn't happen to be smoke when the guy came in. I go, what's so funny, Mr. D? He goes, you got the fucking truck driver smoking a cigarette. I think that's a gas pipe. He goes, look at all the fucking metal chips and Dave's hair over there.

I mean, it was so going to. They get fucking about six violations. You know how you take care of that? You didn't see nothing. Get out of here. But that's true. Moose was up on a fucking, on a thing, wrenching one,

a cigarette and a fucking other. He was the truck. I loved them. When I say truck driver, they had like a pickup truck. And I used to drive it. My father would borrow it on the weekend. It had a fucking, you know it,

a CB radio in it. That's why he borrowed it. You know what my, what do they call it? you have a name on the handle. You know, my handle wasn't a CB radio, the Galloping Guinea. My sister's father-in-law gave me that. Anyhow, I mean, back, I'm sorry, folks.

I'm like Bill Cosby, going off on a tangent here. When you think you're having a bad day, I want you to keep an eye on this guy standing on top of a thing watching. They're trying to tow this out of the water. That's metal cable, those two cables. You probably, hold on, you probably see where this is going. but keep your eye on his head. Where did he go?

His head came right off. Somebody said, that's a hat. I go, that's no fucking hat. That was his head. I guarantee you, that split him down the middle. And here's what I said to Jason when we're watching it eight times and laughing. I go, if I have cancer or some type of shit

that, like, you're going to be in painful, bone cancer in the next 10 year, and you want to, I'm not going to do it like a walking style. I don't know where you're going to get that equipment, but that looks like a painless way to go. That guy never knew. That's what's scary about death.

That guy was just doing the shit, and he's gone. I mean, Carpfield, David Carpkin, went like that, and you're gone. That's the other thing about dying in your sleep that kind of creates me out.

You go to bed, you know, you rub one out. Well, you're probably 90. You're not rubbing anything out. lights go off so does your heart you know you go to bed and you don't wake up that's another creepy one but people want to go that way I want to be productive doing something at work with no helmet on I can't believe

guys do you understand that's a metal cable we've all hit ourselves in a face accidentally with a rubber band snaps back or you know I mean a fucking full condom something like that But I don't know. He didn't feel a thing. The guy on the thing says, I don't think that'll buff out.

The guy who put it up. Believe it or not, he just suffered a minor abrasion. Don't believe the videotape. I'm kidding. His head was taking clean off. Anyways, if that didn't gross you out enough, this one's not as graphic,

or maybe it is, depending on your stomach. You're getting two for one today. Tyrone Thornton. the first name. I don't know. For Chiefs, the Kansas City Chiefs got tackled from behind and his ankle got all messed up. Blow it up for me, Jason, that picture. I could have told you before you even saw it. He's going to try to stand up at his foot's backwards. Look. Goodness, gracious, Heloise. Hmm. Look at it. Look at his left foot. They're going to do a sequel to my left foot with Tyrone Thornton. As a

you can't tackle somebody. There's something in the NFL now called the hip drop tackle, which is illegal. It's when a defensive back falls in the back of your legs on purpose. And it used to always bother me because I'm like, guys are always getting hurt. So they made a rule. I hope you got at least got flag for that. But there's very few choices when you're trying to chase a guy down, you know? You got a safari net, a fucking elephant gun and what he did.

Yeah, so that kind of hurts. It's still not as gross as I've been around a long time. That's why the show is good. I got a million stories. I was watching the Red Sox and the Cleveland Indians on a sleepy hot summer day on like a Saturday. And a guy for the Cleveland Indian stole first, tried to steal second base, slid in. Back then, the frigging bases, they were put in with concrete and, And they didn't budge.

And this guy slid in too late and jammed his ankle. And that fucker, worse than that. I saw something, even when there's a kid, I went, oh, shit. And sure enough, they fucking show him laying on the ground. And I don't know who the cameraman was. It must have been Alfred Hitchcock directing. They went, they did a close-up from his chest going down his leg, down it. Then you see his pant leg at the end, twisted.

And there's the foot. I don't mean going. a little. I mean like pointing at his own head. Oh my God. Career ended by the way. I like stuff like that. So do you.

We all have morbid care. I don't want a guy to end this career. Same thing when Joe Thaisman. That was still the best one because it wasn't a little ankle or an elbow. It was a goddamn lower bone snapping like a fucking balsa would. Holy moly. And they said Dithman's a tough guy. They said

on the operating table he wanted it. This is part the story. He wanted to stay awake to watch the rest of the game. Fucking psycho. And that's why I like Lawrence Taylor. The minute he saw it, he was like, you know. And that was Nick's video of the day. You clean that up and edit. And that's a video of the day. We gave you two. You're welcome.

Hey, here's another sports story that was very funny. Personal foul for roughing. Not roughing, roughing, roughing. The NFL laid down the hammer on a pair of on-field officials for their behavior towards players on Sunday. I'll repeat that. The refs weren't yelling at the players. I mean, the players weren't getting in trouble from the rest. It was the other way

around. Uh, this is, were they both this Sunday? I think they were. Line judge, Jeff Seaman. What a name for a ref. Seaman. And it's not S-E-A. It's S-E-E. Oh my God. Is that why you became a rough, Jeff? You dink.

Line judge. My buddy. my best friend, Tony Seymour. He's from Augusta Maine, met him at you, Maine. He was a year older than me, graduated, moved down to Boston, became an eye doctor. And we used to hang out in Fania Hall, picking up Broads, and he'd always go, because Maine is finding this funny.

He goes, my last name is Seymour. What do I do? This is one with me girls. I'm an eye doctor. And be like, he-he-he-he. And I go, I'm a gynecologist. What do I do? What's my last name? That's right, Nikki Cunt. And he used to go, you fucking asshole, you're going to ruin it. line judge Jeff Seaman has been suspended two games for cursing out Cardinals tight end,

Trey McBride, during a game against the Giants this past weekend at MetLife Stadium. Here's the incident. I don't think you can really hear the ref on this one. Yell, fuck you. If you blow it up, if you look real close,

you can see him say fuck you, but it's funny. Fuck you, he just, fuck you again. And this player laughs because the camera's right there. He goes through on camera. I don't know why they showed that and don't give you the audio. There's a million microphones down there.

So, you know what? I said, you know what, that's not good enough for my fans. And another referee in a different game on Sunday, Adrian Hill was banned one game for snapping at Vikings linebacker Eric Wilson after an accidental collision per a statement issue to multiple outlets. Here's the second video. Black dude, Ludens Temper, even a ref. Come my goodness, you guys.

Lash out. the guy gets pushed into him clearly I'm gonna go to help him you have to know where you are at all times on that football field there was no play nuisance infraction defense 15 unimpeded to the quarterback

that's not the penalty he got he's yelling at the guy for knocking him down accidentally this isn't a dance marathon on the floor get out of the way you fuck I get yelled at in high school I was tackled

I was carrying the ball I get tackled and I'm laying on my back still have the ball and the rough comes over and I flip him the ball and I guess I did it too hard he goes you don't throw the ball at me I'm fucking doing him a favor

he's a fat fuck I still remember it I went like this it was a little hard but it wasn't out of anger or anything come out fucking ooh what was that guy's last name I swear to God my brother-in-law knows who it is

he had a reputation be a cranky old man the refth not my brother-in-law The officials were suspended each for instance of unprofessional conduct towards a player. And Ramon George, the league's vice president of officiating levied the suspensions. Seaman, the first guy appeared to be saying, fuck you to McBride in a moment caught by a camera on the sideline. NFL, you know, union guy, executive director, J.C. Tredder called Seaman out in a post on Sunday night with the video of the incident. As of Monday afternoon, he has 5 million views of the video. and he said this kind of behavior from an official towards a player is unacceptable,

Treader said. Players are consistently held accountable when the roles are reversed. We expect the NFL to hold officials to the same as standard. All right. Fair enough. I like the first one when the guy's yelling, fuck you, and the guy is yelling at it goes,

you're on Canada. It's interesting compared to how NHL refereeing handles situations. Yes. This is a, Jason found this. This is why we love hockey too, by the way. Again, not only they beat the shit out of each other, right? And then line up next to each other and be civil.

It's a very white thing, folks. Let me tell you. But the referees also, I guess the players don't mind them snapping at them in hockey. Play that again. Fuck you. You're getting a fucking embellishment penalty. I love my NHL. Fucking Bruins.

That is it for today, folks. I got to jump on a goddamn playing like Glenn Campbell in the 50s touring. Why Glenn Campbell, Nick? I don't know. You know, Glenn Campbell was one of the best guitar players ever. And he got Alzheimer's. If you remember, he died of slow Alzheimer's day.

That was horrible. He couldn't recognize his family, anybody. But his daughter went to the hospital one day, gave him a fucking guitar. he played that fucking one of his hit songs like he wrote it yesterday there's a moral in that story I'm too lazy to dig it out

I'm trying to learn guitar I spend half my day looking for the pick Jason if I'm dropping the pick a lot is it the pick too small or too flexible or both I think you're too retarded oh god damn it I knew that was coming

I took that one right in the chops I think you're right I've been playing for fucking eight years I think I've finished one song and then I'm watching an 11-year-old Asian girl playing Clapton with their eyes closed. People throwing money at her. All right, that's it, folks. Catch me on Crowd of tomorrow morning.

And I know it's 10 o'clock Central, I believe. And tomorrow morning and Thursday morning. And that night, folks, I'll let you know. I think I got a guy filming. I'll let you know what a disaster or, I don't know. I'm excited because I've never done this before. It's going to be, I know I'll have notes, and I'll be doing this and the audience like, well, you look at us?

I'll just be reading the joke. I've had times I couldn't remember joke and I have fans that follow me so long, they'll yell out the punchline and I give him $6. That's it. You guys, thank it. I'll say very welcome. I won't see you guys again until, well, Monday? That's right, right?

Jason doesn't know. Monday, right? Next Monday. All right, till then, stay safe. Talk to you later. Hi, good night, everybody. Thank you.