The Nick DiPaolo Show - Head of Brown Security Canned! | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1833

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

In this episode, Nick talks about Tyler Robinson's Lawyers, The Brown Shooting Debacle, A Teachers Pet, Shark Bate and Johnny Carson's Shit List! Take advantage of Ridge's Biggest Sale of the Year & GET UP TO 47% OFF by going to https://www.Ridge.com/NICKDIP Watch Nick on the FREE RUMBLE LIVE LINEUP at 6pm ET https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow MERCH SALE! From now until December 24th get 20% off Everything in our store. So grab some mugs, winter hats, hoodies, long sleeve shirts, stickers etc. from our store! https://shop.nickdip.com/ HOLIDAY VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal holiday greeting from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo and order one in time for Christmas. SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy - https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Hey, who doesn't? It's a stalk and stuffer. Get it? A little something for my friend, Bing Carsby. Hit it, Bing. Stroke of my lick of my suck of my cock. It's the first time for you, so here's what you do. Unzip me and stoop me and show me you care.

Don't go ripping out my pubic hair. Reach for my grab for my peop. Oh, God, stop it. That was Ben Crosby licking my cock. Up four notches this week. Up four inches this week. Stoker and a licker and burning my cock. Folks, how you is what it was? Good to be with you on a Tuesday. Apparently me in, I think me in Dallas, only one. A lot of the other shows are on break already, but you know me, I work right down to the core. I work right down to the, what do you call it, Kwanza Eve? Oh, yeah, because I'm that type of fella.

Sure I am. Be laying on the couch starting Wednesday and I'll get up, I don't know, January 3rd. We have a new sofa. There's already a dent in it. There's a fucking dent in it. Nicked it. I'm like, for Christ's sick. What are we paid for this?

give me a break what fuck what was yesterday what did I do nothing I don't know I got nothing folks um watched the game last night

that was kind of putrid Phillip Rivers it's funny he comes out like a fucking house on fire you know ding-dank over the middle not ding tank 10 15 20 yard passes

but then I don't know about five minutes in he had to throwing about 40 yards, couldn't even do it. It's so funny how it's got to be heartbreaking when you're a Hall of Famer, but it just shows you the level of talent you play at at a certain age. And the Chiefs got their shit together. We'll do a story about them moving out of Arrowhead.

They got their shit. It's very interesting right now. They have their shit together. When Purdy's good, he's pretty good. No, he's really good. They got there. He threw five touchdown passes like. But I got a lot of.

You got the bears who have this shit together. The Patriots have this shit together. The Rams, even though they lost that game this year, Seattle has their shit together. And the Jaguars. Yeah. It's, they're like jelling at the, people forget how long this season was. The NFL, when I was a kid, it was 14, 12 or 14 games. 14, I think.

I almost thought it was, I think it was 12 and then they upped it to 14 when I was still a kid. I don't know, but now it's, what, 18? I mean, that's, do you understand, you can, you can stink it up for the first month of tour? I told you, even during the glory days of the Patriots in Belichick, he would treat the first, the first four games on, honest to God, almost like preseason. He would experiment and shit. And if you look back, they, in a couple of the seasons, they were like two and four or one in three and people who were calling for their demise. And by the way, he made a, he made a big. move at University of North Carolina, Belichick.

Did he hired Bobby Petrino? And if you know anything about the SEC, he was the coach of Arkansas for years. And he got booted for having enough. He got a motorcycle accent with his, with his mistress on the back of the motorcycle. Don't you love that Belichick goes, yeah, I want him. It's just, I love it. I don't give a shit. He's like, especially now, Belichick's got a 24-year-old girlfriend.

No wonder why he got Petrino. I'm surprised he doesn't give Rick Patino a call, who also got in trouble with a girl once. Anyways, I thought that was pretty goddamn funny. I don't know. What else? Might as well get to it, I guess. You're watching me do what I do, procrastinate. Anybody know anything about fucking guitar amps?

Because I got a Delta, what the fuck was it called? I bought this one a while ago. Had problems with it. mailed it back. They sent me another one. This one worked for about five minutes of tube amp. All of a sudden it starts popping and crackling the minute I look at it. And I'm not going to mail the fucking thing back. I might drive there and you'll fucking see me on Newsweek as I shot up Sweetwater. Great company, by the way. They have all kinds of gear and shit. I don't want to bad mouth them, but I'm going to bad mouth them. Anyways, let's get to, oh my God, I didn't even welcome to the live line. I got to say this shit every day. You know where you are. This is fucking W.A.B.C. in New York.

I'm Kent Magoo. Here's Fuck Face with the Weather. Welcome to the live lineup. You get my show, The Great Stephen Crowder, which is louder with Crowder. All these other great shows, you get it for free. If you want to watch it all ad-free, sign up for Rumble Premium. Don't forget to download the fucking app. Today I'll be talking about Tyler Robinson's lawyer.

He's the guy who shot a friend, Charlie. Also, Brown University coming clean after that train wreck of a press conference. It's all coming out once again. They canned the head of the police there. And, you know, I watched that press conference. You had the dweeb. I don't know how the mayor of Providence. And if you don't know anything about Providence, it's where the mafia started, basically.

Place called Federal Hill. I tried selling meat door to door there. I almost got shut. Of course, the Guineas figured out what it was per pound in the head. Guy in a muscle shirt. I go, yeah, but it breaks down to like $4 per meal. He goes, the fuck you're talking about? My friend Tony up the street's got a meat market.

I get that shit for a buck and a half. But I'll buy one anyways. You know, because I was not greasy Italian. Anyways, also got another teacher who supposedly rowing the young kid's life by sleeping with him. The kid was a little young, but I didn't even think she slept with him. Anyway, and we got a great Johnny Carson's, and somebody wrote a book about him, one of his old producers, and it's got a whole list of the people that he banned from the show.

So stay tuned for that, and I'll show you how to change a tie if you have a hook for a hand. All right, family ties is the first story. Defense attorneys for the man accused of killing conservative activist Charlie Kirk are asking a Utah judge, this is interesting, to remove the entire Utah County attorney's office from the case, arguing prosecutors are compromised by a serious conflict of interest tied directly to the deadly shooting itself.

This is pretty interesting, actually. Counselor? I don't know who side to take. Counselor. Attorneys for Tyler James Robinson alleged that senior members of the prosecutor's office had a personal and familial connection, a relative to the crime scene. They failed to step aside and allowed a motion to influence the decision to seek the death penalty.

I don't know if you really needed that. I mean, if this isn't a death penalty thing, what is? Robinson's charged with the aggravated murder on September 10, 2025, that, you know, shooting Charlie Kirk. looks like a nice kid who needs his head open. According to the motion, a top supervisory prosecutor in the Utah County's attorney's office had a close family member in attendance at the event when the shooting occurred. That family member was approximately 85 feet from Kirk when he was shot and fled the scene in panic, leaving behind a backpack later photographed at the crime scene.

Oh, that definitely will affect the case. The file, this, all right, I'm already making up my... mind as I read it. It seems like a reach to me. The filing alleges the prosecutor received real-time text from messages from the family member describing the chaos and reporting that Kirk had been shot in the neck. Those messages, the defense claims, were immediately shared with county attorney Jeffrey Gray and other members of the prosecution team before any conflict review or ethical screening was put in place. Like I said, my, my, my, take is, it's like, okay, that's a stretch that's going to affect it. On the other hand, I'm just

saying the way the world works and how litigious we are, you can see why I did bring that up and try to use it as it, right? I think it's a bit of a stretch, but you got to, I mean, this is such a case of co-blooded murder that everybody saw that it's, you got to use everything in your arsenal. Despite that personal connection, the prosecutor allegedly remained actively involved in the case. What are you supposed to do? You're out of order. Retained supervisory

authority over the prosecution team and discussed the matter internally raising concerns that the prosecutorial discretion may have been influenced by personal fear, trauma, or bias. What are they, pussies? I mean, relax.

Defense attorneys argue no recuse. But then again, and there's Chris Farley playing a character on SNL. What? He's playing now. What's the guy's name Foley? The guy that lived in a van down by the river. This woman looked like she's a pelican.

She's got a pound of salmon in her gullet. Defense attorneys argue no recusal occurred and no ethical firewall was established to isolate the conflict. The filing also questions the timing of the prosecution's decision to pursue the death penalty. Utah law allows prosecutors up to 60 days after arraignment to file a notice of intent. but in Robinson's case, the notice was filed immediately alongside the charging documents. Well, like I said, because the whole world saw it. You know what I mean?

What are they supposed to mull that over? But again, I understand how touchy our legal system is. But they're saying, oh, my God, they were influenced emotionally. We've got to hang this kid now, you know? The defense argues that the unusually rapid move came just days after the prosecutors learned of their colleague. family members' traumatic experience at the show. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm not buying it. Raising concerns that emotion

rather than detached legal judgment played a role in the distance. But then again, like I said, it'll go to some judge, and the chances the judge went to an Ivy League school are about 100 out of 90 and probably hated Charlie Kirk secretly or what he stood for, to put it that way. See how I think ahead, folks?

That lady's scaring me. The Utah County Attorney's Office pushed back on the defense allegations. This is what the prosecutor said. Prosecutors said despite being present at the event, the individual identified in the motion knew less about the details of the shooting than non-attendees, and this makes sense, who were following the news reports

and social media posts, which was like in real time. The Utah County attorney based his charging decisions solely on the circumstances of the alleged crimes without regard for the identity of any specific attendee. I tend to believe them but I don't know enough about the law because anything anything

today when you hear about a conflict of interest you're like really? You know so I don't know that could be blatant there could be judges reading this going yeah that's that's a fucking no-go

but what happened of Providence was I'm back to Brown now I'm still amazed at that fucking mayor that's what I was talking about before the point he headed elitist asshole is the mayor of Providence. It was always a guy named Morocco Nunzio. It was always, and there was a family called the Patriarchas.

I won't get into it, but they, I know I'm jumping from one story to the other, but they both involve killing. You know, Rhode Island's a tiny little state. Nobody thinks much. They had their own, basically have their own judicial system. It had nothing to do with the Fed system, because the fucking mob but that's a long time ago

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Let's move on to more murder. How long have I been looking for a light store? Brown administration, once again, folks, ignored janitor's warnings. I was trying to make a goodwill hunting joke here, but I couldn't. Remember Matt Damon was the janitor at Harvard? Louis has a bit about that. He hates that

movie so much. Oh, it makes me frigging cry. A Brown University custodian, I liked it actually. Spotted depraved gunman. Claudio Nevis. I'll spin I'll do what they do on the local nose. Claudio Nevis Belente. Pacing school hallways and pairing into classrooms. nearly a dozen times in the weeks before his mass shooting and alerted, this is the guy that,

the janitor, and alerted campus security twice about the suspicious figure. How many stories have I done like this since I had this show, even before you got here, where cops or the FBI were told and they just sort of went about their day, Derek Illissy, who has worked, he's got a Celtics hat on, he's got to love New England, at the elite school for 15 years, told the Boston Globe I love it. This is almost like a movie. It really is.

He's the janitor and he's street smart and figures it out before, you know, anybody. Excuse me. He knew something was off. Excuse me. God damn it. One cigarette, a day. He knew something was off

with the mass shooter before the sicko open fire in a lecture hall, killing two students on December 13th. I just put that in there because maybe you didn't know a gun sounded like. While Lacey said he twice told the same security guard, I'll repeat that.

He told the same security guard who's probably making 11 bucks an hour and getting blown in the parking lot in his truck. Or he could be a great guy and I'm an asshole for saying that. Either way, fuck off. Back to the show. Told the same security guy about a suspicious person lurking around the same building in the days leading up to the horror. Now, let's do some logic here. The guy tells a security guard that. Now, I'm guessing if he acted on that, he would have saw something or kept an eye out.

It made him aware for, let's say, a week. He did his job. I don't know how you. The guy walked, the guy was casing the fucking building like he was going to rob a CVS. You got so much camera time. I told you, you got a sad card last week. I'll tell you. Let me say, oh, I saw a clip of Rodney.

I was going to send it to you last night. What the fuck was it? I'll think of it. He had a couple I hadn't heard of. Ooh, I tried marijuana. I didn't know what I was doing. I was on Coke. That wasn't a good one, though.

Leading up to the horror, it's unclear if any action was taken by the guard or camp. It's unclear? Really? I'd say nobody took action as the result. Do words mean anything anymore when you write a fucking article? That's your world. I just live in it. He'd been casing the place for weeks, looking at the classrooms,

and circling the hallways for weeks. So you tell me this fucking guy. security guard was doing his job? And it happens. Cops are like us. Well, I don't want to say that. But cops, you know, they leave the house. You don't know if you're coming back.

But you get complacent when shit doesn't go on for a while. Like any job. You just, you know, want to get home to the whatever. Especially security guy at a college campus. Not exactly walking a tough beat there. Ivy League school. Probably get complacent like we all do. Circling the hallways.

I thought it was. trying to steal something. Every time he saw me, I think he thought I was security because he would always walk away, the janitor said. I said, something's off with this guy, so I got to say something, at least he said. His motive is unclear, but former friends and classmates have said he looked down on Brown University over everything from its food. That's why he shot up the place. The chicken fingers were horrible. To the lack of academic intensity and had gone head to head in school with Lurio, that's the MIT guy he shot. As a younger man, earning better grades than Lurio, but ultimately going nowhere professionally

while the dead man soared. And this guy was brilliant like anybody in this field. This guy was scary smart. And he was bored. I was reading this in another art. He couldn't believe how bad the, he already knew everything they were teaching at Brown. And he thought he was wasting his money. and obviously he had a screw loose.

One of those guys, you know, people are a borderline genius insanity. There's a lot of those people. But not all of them act out like this. Brown officials did not immediately return an email seeking comment Monday because they realized it was probably a DEI hire. What, Nick, you can't say. I just did. And I will continue.

I'll say it again, the janitor figured it out before everybody else. And what? So today they woke up. in a bad mode and started a can of people. And how do you, how do you, somebody made you aware and said, this guy's been doing this for weeks. Don't you go, right there you'd go, hey, let's look at all the cameras in the area. All of them, not just the ones on campus, because they don't have enough on campus apparently. And, you know, I mean, they didn't look into it.

They went on with a day. They were too busy telling 19-year-old girls that they can be men and vice versa. And Whitey's bad. So let's continue with a related story. What can Brown do for you? Brown University Police Chief Rodney Chapman is on leave effective immediately. There's Rodney. You're fired.

You're fired. You're fired. Again, it's a judgment call, but I'm making it. I heard him talk, so he's not. But I'm just saying, why is he dressed like he survived Vietnam? Look at him. like he's a war hero. Rhode Island does that, by the way.

You ever see their state troopers? They win. They have a contest every year for best uniforms and state trope. They win it every fucking year. They have leather boots like Nazis up to their knees and shit. They're really sharp-looking.

I used to speed just to see if I could see where they got their coats. I lived in Rhode Island for a few years, actually. Had a ton of customers there's selling steak and seafood. Then I did a little comedy on TV. They're like, hey, you fuck this with pork chops. It was like $28 up. Hey, I was a young kid.

How to make a living. That's Rodney Chapman. So he got canned today. He stepped down. They said, President Christina Paxon wrote in a Monday email to the Brown committee. Her messes also outlined three immediate actions. I love it. Can't you just tell it's a first thing they do is we're going to do an outline of what we're going to do.

It's so typical. Look at her, by the way. She looks like sting transitioning. Does she not? That sting transit. And look at him. He's ready to slap her fucking glasses off. She doesn't look very feminine.

She sounded like a woman. I got to give her that much. But again, and did you see the last picture? That was the mayor, by the way, the little glasses on. I still can't believe. I have to fucking see how he became mayor. The university is taking in the wake of the shooting. These are the steps.

The continuation of rapid response security. What do you mean the continuation? You didn't have any. The commissioning of an after-action review. It's what they do best. Put committees together. This is just D.C. on a micro level. And the initiation of a campus safety assessment.

How about this? I'm going to save you a ton of money. You hire, and believe me, there's ex-cops, ex-military, you hired about 50 of them. They all know how to use guns, and you pay them to sit at every, every door at every building. End of story.

Case close. It's that fucking easy. Not even every door. One per building. How about that? In case you guys get nervous about guns. End of story. Same with schools.

One guy. And you set it up, sort of like the airport. You have to get funneled down to security. Have that guy sitting there. Am I right? That would take about 80 bucks. And you pay the guy nice.

When I say nice, a little more than a greeter at wall. Mark. Paxson's email comes just after the U.S. Department of Education, that's the DEA, announced that the Office of Federal Student Aid is launching an investigation into the university secret. What's not going to do with student aid? University spokesman Brian Clark wrote in an email to the Herald that the initiatives, Paxton, announced in the Monday email, are separate from the federal investigation that's going on. In August, the Brown Police Sergeant's Union issued issued a unanimous vote of, this was in August, listen to this, of no confidence in this guy,

Rodney Chapman's leadership. This was in the summertime they did this. This was a tough call to make, huh? And in October, the Brown University Security Patrol Persons Association did the same thing. Apparently this guy stunk at his job. Yeah, but you can't fire a black fella. I'm summoning the story up for you, folks. It's been going on in this country last 40 years.

and it's why people are laughing at us for a while until Captain Orange showed up and said, wake up. I'm going to quote a very famous politician who's very, very eloquent. He said, eat shit. JD Vance, my hero.

Look at J.D. Van. He looks like a Civil War general. Doesn't he? He's got that beard that they all had. I don't know, man. He is destined. to be the fucking leader of the free world. Anyway, Hugh Clements, former chief of police

of the Providence Police Department, will be serving. Oh, you're going to actually get a real cop? Be serving as, I don't, look, Mr. Roddy Chatham here could have been a ex-military guy. I don't know. But apparently he's stuck. Be serving as interim vice president

for public safety and police chief in Chapman's place. Clement's role entails overseeing day-to-day operations of the Department of Public Safety. Paxson wrote. This includes the continued implementation of the university's rapid response enhanced safety. They keep mention rapid response and here you guys are a janitor was trying to tell you for a heck on month as it was a day. I guess you better you better fix that which include doubling the number of police. Ah, don't let

your people hear that in the faculty room that you're doubling the number of police they'll fucking start throwing shit at each other like wild monkeys and security personnel and increasing patrols from multiple law enforcement agencies. The university also plans to hire nothing but white cracker motherfuckers. Here's Tom of the Weather. Plans to install additional security cameras.

Good idea. And new blue light phones equipped with integrated cameras. They'll also be more panic alarms. I just told you what to do. I don't know, how many buildings? Fifteen on campus? I don't know. Whatever.

You sit one guy there with a gun, a gun, as in not concealed, taped to his chest, a couple on his head. There'll also be more panic alarms and duress systems installed with a focus on front-facing service areas. You don't need the panic alarms because chicks, when a guy walks into a classroom, a gun will be screaming. late night operation Paxson wrote in an email Additionally, the university will expedite its transition from a key-based building access to card base. Hold on a second.

When they say key, are they they're still using keys? Hey, this is University of Brown. People come from all over the world to go to Brown. And they're like, we're going to get rid of the clapper. I told you what to do.

Classroom and exam locations in courses at Brown and the classroom assignments webpage on the Office of the Registrar's website will now require Brown credentials for access. What the fuck are you? Are you writing a book?

Who the fuck are you? I'm just looking around. Just give it up a little. The homeless guy went up to him and said, you know, your car's parked down there. Why are you walking around here? And the guy goes, I don't know you from nobody. Why are you harassing me?

That's what the shooter said to the homeless guy. I know. There's a guy who drinks aquavela in the market. morning and he's got a shit in his pants and he's sharper than Chatham who went to the fucking Sears and Roebuck School of Security. Aye aye aye, aye. Let's move on to teach his pet and you know how I feel about these women sleeping with a young male but this kid was a kid kid, 11 years old but I still say it's nothing. You're with me, Del? No. He's all sensitive now because he's got a kid about 11. Bullshit. Fucking good for him. Guys

The kids get hair on his chest. A newly engaged elementary school teacher who confessed to making out, I agree. Obviously, she's in the wrong. I'm not saying. That is no doubt about it, Dallas. But I'm saying it's not going to affect him in the long run. No. Of course that's wrong.

No note. With an 11-year-old boy, but the kid was handsome, ass like a neckdrene cock like a fucking. That's what she said. Don't take my word for it. When 11-year-old boy in her classroom broke down in tears as she was. sentence to six years in the prison. Again, if she was a black woman, she'd do about a week.

Just half of what prosecutors had wanted. Holy Christ. They really wanted to fry this bitch. That's her. Upset. This woman's 26. Dallas pointed to the Zeltma. I go, Dallas, you get the wrong picture. She's 106.

This broad's 26. I guarantee you she was diddled by an uncle or something. And probably has a drug and alcohol problem aged her. She's 20 fucking... Anyways, Madison Bergman, now 26. Now 20. She was younger than that.

So leave her alone. She was 25. 14-year different. Was a fifth grade teacher, I guess she was, at Rivercrest Elementary Touched My Pee School in Hudson, Wisconsin, until a student's father discovered 35,000... 35,000... For that alone, you should do

at least four years for being that chatty. Kids trying to do his homework. 35,000 text message she shared with his son over just three months. And you girls don't like the chat, in which she gushed about how much she loved them touching and making out. You make me weep. I want to cry. Cop searched her classroom and found a folder with the victim's name on it containing handwritten love notes covered in D and A.

No, discussing how much they kissed. Jesus, my pee-pies getting inverted, just listened to this. That's boring. Let's check out Ms. Bergman and how she handled her six-year sentence. I want to make it absolutely clear that I take full accountability for every boundary that was crossed. Oh, that's big of you. Your family has been able to begin to heal and find some peace in your lives again. The family's like, we're fine.

I know the journey will be long for your family as well as my. Lay it on thick, honey. You're still going. You're going to the big house. You ever watch women's prisons. They get along great. I've watched that show. You know, out of the name of equity, of course,

you know, the show, what's the prison show I always watched? Lockup. They did a female version. Nobody's got no ratings. You guys just can't do anything right. I mean, you do it right. That's why it's not exciting.

What am I saying? And they showed like, what's a woman's prison ones? They're sitting around playing cards and talking about men and shit. Yeah, exactly. That's me. Cut to the male one, some guys being cornholed over at a loomit of getting a shiv made out of a toothbrush stuck in his ass. I'm laughing. It's a great show.

Bergman, who had been just months from getting married, pleaded guilty last year to one count of child enticement and two counts of sexual misconduct with a giant. shrub by school staff. She started crying as soon as she entered court because she realized that's what women do when they want to get out of trouble. And she tried it. And the judge said, fucking crocodile tears. She entered court for sentencing her fight where prosecutors were pushing for 12 years.

That's a little much. The now ex-teacher pushed to get just a one-year sentence, that's too little, despite fully owning up to her perverted behavior, which court documents show involve multiple encounters inside her classroom during lunch or after school. The boy's dad told the court how disturbing the texts he found were. My teeth hurt. They all feel false. When I review the text, too, this is the dad, it's very deliberate.

Talking about touching his leg, talking to my 11-year-old son about her period, talking about his erect. Take this thought. I'm getting hard. I'm having flashbacks when I was a Cub Scout, and we went to Lake Winipasaki. I went on a jet ski with a trooper. to me it's very disturbing stuff the dad said which it is Bergman pleaded guilty and a plea deal that saw several other charges

dropped including first degree sexual assault of a child using a computer to facilitate a child sex crime exposing a child to harmful descriptions she did all that though didn't she and additional counts of sexual misconduct by school staff and child enticement perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you and having a man's voice once done with her six

years in prison, she will be drafted by the NFL's Arizona Cardinals. They're looking for a, she will get another six years of extended supervision with no contact with minors without approval, mandatory registration as a sex offender and restricted internet and social. How do you, well, I guess you'd monitor her the way they do criminals and shit. So look for her to be cutting her ankle bracelet off in about a year from now. and heading to the baby gap. Let's move on, shall we, kids? I better slow down.

I'm ripping through this shit. You know, it is, Dallas. It's a good point. It's Christmas. It's Kwanza. You know, we're inclusive here. Happy Rama Damascon and Yama Yama Yaka-Kapur. And anybody, I forget anybody.

Let's do sports. Shark won. Swim club, nothing. It was a shutout. A woman who went missing while swimming on Sunday may have encountered a shark off the California coast. The unidentified 55-year-old swimmer was reported missing off Lover's Point in Pacific Grove. Apparently you'll love his spat, I'm guessing. At around noontime, the U.S. Coast Guard said, in a joint statement with the sites of Pacific Grove and Monterey,

the cities of Pacific Grove in Monterey. That's in Northern California beautiful area. Very beautiful up there. Look at it. There's Quint on the orker looking for the bitch. Two witnesses told authorities that the woman may have come in contact with a shark. When they asked why, they said, well, she's missing both arms and she was screaming like a bat. No.

The Pacific Grove Police Department told CBS News that the incident was being treated as a possible shark attack. What the fuck else would you treat it like? Shoplifting? Huh? What is it? A B and E? Aren't they beautiful? Aren't they?

I mean, the color, the, let them be, man. We, they did this great. That's a dinosaur you're looking. And still puts the fear in you. I'll tell you, Jaws, and I say this every time we talk about sharks, I was 13 years old when that fucker came out. I was reading the book that summer

and staying where they shot some of the movie. Martha's Vineyard my cousin's uncle and I wouldn't go in the water for the first couple days and every, it was a lot of people that wouldn't I mean adults and shit, it was hilarious and then I'd be at the beach all day

where they shot it and his uncle my uncle was pointing out where they and then I go back tonight and read the fuck it was just it was a Jaws weekend and then I was dittled and nobody said anything we had a swim club that does a weekly swim out out here off Love's Point

Brian Anderson, a commander with the Pacific Grove Police Department said. They immediately called all the swimmers in, and there was one bitch who was just stubborn. No, there was one swimmer who hasn't reported back. That's almost funny, the way he described it. One of them was missing, you know. Bye, bye. Let's take a look at the videotape. We don't have her getting eaten.

Oh, we do. Go ahead. You're that clever shark, aren't you? Candy gram candy gram my foot you get out of here before I call the police you're the shark and you know it I'm only a dolphin ma'am

a dolphin well okay remember they did like Jaws 3 it was almost that ridiculous sharks were going to hotels and chasing people down it was fucking brilliant that was S&L folks when the movie was out.

Everybody was talking about Jaws and shit, and it was so goddamn funny. Coast Guard, Petty Officer. And again, I have to Google why they call him Petty. Is he just cheap? I never understood. What does Petty mean? Nobody knows. Dallas doesn't know. He's a military. Nobody knows. I asked a petty officer.

He goes, I have no idea. Christopher Sappy. Recalled one person's shark sighting to San Francisco Gate. It's a paper. It's a website. The person, who reported the shark sighting claimed, listen to this, this isn't too good.

They saw a shark breach the water with what appeared to be a human body in its mouth. Why can't I see shit like that? Never. You know, I hung around. When I was in L.A., I hung around, what's a place in Sand Egg?

Ocean World hoping to see one of those trainers getting eaten. It always happens. Yeah. Do you remember the one? That orca thing? Grabbed the guy. And went under water.

Did he die? One of them got drowned. I know that. Imagine that being drowned by a whale? I had a similar experience in college. I was with this fat chick from Lewiston, and she rolled over in the middle of the night on me. And yeah, mouth to mouth, somebody had to give me.

Then they witnessed the sharks submerged below the waterline without resurfacing. And like I said, by, bye, the Coast Guard said that it couldn't confirm that the kids. case is correlated with a report of a witnessed shock attack due to insufficient evidence. I don't know nothing about that. Well, you had eyewitness, probably lying, just want to go on local news. A search effort was launched by 8 p.m. Sunday. Every time I hear that, I think, the movie, not airplane.

What's the other one when OJ's in? Oh, yeah, naked gun. And OJ's in the hospital all wrapped up. And Nielsen's talking to his wife and said, we will not rest until we find this guy. Okay, let's get lunch. It's my favorite fucking line in a movie ever. Quis only delivered the way he could deliver.

Sir Shephyr was launched by 8 p.m. Sunday, the woman was still missing. Husband said, I'm fine. No, the Coast Guard said. Efforts were expected to resume on Monday morning. What do you take the weekend? We'll get to her. a beach advisory will remain in place for El Samar State Beach

Monterey Municipal Beach Del Monte Beach have you ever gone there there's nothing but peas and corn in the water it's fucking gross and Monterey State Beach through Tuesday so you might want to stay away from the or you go there because it sounds like it's a happening

beach to me who don't want to see that I used to have the Tonight Show thing Oh, you know why? I can't play it because, you know, it's copyrighted. Next show's about Johnny Carson. Paul Anker, if you don't know who he is, wrote the Tonight Show theme. I want you to think about this. He got paid every time they played it.

He got paid every time they played it. And he had hit songs like Having My Baby. And he was big in the 70s. Vegas guy, white suit, clean, as far as, you know, very family, whatever. Anyways, cut to a few years. let's say 1990. I'm only I'm still an open micah basically.

I have a buddy that works at the Cape Cod Melody tent. I don't have a buddy. My buddy guy I met at you Maine had a relative work in there. My buddy tells him, hey, you need a comedian for Paul Anker. Get my buddy Nick DePaula. At that point, I'm a little rough.

Language is even worse than it is now. But I go down at to open for Paul Anchor. Mr. Vegas white suit having my baby. And I get there and they give me about a 10 minute lecture about no cursing, but Paul's very, blah, blah, blah. I get out there and I've told this story before, but it might be my best comedy story. First of all, the theater is in the round. That means it's a round theater and it's rotating, which I've never, right away, I'm going, what the fuck? How about this? How about that? They don't even mention that to me until I get on it. till I get on it

and I'm like how you guys what the fuck? People start That's what I was getting to I've told this story I put my water down behind me but I put it on something stationary that wasn't part of the stage

so I'm doing my bit and that's the only laughs I got I said what the hell people you know and I got to reach my water and it's not there and I look and I see it going by me 180 degrees

I'm going by It's standing still, but I'm insane. My mouth is dry. Now I'm bombing. And I'm not kidding you. When I got there, in the parking lot, parking, I'm watching, I'm not even making this up. I saw at least three people with oxygen tanks. I didn't see anybody under fucking 70.

And I'm a pretty raw comic at this point. So I'm eating a big shit bone. So finally I had a bit about Depends. wouldn't you know that killed and prone juice and something but I said shit think about my mouth I said shit once

and he was fuming they told me when I got off but I'm gonna say no at that point I'm making like $50 a show and they what did I get paid $2,500 to 15 minutes or some shit like that how funny is that though

my mouth is dry I need the water and I'm 180 degrees from it Anyway, that was a somehow that was a Tonight Show story. Oh, Paul Anka, he wrote the theme. Johnny Carson's time as the host of NBC's Tonight Show is memorialized in a new book. It's called Love Johnny Carson, and it mentions all the people he banned from the show. I might read this thing.

When author Mark Malkoff spoke with Peter Lassali, Carson's producer for 22 years, Malkoff confirmed the infamous Tonight Show band list existed. He added that to his knowledge. There was never a physical list. Although Buddy Hackett and Bert Reynolds said they saw the actual physical list. Anyways, here are all the big names supposedly banned from the show because Johnny didn't like him. And this one surprised the shit out of me, considering how it ended. Jay Leno.

Jay Leno made his Tonight Show debut in March of 1977. I remember he had like a green corduroy suit on. How you going, Big Black? I go, he sounds like me. He was, you know, grew up near me. In March of 1977, it was a smash hit so much so that he soon became a regular on the show. You can Google these sets, too. It's so fun to watch.

Things went wrong, however, after his fifth appearance in February of 1978, I have my take on this, too, by the way. When the audience laughs were so light that Johnny decided never to invite him. back. I'm not buying that. I'm buying. Johnny was no dummy. Johnny saw was threatened. I got to believe that. Jay just does not bomb. And especially if you're doing your fifth tonight show that quickly. I just don't believe that. The Tonight Show stand-up talent scout Jim McCauley. That's how old I am. I met this guy in New York. A catch. I'll be dead soon. Wrote. in his unpublished book that producers were told by Carson not to invite Leno back. Malkoff wrote that McCauley, the guy who booked the comedians, tried to fight for Jay.

But producer Peter Lassali shut him down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Johnny just doesn't like him. Even the excuse sounds flimsy to me. All of a sudden, Johnny just doesn't like him after having him back. Excuse me. He doesn't like his jokes, Peter Malkoff wrote. That's not going to change.

Once he doesn't like somebody, he doesn't start liking them later. That just doesn't fly to me with the evidence you presented. Leno eventually returned to the show later going on to host the tonight. Gee, who won that argument? For a combined 22 years, first from 92 to 2009. And then remember, they gave him the boot. He came back because Conan fell on his face. And I love Conan, too, by the way, but it wasn't right, them.

2010 to 2014. Kiss my ass. Jay said. do you realize Jay was number one when they fired him for Conan? He was still number one in the ratings. And I had a big beef. All the comedians were taking Conan's side

because Jay, you know, Jay's the middle of the row. He's a tonight show, but, blah, blah, everybody's taking Conan. And I love Conan. They're both Boston guys. They're both nice guy. But I'm saying I was the only guy. Me and one other comic were defending Jay. Everybody was calling him a bully and shit.

I go, he's a bully. And I said that some of the comics at the, table. If you were the tonight show host and your ratings, you're beating your competition, and they can you anyways, you'd go, all right, it's my, get the fuck out of here. So Jay stuck around in the background.

He appeared on other shows and shit. Jay was no fool. And he had a woman manager, this tough Jew bride, I forget her name, she's dead now, who got him the tonight. Do you understand this guy? You can argue, and Jerry, probably Jerry

Seimbel, obviously, Jay as far as a stand-up had the greatest the greatest career ever he kicked Johnny Carson out of his seat I just it's incredible and then I'm reading comments people shitting on them that don't know comedy

y'all should shut up Ellen DeGeneres made history as the first so here's another one Ellen get booted I hated him too look at the little elf Ellen DeGeneres made history as the first ever

female comedian and like somebody said, show me a funny female comedian. I'll show you a guy. Not necessarily true, by the way. Bonnie McFarlane, Rich Foss's wife is his fucking killer. Roseanne Barr is funny. There's a lot of, you know, funny. Brett Butler.

That's it. None of them. Rest after that. The new ones. Committee to be called over to the couch by Carson. She was called over. The first female comedian to be called her by the couch. That was a big thing that tonight show you did your set.

you'd look over at Johnny. If he said, come sit down. You had it made. That was like a huge deal. Stephen Wright got the couple other guys. Anyways, she made a first appearance in November of 86. That's good. She'll be dead soon.

She returned to the show two more times before upsetting Carson and effectively getting banned for the rest of his tenure as host. According to the show's publicist, Charlie Barrett, Carson told DeGeneres not to make a certain joke during her third appearance in May of 87, But the comedian, what did we say yesterday about telling comedians not to do something? Do you understand? Even on the Tonight Show, it's huge back then.

This changed people career. I want to parents, and you'd be selling out for a couple of years. So I have to give it to Ellen, again, because she has balls literally. Am I right? Balls on this prick. So she did the joke anyways. Barrett was there in the green room after the show when Jim McCauley chastise Ellen in front of everyone. pointing at her saying, you carpet, munching pig,

let me tell you something. You'll never. It's like when John Biner was listening to Ed Sullivan chew out Jackie Mason. Supposedly Jackie Mason gave Ed Sullivan the finger during his sick. And John Biner was a really funny comedian. He was an impressionist, and he was always on the odd couple. He did cameos.

But he said he was, and he did the great Ed Sullivan. That's what he was known for. So he used to tell that story. He was outside the dressing room listening to Ed Sullivan after the show chewing Jackie Mason out. You Jew cocksucker. You'll never work this town again, you little

cock sucking Jew. Anyways, Barrett recalled Ellen looking embarrassed. Jim made Ellen and her guest leave saying you won't be back again soon. I wonder how that felt.

The generous was effectively banned from the show as she didn't return until 89 when Jay Leno was guest hosting. We got something in common there. Johnny got turned on it. Remember that? You still munching copper thing? You're munching a carpet, are you?

Oh, boy, let me tell you. Bill Shatner. What's that? As you wear a denim. Oh, you're a bastard. You don't have to say shit like that. William Shatt... I know.

At least that I don't do the Canadian tuxedo thing. Jay's got a one-piece denim suit. Jay Leno's guest hosting. William Shatner was not ass bad. Act. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Durn Carson. Jay Leno, that was the last sentence of the other story. Bill Shatner was not asked back. After he broke three Tonight Show unwritten rules in 1983,

becoming a persona non-grada. The Star Trek actor was unaware of the unwritten rules for guests appearing on the talk show and accidentally, excuse me, accidentally broke the three. According to the book, Shatner made the mistake of one, speaking monotonously for four minutes straight without letting Carson it to Jack. And I believe that because Shattner had quite the ego too. And he was huge star.

Second, he turned his back on his host to talk to Buddy Hackett. I always saw that and wondered, even to me it looked wrong, to talk to, they weren't doing it to. But still, you turn you back to Johnny. Yeah. Second, he turned his back on his host to talk to Buddy Hackett. He didn't putty job here on. Two guys walking to a bar. Buddy Hack, it was so goddamn funny.

Third, he disregarded the Tonight Show rule that it was okay to mention your non-NBC TV series, but not the network it aired on. So you can mention the show name, but not that. Shattner mentioned the show, his series, he was always on to his third hit series. T.J. Hooker. He was a cop. I remember that one. And, you know, I remember about T.J. Hooker?

they show in the opening, T.J. Hook, they show a criminal running down a street, and I think it was Shatner, or somebody throws a nightstick, and it trips the guy like 50 feet. How stupid. Anyways, he mentioned T.J. Hooker. Then he mentioned it was on ABC. The word was muted for air.

While Shatner would come back to the show as a guest, it was only with guest hosts, including Leno and Patrick Duffy. Pat Duffy hosted the night show. All the girls love him. Shatner evidently didn't understand why he wasn't asked back, according to the book. He said, I don't understand. He later told USA Today that Carson would,

I can't believe he used this. I take credit for this. Well, I learned it up at you, Maine, when I was playing football. Now remember, folks, I'm talking in the 80s. Carson would get a hate on. I had never heard that before I got up there would get a hate on

I brought it to the public that's how old I am get a hate on for people and decided they would not come back to the show other big names that were booted or Carl Sagan he was an astrophysicist whatever the fuck they call it

and he was on all the time by the way Dana Carvey I didn't have time to go into all the stories so I'm going to buy the boy Steve Allen Jerry Lewis these are huge Dana Carg's a sweet guy

but Steve Allen had a Steve Allen started the show Jerry Lewis actually I read did a ton of fill-ins for Carson as well Oh absolutely He guests hosted 80-something times Jerry was huge

I got a good Jerry Lewis store that I probably already told and Orson Wells but Jerry Lewis is his arrogant and you know Bigger Eagles you love him Orson Wells too He was a pompous ass

and Steve Allen was. So those sort of makes sense. And Johnny, and let me tell you something, I know Randy Credico of this comedian, a real left wing. I've mentioned him before on the show. He's so left wing. When I first moved to New York to do comedy,

his head shot at Catch Rising Star was him giving a speech in Nicaragua with two like Sandin' and Easter's next. That was his headshot. And he would do such inside political shit that the crowd had no idea what he was talking about. but he was really, to this day, funny.

He attacked me on Facebook out of the blue a couple of years ago because I'm a right winger and he's a fucking Marxist, you know. I had him on my radio show New York. He's fucking nuts. Anyways, he did the Tonight Show and he did a great Johnny Carson impression. They told him not to do it on the show. He did it during the audition. And he did it on the show.

On his first set, it was never asked. So, yeah, I mean, it's showbiz, egos, all that horseshit. Hey, if you have someone that's hard to shop for, you know what you do, don't get them anything. Go, you know what, you're difficult. So my fault were born with no collarbones, what am I supposed to get you? A condom for a hat? If you have someone that's hard to shop for, you can send them a personal holiday video from me. Go to shout, go to cameo.com.

I'll do a little roast or whatever. say hi, happy birthday, make some jokes. Or go to shoutout.us. Now I got one, I hope you're watching, fella, you watch a show. I got one on shoutout.us asking me to, like, give this woman a pep talk, his wife or whatever. It was real serious in tone, but he didn't tell me, like, what was wrong with her. There wasn't enough there. So I'm still mulling it over, guy.

If you haven't, don't get nervous. I haven't done it yet. I just know, I don't know what you want. for me, you know. There wasn't enough detail, but anyways, I don't know why I'm mentioning that on the show. And don't forget to go to nickdip.com by December 24th. I told you that three fucking seconds ago. Uh, and 20% off everything if you're a cheap prick. Get your mother a hoodie and cut off the sleeves and say, you're a Bill Belichick look alike, you pig. Uh, that's it, boys and girls. Uh, thank you so much. Now a word for my friends in Battle Creek,

the Kellogg's people. Uh, that's it. Uh, that's it for a Tuesday. I got to make my picks. I had 10 right. It's embarrassing. You guys think that I'll say a very... Back on January 5th. It's got over. That is it. Wait a minute. Back on January. We're back tomorrow. Is today Wednesday?

We're not working tomorrow? This should be on. These guys all know the schedule I don't. I thought we were working right up to Wednesday. That's great. That's great news. You show up here. Yeah, you should have said nothing. I would have called you.

Where the fuck are you? Oh, my God. I didn't know that. Okay. That's it. Don't forget, boys and girls. That's it until January 5th, we'll be back. All right?

So I know you'll miss me. I'll miss you. Maybe I'll do some puppetry. Maybe I'll do some video. No, I won't. You know me. Very lazy. Yeah, January 5th, we'll be back with a whole bunch of news shows.

you guys think and I'll say you're very welcome see you on January 5th. Have a great Christmas, Kwanza, Ramadamaskani, and Yom Kipalining and all those other things. Okay, we'll see you then.

Take care. Hi, good night, everybody.