The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hillary The Dishonest Douche | Nick Di Paolo Show #663

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

Hillary non-responsive. Adams calls coverage racist. Chili fun. Cartel cannibalism. Applebee's cleaver job. Disney cat fight.

I am so sick and tired of the liberal agenda that is destroying our country from our schools to our workplaces to our media. It's literally everywhere. Well, everywhere maybe, but not this show. Never. Here you get the truth, unfiltered and unapologetic. I don't care if I hurt feelings or if I take a position that isn't agreeable or if I step on somebody's toes, I call them the way I see them and I put it out there for free. To keep this show free, I need your help. Please go to nickdip.com and make a contribution or even better, subscribe at thecomicsgym.com or on Patreon today and get an extra encore show each day. Discounts on merchandise and a whole lot more. Thank you guys so much for watching, sharing, and contributing

to the best show, in my opinion, on the internet and the most honest. You guys make it happen. We are here today to organize a protest to reinstate the mask mandate. It's kind of surprising. She's four mandates. Looks like she'd be into girl dates. Do you know what I'm saying? guitar solo Hey, hey, hey, yeah.

How are you, folks? Welcome to the big show on a Wednesday. It's already Wednesday. It's a beautiful thing when you're working four days a week. And pimping out your wife the other three. Now, let me tell you something. Look at here down here in the South. What is going on?

Oh, the world's coming apart at the seams. You hear that? You guys hear that? Do you hear that? I left the fucking stove on. I'm sure the wife has it. Oh, that's right. She's having her nails done.

Ah, whatever. I get insurance. Have you heard of Geico? Ah! That hurt. Anyway, that's my patriot ring a guy gave me in Pennsylvania. Anyways, how are you kids? I'm dressed like a dyke with a necktie

Anyways, like there's any other kind I got nothing really I got nothing to say Stayed up till fucking, what, 2.30? Again Just And I'm up at 8.30 And I feel like shit

And I gotta stop it Let's go Let's get on with the fucking show, shall we? and I'm up at 8.30 and I feel like shit and I gotta stop it. Let's get on with the fucking show, shall we? Oh, in the N-word segment tonight, Jen Psaki is blaming Trump on all these hate crimes against Asians in all these cities, rapes, murders, blaming Donald Trump because he called the virus the China virus.

Yeah, Trump's about as responsible for those hate crimes against Asians as Yoko was for the Beatles' success. The Olive Garden is for the popularity of Italian food. And Johnny Ware, the figure skater, is for toxic masculinity. Shut up, Red. You Red. Oh, my God. Still blaming Trump. Has nothing to do with putting thugs back on the street three minutes later.

I can't take it anymore. Somebody bite her pink nipples. All right, let's move on, shall we? Oh, I can't take it. I can't. They live in a fantasy world. It's insulting. Not that they're just lying to us, but it's insulting that they think we buy this shit.

It's disgusting. I wonder if she goes home and goes, I can't believe they're making me say this. Well, she's a true believer. Oh, I can't believe they're making me say this. Oh, she's a true believer. Oh, I can't. I just, I'm going to call her tonight. Listen, Jen, Nick DiPaolo. Jesus Christ, don't ever go to the podium without makeup again. Half my family was puking in the kitchen. This is how old and horny I am. I'd still bang that. I don't know why.

I pretend she was Lucille Ball in her 30s. And I'm Fred Mertz. I was reading an article about William Frawley, the guy that played Fred Mertz. Just a nasty alcoholic. He called Vivian Vance a cunt a couple times. You know what I'm talking about? I keep thinking Dallas is my fucking Fred Mertz.

He's a nasty drunk, and they said he hated women. Well, all I do is have to get the alcohol part done, and I'll be there. Let's move on. Hillary the hag. Will she go away? Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton refused to answer questions get out that is way too flattering a picture Dallas dude come on there's a million ugly ones of her we're not here to fucking make her even look human refused to answer questions as to whether or not her presidential campaign spied on former president.

We don't need to hear it from her. We know. Everything that Trump said they did to him has been coming true. Why would this be? So anyways, this is Hillary being asked by a daily reporter in New York City about these allegations. Go ahead. Hillary, Laura Collins Daily Mail.

Did you pay to spy on the Trump campaign? What are you going to comment on the spying allegations, Hillary? Did you pay for having spied on? She's, Hillary said. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer. Oh, great reporting. If that was Trump or somebody from his administration,

they'd go right in the elevator with him. You know? So, of course, she said nothing and waved like the creature. Why would she? That was Trump with somebody from his administration. They go right in the elevator with him. So, of course, she said nothing and waved like the creature. Why would she? I guarantee she sleeps like a baby at night because apparently she's protected. Protected her whole life. Look at that claw. Clinton declined to – what's that suit made of? Looks like she's been saving up walnuts her whole life out of her

fucking bill's ass clinton declined to answer both questions as she simply waved at the reporter while continuing to walk inside a building you fucking whore yeah that's it go home get my dinner ready that's bill clinton's lack of comment comes after special counsel boy Johnny Durham, who looks like the poster boy again. Oh, we got a cartoon one of him. I like how his mustache is dark in the cartoon. He's a German U-boat guy. John Durham, February 11th filing, alleging that lawyers from Hillary Clinton presidential campaign in 2016 had paid to infiltrate servers belonging to Trump Tower and later the White House in order to establish an inference

and narrative to bring federal government agencies linking Donald Trump to Russia, as we covered yesterday. But now she's just walking around. So you want us to believe we've been calling her a liar for, what, three decades now? And we're wrong every time. Only this time it's not us. It's John Durham who did like a three-year investigation. So fuck you.

And she probably won't go to jail. I don't know. Not funny, you cackling bat. She's evil. She's evil. Remember Dallas, like my father said. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Talking about my mother after she made this bad suck. How do I do it, folks? How do I do it, folks? Crybaby mayor.

New York, honest to God, I have about as much respect for this new mayor as I do de Blasio. Why? Because he's pulling his, oh, I'm black, and the reporters don't know how to report on me because they're white. They don't have the same reality.

That fucking thing, oh, you're such an enigma, black people. You're such an enigma. You're such a riddle. You're so hard to figure out. Oh, you're, is that how it works? So now the press has to look exactly like the people they're reporting on. Do you understand how ignorant that is? This is your mayor, New York. You deserve what the fuck you get. By the way, you know what? You didn't even vote for him. Nobody voted for this. Nobody voted for fucking, what's his name? Biden. God, it's contagious. Nobody voted for, nobody's voted for anybody. I'm done voting, by the way. So I'm done. I don't believe in any of it. Everybody's appointed. It's a big play.

The Rockefellers and the DuPonts, whoever runs the planet, started this big script 20 years ago. What am I saying? 60 years ago. And they're following it. Everybody has their role, including me, even though I'm on the extra in the movie. Getting paid

sag minimum. I'm just saying I'm so jaded, man. I don't know that I'll ever vote again. Anyways, crybaby Mayor Eric Adams, the New York City mayor, lashed out at the news media because when black people see more than five white people on behalf of the legislature. After his trip to meet with lawmakers in Albany and suggested that coverage of him is distorted because he's a black man. Oh, for you.

Oh, my God. Do you ever, do you know how much hate he has? He has no business being the mayor. Anybody who starts something called 100 law enforcement, black law enforcement, whatever, 100 men in black law, whatever the fuck it was called. I don't know, the Detroit Pistons, whatever they called it. You know what I mean? He's just got race on his mind like every black, just obsessed with it. Let's listen to that. He dresses nice, I'll give him that much. Probably a good dude to hang out with, but you just hate Whitey. Go ahead. I'm a black man, that's the mayor. That's the mayor.

But my story has been interpreted by people that don't look like me. Pause, you can't use the word interpreted if you can't say it. It's been erpinterpreted. Just like February's Black History Month. Go ahead. We gotta be honest about that.

How many blacks are in the editorial boards? How many blacks are determined how stories are being written? Well, they got to learn to read and write first. Hey, where are the white women at? Being written. How many Asians? We talked about No. 91. Who has it?

How many East Indians? But you don't have opening? No. I've said before,ification in the newsrooms? What an ignorant, what does that even mean, you dumb fuck? Do you understand you live in a white country predominantly? You fucking ass. Jesus, New York. How did Giuliani ever get in there? That must have been an accident. That's like me going, what's the, you know, going over to Africa, going to Nigeria,

going to a sport event. What, what, what? The crowd's all black. What's with this shit? Everybody on TV be black. Oh, my God. So according to that mentality, which has been driven into his head,

he ain't that old. He's been brainwashed by this shit too. The people reporting on him have to have his life experiences or they're interpreting it. That's not how life works, you jerk off. We sort of have a commonality as far as, yeah, we have different experiences, but not to the point where we can't understand you.

Oh, my fucking aching stem. Adams continued, my role as mayor is being interpreted through the prism of your realities and not mine. So when you write stories, you're not writing stories for people who are almost homeless like me. You're not writing stories for people who are almost homeless like me. You're not writing stories for people who are arrested and beat up by police officers. Again, painting all blacks as victims.

You're not writing stories for those who are dealing with high crime. You're not writing them for guys who average triple doubles in the first three games this year. You're writing them from your prism, he says. Will you shut up? Oh, God. Will you please shut up? Will you shut up?

Shut up! Shut up! Adams said he was not saying this to attack, but Mr. Adams, I want to picture you being a white mayor and the press being black and saying that. Or not even being black. A white mayor going, you guys just, I see a couple Asians and Indians. You're not interpreting the white.

Just think about that. Not saying this to attack, but his administration is going to be about saying the obvious, that other people are uncomfortable with saying, you made it uncomfortable. We don't know what we can say anymore. People that think like you made it uncomfortable. Stupid. Discomfort is growth. Especially if it's a boil on your ass.

Especially if it's a boil on your ass. Adams then called on the owners of media companies to diversify their newsrooms. Wow. People are being murdered in New York, raped, crimes out of control, murders up 40%, and this motherfucker's worried about how... Why are you in Lurie Lightfoot? Why do you do what she does and not talk to white reporters? You're just racist. Turns out black people are the most racist people on the fucking planet.

I've been saying it my whole life. Black friends of mine will admit it. They said it in a poll in the New York Post 15 years ago when I lived in New York, which made me laugh my ass off. Black people said, we haven't heard that honesty since because the white-libbed media buries it. Diversify your newsroom so I can look out and see people that look like me and say, if you want to do that, go to the fucking church's chicken on Sunday. Nick, that's horrible. I know. Suck it. And say we are going to write stories based on the prisms that we have, Adam said.

That's not what we're getting, and that's why I'm covered the way I'm covered. Oh, my God. And I'm not comfortable with it. Bitch. Oh, God. Couldn't... I would love if

white media had that kind of freedom. I'm so tired of covering black crime. They won't even let us tell you when it's a black perp because they know that you know. There's the honesty. You want to solve race relations and make tensions go down? It's going to have to get to that level of honesty.

Let white people talk like that. Or you're never going to, you know, let's have a dialogue. You're going to lecture us like you did the last 30 years? I can't take it. It almost makes me very hungry. Speaking of hungry, as you know, I make my Super Bowl chili every year. I wanted to show this on Monday, but Dallas is taking salsa classes with his wife, Gianna, on Monday nights, Tuesday nights, whatever the fuck. Anyways,

Super Bowl chili. You guys, last year, I got bombarded with emails about, you know, what the recipe is. I got it off, you know, whatever the Food Network or shit, but I think it was called Devin's Award-winning chili, and it won a thing in Texas. So I made, I threw together a little video. Now let's take a look at a few minutes. We'll go back and forth to it. Here's me being an asshole on Super Bowl, the day before the Super Bowl. Do this. Welcome to Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Today I'm making my world famous Super Bowl

chili. Put on some makeup, asshole. It starts with five pounds of beef brisket. Sound like a dyke. Then you cut it into one inch cubes. Oh, that makes me hard just looking at it. You're going to need a Dramamine when you watch this.

Here's what five pounds of beef brisket looks like when you're done cutting it up into one inch cubes. What you want to do next is you pat it dry with paper towels because... When you're cooking meat, you always want to make sure the meat is dry otherwise the moisture gives off steam and it turns gray and it looks like your grandmother's bug and nobody wants to eat that anymore next you take your oil it calls for olive oil but that has a low smoking point, so go with vegetable oil. It won't burn. A quarter cup out of a thick-bottomed pot. Then you dry off the chunks of meat and brown them in batches. There's your earl. It's a quarter cup. This is a story about a man named Jed. Poor Martin, he nearly kept his family fed. Didn't one day, he was shooting at some, you know what?

Mama. There you go. That pan's hotter than my sister's ass. Hit the pan. Oh, boy. By the way, salt and pepper the meat generously before you put it into hot oil. And then let it get going and flip it around with a wooden spoon until it's brown on all sides, probably about five minutes.

No, more like eight to ten. You have to press it. And oh yeah, don't try to move the meat until it's in there for a few minutes because it sticks to the bottom of the pan, but it will release itself once one side is browned it releases itself protein otherwise you try to move it and you're gonna fucking shred the meat all over the place that's technical cook jargon all right it should look kind of dark like that like this is beautiful it's like cicely tyson this part is very important that's what i was told by a homeless guy what time to uh brown the chopped onions i had my uh

sous chef timmy cut them for me and uh here you go you brown them in that oil that you brown the meat in, obviously. That's where all the flavor is. Scrape up all that poo-poo on the bottom of the pan. Holy Christ. Looks like John Travolta in that dance scene. You know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about on that one, Dallas?

Saturday Night Fever? I thought that was hilarious. We'll come back to that, right? Dallas is doing a nice job today. He's teasing you with this. We'll come back and show you how to finish it. Oh, it's terrific, but yum, yum. Stuff is delish. Bon appetit. But I got to be honest with you, a little after effects the day after Super Bowl. That was my wife after two tablespoons. But, you know. Delicious.

Thank you. Thank you. Anyways, we'll come back to the finished product. Well, finish this thing. Who feels like Mexican tonight is the headline. Hey, it goes right with the cooking thing. Mexican drug cartel recruits are being trained in cannibalism at barbaric terrorist school. What the fuck? Rolling

a head onto a dance floor like they've been doing for years apparently is passe. According to a new report. Oh my god, more food. Bon appetit. I like the nice racist cartoon. The gruesome practice exposed in a viral video that surfaced last month is the latest tactic

in a violent turf war between two of Mexico's most brutal cartels, a sort of Olympics of cruelty and sadism, the Daily Beast reported. I've been there, and there was a lot of cannibalism, a member of the Jalisco New Generation cartel told the outlet. They recruit them, and then they start working on them. First they teach them how to cut people, said the man who spoke on the conditions that he remained anonymous. They start by learning how to sever extremities. He said the recruits are then forced to eat their victim.

He said the recruits are then forced to eat their victim. That's all right if your victim is, you know, Megan Fox. Starting with severed fingers. I guess that's like an appetizer. They are given a choice of one of those pieces to eat in front of the boss, the man said. You have to do it without reaction or vomiting or you are beaten. If you don't want to eat human flesh, they wouldn't let you leave. The revelation comes in the midst of a turf war between the Jalisco crew and the Sinaloa cartel, formerly run by jailed drug

campaigner Joaquin El Chapo Guzman. Mike Vigil, the DEA's former head of international operations, said that cannibalism is drilled into recruits at several narco training sites in Mexico to turn them into emotionless killing machines. motionless killing machines. The only way out there is feet first, Vigil told the Bee. If terror recruits, school recruits,

show fear or commit errors or infractions, they instantly become the victims of the other trainees who dismember and decapitate them and eat their flesh. Well that's not too much pressure. What the f- Those who survived the grotesque initiation ritual are indoctrinated into the cartel after a graduation party that includes drugs and- they- drugs and prostitutes? That's illegal. They know what they're doing. Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid, they said in English. Once a group of new recruits have graduated from training, that is, they have hunted down, killed, skinned, cooked, and then eaten their assigned victim, they cannot go back to traditional Mexican society, said security analyst Robert Bunker, they have forever been changed.

Their souls are, in a sense, been darkened in the process. Having survived this brutal trial by fire, they will not hesitate to carry out future cartel orders, no matter how barbaric those may be. He said the video of one cartel member's battlefield cannibalism, which went viral, how do I miss this shit, after it surfaced last month, is now part of the arsenal of the brutal narcos.

Boy, is this planet getting any sicker? Do you guys believe in true evil? You have to. I mean, you've seen Hillary talk. Anyways, this is making me hungry, all this talk of cannibalism. Let's go back to the chili video shall we hey cheese dicks welcome back let's take a look what we get going here

there's your two cups of browned onions six cloves of garlic and i cook the garlic another minute or two get some color on it then you add four tablespoons of chili powder calls for two I go with four couple tablespoons of cumin and something else that I can't remember right now anyhow cayenne pepper if you want make it as hot as you want I added a half a red chili pepper which is very hot hi hi I'll be back in a second. I got to eat. I don't put too many onions, Pauly. I put two onions.

I don't put too many. We baseball battered those fucks. Good. They deserve it. Here's our two green bell peppers going next after the chili powder. This is four tablespoons, two tablespoons of cumin. I'll show you my real chopping. Then this is four tablespoons two tablespoons of cumin i'll show you my real chopping uh then this is the two peppers going next i can't remember what else i uh joe biden i approve this recipe check out my knife skills

how about it and then this one i was with the cartel How about it? And then this one, that was with the cartel. Ah, my thumb! What, you guys wanted to see that again? Circumcision. Nice. Next, you saute those chopped bell peppers two of them for a couple minutes real quick There they are in the pot

Then you add six cups of chopped tomato with their juices. I use two whole 28 ounce cans of peeled Pomodoro and yeah, well you can break them up with your hands or put them in a food processor real quick. Add six cups of tomatoes to that. What else? And then you add the reserved meat, which we keep at the fed.

All right, here's the chopped tomatoes in. I didn't use a food processor. I broke them up with my hand. I didn't feel like dirty in the food processor. You know, I'm not going to clean it. My maid's not here, Conchita. She's got, I don't know, the variant of some kind, Omicron. I don't know. Yellow fever.

Whatever they have in those places. Time to add the goodness. The brisket. Going to add that to that. Bring it to a boil. Let's check it out. I'm going to drop the phone in here. Oh, did you see that juice from the meat?

Goodness gracious. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Look at that. Plant-scented fucking... I haven't moved my bowels since I ate it. You're gonna live a week longer than me. Mayor Adams is spending it. Taking a big runny dump.

Congratulations. Look. Look at the chunks chunks beef brisket looks like the sink at Planned Parenthood no form else chili out of a can I'm saying you'd find this at George Lopez's grandmother's house I think I need to find her there she She probably passed away. But you know what I'm talking about. So you bring this to a boil and turn it down to like low and simmer for two and a half hours. By the way, I added a tablespoon of salt and black pepper on top of the red chili pepper that's already in there. So turn it down, simmer it with the lid on for two and a half hours. already in there so turn it down simmer it with the lid on for two and a half hours and then you add a half a cup of strong black coffee that's right strong black coffee and then put the lid on cook it for another hour and then add the kidney beans i use two to three cans 15 ounce kidney beans you put those in

and just warm them through and then you're ready to go rinse the beans a couple days ahead of time because as you know everything tastes better like two days later after like all the flavors have melted Julia Child told me that we're at the drive-in making out in a VW bus. What? Yeah, she was 81 and I was in high school. We're going to come back to that, right? And finish it up?

Well done there, Dallas. Does that say La Dia? Oh. La Dia. Oh, God help me. It doesn't say La Dia. It says, uh, whatever. What the fuck is wrong with me? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What the fuck's the matter with you? Not that it's my mother's name, Jimmy. What's the matter with you? You fat fuck, you'd order a sign.

There's something bad in the neighborhood. That sounds like an Applebee's thing. King County prosecutors say a man, that would be in Washington State. I know that. I played up there. Said a man tried to attack a Bellevue restaurant worker with a meat cleaver after being asked, is there any place where violence isn't going on? Huh? There's my barber every time I come in. After being asked how to show proof of a COVID-19, he had to prove he didn't have COVID-19 at an Applebee's. What are you kidding me? The germs in the fucking appetizer will kill that. Investigators

say Michael Dousa, 58, lunged at Applebee's bartender with a meat cleaver after, hmm, something good in the neighborhood. Yes, a killer. After he was asked to leave the Bellevue restaurant when he couldn't provide proof of vaccination. They gave him the hee-haw. All right, get up. Yeah.

All right, Alan. All right. All right. Yeah, shut it. Detectives say when Dousa got outside the restaurant, he was yelling and waving the knife around. And when the bartender asked him to leave, police say Dousa went after him

with a raised cleaver over his head. Luckily, the worker shut the door before the guy could get in. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. Had a fucking apples, bees.

Imagine what goes on at a Red Lobster on a Thursday night in Detroit. I don't think that violence is ever the answer. Here's some dummy that was just there, I guess, a witness. Listen to this stupid Captain Obvious. I don't think violence is ever the answer, said Levi Hudson, who was going to Applebee's, so you know he's bright. I don't think you should be violent because I think that is one of the most ridiculous things

you can do. What was a fucking, what are you, a Gandhi's fucking great-great-grandson walk? You're not helping people by being violent. Yeah, tell that to the fucking, tell that to the Jews when we liberated fucking Auschwitz, you dummy. What are you talking about? It's the American way. Shooting, stabbings at Applebee's, TGI Fridays, fucking Arby's. Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up. Yeah, you should have, you mama Luke. Anyways, let's go back to the great Super Bowl chili recipe and wrap it up for you kids so you can enjoy it the next time I'd say the Browns are in the Super Bowl. Two. Pause, pause, pause. This is me what I did for two and a half hours while the chili

was... this is a game that somebody gave me. This is a toilet game. You'll see what happens. It's just terrific. Ooh! I've been doing this for two and a half hours. Let's go see what's up with the chili. I told you, there was that white stuff, did I tell you?

Okay, it's been two and a half hours, I'm going to add a half a cup of strong black coffee. I look like I weigh 320. All right. Stir that in. That's great, the black coffee. Can you get in? Look at that.

Look at that. Look at, folks, look at that look at folks look at that anyways put the lid back on simmer for another hour then take your three cans of beans drain them kidney beans i use three you can use two whatever put them in there and just warm it through and you're done again i made a couple days in advance it's much better now i gotta turn my back on you Oh that guy's terrific Anyways that's it Serve it with sour cream You know shredded

You know what Sharp cheddar Whatever Dallas came over With Gianna Oh my god it was so good And Dallas Let me tell you

Dallas a Texas dude Ella he knows his chili and he fucking loved it really is it's a killer recipe some broad named Devin Devin I give you credit don't come calling after me saying I'm stealing you shit I got it off barefoot contestant this is fucking years ago that has to be good chili because it won best chili in Stockholm, Sweden. Let's move on, shall we? No, no, no, no! In our FLA segment tonight, Sister Smackdown.

A Jerry Springer-style brawl broke out at Disney World between a pair of drunken, naked sisters. Why am I never seeing shit like this? It's always two chubby, colored girls culminating in the dual tussling in the bushes after one slipped. Get this. After one of the sisters slipped on the other's vomit. You can't make it up. You can't. Oh my God. The ill-fated evening started out with sisters who were tourists from New Jersey, grabbing dinner at Disney Springs at a steakhouse and then hitting an Irish pub where I'm sure some guys

bought them a bunch of shots. That's what you want to do. Have a nice heavy meal, pour some alcohol on it, then go on those rides. That ought to work out. They didn't even do that. They made their own rides, according to recently detailed Florida papers. When the sisters, ages 29 and 31, I want to know what they looked like, were ready to go back to their hotel off the resort property,

their phone died, and a Disney security guard helped them call an Uber. The Uber driver refused to take them, saying they were way too drunk. So the security guard called the taxi. While they were waiting, the pair began to argue who had a bigger dick. Goofy? Anyways, the older sister called the youngest sister a bad mom. Uh-oh. Oh my God. And slapped her. Holy shit. And it's on. Your mom's a whore? Your mom's a whore? And it's on.

Your mom's a whore? Your mom's a whore? And slapped her, according to court papers. In return, the youngest sister allegedly threatened to punch her. Well, of course she did. Police from the Orlando County Sheriff's Office arrived at around 12.40 a.m. to find the youngest sister screaming and crying near Cirque du Soleil, steps from the watermelon and mango parking lots. What the fuck?

What kind of racist shit is up in that? She was stripped down to only her underwear, has to be fat and ugly, I wouldn't be saying that, and sandals. After attempting to calm the situation, the security manager said one female slapped the other one in the face. Anyways, at that point, both females began punching, slapping, and pulling each other's hair. I'm getting hard just seeing this. And again, both of them could hear me saying,

your mom's a whore. Your mom's a whore. Yeah, but your mom's my mom. The security manager pulled the two drunk women apart, but in true trashy reality show fashion, they rushed at each other again. Once separated, both sisters ran at each other, slipped in the youngest sister's vomit, then fell into the bushes while still fighting. According to the security guard, the youngest sister ran a few feet away

and took off her dress, exposing her breasts, said the cop. Shortly after, they began to punch each other. I would pay to see this. Both women were arrested for misdemeanor domestic violence, battery disorder, and intoxication. The state's attorney's office declined to pursue criminal charges. Each of the sisters, who didn't sustain any injuries, also requested the other not be prosecuted. What's stupid about that is they didn't even make it

like a viral video and shit. You know that's why they did it. Why do I get a feeling they were smoking hot and were missing out? Look at this jerk off. Disney Springs. Hello, I'm with Walt Disney World Research. May I ask you about your Disney Springs. Hello, I'm with Walt Disney

World Research. May I ask you about your Disney Springs? Yes, it was great. My 12-year-old son got to see Shrub for the first time and naked tatties and a cat bite. It was terrific. All right.

That was it. That is it for today. So try that chili recipe, folks. I'm telling you, you're going to be... Dallas actually took some home. Unbelievably. He said he didn't make it home. That is it. What do I want to say?

Again, I'm sick of... Thecomicsgym.com. Why do I have to tell you? It's on the screen. You're watching it. Spread the word, will you? I don't want this thing to blow up. I'm fucking 60.

I don't have time to be fiddling around. Nickdip.com. Click on the tour dates to find out if I'm coming to a town near you. Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, I'll make a video on my phone. Go to Cameo.com. Click on my profile. I have two waiting, by the way. That's almost seven bucks for me.

Apple, they come in on a lot of, don't do it on Apple, whatever. It comes through Apple platform, they get 55%. Fucking motherless fucks. Well, that's better than fuck it, I'd rather nothing. It's insulting. Excuse me. Okay, enough of the filthy talk. I don't smoke anymore. I have one in the morning, maybe one in the afternoon, not always, and one at night.

The Bob Seger cigarette, I call it. And night moves. The last day, the day's last cigaretteondering what she said. And what she said was, you have a lump on your left chest muscle. You're gone. Are you guys thinking I'll say it? You're very welcome. We'll see you back here for the

final day of the week tomorrow. Have a great day everybody. guitar solo Outro Music I'm out.