The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hillary's Hypocrisy Hilarious | Nick DiPaolo Show #342

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

Hillary's back, and she's as horrible as ever. What happened to Kim Jong Un? And Trump flips script on media again.

Hi guys, Tina Louise here. That's right, you remember me from Gilligan's Island. I look different now, I'm transitioning. Look, political correctness is trying to stifle guys like me. I explain to my friends, you know, I hear black and brown comedians and women complaining about political correctness. I go, what are you talking about? It was invented to protect you. It's to shut people up like me, straight white male Christians.

And I've had enough, especially as a comedian. I get, you know, I get blackballed on fucking Twitter. They shadow ban me. Google will take down certain shows. You know the story. That's why we created this show right here, the Nick DiPaolo podcast, Monday through Thursday. And we just went free, meaning we're trying to grow the show. And the only way you can do it is with your support, with daily contributions at nickdip.com. You can also sign up at patreon.com, become a monthly supporter. And if you do that, you're going to get an extra story every day nobody gets. You can ask me questions, and you'll have access to over 300 shows that we've done previously. We can't thank you enough for your support. There's very few places we can talk like

this, and the truth is right-wingers are funnier than anybody. Why? Because we have truth on our side. Two types of people in this world, politically correct people and people who are for the truth. So let's have a sense of humor about it, and we can only do this show with your help so I can't thank you enough now I want you all to enjoy the show so enjoy Thank you. Thank you, Diana, you motherfucker!

Stay with me! He's gone! He's gone. He's gone. Nothing we can do about it. He's gone. He's gone. And we couldn't do nothing about it. Maybe if I tickle him. Welcome to the show, folks. How are you? Great to be with you on a, uh, what is it?

Uh, Wednesday. Unbelievable. Almost to the end of the week here. Hold on. Let me get my shit straight. It's why I don't work with fucking props. Real pain in the balls. Ah, yes, uh, Kim Jong-un. Nobody knows. We think he's gone.

I was watching a press conference, and a lady asked Donald Trump about it. She said, on Saturday, Kim Jong-un said, and he goes, no, he didn't. He didn't say that on Saturday. So he sort of blew his hand. Then he goes, I don't know. I know, but I can't tell you. So I don't know. How are you, folks?

Corona-free, are you? Have you had enough of the lockdown? The more shit we hear about it, the more is this was overkill by about 1,000, ruining the economy for almost nothing, depending what you want to believe. But we all jumped onto Fauci's bandwagon like he was the fucking genius. And we showed some doctors yesterday on the show that say otherwise, who actually see patients and all that stuff. But let's get to the, by the way, Jason is filling in. Raz is filling under the weather.

Jason was the original producer on this show, helped us get this thing off the ground. I was doing it from my house in New York. And you should thank him. If you like the show, this guy was a big part of it. And he's around. He's here in my hometown when we need him. Unemployed, no doubt about it. Chase, what's the job situation?

Pretty fucking terrible. Yeah? I know. I mean, it's not like you can go get a bartending job or whatever. I heard South Magazine's got an opening. All righty, let's get, all right, let's go with Kim Jong-un before we get to the goddamn coronavirus. It's killing everything, including my show. Enough of this silliness. I'm going to get a fucking haircut.

Look at this mop. Oh, by the way, I started watching a new series on Netflix. Not new. They started doing it in 2014, but it's new to me. Gamora. About an Italian mob, mafia family in the suburbs of Naples and his drugs and killing and, oh my goodness.

I can tell it's good. You know, I know Colin Quinn told me. He knows a good script when he sees one let's get the Kim Jong-un you know he was five five three hundred pounds I knew he's a fat buck but holy moly adding to the rumor mill surrounding Kim Jong-un a five-minute video made to look like a news report, has emerged in North Korea claiming the country's leader dropped dead during an inspection. Heart attack, baby. I've never had pains like this before. Oh, this is the worst one I ever had, son.

Oh, it's the worst one. This is a big one. I'm dying. Authorities in Hermit Kingdom, Hermit Kingdom? What the fuck is that? Have set up a task force to investigate how the footage made it inside the country. The faux news report, which was marked up to appear like a real one from state broadcaster Korean Central TV, is believed to have made it over the secretive country's border from China,

according to the news. What the fuck? I kill you. I kill you right now. Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Look at somebody. Look at somebody.

It claimed 36. Kim, 36 years old, died Saturday and will be replaced by his 32-year-old sister, Kim Jong. Yo, Jong, what up? Yo! They're not going to have a broad run the country. Not in Korea. Who has been reported to be his most likely successor. Though the despot's uncle, Kim Pyong II, also has emerged

as a possibility. He's got only very few relatives because every time they fuck up, he kills them. Included in the video are clips from his father, Kim Jong-il's 2011 funeral, as well as screenshots of non-existent articles about the despot's alleged death, according to South Korea-based Daily NK. So we don't know what to believe. Boy, they have a lot of trouble with the truth over there. I mean, I know our government lies too, but Jesus, at least they do it subtly. These people just...

The video circulation throughout North Korea comes after a viral doctored photograph appeared to show Kim lying in a coffin, an apparently doctored version of an image of his dad. Can you stay categorical? You are fake news. Sir, sir, the task is monitoring everyone who has made international calls or sent text messages. With the investigation intensifying, anyone who's been making calls to China for business reasons has been lying low.

Yeah, you don't want to piss them off. I don't know nothing about that. So we still don't know. It's just ironic that he was the fattest fuck in the country. He's been starving his country for years in this tub of lard. He was ordering. He was getting shit flown to him from deep dish pizza in Chicago to fucking Big Macs and the finest

whiskey and all that horse shit. Never touched a piece of sushi, ironically. Well, Nick, that's Japanese. Yeah, but we like to blend them in. It pisses off the lips. I said that on Glenn Beck. We had Kim Jong-un's mask.

And he goes, we're talking about the coronavirus. I go, I know. He's close enough for my fans. We like to lump them in. It really pisses off the lefties. Anyways, the only person more horrible than him would probably be Hillary fucking Clinton. She's back in the news making her play.

She endorsed Joe Biden. Yes, this is, you know know it would have been bad enough just her endorsing him you know what she's doing don't you she's ready to make a play this fat fuck is going to jump in on the ticket and break both her thick ankles hopefully former secretary of state hillary i'm a lying cocksucker clinton said tuesday that the coronavirus pandemic would be a terrible crisis to waste by not creating universal health care. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! Believe she said that?

You know, Rahm Emanuel came up with that thing during the 2008 financial crisis. He came up with the phrase. They're all using it now. crisis. He came up with the phrase. They're all using it now. Clinton, the Democrat Party nominee in 2016 presidential election, was speaking to former Vice President Joe Biden in a virtual woman's town hall meeting. I guess Joe was craving sniffing some skulls. During which she endorsed him for president. Here's the video of this ugly stinker. Every form of health care should continue to be available. Oh, this is the health care thing. That's all right. Including reproductive health care

for every woman in this country. And then it needs to be part of a much larger system that eventually and quickly, I hope, gets us to universal health care. So I can only say amen to everything you're saying but also to again

enlist people that this would be a terrible crisis to waste as you need to shut the fuck up this would be a terrible crisis crisis to uh not take advantage what the fuck are they shameless people people have died what almost, almost 60,000 people? But we've got to exploit this situation so we can get what we want politically. Shameless. Fucking shameless. Ugh, she makes me fucking physically ill. Yeah, the old saying, which Clinton referred to, came about from, you know who, Rahm Emanuel in December of 2008, when he told the Wall Street Journal, you never want a serious crisis to go to waste.

At least he's being honest. Now they're all parodying him. Emanuel specifically noted that health care was one policy area that the Obama administration hoped to use the opportunity of the financial crisis then in full swing to address. Just over a year later, President Obama signed the Obamacare into fucking law. And how did that go? Democrats have repeatedly suggested using the coronavirus crisis to advance specific ideological ends. House Majority Whip Rep. James Clyburn, the old black dude from South Carolina, a key Biden supporter, reportedly told fellow House Democrats during a conference call, what do you mean reportedly? We played it on the show, on their first coronavirus relief bill in March,

this is a tremendous opportunity to restructure things to fit our vision. Oh, that dirty cogsucker. Are they shameless? I mean, Jesus Christ, are they shameless? But keep voting for him. You guys don't get it. You just hate Trump that much. Well, he's a dummy. He's orange. He can't speak. Democrat, as the guy that used to call my show on Satellite Radio say, he referred to them as the, something as the fucking organized crime, otherwise known as the Democrat. Just disgusting. Disgusting playing political games during a pandemic. And I got to say, and again, Trump, he said he was not going to do those press briefings.

And again, he's out there yapping, hurting himself. But I got to say, right, the model said 2 million people would have died if we did nothing or whatever. That still might be a little high. But, you know, if we keep it to around 60,000 in a country of 335 million, that ain't bad. So Hillary's out there. She's endorsing shithead Biden who can't even, again, can't even get a full sentence out without fucking up.

This is so interesting. This is going to be the most interesting election ever if we ever have it. I just can't believe she's out there defending this guy. So anyways, former Vice President Biden with Hillary Clinton hosted a virtual town hall yesterday focused on the effects of the coronavirus pandemic on women. Can you break everything into gender? They talk about dividing the country. They say that's what the Republicans do. That's all you guys do is traffic and identity politics.

How the coronavirus affects women. I'm sure the same way it affects men. They might not get any pain in the testicles, although it is women who vote Democrat. They probably do. Give me a fucking break. How it affects women. We get to break it down to gender. Pretty sure your lungs fill up with custard it is women who vote Democrat. They probably do. Give me a fucking break. How it affects women.

We get to break it down to gender. Pretty sure your lungs fill up with custard and you choke to death. Whether you got tits or not. Oh my God. They never let it go. How the effects of coronavirus pandemic on women, but made no mention of recent sexual assault allegations leveled against Biden. Do you believe that?

They're not, they didn't mention that. They're raping me. This is rape. This is rape. This is rape. Come on. I heard you like me, man.

That's what he said after he digitally penetrated this woman, allegedly. What a fucking idiot. What are we doing? What's going on right now? Biden has faced mounting pressure

to address sexual assault claims. Yeah, mounting pressure from Fox News, nobody else. Mainstream media is not touching it with a 10-foot pole. Once again, showing they're just fucking crazy bias. He's faced mounting pressure to address sexual assault claims made by former staffer Tara Reid after more of her confidants have recently been reported to have corroborated her story.

I think we have a video here of the town hall. So I want to add my voice to the many who have endorsed you to be our president. Just think of what a difference it would make. This is make right now if we had a president who not only listened to the science, put facts over fiction,

but brought us together. He's not listening to the science. He does briefings every day with the whole medical staff. And he does listen to them. Fucking, do you think people are buying any of this shit? Meanwhile, the guy next to you hasn't said shit throughout this. And when he's tried to, he starts babbling. People can see that he's not fit to be,

but you keep going, Hillary. Go ahead. Showed the kind of compassion and caring that we need from our president. Pause. Compassion, you know, pinning a girl up against the wall when he was younger, finger popping her. Stuff like that. This is, go ahead. Joe Biden has been exemplifying throughout his entire life. His entire life. His entire life. She's saying this as we're talking about a sexual, you know, molestation of a staffer.

She's saying it right in the middle of this story. God fucking help us. Imagine having a town hall in front of women and none of it gets addressed. Biden also called for immediate economic relief to survivors, adding, again, this is back to the health care. No one should stay with their abusers. Oh, no, it's the sexual thing. No one should stay with their abusers because they don't have the resources to leave.

During the Women's Forum, Biden also accepted endorsement from Clinton, which we just showed you. And you remember Hillary was out there, right? She was in the front lines against Kavanaugh in 2018 when that lying piece of shit, Christine Blasey Ford, came out. And the big difference between her and this Tara Reade is Tara Reade can tell you when it happened, where it happened, what the date was. As opposed to Christine Blasey Ford, who brought friends forward who said, we weren't there that night. We don't know. And yet Hillary's out there acting like, yeah, her and Biden, fucking. Look, we all know guys, especially politicians. They all fuck their secretaries and have affairs and shit.

But when you're running for president, we're going to shine a light on it. Remember fucking Trump saying he liked to grab pussies? Still didn't start from becoming president. So that's why they were out there with it. Just think of what a difference it would make right now if she said, if we had a president who put fact over, she's just fucking disgusting. I can't take it.

She's a little whore and a little piece of trash. Oh, let's not go too far. Biden later said he wished the town hall forum was being used for my supporting your reelection, Hillary, for president of the United States. We'd have the pandemic, but you'd have already been prepared for it. No, she wouldn't have. You know how wrong that is? Do you know how wrong that is? She wouldn't have stopped the flights from China back in January because she would have been called a racist by all her followers and supporters.

Because she would have been called a racist by all her followers and supporters. Would be knee deep in dead bodies if she was the president or any fucking damn at that point. Because the worst thing that could happen to you, you can be called a racist. I'll tell you one thing. She said, Hillary says, I'll tell you one thing. I would have read my intelligence briefings sounding the alarm in January. Ooh, nice Monday morning quarterbacking, you fat fuck. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Are you fat, sneaky cunt?

Just cunt. Said Andrew, but he'll tell you you're a motherfucking cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt. Probably the type of shit that chased Glenn Beck away. Probably the type of shit that chased Glenn Beck away. Can't we have a little fun and talk like fucking men at a bar? That's what this show is. They're right out there having a fucking town hall with women as allegations are floating around fucking Joe C. Now Biden.

They don't bring it up. His integrity, he get caught plagiarizing twice. He's fucking, not to mention, putting his kid on the board in that company over there in China, whatever. And then him flying over there, fucking in Ukraine and trying to force the attorney general to be fired.

But he's a clean cut dude. Look at him. He's napping. That was while she was talking. He's fucked. His eyes aren't closed there. He's dreaming about sniffing his niece's head in panties. Okay, maybe I went a little too far.

But Hillary, just a fucking hypocrite. Here's a video of Hillary talking. It addresses survivors of sexual assault. Jason, you have that one? I want to send a message to every survivor of sexual assault. Don't let anyone silence your voice. You have a right to be heard, and you have a right to be believed. We're with you.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. That's the only one he didn't fuck Bill. Fucking Hillary. Unbelievable. You fucking hypocrite. Unbelievable. Go back and see what she did to Bill Clinton's accusers and how she trashed them. Trashed them on national TV. That's actually a good picture. I'd actually let her tickle my balls. Oh, she's a horrible person. So you know what? Tara Reid.

What time did we start? Any idea? Just tell me how. About 20 minutes ago. About 20 minutes ago. Tara Reid. She's a victim of Biden. Blast Hillary Clinton after Biden endorsement. She said, in quote, she's enabling a sexual predator. And she's exactly right. She's exactly goddamn right. I can't fucking. That's not working. Anyways, she said, this is Tara Reid right there. She was a cutie back in the 80s. Now she, well, whatever, Nick, don't be so shallow. But I can see why Biden tried to, but I'm not condoning, goes up onto her skirt and says,

hey, I heard you like me, man. What were you, in gym class? I heard you like me. You can laugh into the mic, Jason. It helps the show. I vote, fuck it, he's leaning back. I can't laugh at this one.

But this is Tara Reid talking. I voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016. Well, that was your first mistake. I voted for her in the primary. I'm a lifelong Democrat. But yet what I see now is someone enabling a sexual predator, and it was my former boss, Joe Biden, who raped me.

Now it's rape? Digital penetration? Is that rape? I don't know. If that's the case, I'm a fucking mass rapist. I mean, I did it consensually. Hillary Clinton has a history of enabling powerful men to cover up their sexual predatory behaviors

and their inappropriate sexual misconduct. We do not need that for this country, Tower Reed said. We do not need that for our new generation coming up that wants institutional rape culture to change. I don't think there's, let's not go too far. You want to see institutionalized rape? Go to the Middle East. Let's not fucking go too far. She added, I will not be smeared, dismissed, or ignored added i will not be smeared dismissed or ignore i will not be

ignored dan as glenn close said in basic instinct she says i stand in the truth and will keep speaking out well you go girl but do you believe the mainstream media just staying clear of this just the filthiest do you remember uh gillibrand what is it kirsten gillibrand you know the blonde hair blue eye ultra-left liberal up to opportunists from new york who thought she was going to be present and then her alarm clock went off she had to get up and go to work well she was out on the front lines during the hashtag me too movement. She was out there every day saying what horrible, you know, how horrible men are and blah, blah, blah. She led the charge, right? Do we ever picture her in Weinstein, James?

I think we do, right? She was out there. Yeah, she was out there. Hashtag me too. She was in the forefront. Meanwhile, she was sucking up to this guy for years. Jesus Christ, are they shameless. Here's a video of Gillibrand, who finally went away, but she's back.

I believe her. Her story is great. Pause. This is when the Kavanaugh hearings are going on, and she's defending Blasey Ford naturally because, you know. If you listen to everything about it, the fact that she told her therapist about it five years ago, a friend most recently, she told a reporter before Kavanaugh was even named to be a nominee. This is a woman who has endured trauma. And as experts have said, this is what trauma looks like.

It gets relived much later in time. A lot of you don't remember everything. You remember the most poignant moments. Pause. Oh, yeah? Tara Reid remembers everything. What Rome it was in, where, time of day, corroborated by her neighbor who's a democrat who says she hates

trump but she knows tara reed's not a lot fucking huh where have you been lately go ahead that are seared into your memory and have affected you your whole life i believe her she you fucking yeah that's it go home home. Get my dinner ready. Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut up? Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. Had the balls to show her face during the Blasey Ford thing after sucking up with this guy for years. Talk about an opportunist. She was the worst. Ay-yi-yi. I feel good about myself when I watch these people on both sides. But the left is way more... I don't know.

Because they've created these standards that they can't even uphold for themselves. You know what I mean? And all this shit comes back. And people still pull the lever. I say we all boycott the next election. What do you say? I don't know what to fucking... Jill O'Brien, what a waste of tits.

Oh! The University of Delaware refused yesterday to provide the Daily Caller News Foundation, that's the DCNF, with an agreement detailing why the university cannot release 2020 presidential candidate Joe Biden's Senate records. They won't release them, which is interesting. Maybe this has something to do with it. as biden faces increased scrutiny over allegations of sexual assault he's not they're not increasing there's one station who's covering this the way and it's fox news

uh increased scrutiny for allegations of sexual assault made against him by tarry pressure is mounting for the former vice president to unseal documents related to his time in the senate during which period reed alleges biden kissed her touched her penetrated her with his fingers without her consent and uh so they're not going to release this because i guess they signed an agreement when they handed over the papers that they can't release the stuff. But you can bet damn well sure it was a Republican run and they'd get their hands on it somehow. Wouldn't they? I think they would.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. About the thousand other fucking pigs you had your dick in over the years. The strippers, the cocktail waitresses. These Senate documents are housed by the University of Delaware

Library and cover a wide swath of Biden's political career, but are being kept secret until he retires from public life, which should be in about a couple months. He's not going to be the nominee. You're going to see. Maybe they'll... This is the plan, right? They're going to

keep him propped up until the election. Either throw Hillary on the ticket or somebody else. And then after, you know, they'll just say, you're nuts. You got to get out of there. He'll fake a heart attack or something. Anyways, so the school doesn't want to release this shit. But Tippett, who runs the Delaware fucking university, said she told the DCNF on Tuesday that the University of Delaware would not share terms of the agreement between the university and Biden, detailing why the Senate records may not be really. Why?

You can't even share the details of what you agreed to? That's kind of fishy don't you think so i think it is never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again the gift agreement signed when the papers were donated is not a public document tippet told the dcnf the collection of these documents fills 1875 boxes and includes 415 gigabytes. Even I know that's a ton of electronic records. Half those gigabytes of him going, where are we? What are we doing? Well, according to the Washington Post containing committee reports, drafts of legislation, it contains all this stuff.

Reid called on the former vp to release these senate documents in an exclusive interview with a dcnf joe biden i want you she said terry to release all the personnel records from 73 to 2009 and be transparent about your office practices reed told the dcnf i would like to hold you accountable for what happened to me to how your staff protected you and enabled you and bullied me many times what a dirty game huh it's almost as dirty as the podcast game i'll tell you i'm freaking i can't believe they're still talking about Biden as the... It's all a plan.

I got to know... Jason, who's going to be the... If Biden is the... Who's at the top of the ticket? Who's going to be the... Who do you think? I feel like they're going to try to sneak Kamala Harris in there somehow. Yeah, he mentioned that.

But why? She was a fucking abject failure during the debates. A girl, Tulsi Gabbard, took her apart with one shot. She never recovered from that. But yeah, you're right. Biden had mentioned that. But you still feel that way even with Hillary sniffing around now? Oh, God.

You know, it all doesn't matter because the Democrats are pushing for mail-in ballots and shit. That way they can steal the fucking election. And they have big tech on their side telling you what you can and can't say and mostly shutting down people like me. It's going to be a fucking mountain to climb. I don't know. Anyways, Trump's pissed. And, you know, he hates the fucking media. And you know what?

I love it. I don't think he's tortured the media enough. How about that? It's my favorite part of his whole administration, the way he treats them, because they're worse than he's treating them. How about that? He's been known to flip the bird. When we were doing the show, Jay, at my house,

I remember showing one of the first bills that Trump was signing, and he had his middle finger. I bet you Jim Acosta stuck his face in the room for five minutes. Anyways, there's a video going around of Trump during one of those briefings where they think he flipped the finger to somebody in the fucking media, and boy, did this make me laugh uh check this out keep your eye on trump's right ah do it again yeah fuck you fuck you you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! I like how all of a sudden he's like a 13-year-old supermodel. That's why people hate him, and I love him. He gets right down in the mud with these scumbags. I got to say, that's a deliberate fuck you to somebody in the room. And if it isn't, I'd be very disappointed in my president. That's what makes me a deplorable. Hey, guys, the team at thedonaldstuff.com are great supporters of the show, as you know. And over the weekend, they designed and put on sale new shirts as part of the Nick DiPaolo collection. We get all kinds of stuff.

That's me. Can't wait to see that at one of my shows so I can throw up on stage. Look at that. You know, this show is deporably funny, and the people who run this site love the show. So here's some more of their stuff. Make America Great Again Beach Towel, because people are flocking back to the beaches now.

There he is at a press conference telling Jim Acosta to go fuck his sister. And what else? And there's the best one. Uncle Sam Giancana. What else? And there's the best one. Uncle Sam Giancana. I'll tell you, never tell anybody outside the merchandise business what you're thinking.

I think the brain is going to stop from all the comedy you're playing with that young girl. Anyways, lots of great stuff at thedonaldstuff.com. Go there and check out all the gear. Remember, when you use the promo code Nick, you get 10% off everything on the website. Go to thedonaldstuff.com, pick up a shirt or mug or a hat, and support these guys. And we thank them very much for sponsoring the Nick DiPaolo Show. We appreciate it very much. Let's get back to COVID. Well, he has a little bit of positive stuff.

A little bit of positive news as far as COVID goes. An experimental coronavirus vaccine developed by Oxford University has protected six monkeys from heavy quantities of the pathogen. A promising breakthrough in the worldwide race for a cure. Boy, you don't want to be a fucking rhesus macabre monkey, do you? They just, hey, try this. Try, what a horrible, I just thought of a good idea for a movie or, it's from the point of view of a rhesus macabre monkey and what's done to him every day. What about it? Somebody's going to take that and run with it, Jason.

Watch. Researchers at the National Institute of Health Rocky Mountain Laboratory injected the six rhesus macabaw monkeys with Oxford concoction, then exposed them to heavy quantities of COVID-19 exposure that it consistently sickened the other monkeys in the lab. And they also gave the monkeys a McRib sandwich and that killed all of them. The coronavirus had no effect. The McRib just fucking killed them. But 28 days late, all the chimps were still healthy. How about that?

Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid. Those monkeys are happy. The rhesus macaque is pretty much the closest thing we have to humans. Dr. Vincent Monsterson. He was a distant relative of Herman. Lily, I'll stick a pathogen up a monkey's ass. No, no, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, stick a pathogen up a monkey's ass. No, no, no. Hmm.

Hmm. That's sort of her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, came in the, I'm home, everyone. One of my favorite shows ever. Anyways, I digress. Dr. Vincent Munster. The vaccine is now set to undergo human trials with test schedule for more than 6,000 people by the end of next month. If the trial proves safe and effective, the scientists are optimistic that with emergency approval from regulators, the first few million doses could be available by September when everybody's healthy and we forgot about this.

I still say it's going to dry up and float away one day. I'm being optimistic, and that is not my nature. Maybe it's just me going, God damn it, I got to do comedy in front of a live audience. My manager, Tommy, brought me this offer. They're trying to do stand-up online with no audience. And I told them I'd quit. I'll quit before I do something like that. Stand-up with no live audience.

Oh, yeah, let's start a band with no, we can't allow any instruments. It'll be excellent. The audience is our instrument. We play you like a fiddle. Oh, stand up online. Not even any money involved. Why would I even do that? Well, maybe no. No, I've worked too hard. If I want to get dead silence, I'll go to a real club. I don't need people to be booing me online. The British University has had a head start in trying to develop the coronavirus vaccine. The university's

Jenner Institute ran trials on an earliest strain of the virus last year, which proved harmless to humans. Another research company, Chinese-based Sinovac, is also making progress, however. Yeah, I bet you they had a head start on solving the coronavirus since they created it. Why would we trust them? Yeah, we get a vaccine, we all take it, and then we start dropping dead. I wouldn't take fucking baby aspirin from these slippery pricks. It's bad enough I eat their fucking carcass spaniel with white sauce. The company said its tests on a rhesus macaws also showed promise.

This is the Chinese company. And the company has recently started clinical trials with 144... They don't use monkeys. They just grab citizens off the street in communist China. Stick a needle in your ass and watch your phone from the mouth.

I kill you. I kill you now. I kill you. I kill you now. I kill you. Where are we? Did you see New York City yesterday?

Or whenever the fuck it was? Tuesday? Yeah, yesterday. A bunch of them came out. New York metro area blew off social distancing Tuesday. With hundreds packed shoulder to shoulder to catch a glimpse of the Blue Angels and Thunderbirds. As they roared overhead in a tribute to coronavirus frontline workers. Which is pretty cool. But the thing was, it just showed how inept Mayor,

and I'm with these people, okay? I've been on the fence about this coronavirus, but I've been following it pretty closely, and it's not as lethal as they say. It's just not. It's a really bad flu. Just like the really bad influenza kills all people, all people who aren't healthy. And we really, we almost destroyed this economy.

I want to get to the bottom of this. I'm telling you, Chuck Schumer and Pelosi's fingerprints are all over a microscope in Wuhan. Chuck doing this. I'm good you, Chuck Schumer and Pelosi's fingerprints are all over a microscope in Wuhan. Chuck doing this. Look at that fucking Trump. Anyways, yeah, photos from throughout the region show large crowds jammed together in waterfront parks and venues in New York, New Jersey, looking skyward for a glance at the famous jets. There was little local officials could do to stop them. It's just difficult, Weehawken, New Jersey Mayor Richard Turner told the Post when asked

about photos showing hundreds of his constituents tightly packed on the Hudson River waterfront. He said, you do the best you can, and you also have to rely on people's common sense. There's not much more you can do. And you know what? They are using their common sense, and they know you're overblowing this shit. Look at this little girl inhaling some nice Wuhan. She'll be fine.

Those are pretty impressive, those fuckers. Oh, man, they flew over. When I was visiting my family up in Massachusetts, I was sitting in family up in Massachusetts. I was sitting in the TV room. It's like a glassed-in room. One of these fuckers flew over our house. Dude, I literally got up.

I thought we were being attacked. It shook the whole house. It's a beautiful house. It's worth $11,500. Scared the shit out of me. Turner said said he had several streets closed off sent out telephone alerts to residents even had cops hand out 500 protective masks but none of the measures stopped residents from flocking to the waterfront um similar scenes were reported in the five boroughs where hundreds gathered to catch the high-flying spectacle in defiance of the coronavirus

social distancing rule the people are saying we've had a fuck enough i'm gonna go out look at the jets the only jets that work in the sing sing pating now i'm not worried about it arthur moss 41 said who caught the show with his friends at the gantee plaza state park in long Island City. If you're outside, you don't need to wear a mask. Actually, that's not true. Governor Cuomo said people should wear masks outside. But what are they going to do about it? One local who identified herself only as Margaret Ann said she tried social distancing, but found it nearly impossible. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you. What's that got to do with it? A germs preference? That's not nice talk.

Anyways, we try, but the piers are 10 feet wide. Same with the sidewalks, the 34-year-old mom said. When these many people come out at once, there really isn't much you can do. I love it. We're going to run to the government. Useless. The 40-minute joint flying demonstration by the Navy Angels and the U.S. Air Force T-Birds launched a nationwide display of airborne shout-outs to first responders and health care workers

with the jet teams taking to the skies above Manhattan, Long Island, and New Jersey, which is very, and you know what? They deserve it, a shout out. Fucking people walking into this shit right at the peak of it. My nieces both got it. My sister Darlene didn't test positive, but she's been feeling weird forever. Dubbed Operation American Strong, the 12-jet precision flying crew will put on shows all the way to Texas.

the 12 jet precision flying crew will put on shows all the way to Texas. So let's get a beat on how many people. Why wasn't there a drone like New Jersey uses measuring people's temperature and shit? We can look forward to that the rest of our lives. We've got to get a drone. What would I do with it? I'd call Anthony. Call me at first. Ant sees a couple broads

on a beach and he's sitting on his porch zooming in on their tits. Hey guys, I want to thank you for contributing to the show. Again, as you know, Monday through Thursday, you watch the show at nickdip.com, and you can contribute. It's keeping us up and going. I want to thank James Hodson of California, R. Randy Parks of Washington,

Edward Walker, Texas, Mike Altman, Indiana, Andrew Lodes, Washington, Anthony Renzi, Connecticut, Katie Colley of Michigan, Benjamin Dixon of Virginia, and Daniel Meadows of Texas. Also, Dustin Lowe, who signed up at Patreon. If you want to be a monthly supporter of the show, you sign up monthly, you get a extra story day nobody else gets. You get to ask me a question, access to all the shows that we've done previously. Thank you guys so much. I know things are tight out there. You're probably waiting for your checks from the government. They'll be here probably, I'd say, 2021, around June. But we can't thank you enough. And again, if you have a small business, if you have a business

period, you want to be a sponsor on the show, please go to nickdip.com. Talk to my manager, Tommy Estrella. He's 6'5", 350 pounds. Hands bigger than my head. Smart as a whip. Fucking love him. He's a bodyguard, a manager, an agent, a lover.

What? Who said that? What? Tommy, I love you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. My mother's ass. A heartless elder care worker, a black chick, I'll say it because they won't say it on the note. Well, they put the picture up. Swiped an 86-year-old white woman,

Denver woman's engagement ring and credit cards in the days before she died of the coronavirus. To be fair, everybody does this, but I'm just saying. You know how I know that? Remember when James Gandolfini died in Italy? The fucking Greasy Guineas took his watch off. They stole his watch while he was dead!

That's a reminder. I'm watching a new series. Did I mention this already on the show? Oh, Jesus. I took to Advil PM. I've been... It fucks me up for a day. I can't remember. Gamora. Anyways, Heart heartless. Yeah, she stole 86 year old dead woman's ring and credit cards.

That's we have a picture of her. Come on. That's a that's a horrible thing to do. Come on. You fat nasty black bitch. She's not fat. Do they vet these people? She was hired as like a temp to come into the, do you guys vet? Where'd you see her? Hanging out at a bus stop? I want to know her priors. She's

got a mask on. She's a good people. Her name is Elizabeth Daniels. She's 29. She allegedly pocketed Barbara Guss' $13,000 diamond ring, brought it into a pawn shop as the octogenarian suffered from the illness at the carry-on at Bellevue Station, retirement community. Daniels is also accused of making purchases with Guss' card on April 15th, the day the woman died. That's some pretty evil shit. We were unable to have any access to her for four weeks.

This is the family talk. And then we found out she had the virus, which is just heartbreaking, Gus's daughter-in-law said. Daniel should not have had access to vulnerable people at a time of crisis like this, where her own family couldn't even reach her. But a thief could. It wasn't until the family started making arrangements with the funeral home that they realized what had happened and reported it to the Denver Police Department. Detectives secured an arrest affidavit for Daniels that same day. Police recovered Gus' engagement ring from a pawn shop.

Daniels, the thief of Aurora, was charged April 22nd with theft from an at-risk person, identity theft, providing a false statement to a pawnbroker, and criminal possession of a financial transaction device. Daniels was hired as a

temporary worker. This should never be temporary when it comes to health care. Yeah. We got her. She was working at a fucking car wash in Seattle. She was hired as a temp worker. Through a temp age

because of the growing number of coronavirus cases at the facility. Nice going. What if that was your Grammy, Liz? What if that was your Grammy? Liz? What was that? Your Grammy. You wouldn't like it. I wonder what she bought. I hope it was makeup. Let's lighten it up a little before we go this one cracked me the fuck up

California, only Florida outdoes California for whacking you a Northern California City Planning Commissioner resigned yesterday following a video conference meeting in which he was seen throwing his cat and drinking what appeared to be

an alcoholic beverage. What's... Why is that a big deal? I don't know. Where was I? In a resignation letter sent to the city via email,

a copy of which was provided to CNN, Chris Platzer apologized for his behavior during the meeting. We are all living in uncertain times, he said, and uncertainly, like many of you, am adjusting to a new normalcy. Oh, is that how you adjust? I did not conduct myself in the Zoom meeting in a manner befitting of a planning commissioner and apologize for any harm I may have inflicted. Let's take a look at this, Mama Luke. First, I'd like to introduce my cat.

The city says it doesn't condone Commissioner Chris Platzer's behavior on the call. In addition to tossing his cat and the beer, Platatzer was seen and heard on the Zoom call for a proposed Vallejo Costco cursing and using derogatory phrases. Since the call, the city says the mayor and another council member have put on this coming Tuesday's city council agenda an item to remove Platzer from the commission. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that? It's not like he threw a, you know, a hamster or a rabbit. That cat, you can drop that from the Empire State Building. It's going to land on its feet, so. But it sure isn't a good look when you're a city commissioner. After the meeting, city officials call for Platts to be removed from his position, and the mayor asks the city council to consider his immediate

removal at its next meeting. Yeah, he don't look too crazy. Look at this fucking nut. Look at this psychotic, he's got Chuck Schumer's nose and mouth, Gillibrand's eyes, and the guy from Saving Private Ryan, the big German guy that they let go, get his hairdo.

Anyways, he gone now. In another moment of the meeting, Platzer, who was appointed to a seat in twenty six and he could be seen drinking what appeared to be a bottle of beer after the meeting ended and everyone else had left the call. Platzer could be heard saying, I'm going to call bullshit on you little bitches. Who's he talking to? His pet fucking rabbits? This guy's fucking nuts.

Finally, tonight, this guy cracked me up. My brother. Finally tonight, but this guy cracked me up. This is my brother. A Florida man allegedly tried to blame a weapons bust on John Wick, the legendary assassin played by Keanu Reeves in the, you know, the series, the movie franchise.

And he blamed it. John Wick. If you guys watch the John Wick. If you guys watch the John Wick movies, it's just an excuse to fucking watch people getting

shot up. It is so fucking great. I stumbled across it. I was in a hotel on the road somewhere

and I stopped and watched the first, I think I was three minutes into the movie and 400 people had died in

shootings like in a nightclub. He was having a shootout on a dance floor just mowing down in shootings like in a nightclub. He was having a shootout on a dance floor, just mowing down people. It's good American fun. Anyways, cops

confronted Getro Gellin, or Gellin, 27 at his Port St. Lucie home. I'm sure he's a Mets fan. After a woman told police he shoved her to the ground and threatened her with a firearm. It looks like Todd Bridges.

That's what Todd Bridges looks like now. The woman told authorities that Jelen may have stashed the weapon in his Porsche SUV. He's got a Porsche SUV? I'm sure he's a dentist. Cops searched the vehicle and found the Glock 21 pistol, a semi-automatic rifle, and a bulletproof vest. When cops asked Jelen to explain, he explained that the SUV wasn't even his anymore. He sold it to his cousin, John Wick.

That's John Wick before breakfast. He later admitted the John Wick reference was a lie but would not reveal his cousin's name. Jelen was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and domestic battery. He's being held in a county jail in lieu of $3,500. That's it? $3,500? He's probably have that on him. He's got a Porsche.

Anyways, folks, that is it for today. Again, if you'd like to contribute financially to the show we hope we're giving you a little relief for an hour a day nickdip.com go to that and also patriot.com if you want to sign up patreon.com if you want to sign up

to be a monthly supporter and also if you have a business and you'd like to sponsor the show you can get all this at nickadip.com. Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, I'll send a short video. I'll make on my phone. You tell me a little bit about the person, and I'll be glad to ruin their day or say happy birthday and be very nice.

It's such a terrific thing. Anyways, that is it. I want to thank Jason for doing a good job filling in at the last minute. Raz, I hope you feel better. You people stay safe, too. You think that I'll say it, you're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Bye-bye.

guitar solo guitar solo Bye.