The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hispanic Mass Shooter | Nick Di Paolo Show #1396

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the Allen shooting, Trumps/Biden's poll numbers and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. How was that? Low? Anyways, how are you, folks? Welcome to the show. I'm dressed in black for the death of America. Let's be honest. It's fucking over.

It's over, Johnny. It's not over! I'm doing Stallone's Ramble. You asked me. How did I ask you? Come back to the airport, people call us baby killers and all that vile crap. Stallone is Rambo. You asked me, I didn't ask you. Come back to the airport, people call us baby killers and all that vile crap. Johnny, it's over.

It is, though, folks. Do you read the headlines? Do you follow the news? I don't blame you if you don't. I would not blame you because it is, I just happen to be kind of a morbid person. I soak it in and I can't believe what we're witnessing oh yeah another mass shooting yeah these aren't intentional these aren't planned read up on your fucking MK ultra and that's not a diet drink is it I'm telling you you can't tell me this isn't oh there's a sudden uptick in mass shootings.

Somebody put up a great thing on the internet and said, how long are you going to keep us letting orchestrate these before we take your guns? I'm sorry, oh tinfoil hat, suck my ass tinfoil hat. Just a coincidence, we've had about 20 in the last two weeks. Whoever wants this country destroyed is destroying it, and they're doing it very effectively. You can radicalize people.

That's what the fucking CIA or counterintelligence, whoever, that's what they do. They know the weak people are. Like Dallas pointed out, you've got like two, three generations on Adderall hooked on drugs like that. Faces into their phones, turned into zombies.

Don't tell me they fucking don't know what they're doing. God, it's sickening. I didn't mean to go on a rant. This is supposed to be the light part of the show. How about the Red Sox? They won eight in a row.

Then they lost yesterday, but that's empty. Again, I told Dallas, Christ, was it after football season? I said, I'm not watching this. I got enough sports in my life. I said, it's not going to get better than 2004. Enough already. I'll go to the museum here in Savannah with my wife. Cut to me watching spring training game fuck it's 3-2 spring training look at all these guys I've never heard of and they're all we got a guy named Yoshida

apparently he led Japanese league in homers and he was only hitting like 220 up the first few weeks people go what did we do this is who we got guy that's got a 15 game hitting streak he's got a beautiful swing he's already figured out

because he's Japanese and black guy with dreads blonde dreads named Tapia I don't know where he came from streak. He's got a beautiful swing. He's already figured out because he's Japanese. And a black guy with dreads, blonde dreads named Tapia. I don't know where he came from. Skinny brother, runs like the wind. All lefties. We had two righties in the lineup yesterday. That's it. Crazy. And of course, Devis leads the league in RBIs and he's got like 11 homers already. What a freak of nature he is. Anyways, enough of that. Let's talk about, oh, I don't know, modern jazz. Wrong show. Me fuck you and your bone spurs.

Take it easy, Tyron. All right, I guess I killed enough time. These goddamn teeth. I told you guys, I had frigging, you know what? Asthma as a kid kid so I had to get shots in my arms for like two years when I was like six years old tetracycline turns your teeth gray you gotta stop blowing people did you hear Dallas analysis went yeah that reminds me this guy what should you call the group of dancers in a ballet? Silly savages.

You hear that jerk? Ha, ha, ha. That's Buddy Hackett trying to steal Paul Lynn's thunder. And you can tell, Paul Lynn. It's like, I'll fucking kill you. I might be a fag, but I'll rip your eyes out. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Some comics are just, okay, including myself.

Let's get to the goddamn show, shall we? I don't know. I have nothing to talk about. I had half of Mexico at my house all weekend laying beautiful. You know, the fucking from the sidewalk up to my front steps was cracked cement. You know, put all those red beautiful brick. I don't even know how to describe them. And we made a, anyways, it's terrific.

It makes a nice path for the criminals to come when the race war kicks off. I can't stop doing that. I'm getting shredded. I did work out. What do we have for him today, Bob? Dying here in Allentown. Oh, Nick. I don't know. And we're dying here in, it's not, it's a town called Allen, Texas. You guys heard about the mass

shooting. Suspect in Saturday's mass shooting in Allen, Texas has been identified, by the way, as Mauricio Garcia, 33 years old. There's the genius. Look at the Cleopatra haircut. old. There's the genius. Look at the Cleopatra haircut. A senior law enforcement source familiar with the investigation told CNN. In addition, I wonder how CNN described this guy. Like they described, I'll get to the homeless. I don't even know. It's not even on the list, but the homeless guy that got choked out by the Marine on the New York subway. You won't believe how they described the homeless guy. Just a strap hanger. Anyways, in addition to the AR-15 style weapon, make sure you get that in, found near him, Garcia had at least one other weapon on him, and it wasn't his brain. Good night, everybody.

When he was fatally shot in front of the mall. The sources said police also found multiple weapons in his car. The video is a little disturbing, but what do we... I can show this, right? First half of the show, it's just news. There's nowhere to be safe, folks. Again, and it's just my theory. Don't have to believe it. It's courtesy of your government, but let's just my theory. Don't have to believe it. It's courtesy of your government.

But let's take a look. What a fucking coward. Can you imagine that poor girl right there? Nine people, including a five-year-old. Why, you know? Luckily, a guy took him down, and there was a great shot of him laying in a puddle of his own blood. You know.

You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that? Really is. The police officer who took down the Alatex, a small gunman, made a panic call for backup, pleading for everybody. Now, wouldn't you? God bless him for running towards the fire, by the way. Once again, a good guy with a gun stops a scumbag. And by the way, I don't know if you've noticed, every crime I read right now,

not every, but it seems like 78% of them, there's always Latino names involved, whether they're victims or suspects. I'm just saying. You can see the demographics of the country changing. I'm not saying — we know white — there's plenty of white mass shooters, too, but I'm just saying you can tell. Anyways, moments before he encountered the suspect — and he shot him dead.

Can't wait for the left to jump on. Oh, these guns. And that's what they're hoping. They're trying to make an excuse to take your guns away. That's what I believe. Where's my tinfoil? It's covering the turkey I made this morning. As he rushed to the H&M store at the Allen Premium outlet Saturday, the hero cop tried

his best to relay the chaos outside the mall where a man in his 30s opened fire, killing eight people and injuring seven others, including children. Audio of the call to the Allen Police Department reveals with dozens of gunshots ringing out. The officer urges fellow cops to get to the scene as fast as they could to help him take down the gunman who was armed with an AR-15 style rifle. Yeah, could you emphasize that again? You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And you know what?

How many of those NRA members own AR-15s? Zillions of them. And it never seems to happen. And though, you know right they use them for what they so don't make it out to be the air but most killings are handguns by the way committed but again go after I can't even have the discussion anymore I've got people running they're still shooting the officer said during the call I need everybody I got about two minutes after

urging for backup to arrive, the officer was successfully able to take down the shooter, telling his call, why don't they say shoot the killer? Take down? What's he fucking wrestling with him? I got him down, according to the audio obtained by the Daily Ben. He should have said I fucking blew his head off. Yay. He was the best guy around. Goddamn right. The officer who has not been publicly identified, because we wouldn't want to do that, was initially at the mall for an unrelated call. Let me guess, shoplifting at the fucking footlocker? Oh, what do you mean? Allen Police Chief Brian Harvey told reporters, law

enforcement, including FBI agents, raided the suspect's home following the Saturday afternoon blabber and found three jars of salsa. No, they don't. The shooter had yet to be named Sunday. Okay, I'll call him Jose. Six of those killed. What's his name? Garcia. Six of those killed are found dead at the scene. Nine other victims were hospitalized, two of them who later died from their wounds. Other victims were hospitalized, two of them who later died from their wounds. The chief of fire said, Mr. Boyd. Officials said the wounded ranged in ages from 5 to 61. A lot of courage, huh?

I don't give a fuck if he's mentally whatever. And if he survived, I say, you know what you do? You do what ISIS does. You put them in a cage, douse them with gas, and flip a match in there. Nick, you can't, sometimes they get it right in the Middle East. But he didn't survive. He got his head blown off, and that's what he was hoping. And I'm telling you, you're going to see more of this. Call me a detective, right? Give me a break. Hey, in the second half of the show, I'm going to be talking about, you have to see this clip. I'm sure you have a baseball announcer for the Oakland A's drop the N-bomb.

Not like off mic, on mic, looking into the camera. Maybe one of the funniest moments in the history of baseball. And actually, I found that there's a black former pitcher defending him because he played for the A's and he knows the guy. Also, my boy, my favorite guitarist, Ted Nugent, had a concert canceled in Alabama. How un-American is that? And we'll tell you what that's about. Absolutely ridiculous.

It's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com. Let's lighten it up a little. I actually threw this in the air. I can't believe the headlines. I just... Trump is trouncing Biden. Former President Donald Trump, a Republican.

Hey, thanks for clearing it up, guy who wrote the article. What the fuck? Really? I thought he leaned left. A Republican has opened up a clear lead over President Joe Biden, a Democrat, and the 2024 race for the White House, a Washington Post and ABC News poll shows. The poll shows 49 percent of respondents said they would definitely or probably vote for Trump against Biden or that they lean towards voting for Trump. Oh, for the love of God. Whereas Biden, in such a scenario, only nets 42%.

Of course. What are we doing? What's going on right now? You have no idea, cocksucker. Let me tell you something. Even that, I don't believe those numbers. Are you telling me? We're living in end times here.

You're watching Rome burn. And the fucking guy responsible, his administration, the worst in the history of this country. Country's never been in worse shape. I don't care what metrics you use. And Trump's only seven points ahead of him. I mean, that's probably true, but I'm just saying it's true because the media brainwashes people to believe that the left actually has a point in existing. In total, if Trump is the GOP nominee in 2024, the crosstabs for the polls show 36%

say they would definitely vote for him against Biden. Another 9% say they would probably vote for Trump in that scenario. I can't even follow this shit. And another 5% are leaning towards voting for, that's right, Henry Hill. He's been dead for a long, leaning toward voting for Trump. I guess you have to break it down. In said scenario, Biden only has 32% who say they will definitely vote for him.

And I bet you that's even, that's even ginned up. Why would you vote? What are you basing that on? Other than you want to be fucking stay with your team. It's fucking gross. It's supposed to be a self-governing country. People aren't that stupid. I live in the world. I meet him. You meet him. Have you met people? Have you talked? Maybe you do. Maybe you know people who go, I think he's doing a great job. I'd love to talk to that person right after he gets out of the fucking mental institution. Anyways, well, definitely just 6% who said they probably would. We're talking about Biden now.

And another 4% who said they lean toward voting for fucking Biden. You're a loser. You always be a loser. The fact Trump has such a commanding lead, that's seven points, relax. Jesus Christ. Over Biden, just about a week after, well, this is true.

They put it into context here a little bit. Just about a week after Biden announced his reelection campaign is a remarkable turn of events for the former president. And like I said, I saw a woman on, I don't know if it was a Sunday morning. Might have been Newsmax. I don't know. Her name's Susan Kelly, and she follows it shit for a living. And I think she's a lawyer, too.

And she has been right about everything about Trump, about the indictments coming. She's been right, like, for the last few years about how they're going to attack Trump. She's really smart. And she says 110% they will indict him on, like, criminal charges, and he's going to be, they will throw him in jail for a year. Well, you know, the campaign goes on for president. He'll be in jail.

That's what she's predicting. She hasn't been wrong yet. I believe her first name is Susan Kelly. Anyways, and that's, can you imagine that scenario? That's right out of fucking, Putin would be proud. It's right out of Stalin's playbook. Right out of Stalin's playbook. Right out of Stalin's playbook. Dallas says that because he hung out with Stalin when he was over there.

His son. Oh, the good old days. Him and Joe. I think he hung out with his nephew. No, exactly. Bring me the man and I'll show you the crime. That was Stalin's right hand guy, Gene something, Gene Rayburn. He used to host match game.

Anyways, not since the 19th century, when in 1892, Americans elected then former President Grover Cleveland back into the White House as the nation elected a former president who lost again. Imagine that. Other surveys showing a Trump lead over Biden include Rasmussen reports polls and polls from Trump's pollster, Jim McLaughlin. But now that this trend is showing up in Washington Post, which is a left-wing rag, slash ABC News polling, the White House must be feeling a little bit of pressure. They're in deep doo-doo. And Trump, I don't know, he must feel good. Or does he know they, if he knows what Ms. Kelly's saying is true, he can, you know. I am your voice. Do you know you can run from jail, by the way?

You can run for president from jail. Tell me this ain't a great country. They should go in there and find like a three-time rapist. Been in there for 50 years in Rikers. Or wherever. No, my boy, Bobby Ray Gilbert. Bobby Ray Gilbert that you guys, you know, that show Lockup. I don't think they're making any new ones. But you know that prison

show that was on for years. I used to watch it on Bobby Ray Gilbert, this white crazy fucking southern drawl. Alabama prison, I believe. Yeah, he's been in there. He's in there for a long time.

He's always like, I got 99 years for this. They tacked on 100 for that. I got life for this. Fuck, he listens like he's reading a resume trying to get a job. And he scares me. He's a white dude. Can you imagine? They throw him in.

He killed a guy over $20. Guy owed him $20, so he killed him. Hey, his $20 goes into jail. Well, he's in jail. He kills a guy. Some bad motherfuckers. Anyways, he, I want him to run. And some woman married him, by the way. Make her the first lady. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdapaloshow.com and join to get my full show and crowded show and a lot more. And while you are there, get tickets to see me live May 12th, which is this Friday, right?

Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, Daytona Beach. We have May 19th and 20th. Oh, my God, two weekends in a row I'm working? Hyenas Comedy Club, Dallas. And then July 14th and 15th, Arlington Cinema and Draft House, Arlington, Virginia. Hope to see you guys there. guitar solo Bye.