The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hunter To Be Indicted | Nick Di Paolo Show #1452

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Hunter's gun, Huntington Beach having enough and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

I'm before God bless America, I hope we will, God bless America. guitar solo I love the smell of grapevom in the morning. All right. How are you, kids? Welcome to the show. See that cold opening? If they didn't take it down because of whatever copyright. Yeah, Yankee Stadium. I'll remind you, that's in New York City where that flag was unfurled.

I didn't hear any booing. Dallas made a good point. The music that piped in over the speakers, it sounded very Berlin-ish, circa 1940. Because it's, like you said, an all-male choir, and then, you know, the flag. You know every lib douche looking out was waiting for, you know, we see Trump's face. They see his swastika, which is so hilarious because they're the dictators, the totalitarian fascist fuckstains. Every one of you is. I think there's 11 in the country. I swear to God, it's the media. Anyways,

okay, 14. Anyways, what a fucking morning. I mean, cheap as crow, you know. I wait every morning to get, I get Gutfeld's monologue and I, you know, spend some time on that, punching it up. I put the finishing touches on what you sent me and what I did last night. So my mornings are pretty jammed and waiting for Gutfeld's thing. For some reason, it was

like an hour late. And then some guy rings the doorbell. Oh, I had a conference call with the fucking lawyers about the big lawsuit. So, you know, I didn't have time to take a dump. I was in a rush to get dressed. Oh, look, you'll see. I was pissed. I'm just gonna put this suck on here. Should be should be should be pretty easy. Stupid. God damn it. Stupid. God damn fucking god. Jesus fucking get off. Stupid fucking. Nah. Stupid ass fuck.

Future school shooter. Oh my God. That is too cute. What the fucking hell else? Red Sox, cock-a-poo-poo-pee. I can see it in Cora's eyes. He's like, just let this thing end. It's so up and down.

It's fucking insane. Their bats will go on, and then they'll go quiet. They're throwing the ball around like a girls' softball team. It's fucking hilarious. It's almost fun to watch. Anyhow, yeah, so they lost again and whatever. And now we got Orioles coming to town. Who, they're the real thing. Got them for four this weekend, I think.

And then the Yanks, we're looking, we're drooling. Because the Yankees haven't beat us this year. I'm fucking embarrassing the Yankees all year because they stink. But they've won like five in a row as they come to fucking Boston. Anyways, whatever. You guys don't care. Let's talk about Tulane field hockey. Let me see the tits on those broads.

What else, Dallas? I don't know. The great Colin Quinn, for some reason, is on his way to my town right now. I think he had a corporate gig, I'm guessing, in South Carolina last night or something, or this morning. Said he was waiting to get paid.

I'm like, it's daytime. What are you, a prostitute? So anyways, but he's like, I gave my address. He said he's heading, I don't know. I'm guessing he's been in Savannah before with MTV or whatever when they, you know. But he hasn't been here since I've been here. And that's all that matters, I think. Savannah would agree.

Richie, go home, Richie. Send them out. I want my fucking money. Richie April. Send them out, Tony. You go home, Richie. Do you want to mention the breaking news headline on

the new poll that's out? Yeah. Dallas just informed me. And this is the New York Post, you know, which, by the way, is creepy. It's creeping into left wing. Like everything, it's creepy. Like Drudge Report. Remember, you woke up one day and it's fucking far left. Radical

horseshit. But the Post, I look one day and it's fucking far left, radical horse shit. But the post, I look at it, it's always a girl writing the article. The first paragraph, you can tell that she's a left, whatever. It's creeping into, it always says Trump's baseless, you know, all this shit. So today, Dallas saw a headline that says they did a poll. Nikki Haley is the GOP's best chance to beat Biden. I'm guessing a lefty might have put that out there, that poll. She couldn't beat me. And I'm not kidding. I am not kidding. She couldn't beat me. People could, I should run, they should watch about a handful of my shows and have me debate her. And even though, because she's a pro, she might blow me off the stage,

they go, yeah, but he's right on the bigger points. She's a fucking rhino. She's the last thing we need. A milquetoast fucking housewife. Pee fucking you, Nikki. No offense. All right? Unbeloved. Who put that out?

Who they poll are parents? The fuck out of here. I swear I could beat her. Yeah, that's fucking horseshit. Let's start the show. Well, I already did. You think you guys got a free six minutes? No, put out the pee.

Hunter's gun. Hunter Biden is expected put out the tea. Hunter's gun. Hunter Biden is expected... You get it? Hunter's gun. I am quicker than a two-titted mouse. Hunter Biden is expected to be indicted on federal gun charges by the end of September. Special Counsel David Weiss's team told...

So what? Does it matter? What? You can tell me he's going to get the death penalty. He'll be at the beach. Excuse me. A team told U.S. District Judge Mary Ellen, is that Norica? I don't know.

Blonde. I like her. On Wednesday. Norica had set Wednesday as a deadline to hear from both sides about how to move forward on the diversion agreement that would have allowed Hunter Biden, remember after his sweetheart deal collapsed, like Dick Cheney running a race, to avoid jail time for a felony charge of lying on a federal form when purchasing a firearm in 2018. I hope my, I filled a few forms out when I went to Canada saying I was bringing food into the country. The expected charges come after an original plea agreement collapsed in July.

Remember that one, Popo? Sure you did. Oh my God. I don't, never mind. I didn't put these in. I didn't put these in. Hunter Biden was expected to plead guilty in July to two misdemeanor tax counts of willful failure to pay federal income taxes as part of a plea deal to avoid jail time on a felony gun charge. Hunter Biden was forced to plead not guilty to two misdemeanor tax charges. And didn't I just say that? One felony gun charge.

Anyways, since then, Attorney General Jerkoff Merrick Garland tapped Weiss, remember, to serve as a special counsel with jurisdiction over the Hunter Biden investigation, which was like incestuous. And wasn't he the guy bringing them, anyways, defending him in the first place, and any other issues that have come up or may come up related to that probe. Can somebody tell me? Weiss, the United States attorney for Delaware, has been leading the Hunter Biden investigation. He's a Delaware attorney. Probably hasn't been sucking Biden dick for years. I think Trump, is that the guy Trump? I think Trump might have even appointed him. His appointment as a special counsel comes amid allegations of politicization impacting prosecutorial decisions in the years-long investigation into the president's son.

And we cut to Larry the cable guy who's been investigating for the GOP. And we cut to Larry, the cable guy who's been investigating for the GOP. The IRS investigation into Hunter Biden, which as we've heard from the IRS whistleblowers, was leading directly to Joe Biden, was obstructed. We've been obstructed at every turn, not only by the Biden attorneys, but also by the Department of Justice, by Homeland Security now. We've been obstructed by the media. We've been obstructed by the media. We've been obstructed by Democrats on the House Oversight Committee, the FBI, and the list goes on and on. Yeah, so what happens when they do that,

which is illegal? What do you do? You just go on Fox and tell people they won't tell us anything. Have another insurrection. Only you politicians do it this time. What the fuck? They just get to ignore the rules, the Dems.

I'm telling you, folks, it's going to take you to get off your couches. I'm talking to you people. I was going to say younger people. What, are you kidding me? They throw like girls. They don't know if they have a vagina or a dick. We're fucked, let's be honest. And then Joni Ernst.

I think she's a, what is she, the governor of, I don't even fucking know, a governor or a senator from one of those beautiful states, Iowa? I don't know. Go ahead. Give scenery. So I think this entire administration is corrupt. Wow, you must be a detective. So I think this entire administration is corrupt. We've got a DOJ that is intent on covering up for Hunter Biden and the president and yet socking it to the rest of America. I'd like to sock it to you.

What do you think of that? Huh? Right where you're getting the dishes out of the washer. What kind of talk is that for the year 2023? Oh, just a little refreshing bullshit. Anyways, the second half of the show, you know what I'm going to be talking about today? Generation Z, the chicks in Gen Z. Oh, they've found a new way to deal with their monthly friend, as we call it.

Yes, you won't believe it. Let's put it this way. What they're doing, just picture Quint and Jaws getting bitten. Also, the state of New Hampshire takes on mortar fire, particularly one guy. That doesn't get your ears. It's exclusive on Mug Club, so join now to get it at NickDip.com. NickDip.com. Let's move on. Who cares about again about Biden, Hunter and whatever.

Hey, guys, a little commercial for you here. Apparently Tommy needs some cash. Head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, micro skirts, mini skirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look like a badass at the same time. I'll have merch with me next weekend, which isn't too embarrassing, standing there like a fucking homeless guy. My hand out, but you know, Tommy's Jewish, doesn't faze him. I'll have merch with me at my shows in Buffalo and Cleveland later on this month and some, you know what, fentanyl, so meet me in the parking lot. And you can also get signed copies of my previous specials in all of the Nika t-shirts. of my previous specials in all of the Nika t-shirts. They must go, the government said. Just go to nickdip.com and click on the store. Again,

nickdip.com, click on the store. Tommy writes copy for fucking Popeil's fishermen. Let's move on to Goodwill Huntington Beach. Oh, you're so... The Huntington Beach, that's by the way in California, city council narrowly, get this, you guys are trigger warning, you might faint, voted Wednesday, and again narrowly, to ban universal mask and COVID-19 vaccine mandates in the city. That's how far off the fucking reservation Democrats and Biden are with this COVID thing. That even California is like, we're not going to, at least this town, right?

You don't want to go to the beach, right? It's a beautiful beach, right? Got the right place? The declaration passed four to three. Any other state, well well I shouldn't say that any red state it will be 91 to nothing but are these the people that were against it good

I mean for the good thing not wearing masks good for you people what's it like to be a Republican in that communist shithole the declaration passed 4 four to three vote. The meeting adjourned at 2.48 a.m.

That much discussion, guarantee you, some fat black councilwoman. I got diabetes, top 9 by 11. I ain't going to lose a foot, you motherfuckers. Put on your mask. Those who have tested positive for COVID-19, AIDS, or monkeypox will still be required to wear a mask around your balls and taint. Good night, everybody. It's a new show.

You're going to have to wear them in certain settings. Mayor Pro Tem Gracie Van Dirkmark, seen here as Hitler's girlfriend. She's one of us, right? Good for you, sweetheart. Introduce the motion. I'll introduce the motion to you at Tuesday night's meeting. In the declaration, Van Dirkmark, wasn't she a general in Hogan's Heroes? Vandermark?

Yeah, Van Dirkmark. It's three different words. I go Van Dirkmark. Put it together. You're right, Van Derkmaak, but said mask mandates imposed at City Hall and other parts of the city in 2020 and 2021 unnecessarily limited the freedom of the citizens of Huntington Beach. You don't say so. Even those who were not around anyone who tested positive for COVID-19 or at risk of any exposure at all? You are correct, sir.

I love this. I really hope they're going to try to mandate. I really hope they are dumb enough to try this again. You want to see, you think shit goes down on flights now. Every time there's a fight in public now, they go, oh, it's because we've been locked up with three. They use that as an excuse. You want to see some shit? COVID-19 cases, because it's been debunked is my point.

COVID-19 cases have been on the rise again recently in Orange County and neighboring Los Angeles County. I wonder if that has anything to do with half the fucking population of L.A. being from South America and Central America and Turkey. According to data from those country health departments, the number of hospital patients statewide who test positive for COVID-19 is also on the upswing after several weeks of decline with 1,668, Wow. Out of what?

40 million people live in California? Something like that? I'm not even shitting you. It's like the fourth biggest, you know what, economic, what's the fucking word I'm looking for? Economy.

Boy, I was all over it. I'm going to try balance of nature. With 1,668 COVID positive patients reported by the state health department in the latest data. We talked about 91. Who? By the way, those are the people

that put out the Nikki Haley poll. Oh, Jing Jing. Let's move on. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich excuse me one cigarette with the women's world cup still very much a part of the pubic the public conversation uh mattel has announced that they're still in business, that this year's career of the year for Barbie is none other than a collection of, guess what, folks?

Women in sports. Exactly. That's how I felt, Harry. Even that fat type doesn't like it. Featuring four job scopes General manager Coach Referee And sports reporter

And midwife What? The capsule launch Hoped to encourage more girl Boy, can you women movement Leave it alone for one second Can you give it a fucking rest You talk like it's 1948

You haven't got the right to vote yet. Let it go. You're better educated than men. You commit suicide less than men. You're making as much money in a certain age demographic. Let it go, angry Jewish women who run the fucking feminist movement. That's just my take. I could be totally wrong.

I could be Polish. I doubt it. Encourage more girls take. I could be totally wrong. I could be Polish. I doubt it. Encourage more girls to take part in the growing industry. Throughout the decades, the special edition doll has spotlighted

over 250 aspirational roles, including fucking Streetwalker, where women are often underrepresented. Well, they're not underrepresented. I made that wrong. Dr. Jen Welter, seen here with a guy's head on a woman's

body, that's fucking photoshopped. That face does not match the rest of the tone of that picture. But she's holding a ball like she's dropping back. Dr. Jen Welter, the first female coach in the National Football League. I'm guessing it's that broad with the

49ers. Remember we did a story on I'm sure she really put together to sound defense. Get out of the way. Said that she was blown away when she learned about women in sports being the choice for career of the year. Now each young collector who takes the toys out of the box can picture herself in their shoes.

You mean cleats, fucking boots. Look at that. I used to do that. According to Forbes, more has to be done to ensure an equal representation. What is Forbes? Now, Mrs. Forbes of women in sports. No, they're overrepresented. Keep them on the sideline in shorts, nice titties.

Don't want to hear them in the booth either. Don't want to hear Pam Ward. Who's the one? Dude, Auburn's game last week I think had her commentating. Is it Pam? I always get her name wrong. Not Ward. But she's one of the talks like this. Like an FM, right?

I couldn't. I had to find the radio broadcast so I didn't have to listen to her. Yeah, my late great friend Greg Zook used to fucking go crazy. Because he talks like this. Like, welcome, man. Zoo 101. The 2021 Sports Media Racial and Gender Report Card. I got all Fs even in high school.

Associated Press Sports Editors, APSE, racial and gender report card noted that just 16.7% of sports editors were women. Yeah, because most of them aren't attracted to that field, that don't have dicks. Do you understand? This is what they do. And then they go, oh, that's because of discrimination.

Shut the fuck up. No, shut up! Exactly. Will you? In addition, only 17.8% of reporters and 14.4% of columnists in the business identify as female. Yeah. Not because of, ooh. Plus Kim Ming.

That's her last name, NG. Okay? The first female general manager in Major League Baseball seen here with a dick under her suit was only appointed recently in 2020. To complement the special launch, Barbie has partnered with Voice in Sport, a community aiming to inspire more girls. Where is this community? Can I visit it? Through Sports to host a virtual mentoring session on the subject for teens age 12 to 13.

Please give me a call. That's what 13-year-olds should be doing. What? I'm joking, everybody. You know. You know. Hey, anyways, for those of you guys at Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show.

Everyone else, go to nickdib.com and join to get my full show. Steve and Crowder's full show. You've got Brian Callen on this network. You've got the Hodge twins, Alex Jones, plus an undercover like Project Veritas team that goes out. He's putting together a machine, okay? We'll be the last one standing. guitar solo Outro Music