The Nick DiPaolo Show - Hunter's Surprise Appearance | Nick Di Paolo Show #1507

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Hunter's appearance, a helicopter crash, Trump's immunity and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Good morning, my neighbors! Hey, fuck you! Oh, hi, you. That's New York right now. Your neighbors are a Guatemalan family. Welcome to the show, folks, on a Wednesday. Yeah, real, yeah, whatever. I don't know what to say.

What did you do last night? Dallas is back from a trip. He was doing some, what are you, directing or? Dallas is back from a trip. He was doing some, what are you directing or shooting? Both. Wow. Virginia. And then got back at 1230 last night.

See that, folks? See what we do to keep the show flowing nicely? Anyways, he's got a, some broad he knows. Anyways. What? You can't.

Come on, come on. Joe List, my young buddy who I met when he was in his, I don't know, late 20s, who I used as an opener for years, and he was a drunk and a fall down. Then he got his shit together. This guy has a baby now. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get the first four notes to living after midnight down on my guitar so I don't know where I'm at actually I do and my hemorrhoids are back that's all I got to say after having an operation 10 years ago that was like having triplets that was the fucking worst even the doctor said nine out of ten people who have done this too said they would never do it

again and I still went through with it and mother mother of God, it was worse than you could imagine. Why am I telling you that? You're probably eating your breakfast. Yum, yum. Maybe you're German. You like that shit talk with your eggs. What? All right, let's get to it. I get fucking nothing. Football, NFL, real quick, they're firing people left and right. Everybody's hanging on Belichick's next one. Anyhow, we got a lot to get to. Might as well get to it. Headline, here's Hunter. Hunter Biden made a surprise and brief appearance Wednesday at a House Oversight Committee hearing where members were debating a resolution holding him in contempt of Congress. The first son, 53, showed up with his lawyer, Abby Lowell.

He's been around a long time. Who does Hunter look like then? A third world dictator idea. Who does Hunter look like then? A third world dictator idea. And sugar brother, Kevin Morris, and sat in the front row of the hair room causing uproar among the panel's Republicans before leaving after about 10 minutes.

Rep Nancy Mace, Republican, South Carolina. Give me a bunch of them. Give me a bunch of women from South Carolina. Seriously, fucking guys have no balls. Tore into Hunter during her remarks, calling him the epitome of white privilege. She said, my first question is, boy, this is great,

who bribed Hunter Biden to be here today? That was her first question. How do you not love this broad? Where is she? Put her up. She's not even bad looking, right? Yeah, you get a picture. Here you up. She's not even bad looking, right? Amazed? Yeah. You get a picture.

Here you go. Then she went on to say, you are the epitome of white privilege. Coming into the oversight committee, spitting in our face, ignoring a congressional subpoena to be deposed. What are you afraid of? You have no balls, she said. You can tell. I must have a ball. A Trump connection.

Mace added, I think Hunter Biden should be arrested right here, right now, and go straight to jail. This is the type of talk you should be hearing. Hunter stood up and left the room before Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Republican, Georgia, spoke, tearing into the first son as a coward. We need these Southern women. And was trailed by reporters and political operatives in the hallways of the Rayburn House office building. The president's son did take at least one question about his dad's role in his foreign dealings. When asked why he put Joe Biden on speakerphone during approximately 20 business meetings Hunter held during his dad's vice presidency, if he called you, this is what Hunter said,

if he called you, would you answer the phone? Replied the first son. Despite the fact that his former best friend in business, Devin Archer, testified in July that Hunter often initiated those calls to impress foreign associates, completing the farce, a heckling anti-Biden operative. Now, who would that be? Is this a press member? I doubt it. Could be heard asking repeatedly, Hunter, what's your favorite kind of crack? Are you on crack today?

Why wasn't this on TV? That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Yeah, you are. Hunter's gambit propelled the House of Reps to vote hours later to formally authorize the impeachment inquiry

it launched on September 12th. Contempt of Congress is a crime punishable by a minimum of 30 days behind bars. He could do that standing on his head. Per offense, though the Biden Justice Department would have to choose to prosecute the son of their boss, you know, which that's the way it's supposed to work, by the way, anyways. But what are the odds of that? Two lying scumbags. Has there anybody been more scandalous in the White House ever? Fucking Biden.

Who said yesterday, somebody that worked with him, oh, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said he was told by some senator that he was the dumbest senator. Another senator said about Biden, he was the dumbest guy. Another senator said about Biden, he was the dumbest guy in the fucking capital for years. Fuck him and everything he believes in. Let's throw in a little clip here of a, that's interesting.

You know, we like to mix it up, keep you guys off guard. You see the clip of a traffic chopper that caused traffic, ironically, in Brazil? It's Brazil, right? Which I always, look, I have a recurring dream. I've had this dream, and I'm not kidding you, probably 10 times in my life,

of me going down on a jetliner crashing. And it's the same, it looks like when you see a Gilligan's Island rerun, it's the same every time. What is that about? I don't know what God's trying to tell me there but I I might cancel that gig in May anyways this is in Brazil startling footage captured the moment of Brazilian police helicopter fell out of the sky onto an urban highway Monday I love nothing's more interesting and how old

are you Dallas what year were you born? 80. 80? All right. Oh, I don't know. Do you remember when that plane, you've probably seen it, it's taken off out of D.C., hit the bridge on a cold winter day.

Huh? Hit the Potomac, and people were in the fucking water. In like February, it was snowing that day, and it was a lady like this. Just fucking in a daze. Some guy jumped in

and swam up all his clothes and saved her. That guy was me. Here's a story you should have told a long time ago. No, anyways. Anyways, yeah,

a helicopter, a traffic copter fell out of the goddamn sky in Brazil. It doesn't happen every day, folks. Ooh. A traffic cop fell out of the goddamn sky in Brazil. It doesn't happen every day, folks. The Federal Highway Police chopper was transporting an accident victim. Oh, Jesus. They don't tell you what happened to him.

When it crash-landed onto a thing. I can see a guy on a neck brace going, what the fuck? had a neck brace, go, what the fuck? When a crash landed on a thoroughfare in Bello, in between sparse traffic, luckily, according to Jam Press, mm, they're delicious. I'm going to find out what the hell happens here. Six people, including a doctor and a nurse and a couple of Epstein's friends,

were on board the aircraft, but luckily, no one was injured. The helicopter suffered a rotor failure and ironically a rotor cuff tear. And good night, everybody. A rotor failure. First of all, that's why I won't go up in a helicopter. You can put a gun on my fucker.

I'm not going up on a helicopter. A thing that's designed the same thing a kid in fraternity wears with a beanie with a... You got one propeller up there. It's not enough for me. hell a thing that's designed the same thing a kid in fraternity wears with a beanie with a you got one propeller up there it's not enough for me forcing the pilot to make a dangerous maneuver uh according to the prf commander aurelio alial who was on board take a take a take a look at this anybody know what cow means? Ciao. Bill, I'm going to put it down right here.

What are you, fucking nuts? That's a highway cocksucker. Take a look at this angle. Oh, Jesus. What the hell's going on out here? Oh, my God. The location was the best it could be after we had the rotation failure. Unfortunately, the tail hit the fence.

Oh, boy, that's going to cost you. See you on Judge Judy. When it went up, the tiles fell inside the house, whatever that meant. Excuse me, local resident, Elise Lores, reported. How about the pilot going, yeah, it's the best I could do. Gonna have to talk to the mechanics. Dallas, you've probably been in a fucking, right?

A few of those. Several helicopters. Yes. I love them. I know you do. You're fucking proving you're psychotic. I went on a couple when I was in Afghanistan. That was enough for me.

And they made me sit right next to the open door thing. It's the best way to do it. It really is. What's the point of being on the phone? But when I got on, I started shitting my pants. Because it was wires hanging. I go, this is going to fly? What, did you guys build this 10 minutes ago?

It's like wire. I'm looking. I go, where's that go? Dude, I had sweat coming down. Anyway, but it was. It's something else, man. You guys, fucking, you got to respect the crazy bastards like Dallas. You don't have to, but.

Anyways, hey, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about my boy. And again, if Trump wasn't involved in this election, he might not be. This is my man. Vivek, he's got a brilliant idea to expose the corporate news media. he's got a brilliant idea to expose the corporate news media as you know i don't think he's included in the next debate which i didn't even realize that's insane to me uh so anyways he's got an idea to run something during the debate always thinking differently to me that's enough already uh also uh why justin trudeau's canada is is a scary Marxist shithole. They have both feet on the gas pedal when it comes to heading to communism up there.

We'll show you a clip that's right out of fucking Orwell, in my opinion, exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts Just go to nickdip.com and click on store Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Headline, presidential immunity. Former President Trump's attorney argued before a

federal appeals court Tuesday that the former commander-in-chief and 2024 frontrunner has presidential immunity from charges stemming from special counsel Jack Smith's investigation while warning that President Biden is prosecuting his number one political opponent and his greatest electoral threat. You cannot argue with that. You are correct, sir. And they're the fucking assholes saying Trump's a threat to democracy. And how do they prove that?

By not letting you vote for who you want to vote. The irony is thicker than your mother's neck. Anyways, I don't know what that means. There's Trump doing Jesus. Take this taco bowl and eat it. This is the bread of my body. Crowders fans are like that. I'm a little religious folks.

I appreciate the good writing in the book. Oh, look at this. Did you guys see that? The shit I did when I was dating. You want to know why I couldn't? Gary Gorman's got the best line. You know, he's Jewish. And he talked, you know how the Jews don't believe in the new book, right?

They don't really believe in Jesus. He goes, then you guys wrote that spinoff character. Fucking genius, that guy. The panel of three judges, two of whom were appointed by President Biden and one by Judge Joe, heard arguments from Trump attorney and special counsel Jack Smith's team. There's the jerk-off right there. Trump attorney D. John Sauer argued that the president has absolute immunity. It says it, even I know this, in the Constitution.

When you're the president, you're immune to this shit. They can't like go after you. He was the president then, Trump. They can't go after you. And that's how, it's clear. It's fucking clear. It's why, anyways, even after leaving office, an argument that the judges appeared to be skeptical of, Judge

Karen Henderson, an appointee of former President George H. W. Bush, and, oh boy, she looks like every guy that I went to high school with, fired back saying, I think it's paradoxical to say that his constitutional duty

to take care that the laws be faithfully executed allows him to violate criminal law. He was never charged. Exactly. He was never charged with anything, you dink. You fucking maggot. You titless wonder. You box eater.

Anyways. But Sauer argued that Biden, the current incumbent of the presidency, is prosecuting his number one, and whoever doesn't know this, that's anybody who votes Democrat, you're just full of shit, number one political opponent and his greatest electoral threat. Trump's leading in every fucking poll. But then I see one today going, the aggregate poll, he's up by a point. That has to be lies. That has to be.

And it's not bragging rights for Trump, either. It's like, yeah, look it, I'm beating a guy who's been in a coma. Meanwhile, Smith's team argues that presidents are not entitled to absolute— do you read the Constitution or do you just ignore it, shit-chin? —to absolute immunity, and that Trump's alleged actions fall outside of presidents' official job duties. The president has a unique constitutional role, but he is not above the law. Oh, keep saying that again.

Why don't you tell it to your fucking boss? Not above the law. What are you, shitting me? Separation of powers, powers principles, constitutional tax history, precedent and immunity doctrines all point to the conclusion

that a former president enjoys no immunity from prosecution. Yeah, all the points, but the fucking Constitution doesn't, which is what we go by. Henderson pressed Pierce on how the court could come to its decision in a way that would not open the floodgates of investigations against ex-presidents, by the way. It's a great question. And the judge said, Shut up. Mind your fucking business. Shut up. No.

Do you understand that question, folks? Because if they did rule in favor of Jack Smith, any time now, you know, any time a president got in, the Republicans would, you know, fucking go after him. But hasn't a president already been set for presidents, former presidents being above the law? Because Clinton lied under oath, which is technically, you know, in the law, yet he nothing happened. Yeah.

I'm not going to pretend to be a fucking John Turley. I'm just saying it's clear it's in the Constitution. You can't go after a fucking president. Pierce said he did not feel there would be a sea change of vindictive tit-for-tat. Really? No, I can see why you'd think that way, because the left and the right Republicans, they have been working hand-in-hand for years. Are you sucking my fucking tiny nipples?

I fooled you. Would be a sea change of vindictive tit for tat, watch your mouth, prosecutions in the future. Instead, the allegations against Trump are unprecedented. They are. Nobody else has done bad shit. You're going to lose, bigly. You're going gonna lose big lee you're gonna lose you're gonna lose big lee but even hw the woman you know cc it's funny how we used to think and he wasn't big

hw bush was a badass fucking veteran he was fucking floating in the water in world war ii and the real deal you know cia guy had plenty of people whacked and shit, but even his administration looks, you know, neocon. Oh, his son's was. Eh, whatever. I'm just pretending I know what I'm talking about. Let's move on, you fuckslips. Take it easy.

Oh, my God, Dallas. HBO Max was just airing them, and I came across. You and I are going to sit together, and you're going to thank me. All right? And now I try to show you the pilot. You guys are busy. We've got to watch this. It fucking had me belly laughing.

And then there's parts where they're so sad. I don't understand people who don't. I can't even. You don't have to be Italian. You don't have to be from the Northeast to appreciate how fucking smart and funny this show is. All right, what am I talking about? That's right, Lost in Space. God, remember that stupid thing?

Fucking robot. Yeah, it was a trash can. We've come a long way. A couple of hooks with a light bulb on the fucking... Hey, before I move on, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com.

Join to get my full show every day and the great Steven Crowder show and a whole lot more. And I mean Alex Jones on Fridays, the Hodge twins, Brian Callen, the undercover team that does shit that Project Veritas used to do. It's the best money you can spend on the, I'm not just saying that, it really is. You walk in there, when I go there, it's hilarious, like walking into NASA. The fucking, first of all, there's a building the size of the Astrodome, and there's like fucking 60 people sitting around computers.

I'm over there sneaking into his liquor cabinet, supposed to be watching the rundown. Anyways, I digress. Anyways, yeah, you can sign up for all that at nickdip.com. While you're there, by the way, click on the tour button. As you see, Dallas has put up the, right now I got one date up there. I, I, I'm, I'm, again, my plan was not to do it, fucking stand up for a year, but you know, my manager is my pimp and

he needs the money. So he comes up with some bullshit excuse that why I got to get out there. And he doesn't know that I've been around 40 years. And even though he is quite a business fella, you can see right through him. But I could use the money until that fucking Pandora suit is settled. May 11th, the Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. May 11th, that's the day before Mother's Day. Bring her, too. I'll fucking bitch slap that old wench.

May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. May 11th, Count Basie Theater. I do well. I sell well in New Jersey. I always did. Last time we did a gig, a big, you, no, my opening was with me. Anyway, we sold it out. I'm just saying, folks, it's a 1,500 seat fucking venue, which is pretty, for me, don't get me wrong,

all these young guys that know how to use Instagram and shit, they might be fucked. Some of them are like open micers at best, a filling place. It breaks my heart. Hey, what can I say? I was born at the wrong time. Anyways, please bring everybody that you know, even if they're illegally in the country. We'll bust them after the show. guitar solo Thank you.