The Nick DiPaolo Show - ICE Has Shocking New Weapon | The Nick DiPaolo Show #1935

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Biden's Prostate, New Way To Terrorize Aircraft, Airplane Engine Pops Fire, Romo Sacked, ICE To Use Electric Glove, A Fake Hole In One and A Steakhouse Nightmare! WATCH THE FULL SHOW LIVE & FREE on Rumble 6pm ET Mon-Thu JOIN OUR LIVE CHAT & FOLLOW MY CHANNEL https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow/live GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - GRAB A MUG, TSHIRT, HOODIE, STICKERS AND MORE! https://shop.nickdip.com/ SEND SOMEONE A PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME! https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or http://www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo FOLLOW ME ON SOCIALS or STREAM MY COMEDY!!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Charlie, that's not going to help you, case. He said that to the judge. Oh, and everybody in the courtroom. That's actually the transcript from the still the best acting job I've ever seen in my fight. It actually, like I said, I was in my teens and it was scaring, the guy scared the shit out. Every time they put the camera on him,

he fucking looked just like Charlie. Because he was real. Yeah, he was fucking real. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't Spider-Man, you mean? Is that you talking? People think that's real. Oh, aye, aye.

When, what, Hollywood, can I just speak to if I know you might have been all fucking nerds in the industry. I got the other teeth in today. I'm thinking about having them all yankton just going fucking gumless, gumful, whatever it is. Anyways, yeah, so I don't remember what I was talking about. Huh? Hollywood and the nerds and, yeah, what's the nation, a 14-year-old boy as far as the movie goes? I thought kids that read comics when I was a kid were fucking nerds. Now you're spending trillions on them.

And making a lot of money, obviously, because you keep making them. Fucking nation of fucking 40-year-old virgins. Ugh, you see, we're going to Comic-Con. Are you really? I fucking ever think about pussy? Well, I'm a girl. Yeah, I know. Still asking you.

This is 2026. Get with it. Anyhow. Red Sox dropped their fourth in a row last night. The bats are gone flat. Like you said, fucking baseball long season. Unbelievable. I told you a couple years ago, the Dodgers started out.

Oh, my God. Dude. These are the ones I keep in the car in the trunk. Remember the Dodgers started out like 31 and 4? And then at one point they lost 14 in a row or some shit. It's crazy. I don't think that's going to happen when the socks, but it is weird to be the hottest team for,

they won 35 out of them. 40, which is incredible. And now they lose to the A's at home a couple times in Toronto, who they're ahead of by about eight games. It's weird. Anyways, you don't care. I don't blame you. What the hell else?

Yeah, I went to give blood, and they have me there for, you know, how long should that take? Anyways, they got to me an hour and 40 minutes after I arrived. Only this can happen to me. Honest of God, I go in there and I go, wow, there was like five people waiting ahead of me, right? Which is usually there's nobody. And I go, oh, it's kind of busy today. But it's not that simple, right? So then they call some couple people in, and then they go to me, are you doing a double?

What I does, I give two pines, so it takes 40 minutes. The other ones take like 15 if you give it whole blood. So, oh, we have to wait. There's a guy in front of you doing a double, and then more people come in. It's down to me and a girl, and then a couple of guys come in. They're giving whole blood, so they go in front of me. Just the way it worked out, it's like, how is this possible? I was one of the first people there, and literally, there's people coming and going.

And I end up being like second to last. What the fuck? They kept going, we thank you so much for staying, you know? Excuse me. And I go, you guys wonder why you have a, a blood shortage. I'm not coming here again. Just get treated better at Red Lobster for Christ's sake.

They thanked me a thousand times for sticking around. I'm like, yeah, well, you caught me on a... And then this is where the cell phone is great. I prepared half the show while I was sitting there. And went in the men's room and jerked off to a couple of pornos. But other than that, they said, that's not

the type of blood banquet. What? Yeah, it's just amazing. I'm going, how is this possible that I'm still here. And the fucking lady, usually when they stick it in, you feel a little pinch, little pinch.

It was like you, I felt like Christ on the cross. Fucking hurt. And it was a big, thick one. Ever see the ones are almost like a nail? What the fuck is, what's that about? And my blood is almost black.

My wife's sake, big surprise. I said, shut up. No, it's deep, deep purple. And thick as fucking. GIF. And that's why I give it, because when you do testosterone therapy, it thickens your blood. And not good when you have high triglycerides. That's genetic, though. I've had that my whole family

has that. That's no biggie. But it's still fat in your blood. And then it really is the reason I don't even take one drag anymore. You know, it's like, because I remember my doctor in New York going, he goes, that could be the one that fucking, you know, your blood, it thickens everything. When you smoke a cigarette, and mine's thick enough, apparently. I'm just trying to get that blood to my cock. Thicking it. Anybody with me? Hey, go fuck you, sister.

That was a good joke. Anyways, yeah, so that took fucking 12 hours. They're like, grab a juice box on the way out. I said, when do you grab my nuts? There's a juice box. Anyhow, I like to whine. It's part of the show. You know that.

Welcome to the live lineup where it's free shows all day. And if you want to watch ad-free, that's it. Yeah, fuck it. Can't get it out. This is the hard one. Leave it in there. Join Rumble Premium. You want to watch Ad-free.

Don't forget to follow my channel download the Rumble app. And today I'll be talking about Joe Biden's on his way out. Yay! Now, usually I say, you know, don't chair when the other people when people do. But no, you killed Charlie Kirk. This guy was a piece of shit calling me and everybody else are racist. Fuck him. And I hope it's painful. Airplane. Yeah, American Airlines plane catches on fire. You know, another reason for me to stop doing the road, folks. Tony Romo is getting a real hard time for CBS for acting like a man, maybe having a few drinks

after a golf tournament. So let's hang him. What a fucking faggot society. Interesting thing we got. They get a new invention. Ice is going to use it. an electric glove. Dallas's buddy actually came up with it and we have some footage how it works. I'd like to use it in the bedroom. Or if I was single, guys, I would use it at a bar. You know, chicks giving you hard time. You got, you already spent $70 worth of drinks on her. Just when she's leaving, go, let me just shake your hand. And then she's down. You drag her out. Sure, the cops from the FBI are at your door, but it's still fun. And also, we get a guy in a golf tournament, Not a pro one, but I, you know, what do you call it?

When you join a golf club, they have a tournament. Well, he cheated on a hole in one. It's so goddamn funny and so American. I almost like them for it. I don't know why. I like bad people. What the fuck else? Oh, I got my dental, you know, the apnea thing.

And so I sent away for this mouthpiece that you can adjust, keeps your mouth open supposedly keeps your tongue from sliding back I watched the whole video the doctor in Italy came up with it and I go well he's a whopping fucking and it also comes with these gummies that are supposed

to make your you know not THC all natural shit so I ordered all that about two weeks ago got it last night and had the worst night of my fucking ever woke up tasting like gummies the things on the rug. I'm still not giving up on it because it was light

and it didn't feel that uncomfortable. I'm just, I'm going to give it. I have to, guys. I have to. I am so nervous about those gigs in November. Not because they haven't been on stage in a year. Well, part of that. But the, it's necessary to sleep the night before a gig.

You can't go up there. I leave the house forgetting my teeth. How am I going to remember an hour worth of shit? So, yeah, it's not a good situation. I'm trying to fucking fucking everything. I'm this close to fucking trying weed again, but you know the effect it has on me. I'll wake up naked in Forsyth Park.

So, yeah. So I woke up and it was on the night table. I don't remember doing that. But again, it was light, and it might work. The gummies, for Christ's sake. eat two of them and I was laying there staring at the ceiling for an hour. Andy had one. She said she was kind of hung over today from.

I'm like, what? I said, I was going to make you a banana bread and throw five or six in a... Anyways, so yeah, that probably get ripped off there. But I'm trying everything. I don't give a shit. That's about it, I guess. Let's move on to the show, which I hate to do. Say it is so, Joe.

Emphasis on is. See what I did there. Shut up, Nick. Hunter Biden has revealed his father's prostate cancer has spread. That's right, Hillary. Yeah, it's spread, and is very painful for the former president. Not painful enough. That's him getting a blowjob on the right.

The cancer has spread metastasized into his bones and further, Hunter told BBC about former President Biden on Friday. It's very painful and very debilitating. And in many respect, yeah, okay, whatever, whatever. You know, it's more painful that he was brain dead for four years and you guys lied to us, you cock suckers. May he burn in hell. I just, he's an unlikable.

He might be the most forgettable president ever. I, you know, I wasn't around for fucking a few of them. Buchanan apparently was a real beaut. There's a couple that are real duds. By the way, I was watching Jeopardy and came up, and it was called like, know your presidents or whatever. No, no whatever, the listed presidents or whatever. And I fucking nailed two.

And then the next category was poetry, and I left the house. Anyways, let's listen to Hunter Biden because, you know, he's quite a guy. I asked you if I could end by talking about your father's health. Jill has given some public comments that he has prostitial. and bone cancer and will forever live with cancer. How has the family taken this diagnosis? We're clapping. It's really tough, Patty.

That's the real answer. No joke. My dad in our family... You're an asshole. He's an asshole. Fuck yourself. Excuse me. No.

I'll say whatever I want. My dad is... A fake lump in the throat. To this day, and remains. The center of our family, Not just because he of who he is, as is the public person. A jerk off and a liar? Completely because of who he is to each one of us.

Yes. A fucking shitty dad. How about that? You fucking, well, he's on his way out. And to that, I say, I want, I'll be his ain't. I'll be his ain't in there.

That's a Lawrence Welk, ladies and gentlemen, for you youngsters out there. Here's a, did you have my grandparents that watched? Laurent, no. It was a big show in the 70s when I was a kid. Every time I go in like on a Saturday night, my grandparents were watching a Lawrence Welch show. And there'd be this guy singing, and my grandmother go,

he sounded like a woman, and he did, he had a high-pitched woman. She was so hateful when she watched TV. Julia Child said that butter was better than olive oil. She goes, she's full of shit. That's in my book, by the way. And my grandfather, there's a couple of stories about him. You're going to be kidding. All true.

Biden 83 announced last May that he was diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer. And again, you getting the idea? I don't like them. Look at even in this picture, folks. If you look real quick, you're like, oh, that looks like him. No. Look, his arms. His arms are waistcoat.

His face is gaunt. It's got to be scary. Hey, I'm 64, and I think about, I remember my uncle Bob saying that to me when I was like 15. You know, you think about it all the time. Thanks. Thanks for that. uplifting. I haven't even got hair on my pencil yet. You got me dead.

What the fuck? It's rarely sad to watch. No, it isn't. Not for us. I don't like to be lied to. I don't like to be called a racist and a terrorist and a domestic terrorist and all that shit.

You know? And have your family get rich because they're sucking dick over in China. Fuck all he is. The only thing that I'd say about my dad about his health right now is I wish he would complain more because it's not good. I don't know what that means. Joe Biden has continued to play a public role

appearing with Maryland Democrats at their fight back and win, Gala. How's that going? Near Baltimore in late June. Earlier that month, he appeared at the opening of the new Obama Library in Chicago. Have you seen that monstrosity? He drew comments

when he came to a lectern afterward. The thing was over. And he comes to the lectern and goes, where's my granddaughter? And about 12 people yelled out, probably in your shower. Hunter Biden, 56, noted that his dad,

he's younger than me. Jesus, everybody's younger than me. It's still out there. He's still doing his thing, he said. He so believes in this country. Oh, my God. You need to shut the fuck up. End of story.

All due respect, Hunter. Anyways, November 5th, The A4 mentioned gigs, I said, Punchline Atlanta, that's on the 5th of November. The next night, the 6th Rivers Casino, Philadelphia. And then November 7th, Seoul, Joel's Potsdam, PA. Boy, I'm not looking forward to that weekend. I could use an extra cash, though. I might buy a new guitar with that cash.

Go to Nick Dip.com to get your tickets now before they're sold out. And while you're there, go to the merchandise page. We have some Asian kids that work hard on the shit in the Philippines. I don't know why they're there. They look Asian. Also at nickdip.com. You can get all this stuff. And it supports the show when you buy a hat, hoodie, IUDs, tampons, plastic hips, clown shoes.

Also, you want to send a personalized video to someone? I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to. Book that at shoutout.us or don't. I'd like you to, though. It helps feed my dog. Who has bulimia? I caught it sticking its pot on its throat after we gave it some outpole. I punted it into the other guy's yard.

Let's move on. A new way to terrorize aircraft. Oh, great. I'm telling you, as Jonathan Katz said, another comedian, I don't want, talking about the dangers of it. I don't want to die in the name of Big Top Fund. A German airport that serves as a logistics hub was seemingly targeted as part of a plot. carried out by enemies of the West. That would be the Democrat Party.

How they did it is a wake-up call about the vulnerability of air travel worldwide. Leipzig slash Hall Airport in eastern Germany almost became the site of disaster. But whether it was luck or poor execution, a mass casualty event was barely avoided. The airport is used by German military and it's NATO allies for military transport,

but at the same time it serves as a base for Ukraine's Antenov Airlines. That just sounds dangerous. Putin Airlines. Ukraine Airlines. And Ukrainian aerial cargo was the apparent target when a drone was spotted carrying an explosive device. Excuse me. an explosive device near the anthony of planes.

Look how big? Me and Dallas will look at this earlier. Look at the size of that goddamn plane. The guys on that thing they're almost the same size as the stripe on the thing. I mean, look at it. You know what I'd love?

Windshield's a little tiny, isn't it? That's all you need, apparently. And like, Dale said how does that get off the ground? How the fuck does that get that really is. That's up there as far as one of the greatest inventions.

That and the vibrating for men. I put those neck in neck. Anyways, look at that. The drone was fitted. This is what's scary. The drone was fitted with military great explosives, including Semtex and Pente-

Aerithereal. Tetra-2928. That's P.E.T. and Dallas has him in his car. What the hell's going on out here? Nothing. Fortunately, the detonator on the drone apparently malfunctioned, rendering the explosive useless. Ukrainian officials blame Radio Shack.

Moreover, a second unidentified object actually made contact with the cargo aircraft near the same airport, but the plane seemingly absorbed a blow and later landed in Hanover Germany with minor damage. ay ay ay ay ay ay yi you know folks the russians have blown civil you know civil aircraft out of the fucking air meaning commercial aircrafts with people on it and said oh it was an accident they've only done that about three times since i've been alive and um you don't think the fucking well you know

they're in bed with iran so don't be surprised if you're on a flight you know to disneyland and you look out the window and there's a friggin, you know what, a friggin' drone with a Russian flag on it. Before you say bye to everybody. That's creepy, right? They can just fly. How are you going to snobled that? Like they said, that was because of a malfunction.

He was like that one guy in Ukraine, the food vendor just. Oh, Jesus. Just following him around. Last week, that's right. We showed a food vendor in like a parking lot in Ukraine. and the goddamn Russians had a drone chasing him around his own truck and it fucking exploded. How he didn't get hurt.

But the thing was chasing him. You get nervous at the beach when there's a beer on your hat. Can you imagine this? Holy smokes. I might want to get one loaded up. Just for the Fourth of July. They love Fourth of July down here. It's insane.

Although this, did you notice, I don't know, maybe different neighborhood. We usually on the Fourth of July, hear shit going off, the whole week. They start early down here. We didn't hear anything and barely anything. What? Any idea?

No idea, but it was quiet around us too. Yeah. What the fuck was that about? Maybe it's because Trump would, everybody was in watching Trump do his. They knew they'd look silly compared. I still have that. I saved that like a kid.

I've never, remember, what are they? 800,000 fireworks? It was 40 minutes long. Oh, I love it. Meanwhile, you know, third world shitholes are going, we don't even have guns that do that. That's why we're the best ever. Let's move on.

This story is for the birds. We're staying on aircraft. Avion's story. An American Airlines plane was forced to make an emergency landing in South Carolina after flames were seen shooting from the engine when the aircraft reportedly struck a bird. I would say birds. They said there was a bunch of

pieces of birds on the I don't know here's my thing on this. You can't put like a screen in front of that. You know what I mean? Not a fine mesh one. One that lets air in but that keeps a fucking condor out.

How about the birds? How about the guy that got sucked in a few months ago on the... He was crazy. He ran on the... He was... You know, they said he was nuts. And he ran in front of the...

the engine and got sucked in. And you can imagine cleaning that out? That's got to be fucking tremendous. It's like an explosion at Ogichi meat market that I'll never see again. Dramatic video filmed by passenger Pat Gottwalt shows flame streaming from beneath the left wing moments after the Boeing 7. So now I have to worry about drones. And we've seen how many stories have I done of this?

Even before you got here, Dallas. It has to be about my, I'd say, 12th with flames are coming out of a... Good Lord. Beneath the left wing, moments after Boeing... You realize a plane, you're flying in a giant gas can. You understand that, right, folks? It's filled with enough fuel to blow up a fucking small city, so... That's why I'm surprised you see flames come out and something.

Most of the times, nothing happens. That's why I think you'd be able to smoke in the bathroom. They say, fucking... they're exaggerating. Did you know you can't destroy a smoke detector in a plane? that's what makes it hardest for people who fly a lot to have to sit through that speech that hasn't changed since the fucking Wright brothers took off

it is I can't take it again explaining a seatbelt I've done that too I go oh some people laugh some people are so dumb they don't even get it that's how bored I am I go oh

and you know what's great the flight attenders usually smile or wink because they feel the same way Oh, they're winking at me because they were a fucking gay Puerto Rican guy. That's the whole my peepie. What? Anyways, after the Boeing 737 took off from Myrtle Beach on Monday and flew over the water, several loud popper noises were heard before orange flashes were seen coming from the wing.

Nearby beachgoer, Lindsay Mackie told CNN. Actually, Lindsay, I don't know if it's a guy or a girl, because as you know, Lindsey, Graham was at South Carolina, so it could be a fella. Anyways, whoever this person is, could be both, has actual footage out the window. Check it out. Right there, I'd be shitting into that throwback. Enough is enough.

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. Make me sick. Remind me of my death. American Flight 1760. was making the short journey to Charlotte, North Carolina, with 172 passengers and nine crew on board when the pilot reported it in issue. Mayday, Mayday, that's what you want to hear. Mayday.

We've got an engine problem here, the pilot said shortly after a takeoff, and the man in the tower responded, quit being a pussy. It's a little flame. According to a recording taken from live ATC, I saw he took up birds. It looked like at least in the... the left side engine said another pilot who saw the bird strike on the radio, multiple bird

remains were found on the runway being picked up and fried by black passengers. What? Hey, it's South Carolina. You ain't going to let that go away. By operations workers as the plane circled and prepared to make an emergency landing, American Airlines confirmed that the flight returned to Myrtle Beach. after departure due to a maintenance issue. You mean flames coming out of the engine? What the fuck is that? When I was first doing comedy, probably about 8, 10 years in,

I did a gig in somewhere near North Carolina, and I had to take a puddle jumper to Charlotte from somewhere. And it was like 10, 12 people it held, but the air conditioner was broke. And it was like 103 that day. And the guy apologized, even before we get on, they're like, we had, you know, we have a problem with the AC. And so we get on. And then he goes, we're going to hit some turbulence.

It looked, it looked like one of those gray, mean skies. Dude, thing was bouncing. First of all, before it took out, I was getting nauseous because of the heat. And everybody's going like this. I'm looking at, you know, fucking ladies are going like this. And I'm getting nauseous. and we get up there and I am

I mean we're going like this I don't I used to get motion sickness as a kid not as adult I've been plenty of rough dude I blew my lunch into the fucking bag I blew my lunch into the bag

and I was like embarrassed and I look over a guy next to me business suit same thing and somebody behind us I don't know who it was of the guy or a lady but I fucking

thank God for that bag you know I had eaten a hooker like 12 hours earlier and that thing came up like no I don't know what I ate but it came up and it's so you know it's so gross and I remember the flight attendant was kind of young and cute you had a hander to the bag on the way up

you look at the bag and it's like carrots I didn't eat carrots oh gross carrots you're right they're always like you know you just remind me of I'm in high school, fucking senior year, Diane Keefe has a party, go to her house. I got my, I had, I had 16 ounce. The fuck, what was I drinking? I think there might have been buds because that's all I could find. I wasn't a big butt, 16 ounce bud wise. And I get there and everybody's,

and I, you know, and Mikey sigh and my buddy's like, see how fast you can drink, you know, I drank like two of them. Like, I mean, I didn't even have time to burp after the first one. And then we started doing shots. All of a sudden, you know, a couple hours later, I'm going, oh, I remember I had chicken pot pie. I go upstairs, I'm puking my brains off. And when you're in high school and you're getting fucked up all the time, and you've puked a few times. So it wasn't any big deal.

I'm like, oh, Jesus, where's your bathroom? Not like, oh, no, I'm going to puke. Had plenty of time to get out. And I'm blowing fucking lunch. Mikey Syke comes in, my buddy, Polish, fullback linebacker, give you the ideas, mentality. He comes in, he's standing over me laughing. I'll never forget it.

I look up, I'm on all fours, and there's like, you said, carrots and peas on it, and he goes, he's going like this, shooting him around the room. I go, you're a gross fucking bastard. Fucking laughing is a, Rocco! Oh, my God. And then Billy, Billy Rossi's, um, his sister's husband, Harry, picked us up in a Mercedes.

And, you know, you have little memories that stick with you forever? I just remember getting in the car and meatloaf, bad out of hell was the number one album. And that was on the fucking radio. That's all I remember. Every time I hear that now, I think about me, Ralph and nice story, huh? And Harry had to drop me off at my house. I'm staggering into the fucking, no. Anyways, like Dallas said, carrots.

I chew the carrots. It's like they go in your stomach and they become whole again. Like I'm an alchemist. Let's move on to speaking of pukin and being drunk. Tony Romo partially sacked. The NFL on CBS is keeping Tony Romo on the bench. President of CBS sports, David Burson, I could just tell by that ruling he's a puss.

said Tuesday at NFL on CBS Media Day. We're already there, folks. It's here. My brother's already sent out the thing for the pool. Alice, I am in shock. I said last year, I can't believe how fast that year. I'm in, Jesus Christ, I might as well say goodbye right now.

They're getting shorter. It's a phenomenon. It's a phenomenon. Nobody, well, my dad told me. But, anyways, you guys have heard that many times, but it's fucking frightening. Weren't you and I just chatting about college football ending

and we were depressed and shit? Mother of God. Media Day, anyways, previewing the 2026 NFL season that the status of Romo, who was indefinitely put on leave after his arrest for driving under the influence last month, we showed this story, has not changed. The president said it's an evolving situation,

and we are still assessing births, said there was no timetable or a final decision at this time. Hey, the fuck are we doing here? He added, I hope he can respect and appreciate this is a personal matter and a legal one for Tony. I hope you can respect that he's a human being and he's the one you gave zillions of dollars because he was so good. He's actually, you know, he was an average quarterback. He actually, as far as broadcasters go, he's the reason that Tom Brady,

he gets $50 million a year from Fox. He got the first big one because he was really good at it. Anyways, why was Romo put on leave before the legal process plays out? Somebody asked, we have to consider the impact on our image and our brand. Here's where I call foul on your image and your brand. He's talking about CBS. CBS, you've had the NFL on your network for 1,000 years. and for a thousand years

we've watched athletes on the news getting busted for selling drugs punching out their girlfriend usually running backs

or players of color let's be honest I can bring up a thousand clips if you're calling me a racist but white guys too I'm just saying we've seen it on on camera

remember the guy Hunt, the running back for the Chiefs, he was through some brother. It wasn't as bad as some other ones. He just fling this. She looked like a trash. Anyways. But I'm saying, and you didn't go, you know what? This is going to hurt our image or our brand, did you? You just saw the NFL and zillions of dollars in front of you. So don't give me this shit. What's it? Because he's a white guy and he had a few drinks.

Let me tell you something. For you guys my age, who started watching the NFL back in the 70s, there was a broadcast team made up of Pat Summerall and Tom Brookshire. Two great announces. They had great chemistry. And what did they have in common? They both drank like fish. And it wasn't a secret.

You could hear it on air sometimes. You're like, they sound a little fucked up today. I mean, they were known for it. We laughed at it. You know why? Because they were ex-NFL players, yet they were very good at what they did. And I mean, hardcore drink.

You can fucking Google. Pat Somerol. I told Dallas Pat Summerall, they had to land. He was on a flight going across the country. They had to land because his liver like exploded. He was bleeding out. They had to fuck a land and save him.

Then he died a few years later. His daughter is somebody famous. I can't remember who. But the point being is he got pulled over after a golf tournament for having a couple drinks. Again, really? You're going to give him the can, but

again, you'll cover games where there's, you know, domestic violence and rapists and please stop your fucking hypocrisy. He says our image, that's very important to us. The focus should be, it needs to be, on our presentation and this great product and not on any others. Oh my God. What he's really saying to Tony is, who's your fucking boss, huh? Who's your fucking boss? He's jealous. Fortunately, we have a deep bench. And everybody's stepping up. What are you going to do?

Put Mike Wallace in there. Romo 46 was arrested on July 23rd in Wisconsin in charge with operating while intoxicated. A term interchangeably used in some Midwest states with driving under the influence. Well, thanks for explaining that to us. Here's a little clip, if you don't remember Tony. It's just funny watching, he's such a great athlete and he's got a dykey cop telling him to do squats. and he was so fucked up, he goes, I already did the combine.

Now, go ahead, roll it. Keep the front lead foot on the line. Shut up, you clam lapper. And turn by taking a series of small steps on your neck. I'm going to demonstrate with three. You will do nine, okay? Yes, thank you.

Sounds good. Sounds good. Tony is just going along whatever what she says. And again, I'll make another argument. Should be no female carbs, not one. I got it till I'm blue in the face. And sold every male cuff

who has one as a partner, no matter how dyke. Some of them are pretty. Remember there was a New York NYPD one. She was a Hispanic. She'd get kicked off the force because she did a calendar. She was like this, you know, naked and shit.

Miss February. It is considered a traffic violation, not a criminal charge in Wisconsin. And he is facing And that's why I get a like Wisconsin on that one. It's just a traffic thing. He's, I don't know if he can handle this, though. He's getting fined $1,568.

I don't know. It's only making about 40 a year, mill. But do you see what I'm saying? The country is so feminized and pick your fights and shit, will you? Jesus. Let men be land. Yeah, but, Nick, you're condoning drinking and driving. Yeah. As Lenny Clark said, how are we going to get home?

Probably not for my, I've told this too. Anyways, I won't, but I have a joke about how drinking and driving, you know, they exaggerate how dangerous it is. And I did it at a gig, and my buddy who I, he was our kicker up at University of Maine, great guy. His family's there to see me. I hadn't seen him in years. I hadn't talked to him in years, until he saw me coming, text me, and I said, yeah, I'll get your ticket. I do that bit.

After he comes up and says, hi, he was great about it. And he goes, before I introduce you, I want to tell you something. His son was killed by a drunk driver at age like 17, great athlete, handsome. And I've never apologized to anything I said on stage, but that was. you know, and it still bothers me. That's the risk when you do, that's why, you know, some of those jokes are a little edgy. But Jesus did that one, because he's such a good guy. And I did not feel good about that, folks.

It's one of the few times. Made plenty of tables of freshman NYU girls cry because they thought I was mean. That's fine. I slept like a baby on those. They had it coming. They had haircuts like me and mustache. Let's move on to a story I call Glove Me Tender. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Officers, that would be ICE, by the way.

Save the ink. Fuck face. May soon be outfitted with gloves. Listen to this. That can deliver painful electric shocks intended to gain compliance from combative individuals. I got these for my wife's for when we're in bed. She doesn't want to wear them. I said, let me wear them.

And she said, no, I don't want him. So I gave him to my nephew. He's like 33. He's still single, hangs out in bars. She's a nice hot one. She's out. Ice plans to spend up to $20 million to purchase thousands of conductive distraction and de-escalation devices for offices and agents by March.

The minute I read that paragraph, I'm like, oh, boy, Let's see what kind of fury is going to come from the left on this one. The devices are known as glove. Why do you have to do that? I hate when they do this. They have to force an acronym on you, which stands for, like anybody's going to remember this, generated low output voltage emitter. You can ask anybody who's been on the victim end of this.

They're not going to call it low output. It's like, I can't have kids anymore. and are manufactured by compliant Technologies LLC of Lexington, Kentucky. My boy Dallas had knows the guy. Did he come up with the idea? Yeah, it was an answer to make things more efficient

versus taser because people can fight through tasers. Oh, I've seen it. People can't fight through this. No. I've seen, I just saw a clip as one of those ID shows or one on the crime show, but they shot, they blasted some guy

big white dude, scary motherfucker. Probably on meth, I don't know. But they zapped them and he did this and he pulled them off and he kept running for the car. Probably have a couple layers of fat. They have been used in recent years by some jails and police departments. Here's a quick demonstration on how they work.

Cops may start to use these electric shock gloves as they release electric current instantly when come in contact with the skin. Simply gripping someone's arm can briefly paralyze them. Is this a good? Is it? Yeah, I'll answer that, yes. Of course, you know, and again, mostly women, ICE

has already done enough damage. You can't trust them with Civil Rights Advocates expressed alarm at the plan. You know what, Civil Rights Advocates, we've had enough of your shit. Because that civil rights advocates, that was supposed to be like the Southern Poverty

Law Center, who turned out to be a hate group in itself, and actually paid paid the clan to do hateful shit, actually paid for the crosses they burnt. Literally. That's how little racism I'm getting off the topic here

is in the country. They had to pay to create some. Excuse me. These are the same people that whine about that. Civil rights advocates expressed alarm at the plan saying ICE officers already face criticism for the use of force with little oversight or accountability while enforcing President Donald Trump's

immigration crackdown. Yeah, great point. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. You know what? How many thousands? It's got, is it got to be in the millions now? Millions of contacts has ICE had with illegals and trying to get, and we've had a couple of deaths.

And if the country and Trump was a dictator and all that shit you say, no kings, there'd be about 400 deaths. They never bring up the danger of people. Come up with something that will blow up a car when it's coming at a nice guy. How about that? Now, these gloves, I think I should have, and again, young males. It's very hard to get laid out there. You just go up there, sit next to a girl.

Or girls wear them for protection. You know what I mean? If you're out in the park and some creepers hitting on you, whatever, go, all right, let me give you a little smooch and then grab them by his nuts. You know what I'm saying? Make some nice Belgian waffles. Compliant technology says the devices function as a normal pair of patrol gloves until officers press a switch to activate.

I want a pair of these dales. I'll pay for them. Tell your buddy. God damn. You can make breakfast like this. Just fucking hold a pack of bacon. Anyways, they press a switch and it activates it to the electrical mode. The gloves must be applied directly to someone's skin, even better, to deliver.

a pain stimulus. So that has to be, that's going to mean a throat or a face or a hand. I mean, I guess I'm thinking many apples in the winter, but I guess in a summertime you can see it. It's immediate and sharp and it will distract you. I call it like a bee sting, said John. I love the bee sting thing.

That's what doctors used to say when you're going to get a shot as a kid. It's like a bee sting. Who had that? Oh, this comedian, Tom. his whole thing was sarcastic shit, but that was one of them. Oh, a beasting. In that case, give me one of the arm and the ass. Said John Peters, president of the Institute for the Prevention of In-Custody deaths, Jen Rolnik-Bochetta, or as we say in Italian in Bochetta,

deputy project director on policing at the American civil liberty, a chick in charge of policing at the ACLU. I wonder how she thinks in votes, said the public should have no confidence that ICE offices will use the devices appropriately. Why is that? They've already got millions of rapists, not millions of rapists, millions of illegals and hundreds of rapists and people who attract

trafficking children out of the country. And a couple people have died that arguably deserved it. So shut the fuck up. Go home and make your husband a BLT and I in his shirt you're fucking war. And this video here will show that it's not even as close to as dangerous as

they're making it at all. This is Dallas's buddy on the right, right? Who came with it and um and this is a guy they found hitchhiking in the middle they said you want to make 50 bucks we're going to demonstrate now watch this but let's say at some point well you want to pull my arm away you want to try to resist well why you go ahead and try to do that now so all all right i'm going to tell you from someone who's been electrocuted by 277 and 600 at a panel level that feels like 120 on a steady grab it feels like electricity grabbing you and it literally just yeah no scars burn we don't

we don't do anything to the tissue all we did is stimulate the nerve endings in the skin turn it up felt like my thumb just actually went in your body I got to hold your did you hear all that but if a guy goes down like that I would love to see a belligerent drunk chick giving a cop shit the chick's not gonna go oh and then laugh like he did they're gonna you know try to sue you a fucking that is a great thing I want one just for fun I'd go to the B&B and I'd grab the fucking

twat waitress I got me banned from there by her fucking neck she's probably gone let's move on asshole in one Zach Holland a two handicapped amateur golfer there he is lives on butter and cream

who played collegiate at William Carey University WCU I returned punch there back in the 70s and set a record resigned from his membership at Winghaven Country Club. This is a great story. After security footage showed him

faking a hole. You can't even cheat and golf with all the cameras around. Hole in one during the members only event at the O'Fallan Missouri course. I had a clip of him celebrating for like five minutes, high-fiving and shit. I don't know where the fuck it is.

I sent Dallas the wrong, whatever. So we have, but I just wanted to see he's a fat golfer, chubby guy. And we have a clip of him making a long put during a thing, so we'll show that instead. Let's go. Come on, 209. 209?

What's that? Huh? No, it's his blood pressure. The dais dog number. Watch just so. He can golf, you know, like John Daly, fat fuck, but he's got a nice touch. Oh, my God.

Put him in a minute. Thank you. We're getting married in September. What's up, Megan? That's our winner. What's up, Megan? truly $500. Who's getting married?

All right, that's good. Who's getting married? The other guy? Oh, the fat guy's getting married. Anyways, he looks like you cheat. Again, my take on this, it wasn't the goddamn, you know, British Open, U.S. Open of the Masters. But still, you belong to a club, and, you know, it's going to make your friends go keep an eye on you. During a Friday interview with the morning after show on 101 ESPN St. Louis,

Holland said he admitted to club officials that he faked the hole in one and said his wife and two young children faced online vitriol. Only in America. You do something as dumb as I did. There are consequences for that, Holland said. Holland explained that he placed his golf ball in the cup at the par three four hole before the start of the event. which includes a whole in one prize pot. Oh, there you go. And then lied to his partners.

He said, there's no excuse for what I did, and I was completely in the wrong. There's really no motive. Well, yeah, there was motivation. There was a money. Whole in one, you win the extra money. There's your motivation. Just complete stupidity.

No, you're fat and two. After completing the first three holes with his group, Holland, listen to this, told his players, listen to this scheme, told his playing partners he needed to take a personal phone call allegedly regarding his ill grandmother, the old sick grandmother trick, and that he would tee off on the fourth hole ahead of them and meet them later on on the green. Holland eventually returned to the group and explained that he thinned his t-shot,

which means, oh, bad shot, but wasn't sure where the ball landed. That's when his group found the ball in the cup, and he celebrated what they believed was a hole in one. That's terrible. Security footage reviewed by Winghaven staff showed Holland driving near the fourth green before his

scheduled tea time. He went there before his tea time. And they got he's on, oh my God. They should have this on the ID network. Scheduled his tea time, resulting in him confessing to the fake hole in one and resigning from the

club. Oh, well. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. A piece of shit. Finally tonight on your sister's back hair is thicker than my head. Steakhouse nightmare. A Chicago steakhouse chain has been hit with a lawsuit more than a year after a local veteran suffered permanent, and I say veteran, I mean a military veteran, suffered permanent brain injuries from eating allegedly contaminated oysters during a visit now still has to go to court and shit so and you know I'll tell you the story and you decide but this guy was a marine a healthy guy and um you know he's I love raw oysters love him um and he was at the steakhouse Gibson's and Chicago's have great steakhouses anyways this guy was a patriot and whatnot and now look what it's a

Paul allegedly did to him. A Marine Corps veteran and retired Illinois firefighter has been hospitalized for more than a year with permanent brain injuries allegedly caused by eating raw oysters. Joe Belgio allegedly went into cardiac arrest and fell into a months-long coma and suffered permanent brain damage after eating contaminated oysters at Gibson Steakhouse and Bar in Oak Brook, Illinois on June 30, 2025, according to a lawsuit obtained by ABC 7 Chicago. Belgio's fiancé, Melanie Steyer, said the couple was out celebrating with family

when he ate the oysters before he fell gravely ill. All right. I want people. Ah, shut up, lady. The 44-year-old, he probably wanted to stay home and watch a game that night. It's your fault. No, I'm kidding. Poor bastard, you've got to be.

The 44-year-old Joe Belgio, who was a Marine and a firefighter. You know, it's always the bad guys that happens to. became ill in early July 2025 days after a family meal at Gibson's barn steakhouse at Oak Brook, a Chicago suburb. I probably played it. It alleged that Cicero resident Belgio, who has a toddler daughter named Carmella with his fiance, Melanie Steyer, became severely ill and was left in a coma for months. Jesus! after eating contaminated raw oasis at the steakhouse on June 30th.

He ended up getting very, very ill and resulting in cardiac arrest where he lost consciousness and oxygen for at least eight minutes and was revived by this very fire department that he works for. And has been in the hospital ever since, his attorney, Scott O'Sullivan, said, the complaint which also named Fish and Seafood distributor, Supreme Lobster and Seafood Company, as a defendant, alleges that the doctors ran tests and found several pathogens associated with shellfish contamination. The filing alleges that he contracted enteropathogenic E. coli. And plesiomonas

chageliodos, a tight end for the Eagles in the 90s. And Vibrio Calere, that's Latin, for I'm sick as a motherfucker, from eating oysters and the Belgios physicians determined to a reasonable degree of medical certainty that his subsequent health problems were caused by consuming the oysters. The Steakhouse, their argument is nobody else that day got sick from him. And it might have been a pre, you know, something in him, a condition in him that triggered it. It's going to be hard to prove, I think. Although I know that you're saying, well, the seafood path. I know that, but nobody else had that reaction.

So, God, oh, can you imagine trying to do the right thing by a family and, that's why you're going to stay single, guys. No, it's a joke. Relax. Sit down. The show was very sexist today, Nick. Yeah, whatever. You don't know what happened before I left the house.

It's a joke, too. All right, that is it for a Wednesday. Oh my God. Is it really? Okay. Don't forget Cameo.com. Apparently you have, if you want me to roast a friend or relative,

you know, say happy birthday of your uncle, go to Cameo.com. Click on my profile and it tells you what they do. It's a lot of fun. People get a kick out of it. That's it. You guys think it. You're very welcome.

We will see you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow. Have a great rest of your day. Hi. Good night, everybody.