The Nick DiPaolo Show - I.C.E. Hits Back! | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1759

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

In this episode, Nick talks about America’s fracturing republic, L.A. Mayor Bass disrupting ICE, the left’s violent Trump derangement, and a heads-up baseball play that toes the line of legality. Watch Nick on the FREE RUMBLE LIVE LINEUP at 6pm ET https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow TICKETS - Come see me LIVE! For tour dates and tickets -  https://nickdip.com MERCH - Grab some snazzy t-shirts, hats, hoodies,mugs, stickers etc. from our store! https://shop.nickdip.com/ SOCIALS/COMEDY-  Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy -  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/   

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I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. I'm gonna be a good boy. They're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder. Yes, brought to you by Raisin Bran. Hello folks, welcome to the great state of Georgia 6 p.m. Eastern where I am if you want to believe that good to be with you how you doing a lot going on we'll get to it in a second look at these see these that's about four hours sleep every night I don't know what's going on. I actually, well, I got the sleep apnea. I know what's going on.

And my wife has it too. And she tried to get, you know, the mask thing doesn't work. And I watched her go through all that shit first. And she tried to get a mouthpiece made by a dentist. And because of the insurance and shit, that took, she never got it, by the way. About six months into it, going back and forth with insurance and she quit and shit. So now I'm going through it and I'm like,

I wonder if I can mouth it and she goes, no you don't. So I'm using the one I use in high school and football. It's not working. I'm so desperate to sleep, folks. If I didn't have coffee, I wouldn't be here. My manager Tommy went through it even worse. He was having 100 and something episodes an hour throughout the night.

I have 16, they said, or 17, whatever the fuck. Anyhow, so I'm so desperate, I sent away for these patches that you put on you, and they release all kinds. Can I just say something? I only believe in Western medicine, not this, oh, yeah, turmeric. It's good.

Shut the fuck up. What is this, 1850 in Calcutta? But I'm so desperate, I try this shit. It's got valerium in it. I put it on my chest last night, like an hour before I went to bed. And of of course it had a rainbow on it. It's a gay company. So I went to bed early.

No, got that on my chest and then I ordered this tea. It all came yesterday. And you know the tea, I've read this a million times. It's got melatonin in it, valerian, anything that doesn't make you sleep but sounds like it does can be you know cam a meal let me just put a cock in my mouth I'm I drank that I put the patch on and shit and I felt a little relaxed that's what it's supposed to do

and went to bed I for me extremely early 1230 1225 and guess who pops up wide awake at fucking 208, two hours later, and laying this. Oh, I didn't tell you the best part. I tried to use the mask last night. I said, I'm going to try to use everything. The patch, the fucking, the thing, the tea, cat licking my nuts, white noise, colored kids, black noise,

and making me fucking. So I tried all that. And in the middle of the night, that's what it was at 2 o'clock. I hear, shh, shh. I fucking ripped the thing. Now I am wide awake. If I get a little mad, I'm staring at the ceiling like I smoke two

bags of crack. So I go, the only way to settle this is to rub one out. And then I saw, you know, I go to the porn and, and, and I, I, I, all of a sudden I'm like Scorsese. I'm fucking looking at every go and that's not going to do it. The fucking lighting's bad there. His dick looks too much like mine for that to work uh... she's fat he's a cock-holed but uh... i'm looking at the film like i'm a fucking roger ebert before i settle on one which is about four after five this is all true

andy ways i wake up in my underwear which I used as a rag, is standing against the wall like an ironing board. Wife said, what are you doing in there? None of your fucking business. Give me a cup of tea. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr These as you get older this is blood by the way when you have dark circles. That's blood settling under there and Anyways hello boys and girls welcome to the live lineup The lineup is packed with great shows from 9 a.m. To 7 p.m. You see it rolling across the screen right there Look at you got I see Russell Brand in there of course

louder with Crowder, which is a killer show, and Vance and Tim Pool, real heavy hitters from a nine amp to seven pin Eastern. Today on my show, I'll be talking about America's fracturing republic. I said this right after Trump won in January, and I saw that the left was gonna double down instead of admitting they were wrong about stuff, and I said, we're gonna get closer to Sabour now. They're shooting at ICE people

The left because that's what happens when you're on ideas you go to violence. That's how every war started failed policies Anyhow, so you'll see you know mayor, her making the ass of herself that she is. And oh, I'm going to show you a baseball play. We like these little sports here. We're a heterosexual show. And there's a play. I don't even know what it was. Minor leagues, high school, college.

I'll show it to you. And if you don't faint, you're a girl. What? I have no fucking idea. Anyways, let's get to the first thing before I forget to do the first thing. Civil Wars of Bruin, the A4 mentioned prediction on my part, and again, you can go back 20 shows. A man with a rifle and tactical gear, that should be a tip off right there because there

was a bunch of them with tactical gear. And I don't believe the rank and file who vote Democrat all have, matter of fact they're very anti-gun. So for a bunch of them to have tactical gear is kind of, you know, kind of George Sherwish. Was shot dead by police after he opened fire at a border patrol facility in Texas, I think it was McCallum, on Monday morning. Who said that? The Department of Homeland Security. And they wouldn't lie. But yeah, so they're now, the left is now shooting and trying to kill ICE enforcement. And what's hilarious about that is they're doing that

because they're upset about Trump deporting mostly Hispanic people. And guess who most of the ICE people are? See, they're just fucking retarded. And we're going to have to deal with them like a rabid dog. Just put them down. What do you mean? I don't know.

You figure it out. Just do it very gently and nobody sees it. Here's a video I said I wanted to see. I don't know. You figure it out. Just do it very gently and nobody sees it. Here's a video I said I wanted to see. I don't remember what's in it. Fuck it. Go ahead. This is still an active investigation led by the FBI after yet another attack on federal agents in immigration enforcement. The attacker opened fire early this morning outside of That's the attacker. How had that work out silly in what Fox is told was Clearly a planned ambush border patrol agents and local police returned fire Hitting and killing the shooter who was armed with an assault rifle

Sounds like Monty Python's doing it Next to him lied a dead parrot not quite said it's faking it Polly want a cracker Polly is a cracker so there you go this is what the left does okay and it's always been that read your fucking history they ran into a guy named Donald Trump who's running circles around them politically intellectually and and they don't know what to do other than to lash out because look who runs the friggin them Democrat Hakeem Jeffries IQ of a fucking avocado Chuck Schumer just name anyone I mean

Fetters the smartest one over there now. What does that take? We don't talk about that enough either. When that guy had a stroke and his brain was fried, he turned into a full blown lib. And soon as it healed up, in other words, he came back to his senses, literally. He speaks more logic and reasoning

than anybody on that side. The Justice Department on Monday named ten individuals named one. No. Ten individuals. Actually that was wrong on my part to even joke. You know what it is? It's usually white angry people. Well off to do people.

They named, although I read the names, I were too many. There were a lot of Hispanics in there. Monday named ten individuals charged with shooting a police officer in the neck and opening fire on the correctional offices outside the Prairie Land Detention Center where I bought a rescue in Alvarado, Texas. That happened on the 4th of July. The group, they were donning all black. A lot of people thought it was mumminschanz. You're going to be old to get that one. Allegedly first began shooting fireworks at the facility, which is being used by the Department of Homeland Security to hold people related to immigration violations awaiting deportation. Immediately after the officer got out of his vehicle, one defendant positioned in nearby

woods allegedly shot the officer in the fricking neck. I don't know, you think this has anything to do with MSNBC, CNN, ABC, George Stephanopoulos, all calling ICE the Gestapo and Nazis and shit. You think that has anything to do with it? Because see, they know people who vote Democrat are a little bit retarded. It's always been that way. And they know they have the media. They still control most of the media. And they know if they make up a bunch of shit, propaganda that you idiots, again, who voted for Biden, will will buy it and you're doing it again because you just fucking retarded anyways another assailant wearing a green mask and standing across the street then allegedly fired 20 to 30

rounds at an unarmed correctional officer who had stepped outside the facility knocking the cigarette from his hand no the FBI recovered a R-style rifle from the scene uh... the group fled from the detention center separately someone foot someone uh... you know what red wagons couple investors they didn't get far

and were laid a stop by other law enforcement officers prosecutors set a total of twelve sets of body armor his work state twelve sets of body armor. Here's where it see 12 sets of body armor So to me, that's a red flag. This is organized shit Remember they were dropping off bricks during the George Floyd riots and pallets and shit 12 sets of body armor were found. They didn't get it at Dick's Sporting Goods during searches of vehicles

associated with the defendants on their persons and in the area around the Prairie Land Detention Center law enforcement also found spray paint magazines containing ammunition and flyers. That's all shit that you hand out. Real protesters they don't do that shit. They show up with their fat kids in t-shirts and just yell out shit they heard in msnbc the night before they don't have tactical gear and shit so that's why i say we're inching towards it feels like to me

uh... civil war because eventually one of these jerk-offs is gonna shoot at a ice agent he's gonna shoot back miss and hit somebody who was just standing there but so so you want to go to walk you want to go to walk with the people okay tony we have not

senti for well i'll tell you tony that's a deeper uh... let me tell you something my mom already outed last week of the rough shape you know i know i'm not a good-looking guy. I went to my proctologist, he stuck his finger in my mouth. I'll tell you. Jason, I found two clips of Rodney on Carson in his hay day. One of them was his last appearance and then I found another. And again, he did about 15 minutes, what we call panel, sitting down. Johnny feeding him straight lines.

But he didn't repeat any jokes from the, you know. If I could do it over again, one liners. Especially now with the average American comedy audience goer has the attention span of a crack baby from the Bronx. All right, let's move on. Everybody knows you never go full retard. Yeah everybody but the state of California. I love that picture of Knowsam. Look at him. Evil genius. In our West Coast stupid

tonight, it's kind of related to the first story I just did, ICE was doing their job in MacArthur Park, I'm familiar with it, cause I lived in LA, yesterday and Mayor Bass tried to intervene. Let's remember Mayor Bass has connections to Cuba and she's a hardcore Marxist who hides it behind that stupid fucking fake I like white people smile and her shitty jacket from fucking,

you know, Elaine Bryant Bryant I don't know yeah but thank you I didn't want to go there I thought it was offensive if I said banana and she's black and I didn't want to get kicked off the internet you know this was supposed to be the Wild West the internet remember oh you can say anything when it first came out you got more freedom to say shit on ABC at 8 a.m. 8 a.m. speed it up fuckhead all right here's mayor Bass she wanders out there ice is doing their job Trump swam to California LA why wouldn't you that's where 90% of them so she hears about it she was on her way to whatever get a fucking her ass shaved

she's heading and and and so she went over and kind of confronted him and one of the ice guys was nice enough to give the phone to her here it is uh... and they need to know right now who do you think may be the charlie sheen

he's furious apparently he has some property down here It's unacceptable law it orders unacceptable both mayor Mayor who I watched my city burned down because there was no water in the reservoirs Or they were and you wouldn't let it go you stupid So, you stupid... Anyway, so she was on the phone, right? Now a guy named Bill Mollusian, he's been covering immigration for the last, I don't know, 10 years. He's a really handsome kid from LA.

He was always on the border when they were streaming across and shit. So he posted, I think on his ex account, after her call he says I just spoke to border patrol chief Gregory Bovino chief ELC who was the official on the phone with LA mayor Karen Bigmouth Bass at MacArthur Park today. I asked him for his message to her as she demand the raids end and this is what he said to her on the phone, I don't work for Karen Bass, better get used, he said to her, better get used to us now because this is gonna be normal very soon.

We will go anywhere, anytime we want in Los Angeles. She's like, okay, thank you, I understand. And they call the ICE racist and shit, look, there's a black horse next to a white guy, apparently. Anyway, now here's the feckless Marxist douchebag, Mayor Bass. She had a press conference to confirm just how she doesn't get what ICE is doing. Because, well, she does. They want

what's worse for this country, folks. And if anybody tells you differently, I'm giving you permission this year, Thanksgiving, tell your fucking lefty family to fuck off. Yeah, I wanted to become that personal. Let them come over, but give them like stove top stuffing. Don't fucking waste your time with the real shit shit Anyways, here's the dumb douchebag talking again So I went to MacArthur Park because it is very important that Now you can spin it any way you like but in my opinion it's a political agenda of provoking fear and terror pause See how they turn it they fucking turn it illegals are running all over her city

Illegals We send somebody in Trump sent to something to do about it And he's causing fear and chaos and you fuckers who vote for the shit fall for it every time That's how ice people get shot She's fanning the flames you want to get anything left of the frankly it is outrageous and unamerican that we have federal armed vehicles in our parks when nothing

is going on in the parks it's outrageous and un-American that the federal government seized our... It's exactly what she want is un-American. You understand? She doesn't want America to be what it used to stand for. Go to MacArthur Park at 3 in the morning. Take your dog for a walk. You dummy. Meanwhile there's the lady to her right, she was on the Lando Lakes butter Take your dog for a walk. You dummy. Meanwhile, there's the lady to her right.

She was on the Lando Lakes Butterbox. Apparently, she's getting high on her own supply. Look at that. Look at that squaw. Maybe Latino lady. Could be Indian. And then you got a couple douchebags still wearing masks. How about that?

How about that? I think that makes me madder than anything else that happened in this clip. Still wearing masks. You know why? They know how stupid they sound when they talk. They're like, better button it up. Ugh. Then you got that thing over the Lando Lakes girl, that fucking redheaded woman. She just drowned four of her kids in the kitchen sink last night. What a fuck. And the girl with the mask on the left has to show her big tits. And of course, they have to notice them. Anyways. Uh-oh, retard alert. Mayor Bass, like the

guy said, get used to it. They're gonna be in your kitchen when you come down for coffee in the morning. And you see, this is America. It's not Cuba, the country that you get wet over, okay? Anyways, let's move on to bringing on bitches. Democratic lawmakers say their voters are enraged at the lack of ability to count to President Donald Trump's agenda, with some

saying this is what the constituents the voters are telling their politicians that they could resort to violence Axios report even Axios said that the left has lost their mind and I don't think Axios. Los Axios. The outlet says it spoke to over two dozen, that's 24 for you knuckleheads, House Democrats to measure the temperature of the Democratic base anally. What it found was red hot anger, just like my hemorrhoids after I ride a e-bike for two hours, and a burgeoning desire to circumvent the rule of law where explanations that Democrats simply don't hold enough power in Washington, it falls on deaf ears they say our own base is telling us now this is a Democrat politician telling you what the bases tell them they have both

you know they're constituents our own base is telling step we're do what we're doing is not good enough boy call them detectives that there needs to be blood to grab the attention of the press in the public, one such lawmaker said. Well finally we can agree on something, they should be. You guys remember Kent State? You know what I'm getting at. That's where we're headed. See there already is bloodshed, stupid. They don't even realize.

Ice guy got shot in the neck. There's already blood. People have been murdered by illegals and raped and killed by drunk drivers who aren't supposed to be here and dying of fentanyl. All that. There already is blood. Fuck stains.

Now here's Phyllis with sports. Another said their constituents are convinced that civility. Listen to this. This is classic leftist shit, when they're being out-thought? Like I said, somebody said once that war is a byproduct of failed politics. That's what this is. Another constituents, they're convinced that civility isn't working, that they should prepare for violence. Oh, is civility when you burn Tesla cars and throw rocks through windows and shoot at ICE cops? Is that civility? And they should prepare for violence

to fight to protect our democracy. Yeah, and that will go, if they do it, the left is not good at getting physical on a small scale. Remember Antifa? I used to go to those clips, and they would always pick the wrong town, like in Arizona. They'd wander into the parking lot of a 7-Eleven, where there's, I don't know, 11 Hells Angels smoking

fucking camels, non-filtered. And somebody, one of the Antifa throws a Sprite bottle at one of them. But the best one ever, I don't even remember what this protest was about but it it just Just the sound effects whoever dubbed it in was a big three stooges fan, but keep in mind I show this all the time. It's an old clip, but the guys got a skillet in his hand I've dropped that skillet on my own hand and almost broken my fingers fucking thing is heavy He was wheeling it like it was a frisbee.

But listen to the sound effects. Whoever dubbed it in. And folks, the sound is fake, but getting hit with an iron skillet like that will fucking knock your teeth out, you know? Let's play it. I jerk off to this. Oh, Gilligan. Oh, fucking Lola.

Fuck yeah. That's enough. That's enough. Oh, now that's enough. Yeah, now that's enough! That's enough! Oh, now that's enough! Yeah, now that's enough. Can we see that again? Let's take a look in super slow motion.

I'm Jackie Stoog... Gilligan! Oh! Why you... Fuckin' Lola! Fuck ya! That's enough! That's enough! Oh, now it's enough. Alright, I wanted to hear this took it. What's the idea? Get upstairs. Sounds like my dad when I fired it in the basement in high school.

True story. I tried to blame it on a dog, it was me. All hell broke up and I wasn't able to go to spring break through a lamp. A third lawmaker described some of the messages from people online as crazy shit. When they say lawmakers, they're talking about democratic politicians, you people. He said some of the people online are saying crazy shit, saying that some told them to storm the White House and stuff like that. And again, they love to compare this shit.

They always bring up the insurrection where nobody was literally charged with insurrection, where one person died of violence and it was a female veteran, Air Force I believe, Trump supporter, Ashley Babbitt, who got shot in the neck by a fucking Capitol Police black dude with an itchy trigger finger. And yet they have the balls to bring up, oh, cops were beat up and shit. And again, you can find the footage now. I think Tucker Carlson released 30,000 hours of it

that nobody had seen where they were literally escorting. So you can keep bringing that up as long as you want. Other constituents have insisted that lawmakers take on the risk themselves with one lawmaker saying that they were told they should be willing to get shot. Again, I think they have a point. What are you saying? I'm just saying, he said it, I'm just, I'm just planting seeds. Imagine your constituents are saying, you should get your, and you know why they're saying that?

Because they know that the Republicans, conservatives, whatever you want to fucking call them, they're beating you politically now, even though you control the media still. They're kicking your ass. And if it ever did get physical, are you gonna bet on the people who have safe no gun zone signs in their front yard or the fucking 19 rednecks who shoot raccoons off their house for fun their dads were Marines who's gonna win do you think Antifa the angry rich white kid who went to fucking Berkeley now he has to hide his face So yeah, you fucked I guess that's my message. I've enjoyed the show. Take care Let's lighten it up a little baseball

But before I do that, thank you Is it that time already yes it is boys and girls first of all this coming Saturday night I'll be at hyenas and Dallas I don't even know which one it is I've done Fort Worth in Dallas I guess it's the one in Dallas but what I'm saying is I don't remember what she's which until I get there give you an idea what you're dealing with so you got hyenas in Dallas this Saturday night, and this Sunday night, the next night, I'll be at the Dallas, the Secret Group.

The Secret Group. That's right, I'll be doing dick jokes for the CIA, John Brennan. Secret Group in Houston. Looks like a cool little club, I can Google it. And there's the rest of my dates as you can see Tampa Florida August 8th and 9th that's side splitters and then Salt Lake City September 19 and 20 October 3rd the draft house in Arlington Texas and Nashville on October

16th so all those are at nickdip.com while you're there you can buy hats t-shirts nick depalo tampon dispensers aluminum bats nick depalo lube it's good stuff i stole from p diddy's garage that's enough selling what am I Ron fucking Popeil you remember Ron Popeil the pocket fisherman Dallas remember the pocket fisherman excuse me folks yeah let's do some a little bit of sports news real quick I'll bore you with my red socks news but let me tell you I say in about 11 12 years they're gonna be tight. No. They got all these young guys who really don't know what they're doing yet and they can hit the shit out of the ball.

Bregman's coming back, who made the All-Star team by the way, started to roll this Chapman. He stays in shape by whacking his wife around I heard. Remember that when he was with the Yankees? He made it. And I'm forgetting, obviously. Oh my god, I'm forgetting. Who am I forgetting? Bregman, Aroldis Chapman. Oh, and of course, Crochet, our pitcher, leads all of baseball and strikeouts.

ERA 2.2 something. Anyhow. What about Roman? Huh? What about Roman? Well, come on. Roman's a little kid. the ira two point two something anyhow well come on how roman's a little kid roman anthony thank you uh... romance roberts had an accident on the at the again the guy the number one prospecting baseball who the socks brought up a couple weeks ago he was

hitting one fourteen and and again not the boy it get into the weeds here but when you watch baseball, a guy can be hitting 114 for two weeks. I mean, a superstar, that's because he's lining the ball right at people. This guy has already had 10 or 12 walks.

He's got an eye like a fucking, anyways, he went deep last night. He's been getting multiple hits for the last 10 days. He's up to 240 from 114, 250, he's up to 250, and hit a bomb Straightaway center field Fenway's first Fenway Homer and then you got this little skinny guy Rafael Devers. I mean Rafael Devers He's a fat fuck. How dare I said Don Raffaella? Saddam Raffaella this guy might weigh 170 soaking wet. He hits every time he hits a home. It's 400 feet

Anyways, I'm saying they're gonna be really good really quick they might even sneak off sneak into the playoffs but they got Bregman coming back and listen to this this Jason you might have heard this I hear and there's rumors when you read this shit then again it's just writers they're talking because they need a first baseman apparently I think I could play it but they're looking at Peter Lonzo because his time is up with the Mets and Peter Lonzo in Fenway Park, are you shitting me? Oh how would that be for a match? And another guy, Hispanic guy that narrows it down from the National League. Some guy what the hell he's got a real common Hispanic name but he's been an all-star

like seven eight times, 346 career home runs, and talking to him is a fri- anyways, enough of that horse shit. Here's a clip of a game, I don't know if it was college or high school, doesn't really matter, but I've never seen this in a ball game. The Duluth Huskies, sounds like college, thought that season was over, maybe this is an old clip. sounds like college thought that season was over maybe this is an old clip i don't know Duluth Huskies third baseman Ethan uh Sirwick fielded a ground ball as a base runner i'll repeat that he was a base runner there's a ground ball at the short he was on second as a base runner he

feels it cleanly what during the five four the team's 5-4 win over the La Crosse Loggers, bad name, on... Loggers. Tuesday at Wade Stadium in Duluth, Minnesota, and Minnesota? Yeah. Can I get a vodka and tonic too, Nick? You fucking asshole. Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here! The bases were loaded in the bottom of the inning. This is like a close game by the way late in the game with one out and the Huskies were up to bat. Surowick was the runner on second base when a ground ball was hit to the logger shortstop. Lincoln log Larry Lamar, Mike Ryan the third and this is what the base runner did. Check this shit out. I already told you but but you gotta see it. The first one and himself. It's not off of himself.

No, no, it's not. That was a great heads up play there. Oh my goodness. I have never seen that on the baseball field. Ethan Surowick picked up the baseball purposefully gave himself up and allows for the moment. Reagan Reader to reach first base. The legend of Ethan Surowick continues. So anyways he feels it.

What that did was break up the double play. And then the Omp side, they ruled him out or whatever but they fucked it up. Anyways. They let this guy stay or they let the guy at first, I can't remember, but the ruling is he's out and the batter is out. And the Omp's had no idea because no one's ever seen this shit. God forbid they got a book out and Googled fucked up play. After the ball was hit, Surik took a couple steps to his right and fielded the ball like a shortstop.

You notice how cleanly he picked that up? Instead of letting it through the actual shortstop. Anyways, the umpire is deemed to play a fieldless choice six, which is shortstop, which allowed for the bases to remain loaded. And that was wrong. Like I said, they found out after it. The runner on third base remained while the runner on first base advanced to second base, and the batter went to first base.

But nothing really came of it anyway, so. There's no crying in baseball! Yeah, there is. You don't know the rules, silly. Nick, watch your mouth. I'm sorry. Sarawick's quick thinking gave the Huskies a chance to capitalize as giving himself up allowed the inning to continue. However, like I said, according to the Baseball Rules Academy, the umpires got the call wrong,

rule 6.01A6 states that both Sarawak and the batter should have been ruled out and there will be no transgender people in the league. Agree. Agree. If in the judgment of the umpire, a base runner willfully and deliberately interferes with a batted ball, I think you could say that, or a fielder in the act of fielding a batted ball with the obvious intent to break up a double play,

the ball is dead. The umpire shall call the runner out for interference and also call the batter runner because of the action of his teammate. In no event may bases be run or run scored because of such action by a runner. That's what the rule states according to the Baseball Rules Academy. And if you know that book, it's like Genesis. What? I don't have no idea what I just said. It's like Genesis with cleats.

What? Wasn't that quick thinking, though? Yeah. I started at third base. I was a shortstop and a pitcher, like most good athletes, in Little League, and made the All-Star team and all that. But then when I got to high school, I went to third base. And they saw that I could throw it over to first pretty

goddamn hard with no idea where the fuck I was going. When I tell you I made six throwing errors, like before the season started, like in scrimmage games, the coach was like, get the fuck out there to some field. And then I'd fired in from there over the backstop, hit a car in the parking lot. I should have stayed in baseball. I had wheels, man.

I could chase the shit down like a color guy. Anyways, it's about time is the headline. Excuse me. Goddamn. It's about time. Passengers, this is good news for you people like me that travel way more than they want to. I'm a little, see I do this Monday to Thursday instead, I'm looking forward to the weekend and then I remember I gotta get

on a plane to Houston Saturday and then a plane from there, I mean to Dallas Saturday and then a plane to Houston and I get a pit in my stomach after 37 years. So that's why I want to announce today I'm taking up TAP. That's right, the shoes. Passengers at some airports across the United States no longer have to remove their shoes during regular TSA security checks. Well, I've been doing pre for the last 10 10 years and you don't really have to in PRE.

But can I just say this about PRE? That's a bunch of shit now because I think you guys have noticed if you have the little green check mark, your line is 15 times longer than the regular fucking thing. And once again when the government's involved, shit just doesn't work. I'm watching people in wheelchairs, one leg scoot by me and fucking doing donuts after they get through giving me the finger. Anyways, no longer, you might not have to remove your shoes during a regular TSA security. Two sources familiar with the change, confirm that to CBS News and I go there for all my

fucking lies. I always get behind the guy who, I don't know, he's about 450 pounds. It's August, I'm in Tennessee, humidity's about 755, and he takes off his loafers and he's got no socks on and it's like somebody took a, there it is, there it is, and then he sits behind me and he puts that foot through the chair in the middle on my arm rest. And then I suck on his toes until they look like that. Delicious. White House press secretary, Carolyn Leavitt, who we love, Caroline Leavitt, also, she's

from New Hampshire, by the way, feisty little thing, also seemed to confirm the change, calling it big news from the Department of Homeland Security in a post on X early Tuesday. She is a little bit better than KJP, Karen Jean-Pierre. Remember her? She wrote a book. I don't think anybody bought it. I don't think anybody bought it because we know, first of all, she's illiterate. And she had cornrows. That's two strikes. She ate pussy, and it's a ball outside. That has to go up in the thing.

I'm sorry. I know my parents will see it. Parents, singular. Sorry. Unless dads get fucking cable hook up in hell. I mean, heaven. Let's take a look at Carol Levitt explaining the situation as far as, this is good, again, I'm a little excited.

It'll speed up everything, hopefully, but here's a story about TSA. Those sources tell ABC News you'll be able to keep your shoes on when going through security. TSA officers across the country received a memo about those changes on Sunday, but supervisors, they were made aware of the coming shift last week. Sorry there wasn't Caroline Leavitt. That was me doing her. I don't like when they

take my hair jelly. Look at that. That's what you want to, there you go. Walk across that floor. That was local news apparently. We're spoiled here in Savannah and like I said, I keep bringing it up, but Condi Nast, whatever that is, magazine, fashion, fuck face, they voted Savannah Airport the best airport last year in the country. And like I said, it really is. But they're expanding it. It's getting bigger and bigger. The change appears to be a phased approach.

I'm talking about not having to take your shoes off, sources said. And the first airports where the no shoes requirement is expiring. So you're going to be able to take your shoes off real quickly very soon, if not already. In Baltimore, Washington International Airport, Fort Lauderdale International Airport, Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky.

First of all, all these cities, people are barefoot anyways. Northern Kentucky, I've never seen anybody with shoes. Who are they? Northern Kentucky, I've never seen anybody with shoes. Who am I going to tell you? International Airport in Portland, again, hippies. International Airport, Philly, you might want to put your shoes on when you go through Philly. International Airport in the Piedmont Triad, my favorite international airport.

What the fuck is that? In North Carolina. However, ladies and gentlemen, there is a caveat. CBS News Correspondents at Los Angeles International Airport, that's LAX, and New York City's LaGuardia Airport reported Monday night that they and other passengers didn't have to take off their shoes. This is great news.

It only comes 24 years too late. Don't you feel that way? Because anyways, for you young people out there, you probably don't even know why you're taking your shoes off. The no shoes rule, I'll give you a little history, was implemented by the TSA nationwide in 2006. The official adoption of the rule came several years. See this happened in 2001, the shoe bomber.

And the fact that they didn't implement the shuttle two thousand six is a five-year show me it was really not a fucking crisis uh... came several years after richard reid that's right decree to british man uh... who would come to be known as the shoe bomber and also uh... he set up the amps for, I don't know, I got nothing. Way too young.

First thing that came to me though, no maybe not, you're right, because this is years ago. Yeah, that's right, he was Dicky Betts' wardrobe guy. Attempted to blow up an American allies flight from Paris to Miami with explosives hidden in his shoes in December 2001. He lit it, remember, his shoes on fire but it didn't. It was so funny, I think it was a Nike. It said just do it. Reed failed to detonate the explosives and the plane landed safely in Boston after passengers, boy, everything started in Boston,

that could have ended in Boston, after passengers helped subdue this jerk off, they grabbed him by his pigtails and did whatever. You go fuck yourself, convict! They told him. So that's why you young kids, that's the story of shoeless Joe Jackson. So already, LaGuardia said, yeah, we didn't have to take them, but we'll see. And again, looking at it from a traveler perspective,

it should speed everything up, shouldn't it? Again, all it takes is a lady over 60 who's, that's all it takes, or a couple. And they're always the ones, even if I'm sitting in 1A, which is the first seat on the plane, somehow this old couple gets ahead of me. You know what I mean? Well, I'm talking to the guy next to me, and then they go up the ramp when you depart. Not depart, when you de-board. And they both have four plastic hips, and I run between them, knock them both out of the way. Because I'm an asshole.

Let's move on to a story that happened a couple days ago. But we always like to talk about this dumb whore who embarrassed herself on an international level when she ran for president of the United States. Kamala F. Baum Harris is the headline. The then-vice president, Kamala Harris, demanded that Democratic governors worried about Joe Biden's mental acuity fall in line behind the commander-in-chief because this is about saving, she said, our fucking

democracy. Guarantees she was three sheets to the win. Fucking liver looks like a his three sheets to the win. Fucking liver looks like a piece of sharp gouda. What? Shut up. Anyways, I think this came out in a book. I don't know. Let's take a look at a video. Oh, the language on you.

You blow your father with that mouth? That was Tony Soprano talking to Kamala, not Carmela, Kamala. I always say that, I used to call her Carmela. Anyways Harris Vulgar Message, I don't know why this is a story, but I did it anyways just because anytime I can make her look stupid, which is very easy. Harris Vulgar Message found a loyal listener in New York governor Kathy Hokel another retarded woman in her 60s who proceeded to incorrectly tell reporters on the White House driveway following the July 3rd confab of 2024 by the way that all of us said we pledged our support to Biden many of the

governors were deeply skeptical that Biden could continue his campaign, and they were furious with Hokel for suggesting otherwise. Rights author, Isaac Arsdorf, and Josh Dorsey and Tyler Page, it takes three jerk-offs to write a book now in 2024. The name of the book was How Trump Retook the White House and the Democrats Lost America. That's coming out on Tuesday. Three guys to write it. I wonder how it ends.

So she said, fuck, is that the story? Apparently. I don't know why that was like in the fuck and whatever, the post or whatever, but the Democrats love to say fuck. And I don't have a problem with that. I'll never, anybody. I want everybody in my life to say fuck. I like to go to church and have the pastor come up

and be like, your mother's got a nice fucking ass. Anyways, Harris' occasional use of profanity garnered attention during her vice presidency. Well, only if you're, you know, prude. With some viewing it as authentic and candid, others seeing it as contrived to give that, you know, I get street cred, yo. Remember she lied about rappers? Her favorite rapper, she wasn't even fucking, he wasn't even rapping when she said whatever. I think it was you know who? Shoeless Joe Jackson, he had a couple albums. She said Asian Americans who confront social barriers.

See that shit just spills out. Asians, they confront so many social barriers. They make the most of any ethnicity in the country, by the way, and have done just as well as anybody. But this shit spills out and you cocksuckers watching MSNBC, eat it up, who confront social barriers may have to kick that fucking door down she said. That's her filthy mouth. I should have had you play Tony again. Oh, the language on you. You blow your father with that mouth?

He sounded like the guy when I was in St. Augustine on the trolley tours. I told you the guy, the driver was a New Yorker. Jason, you would have fucking cried. He goes, over there, that church was built in 1765 and over there right behind it, it's the Fountain of Ute. The Fountain of Ute. Governor Colin Quinn had a great bit. the fountain of you Governor calling Quinn had a great bit

He's doing he said his church the priest sounded like a union guy then Jesus said I need four guys I mean, no, I need 12 guys Governor Gavin Newsom of California Listen to this lineup of shitheads Gretchenchen Whitmer of Michigan, Andy Beshear of Kentucky, Jared Polis of Colorado, big fat ugly Jamie Pritzker of Illinois, and Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania, all viewed at the time as potential last minute replacements for Biden, didn't show up to vouch

for the oldest president. All the ones that had a little bit of brains didn't get behind, because they knew the rest of us could see it with our own eyes who would deem Harris his successor 18 days later heading off a potential mini primary. How'd that work out for you? La la la la! And your sister... I think this is the final story.

It better be. I'm talking about mushrooms. Fuck. Where do you go from there? I should have worked this in right after the taking your shoes off because I've seen mushrooms growing between people's toes at the airport. Mushroom mayhem. An Australian woman was on Monday convicted who writes this shit Jason's I work in the board here this guy and Jason's a fucking killer writer Jason had this has to be AI right in Australian woman it was on Monday Monday was her girlfriend apparently yummy yummy An Australian woman was on Monday convicted of murdering three elderly relatives of her estranged husband, boy, a fucking woman scorned, serves up some good grub, I think that's the,

with a meal laced with poisonous mushrooms in a case that has gripped the country. Bon appétit. Erin Patterson, 50. At least she doesn't look crazy. Holy fucking moly. Last time I saw a face like that it had a sledgehammer in its hand and it was hitting James Kahn. What do they call that? Yeah, no, misery. What's it called when you do that to somebody's ankles? You put wood between it. Yeah, fuck you too. You're dumber than I am. Hobbling.

That was a Kathy Bates hobbling bit that didn't go. Erin Patterson, 50, seen here actually having an orgasm, that's her face, was charged with murders of her mother-in-law Gail Patterson, father-in-law Don Patterson, and Gail's sister Heather Wilkinson. Now, I didn't mind the other two, but Heather was a good kid. Oh, my God. You know, they deserve to die just on their haircuts alone. No, I'm kidding, folks. Heather Wilkinson, along with the attempted murder of Ian Wilkinson,

I guess he'd spit it out. Heather's husband. She poisoned these people. What an evil fucking world. My God. But let's be honest, folks. I don't know about you. 80 would be good for me.

I want to live until I'm 95. Do you really? You want to lay there in your own shit, rolling around, nobody talking to you, fucking head lice, kids hate you. Fuck, I'd rather get hit by a truck. The four gathered at Aaron Patterson's home in Leongatha, a town of about 6,000 people, some 84 miles southeast of Melbourne. Hey, thanks for the longitude and latitude.

What am I fucking fucking land in there? Where the mother of two served them a meal of individual beef welling, I would have died, because I love beef wellington. I would have went first. I would have been taking them off the plate. I love mushrooms with my wellington. Accompanied by mashed potato and green beans.

That's a nice last meal. Which were later found to contain death cap mushrooms. On Monday the jury in the case found her guilty of all four charges. Patterson, who had pleaded not guilty to all charges, saying the deaths were accidental, she'll be sentenced at a later date. I had to do the story because my grandmother was straight off the boat from Italy. They always say the boat like it was one fucking boat with a bunch of grease balls on it. And she was a hell of a cook, of course. She was from a broodsy. And she would go into the woods and forage, as they say. And take one of my cousins, a fat girl, and she would snort

around like a looking for truffles. Like a pig. Yeah. No, my grandmother would go in the woods, literally, my dad would go with her sometime. And she would pick mushrooms from the trees or off people with athlete's foot or a donkey's ass and used them in cooking. And we ate a ton and we always trusted her. And boy, I gotta be honest with you, after she passed away, I say we got lucky in trusting her.

She lived next door to us. I've told this story before. We grew up next to her. When she would laugh, you'd hear this. Somebody smoked two packs a day. My uncle Al would say, I'm telling you, she's a smoker. And my uncle Al lived in another town. So my father, my mother, me, all the kids would say,

she doesn't smoke. We lived next to her. We were in her house every other day. Never seen her smoke. Never smelled fucking smoke. Long story short, she dies. We'd go down in her basement find about I don't know 400 cartons of Marlboro's so you know she was good at she could have told luckily she got a those mushrooms she was smoking the whole time those greasy broads out

there anyways you would have loved her. She used to snap rabbits necks. We cooked, she cooked rabbit and you know she couldn't just, one time I went to get my aluminum bat out of the shed, it had blood and fur on it. That's a true story. Blue Adirondack aluminum bat. I brought it to my practice, I'm like look what my Grammy did. What a fucking weird family. Did you get attention away from you? Most people use pine tarnic. Did you get attention on what? Yeah, attention. Alright, that's it. That's all I got folks.

I thought that was some entertaining shit. Don't you think so? Anyways, don't forget, I don't know, you think that I'll say, and again, the lineup tomorrow, from again, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Eastern time, look at those shows, a lot of stuff. And I'm telling you, you get yourself a hungry man dinner, don't get up for 12 hours, it's terrific stuff. You guys think that I'll say, you get yourself a hungry man dinner, you don't get up for 12 hours.

It's terrific stuff. You guys think that I'll say, you're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time. Have a nice rest of the day. Hi, good night everybody. ["I Saved the World Today"] Hey, I saved the world today And everybody's happy now The bad things gone away

And everybody's happy now The good things gonna stay Please let it stay Hey, hey, I saved the world today And everybody's happy now The bad things gone away And everybody's happy now, the good things will stay Please let it, ooh let it Thank you.