The Nick DiPaolo Show - IDF Rescues Hostages | Nick Di Paolo Show #1583

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about a possible mistrial, WNBA racism, a hungry python and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 balls on this prick yeah goddamn, like a great... Big and hairy. What? Big and hairy. Big and hairy. Not anymore. Not since the testosterone. Small and fucking... I don't know what. Fucking raisinets. And I had a nice pair of balls, too. Always got complimented on the balls. Nice and soft.

Keith Robinson used to do a joke about he had a jealous girlfriend. Maybe it was his, yeah, it was his girlfriend. Man, she used to, she used to weigh my balls before I left the house. Ah, good old Keith. Survived a couple strokes. All my pals, my black pals. Got to lay off that orange beef. What? Anyways. How are you, folks? Monday.

Wednesday on the show, we're having our friend back that you guys absolutely loved by popular request. It's a Estee Platte. Platte. Palte. Palte. Platte. What are you, a fucking asshole?

Palte. Estee Peltie, she's a lady you've seen, you know, on Gutfell and a few other shows on Fox, she does a great, you know who, Kevin McDougal, who does she do, Carmella, not Carmella, Kamala, Kamala Harris, Not Carmella, Kamala. Kamala Harris. Anyway, she's a very funny lady. And we'll talk, you know, we'll talk news with her, too. I'm not just going to, you know what I mean?

But she's naturally funny. You know me, I'm very picky. I like her and Big Fluffy, the big Mexican guy. I think that guy's edgy. What else? what else fucking Celtics up to nothing in the finals not that I give a shit about the NBA but boy are they good man are they fucking good this year and Florida Panthers who I want to win the cup because they're a chippy little angry team that just is relentless. Although, I'll tell you right now, Edmonton has put up a hell of a game. They outshot them, I think, 2-1, actually. Panthers goalie was tremendous.

And Bobrovsky. And, yeah, Florida won the first game. Second game tonight in Florida. And that's about it sports-wise. Red Sox win one, lose one, win one, lose one. They go into Chicago. And again, there's even more injuries. I've never seen anything like this in my life.

They have, at some point, they have five, six rookies in the lineup. It's fucking insane. People are getting hurt leaving the men's room, fucking picking up a rosin bag. The fuck is going on? So they go into the White Sox, who had lost 14 in a row. Worst team in all of baseball. Sox beat them 14-2. We're like, good, we need four wins in a row

because we're playing the fucking Phillies and Yankees coming up. So we win the first on 14. It's lose the next two and then salvage a fucking, you know, the last game yesterday in extra innings. But you can't really blame Cora. He's got, I'm telling you, these young guys coming up and he's juggling pitch. It's fucking crazy.

But, and then O'Neal comes back, our big home run hitter, leaves the game with the same problem again. So I don't know what to tell you. Let's get on with it. I know, yeah, whatever. People like the sports. We maybe, you know the idea you had, remember? Maybe we'll kick that into effect if I can somehow get paid extra. I'm all about the art form. You know, let me get this thing going. All right. God, it's Monday. I just feel fucking,

I don't know what I'm doing here. Troll or true is the headline. On Friday evening, Justice Juan American, the judge who oversaw Donald Trump's hush money trial in New York. What a smug little motherless fucker.

I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. He sent a letter to prosecutors over the weekend and the former president's legal team alerting them to a strange post-verdict development in the case. The court noted that it had become aware of a comment on the New York court's Facebook page from a user named Michael Anderson, who claimed prior to the guilty verdict being announced, he said, and I quote, my cousin is a juror and says Trump is getting convicted. The post was made one day before the historic verdict that saw Trump convicted on 34 fake felonies. His post helped launch a new wave of conspiracy theories online with some right-wing, and again, I never see the word left-wing,

with some right-wing posters. And this is the post, New York Post. So it's almost all gone. Right-wing posters claiming that the Trump trial was rigged and that the former president already faced a verdict before the jury announced its decision because of this thing they saw on Facebook. Some were even demanding a mistrial. Are you saying he knows nothing about these matters? To my knowledge, nothing.

I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. Oh, I picked the wrong one. Others simply labeled him a troll. So I don't know if it's been confirmed yet. Facebook user Michael Anderson made the alarming post, but the account is lightly used. So what? With only four public posts visible,

two of which are reposts of recipes. You're delicious. Yeah, that's corruption pie. That was until Friday when posted a few times after his connection to the Trump trial was revealed. On his page, Anderson describes himself as a trans-abled and a professional shit poster. I like him already. Assuming this is the same Michael Anderson, I don't think that post is real. It also looks like it was made on a post posted on May 20th. Trump's verdict didn't come down until 10 days later on May 30th. MSNBC legal correspondent Katie Fang wrote on X.

Plus the poster's Facebook profile says a professional shit poster. Yeah. And your point is? Despite the Michael Anderson Facebook post, hit the button, asshole, pretty clearly being fake. Again, who wrote this? Trump world is demanding the case be declared a mistrial.

Trump world. That doesn't mean him. He wrote on X, Michael Anderson. All because Merchant's Office emailed the attorneys about the post before they looked into whether it was real. What an avoidable mess.

They're saying even the judge should have looked a little further into it before he made... I don't know. I was waiting for the weekend. I don't know. I was waiting for the weekend to... I don't know if it was confirmed that that's just a, you know,

a shit troller or not. Kind of interesting though, isn't it? They'll probably ride with the fact that it is so that they can move on. Say that again? Who, what? They'll just ride with the fact that it is a shit patrol. Oh, even if it's not?

Even if it's not, yeah. That's true. If they checked it out and found otherwise. Yeah. Maybe he just did that to make it look like, see, I'm legit.

Whatever. I can't fucking, can't stand these motherfuckers. All right, let's move on. There are white niggers. I've seen stand these motherfuckers. All right, let's move on. There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time. I don't like that type of talk. In our RTR segment, Reverse the Races tonight,

sports critics offered mixed reactions to reports that Caitlin Clark will not be heading to Paris to join the U.S. women's basketball team at the Olympics this summer. Although before we came on the air, I saw something said, I just read the headline, I didn't have time to, it said her dreams, Olympic dreams might not be dead yet. This is just, it just shows who the true haters are. It just shows who the true haters are. And I do mean haters, literally. Black women, for the most part,

whenever it's a white person, whether it's male or female. And lesbians are angry to begin with, and the league's probably fucking 80% black lesbians. Maybe I'm overstating it, but you know what the fuck I'm talking about. Well, a lot of them can't get black men, so... A lot of them can, though. Some real good ones.

Have you seen them in jail? Just pure out-out racism. I don't get it. That's why I put this under reverse the races. Can you imagine if it was a majority white league with a black woman, and she was ripping it up, and they snubbed her? Are you fucking kidding? They'd be burning down buildings.

This girl is class, man. She just handles it. She also said, this is lighting a fire under her ass. She's about to light up the league. She put up, you know, she's the fastest one to 200 points. And a couple others. She's already got a couple of records. But you don't want her on the Olympic team.

It's just it's just so ridiculous the indiana fever rookie and all-time leading scorer in ncaa division one basketball women's division i'll add that in because they don't you know uh didn't make the 12 player roster in a year with team usa veterans like ph Mercury's Brittany Griner and Diana Taurasi, New York Liberty's Breanna Stewart, and Las Vegas ace Aja Wilson made the cut. Let's take a look at Caitlyn in action. Wow, right by a block, a black girl. That's not allowed in this league. There she comes.

Beautiful push pass. Oh, yeah, you don't want her on the team. Watch this. Watch where she shoots this from. Look at this. That's Larry Bird shit. She is 20 feet from the three-point line. Yeah, you don't want her on the team.

Sports commentator Mike Lupica slammed the decision. And he's no righty. This guy's a fucking left-wing New Yorker who lives in the Hamptons. Sports commentator Mike Lubica slammed the decision to leave Clark off the roster in a post on X, formerly called Twitter, calling it monumentally dumb. This guy is no, it must be comforting, he says to Caitlin Clark today that people who've been chirping at her since she got to the WNBA now think her being left off the Olympic team is a really good thing for her, he wrote. The blowback on this young woman continues to be amazing, if he's noticing. In a post responding

to a fever Washington Mystics game that recently drew over 20,000 fans, ESPN's Linda Cohn called the Team USA decision a lost opportunity. All she does, Linda says, is grow the game, pack arenas, set rookie records. What a short-sighted decision. Just say it, though. Lupica and you, Linda, say it. Call it black racism. If we started doing that 30 years ago, we might be even in this fucking fight. However, former ESPN reporter Jemele Hill, known racist, said that Clark not being on the team, USA Ross, is actually a good thing for the rising athlete. Of course she said that. You fucking whore. Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready. In the span of weeks, she went from playing college ball to becoming a professional to having a grind of a schedule. A multi-week break probably isn't the worst thing

in the world. She will eventually make an Olympic team, Hill wrote. I'm sure you'd be saying that if it was a black athlete. You fucking hate-mongering piece of shit. Hey, in the second half of the show, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be talking about the Israeli Defense Forces and the amazing feat they pulled off this weekend, finding some good news out of that hellhole. Also, co-comedian friend. I haven't met him. Funny as hell.

I hate his politics. He's a whitey hater, but he's fucking a funny motherfucker and a legend. I'll give him that, too. George Lopez in a beef with his fans in a venue he played this weekend. I happen to be with everything he said. Anyways, get full episodes of Nick DiPaolo Show and Lauder with Crowder four days a week. Brian Callen and Mr. Guns and Gear Weekly and exclusive live streams with Alex Jones for

$9 monthly. You get all that for $9 monthly or $89 annually. That's exclusively on Mug Club, so sign up now. And for you listeners out there, we are now uploading the complete audio version of the show in addition to video. So watchers can still access the video.

Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the NICCA shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you

soon. Version as normal. Let's move on. A shallow way. A dinner is served. Ding, ding. A mom of four went missing in Indonesia. Anything anything good happened in indonesia huh it's always a busload of kids going off a cliff some girl being bit by a cobra on the tit some guy getting swallowed by a fucking uh you know what fat girl a a mom of four went missing in indones again, I haven't heard a good... Only to be found swallowed whole, oh my God, I almost had... By a 16-foot python the next day, according to reports. Buona patina.

Oh, goodness. Oh, goodness. I'm going to... We're going to show you some clips coming up in a second, actual video of them finding her, clothes and all in the stomach, nightmarish video and photos show the harrowing moment. And again, somebody tell me why, can you tell me where to go? How do I get to the dark web to see unedited shit? Where it's not pixelated and I can see fucking stabbings and shootings and good stuff.

Anyways, these videos and photos show the harrowing moment the fully clothed body of Farida was 45 years old, was cut out of the reticulated snake. I looked it up. It's a pattern on the thing. Reticulated.

Who the fuck uses that? My balls are reticulated. Let's take a look at the, I don't know, the video. She must have been skinny. Look at the size of that. It looks like an alligator.

Look at, look at, pause, pause. That's her jeans. Those are her jeans and her feet Look at that Do you have me and Dallas had the exact same and I'm sure you guys there how does that happen? Bow is don't fucking come up when fucking wrap Ronnie in three seconds. It's kind of a slow process. I Guarantee she thought she was probably being friendly with it and petting it. And all of a sudden she's going, okay, let go. You know, like a fucking serial killer. All right, that's enough.

No means no. Look at that. And these savages took her out and cooked her. Oh, my God, absolutely. Delicious. Thank you. Farida from Kelimimpang, where I have a duplex, Kelimimpang Village in South Sulawesi Province disappeared the night of June 6th.

During a search for the next day, her husband Nani found her belongings, which made him suspicious. The villagers then searched the area. They soon spotted a python with a large belly. Oh my god, can you imagine even going having that thought? I'm happy. Village chief Sorati Rossi, Italian, told the AFP, the reticulated, shut up with that shit, reticulated, shut up with that shit. Reticulated python, considered the world's longest snake after mine, is indigenous to Indonesia.

Of course it is. Everything that can kill you within three seconds is indigenous. In other parts of Southeast Asia, its sharp curved teeth allow it to squeeze its prey to death before swallowing it whole. It's like getting a blowjob from Joy Behar, I can only imagine. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. It's a rare, it says, it's rare for its pythons to kill people, though.

Yeah, tell her and her family that. I don't even know what must be the torso that looks like her boobage i don't see a head there though what the fuck uh though several individuals have died that way in recent years in indonesia yeah the only thing i could think of is if she was out and about and did something stupid fell down yeah popped her head and passed out and then python's like oh look, look, free meal. I don't see how it happens the other way. No, exactly.

Maybe. I'm sure they'll do an autopsy over there with a sharp stick and a fucking banana leaf. Yeah, that could be. Speaking of banana leaves, I mean, look, they're already getting ready for the slow cook. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I didn't even mean that. They use that as a gurney, you know.

At the end of this, they pick her up and carry her out on that. Wow, they really can't see why white people think this is superior. What? Shut it. Oh, you shut it. I think that's a good theory, though. Maybe she got sick and passed out. The only other way is for her to think it was friendly. I don't fucking... It's 16 foot long.

Snake. I see one three feet long in my garden. I'm up on a ladder shooting at it with a shotgun. My grandfather, typical old guinea. I'm in the garden with him when I was like about eight years old, helping him, we come upon a fucking snake, and it's obvious it swallowed something, just like that, it went like this, and my grandfather, wham, cuts it in half with a fucking rake, Cuts it in half with a fucking rake. And a fucking, you know what, a fucking mouse came up. Still alive. Still alive.

And I'm like, as a little kid, I go, oh! He's like, that's a nothing. That's a nothing. It's so funny. Different generation. He fucking, he gave it a, I remember, a little nervous laugh, and he fucking. He's the same guy that would kick the dog in the ass every night when he let it out the door. Pleasant.

Is that Italian? 1885. That's called old school. Anyways, those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. And when are we plugging? Tomorrow, I think.

I think we got the links, folks. I think my wife said that the venues, two venues, one in Duluth and the other one in Jacksonville, Florida, in Duluth, Georgia. So, and they're nice theaters. So we got to do this right. We've got to market it right.

If you know a real good tech guy, I mean a young kid who knows his way around the Internet and is how to promote, that's not psychotic. I'm hiring, man, because we have a ton of shit coming up I got a feeling I'm going to hate Tommy by September or whatever I'm going to be running around the country like Elvis it's going to be fucking horrible

no time to spend my fucking cabbage hi good night everybody I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started, I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else