The Nick DiPaolo Show - Ihan Omar Is A Twat | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1886

Episode Date: April 23, 2026

In today's episode, Nick talks about Trump Rescues Iranian Women, Omar Loses Her Shit, Elizabeth Smart's Bounce Back, Auto-Brewery Syndrome, A Bear Chase and A Flesh Eating Bacteria! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

What should you call the group of dancers in a ballet? Silly savages. How are you, folks? Welcome to the live lineup where it's free shows all day, as they say. And if you want to watch ad free, just join Rumble Premium. It is that easy. Don't forget to follow my channel and download the Rumble app. Today, I will be discussing Trump's rescue of Iranian women

who are about to be publicly executed. Of course, Iran's refuting them. today as they it's like arguing with a two-year-old retarded kid did you take the cookies I did not you're chewing them you fucking retort that's how Louis used to talk to his kids God his stuff about him oh my oh my Elon Omar I don't know if there's another person on the planet that I could go to prison for tomorrow for hitting her and killing with a hammer and be the happiest guy in prison until I get raped maybe I wouldn't maybe I'd like that I've never tried that either

And then we have, do you guys remember Elizabeth's smart, cute little blonde girl who got kidnapped when she was like 12 or 14 and for like nine months and then they finally found her and shit? Well, she's got a new occupation and she looks damn good and she's doing good. We'll update that. Also, some guy has a disease that you and I would absolutely kill for. His stomach produces too much yeast and, well, he gets a nice buzz. That's all I'm saying. And that's it. Oh, there's a flesh-eating bacteria in the waters of Long Island.

You know, shit like that. The devil is a lot. I'm not even, I didn't even show you this thing I'm going to bring up right now because it was so disturbing. I always check before, you know, there might be a last-minute story that we should throw in here. Front page, New York Post. A girl, two girls, they look like they're in high school maybe. I'm guessing. they're trying to cross the street in New York

and there's a black dude, black or India, he looks black. He walked away like a pimp with a pimpsterile beard. Anyways, he's hassling him. He's trying to cross the street. He wants to talk to one of them. One of them crosses the street and the other one just he corners her.

So she walks back on the sidewalk to walk away. He picks her up and body slams her. Knocks her out and then stomps on her head once. I didn't want to show it. Of course, telling you doesn't help either, but it really is, like I said, I used to go, evil, good, there's no doubt about it. There's no fucking doubt about it.

She's unconscious, and he gives her, and then strolls away, like the happy, you know what he is. I just, I fucking, oh, my God, I'm just waiting for that follow-up story where the dad sees the clip. They find the guy, and again, my hero. life and yours and every guys, every parents, is the guy that was at the airport who was pretending to be on the phone back in the 70s when his son's

molester was being escorted through the airport and he fucking went up to him with a gun and just blew him away and the judge said, no problem. That to me... The problem is you don't have those judges anymore. Exactly right. And you don't have pay phones anymore. So it's very tough. That's funny.

You could do that. I guess pretending on your cell phone. but it'll be funny if you're trying to do it today with a fake paper. Oh, my God. Anyways, I just can't, my stomach turned. And luckily they said, you know, she's in stable condition with a concussion. People have died hitting their head after somebody punched them. We had this woman actually on our show whose son died like that. Some black coach for Wake Forest.

He comes out, he was looking for her. waiting for his Uber after a wedding in Queens or whatever. And he walked up to this car and he tapped it thinking it was his Uber. So that's enough for a black guy to get out and knock him out and he hit his head and died. And they were trying to get him off on some cheap manslaughter, whatever the fuck. I get a

text her again. I had her on and I've texted anyways. I thought it were open with the light shit today. Enjoying yourself? Red Sox last night. Shut out. No, they got one run. Almost shut out for the third. night in a row. Oh my God. Again, it's so funny because they're in crisis mode in Boston. Come on.

It's not even the end of April yet. But Roman Anthony was out of the lineup with tightness in his back, you know. This is what I don't get about that either. They go they'll hope we'll be back to the next night. Really? So it's that minor you're probably going to play the next night? A hockey play would go. I'm getting in there. But then back's a tricky. You don't want to fuck with the back. But anyways, they couldn't hit. Max Fried struck out, was striking them out like they were little leaguers. And Suarez pitched a decent game,

gave up a few runs, but I gave up a bomb early in the game. Somebody hit one like 420 feet. They stink right now. And they're great defensively. They are really good defensively. That Wilson Contreras, he's not hitting right now either.

He's a power guy. He's made so many great plays either start and double plays at first base or scooping balls in the dirt. And he was a catcher. And he's the guy that I didn't think I was going to like and I love once he starts hitting. But anyways, they're embarrassing right now.

Offensively. Oh, my God, do they suck? What the hell else? Haven't seen my mom in over a year and a half. That's not good. She's going to be, what, 89? I think 89. But she's, you talk to her and you see her,

you think she's 69. You're like, she ain't going anywhere, but that's not how it works, folks. Well, I brought that up. I don't know. Maybe that's what's keeping me awake. Can't be. I think it's the meth.

I get nothing. Dana Perino, my friend, has a book out called The Purple State, I think. And it's a novel, which I'm going to read. I don't read novels. But Dana Perino wrote it. And she's smart. and somehow combining romance with politics. And it's getting good reviews.

I just thought I'd plug it here. You guys, if you have my politics, you probably watch Fox. You're probably like Dana Perino. She took the time to come out to my show when I was in New Jersey with her husband and a bunch of people. And so I think I probably just made her sell two more books. I don't know. That's all I got. Boston Bakes Crod.

You guys know how to make it? I'm going to tell you right now. It's the oldest recipe in the morning. England because I had it two nights ago and just absolutely as far as what you get for value and taste and time put in is there's no better like a meal get a pound of um you can use cod you can use haddock or young cod which is a baby scrod which is they call scrod in new England you can even use pollock just some white fish and um get like a stick of butter melt it in a saucepan take a whole roll.

of rich crackers, crack them up, throw them in the butter. A lot of people put a layer of mayonnaise over the top of the fish to keep it moist, whatever. You can use another layer of butter. And this Brutte, Rich crackers and butter on the top and bake it for 20 minutes at like fucking 375. It tastes like a $55 meal in a restaurant.

Have you ever done that, though? It is, dude. If you don't have time to cook or whatever, it's ready. and in a fucking half hour. Fish is fast. Yeah. Fish is fast. And all you do is melt like a half a stick or a stick of butter

and crunch up crackers in it. You can get fancy. Some people put white wine and sauteed onions underneath, which I don't think it needs that. Anyways, because I'm on the go, you know. Why are you guys laughing at me in there? What's the matter? What's the matter with you?

I'm on the go. I think I destroyed my asshole, not to give you too much information on that last. constipation thing. Now I'm all, I keep getting the sensation I have to go and I said nothing happens and then I draw mud when I go to fart. I don't know gay guys, write in and tell me just how you do it. As Lenny Clark says, I don't know how you gay guys do it. Well, actually I do. That's why I don't. The great Lenny Clark. All right, enough of the bullshit. I am upset about the right talk. Don't forget, you guys, anybody, please, somebody, somebody right in the chat room, say,

You would never watch playoff hockey. Now you're addicted. I want to hear that. Last night I flip it on just to see if the other series are any rougher. I put on Colorado and the Kings is it? I think it's Colorado, L.A. Kings. I flip it over. Some guy lays a guy.

I couldn't have timed it better. Some guy lays a guy out at Center Ice and the other team goes after him. And there's a pig pile for 10 minutes. Gloves come. It is so good. It's extra vicious this year. It is extra. And like I said, only white athletes could give a fuck that much.

Does that sound right? I don't care. I've been called the racist since I fucking get into the business. Kiss my white nipples, which are light brown. All right. Trump rescues for Iwanian bitches. Well, you shouldn't say it like that. Okay.

Anyways, very good news, Trump said. I have just been informed that the eight women protesters who are going to be executed tonight in Iran will, will no longer be killed. Hey, everybody, we're all going to get late. Four will be released immediately and four will be sentenced to one month in prison. Right there I go, mm-mm, uh-uh. Maybe the four, you know, first of all, I don't know if to lie in about all of them,

but definitely if four of them went to prison for a month, they're never coming out. I mean, that's the whole thing about this ceasefire and this negotiations. their word means nothing. Even if they sign it and dot every eye and every T, the Iranians, and agree to everything Trump wants and America wants, it ain't going to happen. They just won't.

They're fucking insane. And I'll remind you again, Mr. Trump, them and their religion, dying is the best thing that can happen to you. And you know what? If I lived over there, I'd want to be dead too. Shithole. Like I said, you don't see many terrorists

coming out of Honolulu, do you? Anyways, I very much appreciate Trump says, that Iran and its leaders respected my request as the President of the United States and terminated the plan. Oh, and terminated the plan execution. Thank you for your attention to this matter, you filthy Muller, he said. I couldn't believe he said. No, he didn't. President Donald J. Trump.

Yes, sir. On Tuesday, the President had posted a request to the Iranian regime to do no harm to the women as a show of good faith for their peace negotiates. He's tying it into the negotiations. These are the women. Are those are the women? They look like they're from fucking Malibu. Those don't look like Iranian.

Look how see how western they are. Without their fucking heads on it, their hats. The president was responding to a post on social media by pro-Israel activist E.L. Jacobi that included photos of eight women. Among them was Bita Hamati, a woman accused of committing violent acts in the protest, according to the National Council of Resistance of Iran and opposition.

Opposition to what? Logic? You know what I'm saying? Oh, what am I saying? That was a Jewish guy who was against Iran. My bad. Those were some tough Jews. That's from the Sopranos.

Just that sound clip along you go. I want to see that. On Tuesday, Trump extended the ceasefire with Iran in order to allow the regime to come up with a unified proposal for peace negotiations. Iran later announced that it had seized two tankers in the Strait of Hormuz. And it was worse than that. What did they say?

There was something like 14 ships got by or something. So they keep, and I think I know what Trump's doing. He's going, I'm going to show the world. I'd be even more scared if I was Iran. Because Trump keeps extending these talks just to let the whole world know. Look, you saw it. I gave him a month.

And then he's going to, it's going to be what he said, bridge and fucking tunnel day. As they say, he's going to blow up the power plants and everything else. I really think. But they agree to shit. Like Dallas said, they're like five-year-old kids. They agree to shit. And they'll agree to it. That'll be on the nose.

And then later that night, they go, we never said that. I don't like them. I don't like where they're from. I don't like what they're about. the only thing stopping from nuking them is you've got the Iranian people you can't forget about the civilians who want no part they were so

happy when all this shit went down and Trump came. Remember they were out in the street doing that broken fan belt sound of women and they were very happy about Trump and they had Trump signs over there so you can't melt down the whole nation but we have enough smart bombs

that can knock in your door and you open it and it goes in your kitchen anyways enough of that Poo-poo. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Hey, and I are shut up and make me a sandwich tonight. Far left, dirty whore and ass-wiping pig, Ilan Omar, blew up at a reporter this week for asking questions about accounting discrepancies.

The Democrat blamed for overstating her net worth by millions of dollars on a financial disclosure form. You know, they had a whine. First of all, she said she was working. or 30 million a couple months ago. Now they revised the paperwork. It's like 100,000. What an evil. Look at that face. Like I said, oh, my God. Now, if that black dude

slammed her on the ground on the sidewalk for no reason and stomped on her head, I'd blow him behind the dumpster he lives in. Okay? Because this, what a... Can you... I can see the hate. See, she's a Somali that makes her black, doesn't it? I think blackish. Blackish is the new Somaliish

Fucking stupid purple hat The fuck Anyways, go blow your brother Anyways, this woman reporter over here Asked her question a couple days ago About her financial situation So she does a follow-up Anyways

I meant to do this You fucking whew Yeah that's it, go home, get my dinner ready In May of last year Omar claimed she her husband, Tim Minette, held assets worth between six and 30 million. However, an amended filing reported by the Wall Street Journal put the couple's wealth that between $18,000 and $4.

What's the $4? What's that lipstick for Tim Walts? And $95,000. The lawmaker claimed the initial filing was riddled with accounting errors. Oh, really? By about $30 million? Yeah. Watch this.

This is all about a brown woman envying white women. You can see the hate. This woman, this little Somali bitch that we saved from that shithole, ungrateful doesn't do it. She's the most racist, angry piece of shit. And it's all based on envy, folks. She knew. She hates the fact that this country that she hates,

she doesn't know why, that saved her. She hates the fact that we saved her. Now she has to live in this beautiful country, stealing millions. And you can just see how much she hates white people when she, watch this fake smile she puts on, not to mention the language coming out of the whore. Anyways. The last time I told you, you said that I was stupid for asking you about your financial disclosure, but there's some discrepancies on there.

Would you like to explain that? How would you make such a big mistake? I'm absolutely not stupid for asking me anything. I am. What about the American people? we're wondering how you need to explain to the American people what's the explanation I have given them the explanation do you want to tell our viewers because I don't want to tell you jack shit oh how about that okay okay

have good day thank you for us here this is worth the whole song die tonight in your sleep you filthy little fucking simian piece of fucking rat turd just teasing ha ha ha ha ha In September, the Washington Free Beacon revealed Omar's net worth had skyrocketed by as much as 3500% as it will. And even Pelosi said, what the fuck? In 2024, based on the disclosure that she had since disavowed, MyNet, a former political consultant, is involved in several businesses, including D.C.-based venture capital management firm Rose Lake Capital, and Santa Rosa, California winery.

The winery listed assets worth between $1 and $5 million in 2024, disclosure, and his Rose Lake Capital touted assets worth between $5 to $25 million. Strikingly, Rose Lake Capital previously claimed on its website to manage some $60 billion with a B in assets. Just a mere accounting mistake. It's off plus or minus. 60 trillion. But did you see the,

and she's like, yeah, thank you. Oh my God. And how does that woman, you women are amazing. See, I wish that was at a bar and they both had drinks at them. That's when the shit goes haywire. The hair grabbing.

I will give the black chick's credit for that. If you talk to a blot with a condescending voice, they'll fucking rip the weave right off your head. Even at a gas station. Remember I was standing on a weave and I was pumping. It's my favorite. People ask me what I liked about Savannah.

I was here about a week. I was pumping gas. I was standing on a black girl's weave. Howdy, that was a black girl? Stop it. What do you think? It was a chemo fucking. Stop.

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, and I hope I remember how to do stand up. May 7th, I'll be at the Punchline, Atlanta, Georgia. That's the other thing. I haven't played this one. I used to play a punchline, but now it's a new facility. And haven't played this one. And you know what? But I really have nothing to worry about

because the owner is the Italian guy who used to be from New York who owned the old punchline and he's part owner on this one too. And he would come to my shows. When I did a theater in Brunswick down here, he came to the fucking show. Good guy.

May 8th, the next night, that's a Friday, sold Joel's Pottstown, PA. May 9th, Rivers Casino in Philadelphia. Go to Nick Dip.com to get your tickets now before they're sold out. While you're there, go to the merchandise page, and we have all kinds of stuff, hats, hoodies, t-shirts, mugs. Wear it and piss off the right people. Also, if you want to send a personalized video to someone, I'll say what you're thinking, so you don't have to. Book it at shoutout.us.

You tell me what message you want to live it or for, you know, and whether it's good, bad, or funny, bust balls, you know, I'll do anything for money. I'm a hoo-ah. Anything. Anything. You mean anyhow? I'm going back to bed after this, folks. I might fall asleep at the wheel on the way home and kiss a fucking live oak. That'll be a tree.

Moving on. The smart thing to do is the headline. Elizabeth Smart. Kidnapper, Survivor. One first place had a fourth body building competition after. Studding fans with her ultra-fit physique, Tommy. That's little Elizabeth Smart. Look at the shapes you're in as a grown woman.

Maybe you all should get kidnapped. The child safety advocate, 38 years old, competed in the Wasatch Warrior Compact. I did that. I came in fifth. Big Greek woman beat me. She had asses like you read about NASS Weekly. Wasatch Warrior Competition in Salt Lake City, Utah on Saturday,

where she took home first place in the fit model novice category. And you go, oh, that's because she was famous. I don't think so. I saw the other broad. She shredded. Smart posted a picture of herself on stage at the competition

on Instagram on Tuesday, sporting a blue bikini and clear heels. Anytime I hear clear heels, and I'm not kidding you, Pittsburgh Steelers had a running back Frenchie Fuqua in the 70s. And he was one of these guys were dressed like a pimp.

Black dude. Fucking cool, great player. He dressed like a pimp. He had, get this, he had the platform shoes, which people wore in the 70s with the heels, guys with heels like this with goldfish in him. With water and goldfish in the heel.

Look, I'm no bleeding hot ASPCA, but that can't be good for the fish. Yeah. At least he has them in their natural environment. A fucking Tom McCann on the fifth row at the mall. The mother of three who wore her long blonde hair, who wrote this? They probably diddling themselves. Struck a pose that showed off her tone muscles.

This might be the guy that kidnapped her. Did he write this from his jail cell? Smart admitted she was previously too scared to post about competing and bodybuilding comp. You've got to give her a break on that, you know? You're a little gun shy after you've been kidnapped and raped every day. for nine months as a 14-year-old. You might be a little gun-shy.

It was worried that I would be judged, not taken seriously. Again, that's the internet she's worrying about, you know what I'm saying? She looks better on the left, not taking seriously, somehow perceived as less than or now unworthy to continue work as an advocate for all survivors that shows the damage her end deep. She explained in her caption, Then this past weekend it struck me how eerily familiar these feelings and thoughts are for too many survivors. Smart said she was proud of her body and everything it has gone through.

This was a big change for me. It was hard. It pushed me, challenged me not to give up. She shared of her fitness journey. I am so proud of myself for doing this. There's a phrase that only like her generation and generations after say all the time in her case look I understand but we never my generation never would say I'm so proud of myself they'd go what are you conceded like you know I mean but these kids um that say that all the

time they were raised that they were great they're perfect and there's nothing wrong with them and when they're actually assholes like myself yeah I'm so proud of myself of doing this I'm so proud of my body and I want to celebrate it yeah I'll celebrate it with you How about that? Get a six pack of Bud Light and we'll go to the circus. That's a yes. What the fuck? What age is that?

Is that? I can't tell if she's 18 there. In her 2013 book, My Story, Smart recounted how she was snatched from her bedroom in Salt Lake City in the dead of night. Can you friggin' imagine? Enforced to the ground at knife point before being held for nine grueling months and used as a sex slave at the end. age of 14. At least the couple who snatched her don't look like they're nuts. You got Jesus on the left and want to be Jesus and every time I see these people, they just got out of the shower apparently. And I didn't think they showered, but they got their robes on. Look at him. Look at him. Just that beard

says ecclesiastics. I don't even know what that means. It's in the book somewhere. Anyways, here's some video. In 2002, Smart was kidnapped and held captive by Barzzi and her husband Brian David Mitchell nine months passed before Smart was rescued. It's real. It's real. Mitchell is serving a life sentence while Barzzi was initially supposed to be released in 2024. Holy, so the wife is getting out. The husband will never see the light of day. Um, good looking couple. You know what still makes me laugh that serial killer that was on the dating game. Remember?

He went on to be a serial killer. He was like a good-looking guy. Look up, Norm McDonald's bit about that, too. Bachelor number three, if I was a popsicle, eh, I'd take your wrapper off. I'd grab you by your two sticks and break you in half on the counter, if you know what I mean.

Mitchell, who had been recognized from an episode of America's Most Wanted, you see that? that show and the whole country folks you weren't around you're probably a little younger the whole country is following this story

when they were looking for her for months and anyways he was sentenced in 2011 he's serving two life terms you're a warming me cut sucker you know that yeah so he is

never going to see I don't understand why the wife only gets like 20 years you know I mean just the fact that she didn't rat her husband out would be enough to go, you're going too. But again, she's a woman. And as you know, if you have a clitoris, things go a lot easier, whether it's getting a drink at a bar or getting out early from prison. Hey man. All right, whatever. And now for Nick's video of the day.

Oh, I played the piano for that bit. You believe that shit. In our vaudeville, If you guys know what that means, VOD, video of the day. Today we have three videos for you. You've been such good kids and behaved so well on that trip to Vermont. We have three videos. Again, just being good boys and girls. Number one is a catch by a fan and the crowd. Now, I'll repeat, and I've always said this,

you know people die every day in this country, slipping and falling in the tub? And I also read another one. brought up before a car is hit by a train like every two minutes that one I I just anyways but my point is people get paralyzed doing a lot less dangerous you want to see a guy who really wanted a foul ball I don't know what maybe he's got a kid make a wish kid or some shit I'd watch this catch this is like Hall of Fame shit narrow at the play this will go foul to a long way Satisse was dancing off at first.

Oh man. That's all right. You got a baseball, he's got a headache. Yeah, pretend you're not hurt. I think. You're going to play it off, if I'm not good. This is what's going on in his head. I know when somebody's hurt and they're faking it.

He was fucking, he had to bang something. You can break your neck. You know what I'm saying? Falling off a ladder in your kitchen. I just wish that happened. A much better story. No, I don't. That's horrible.

That was number one. Number two also involves professional baseball. This is something, again, I've been watching baseball in my whole. I have never seen in my life, and the odds of it happening have to be one in $70 trillion. And I'm not exaggerating. Check this out. And right back to the pitcher, Gilbert able to catch it. It's in his liver.

Wow. Well, it penetrated his liver. He hit that ball into the jersey. and what's going to happen is Cortez is going to first, and Langaleers, I believe we'll head to second base. I mean, this was a rock right back at Logan Gilbert. You see the shirt? I've never seen anything like that.

Bullshit. You have a lady. Guys trying to get into your sweater in high school. That's what bugs me. I couldn't even get my hand in and to get a bra. What are the friends? frigging on. Did you see the shirt? Yeah. It was almost, and I don't mean to be

dark hair, disrespect, but it was almost like what's in Charlie Kirk? Remember his shirt went? Guys, if somebody told you that do that, you'd be for the next 50 million you couldn't do it. It's why we love sports.

And we've seen before, I think Dale has probably seen it to a line back to the pitcher and it gets stuck in his glove. Remember that when a guy threw his glove to the first basement? How do you rule on that shit. And then Randy Johnson's destruction of the bird. Randy Johnson was throwing a

fastball and a bird happened to come by and it exploded like it was bubbleicious. Nothing but feathers and shit. Some Ethiopians, it was Ethiopian Day, ran on the field and they took it home and cooked it. True story. But that's

true about him hitting the bird. You can Google that. Incredible. Well, and I told you what I saw one night when I was like 15, 16, 16, I was down the park watching a semi-pro game in my hometown. And this guy hits a blast. And this is a Major League size field. And this thing is heading for the light standard.

It is gone by fucking six, you know, 100 feet. And all of a sudden, the ball hits something and the ball drops. And you see something drop with it. And the whole place stands like, what the fuck? I'm standing next to my little league coach. And he goes, did you just see what I just saw? That's how he talked, Mr. Pike. I go, I think so.

The left field holds up a bat. He killed a bat with a bat batted ball. What the, and it makes sense because bats used sonar, and he picked it up and, and that's how hard it was hit, smoked him. What are the fuck? I saw that in person. What are the odds? And nobody ran on the field of Cook. We're in a nice white American town that I grew up in.

Well, the Melvins could have been there, but it's another thing. Finally tonight, a third clip, and probably my favorite of the three, I had to fight between this one and like four other ones that I'll probably do next week. I used to date this girl, but show this one. Y'all fat fuck, look at you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Nice legs. Where are they?

She's in a bikini. She's got the bare gut of her. skipper from the Gilligan's Island, the tits of an African woman who's had 48 kids sucking on him for last three years, and fucking toothpick legs. And she's eating that piece of fruit like it's her lesbian lover's ass. Nick, that's a nice commentary. Oh, shut up. We're on the internet. Look at that. She's beautiful. Some black guy would take that. That's a pig. God, sounds like my prom night.

And that was Nick's video of the day. Hey, da da da da da, da, da, da, I'm ripping through the show again. Excuse me. I need a beer. I got a blooms and they have these like slush drinks. You guys are familiar with Fat Tuesdays, right? That's that beer that has them. They look like clothes dryers with glass and the slushes.

It's like 14 flavors. And you're like, oh, these, I remember I was in Florida waiting for my late great buddy Zook. And he was late, as usual. No pun intended. And I, so I go over to Fat Tuesday. And I had never bet. This is when I was pretty young.

So I sucked down two of those thinking, oh, they're slushy with little booze at him. I almost couldn't fucking stand. And I remember him making fun of me because I was wearing, and I'm not kidding you. He goes, what are you fucking gay? I had a, I was in good shape. I was tan.

I was in Florida. I didn't think anybody would see me other than him. I had a, you know what, denim vest on with nothing on under. He finally gets there. He goes, what are you a fucking fat? I go, I see this all the time in my... He goes, yeah, on gay Cuban guys. He went and bought me a shirt.

I had a couple of those. I couldn't stand. Anyways, Boomies. Boomies has these couple of slush machines. One of them has Jameson. and it's gross. I try that one. You don't want Jameson in a fucking slurpy?

What a waste. It's like putting caviar and a hot dog or some shit. So I get the nerd one. It's blue. And they put nerd candies on it. But I said, that's too gay. I don't want that. And they did it once for me, and I loved it.

I go, oh, my God, these are really good. So I'm sitting there with blue lips. Do I look like an idiot? Had a bar? Hey, you come here often? No, I don't. They have purple tongue fag. I had my vest on too yesterday, but I had a shirt under and I knew what I was doing.

Those will knock you on your ass, by the way. But there's Red Bull in them, and I don't understand that either. Doesn't Red Bull fight the fucking alcohol? I don't get that. But maybe if they don't put that in, you're going down. I don't know. But anyways, they're delicious. And I don't know if I should be drinking that like one in the afternoon, and I had a 16-ounce.

You know what, Yingling. And they laugh at me because I never order the same shit. They go, you're like a kid. I go, I know. I'm going to try everything in here. They can't believe that I'll, you know, like I told you, Dallas, I'll chase a white Russian with a bloody Mary and do a shot of fireball. And then I'll go, can I get a ginger?

Just to keep them on their fucking toes. I like day drinking. I'm like my sister Darlane, who is a, she's retired. So she enjoys her martinis now. I don't have them with my breakfast like she does. But listen. Speaking of that, that's a nice segue into this next thing. mean to do. I call this story the best disease ever. Mark Mangiaro, a nice Italian boy,

can get drunk really easily, and it's not because he's a lightweight, handsome fella. In fact, the 43-year-old dad gave Italian people, they did a good-looking people. Dad gave up alcohol entirely in 2018. He's a dad-bub. But he can still get buzzed. Tips. and even fully inebriated without a sip of booze. My wife can do that too if I hit her in the head hard enough. Yeah, she's all fucking dizzy. I'm feeling tipsy. Well, you should.

I just gave you a forearm shiver under the chin. Phil Villapiano style. Mangiaro, hey, isn't that what I'm taking to lose weight? The Monjaro has auto brewery syndrome. And the ironic thing is, short for that, abs. I drink booze. I don't get abs. ABS. Auto Brewery Syndrome, a rare but serious condition where people get drunk even when they haven't had alcohol. I'll repeat that. It's worth repeating. What a horrible disease, huh?

They were going to have a benefit for this, and the people who had the disease said, no, we're good. We'll raise their own shit. Mind your business. Without alcohol. Oh, he gets buzzed. There are fewer than 100 documented cases of the condition, not one of them's Irish. It happens when yeast, which lives in the gut naturally or in the vagina unnaturally, overgrows. That yeast then ferments the sugar and carbs a person eats.

It sort of is like a yeast infection. Because, you know, if women have a, I read all about this after tasting, and I said, I have to look this up. This reminds me a sharp gutta. Anyways, it foments the sugar and carbs, a person eats, essentially turning the bread or cake into alcohol inside their stomachs. That's fucking beautiful. I didn't mean to hit that one.

Mangiato struggled with symptoms for ages without knowing what was causing that. I wouldn't have said a word. And without even realizing he was. basically, who the fucks bother me? He was basically drunk. He would have, he would have slurred speech, loss of coordination, confusion, even dangerously high blood alcohol levels that would last up to two days. Again, folks, no booze. There had been many instances where individuals complained that they smelled alcohol on me when I hadn't had a drop. I would often notice signs appearing after consuming foods high in carbohydrates or sugar, Mongera, Splosolix.

even meals that seemed relatively normal could trigger symptoms. The condition was so bad that it cost him his job. Oh my God. This buds for you. You're fired. You're fired. And led to two DWI charges in six months in the state of New York, one of which came a year after he stopped.

That would be awesome. You get pulled over for drinking and you're like, I'm not drunk. I'm stuffed. just came from the fucking donut shop up the street. He finally came upon Dr. Prasara Wicramson, that's him, Indian fella, a gastroenterologist at Richmond University Medical Center

on Staten Island, who was one of the leading researchers of the condition. Wow, there's 100 people. I could be the fifth researcher. He was officially diagnosed with ABS and started hysterically crying. Not the doctor, the kid, because he finally had an answer. But working with a gastroenterologist and infectious disease specialist and a nutritionist,

Mangiato has been able to figure out which meals or stressors would set off episodes, which became less frequent and more predictable. But his outlook is hopeful now that he has a plan of attack. And he says answers about his mystery condition. brought back a sense of control to his life. I myself would like to be out of control. It would be more fun.

Your wife goes, we have to go to that thing with the Smiths tonight. You're like, I'm drunk. I don't need to get more drunk. I'm pounding bread. You're what? Yeah. You're like, I'm going to pound bread. There you go. I'm pounding bread on my own.

Stomach's like a goddamn panera in there. Here's the dad. They figured out it's congenital. and after the doctor met his father, they figured out what he was handed out to him. Thank you, Sammy. I'm honored to be standing here. And I'd rather imagine you're surprised that I am.

Last time you and I were side-by-side somebody stepped on my tone. For you youngsters, that's the great Foster Brooks. I suggest you Google the Dean Martin Rouse and watch, you'll binge watch of a 10 hours watching him destroy. Didn't matter who went on before him. Rickles, it didn't matter. Matter of fact, it put him on

Laskin, nobody could follow him. That guy was a drunk, an actual drunk in his day, and he learned how to, and he cleaned himself up and did that for an act, became a zillionaire. Unbelievable. Maybe I can do something with my broken asshole. Maybe they can blow balloons up at a kid's party.

There's got to be something there I can do. All right. Everybody knows you never go full retired. In our West Coast stupid segment tonight, video captured the shocking moment. A bear charged at a hiker while on trail on Mount Wilson. Stupid name for a mountain. And the, it wasn't Wilson a name of the guy

who used to look over the fence on the Tim Allen shot? Was it really? Stupid name. And the Angeles National Forest. The video shows the bear and hiker face to face from a bit of distance. Then the hiker, get this, folks, only a West Coast stoop, walks toward the bear and makes some noise with bells, because I always hike with bells. In case they hurt myself, I can ring the bells and nobody'll hear.

And then I'll ring the bells and the bear will think it's dinner bells and here they come. In an attempt to get the animal to flee. Instead, the ruckus seemed to, excuse me, I'm going to start smoking again. seemed to agitate the bear and it charged at the hiker instead. Man, I can't believe, I told Dallas and I've said this on the show before.

I'd rather be torn apart by a shark in a fucking ocean than a bear. Because a bear first of all, just picture, it's about 400 pounds, it gets on you. It's got that wild animal smell like you picked up a fat girl at a frat party.

And those teeth. And he's not necessarily, going to go for your neck first and put you out of his men. He might rip off an arm first and go, that's delicious. I want some, I want leg meat and take you apart. Then hopefully he goes for this. But can you imagine? I've had dreams where I can smell the animal army and shit.

Insane and only a California, you know, and I can drink. And this guy's older. Probably hates his wife. He goes, I don't give a fuck. Watch this. Oh yeah. That's the bear breathing. Because he goes up to...

Shit. Humana. Humma. Oh my God. Look at the fucking legs on that thing. It's like Lisa Lampinelli coming at you. Holy moly. And here he is with his beach hat and shit.

You got to hand it to him. Some of these outdoors... I wish they had the kid who shot the thing. Eric Chu. We'll talk about him. Chew, ironically. I wish he stayed on. The bear just went by?

I don't know. Eric Chu, who recorded the video, said he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I quote, he said. I was thinking, this guy's crazy. And I hope nothing happens to him. I'll just stand here and watch it happen to him. I'm not sure what was going through his mind, to be honest.

It must have been from California. No, because the last thing you would think about is somebody would actually walk toward a bear. You're supposed to fall down and act like you're dead, I was told. But boy, I had a joke about that on stage, something about Keanu Reeves being such a bad actor. He tried that, and the bear still bit him. And at the point, I was a little bit concerned for his safety.

Yeah, we can tell you are overly concerned. You sat there with your fucking chewing on a sandwich going, watch this. Chew said he stopped recording once he saw the bear get aggressive. The bear said he just had this. ABS disease where he gets buzzed and attacks. After a charge, the hiker began to walk backwards. No, he didn't. He dove into the grass away from the animal and Chu and his friends did the same.

And I'm not kidding you, it's in my book that'll come out in five years. When I was writing about the Meldens. And one of my friends, it was a hot summer night, like a Friday. They're dancing on their front porch like it's goddamn Tennessee or the Appalachian with country music. My friend drills one of them in the back with a fucking, tomato from my dad's garden, the guy turns around and sees me and starts chasing me. I don't know which brother it was. I think it was Johnny the mechanic.

He never left the house, by the way. I was being chased by a product of, I think, was incest. They were all chasing me down my street. And I was fast. Luckily, he was a grown-up. And I dove into high grass. He watched him. He went to keep him all the way down looking for me.

How fucking funny was that? I almost shit my pants. They eventually hiked up the mountain and hid behind some bushes to let the bear pass. They made it safely down the mountain without any more encounters. I don't care.

I just wanted to... Again, if you got torn apart, that should go to funny's home videos. People getting hurt. Imagine? You sneak in there, replace the videos like a little kid in China getting hit by a bus?

Yeah, everybody's like What the fuck? Oh, that's the winner. Also, ladies and gentlemen, next headline. Reason 3,000 not to live in the New York area. A vicious flesh-eating bacteria may be lurking in bodies of water across Long Island, as researchers warned its victims,

listen to this, face a 20% chance of dying within 48 hours. Yeah, Long Island. Stony Brook University professor, Dr. Christopher Gobbler. Oh, no. Oh, no, Chris. What kind of gobbler? You like goo? An ecologist within the School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences

announced this week that his team has found evidence of vibriovolnificus hotspots festering in several ponds. I despise it with every fiber. of my being. Bacteria known as Vario Volnificus, also known by the Centipodes Control and Prevention as Flesh-Eating Bacteria, is present in a risk in our waters. Gobbler, said to his boyfriend as they were spawning on the beach. Let's take a look at the videotape. Could you say a bit more about flesh-eating bacteria?

Only in New York would they be laughing about it. So we've been tracking a bacteria known as Vibrio Vulnificus. Sounds like a dinosaur. This is a bacteria that had existed only in the Gulf of Mexico or been known to cause problems only in the Gulf of Mexico in the 20th century. How did it get here, though? And this century has slowly moved up the East Coast. Yeah.

There was a prediction that it shouldn't show up in our waters until the year 2018. But then Biden became president. And unfortunately, in 2023, there were cases of three people died in Long Island Sound via exposure to this bacteria. Yeah, it was supposed to get here in 2080, but somehow it got here now. I wonder what changed. Oh, that's right. The Biden administration. And administrations before him, too.

Also, Gulf of America. Gulf of America. Look at there. They look like I had those. It looks like edamami. They look like Martian sperm. That's what that looks like. Gobblers team announced Tuesday that the bacteria

has now made its way to several of more bodies of water, including sacaponic pond. God damn it. That's where I fish. Then Meekawks Bay. Go ahead. Fill in dick joke, folks. And Georgicot Pond on the South Fork.

I've never heard any of these places. and I've performed in Long Island thousands of times. I got flesh-eaten disease from the fucking, from the fish sticks at the club, the governor's club. That's a joke. They have great food. A gobbler blamed the bacteria spread on a perfect toxic storm of nitrogen runoff and Ilan Omar's piss.

No, nitrogen runoff mixed with algae blooms and climate change. The doctor explained that nitrogen runoff from Suffolk County's roughly 360,000 aging cesspools and septic systems. That's human cock up, folks. Do that help you out? Run off from that into water. You know, that with the heat and the algae. And look at, look at that.

I'd send that back. That's hate of the waiter. Come on. I said medium. What the fuck is this? cesspools and septic systems are leaching directly into the regions. So think about that the next time you're to beach and you get to swallow a mouthful of, my friend, my wife's best friend got this on a cruise ship.

Unbelievable. Excuse me. From like a hot tub or something. That nitrogen then continues to feed the blooms as it warms and depletes the oxygen levels in the water. If someone's immunocompromised like a gay fella, you know, a choreographer, somebody who figure skates, you know.

Or elderly, and they have open wounds in summer. First of all, if you have open wounds, stay the fuck home. I don't need that. Well, I'm at the buffet. Open wounds in the summer. You may want to stay out of the water.

Well, thank you, Dr. Gobbler. Are you sure about that, Dr. Gobbler? That is it for the week, ladies and I enjoy myself thoroughly. People still ask me, do you like to do? Tommy said, do you still, I go, I have more fun now than I did when we were doing it five years ago. And I said, if it only translates into ticket sales,

you'll, I'll be here fucking forever. You know I'm saying? Ooh, that looked good. Don't forget cameo.com. Nick, what's cameo? Well, that's when you go on Cameo, click on my profile, and I'll make a personalized video saying, Happy birthday to somebody who are making fun of them.

They're limp or if somebody's got cancer in the family, you can pick on them for like a minute and a half. It's a lot of fun. Cameo.com. That is it for the week, ladies and gentlemen. You guys think it, I will say it. Hope you have a great weekend with all those people that you enjoy in your life. And we'll see you back here on Monday, right?

We're on a real string. See you back here Monday. Take care, everybody. Hi, good night everybody.