The Nick DiPaolo Show - Ilhan Omar a Cancer in DC | Nick Di Paolo Show #617

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Facebook secret chat. Ilhan blames police. Marine stops robbery. Kids being touched...up.

Thanks for watching. Whether on social media or in our schools, on television, or from the White House, now more than ever, our freedoms, especially freedom of speech, are being suppressed, and that's putting it mildly. That's why I do this show, and that's why I put it out for free. For those of you who are able, please consider contributing to the show in any amount so we can keep it free and maintain a forum where right-leaning, honest, unfiltered comedy exists. Just click on the contribute button on your screen or go to nickdip.com and click on the contribute button at the top. Thank you guys so much.

Let's keep this freedom fight going. electric guitar solo Oh yeah, yeah Welcome to the show, folks, on a Wednesday That's right, I'm here. I thought I might be in Dallas with Crowder, but then they text last night, and I go, no, we only need you for Thursday now. So things change, and I was like, well, I'm not going to go all the way out there for a couple hours, as much as I love the show. And then, you know, just logistically,

it didn't make any sense. But I hope to get out there and sit in with him because last time I had a great time. You ever watch a production on that show? It's better than television. It's crazy the time and effort they put in. And it shows. I think I have 4 million subscribers

or some shit like that. I'll catch him in about a month. What? Anyhow, yeah, so here I is. And we'll be getting in a car tomorrow and driving probably six and a half hours to Port Charlotte. That's how much I hate airport, folks. You could fly, but you have to connect. Oh, I do? Now I doubt. Anytime you have to connect anywhere, I know this from traveling for 35 years, you have to connect anywhere, I know this from traveling for 35 years, anytime you connect anywhere,

that's a minimum five hours of traveling. Minimum. So it's going to, you know, I'm going to spend a fucking save about an hour and a half if I connect and sit and fucking I'd rather fall asleep at the wheel and go off the road and into the

yard where somebody has a Biden signing. Nick, why the poll? Can you tell I ate a sleeve of fucking saltines before I went to bed? I mean, watching the Braves smoke the fucking Astros. Anyways, let's get right to it, folks, shall we? In the N-word segment today, Texas Texans, I should say, owner Cal McNair, used a racist slur at a charity golf tournament held by the team in May, according to Bailey Sports Reporter.

Michael, I have no balls, silver. While addressing a crowd smaller than the one that lined the streets for the WNBA Champs at the Chicago Sky Parade, which I think was a total of 29 people if you count the players and coaches and two male guys. What do you call them? Male delivery guys. Cal had the balls to say, I'm sorry we couldn't get together last year because of the China virus. I know. I can't believe it either. My wife had to splash water on my face to bring me to after I fainted after I read this.

Yes, I blacked out, not because of how shocked I was at his language, but shocked at how mild the slur was. I mean, it's not like he said nigga or kike or spic or chink or wop or mick or nip. or kike or spic or chink or wop or mick or nip. No, he referred to a virus that originated in China as the China virus. I have to admit, I was a little offended because he was so broad with his description and just saying China virus, what he could have said,

like millions of people do every day, without retribution, by the way, Wuhan virus. Some reason that's okay. For some reason or lack thereof, I should say. According to this pussy of a reporter, Michael Silver, everyone in the room gasped except for McNair and his wife. First, let me tell you a couple things. Number one, if the words China virus draw a gasp in a room full of people, and of all places, the state of Texas, we are doomed.

Secondly, I would like to meet Mrs. McNair because she seems like a pretty cool broad to me. According to this little bitch, Michael Silva, Mrs. McNair joked about Carl's racist joke at the event just a week after making a public visit to a local Asian community center. Or what her husband called, he called it zip head central I didn't like so let me ask you mr. Silva what's the proper grace period after making in your opinion a racist slur but which really was not that at all but something based in fact

what's the grace period for that you Do you have to wait three weeks, a month, a year before you face the people you offended? So you're telling me Hannah McNair is so anti-Asian she took the time to visit an Asian community center? The only thing I found offensive in this article is your taking the time to report on such a trivial event and daring to call it journalism. If those 100 people gasped all at once, it was probably because the guest speaker at their golf tournament was the

owner of the worst team in the NFL, the Texans. So thanks for wasting, you know, my time and anybody else who took the time to read this piece of fecal matter. And that is the N-word for today. Let's get right to it. Just when you thought the media couldn't get any dirtier, this story comes out. And it's, I don't know how we were ever going to win if things don't change. When I say we, you know who I'm talking about.

Several establishment media outlets. That would be like the legacy media, NBC, New York Times. You know who I'm talking about. All the ones that have fucking ruined this country. Several establishment media outlets coordinated the release of document disclosures in a giant and secret now defunct online chat room hidden from the public as a series of recent reports reveal. OK, we're talking about son of a whore. We're talking about the Facebook whistleblower Haugen right there, Frances Haugen, who turned

out to be a, remember she said, ooh, she's supposed to be a whistleblower for Facebook saying that, you know, they actually put out misinformation on purpose, hate speech, all shit that applies, all that lingo applies to the right, by the way. That's how I knew this was dog shit to begin with. But so she was in cahoots. These networks, ABC, New York Times, all these legacy media, were meeting in a secret chat room to decide when to release it so it would have the most impact and shit. This is how phony and contrived this was.

The group shut down abruptly on Tuesday afternoon after a series of unanswered inquiries from Breitbart News was sent to no members throughout the establishment media, including at least two New York Times reporters, a senior editor at The Atlantic, an NBC News reporter, and several others. The online chat through an application, they did this through an application called Slack that facilitates group chats and is used by many different newsrooms and other companies nationwide, helped establishment media outlets coordinate the release of their stories on documents provided to them by Haugen,

the so-called Facebook whistleblower. This is just Nazi-like. Slack is generally used internally for easier communication in remote companies, but special features do allow Slack users to set up groups with members from a selection of different companies. That appears to be what happened here, as representatives from each of the above-named companies and others all joined a specially created Slack group to coordinate the stories for maximum impact. Maximum impact. That's nothing wrong with them colluding. It is unclear who

created the group and its full membership list is as of now unknown, but two different press reports, one from an outlet called The Information and the other, a reported column from The New York Times' Ben Smith, publicly revealed the existence of the group and the nature of its purpose, as well as some members. Most known members did not respond to Breitbart News' request for interviews, naturally. They never do. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Nobody here. Which were sent earlier on Tuesday, but after the first round of inquiries went out asking for information about the Slack group and whether its members, in the interest of transparency, would support the public release of its full contents, a third report, this one from tech blog Gizmodo, revealed that the group would be shutting down permanently.

So right after Breitbart made the inquiries about the group, it shut down permanently. Isn't that funny, the timing? But you don't have opening? Oh, no, we close. But why not? We close. Smith himself has not replied to a detailed interview and comment request about his column, but in it, he downplays these revelations.

Well, naturally. The information, the first outlet to reveal the secret of Chatz's existence was, according to it in Smith's subsequent report, barred from membership in the group despite efforts to join. So anybody who was sniffing around gets the boo. by efforts to join. So anybody who was sniffing around gets the boo. The excuse from Andrew Couch, Gizmodo's executive editor and inventor of popcorn, for the shutting down of the Slack group is because now access to the document its members coordinated release of in it is being expanded beyond the original group of public. The party was

getting too big. We couldn't keep track of it. It is unclear if the group is formally disbanded already or just intends to eventually disband. It is also unclear if a digital record of the group's members' coordination still exists or not. Of course it does. No known members have not replied when asked if they support the interest of transparency, which they all purport to believe in, the full public release of the entirety of the coordination efforts in the Slack group. So they pretend, go ahead, check us out, but they disbanded. I'm sure somebody was keeping minutes. Where are the right-wing hackers to tap into this, other than Breitbart making some inquiries? The mere fact that these media figures were coordinating across multiple publications, and presumably with Haugen or her

representatives in an explosive revelation, do you see how it's working, folks? The crooked mainstream media working with a crooked woman fake whistleblower? Ugh! Can we stop with the... People still say... There are still people on this planet today that go, there's no liberal bias. What are you... The last time such a revelation was

made on this scale, okay, a Lipser called Journal Listsback, during the early days of the Obama administration, it rocked the media to its core and cost several media figures their jobs. I'm trying to figure out who that was. Who, Andy Roney? Yeah, I like buttons. They're on your pants, they're on your shirt.

I like to keep a man a drug Haven't done that one a while Mop multiple media outlets coordinating the timing and content of Impactful news stories is generally considered a sin since when in terms of journalistic ethics Not for a long time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not this fucking time. Right? Not this fucking time.

News organizations do regularly agree to embargoes where they, where they to prepare, where they to prepare themselves and gain access to information ahead of its public release, agree with sources not to release it until a certain time, but coordinating at this level, media-wide, and having a secret non-public chat room to do it in, that is a whole different ballgame. If that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? No, you're not. You're an eggplant. What's more, Haugen is now being formally represented by former Deputy White House Secretary Bill Burton.

She, there is the ugly Reese Witherspoon, who worked for years in former President Barack Obama's wife. Is it me or anybody that worked in that White House? It's a cancer and a blight on democracy, whether it's this jerk-off, Merrick Garland, who he picked, Marxist. Worst thing that ever happened in this country, Barack Obama. You might think you feel great, Whitey, because you're both. Worst thing that ever happened in this country, a cancer. Still getting away with it. Burton confirmed to the Times-Smith that while he originally was a volunteer, he is now being paid, this is the lawyer, by tech billionaire Pierre Omidyar, who is funding the effort from Haugen.

Burton has not responded to Breitbart News' request for an interview or a detailed set of questions, including whether or not he was a member. Like, he's going to admit that, right? You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that? Yeah, I do. So there you have it. How many more stories do we have to have?

I can't believe Zuckerberg walks around and, I mean, back in the 60s, this would have got you whacked. It's ironic. We live in such a gun-loving country and whatever the fuck. These people are doing, these are, you can't even describe them as felonies. They're against the Constitution. I mean, just maybe not this, but what Biden's doing, letting fucking people in, not vaccine, making people from Europe. He's in Glasgow, right? Today, I think, is a G20 summit. He thinks it's a fuck, G20. He's like, I think he's at a bingo game. How many people are you? Anyways,

you imagine, but if you come from Europe, you have to show a vaccination proof. But they're letting half of Central America and the rest of the world, 200. So do you guys really still believe in the vaccine and this is all real? I'm sorry if you do. And it's not you. You're my fans. I just apologize. Again, any liberal douche should actually, you know, stumbles over the show and learn something. Hey, guys, I'm headed to Florida starting tomorrow.

That's right. I'll be driving 48 hours nonstop on meth and fucking monster drinks. Be constipated for the next three days. Cut a fart so dry it'll fucking burn the fucking tiles off the roof at the Motel 6. I'm sorry. Headed to Florida starting tomorrow. I'm going to be doing four shows at the Vicente Comedy Theater in Port Charlotte, Florida. Shows are Thursday, one show.

Friday, one show. Saturday, two shows. If you live in Port Charlotte or Venice or Naples or Fort Myers, make plans to come out. I mean, look, you have DVRs, right? You record the fucking game, the World Series. It's great. You go home and you can watch the game in an hour and a half. You guys hear me?

You know how many times when I was a young comic, I went to Atlanta and they were in the playoffs? And it directly affected, even famous comics. I wasn't famous back then. Not that I am now. But even big comics would see it. They'd be like, how many tickets? Yeah, about 11.

What? Yeah, fucking Glavin's going against so-and-so. Anyways. Also, I'm back at the Plaza Hotel and Casino, which means I'm going to make fucking airplane ticket reservations, in Vegas, November 12th and 13th. And I just added dates early next year in upstate New York, New Jersey, and on Long Island.

Get tickets to all my shows at nickdib.com and click on the tour button. Could you? Sure you could. Guess who's back on the news ladies and gentlemen did I not give any text to this for you no I forget how to fucking do this that's my problem you're right look at this that's all I sent them anyways this cocksucking American Hayden part of the squad, the cancer of the squad, this is a woman that we rescued.

She was growing up in a refugee camp in, was it Nigeria? Somalia. Somalia. Thank you. I can never remember. You know why? Because it's a shithole that always will be. Why? Because not all cultures are equal. What? Yeah, she was in a refugee, and we saved this whore, this ungrateful pig who married her fucking brother.

Can't wait to see those family photos. Hey, Ilhan, how come your kid has a lobster claw for a hand and an eye on his foot? Well, I fucked my brother. cloth for a hand and an eye on his foot. Well, I fucked my brother. Anyways, this pig face, again, you know, Minneapolis politician who helped defund the cops and

you know, crime is through the roof in Minneapolis and just murders are up and just everything we thought. This dumb twat wanted to, you know, have social services or child psychologists play cop. Remember? Who did they want to call in social services? Somebody

like that. Instead of the actual cops. Well, here she is at a high school. I noticed the camera didn't face out because the four people would not sign the waiver that we're listening. How depressing that they're a little... So anyways, to cut to the chase,

it's not going to be a surprise. You know who she's blaming for the uptick in crime? I mean, a spike like we haven't seen in 60 fucking years. Guess who she's blaming? Yeah, the police. The police. Listen to this thing. What we must also recognize is that the reduction in policing currently in our city

and the lawlessness that is happening is due to two things. Pause. It's due to one thing. They're directly related. Loosen the fucking tablecloth on that skull of yours. Get some blood in there she just said the uptick in crime and you know the decrease in plays two reason this is what's going on downtown Minneapolis at night. She's diddling her clam as she watches out the window.

Go ahead, let the pig speak. One, the police have chosen to not fulfill their oath of office. Pause. The police have chosen not to fulfill their oath of office. She just said. Ah, you think it has anything to do with you letting them burn down a police station during the fucking riots? Or defunding them so they're out-armed by the criminals? Honest to God.

Honest to fucking God. I'm starting to believe in white supremacy after I hear shit like this fuck go ahead let the genie out of the bottle again and to provide the public safety they are owed to the citizens they serve right it's documented

but even before that it was documented the Minneapolis police department is the most dysfunctional police department in our state and probably in the country. Pause. Who protects you? Who protects you?

Who are you going to call? Oh, you already have private detail? Do you see what's going on here? They're fucking douchebags like this in Congress and Senate. On the left, these no bail things. Letting thugs back out on the street and shit. Yet they're surrounded by security. Do you see what's going on, folks?

She is just a sad excuse for her human being. Go ahead. The second part is that there has to be accountability and someone that is actually taking responsibility for what the police does. Pause. Not for what the criminals are doing. They shouldn't take accountability for what the police are doing. That't take accountability for what the police are doing that's her focus accountability for the police not the fucking rapists and murderers

and people looting and burning and killing not them to this I say Durka Durka Muhammad Jihad Haka Sherpa Sherpa Baka La okay go ahead and that doesn't exist in this moment Haka Sherpa Sherpa. A bacala. Okay, go ahead.

And that doesn't exist in this moment. It doesn't exist in this moment. You don't exist in this moment. I don't believe it. I'll say it for a 52nd time. I don't believe her or anybody else on the squad was elected. They're appointed. It's all fixed.

I don't know that I'm ever going to vote again after what happened the last. I really don't. It's fixed to the core. The fact that every Republican isn't standing up screaming, trying to impeach Joe Biden for a number of things or even trying to, you know, bring up the what, the 25th Amendment. Nobody's, tells me everybody's fucking in on it. And it's, they're feigning resistance. Don't you feel that way? Don't you care, Arthur?

That was Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon was it Dog Day Afternoon or City Hall he played a lawyer might have been City Hall don't you care Arthur I think Arthur was played by

who's that balding guy that was on he played like a trans guy in a sitcom, yeah, fuck it, you know what I'm talking about, he's very funny, he was on the Larry Day, Larry Sanders, the sidekick, I think I'm, it's one of those two movies, anyways, I digress, again, Minneapolis, Minnesota, I don't know what you're thinking, Here's why I think I'm convinced. They don't take elections. I got a vote. I told you.

Every time I bring up Minneapolis, like 10 years, whenever the last two elections ago, somebody wrote my name in. Somebody and they said that they took a picture of it. I got to vote for president, folks. And that scare you? Anyhow. What other depressing shit can I tell you about? But that's what she said.

The cops, nobody's, you know, they're not doing their job. Can you imagine? They're not doing their job. You fucking whore. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready. Which would be hummus. their job. Yeah.

Which would be hummus. Some type of lamb dish with fucking yogurt on it. Am I right, Dallas? What you just said is very racist. I don't think so, David. Everyone in this room

is now dumber for having listened to it. I don't think so, David. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. May your mother's tits have flagellations. What? Hey, let's follow that story

of a woman who hates law and order, who hates men who can protect and hates our military, hates our veterans, hates Jews. How I didn't hit that button is beyond me. She despises our military, and she's everything that's wrong with it. The flags, we don't have somebody like bitch slapping her while she's walking down the street. That would make my just a brown house, not the herd, just bust an air drum like my

father did mine. That type of shit. He was a Marine. Speaking of Marines, this is a great clip. This is everything that's right with the country after showing everything that's wrong. A United States Marine Corps, or as Obama used to say, corpse. I actually said that, by the way, Mr. fucking Harvard Law Review. A U.S. Marine Corps veteran who disarmed a teenage robbery

suspect in Arizona gas station by grabbing his gun says he was doing what needed to be done. grabbing his gun, says he was doing what needed to be done. And that's how Marines look at it. You and I would say, that's why I hate like a cop would say, now if you did it, you're a veteran, so they wouldn't say it to you, Dallas, but if I did it or something, they'd say, never do that. You could get yourself killed. Well, I'm worrying I'm going to get killed there if I see an opening.

But most of us wouldn't do that. But for a veteran, a Marine, you know, it's like, no, this had to be done. So I did it. And especially after like what Dallas has seen or who knows what this guy saw. I mean, this is kids play. You think you're going up against the fucking Taliban, ISIS, Al Qaeda. You're going to be afraid of, you know, a couple of teenagers. Fucking, it's kids play.

Anyways, that's how I feel about this guy. I would give this guy a hand job if he showed up. Why not a blowjob? Ah, it's going a little too far. What? He was the best guy around. That's all I'm trying to say, ladies and gentlemen. James Kilser said he was talking to the clerk on Wednesday when the gun-pointing suspect entered the store.

I don't know if they were white or black, but I'm going to go out on a little bit with two companions. It was definitely not what I was expecting, he says. But you always have to be ready for that kind of stuff, Kielser said. Yeah, that's the country we're living in now, he told the Yuma son. Kielser, now a Army Yuma Proving Ground civilian employee, said the suspect and his companions were looking at the clerk, not him. I scanned them from any other weapons and didn't see any. That's where I would

have fucked up. Guy would have had like a meat cleaver behind him. I would have reached out. My hand would have been locked up. He says, that's when I knew he was my guy at that point. Check this. This is like right out of a movie. If I'm a lefty, I told Dallas after watching it, well, go ahead. Let's

run it. Watch how smooth this goes down. That's all right. Knock, knock, ding, dong, who's there? Couple of brothers, want to steal a clock bar? All right, here we go. Need some monster drinks. Watch this.

Picked the wrong dude. Watch this. Picked the wrong dude. Can you imagine? That takes some serious gonads, folks. Wow. Not only grabs the gun, but the guy gets a fucking nice overhand right of fucking Diet Coke cans to his face. Holy Christ. How about that, huh? He was the best guy around. Yeah, luckily. If I was in that store, that guy would have been like, you know,

fucking Katie Lang or somebody. How the fuck did I come up with that old name? Fucking Katie Lang or somebody. How the fuck did I come up with that? Old name. Keisler sprang at the suspect, grabbed the gun, and hit the suspect in the face with a bag of drinks. Kelser said he then held the suspect from behind at gunpoint, oh, as his two companions ran away. Don't you move, you motherfucker.

I'll blow your brains out. I guess I was just in the right place at the right time, Kelser said. See now that's how military guys would look at it, and cops, and you and I would go, I guess I was in the wrong place again! I coulda got hurt! I used to have a great joke about a guy that was shot in DC at a gas station. Was it that assassin? Remember the assassin, the Muslim assassin that was shooting people in D.C. area? I think it was that. And somebody came out and said the guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I go, the wrong place?

He was getting gas at noontime on a Tuesday. Where the fuck do you go, to Chuck E. Cheese to fill up? Yeah, you're right. He deserved to fucking die. Anyways, the Marine, ex-Marine, always a Marine, says I was doing what needed to be done. The 14-year-old suspect, 14. This is just a cycle that's never going to end until we can talk honestly about race and people don't get upset like somebody I know

when you state a fact and they go, oh, that's fucking ignorant. Until we have an honest conversation, it's going to keep going and be fueled by the same. 14-year-old suspect was booked into the county juvenile justice. Don't worry. He'll be out. They take a Discover card. Juvenile Justice Center on charges of armed robbery and aggravated assault, of course. I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all, and I'm blacker than black, and I'm black, y'all.

The other two specs were still being sought. I'd check the basketball court downtown. I'd check the basketball court downtown. See how smooth he did that? Let me ask you a question, if that guy was on the set of Rust, you think anything would have went down if he was the armorer? You think there would have ever been a problem with the guns and shit? That was just, now like I said, if I'm watching that today and I'm a real cynical lefty, I'm going to go, that was staged. They're just trying to, do you notice how he was dressed, by the way? We put the picture up, right?

Was he the one with the T-shirt? Yeah, yeah. I put it back up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Look what he's wearing. So I'm sure you won't see this anywhere else. In the mainstream media, of course.

Look at his T-shirt. Are you fucking kidding me? Let's go brand to make America great. I wonder how he voted. But you guys are on the other side. See, we're the idiots, the unvaxxed, unwashed masses who voted for Trump. We're the problem. Isn't that a sign of white supremacy right there, what you just saw? Is that

not a sign of white supremacy, what he just did? Fucking people. You have no idea how to fucking defend a nation. God bless that guy. He should be on every show. Maybe he will be. I would think you might see him on America 1 or something tonight, Fox.

When I had a radio show in New York, there was a clip online of a guy in Long Island working at a gas station like that or a bodega or whatever. Somebody came in armed, and he fucking, within seconds, had the guy in a headlock choking him out and shit. And I was talking about it on my radio show and the guy called in. Man! MMA guy.

He was an MMA guy. And it went down just like you'd think. Anyway, still takes major stones. Hey, listen up. If you guys don't have a Nick DiPaolo show t-shirt or hat or mug or plastic hips or the new leather nipple clamps, the Nick DiPaolo nipple clamps, pick one up now and show off your support for the show. Excuse me.

Here's a pumpkin who has a touch of coronavirus. Thanks to Clifford Ritz for this timely Halloween photo. Well done, sir. Make sure. I must not have any girlfriends. We had about three that put on, that was a year ago. That's about it. Make sure you go to nickdip.com and click on store to pick up a shirt or a mug or a hat.

Then send us a photo to display on the show. Preferably you ladies reaching for a box of Wheaties on the top shelf with the t-shirt on. What kind of talk is that? Sounds kind of sexist. You're goddamn right. Finally tonight on Meet the Young Ladies, Jennifer Green, the headline is children touched up. I wrote that. Jesus, am I clever. How the fuck am I poor? Jennifer Green doesn't want her 12-year-old daughter, Madeline,

Madeline, that's the name of a 46-year-old woman, to feel pressure into looking picture perfect. So when the Maryland mom opened the seventh grader's school picture package from photography company Life Touch and saw it urged parents to lay out an extra 12 bucks for portrait retouching services, including teeth whitening, skin tone, evening blemishes. I thought it said evening blemishes. You know when you want to go out in the evening and show those zits? You can slap them right up. Even blemishing removal.

She freaked out. Oh, come on. It's a zit. She says, I was shocked, Green 43. I completely disagree with retouching a child's school picture because it's teaching kids that they need to look perfect all the time and that they can change a perceived flaw with a click of a mouse. Retouching options on school portraits aren't new, but they're now being offered to students as young as pre-K. What the fuck?

Yeah, let's, you know, she's almost, what, three? Her lips aren't pouty and sexy enough. Give her some tits. And are becoming as ubiquitous as face-altering filters on social media, which have triggered a spike in anxiety and depression in teen girls, of course. And I don't mean to be insensitive, but what doesn't trigger anxiety in teen girls? Oh, for you. You know, I'm going to need someone to explain to me why at LifeTouch,

she says, offers photos retouched for kids in school pics, she tweeted late last month. What the hell, she said. She never received a response, and LifeTouch did not respond to the post request for comment. Put the kid back up there. I don't think I've talked about it yet, have I? This is the freckle kid, right? Last November, Tampa-based, oh, I'll give him a piece of my mind when I'm done, based mom Kristen Lerns, L-O-E-R-N-S. I don't know what the fuck that is. Kristen did a double take when she received her son Karen's school photos.

Karen, K-I-E-R-N-S. Might as well be Karen. His adorable freckles had vanished. Now, all due respect, Mrs. Cairn, freckles is the last problem you got here. I stared at that and went, what a cute little fucking girl. I don't know, maybe he plays guitar in a band.

But I agree with her as far as, why would you take the freckles away? Probably an English guy who hates Irish people. Touch those up. But I'll also maybe give him a boy's haircut. If I was a photographer,

I would have put a baseball glove on him and fucking give him some tobacco to clear up any confusion. Nick, that's so old-fashioned. I know. Suck it. I gave permission for basic retouching, which would be removing blemishes,

and they removed all his freckles instead. She's acting like they took a scalpel to the fucking... She complained to LifeTouch, which remedied the situation. I'm in the middle on this. I'll continue. Which remedied the situation by resenting the pictures with Karen's adorable freckles returned. Okay.

Freckles were returned like a lost wallet. Whitney Rose, a mom of two hearing-impaired toddlers. What are you doing? Setting fireworks off in the crib? What? My son said his first word today. Nick, that's me. I know, but it's a comedy show.

Lighten the fuck up, fags. Anyways, two hearing-impaired toddlers. Apparently she went to a KISS concert while carrying the kids, told the Post that she believes a photographer from a different company erased her three-year-old son's hearing aids from his school page. Oh my God, I don't know if that's bad or good. Her outrage over the apparent offense garnered 2.2 million views on TikTok. These are my son's hearing aids. Maybe the people at the photo company is trying to help the kid get laid.

You don't want a kid in first grade going, huh, what? They help him hear. They are part of who he is, and he likes them, Rose said on TikTok account. It's sending a message to him that part of who he is, his hearing loss, is something he should be ashamed of. But Manhattan mom, Heidi Green, an event and professional portrait photographer

who spent 10 years snapping school pictures, said it's often parents who are pushing for perfection, which I believe. I'm in the middle. Look, I see what she's saying. I get her point. But I also see, you don't know how old the people are

who are taking these pictures. There's a generation thing there. You know, they grew up, even if these people are taking pictures, they were in their 20s or 30s, they grew up on Facebook. Everything's perfect, photo, blah, blah, blah. They think they're doing the kid a favor. Kind of silly, he's a little kid.

And I get the mom's point, you shouldn't be ashamed of something like that. But I don't think it was ill will. Since whenever do I am the voice of reason? That's scary. The parent feels like they had to get the flaw fixed in order to enjoy the school picture. Most parents, this is what the photographer said, order to enjoy the school picture most parents is what's a photographer was it or to make the child look better she said she said I took a picture of a third-grade girl who had fake tits I can't but no green said there's a fine line between standard

photo editing and damaging retouching particularly if the perceived imperfection is permanent. Again, that's way over a photographer's head. I'm sorry. One year, a client asked Green to edit out a lifelong scar caused by a birth defect on her daughter's face. Oh, my God. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face.

I don't like your jerk-off behavior. And I don't like you, jerk-off. First of all, the photographer's assuming it was a lifelong scar. How do you know the mother didn't whack her with a fucking coat hanger or something? She said, I felt bad about it, she said. I smoothed it out a little bit so that she'd be happy with the picture without changing much. Removing a permanent scar to me would be like saying, can you make my child's eyes blue?

Because why would you want your kid to look in the picture like they don't look in real life? Well, I could show you a lot of pictures where you could retouch for the next 10 years. What is concerning is when a child learns that the permanent characteristics have been changed in the photo and no longer reflect what they see in the mirror. Blah, blah, blah. Could that start to make them feel inadequate? Yes, because we live in a country that's softer than a sneaker full of shit. Imagine you bring home your picture and your father looks at it. Y'all fat fuck, look at you.

Daddy, look at my second grade pictures. Y'all fat fuck, look at my second grade pictures. Y'all fat fuck, look at you. And that's his daughter. Anyways, I'm not going to read the rest of this article because like everything else, it's way too fucking long. But I can relate to some of this because as you know, being in show business or being a comic, you have to have headshots done

every few years to update them. And as you know, a lot of people don't like my comedy. And I get a feeling a lot of, even as a kid, my dad got in an argument with a photographer as a kid. He brought me a picture to take. And a guy didn't like my father. I'm guessing when we got home, well, there's me, the before shot when I was a kid. And this is what the guy sends us. Timing is everything, Dallas.

What is that, a dog peeing on me? It's supposed to be a whole new picture. There you go. That's Dallas's idea. It looks like a dog, it looks like a dog kite. I'm holding it, the string of my teeth. Go ahead, next one. This is going in the tank, but it'll be funny anyways. There I am washing my dirty ass in the sink in my grandmother's house, and the photographer sends back this. Oh, for the love of God. It's funny, that thing didn't even exist in 1963.

Go ahead, next. I told them to do juvenile shit. I told Dallas, just put some silly shit. Here I am before I became whatever. And this is what we got back after the guy touched it up. See, that's not even. That's when I bit Father Thomas' cock and drew some blood. Next. Look at me! I didn't get any

pussy. Nah, not at all. Okay. I got some dick too, apparently. That's what Dallas, when he saw that sweater, he thinks Argyle equals that. Anyway, anymore? There's the before picture. Now show the after picture. And there it is. That's both the before and after. I did that when I was shaving my goatee. Look, I comb my hair like Hitler. Before I go tonight, I want to thank you people who contribute to the show.

One time contribution. Again, I'm recognizing the same names. It's starting to make me mad. I'm happy for them, and I appreciate them, but Larry Ramey, Ohio. Mrs. DiPaolo. No. Miles DuPont.

Miles DuPont, Connecticut. Kelly Hubbard, Michigan. Sean Powell. James Crotty. That's a new one. Colorado. Jeff Patterson, Utah. Jeremy Campbell, California.

Quindarius Gooch, Washington, Paul Sagdella, Connecticut, Kit Fortney, Michigan. What do I have, the same 10 subscribers, folks? I mean contributors. Nuwal Matables, there's a joke in there, I can't even figure it out. Nuwal Matables, Beak Senior, South Carolina. Brett Wilbanks of New York, that's a new one.

Joseph Safar of Georgia. How you doing? Safar, South Carolina. Brett Wilbanks of New York. That's a new one. Joseph Safar of Georgia. How you doing? Safar, so good. Stephen Morgan, Nebraska. New monthly supporter. Harley Shannon of Oklahoma. Gary Laporte of San Diego. James Crotty, Colorado.

Walter Bowers, Delaware. Joe Tonelli. I want to thank all of you who contribute individually on a monthly basis. As you know, I'm trying to make the show grow, folks. I really am. So we have to pick it up. I should be getting knocks on my door from the FBI for the shit I'm saying, and I'm not, which tells me I'm not even a blip on their fucking radar.

Uh-oh, ding-dong tonight. Oh, Halloween. Anyways, that's it. You guys, cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to cameo.com. That is it. You guys think that I will say it? You're very welcome.

See you back here on, yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow for Florida. See you back here on Monday. Hope to see you in Port Charlotte. Take care. guitar solo Outro Music