The Nick DiPaolo Show - Iran About To Get Bitchslapped | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1859

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

In this episode, Nick talks about Iran Asking For It, Prince Andrew Arrested, Trans Shooter's Fucked Up Family, Snoop's Credit Card, Another Boat Blasted, McDonald's Coffee, Oakland Still a Shithole and Midnight Munchies!  The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/  

be happier? Yeah. Yeah. Who couldn't? That's going to be on my headstone. Actually, no, it's the other one. What was that all about? Maybe that should be the name of the book. What was that? I got a great near. I'll tell you off here because again, yeah, I know people who have sticky things. I like them because they like me, but anyways, how are you, folks? Welcome to the live lineup where you get my show. The Great Crowder, louder with Crowder and all these other shows for free. I mean, come on. It sounds like the Democrats are handed out shit,

but this is, you want it to add free? You have to sign up for Rumble Premium. And it's well worth it. You've got a great line up there. And if you want to stay in touch with what's going on during the day and, you know, have a few laughs. And when I say few, I mean few. Hello.

Hold on a second. I've been sweating since I got up. What up, folks. Just telling Dallas, so funny, it's around 12.30 every night. It's almost I have a mental problem. Around 12.30, I go, ooh, I should hit the sack right now. That ain't bad for me.

Then I keep watching the fucking Olympics. So I go, around when I go, I better take something. So I take a fucking Advil PM. It says to take two, but at my age the next day, you walk around in a coma because it doesn't metabolize like when you were younger, like everything else. So I take wine and I'd swig about a half a bottle of white wine and cut to me, watching TV,

then shutting it off and staring at the ceiling for the next hour and a half. I don't know what's going on up in here, but it's definitely up in here. It's not external. I really believe it's like a shrink could say, but I don't believe in that shit. I just don't believe in it.

I've tried it four years in a row. I don't believe in it. Like Dawn. Gavin. Yeah, cocaine. Yeah, fucking, people say you get hooked that. I didn't get hooked on. I tried it for like 10 years. I didn't have a problem.

Yeah, so I finally fall asleep. I don't know what time it was, three or whatever the fuck. And what do I do? And these are my dreams. They're all the same. None of them are me getting blown by a lake, winning a gold medal,

you know, going on a date with Lily Munstead. None of the good shit. It's always anxiety. It's me lost in New York trying to get back to my house in Westchester almost every time. Last night I'm on an audition. Again, again, once again in New York, I don't know why. It's supposed to be New York. And I'm trying to get to the audition.

I'm driving. I'm not prepared. A shrink would have a feel day with this shit because it's just all anxiety base. And I keep blowing my fucking two lines in the audition. The other people are giving me dirty look. that are in the scene. Fucking things over. Nobody's talking to me.

The other people, actors are talking of the woman who was auditioning us. Nobody even looked at me. I mean, this is night after fucking night. They talk about, oh, and it's obviously not, what do they call it, middle age, fucking

Christ, mid-age, whatever the fuck. It's not that, because obviously, you know, let me see, that'd be 134, this was middle age. I don't fucking have an expedition for it. But it, and I was saying to Tommy on the phone, I mean,

I go, Tommy, I have to get this sleep thing straight before I even think about doing fucking dates. I can't go. He's already got a couple on the book in May, and I'm like, I can't go on the fucking,

I can't go on stage like this. You know, I can, and you guys will have a ball in the audience. because I'll be nasty as hell, don't know where I'm going. Makes for a good show usually. But, you know, there are those people that want to see you do your act. And as the great whoever said, I got to look up the quote.

My act is something I do, and I'm not feeling funny that night, which is my favorite quote of all fucking Dallas knows what it means, because he's hung out with me long enough and he knows. And he's seen my fucking act, which can murder, but that's what stand up turned into people doing an act And I'm sort of from the, at least I believe in the sort of the Lenny Schultz. That guy. Lenny Bruce.

Lenny Bruce says, I hate to do a joke more than two times. Then it becomes a bit. Which he believes, you know what I mean? Off the cuff shit. Not too many people can do it. But it's turned into whole different things. Data. People want some framework, which is fine.

I understand great written bits. I mean, you know, Dennis Miller, I was just listening on the way here on the radio. He was on the radio. And it's just well written out, you know, which is what it turned into and that's fine. I'm just saying you need memory

at that point. I used to be able to dip back into my first album for some bits if I was having a slow night. I can't even dip into fucking something I wrote two weeks ago. It's fucking weird. And I remember Lenny Clark

saying this on stage. And this was when I started comment he had already been doing it a while and he goes to the crowd let me tell you some folks people say I'm a genius because I never do the same act twice I can't remember the fucking shit uh great quote so yeah I'm a I'm a fucking then Andy comes in the room every time I turn on last today she's comes coming at me with a date book and ask me to make a decision God forbid and I just fucking I go I said I said I'm so tired of life right now lay me alone I don't know Crowder I was supposed to do They changed their schedule and then they're like you know he can give me I said okay I

didn't want to bring it up anyways they want me there for the run through which I've never watched the run through once since I've been doing it so I don't know what the problem is but I yell at my wife for anyways which ain't fair but I don't give a a fuck I'm fucking you just see me today I was waiting for somebody to look at me the wrong way to red light I was gonna fucking turn my car right into him and T-bone him I get, I'm like my old buddy Zook. Someday Zook goes, Zook would stay in the fucking house.

If he woke up like that, he would stay in the fucking house. And we were so much alike like that. He goes, I don't want to be around myself today. And he wouldn't even fucking pick up the phone. And I know it's not fucking normal, but it is normal. Some shrink going to talk it out of you. Did you dad? Fuck you.

No, I woke up pissed. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you. You're stupid. I was with him. I'll give you a quick. Antiquetote as opposed to antidote, which is one of my favorite jokes by Ron White, because I always confuse the word. Antiquetote and antidote.

I'm out camping with my buddies, a poison snake bites him in the ass, and I'm leaning over and telling him a funny story. It was something like that. That's a good tag. You should be snap out of it. It's funny. Not a great one. I was with Zuck one time, and he lived on a busy story. about a quarter mile before I grew up, right?

Right up the street. But it was a busy main street. I lived on a side street off that street. Anyways, I'm at his house with him. We get in his car. And to get out of his driveway, there's a fucking intersection, right? A busy intersection. And sometimes you'd have to wait eight minutes to get out of his back out of his driveway, right?

So I'm with him. I'm in the passenger. We're waiting. I can see fucking, I can see fucking smoke coming out of his face. And he finally backs out like and squeezes in. Like I thought we got to crack the guy behind, you know. And then he throws it because nobody would let him out. He puts it in fucking park, puts his feet up on the dashboard.

And I sit there going, what are he doing? I watched that light change twice. People are leaning on the horn for fuck. It felt like an hour. It had to be a good two minutes. Just put his feet up on the, I go, what the fuck? And then he screamed at me. And then later on he explained it was a year to the day that his dad had died.

Which I, you know, I didn't fucking know. But oh my God, I thought we were going to get shot. Just picture, there was a quarter mile of cars behind. He's leaning on the fucking, fucking, oh. And he was a cop. And a good one. God bless him. But me and him, some days, man, he'd call me and I go, I don't want to fucking talk to anybody.

He'd just fucking hanged. He'd know. So much alike like that. And he was so goddamn funny. Anyways, those are my little personal stories. Again, that could be in a book. I just don't know how to stretch that little story into a paragraph, to a chapter.

Bring a shovel. There you go. That's the name of the book. That's the name of the book. I brought my shovel. Oh, my God. I'm almost starting to write, folks. I got nine titles.

I brought my shovel. Very good, though. What's the other ones I gave you? I haven't told you the best one. I brought my shovel. Jesus Christ, I told Colin one the other day. He goes, that's it. Oh, yeah, I can't tell you.

It's too good. I'm probably going to use it. All right, fuck it. Plus, I think I have a tumor in the middle of my back. You think I'm kidding? Something's fucking throbbing back. That ain't normal. I breathe in.

Anyways, did I go through this shit about ad-free rumbo? Today I'll be talking about everything I just talked about. Good night, everybody. I ran asking for it right in the doper. Prince Andrew speaker right in the doper. It's his birthday today, and how did he celebrate it? Well, he's going to the can. And that trans shooter in Rhode Island?

Jesus Christ, apparently he might have been doing us a favor by taking out some of the other family. What do you fucking hear about his son who's been in? for a while. Oof. And my boy, Snoop, he's won me over, folks. Look, and the only reason is, yeah, he was a fucking,

you know, wighty hater. I can show you nine clips or he's shitting on whitey. Some people I give a break to because he grew up in the fucking hood, poor, whatever to find. And look what he did. And you don't just do that,

by the way, with just talent. You've got to be, you got to work at it, even when you're fucking high. Anyways, he's over and, you know, over in fucking, um,

Milan during the Olympics. And of course, they pair him up. with Martha Stewart and it's so goddamn funny but anyways he went into a little you know treacheria and his fucking credit card

wouldn't work so he gave them tickets Olympic tickets which are way worth way more than uh anyways he's a good fucking dude and he's mellowed out but you know he still had a gun to Trump's head

but then he performed at Trump's inauguration of course he loses half the black people you know Snoop does because God forbid fucking left you guys I've had it so please kick off the war. That way I'll sleep like a baby when I'm dead.

What? That's about it. That's enough. I got more stories for you. But anyways, let's get to Iran asking for it bigly. A massive U.S. military buildup in the Middle East suggests the United States could be ready to launch a, and this is in, quote, sustained bombing campaign on Iran in weeks or even days. Should Tehran continue refusing President Donald?

Donald Trump's demands in the ongoing negotiations. They keep saying, yeah, we'll do that, and then they don't do that. Don't give me that smart out of your shit. Al-aqbo. With a second aircraft carrier en route to the region, boy, that's a pretty boat. Wow. And a flood of hundreds of strike support and other aircraft already nearby. A canoe with two rifles.

The share scale of the force is now positioned in the region alone is highly unusual. without a Bush in office. And unprecedented in recent decades, former Pentagon official in Atlanta Council, fellow Alex Plitzers, told the Post, while last year's Operation Midnight Hammer, again, my nickname in college,

amongst the sorority ladies. Sure. It was actually three-second hammer. Took just 25 minutes to strike Iran's nuclear facilities. A new campaign could last days to weeks. Well, thanks for narrowing that, huh? Appreciate that, L. Roker.

The deployment, including carrier strike groups, land-based aircraft, refueling tankers, and command and control assets, gives Trump the option to launch what Plitzas described as a sustained air and naval campaign without committing any ground troops. Here's where he thinks outside the box, too. He, and he's been saying this his whole life, he hates when politicians would send other kids, other people's kids to get killed.

And he proved that you don't always have to do that, especially when we blow up the nuclear site in 25 minutes without even a fucking scratch on anybody. The president could decide against military action entirely, but the time remaining for that may soon run out. You know, he's asking of certain things for Iran to give up. In other words, we don't want them getting a nuke. and they keep saying, yeah, well,

and then they keep stonewalling. And he's added up. Because one thing we learn from Trump is, a red line's a red line. Now look at this fucking Middle East and small Santa Claus, waiting for a kid to come up with a heart-shaped ass or a goat. The buildup comes after my boy,

Vice President, Jady Vance, who I just fucking adore. Him and DeSantis, I think they're our future. unless again they steal the thing. Anyways, the buildup came after J.D. Vance said this on Tuesday. Here it is. The United States has certain red lines.

Our primary interest here is we don't want Iran to get a nuclear weapon. We don't want nuclear proliferation. If Iran gets a nuclear weapon, there are a lot of other regimes, some friendly, some not so friendly who would get nuclear weapons after them. That would be a disaster for the American people because then you have these crazy regimes all over the world with the most dangerous weapons in the world. And that's one of the things the president has said he's going to prevent. Now, we would very much like, as the president has said, to resolve this through a conversation and a diplomatic negotiation.

But the president has all options on the table. And, you know, one thing about the negotiation, I will say this morning is, you know, in some ways it went well. They agreed to meet afterwards. But in other ways, it was very clear that the president has set some red lines that the Iranians are not yet willing to actually acknowledge and work through. So we're going to keep on working it. But of course, the president reserves the ability to say when he thinks that diplomacy has reached its natural end, we hope we don't get to that point. But if we do, that'll be the president's call.

Mm. Mm. Yeah. Could you imagine Kamala trying to talk through that? Yes. Oh, my God. Should go, the passage of time is significant. So when time passes, I pass the croutons and the salad dressing.

I'm out of fucking lettuce You stupid bitch Anyways Here's what the kid When I say kid Isn't a kid a baby Goater Is it

It's a baby goater kid When I say kid fuck It's what they call a double entendre Because they like young boys in the Middle East So here's what the kid fucker And they like to fuck goats I mean the Ayatollah This is what he said in response

I'll translate for you Because he's talking in Farsi which I majored in at Maine and much not much use for it up at Maine. Check it out. Listen to that, NG. He says, I haven't taken a good dump in almost two months. I think it's the pita bread and the desert drying out my ass. I saw a little boy at the pool yesterday and got an erection that you could stab an infidel with.

That's right, that was the right answer. Anybody who didn't raise your hand who will behead you in the lobby, I'll be selling these out there too. Look at my hat. I'm hiding a boy's ass all under it. Have fun. Have fun no more to you.

What is the connecting regarding Iranian nations considerate. Shut up. Fucking homicine cock, suckusack. You don't hear that on Hannity. He says, I am doing a

imitation with my voice of R.FK. The strongest might get, pause. This part I loved. He was talking about America, and he goes, they say they're the strongest military in the world. He goes, they might get slapped so hard. It cannot get up.

Cut to Showtime at the mosque. All right. They really think like they can match our firepower. These fuckers. And again, Iran's a modern, you know, Tehran's a modern city and shit, but it's not as bad as like Afghanistan where they can't even fucking.

I want to move to Afghanistan just so I can feel like I'm good with my hands. because they can't do anything. But this, uh, the Trump replied to the Ayatollah. Take a big step back and literally, fuck your own face.

Or let a boy do it. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, that's that. Boy, you gotta say this about Trump. I, I'm listening to my, I'm not going on Exit anymore.

I can't because I can't believe what I'm hearing. And then Bruce Springsteen comes out again, a couple days ago. What a fucking moron. Things are really dark in the United States. It's scaring the shit out of me that a president could be this effective. And he has been. I'll argue anybody on national TV what he's got done.

And people hate his guts. He's so mean. I wish they were even saying that. He's the devil. They don't even, this disconditioned to. They don't even have a policy to let. It's not about politics anymore. It's literally, do not agree with anything, even if he's right,

but we will fucking cancel you. It is the weirdest thing. American grown, and supposedly white liberal women are the fucking worse, because they don't know shit. Nobody's lived a more protected life than white liberal ladies. But looking into the camera. And I saw another story, another story, another story about somebody getting killed, I guess,

ICE was chasing, and they're like, if ICE wasn't here, you're like, why are they here in the first place? Did you think, oh my God, I can't even, maybe that's what's keeping me up, too much news. Joe List's told me that 10 years ago. You watched too much news. And I said, you're full of shit. I went in the bathroom, I came out dressed like Wolf Blitzer.

I had shaved my. All right, anyways, folks, if you don't want to feel like me and you want to be happy. Buy something at nickdip.com, the merch page. All good stuff. And I, you know, it is. The t-shirts and shit. All good stuff.

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roll this, this is great. How are they getting away with that? And then they show like abortion knives and shit. Anyway, support the show. Buy something, please. Thank you so much. Let me tell you something, Frank. Also, if you want to send a personalized video to someone,

I can say what you're thinking so you don't have to. Go to shoutout.us. Shoutout.us. I have two waiting for me. I have a cameo waiting for me. People enjoy the shit, okay? All right. Let's move on.

Happy birthday to Prince. What's his name, Andrew? Prince turns into a frog on his birthday. Disgraced ex-Prince Andrew was arrested Thursday on suspicion of misconduct in public office for allegedly forwarding confidential trade documents to pedophile pal Jeffrey Epsey. Never mind that he was a kid fucker, allegedly.

They're upset because he was passing a legal document. What's worse? At least six unmarked police cards. Listen to this. This is very FBI-like going after a Republican. in this country. At least six on-marked police cars around eight plain-closed officers swooped onto the King's Brothers Sangraham State in Eastern England Thursday. Andrew Mountbatten Windsor's 66th birthday. He kept his maiden name. Big girl.

Andrew, who is still eighth in the line of the throne. What the fuck? I'm 11th. That's not good. Faces a maximum sentence of life in prison if convicted. And you blew it. You blew it. It isn't a goody, but oldie woman. Andrew was reported to Thames Valley Police earlier this month, or Thames, over alleged misconduct in public office following complaints that documents in the Epstein files allegedly showed his shared trade documents with convicted sex offender. He's a real. That offender, the word had three Fs in it.

So he's a fucking nut. King Charles III expressed his deepest concern at the arrest while vowing his full and wholehearted support for investigators. Let me stay clearly. Now, this is him talking about his brother. The law must take its course, the king said, with heir to the throne, Prince William and wife and Kate Middleton saying that they supported, you know, that statement, the law enforcement.

The royal family was not told. in advance that Andrew would be arrested, as reported by BBC News. Andrew's arrest also comes after a slew of UK police forces said they were investigating evidence within the trove of Department of Justice release files, meaning the ones our government are releasing right now. Now, with this picture here, he said she passed out

some kid at a birthday party, mouth the mouth. Hey, buddy. A total of 87 flight. linked to Epstein arrived at, oh my God, or departed from the UK airport from the early 90s to 2018, which is, that's a lot of years. It's almost 30 years.

Andrew was initially investigated over long. All you'd have to do is look at the flight log like they did in a few good men. And he's on almost every flight. Sorry. Andrew was initially investigated over long-running claims by Epstein's victim, Virginia, Jeffrey, this poor thig woman girl,

back then, who has since killed herself, that she was made to have, or did she kill herself? Now that you think about, right? Because who knows? Most people always point, when somebody dies, and there's a cloud around suspicion, choosy Hillary. Anyways, she said she was forced to have sex with him three times,

started when she was 17 on orders from Epstein, and the goddamn Madam Jocelyn. Maxwell since when do you take orders from her? That boy is a P-I-G-Pig. Andrew was never charged and has vehemently denied any wrongdoing. However, he paid millions of pounds to Jeffrey in a civil settlement while continuing to deny Ron doing. He also lost his royal duties and titles over the scandal of his close friendship with Epstein and Maxwell.

Jeffrey died by suicide last year, and again, I really wonder. But her siblings and their spouses celebrated news of Andrew's arrest. It's one thing just to be a normal, but you're a fucking royal. Luckily, the queen's dead, right? She would have had a fucking hissy fit. She said, my son's a creep. Anyways, that's going to go on and on and on and on. There's going to be more names.

And anyways, whatever happened now, the Clinton's had to. testify, right? Remember, last week or whatever? That sort of just disappeared. Isn't that funny? Huh? Oh my God. Like it always does. Hopefully you'll come back and somebody will talk about it other than me. Let's move on

to even more fucked up family than the goddamn royals. Here's our royal family. Headline, one fucked up family. The troubled racist son of trans-Nazi loving Rhode Island killer, Robert Dorgan, and I'm sure the left's going, I told you he was a

white winger, let me tell you something. People in both parties have problems with certain races. It was jailed last year for setting a series of fires, literally fires. This is the son of the killer at predominantly black churches. Kevin Colantonio, one of six children, Dorgan had with three different women. Let me ask you women something, proving that Robert Dorgan was never like a good-looking guy or a rich guy, and they always said he was different. You know, little subtle things,

like wearing pumps and a miniskirt to work at the machine shop. How did he fuck three different, have kids by three different women? One of six children, Doggett had with three different women, is serving nearly seven-year sentence, the kid is, in a Texas federal prison for using gasoline and a lighter to spark five fires outside Shiloh Gospel Temple Ministries in North Prague.

in February of 2024. What a family. Holy moly. The church, which the deranged arsonist labeled as a place of worship for atheist god-markers, which makes no sense, I don't think. Is that a black church?

They're talking about? Well, since one a black's known as atheist god-marker. I don't know. And a text to his family after the blaze serves as mostly a black congregation of 100 people and was empty when the flames erupted. He's not even good at being bad. White power, one, two, three, four.

Then the singer goes, cut, it's empty. Let's go play at another play. Police also discovered disturbing notebooks in the 37-year-old's home filled with racist rhetoric, including an entry that read, gun everyone down that isn't white. if one is white, spread the gospel.

Always give our bloodline a chance. Yeah, that's what you want to do. Give the dog and bloodline a chance. You're a warming me cut sucker, you know that? Here is Diane working on her fucking traps. And I said to Dallas before. See? And again, the left, we can blame you for all this.

I don't give a shit how racist he was. You're the ones who said he can work out at the gym. he can go to a girl's lot, leave him alone. He's just living his best lives. See that? Right up here, motherfuckers. But am I right? Was it the right saying, no, he's fine, leave him alone?

Oh, was it the right saying he's fucking crazy? They're crazy. They want to be called they. Oh, I'm nervous. I have that same top at home. It looks like Sammy Hagar at Gold's Gym. Oh, my God. that's so accurate. You have no idea. He was sentenced in June to 78 months. I did the math

44 years. No, it's 12 and a, it's six and a half years. Behind bars at the federal medical center in Fort Worth. How did it end up in Fort Worth? The church wasn't it? Was the church in Texas? I don't know. Locals close to the family told the outlet that Dorgan, the shooter, influenced Colantonio's twisted obsession with race. Is that a stepson? I can't. Who cares? They're all fucking evil.

Yeah, probably steps. Whatever he learned from dad. Are you old enough to remember the commercial of Dallas? It might not be. Because it was the 80s. But it ran for a while. There's a kid in his bedroom.

And the father comes in. He's got like a joint in his hand. He goes, who taught you to do this? He goes, I've learned it from you. I right. Of course, on stage, I said, my dad caught me. whacking off and he said, who try? Oh, what a genius.

Cocaine. Let's move on to my boy, Snoop. I've always had mixed feelings for. Hated him like most hip-a... Look, he grew up kind of a gangbanger in fucking South Central or Compton, wherever the fuck. Anyways, which is not entirely

his fault. But as people get older, they do... Like Mike Tyson, I can't get mad at him for knocking an old lady's teeth down her throat. I have to bring it. walking her groceries home. Because his mother was a hooker. His dad wasn't around. So, and they reached this,

you know, Tyson reaches, becomes the greatest at what he does without like dad's encouragement. And same with fucking Snoop. I'm just guessing broken family. Because a lot of these fucking hip-hop is a fake. They're actually from nicest suburbs in where we grew up in some.

But Snoop, you know, and you remember when Trump first got like, Snoop did that video? we were pretending to shoot Trump in the pocket head and shit. But since then, like I said, in the opening, he actually performed in Trumps and on. Because he fucking, and you know, everybody else, like Obama on gay marriage,

oh, I evolved on it. Well, maybe Snoop did too. Because he is one, first of all, you only get so far, I said, with talent. Then you have to be in the studio writing. And even when I hated hip-hop, the only hip-hop I liked was his shit because he actually has this melodic voice.

he's got this smooth voice and he's a fucking character as far as anyways you guys don't want to hear 82 year old white guy talking about hip hop but anyways like every other black guy

his credit card was fucking denied at a store that's the end of that story take it easy see you Monday Snoop went into some you know

some trattaria they call it in Italy and his credit card turned out to be a dog no pun intended there he is Snoop Dogg's credit card was declined during dinner at a restaurant in Italy

so he repaid the owners this is why you're going to like them with five free tickets to the much anticipated yes, 2026, thank you for putting that in the article. I thought it was the Munich Olympics he gave him to Texas, went to Olympic snowboarding finals and let me tell you something

I don't know who's more impressive the snowboarders or the guys don't flip on the snowboarders to me I watched an hour that shit last night. I don't care if it's men or women. I have never seen anything like it. A sport evolved like that.

They're doing shit in the air. They're up in the air for a goddamn... It feels like fucking minute. And every, almost every one of them. I've been watching for over a week now. I saw one guy's ass touched the snow. You know, that was like the worst landing.

These guys, these men and women, guys and girls, this is the... a moment. They've been building to the moment for four or five years and they fucking come through almost every time. To me,

it's more than, you know, that's a fucking athlete rising to the occasion. It's a mess. Sure, some of them. And the ones that don't win the goal, they're off by, oh, he, you know, his fucking, they're like real picky. Oh, he like, instead of grabbing your fucking board whether you're on the air, he'd let go

too early. Oh, Jesus. Same with figures. skating. I don't know why the girls have to wear panties. Listen. What? Anyways, he gave them five tickets. Free tickets to that snowboarding finals.

It's that pipe thing, I think. That's so awesome. Grazie, Snoop, which is hilarious. You don't hear that often. I'll tell you, black guy that did speak Italian fluently. Kobe Bryant. Rest is L.A. Lake of Soul. Yeah, he, because he

grew up in Italy. Yeah? Fucking, I don't like that. A black dude can speak Italy. Italian, I can speak Italy. I can't even speak English. I'm going to shut my hole. Grazie, Snoop.

Sophia Valmadre, daughter of the restaurant's owner said in a video on X. The 54-year-old hip-hop legend who's in Milan Cortina working as, boy, let me tell you something. They should hold the Winter Olympics in Milan every year. Milan Cortain. It is just. I haven't seen a stray dog or a homeless person or a pizza crust on the street fucking gorgeous over there.

They did such a beautiful job. I'm not saying that because I'm a half of grease ball. 54 old hip-hop legend, blah, blah. He's, of course, NBC, his... Leave it to NBC going, look, and I'm not kidding when I say this. They go, I'm telling you, they go, there's not enough black in this Olympic.

They got Mike Torrico doing the... He's the main broadcaster. But I'm telling you, can we get Snoop? And who doesn't like Snow? A lot of people, you know, he's fucking, even guy like me likes him. So what's that mean, Nick? Well, you know, you know how I feel about the rest of them.

What do you mean the rest of him? The rest of the hip-up artists, you know, Eminem, the white ones. I don't like them. What a fucking lie. Anyways, so he went to that restaurant and like a true brother, he doesn't order the fucking, he doesn't order the Linguine with clams or the Calamati.

He goes for the cheeseburger. Chicken wings. He could have ordered this at fucking Arby's. Chicken. Cheeseburger? Chicken wings. Chicken nuggets. All the shit. French fries. All the shit that Ellie's known for.

I love him, though. Anyways, at the gastro pub, it's called Kronox. Where is it, Nick? In the town of a living, G&N, he says like a Y, right? LeVigo. When it came, time to pay, however, his credit card.

It had to be embarrassing, didn't it? He's like, motherfucker. Motherfucker. Cocksucking cracker. All right, I'll have a slice. An embarrassing moment for the world famous gin and juice. Oh, here we go, Dallas, referring to the not the movies, the hit songs. And let me tell you, gin and juice.

I chose this one because the lyrics at the end of this, it's about money at the end. It's one of the most famous lines. This is like a lincoln quote for black people. That was written originally by a Jewish writer, Barry Maniloh. Money on my mind and money. It's a true story. Matter of fact, I think Barry Manilow sued Snow for sampling. Always reminds me of one of my favorite calling Quinn bits.

About the rappers calling each other out in songs. He goes, you never heard Mel. He never heard Sinatra go. This one goes out to that bitch-ass Mel Torme. instead of getting irked, the restaurant owners, because they're Italian and nice of people, told him, non-jewary about it, about paying and to take the food for free. Val-Madre told NBC, L.A. He sent his staff, meaning Snoop, to take the card and pay, but they couldn't pay.

I don't know why it wasn't going, Val-Mardre said. So my mother told him that it was okay to take the food without paying, and Snoop said, I'm going to do that anyways, my wife. That's what we do up in the hood. What a show. After the money mishap, Snoop repaid the family run eatery, known for tourist-friendly late-night pizzas.

Okay, you don't have to give it a plug. We know what they serve. I didn't know they had cheeseburgers, though, nuggets. Imagine the chicken nuggets in Italy? They're probably delicious, right? With far more than the cost of the grub. He sent them five coveted tickets to the men's snowboard half-pipe

final, which is one of the It really is. That's one of the ones I like to be at. This is the half pipe, folks. Are you getting the motion? Not here so much, but here. Anyway, so, yeah, he gave them tickets to that. And then they asked Snoop, and Snoop said, yeah, man, you know,

and then he said this. Hey, where are the white women at? Right, the half pipe. Thanks to you. Snoop Dog, who famously wraps that he laid back with my mind, all my money and my, I'm doing a southern accent. This is done by fucking the ochrid.

I got my mind on my grits and my grits on my ma'at. I hasn't said when or why his card was declined. The feel good moment blew up on online early this week with fans loving that, even the nothing but a G-fang. That was my wedding song. Nobody liked it. Rapper has to deal

with annoying financial transactions. Well, yeah. Can I many credit cards you must have? My late great buddy, Zook, I told you his trick with Tretica. He, anytime he got, you know, the, remember they would always hit you up or sign, you know, you can sign up for this credit card, blah, blah. They would send you online. Every five minutes you get a thing saying sign up for this free. Zuck took them all, signed up for all of them.

And I go, why would you do that? He goes, in case I get, case I get diagnosed with the terminal disease, I'm going to spend it. How Jewish? What? Oh, Hillary, stop, you fat, fuck. Anyways, let's move on to you sunk my battleship. Oh, I got a video of what? I got more.

Oh, there are you? Sorry, it's my favorite. This is like a year ago, right? Look at Snoop here. People are busting his chops about performing at Donald Trump's inauguration. And he answers it. And what's hilarious is I think at this point he said he had quit weed. What am I supposed to believe this is a fucking cigarette?

But he, I call him the black. Fonzie. Guy's so cool. Listen to what he tells of people busting his balls online. Yeah. Get your life right. Stop worrying about mine.

I'm cool. I'm together. Still a black man. Still a hundred percent black. Meanwhile, he's got fucking opera music on. And they're like, you ain't 100% black. I heard some Boccelli.

How about him? Get your life right. Get your mind up. He blow smoke into the fucking. Oh, the guy's too cool for school, yo. All right, let's get on to you sunk my battleship. And there's a reference that you people in your late 80s get. It was a great game.

Even people after him younger than he played it. Remember? It looks like a laptop computer and you... G7. You'd have to put the peg in. Sometimes it would hit your boat. I used to end up losing and thrown it at my brother's head. Anyways, the U.S. military conducted airstrikes on three vessels.

and when they conduct their strikes, they don't miss very often. Allegedly operated by designated terrorist organizations. Can we drop the alleged when they have 10 outboard motors on the back of the boat? We're pretty sure they're not lobstermen. U.S. Southern Command announced this on Tuesday. U.S. Southern Command, Southcom, said 11.

Say, it's a big-ass boat. Excuse me. 11 male Naco terrorists were killed Air Strikes on Monday Self-comp posted a video To X of the strikes Which it said occurred

In the Eastern Pacific Caribbean Let's go to the videotape Hey, pass the Bick lighter Bill Bill, you mean one Oh Because you know, light travels faster than sound That's why that was a

Or either that or this is a Godzilla movie Let's take another. I don't believe. Let's see another one. All you heard was, ay, caramba. And what's in an unusual thing out of those 11 people,

10 of them only had the wind knocked on them. That's fucking odd, is it not? Are they not learning? Are they not? They don't believe we're not? I'm wondering if the cartels are sending like guys that they think might be snitches and shit. You know?

Thinking like a real grease ball. There's the girl. that gave me my first blow job in high school. Still got the scars. Dick looks like shredded wheat. Let's move on. The coffee's on me. I read about three paragraphs

of the story and I go, I wonder what color the person is that did this. Boy, I was dumbfounded. I went with Latter-day Saints Mormon. On the morning of November 4th at the McDonald's at 3,700 Dixie Highway. in Buena Vista. That's Florida.

Dixie Highway. Well, it goes, I know it goes along. Plano Vista, yeah. Township. This lady named Brown, it's a color, too, but that's not. Brown wanted a refund for two sandwiches after placing an online order.

Who said that? Well, Buena Vista Township, police detective, Russ, passing. He gets all the difficult cases. The McDonald's manager gave Brown a coffee and tried to de-escalate the situation, which black people don't understand what that is. Not all of them, just 97%. While Brown claimed she had been there for more than an hour, the interaction reached an impasse, and the manager told Brown to have a great day, which,

you know, you do that to a person. As she turned and walked away from the counter, here's the video, of the woman suspect Kashara Got the word cash in it It's pretty clever They call her money TB Cashera T. Brown Displaying the great

impulse control that so many American black people are known for Hey who wrote this? That's horrible Let's take a look at the videotape You can probably and apologize to somebody over an hour

That's what you do Yeah, with any point of it. It's not bad enough. She threw hot coffee on her. Then she goes, catch that hot ass coffee. Oh, I'm black y'all, and I'm blacker than black and I'm black and I'm black y'all. You fat, nasty black bitch. Whose hair is that?

Dan Rathers. That's right. Judge Fickner sounds like a last Monday referred Brown to the probation department for an interview. Just the probation department? I got to believe I'm white and I throw coffee at a black employee. I'm doing a year in prison for assault. You can throw gum at somebody and get charged with assault, but not here.

A hate crime, which it never is. I can see why she lost her shit because the girl was really rude to her. What the fuck? Referred Brown to the probation department for an interview of the outlets, which will help the judge fashion. an appropriate sentence. And you know what the sentence was? No more grits for a week.

The judge warned Brown not to skip the interview as it will not be rescheduled. I'm sure she took that to heart. You fed me. Enough for that. We already said that. Every woman has looked at a man while he's sleeping and thought

I should knock the shit out of this motherfucker right now. You know who's as funny as old black women like that? old southern white women. They say motherfucker like I do. It is so fun. You know what we have to put in? Because I can watch it for the next 40 friggin years.

There's two things on the internet. Well, there's about five that make me cry laughing. One of them is that old lady at the register with her son and she sees her own face on the pictures. What the fuck? You know that one? That one, that meme. Look that one up.

You want to laugh to your shit? It's old, but it's still. Motherfucker. She's got that accent. And the other one I stumbled over last night, which is, should be Mike O'Don is number one. It's a talent show over in, I don't know, Amsterdam, somewhere in Europe where they're all,

maybe the UK with her all PC. It's a trans deaf, trans deaf woman singing, what's her name? The fucking Brodus sang the fucking, you know, Titanic song. Selene Dion, I think. I think. Or a Whitney, I don't know. But, no, I don't know.

It might be, I'm saying, I might have the wrong. But she's deaf and she's trans. So it's a guy dressed up like a woman going, I'm not kidding you. Why didn't I just send it to you? We don't have the ability to pull it up. right now, right? Can you do that or no? You want to fucking laugh your balls off?

I know you guys have seen it, but to me, it sums up the left and how far we've taken this shit. And even the judges are trying, that the audience is a live audience and they're laughing at her. And it's supposed to be sad.

You look for that, I'll move on. If you find it good and if you're not, no biggie. Let's move on to Oakland. It's still asshole of the United States. And I apologize to the people in Oakland, you have the best weather in the country. That in San Francisco, no doubt about it. But it's been a crime-ridden shithole since I was a kid and before that and still is getting worse. Oakland Mayor Barbara Lee's car was stolen.

Here's Barbara Lee. After a brazen thief broke into her city hall office to abscond with the city-owned black SUV. I guess that's where the keys were. I'll repeat that. She's the mayor and her SUV was stolen out of City Hall. Can you explain that to me, folks?

Can anybody explain that to me? You go fuck yourself, convict. Ooh. What's that? I know. Least car was covered nearby in Villajo California after the shameless car band that reportedly stole the mayor's keys

from her office two days ago. It wasn't even an inside job. You leave the door open. The door to her office is found Tampa Wood. The vehicle was recovered. Within hours, Oakland, police department is following up on potential leads. So far, they have sketches of 11 black guys with hoodies. The police believe they know who the culprit is, and there is a warrant for their arrest.

Lee, a longtime East Bay Congresswoman, narrowly won the Oakland mayor's race in 2024. Can you imagine one? be the mayor of that. It's been like this forever. And this solution, let's get an old black woman for mayor. That'll change things. You'd think even if they hated white people out there, they'd go, you know, white people.

Let's get the most racist white guy we can find to be mayor. Because, you know, we hate the black crime too as much as he does. Inherited a city plagued by burglaries, car thefts, and other property. Yeah, no shit. Oakland has one of the highest rates of auto thefts in the country with 9,914 car theft in 2024 alone. Is it because we're black? Yes.

You think white people are stealing cars in Oakland? Okay, maybe one or two. I don't know. Its overall crime rate was four times the national average in 2024 and a severe Oakland police staffing shortage because that's the left. Let's defund the cops. You see what Mondani's doing in New York? Oh, my fucking God.

First of all, he kicked out a bunch of businesses that are Jewish. Secondly, he's cutting 5,000 cops. What's that leave? Two Eagle Scouts and a Girl Scouts?

What the fuck? This is, this is, I told you guys, get your popcorn. It's going to be insane. There's the one picture of Oakland that makes it look good. They took it from the moon. With the department running about 280 offices short. Can you fucking imagine?

The city has made headlines of violent crimes like the murder of beloved Lainley college football coach, John Beam. I knew his brother Jim very well. Good night, everybody. And good luck. Is that him? Got killed? Yeah.

He looks like an Italian fellow. In October, more than a thousand historic artifacts, including Native American jewelry and relics, were stolen from the Oakland Museum of California's storage facility. Can you fucking imagine? Who wants a goddamn necklace made of jade? In December, the Oakland City Council voted in for a contract with flock safety, whatever that is. What is it? To maintain safety cameras after a highly contentious.

public debate. Representative for Lee's office wouldn't, uh, didn't respond to the request because they're all in ICU. Good night, everyone, and good luck. Finally tonight and finally for the week, midnight munchies. I, uh, I forgot that, not forgot, I ran out of my gin and juice that I shoot into me. And I can feel it. I've been eating like an animal. Maybe it's my imagination. I couldn't stop eating last night. Un-fucking-beliable.

You know what's funny? You're supposed to eat. It's so funny. You're supposed to have like 11 servings of vegetables. What am I? A fucking silverback living in the... Abstaining from food three hours before bedtime can benefit heart health. Oh, shut up.

You guys don't know. You understand? We stop listening about 10 years ago. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I can't sleep if I'm hungry, by the way. And neither can the little kids. that live in poverty countries. They're up all night sitting there chasing flies.

You understand? I can't. If I'm a little hungry, I can't fucking sleep. What was I eating last night? Oh, I just had a block of Havardi cheese on my chest and a box of triscuits. I'll probably shit what? Lake June.

Anyways, this study comes out of Northwest University, so it must be true. Extending an overnight fast for two hours, dimming the lights and not eating for three hours before sleep, were shown to improve cardiovascular and metabolic health. I kind of believe it. I've never had pains like this before. That's me right there.

Oh, this is the worst one I ever had, son. Oh, it's the worst one. This is a big one. I'm dying. You know, I'll join you. The results were observed among middle-aged and older adults who are at a higher risk for cardio, metabolic, a disease. That would be me.

You know, I've been, and I said this before on the show, I've been doing that interstitial fasting without even knowing I was doing it. Years ago I started not eating all day and then eating like around 5 or 6 o'clock. I might come home now and whatever. Grab a snack or whatever.

I condition myself. Then they gave it a name. And I'm like, oh. And now I got my fucking fentanyl shot. The nearly eight-week study published in the journal of arterioschlorosis, by the way, that's a Greek god. Sorry on Jeopardy.

and his fucking brother that he killed, remember thrombosis, and vascular biology examined 39 and overweight fat bucks and obese participants between 36 and 75 years old. The intervention group was made up of 80% chicks. I don't know why. The participants completed either an extended overnight fasting intervention, 13 to 16 hours, or a habitual fast of 11 to 13 hours. That's me, I guess.

Both groups dim the lights three hours before bedtime. well that's silly people who finished eating at at least three hours before going to bed saw meaningful improvements compared to participants who continue with their usual eating routines that's what I get the hungry horrors at night those improvements included a 3.5% drop in blood pressure and a 5% drop in heart rate now I take those numbers and for me to quit eating late at night pizza or fried chicken it's got to be more than 3.5 to 5% drop in blood pressure and a 5% drop in heart rate now I take those numbers and for me to quit eating late at night pizza or fried chicken it's got to be more than 3. It has to be, again, 80, 85% as well as more natural drop in both measures during sleep, which is an important sign of cardiovascular. Very hard to whack off with a, you know what, a slice of pizza in your head. The fasting participants' hearts also beat faster during the day when they were active and slowed at night during rest, a pattern that's linked to better heart health. Those who abstain from eating also had better daytime blood sugar control, meaning the pancreas

responded more efficiently and when challenged with glucose suggesting it could release insulin more effectively. I love the word could or it couldn't. So shut the fuck up. I'm sorry I brought this story to you. Good night. And keep blood sugar steadier. And of course

I end it with fuck that. You want to see me at night? This is me at night. Oh my god, that guy's ripped. That's right. I get it really. Yeah. I'm a Puccine. Oh my God.

That guy's ripped. That's it, folks. I love it late at night. Especially when I used to work out. When you work out, your metabolism, you know, if you really work out like you're supposed to, you get the fucking munchies big time. Well, quick.

Yeah. Another update to the earlier story of the fucked up family. Oh, Jesus. Deranged trans. gunman Robert Dorgan, was cousins with his ex-wife, the one he gunned down. Well, you know what? That makes him a less evil. He's killing a cousin.

He's less evil than killing. Are you kidding? Wow. First of all, I can't believe they live in Rhode Island and not fucking, you know, Georgia or Mississippi. Exactly. I didn't say Alabama out of respect for you. That is on, but what an update. Oh, my.

It's more coming. They'll find out he's the one who's got Ms. Guthrie in the basement. Wow. That's it, folks. This isn't a joke. That's a joke. That's a boy. At a bit, I drink when he used to drink after the game.

Did you hear that? And they had her singing in a con. And it wasn't a joke. And the audience, like I said, was cracking up right in front of her. People online are going, you're all going to hell. Going to hell if you're not laughing, you're going to hell. My favorite clip. Good for him slash her.

And they play the whole song. And every couple of sections, just goes, ha-woo. Like a dog being tasered. It's a beautiful thing. All right, kids. Cameo.com. If you want me to make a personal video, send it to one of your friends, buddies. Go to cameo.com and click on the button.

And that's it. You guys thank it. I'll say it. You're very welcome. I hope you have a great weekend. And we'll see you back here on Monday. Take care, kids. Hi.

Good night, everybody.