The Nick DiPaolo Show - Island of Intolerance | Nick Di Paolo Show #1274

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Libs true racist colors show. Mayor Adams unsure what real crisis is. Woke Bill on the woke. Sex toy crash. Female cop gets civilian assist. McDonalds ax-man in NYC.

Folks, make sure to join me on Patreon to get extra story and extra story, not extra stories, extra story each day. It's called the Nick DiPaolo Show Encore. Today I'll be talking about tits, trannies, and teachers. Actually, it's one teacher, a tranny, and she's got, I can't even believe this is happening. It's coming out of Canada. Anyways, you'll also get access to all the past shows, including the encore shows, discounts on merchandise, and more. Visit patreon.com slash the Nick DiPaolo Show to sign up today. guitar solo Here's Nick! Hawaii, great to be with you on a Monday. I don't know who I'm doing when I do that.

Ed, how are you? Good weekend? I can smell the olives on you. Great to be with you. Great show tonight. We got Bob Barker, maybe the most successful, successful guy doing nothing and getting paid trillions. He's still alive.

He's still alive. And we got, no, this is supposed to be in the 70s, dummy. Of course he's still alive. Even then, shocking that he was still alive. And a great impressionist, a black fella, George Kirby. Very talented. I saw him on the Merv Griffinshaw, so I said I'll steal him. Nobody likes Merv.

And we have a woman from Billings, Montana. She's 94 years old. She lives with over 300 cats. Doris Stanton will be with us. Anyways, what is going on in the world, kids? How was your weekend? Pretty good? Pretty good? Great weekend. I had a great, I just got a lot done. I actually cut the lawn. That'sitting you. After being up in Westchester and two and a half hours on a sit-down mower, now it's 20 minutes with an electric mower. It's so light, I'm like tipping it over. That was a big deal for me.

Went for, worked out twice. College football, tremendous. I'm sorry. It's my favorite time of the year. I'm as useless as... But I did, I got shit done. I can't even remember. If this fucking bathroom isn't done by the end of this week,

I'm going to start shitting in the kitchen and kicking it into the dining room. Start throwing it like a monkey at the zoo. Jesus Christ. I love my wife to death, and she handled it all, so I can't really complain,. Jesus Christ. I love my wife to death and she handled it all so I can't really complain but Jesus Christ. Don't ever use like friends that are good. This guy can do anything, you know, but you gotta use, gotta work on their schedule. I've been rinsing my balls in the kitchen sink for a year and a half now.

That would explain the saltiness of our last dish. There you go. I noticed Gianna made a funny look on her face, which, anyways. I don't know. Let's get on with it. Boy, I got a lot to talk about. Martha's Vineyard, this is the perfect story. This, this exposed them for who they really are like

nothing else can. Ron DeSantis just on this move and Abbott. You're going to give Abbott credit, but DeSantis did an even better one by sending him to Martha's Vineyard. I don't know if you guys, some of you have probably been there. I mean, it really is a rich enclave. I've done comedy there like six, seven times, taking the ferry over. And, oh my God, we hit them where they breathe. Fucking Larry David lives there. Spike Lee. Fucking Carly Simon.

Meg Ryan. James Taylor. David Letterman. I'm sure Oprah has a shack there too. Anyways, headline, white liberal races show true colors. Anyways, headline, white liberal races show true colors. I guess we got just like a quick video of, no text on this one?

Oh, here we go. I'm sorry. Let's, so they, so he sent 50 of them up to Martha's Vineyard. They called in the National Guard. The welcoming, the people who scream at the top of their lungs how racist Texas is for not welcoming these people. And you people on the left, you're just horrible people. Not just as far as politicians. You're selfish. You're racist.

You're every fucking thing you accuse everybody else of being. Sanctimonious assholes intolerant they were there for not even 24 hours they called in the national trump didn't even do that when the fucking cities were burning down unfreaking believable uh we got a quick clip i couldn't i was so disgusted i didn't want to show the clip i don't even know what it is. Oh, they're leaving. Yeah, look at that. Un-fucking-real. Unreal.

One of them said, listen, I'm not shitting you. They enriched our lives. They you. They enriched our lives. They did. They enriched your lives? And you kicked them out. The excuse was we have nowhere to put them. Folks, this is a fucking vacation destination with hundreds of hotels.

And it's the end of the season for tourists. There's no better place in the country right now. I mean, you don't think twice about throwing him at the Marriott in New York City. You people, I love it. I don't want to hear another word. I don't want to hear you fucks calling anybody racist on the other side. You're fucking evil. That goes for you, Larry David fucking Letterman. All of yous.

Hypocrites. James Taylor. You're full of shit. In the Taylor, you're full of shit. In the media, you're worse than them because you're going along with it. Three buslers rolled up to St. Andrew's Episcopal Church in Edgartown to take the mostly Venezuelan migrants on the first leg of their journey from the elite island of multimillion-dollar mansions, including a seven-bedroom home owned by Barack Obama and his defensive end wife. They sent him to a joint base on Cape Cod,

the migrants on the mainland. Get him out of here! Baker and DeSantis are both Republicans. I gave Gutfeld the best line for this tonight. God damn it, I can't use it. Both Republicans, but the Florida governor this week, they call Charlie Baker a Republican, by the way. That's only in Boston.

That's like they call Bloomberg a Republican in New York. Anyways, Florida governor this week sent two plane loads of migrants to Mothavini to show solidarity with Texas Governor Greg Abbott's longer running campaign to bus migrants to Washington D.C., New York City and Chicago in a bid to pressure Democrats into tightening

border policies and they don't want to, when it hits home they don't want to hear this at the beach I think she was yelling They have they don't want to hear this at the beach I think she was yelling shark get out of the water Abbott and DeSantis Say by the way Martha's venue. It's wider than a fucking Lawrence Welk show

Osmond family rerun look at this is they shot a lot of Jaws that's what this looks like when Quint in the meeting right they want to get rid of the shark how do we get rid of these immigrants I'll do it for you oh my god write it down

I that's gonna be one of my bits I've been looking for a reason to do Quint to my act oh fuck look I'm so excited I put write it

I wrote write it down. Write it down. Hold on. What did I mean? What did I mean? Town meeting. Quint. I'll turn this into gold, folks.

Trust me. Town meeting. Quint. Immigrants. Abbott and DeSantis say they're shipping migrants north to help educate others. Oh, I love it. About the strain experienced by border states. Abbot DeSantis said they're shipping migrants north to help educate others, oh, I love it, about the strain experienced by border states, states like Massachusetts, where I hail from,

beautiful state, and I love my people, but politics, New York and California, they said better facilitate the care of these individuals who they have invited into our country by incentivizing illegal immigration through their designations as sanctuary states. What happened? In support for the Biden administration's open border policies, Fenske said, a spokesman, I fucking love it. Twitter users, not a right-wing bastion, by the way, slammed NBC News on Friday for deleting a tweet about the illegal immigrant relocation from Florida to Martha's Vineyard, which compared the migrants to trash. Okay. deleted tweet. Corresponding NBC News story quoted Max LaFeld, founder of Casa Venezuela Dallas Foundation, a charity group dedicated to helping refugees who describe the relocation as he said, taking out the trash. This is a quote. It's like me taking my trash out and just driving out to different areas where I live and just throwing my trash

there," Liefeld told the outlet. You bleed this piece of garbage? You fucking hypocrite. I'm getting, I'm seeing. However, the outlet apparently realized that referring to migrants as trash, and again, nobody on the right side of it done that, was not a good look, at least for its Twitter account. NBC News deleted the tweet shortly after posting it on Friday.

The news story, however, featuring the quoting in its second paragraph is still up on the website. So they deleted it from their, they took it down, the tweet, but it's still on their website, on an NBC website, okay? You know what that means? They can't admit.

You know how they are, right? They're kind of going, and I mean, they can't do a blanket apology because then they'd be wrong. Ugh. Prove that you wealthy college boys don't have the education enough to

admit when you're wrong. Perfect. I mean, wealthy college boys, Martha's Vineyard, they shot, by the way, Jaws there, folks. Anyhow, I'm a genius. Let's move on. This is a related story. That's why it's next. Crisis my ass mayor

here's dummy mayor adams talking about the immigrants being shipped to his ship all uh... of the city all right hard-line sky is hard i mean he's on a guy's almost a letter uh... i don't know how he's fucking smart enough to be a cop, to be honest with you. This is what they want, though.

Excuse me. He said, and I quote, we received a minimum of six buses early this morning. Over 11,000 individual asylum seekers in six buses. That's a lot of people in six buses. That's 2,000 a pop. That's par for the course, though, isn't it? Yeah. That is true.

Yeah, I mean, you can... 19 Venezuelans in a fucking Volkswagen Passat, the old joke. It's Mexicans, but whatever. I like to blend them in. The liberals go crazy. Over 11,000 individuals, asylum seekers, and migrants have come to the city already.

He was talking about total. It is time for us to coordinate this humanitarian crisis that our country is facing. Do they know how stupid they sound? This has been going on since Biden got in office. And now it's a crisis because it's touching their lives. It's time. Where the fuck have you been? You're a sanctuary city. You should have been prepared more than anybody. You didn't hear El Paso saying we're a sanctuary city or these places in California. You fucking guys are all talk, no walk. Boy, did this guy disappoint me. I thought he was going to be a real law and order. What do I care?

I'm out of that shithole. I don't give a shit if his sister gets stabbed in the ass on the way to the market. Yeah, CBS. Let's listen to this genius who had to drop out of DeVry. Go ahead. We should be clear that this is, as a state of the humanitarian crisis. Look at Jake Tapper. That's his permanent face. That's not it, but go ahead, put it back. He looks like he's going to cry all the time. It is in all hands on deck moment where we're all supposed to come together in coordination during the crisis is something that we must do together. And that's the federal government that is also the governor of the state of Texas, as well as the governor of the state of Florida. I can't take it. I can't.

It's on scope. Just killing time with politically correct. It's on scope. Look at Jake Tapper. Looks constantly constipated. A chronic dump. But Mayor Adams is just, we have to work with the federal government.

No, you don't. Do what Giuliani did. Make a difference on your own. Don't wait for the federal government like your people do. What do you mean by that, Nick? You know, people on welfare. White people too.

In blacks and Hispanics and Polish. You know, just I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings out there. Ay, ay, ay, ay. They're just filling air with dog shit. It pours out of their mouths. God bless Abbott and DeSantis. That's all I got to say. We got them saying more shit? Whoop, a second a second video all right let's listen to dink weed

i think it's the message for the entire country uh these are two uh governors who are hiding up of some of the actions that they've done around gun control which is really a proliferation proliferating our country uh with guns is what they did with the women's right to choose. You see, this is their way of covering up what many people have been really concerned about, the erosions. Look at Tapper's face. What is his fucking problem? I mean, you agree with this jerk off. Why are you going to cry? Oh, you realize how stupid you are and how stupid he is. That's what that face says to me. I can't believe this guy is one of my team.

He's saying the Republicans are doing this as a distraction from the abortion ruling gun right. Do you believe how these fuckers are? They can't just come out and go. David Patterson, the blind former mayor of New York, who SNL used to make fun of, he's the only one on the left that came out and said, this is a great move by DeSantis.

Yeah, it's political. And he goes, it's a great move. You just have to be honest. I mean, we are in trouble, though. I mean, this is who? He's a mayor of the biggest city in the country. He couldn't run a fucking bodega. Hey, Nick, stop.

I can't help it. I can't help it. He's so stupid. Oh, he really is. So stupid. So stupid. He added, they think the politics of treating people in an inhumane manner to cover up, I believe, what they've done around

human rights, the erosion of the last few years, is what they believe is the best way to handle it. I just disagree. I wonder who gave them that talking point. That'd have come straight, because they're all saying it now. That's why. And they have the balls to say what DeSantis and Abbott are doing is inhumane. Oh, I forgot the best thing. What's Governor Newsom of California? He wants to charge DeSantis and Abbott with kidnapping, literally with kidnapping. As Biden flies people in in the middle of the night for the last year, that's trafficking.

You could try. Do you believe, do they have any fucking moral compass? What would you charge the president with? He's flying people in illegally, dropping them off in the middle of the country. Talk about inhumane. How many people have drowned? I said it last week on the 700th.

Is that what I said? In the last couple of years, 700 trying to get over the river. Inhumane? You fucking people have no idea how to run the name. Hey, folks, this show is entirely supported by you listeners and a couple of smoking hot Puerto Rican girls that Dallas met at the Hot Wings.

In Martha's Vineyard. He flew them back in. He says he's putting him up. Thank you to those who joined on Patreon in the past week and those who made contributions. Please continue to do so. I'll promise I'll keep working to spread honest and direct comedy

and commentary through the show, unlike the leftist fuckstains. Cocaine. You guys can contribute if you want to do that at nicktip.com. I'll read your name on the show.

Thank you so much. Let's move on. Howie. Woke Bill on the woke. Billy Marr, as you know, folks, is making a tremendous transformation.

Let me say something about Bill Marr. Yes, he's a pompous, arrogant, liberal, blah, blah, blah, blah. All right? And you want to punch him in the face.

I know. I always wanted to like him because he represented his side well, even though everything came out of his mouth was left-wing horseshit. But I'm just saying, he's got good writers, whatever the fuck. He'd bring on a couple of jerk-off, wishy-washy Republican senators or congressmen that he could push around, wishy-washy Republican senators or congressmen that he could push around, you know, all that shit. But he's come around. I think he watches Gutfeld. I'm not shitting you. I think he watches Gutfeld and goes, what's this fellow Jew doing? Um, what? You can't say that. I just did. Sue me. So as you know, he's been sort of waking up. That's how far left the left is gone. Now, this monologue is about seven minutes long.

And it was so funny because for the first time, he's actually touching on the truth and what hypocrites they are. My only problem, as usual, with Bill Maher is he helped create this lunacy we're living in. He helped create this divide by shitting on Republicans and calling us racist and Nazi for 20-something years on his show. So he acts like he had nothing to do with it. He talks like, he'll be like Hitler, you know? Finally going, yeah, capitalism is good. Doesn't even bring up the fucking decimation.

So let's listen to some of this. I don't know how much. I wanted, wanted it seven minutes but God it was it's really well written because it sounds like it's coming out of my mouth let's listen to this fella

you smoke cocksucker well he is fuck you we're going to listen to him anyways go ahead and finally new rule you can get creative with a novel

a TV show or or a movie, but history books, that's not supposed to be fan fiction. How we teach our kids history has become a big controversy these days, with liberals accusing conservatives of wanting to whitewash the past, and sometimes that's true. Sometimes they do. But plenty of liberals also want to abuse history to control the present. And last month, a scholar named James Sweet caught hell for calling them out for doing just that. He criticized a phenomenon known as presentism, which means judging everyone in the past by the standards of the present. It's the belief that people who lived 100 or 500 or 1,000 years ago really should have known better. Which is so stupid. It's like getting mad at yourself for not knowing what

you know now when you were 10. Stupid me, spending all that time raising sea monkeys and playing with slot cards and jerking off to a playboy in the barn. Who doesn't have moments from your past that make you cringe? Who hasn't said, I can't believe I said that. I can't believe I wore that. I can't believe I thought that. I can't believe I did that. You ate dirt. You wanted to be a Ghostbuster you shoplifted gum you tried to be a white breakdancer you wanted a man you hear what gets the biggest laughs though? You know what I mean?

That's his audience. They're garbage. And they're laughing like at the wrong course. Anything safe like that. But we get his point. Go ahead. Harry Scott Baio. Look at those jeans.

I read A Anne Rand. I smoked. I was into numerology. Yes, because we hadn't then grown into the persons we would become. And humanity writ large is just the collective version of that. Did Columbus commit atrocities? Of course. But people back then were generally atrocious he's a devil to everybody who could afford one had a slave including people of color whoa the way people talk about slavery

these days you quiet was a uniquely American thing that we invented in 1619 but slavery throughout history has been the rule not the exception the Sumerians the Egyptians the Greeks Romans the Arabs British the early Americans all the way up through R Kelly That's a great joke. The Holy Bible is practically an owner's manual for slaveholders. The word slave comes from Slav, because so many Slavic people were enslaved,

and they're as white as the Hallmark Channel. Who do you think gathered the slaves from the interior of Africa to sell to slave traders? Africans, who also kept their own slaves. We're a species prone to making others of our species our bitch. I've said it before and I'll say it again humans are not good people. And the capacity for cruelty is a human thing not a white thing. That's the truth even though it doesn't jibe with the current narrative. Pause. Yeah that's the truth bill and it has been since the first day you got your show so why are you just coming around now you went to Cornell you're not a dummy you know so you were playing the fucking game right along with the people

you're yelling at now I'm glad you came around better late than ever but good in today's world when truth conflicts with narrative It's the truth that has to apologize Being woke is like a magic moral time machine where you judge everybody against what you imagine you would have done in 1066 And you always win Exactly right Presentism yeah, this professor is right. It's just a way to congratulate yourself about being better than George Washington because

you have a gay friend and he didn't. Based on those shoes, I don't know. But if he was alive today, he would, too. And if you weren't alive, if you were alive then, you wouldn't. Portland Public Schools has a plan now to teach kids that the idea of gender being mainly binary was brought here by white colonizers. The curriculum guide says when the United States was colonized by white settlers, their views around gender were forced upon the people already living here.

Not even Star Trek would try that story. Where they discover a planet and give them separate bathrooms. It's like they finally discovered a unified theory of wokeness, incorporating all their ideas about race, gay, gender, and colonizers, like the New World was a great big diverse dance club and the Pilgrims were the bridge and tunnel crowd who came in and ruined everything. There's a play called I, Joan, currently being presented in London, Great line. There's a play called I, Joan,

currently being presented in London, written by Charlie Josephine, who identifies as non-binary and uses they-them pronouns. And it portrays Joan of Arc as, surprise, non-binary with they-them pronouns. Which, if you think about it, makes even less sense

because Joan, being French, spoke a language where every noun is masculine or feminine Joan says in the play I'm not a girl I don't fit that word as if she's a character on euphoria now it's true Joan of Arc did wear pants, but that's what the soldiers wore when she was soldiering. But in the retelling, Joan would rather die than stop wearing men's clothing. Okay, Joan of Arc wasn't executed by the fashion police.

Her trial went on for over two months. We have the transcript. And not once did she complain about being misgendered. She had bigger fish to fry, like herself. Too soon, it was 1431. All right. It gets even, I mean, it's even more funnier, but I think that's it.

We spent enough. But my point being, it took a long time. And all this shit was true for the last 40 years, Bill. That's all. But I wonder who wrote it. I wonder if he hired a Republican on this day. Steve Bannon probably emailed it to him. Anyhow, I know, and Billy Martin, by the way, the head writer, is from,

he lived in Boston when I was a comedian coming up. He's from Pittsburgh originally. Real lib. Lenny Clark put him in the hospital when he was all coked up. And he didn't like Billy. Billy heckled him from a stage at a place called Playing Against Sims. Lenny put him in the hospital for a fucking,

I don't know, it was a couple of weeks. Don't fuck with Lenny. Nobody's all fucked up. Anyways, all right, Bill, I'm giving you credit there, finally. That was great. And it goes on. Let's move on.

Caution, slippery when wet. What in God's name could that be? Drivers on an Oklahoma's I-40 were treated to quite a surprise on Wednesday as a semi-truck carrying what appeared to be sex toys and lube overturned on the highway. Come on, God damn it. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Let's go. Quiet, suck on this. highway. Quiet. Suck on this.

A traffic broadcast on CBS Oklahoma City affiliate KWTV captured the incident, which occurred on I-40 near Mustang Road on the western outskirts of Oklahoma City. A semi-truck flipped after colliding with another vehicle, leaving hundreds of boxes of dildos and lubricants scattered across the freeway.

We have video slash audio of the pilot, the traffic pilot. He makes, like, he's making a sex joke here. I didn't even show the two anchor women. It went right over their heads. But just the first couple lines out of his mouth, he's trying to be funny. And he is funny. And listen. Right, Lacey,

this is a semi that overturned and lost its load here. It also involved this box truck that's a little bit further. Okay, semi. Well, you want to tell me a semi is usually semi-hard. Lost its load in box truck.

The box truck might be stretching, but I thought that was funny. And they had these two women, anchor women, that they cut back to, and they were like, oh, really, Bill? You know, fucking. And they didn't get it. They weren't pretending not to get it. Good for you, fella. Can you imagine seeing that?

I'm surprised I don't see a bunch of fucking housewives out there grabbing those dildos and some fags grabbing the loop. Yeah! That's hot. This happened in the breakdown lane. This is an Uber Eats guy. Thankfully, the accident resulted in no injuries. Several lanes of the highway were closed.

A lot of humming was going on. While authorities worked to clean the mess up. Perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you. It's good to see that sex toys aren't that popular. It was like a zillion of them, you see. Oh, size isn't important. Yeah, that's why I see all those four-inch dildos

in this store. Anyhow, guys, make plans to come see me on the road. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida. Excuse me, the next night, Saturday, November 12th, Snappers OB-GYN Clinic in Fort Myers, Florida. Snappers Comedy Club. Sunday, November 13, Florida. Snapper's Comedy Club.

Sunday, November 13th. Side Splitter's Comedy Club, Tampa. At the Tampa show, I'll be doing a live Q&A after the show with people who have VIP tickets. So grab those before they are gone. You can get tickets

to all these shows at nickdip.com. We go from a spillage on the street to a female cop fail. It's controversial. I don't know you guys if you know any cops.

They're not big fans of having females for partners. No offense ladies but I'm not either. Or female firemen. I'll say it again if I'm on the 10th story of a burning building

and I don't want a girl coming up that looks like Sandy Duncan or Dorothy Hamill trying to save me. I want a fucking big, veiny-nosed, drunk Irish guy who weighs above 260, throws me over his shoulder like I'm his bitch and takes me down. Anyways, and we've seen a few of these. The worst one I covered on this show a couple years ago, you guys, it went viral, everybody see. Black dude gets pulled over with his little daughter, and it's a woman cop, white, and he fucking, he just got out of prison, of course, knocks her out with a fucking right hand and starts pounding her, gets on top of her, and it's pounding. And his little daughter's like, no, daddy. It was fucking horrible.

I just brought that up because this happens more often than people think. Neighbors took swift action when a police officer, and thank God, look, I appreciate them putting their neck on the line and shit, but I'm just saying, you're only as strong, your army's only as strong as your fucking weakest soldier. Neighbors took swift action when a police officer was in desperate need of help on September 10th in Willoughby, Ohio. Officer Stacy Wright, that's two E's, had pulled over a driver for speeding that afternoon.

The suspect stopped, got out of the vehicle without being told to do so. WKYC reported on Wednesday. Wright asked the man to sit on the ground, but he refused to comply. And the situation, ooh, it escalated. Ooh, let's take a look. Easy, it escalated. Let's take a look. Easy, sir. Officer Wright appears to push Kubik against the car, and they begin fighting. Seconds later, a bystander runs over, helping bring Kubik to the ground. Here I come.

Roll over on your stomach. Nick DiPaolo to the rescue. Soon, more people jump in, keeping Kubik down, before another police officer arrives and appears to handcuff him. His behavior was aggressive towards her. He refused several commands and heard all of these are red flags. So we're thankful it ended the way it did because it could have ended worse. Detective Sergeant Michael Seville with the Willoughby Police Department says Officer Wright did a good job in that situation with the help of bystanders.

Of bystanders? Let's not mention the fact that if it was a male cop, it probably would have never happened. I mean, the suspect was an all-white guy that pretty much anybody could have handled. Um... Oh, God, this guy's got asshole written all over him since sixth grade. This guy was voted most likely to fuck his own daughter.

Look at that haircut. He looks like Dick Durbin. Ha ha ha! sixth grade. This guy was voted most likely to fuck his own daughter. Look at that haircut. He looks like Dick Durbin. But I'm saying, you know, that should not be. Aye, aye, aye. And let me say some other people that jumped in,

at least that first guy. You don't know. It is taking a little bit of a risk. In New York, that's why I don't see people jumping in, because I'd say 10 out of 10 homeless people have a knife on them or a fucking hammer, or maybe a hatchet when they go to get a filet of fish. In a social media post, God, my eyes are getting all watery, on Monday, Willoughby Police Department Chief Jim Schultz

thanked the citizens who took action. I am so proud of our community and the tremendous support we receive on a day-to-day basis. Saturday was another awesome example. I greatly appreciate it, he said. He's looking at you, kid. Well, we can't be doing your job for you there. It can be dangerous. But you can't have a...

That's why I see security when you're watching college football. I see women with security vests on. What are you going to do? Stop 35,000 people. Yeah, and 12,000 of fucking frat guys who've been drunk all day. Yeah, started drinking at 7 a.m. They're ready to hit anybody. Anyhow, is this the final story?

Oh, good, because boy, I'm getting a good instinct at the time of this. Here's the headline. He axed her for her number. A man who went on a scary ax-swinging rampage at a Manhattan McDonald's on Friday morning. God, New York, what is going on? Had flipped out after a young woman rejected his advance, a witness said. I did this in high school at my prom.

My date wouldn't fuck me, so I had a tomahawk in the car. I chased around the Motel 6 room. I was just kidding. Who is this nut? Michael Palacios, 31, was arrested after cell phone video showed him grabbing an axe out of his backpack, destroying property. That's what I was just saying.

When you jump in, if this was a cop, you know, destroying property and terrorizing customers inside. If I see a woman or a kid getting beat up, you jump it. If it's a fucking guy or an old person, you help. But anybody else, any male under, I don't know, 50, inside the Delancey Street fast food restaurant

just before 2.30. Let me tell you something. If you go to McDonald's at 2.30 a.m., which is where most of us probably go, I'm saying, but in New York City, you're going to see something, and you should say something. Isn't that faggy? Yes, it is.

But I said it anyways. Let's go to the videotape. He's getting... Watch this. Pause right here. He's trying to take on three young kids and they punch him in the face a couple times you can tell this guy's probably been in jail in and out of jail

these guys punch like girls I mean it's three guys and watch how he doesn't even he doesn't even feel the punches oh this is really interesting you can see Jennifer Aniston in the background there from an old friends video. I don't know what, or is that a cutout? Go ahead.

Get out of the way. Bing, bang, boom. Bing, why you? Bing, bang, boom. Look at, pause. Look at the look on the three kids who were just punching him. This guy sarcastically puts his hand right. You know how scared these kids are right now?

And you know what's good, Dallas? I don't know. I think he's calming himself right here. He's trying to. Yeah, it almost worked. Go ahead. He looked like he was about to gas. Look at him. He's going into his bag now.

Get out of there, kids. Get in the men's room. All right. What's he got? Look at this guy. Whoa. That's so tough now. Oh. all right what's he got look at this guy Bang, get out of the way, white yo There's something wrong with the black man's mind

There's something wrong with his mind It's weird, I want to give him credit Like, for just bitch slapping it was that white kid involved with the punching yeah he was right so that's actually restrained by a black guy at two in the morning with a tank top i'm probably inebriated and with an ax no seriously he probably said i'm not going back to the rikers seriously i can't believe he didn't put it in those guys' I mean, worse things have fucking happened? Ay, ay, ay. Alcohol also played a role, do you think?

I thought it was the Shamrock Shakes that fucked him up. Really? It wasn't the fucking orange drink? Alcohol played a role in the would-be pickup artist's failure to impress the woman, according to Rubin. He was drunk. This is the woman talking, right?

He was talking to me. I can smell the liquor off him, said the Uber Eats driver, who was back at the Lower East Side McDonald's again the next night. I'm staying right here. Sounds like a tranny. Anyways, holy moly. New York. It really is a dystopian shithole at this point. Why am I, this is how bad it's gotten. I'm giving that guy credit for not chopping

that white kid's head off. Because when alcohol's involved and you get an impulsive dude, three guys are punching him, he goes like this when they're done. You guys done yet? Because I got a present for you in my Hello Kitty book bag.

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