The Nick DiPaolo Show - Israel Sucker Punched | Nick Di Paolo Show #1467

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Israel Vs. Hamas and more!   Support our sponsor, Nugenix! Support the podcast & get a free bottle of Nugenix Total T when you text 231-231 & use the keyword NICK.   Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Oh yeah, how are you folks? Welcome to the show on a Monday. What's going on in the world? Apparently nothing. Very boring weekend. What? Oh, they're at it again, folks. They're at it again.

And I'm not talking about BLM. Well. We'll get to, obviously, the big news in a second. I just, I don't want to, I was trying to find some white fucking stuff, you know. And the first 80 stories in every publication and every platform, obviously, is basically the beginning of World War III. I mean, you've got to remember how we're tied in with Israel, even though this current administration fucking hates Jews with a passion. And we'll get to the squad, those filthy yeast infections,

who should be taken out and shot like they would do in their home countries. And I say home countries where their relatives came from. Rashida Tlaib, you fuckstain. May you die in your sleep tonight with your kids. How you guys doing? Let's go to the weather. It's 850 degrees in the Middle East. Fahrenheit. Weekend, I don't know what to tell you. I got really fucking drunk Saturday night with the wife. What? You heard me. Went to a burger joint downtown.

I used to go to the one closer to my house. Well, they're about equal, actually. But that one's just fucking tumbleweeds coming out of the kitchen. Cafe Depresso, I call it. It's fucking. Got Heineken. No, we don't have that here. All right.

Fucking Miller Lite. No, we ran out last night. Burger. The truck's not here yet. What the fuck? I like the people. But anyways, I said, fuck it, I'm going to the one down top.

Oh, what am I saying? I tried Wild Wings, which is not far from my house. I had never been in that one. I always went to the one in Pula. No, I'm forgetting about this one. So I stuck my head in there at about 4 o'clock. I'm thinking, this place would be mobbed, you know, because it's a sports thing. Wild Wings is, you know, it's really a sports park.

thing. Wild Wings is, you know, it's really a sports park. So I stick my head in and it's pitch black, about 51 degrees in there, loud music, three people. It looked like Billy Batch coming out party after he got released from prison. Very depressing. So I went downtown to that one and holy moly there it is buzzing again they have screens everywhere they have an outdoor a big outdoor thing and what they do is you know there's TVs out there there's TVs inside but when it starts to get dark they project the game on the side of the building next to them it's a big white looks like they painted it for that reason. So you'll watch, you can see the game from four miles away. Fucking love Savannah. And I was drinking like I

was a fucking sophomore high school. Fucking, you see, I'm like a kid in the candy, I told you, I mix, I'll drink a fucking white Russian after I had a Bloody Mary and then I'll fucking do a shot of whiskey and then I'll do some, you know what, scope. That's right, mouthwash with a little Tito's. Some NyQuil. But I was fucking fractured. I had to ask my wife which way I parked on MLK and Brian. I go, just point me to MLK. I'll find it. She's so fucked up. She MLK I'll find it She's so fucked up She goes I'll find it She goes the wrong one

I go what are you doing I'm like you alright to drive Again we live two and a half miles from Don Tiger You alright to drive She goes no I go alright see ya I say don't Anyways good time had by me

Let's get right to it folks Natural born killers Anyways, good time had by me. Let's get right to it, folks. Natural-born killers, that's what I call the Hamas and all the other... And look, folks, I'm not going to sit here and pretend, but I have gone... I do know... I'm not going to pretend. I know the whole history. But I can tell you I have heard the whole history of the Middle East many times by Menachem Dwarman, the owner of the Comedy Cellar, who was actually taught.

He was a professor in Israel. And a guy's more right-wing than me was. So we've discussed this, me, Greg Giraldo, Manny Menachem. We call him Manny. Noam, his son. I mean, we've discussed this. We used to lure people in to sit down with Manny, people who are lefties from New York,

thinking they'd overhear us talking and they want to stick their two cents in. They wouldn't have fucking Manny fillet them. They'd leave with tears in their eyes. What happened? So I'm not going to pretend to be a scholar here, but I know enough. And Palestinian militant group Hamas, by the way, I know that they were founded in Egypt in 1928.

For some reason, that sticks out in my head. They turned it to the Brotherhood, Sunnis, by the way. Anyways, Palestinian militant group Hamas launched an unprecedented terror attack on Israel, which has included the firing of thousands of rockets. Again, this was this weekend. It says, onto the is onto the Israel it says on to the Israel and the infiltration of Israel territory by land air and fucking sea

as my wife dropping a coffee pot to story responding to the surprise attack Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has declared that the nation is at war. Don't fuck with Netanyahu, by the way. This guy was a war hero. I know his history from Esty, the manager of the comedy cellar. You guys are going, what is that? Fucking, what kind of fucking showbiz connection is that? She was a fucking Israeli sergeant. She lost her family in the Holocaust, which I didn't know.

I'm sitting there for years making Hitler jokes right in front of her. Anyway, she's tough as nails. She, God, she used to tell us, she had pictures of Netanyahu when he was young. Look how hot. But he was a fucking badass, and still is. I think they fucked with the wrong Jew.

I think a comedy club said that about my agent. Nick, come on. Netanyahu has declared that the nation is at war and the terrorists will pay a price, but he said it will be retail. Come on. Right off the top. Oh, I just got dizzy. When I laugh like that, I get lightheaded.

That was a zinger. A price it has never known before. No wholesale shit here. Thus far, the attacks in Israel have reportedly left. Again, it was a sneak attack on one of the holiest days of the year over there. The same thing they did 50 years ago in 1973. They were sort of, that's what they, you know, they kind of give their hands away. On those special days, you should watch out. I'm saying, here's my only, only little thing.

It's very weird that Israel was caught off guard at any time, because they never are. IDF and those forces, again, watch Fowler, folks. Watch the show Fowder because it's all about this and like I said even Palestinians again Fowder you can look at Google it find it on Netflix whatever but even Palestinians praise the show

because it shows both sides doing horrible shit but like me and Dallas was saying the fucking Jews the fucking Jews I'm on their side didn't sound it I don't see them and I'm not saying they don't, but their military doesn't bust into houses and massacre or do, I'm sure everybody's yelling at the screen now because not all my fans are with Israel. So, but I'm saying, yes, individuals, like individual Israelis will shoot up a bar or whatever.

But I don't remember the military, you know. So Netanyahu said gloves are off. He started to fucking blow up. It was, I think, Gaza he was blowing up. Anyways, the sneak attack on Israel left over 700 people dead, over 2,200 wounded. Just, yeah, and it's going up today as we

speak on Monday more I mean they they went to like this giant rave that was gone like a music festival and just just picking teenagers off just slaughtering them show me the equivalent show me the equivalent of Israel doing that too might be out there I'm not pretending know, but Hamas claims it has captured Israel Defense Force soldiers and civilians during its assault on Israel border towns outside Gaza. Israeli military response Operation Sword of Iron has led to the deaths of 198 Palestinians. I'm sure that's up now. 198 Palestinians, 1,864 people injured.

I swear to God they make the numbers. The attack occurred on the Jewish holiday of Shemini Etret. Of course it did. I was celebrating at home. I had the doily. The final day of the annual High Holy Day cycle. You ever celebrate your wife's cycle when it's over? Celebrate all over her face. Oh, Jesus. That was my wacky sidekick.

I just got a visual that's going to stick in my head forever. Here's some depressing video that you might want to look at. Go ahead, roll that. Here's the militaryrated into Israel's territory from Gaza, taking hostages and murdering civilians. Children, families, and entire communities are under attack. At this time, the IDF is reinforcing the south with forces, recruiting reserves, and striking critical Hamas targets. Hamas will pay a heavy price for this inhumane attack against Israel. Again, retail. God, I love that joke. Very, very clever.

What did I want to say? Oh, first of all, notice how their military guys are actually guys. They don't have dresses on and shit. And they're not fucking playing. Anybody notice that? To give you an idea, to put it in perspective, they launched like 3,000 missiles, I think, in a 24-hour period, Hamas did, or whatever. To give you that perspective, the last war they had, Israel won, they launched a total of 5,000 over like 30 days or something, something like that. Don't quote me on those numbers, but just to give an idea

how heavy the fire was. Hey, in the second half of the show, by the way, I'll be talking about, speaking of guns, Smith & Wesson makes a huge move, and you can't blame them, exclusively on Mug Club. What the fuck? What do I got to do? Fucking put that in giant letters? It's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Did you guys get that?

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to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Hey guys, are you tired of wasting your money on testosterone booster products that don't work? I don't blame you. That's why our sponsor, Nugenics Total T, lets you try before you buy. Get a complimentary sample when you text 231-231 and enter keyword Nick. Nugenics is the number one doctor, recommended brand, and the number one selling testosterone boosting brand at GNC and Walmart. I take this stuff now because I'm 61 and it gives me, the thing it does best, recovery. The next day, I'm not sore. I'm not sore for the next two days. And I don't run out

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Remember, number one doctor recommended brand by primary care physicians based on an independent survey conducted by IQVIA 2022. And we thank them for sponsoring the show today. Yesterday, Rep Rashida Tlaib, remember her? When the night, oh, isn't she a piece of ass? Fucking behead her with a spork tonight, shit down her fucking neck. You remember the night that, what's his name, won the presidency, Trump, and she said at one of the parties that night, let's impeach the motherfucker? I think he'd been in office about whatever.

Anyways, Jew hater right there, you're looking at her. Hates Jews. Hates Jews. Tlaib released the following. We have to get a bigger teleprompter between the Ozempic and me being 61. Do they make teleprompters in Braille? It runs over my fingers. Rashida Tlaib released the following statement. I grieve the Palestinian and Israeli lives lost yesterday and every day. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. Am determined as ever to, it says tight.

Is that you with the fucking article? Too tight to fight for a just future where everyone can live in peace without fear and with true freedom, equal rights, and human dignity. That's what you don't want. You don't. You're a fucking liar. The path to that future must include lifting the blockade, ending the occupation, and dismantling the apartheid system that creates suffocating, dehumanizing conditions that can lead to resistance. Okay, I need more examples. I need more footage. And I think on a left-leaning

media that we would be getting it. Every time somebody did a Palestinian wrong, we would be seeing it. I'm not saying some of the shit doesn't happen, but nobody's suffocating. And I remember Donald Trump, when he was in office, actually the Middle East was quite quiet. Do you remember? He moved the capital to Tel Aviv. Remember all the shit he did? And there wasn't a peep out of anybody. I'm not citing who's whatever the fuck. I know the 1967, the Six-Day War and all that,

and Hamas came about in 1987. It's a sprout of all other. They're terrorists. They're not militants. They're terrorists. They're not armies. They're terrorists. When you shoot up women and children,

drag naked women through the street, you're fucking terrorists. Have I seen any? I could be wrong. Do the Jews drag Palestinian girls through the street? Huh? The failure to recognize the violent reality of living under siege.

She's defending Hamas right now. Occupation and apartheid makes no one safe. Oh, she's a fucking... Yeah. She's a malignant cunt. No person, no child anywhere should have to sutter, who wrote this fucking thing?

We cannot ignore the humanity in each other as long as our country provides billions in unconditional funding to support the apartheid government. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, fuck stain, yeast infection. Your administration, your man Joe Biden, just lifted $6 billion worth of sanctions against Iran, who funds Hamas. They asked Joe about it.

He said, they told me that money goes to Little League uniforms. You are blinded by her hate for Jew. I'm sorry. And I don't believe she got elected. I don't believe Ilhan Omar won another term. I don't believe it. Folks, I know your fans, you get mad. I'm going to vote.

Don't worry. Just in case they're legit. But I don't think they. Folks, I know your fans, you get mad. I'm going to vote, don't worry, just in case they're legit. But I don't think they are on any fucking level. That's just my opinion. This is heartbreaking to break. So, in other words, it's apartheid and we have to break this cycle of violence. Can you imagine her having the balls to say that? Now, watch what these savages do.

One of the first clips that came out of this thing this weekend was a German girl. I think she was a tattoo artist or something. She's kind of famous. And she was one of the first ones they captured on film. And she's dead, so they parade her through the streets half naked in the back of a truck. And again, I want to see the reverse of that. I want to see IDF doing that to some Palestinian girl. Again, I could be fucking wrong.

But check this disgusting display of it's not human behavior, it's animal behavior. Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! behavior it's animal behavior kids gonna spit on her and the red t-shirt on the right Hey. Hates Jews. Hates Jews. What the fuck? Nice, huh? Nice. I want to hear, I want, I want them to, you know, have the squad have a hearing and show that shit and say defend it.

And they're going to go, well, the Jews do it, well, then show us the footage. If you don't like our—why would you become a politician in the United States if you hate everything we stand for? And I understand some people go, we should separate from Israel. The people have that view, let their hands go, because, you know, it would take a lot of pressure off us. And they're our only democracy in the Middle East, right, as far as allies go, the most

powerful one. Fucking ridiculous. Hey, for those of you guys that are listening to a stuttering prick. For those of you guys that are listening to a stuttering prick. For those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to NickDip.com. Join to get my full show, Stephen Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. And I do mean a whole lot more. And I do mean a whole lot more. guitar solo Outro Music