The Nick DiPaolo Show - Joe B-EYE-den Hemorrhaging In Both Blood And The Polls! #223

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

Jittery Joe Jostles his Jargon. Down Syndrome Drag Show Draws Disgust. LA Loves Leprosy.

Welcome to the Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! We'll see you next time. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. Welcome to the show on a Monday.

Back from that Dorian. What a bitch that turned out. Is Dorian a guy's name or a girl? Both. Guy's name. It's a guy's name? It's the first transsexual storm. Jesus, strike one already. Ten seconds in. I gotta believe it's a girl's name too, no?

I could have sworn I dated a Dorian, but then again, you're right. I reached down there and found a package. I'm vaping, by the way. I know Michigan's outlawing it, so I've got to get my smokes in now before I do Uncle Skidmark's in fucking Lansing. I'm doing this and cigarettes, because they don't know which one's better for you, so I'm just taking all the guesswork out of my cancer.

Shout-outs real quick. These are people that make contributions, and we thank them very much. Andrew Marshall, once again, contributing. Seth Hendershot, what a great name eric warner w jennings and christopher kovacs kovacs thank you guys so much for contributing to the show as you know we need all the dough we can i don't have the budget of uh fucking mike lindell my pillow guy is Is this guy ever going to go away? Jesus H. Christ. So, Rich, you can apologize for your storm. I was absolutely wrong.

Boy, were you fucking wrong. I got hit with an acorn, I think, at the height of the storm and had to be rushed to a hospital. Can we, Rich, put the, warm it up in here a little bit. I got a cold breeze blowing on my fucking neck. I don't need. Yeah, tremendous, tremendous storm. And you're going, why didn't you do the shows? Because my producers live outside of Savannah. And on Tuesday, once again, the government sticks their beak in telling us, you know, since when do we have

to have the government tell us what to do now? I mean, they jumped in and said you can't get back into Savannah. We're reversing the roads. So a couple of my producers lived outside, and on Tuesday of noon of last week, they said you can't get back into Savannah. So we made the announcement on Monday we're not doing shows because we were told we had to get the hell out mandatory evacuation. And once again, the government just overreaching. Costco made zillions.

Home Depot made zillions. The fucking Chamber of Commerce here in Savannah is jerking off. They sold 70,000 umbrellas in three minutes. The poor Bahamas. Let's not be – I couldn't have done more damage if you dropped a goddamn nuclear bomb. Un-friggin'-believable. But it did piss me off

because I always like doing these shows. You know, I did. I worked on my stand-up, folks. So when you people are barking at me, do some shows, you lazy fuck. I actually have two jobs, okay? Actually, three. You know, I am a babysitter on Wednesday nights all over the country.

You're pissing me off. A, she was a hooah. B, she was a hooah. We're talking about Dorian. I say it's a girl. Dorian Gray, who's that? Woman? That was a whore. We're talking about Dorian. I say it's a girl. Dorian Gray. Who's that? Woman?

That was a guy. That was a guy too? God damn it. There has to be a broad named Dorian out there. If not, I fucked a guy a couple years ago. Oh my God. That's horrible. Coming to you live, folks.

We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live okay we'll do it live fuck it do it live i can i'll write it and we'll do it live that's so typical though fucking thing sucks you know so typical of the uh government uh relying on everything uh anyhow i stayed put like everybody all my neighbors who are from fucking Savannah are like, we ain't going nowhere. We've heard this 50 times. We're not going anywhere.

We do have the picture of the extent of the damage. Oh, yeah. In front of my house. Look at that. A robin got a bruise on the back of its neck. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I got all kinds of cancer. I was stocking up because I listened to Richard,

who's been living down here for years. I stocked up like the fucking Civil War is going to kick in. You did too, Rich, right? You eat cold beefaroni. It's pretty good. Cold beefaroni? Okay. It's coming from a bachelor. He's in his late 50s by himself. He yanks it every night to fucking animation.

My schedule. Hey, speak into the mic. You know, don't go half the sentence. Jesus Christ, this is a tech guy. He can't hit one button on his mic. You got a new job, Rich. You dress like you're the fucking manager at Midas Muffler. You're 30% off if you need it.

Oh, shut the fuck up. Enough already. He's got $400 shoes, fucking $300 necktie with $11 Hager slacks. They're $900. Shut your fucking mouth. I don't like you. All right, back to the show. I want all of you to enjoy your cake.

So, enjoy. I'll get to Antonio Brown. Why don't you just hand the Patriots a Super Bowl tomorrow? Another trophy for us. I love it. Joe Biden back in the news. Is he ever not? Let me say something about Biden right at the front of the goddamn thing.

His gaffes, some of them are real, some of them are not. I'm a comedian. I can detect when somebody intentionally does a Freudian slip or a whatever. Like when he said to Obama, this is a big fucking deal, he knew there were mics everywhere. This guy likes to draw attention to himself. But sometimes there are actual gaffes because he's retarded. We know that. Yet he's still the frontrunner or close to it.

I know Elizabeth Warren in a few, you know, brilliant fucking cities like Seattle draws a crowd. Can you imagine that? Taylor Swanda running against Trump. He's going to stomp her like the fucking nerd that she is. Anyways, Joe Biden, well, look, this sums up Biden right here, okay?

What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing?

What's going on right now? What are we doing? What's going on right now? What are we doing? All right. Ooh, Michigan might be right. I just felt some blood come up in my throat. Anyways, he was in New Hampshire over the week when we were off.

And he fell into a, well, here he is speaking. He must have drank out of a Hillary's cup because he has, seems like anybody who's leading in the Democrat race or president contracts tuberculosis. You know, coincidentally, right after they fucking visit L. visit la they actually have a leprosy problem coming according to one doctor but anyways uh he was speaking i believe history will look back in this presidency as an aberrant moment in time but if donald hump donald trump is re-elected oh yeah that was an accident no 40 and a slip. No, it wasn't. You're a fucking fool. Donald Trump is reelected.

Now he's smirking. He will forever and fundamentally follow the character of this nation. Donald Trump does pose an excellent threat to this. It's not hypothetical. He does what Trump does. When Trump slips on a word, they try to go to another. He couldn't say existential. That's a big word for a guy hemorrhaging from his fucking left eye.

He's hemorrhaging support. He's hemorrhaging from his eyes. You know, he's coughing. Existential is too big a word. Come on, people, Democrats who have voted. He's too big a world. Come on, people. Democrats who have voted. He's still in the lead. This guy isn't fit to run a fucking Little League team. He's batshit crazy.

He's lost his marbles. Go ahead. He does pose a real threat. The core values of this nation are standing in the world. He's slurring. Our very democracy. Everything that's made America, America's at stake. And everyone knows who Donald Trump is. Now we have to show them who we are.

Pause. You did with your climate change thing on CNN. And everybody's going, oh my God, Trump's going to win again. You showed us who you are. You, Joe, have reversed 19 things that you used to be for and now you're against because

your party has moved so far left. Everybody knows it. You're bleeding from your eye. You can't say existential. You didn't know you were Obama's vice president. You fucking thought Parkland happened three weeks ago. You're wearing an adult diaper. I didn't even mention that. He's got no pants on behind the fucking mic. He's got a big runny

dump in his... He's fucking losing his shit. But, um, we know who you are. He keeps saying this, too. It makes me laugh. He goes, I'm a blue-collar guy. I don't forget where I came from. Well, you probably don't, but the problem is you don't know where you were four minutes ago,

which is a classic case of dementia. You can remember shit that happened 30 years ago, but he doesn't know what state he's in. Remember, he's in New Hampshire going, I love Hawaii. What are you, shit me? Pennsylvania's one of the most beautiful. Any more to that? Go ahead. And we choose hope over fear.

We choose science over fiction. We choose unity over division. And yes, yes, we choose truth over lies. Oh, you got that one right. Over facts. That's where the blood started to squirt out of his eye. He's got a nice fucking hematoma. The Democrats really think they are how Americans think.

But here one more of these socialist scumbags go, that's not who we are as a country. No, we are a capitalist country. You're not who we are. You're in deep shit. You got Elizabeth Warren and Joe Biden neck and neck. You guys should be sweating your balls off. Anyways, but he started coughing, coughing too at the end of that. Economy. Remember this?

I need your help to do that. I have three pubes in the back of my throat. I also need your help. I went down on a female wrestler last night in Chappaqua. Somebody get this red pube out of my fucking... Unhealthy. They always give these people physicals once they become president you should have one

before you run you know sorry you can't go so anyways biden uh what does that tell you that he's still up there but in some polls liz is ahead by a pube and bernie's right on i'd be pissed if i was bernie because liz warren just stole his thunder he's's like, what the fuck? I came up with this shit four years ago. You all sneezed at me. Now this broad comes up, I wouldn't fuck with my brother's dick, and you're voting for her? Am I right, Richie? Nice tan, Rich. Where'd you get that?

During the hurricane? Yeah, this was a storm tan. And I heard Elizabeth Warren and Clinton are working together now. And Hillary? Yeah, she's working behind the scenes on her campaign. You might have wanted to send it to me last night or when you heard it. That would have been breaking news. This morning, sir.

This morning? Well, send it to me this morning. Oh, you have another job. That's right. House things at the Walmart. Shelves. Shut up. God, he thinks he's funny. Help. Help me. Anyways, let's stay on the Democrats and the cities that they lead.

I don't mean lead as far as votes. I mean as far as they run. Mark Siegel's a doctor. You ever see him on TV? Very sharp dude. I mean, come on. He's Jewish and he's a doctor. He's smarter than most people.

Nick, what do you mean by that? You know what the fuck I meant by it. That's how I feel about Mark Siegel. I wet my ass with your feelings. Hey! See how I worked that in, Jase? He asked the question, is a dark ages disease the new American plague threat? Yes, it is.

And I've been saying this, oh, I don't know, since I was 28 when I saw the illegal immigration problem, even under Reagan and, like, you know, tuberculosis was making a comeback and shit. And any time you said that, you were deemed racist and stuff. But it's all coming home. The diseased chickens have come home to roost. Diseases are reemerging in some parts of America, mostly the liberal-run cities, including L.A. County. What a coincidence. Let's connect the dots there.

There's like three Americans living in L.A. County now. When I left L.A. in 99, they were hemorrhaging people. I can imagine what it looks like now. Anyways, diseases are reemerging that we haven't commonly seen since the Middle Ages, which is ironic because these are progressive cities. Yet they're having Middle Age problems under there. You know, invite everybody from all over the world to stay here. One of them is typhus, a disease carried by fleas that feed on rats,

which in turn feed on the garbage and sewage that is prominent in people-packed typhus zones. Have you ever been to the typhus zone? It's a restaurant off of Route 1 in Saugus, Massachusetts. Mmm, what? The doctor says, I also believe that homeless areas are at risk for the reemergence of another deadly ancient disease. Now, he's predicting this. And this guy's pretty sharp, okay?

Leprosy, also known as Hansen's disease. And we all know we don't want that. We caught some of that in the 90s or 80s. Ugh! Isn't that one of the Olsen twins in the middle? That's a Jerry Sandusky wet dream right there. Leprosy involves a mycobacteria That is very difficult to transmit And very easy to treat with a cocktail of three antibiotics

Yet according to the CDC There are more than 200,000 new cases of leprosy Reported in the world every year With two-thirds of them in my favorite country, India. But you don't have opening? No. But why not? Because it's clogged with pollution and leprosy bumps.

That's why. It's very difficult to transmit leprosy, unless you go to a leper call and get three blowjobs a night. And very easy to treat with a cognitive 3 antibiotic. I already said that. The poor are disproportionately affected by the disease because close quarters. Now, listen to this description. This describes, you know, every tent city from Anaheim to Los Angeles.

Close quarters, poor sanitation, lack of prompt diagnosis or treatment easily can convert a disease that should be rare to one that is more common. And when I hear Ben-Hur, and I reference this in one of my specials, Inflammatory, I think, there was an actual story I read a couple of years ago. And the kids were in the end at a school in Wisconsin, like an elementary school. They had to send these two brothers home because one of them had leprosy. Imagine your little kids hanging out with his Indian friend and kid puts his lunchbox down and his

hand breaks off on the handle. What kind of school are you running? But you don't have opening? No. But why not? I always think of Ben-Hur, though. When I was a kid, that's when I was introduced to leprosy. When Ben-Hur, his mother became a leper somehow.

She slept with a guy who looked like Edward James, almost, had bad skin, and had to run to a cave for a few fucking years. Remember? And I think they lied to Ben Hurst Carica saying she died, and then he found out she was still alive. This really affected me as a little kid. This is when I became a bully. Anybody with bad skin, I'm like, get away from me.

So he went to visit his mother and the kid. Do we have that? Go ahead. That could be anybody from the Middle East today. Welcome to LaGuardia. This was shot in Anaheim, California. Thank you. Ben Hur's mother. You don't want that leprosy.

Trust me, a rubber cannot stop that. Touch me, and I'll kill you. According to the CDC, there are between 100 and 200 new cases of leprosy reported in the United States every year. Open those borders, folks. We won't be happy until I have hep C, Ebola, and leprosy.

A study just released from the Keck Medical Center. That's how you know it's good numbers. Keck. When I want leprosy numbers, I go to Keck. At the University of Southern California, it looked at 187 leprosy patients. A third of those

were starting the USC defensive backs and treated at its clinic from 1973 to 2018. So it's not exactly an epidemic yet. And found that most were Latino originating from Mexico. So, I mean, thus the shithole label. Where the disease is somewhat common in Mexico,

and that there was on average a three-year delay in diagnosis, during which time the side effects of the disease, usually irreversible even with treatment, began to occur. Leprosy is still more prevalent in Central and South America, with more than 20,000 new cases per year. You know, the caravans, just lick the seat on one of those buses, okay? Your tongue will look like a pineapple in six minutes. on one of those buses.

Okay? Your tongue will look like a pineapple in six minutes. It's only prevalent in the people that come flooding the market. But again, it would be racist for anybody to say

that you're bringing diseases. Didn't Trump say that when he was running for president? They're bringing crime. They're bringing diseases. They're bringing nodules filled with pus. Look at me killing myself with a vape.

By the way, it's kids putting THC in it. The other one's getting sick, okay? I just stick with the pure heroin. Somebody taught me, a good friend of mine. Two guesses. Given that there is certainly the possibility of sporadic cases of leprosy continuing to be brought across our southern border undetected it probably will happen la county with close to 60,000 homeless people and 75 of those are lacking even temporary shelter adequate hygiene and medical treatment so what he's saying is that uh you know this is a real who would have thought typhus was

going to make a comeback? You know what I mean? I mean, for Christ's sake, close the gates. I don't mean to be racist, but they haven't figured out how to cure, you know, athletes' foot and fucking dandruff and acne in a lot of these places. I'm just saying not all cultures are equal. We wiped these things out years ago. Years ago.

Now, you people in L.A. County are going to send your kids to school, and some kid from Juarez is going to sneeze, and it's going to land in your kid's fucking Twinkie. Next thing you... Oh, God. We're finished. We're finished, everybody. Delicious. Thank you. we're finished we're finished everybody delicious delicious delicious

just delicious so yeah the world's coming apart this also happened we'll stay in California this speaks to the anti-cop sentiment and the violence I don't know about you guys do you watch the news and go, mother of God, it's all coming apart. And it's not Trump's fault.

Started a long time ago. He's the only thing holding it together. Can you imagine? I want you to picture this right now. Any of these jerk-off 2020 Democrats running for president with the open border. And they're all, you know, climate change is a bigger threat. Well, no, my kid came home with leprosy so not really worried about fucking whether whether it's 12 years from now or 200 years from now they had a thing on cnn where all of them got to speak it was seven hour

marathon and everybody is saying both i heard people on the left saying that they just gave trump a gift because it revealed how fucking crazy they are. Bernie wants to spend $16 trillion. Kamala Harris, they're like, should we ban plastic straws? She goes, yeah, I think we should. She was even embarrassed. She was like, yeah, okay, whatever. They're trying to get rid of plastic straws hamburgers.

There goes McDonald's, Arby's, all the... Hmm? Anyways, I digress. Relax, Jason. Segues of the kids. This isn't the fucking daily show. I don't have 42 writers. I'm in my underwear by myself last night,

two in the morning, celebrating the Antonio Banderas signing. I mean, Brown Brown I have a friend who's a cop was a cop for 32 years in Miami and we discussed this years ago

about female partners and he says and in New York I knew some cops used to come to the comedy cellar and I asked him about female partners

and they go not big on it it's a big secret not that they can't shoot a gun but they can always be overpowered. And this happened in California.

This is a female cop and this psycho, this fucking guy, goes after her. Here it is. Pretty frightening, actually. I'm going to shoot you. I'm going to shoot you. Get off me. Oh, my God. Get off me. Oh, my God. Get off me.

Get off me. Gets the gun from her. It jams. Pause. It jammed, they said. I read the article. And that's Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees who got the gun. The gun jammed after he got it from her, luckily.

That's what it said in the article. I don't know if that's true or not. But, again, I'm not trying to be sexist here. There's always this danger. There's a brutal video that I showed on my old version of this show. A black guy gets pulled over, gets out of his car. He looked like he just got out of prison. Big dude with his daughter who's like 10 years old. Female

cop walk and he knocks her out and then gets on top, proceeds to beat her. The poor daughter's sitting there crying. She's fucking ruined for life. Her father just beats the I mean, it's a danger and I can hear the feminists and anybody oh no, how can you

say that? What are you talking about? When it comes to arm – you know, hand-on-hand combat, the guy's going to win every time. And lucky for her, God bless her. I'm guessing that they're trained to – when you get pinned like that, get rid of all the bullets, because when the guy does get your gun. So I wonder if it jammed while she was shooting it on the ground you know it was like but it saved her

a bad product that's when you want a product not to work you know you know what I mean don't fuck up my panini but my George my George Foreman grill fucking if that

whatever anyhow that was pretty scary don't you move you motherfucker blow your brains out anyways uh so he keeps do we got more of that video he ends up getting shot up by the cops you know the bad guys look at this maniac. What the... You sure you got him? Holy moly. He didn't drop the gun, I'm guessing. Of course, that tree was in the other way. Can we go up to the booth?

Can we get another angle on that? The play is being reviewed. But good guys with guns stop bad guy with gun. That's what I took from that. And, you know, good thing it wasn't a school in California. It's a gun-free zone. The cops would have had to use their super soakers and their wrist rockets. a gun-free zone. The cops would have had to use their super soakers and their wrist

rockets. Anyhow, again, that brings up the whole thing about female cops, and I'm not saying they can't do the job, but sometimes... And look, guys have had guns grabbed from them too, but they're usually not overpowered. Somebody sneaks up behind, pulls it

out of the holster. You can act like a man! What's the matter with you? Yeah, that's a bad look when you're running away from the suspect screaming. That doesn't... But you know what? Can you imagine the fucking fear going through her?

It's the same feeling I have when I see Rich come in with a notebook with jokes in it. Hey, ladies and gentlemen. I want to thank bluech it. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank bluechew.com, the sponsoring of this episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show. Guys, let's talk about sex,

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figurines will officially hit stores next year. Thank God. Son of a whore! Jesus Christ, I can sleep now, because I'll tell you. Now, I don't have a problem with this. Rich, can you put the air? It's hot now. It's me, man.

I'm dehydrated. I don't know what's going on. I don't have a problem with making little army men, you know, female. Because let's be honest with you. There's women in the military risking your necks for us too so but the point is there's so little nobody can see the fucking difference is my point listen to this story though just uh you know it just fucking drives me nuts do we have a picture there you go can you really tell if that's a guy? Well, you know, they kind of give him a nice ass.

You can tell whether the girl's standing on the left, she's got her ass. You know what I mean? The broad on the right, I mean, come on. That could be any lesbian in Sunset Boulevard. You know what I mean? She's got two bottles of whatever there. Oh, those are binoculars. I thought she had a couple things of Gatorade Zero.

But can you really, you know? But listen, I'm going to read the story to you. And I can tell it's propaganda. I'll read it to you. It makes me fucking a little bit crazy. By the way, we have a couple more pics. These are what the girls are going to look like in the military now. There you go.

That'll fucking... That'll send any Middle Eastern terrorist back to his fucking hut. That's my wife on the rag. This is good. Is that girl going to look like iceberg lettuce coming over the... Can I get some walnuts and raisins and some vinegar right on this bitch? But anyways, listen to the article and the tone of it. This is more the story.

It's time to celebrate women! Green Army women figurines are finally on their way, and we couldn't be more excited. A toy manufacturer in Scranton, Joe Biden will be like, I worked there. I remember making figurines for transgender kids back in the 40s. A toy manufacturer in Scranton is using a little bit of imagination in their own fight for equality. Here's where I get crazy. Fight for equality. Are you dog-styling me? You can point to your vagina and say it's a dick. I think you've won the fucking equality.

Have you ever seen a longer case of penis envy? And again, Tulsi Gabbard's my favorite Democrat on the left. She's a military person. I love her. Not making fun of that. You know, anybody who wants to get shot, that's fine. These glasses, my head's fucking huge.

I have so much hair gel, it's sticking on the... Anyway, the small operation is one of the only makers of the classic green army men. We'll soon be expanding the line to include army women. And pretty soon, there'll be little army women being sexually assaulted by little army men. That's the other part of the story. They don't mention how sexual assaults, since we integrated the Army, gender-wise,

sexual assaults, pregnancies, rape cases. And that's when I go, hmm, maybe that's why they kept them separate all these years. It's one thing that progressives don't do. They'll change something. They'll perform some social engineering, and then they won't go back to check their work ten years later, see how it's working out. And if it's not working out the way they said, they'll lie about it anyway, see.

Well, men are just pigs. But I digress. Anyway, so they're going to make army women, which is but starting next year, a new female combat toy soldier excuse me, god damn it will make their rounds as well. So how did the whole idea of female soldiers come to light?

Now here comes the propaganda. Why did it take us so long? Because it evolved at its natural pace, is my answer. Not everything can happen yesterday, you fucking idiots. Well, the news comes weeks after a complaint letter was sent by an unsatisfied six-year-old girl from Jeffrey Epstein's attic. What? No, from Arkansas, saying there was a lack of Army women figures. Yes, a six-year-old stood her ground. Listen to this.

Here's where I pulled my pants down and started tickling my own balls and stop taking the world's earth and decided to make a change. Little Vivian Lord is going to be a leader when she grows up. Lord wrote how she couldn't relate to the soldiers since no one looked like her. No, she didn't. Not at six, she didn't. And if she did, that means she's been indoctrinated by her feminist mother, right? She's six years old, and she's already bitching and moaning how it's too male-dominated. Well, you're going to have a long life, honey.

The letter stated, why do you not make girl army men? Some girls don't like pink, like me. I have a handlebar mustache, and I wear cowboy boots, and I like to weld. I added that for emphasis. Some girls don't like pink, so please, can you make army girls that look like women? No such thing. There's no such thing as a girl, except for Tulsi Gabbard. After reading her letter, BMC Toys decided to begin to produce the women figurines.

Well, that's a good company. The CEO is being bullied by a six-year-old girl. to produce the women figurines. Well, that's a good company. The CEO is being bullied by a six-year-old girl, which I think is brilliant because there are a lot of girls out there who can look up to these toys. There's only one toy a girl should be looking up to.

Shaped like a gun. So Amel, that's a guy who started the company, rounded up his troops, quickly realized that there were enough folks looking for little green army women as well. So he decided to go along with the process. The army women will come in the same poses made famous by the male figurines in order to fit in with a wide variety of plastic figures that are already in several generations of toy boxes. that are already in several generations of toy boxes.

Here's one you won't see. A little girl figurine army person with a wounded guy on her back. What are you saying, Nick? You know what I'm saying. The new sets are scheduled to be released in fall of 2020. It's time to break the gender norms, ladies and gentlemen.

Anybody else getting a headache from this shit will you shut up will you please shut up will you shut up shut up the whole thing is written in the first of all a six year old girl didn't do that unless her

mother pointed it out while she was teaching her to shave. She's like, listen. Okay? She didn't do that. And if she did, she's going to be an incontrovertible ball breaker a few years from now. They're this big. You can't tell if it's a guy, transgender. Gender.

Cancer. they're this big you can't tell if it's a guy transgender cancer i have popcorn lung they call it the vape you know the oil in here it's the same stuff they put in the microwave popcorn that artificial why are you laughing i read this they call it popcorn lung i figure if it gets hot enough down here in Georgia, I can cough up some nice fluffy popcorn. Anyways. I don't know what to tell you. But that's all. Again, it's turned into, this whole spirit of, oh, women of, again, being,

come on, it's 2019, man. Stop with that shit. You can get shot just like any other guy. We're making dolls and we're remaking movies like Ghostbusters, which was a, they made it all female and it did $11 at the box office. But you keep plugging away. You keep having that wet dream. The, the cops, remember we talked about the cops in New York? Because, oh, de Blasio, I should have pulled up a clip.

He was on with Tucker Carlson. What an arrogant, pompous jack-off this guy is. He lied through his teeth about almost everything. And he kept saying this to Tucker, I'm digressing about it, but he kept saying, that's not the question. When Tucker would hit him with a hard one, Tucker's like, why is New York more filthy now than ever? That's not the question when tucker would hit him with a hard one tucker's like why is new york more filthy now than ever you know that's not the question i'm not playing your game no i'm asking the questions motherfucker

oh my god he's so foolish he said that like three times that's really not the question i'm not playing your game oh my god just a fucking why am i saying that because cops is an anti-male center you remember the clips showed of the cops getting doused with water and they have to stand there and take it? I don't know why. Don't you long for the old days with Sergeant O'Malley who would open your head like a ripe melon if you looked at him wrong? I do.

But anyways, headline here, man throws milk at NYPD officer during an emergency fire call. This is during, this is firemen responding to an emergency. Cops in New York have to endure, loses dowsing them with water over the summer. Now a video has surfaced of someone worsening the trend by throwing a half gallon of milk at an officer providing help during an emergency fire call. Here's the fucking video. This is why New York is...

See that? Threw a bottle of milk. All the usual geniuses on a Tuesday afternoon at 1 o'clock, hard at work. Can you fucking imagine that? What is fucking going on? There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. The officer was able to duck his head with the bottle just missing him.

I didn't know they still make bottled milk. Do they? Hit the ground and splattered the cops uniform the pba that's a police benevolent association blames city leaders for the brazen you know de blasio fucking who the cops can't stand saying they have created a cop hating environment it's becoming impossible he says for police officers to do our job even even in emergency situations. PBA President Pat Link said in a statement, at a fire scene, our role is to clear the area so that firefighters can contain the fire and prevent loss of life. This crowd didn't care. They wanted to fight the cops who were there to fucking help. OK, that's what they want to do.

There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. So you know what? Don't help. That's what's going to do. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. So you know what? Don't help. That's what's going to happen, folks. And once again, another example of black guys and brown guys who are so afraid of the cops. You can just tell by their behavior, can't you? Every clip I show on this show, they're throwing water on the cops.

Oh, they get so nervous when the cops come around. Remember de Blasio sitting his kid down? He had to tell his kid how to behave around New York cops because the kid is black. He might be in danger. I don't see, I see no apprehensiveness on the part of the young black males when cops show up in any of these fucking clips. Can you imagine? We're deteriorating. We're deteriorating because of people like de Blasio.

You think that ever happened to the Giuliani? Ever? What is it with the dairy products? They're always on the nose now. Milkshakes are being thrown at politicians. Guys are licking fucking ice cream. Get that on EBT cards. What do they have on EBT cards?

They get them the free milk and stuff like that. Yeah. What are you saying? This is a racist thing? No, it's just available on the hood. Jason, I want you to, on a scale of one to ten, how important was that comment? I'll give it like a three. There you go.

God help me. By the way, white people are licking the ice cream, too. But they're not throwing shit at fucking cops. Officers did chase the milk-throwing man, but he was able to evade them because most of these guys run a 4-2-40. If the fucking Jets had this kid, they would have won. In a Twitter post, the NYPD said the man is wanted for assault. Wanted for assault. Well, NYPD cops are evacuating people from a fire

at the Grand Concourse. That's up in the Bronx. A suspect threw a container of milk at police. It occurred on 9-3 at around 5 in the afternoon. If you have any info, here's a picture of the guy. There he is. Now, that guy is throwing milk at a cop in the Bronx,

or he just rented a crop duster in the Midwest, and he just got here from fucking Iran about six minutes ago. Yes, diversity. Sing that song. Four residents were injured in the fire, according to officials. Seventeen families displaced. Several people arrested while voicing their outrage. One woman attacked an officer, ripped off his body camera, resulting in charges.

Can you imagine that? Two others were taken in for disorderly conduct. Nobody seriously hurt. A woman ripping a cop's fucking body camera. Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Are you that sneaky cunt? She's cunt. Said and true, but need to tell you, you're a motherfucking cunt. and ripping a cop's fucking body camera. Unbelievable. And again, all under the tutelage of, you know,

Bill de Blasio, who just, it's one of the first things he did when he got elected mayor, was make a thing of him talking to his son about how dangerous the cops are. Now they have to sit here and take it. You got to be. I'm going to say it again. I keep bringing this up,

and I'm going to be right eventually. I'm usually two years ahead of the time. Rubber bullets. Seriously. Or tase. You know? But you don't want to tase a guy. Throw him milk.

Now you're going to block a cheese. I have... No. Rubber bullets. Rubber baby bumper bullets. They hurt. You don't kill anybody. You can if you hit somebody in the eye.

But rubber... Am I wrong here? There's a million different ways. Remember, Jace, I don't know if you were working on this. Maybe it was before you even came aboard. It was a Bo Dietl came up with an invention, right? It was a cord that wrapped around you. You shoot the suspect.

Remember that? Yeah, it was like a bullet shot. It shot it and then just wrapped around immediately. It wraps around you immediately. No. I don't understand why I haven't seen that infomercial at 3 in the morning. It's always a guy trying to sell me military-grade sunglasses. It should be Bo Deedle.

They're going to say it's medieval. Yeah, and as Trump said, medieval. The whale is medieval. We're still using that. Medieval? How is that medieval if you're not shooting a guy with a real bullet? It's just the opposite. You wrap him up. He looks like a piece of fucking pasta when you're done and

you got a dumb look on your face like you want to say something stupid it's gonna be like terminator with the drones chasing them around that's what and that's like they're gonna come after us then the nice law-abiding citizens let's break that sentence down it's gonna be like terminating the drones and then the law abiding citizens are going to come after us what does that mean well it's terminator happens first and then it's mad max after that why are they going to come after us who's going to come after us gain artificial intelligence and then they come after the people you're trying too hard to be fun i hope they come after you with some intelligence.

Fucking drone, shoot some brains into your head. Anyways. Jesus. Hey, guys. September 26th. I'll be at Wise Guys Comedy Club, Salt Lake City. That's coming up soon. I remember looking at it going,

oh, that's a month's way. I can relax. And then the next two nights, right after that, Friday and Saturday, September 27th, 28th, The Comedy Works in Las Vegas. Tommy, hope you're feeling better. That's my manager in the hospital. Thursday, October 10th, Levity Live, Nyack, New York. Friday, October 11th, The Strand Theater in Seymour, Connecticut.

Friday, November 15th, The Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York. Saturday, November 16th, The Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs, New York. New Year's Eve, Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. And then in 2020, oh, my God, I'm like Biden. Making fun of him, forcing him. Friday, January 24th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. Saturday, February 15th, the Kelsey Theater at Lake Park, Florida. And we've lined up some stuff for Georgia coming up soon.

It'll be posted at Nick Diptoffer. I don't know what. The Tipton Theater or something like that. God, I got that. And something in Maine going on. I forget. Anyways, this was a little disturbing, okay? And I tweeted about it and caught shit from some guy.

It's the people who put on the show I had the beef with. Let me get to the story, okay? A drag show featuring artists with disabilities has found a new home after the property owner pulled the event over concerns that performers were being exploited. Here's the picture, okay? It's a Down syndrome drag show that some Republican had the good taste to cancel because these kids are being exploited, okay? In the article, they make the argument they're not being exploited. Down syndrome kids can make decisions on their own.

Well, then I don't like you giving me the finger. How about that? That was what my tweet was about. You know what I mean? It's the people who put this show on, first of all, that are sick fucks. Because that is exploitation. And I've talked many times on stage or whatever about I'm glad that the down syndrome, they mainstream these kids now, which is good. They're working, you know, I'm glad that the Down syndrome, they mainstream these kids

now, which is good. They're working, you know, and stuff like that. But when I saw this, it pissed me off. And then the article backed up saying they have, you know, they can make their own decisions. But the problem in this article is they're not differentiating between Down syndrome, which is, you know, more mental and physical, and somebody with just a disability, they don't differentiate that. It's like they don't differentiate illegal and legal migrants. This is what they do.

But that pissed me off, so I tweeted out, hey, whatever, I'm glad the show's going to go on, but just make sure that you put my eggs on top of my canned goods on Monday. That's a fucking funny tweet, you know. And some guy got all upset, I'm gonna fucking

see you on fucking Saturday, or whatever the fuck. But anyhow, when I was young, those poor kids wouldn't be let out of the house they went to different school and you see him now on like on espn is that who's the famous quarterback's got a brother somebody in college has a brother that that has done he's at the games all the time and shit and uh the point is the people who organize this and that are angry at the guy who canceled it they're're the asshole. That is exploitation.

Because mentally, those kids, even when they're adults, they're like 10 or 12 years old mentally. That looks like last call at my local bar. That's when the bartender flips the lights on. That's what's left. And Rich is over there going, yeah, I drive a Ford Taurus, and I'm a tech guy. There you go. I don't like a kid flipping me off. I don't care.

If you're making the argument that he is mentally able to make his own decisions and not being exploited, do I have a right to fucking throw a joke at him? Am I wrong here? Threatening me with violence because I offended you with a joke. Get the fuck out of here. Ay, ay-yi. But the people of Sick Bastards who put this on, and the guy made the right call, in my opinion.

Fuck you! Take it easy. Uh, yeah. The UK-based, naturally, troop, Drag Syndrome. Naturally, Troop, a drag syndrome. I would have called it Dragnet or something. Was all set to mount its first ever show in the U.S. this Saturday as part of Project 1 by Grand Rapids, Michigan.

As part of the seven weeks of scheduled programming, the group was set TV, TV, Y-N-O, I can't even read it. I think shit's contagious. Perform at Tanglefoot Stewart, an outdoor amphitheater that's uniquely equipped to meet the accessibility needs of people with disabilities. Tanglefoot owner Pete Magier took issue with the event. However, Magier, the grandson of retail chain magnate Frank Magier, a Republican candidate for Congress,

claimed in a letter to Festival Organizers that people with Down syndrome must be protected from exploitation. You are correct, sir. I sort of agree. The differently abled are among the most special souls in our community, he wrote, comparing people with disabilities to children. See, now that's wrong to do. But that's not up for debate or opinion.

I'm sure there's some that are more mentally capable than others, but they're not. That's exploitation, whoever's doing this, I think. But again, you can't say that that's how uh what is it disablism whatever seriously there's fucking 19 isms you're looking out for them but you're the asshole that's the world we live in especially in england representatives from disart a michigan-based advocacy group which is spearheading an event called Magier on August 19th to discuss his fears that people with Down syndrome are not, as he claimed, in a position to give their full and informed consent. DISART co-founder Chris Smith explained that Drag Syndrome is an internationally celebrated group of performers who have put on shows at the Tate Modern in London and been recognized by Queen Elizabeth II. I say that I like the one over there. I love the purple dressing. But the subject is also personal for him. Schmidt, who has a spinal muscular atrophy,

that's different. I'll make the argument. That's different than what we're talking about here. I'll make the argument that's different than what we're talking about here I'm sure he doesn't have the mentality of a 12 or 14 year old told Majeer that living with disability is a uniquely individual experience which affects everyone differently here we go so you have to be

disabled or have Down syndrome to be able to experience just like you know you don't it's a black experience man you can't relate to me aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye I say they're explaining the guy them kids It's a black experience, man. You can't relate to me. Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi. I say they're exploiting the goddamn kids. Some people, unfortunately, fall back on this idea that disabled people can't think for themselves. Again, when the disabled, and this is a chromosome thing, and they are physically disabled. They're in the special limp.

I understand that, but we're talking emotionally. I would say they don't have all the marbles. Is the kid really going to stand up and go, no, this is fucking wrong? Yeah, yeah.

Anyways, the guy's a Republican running for Congress, I guess, in that town or whatever, and that's why he's a bad guy. So he headed out with this group. Within hours, Magier reached out to Project One to say his decision was final, leaving the event without a venue. And then they found a venue, and everybody lived happily ever after.

And everybody's equal. And these kids should be able to play pro football. And they should be in the booth. They can do anything you can do. Don't fucking pick a da-da-da-da. Everybody happy now? Oh, yeah. Dude, why do you even care, dude?

I hate that when you get that one on Twitter. Why do you even care? Like when they were destroying artwork or whatever. They were taking down the painting over white murals and taking down all the Nobel winning prize people at that college. Rachel Maddow was behind it. Rockefeller College.

She was behind it, Jason. Don't fucking smirk. He loves her. He thinks she's so bright. Anyways, somebody goes, why do you even care? And I said, why don't you, you asshole? Read the fucking history. It's what ISIS does.

It's what the Nazis did. You don't care that your history is being wiped out? Just anesthetize. He's been so brainwashed by PC horse shit. Probably 15 years old. I don't know who's responding to me. Because they do it under an anonymous. That's the great thing about Twitter.

You can say all kinds of mean shit anonymously. A lot of balls as Tony Soprano said to Janice his sister she's like I could say something I'm not gonna say he goes lot of balls but it's true by the way isn't that the solution to Twitter

if you don't want it to be such a hate fest you should have to put your face and name up there and address and stool sample and all that shit, right? Who's with me? What, Rich? Should be their driver's license photo. Okay, great. Fine.

Whatever. Not their passport? Social Security? How about a picture of them in their front yard playing Frisbee with Corky? Finally tonight, bad news for you NFL fans, unless you're from my hometown of Boston. Hey, he wasn't in the booth last night. I was told that Antonio Brown, who's insane, by the way, okay? Anybody who has a half a sense of, you know, I was watching this going,

you know, his players, you know, his NFL live, they're going, he's a smart dude, man. And I'm sitting there, I'm going, no, his fucking agents and his PR people and whoever he consulted, he's not this smart. He's a little nuts, as a matter of fact. But I am happy to have the mother. He's a little nuts, as a matter of fact. But I am happy to have the mother.

You know, in the last six years, he's the most productive receiver in the history of the NFL. I mean, look what we did to the Steelers last night. I hate to brag, but Jesus Christ. Brady looks like he's 11 this year. What is he, the Dick Clark of fucking quarterbacks? But we have Antonio. Is that his name, Antonio Brown?

He's Italian, apparently. Brown threw a motherfucker face. Yes. Now that Antonio Brown may have concluded with his release from the Raiders and quick decision to sign with the Patriots, reports suggest social media consultants helped facilitate his antics that led him reach free agency. Really? What the hell's going on out here?

Antonio Brown during the week actually sought advice from social media consultants on how he could accelerate his release. He talked to Justin Bieber, to Kylie Jenner, and to, I don't know. Anyways, Chris Mortensen reported that. This all started with him releasing the letter from Mike Maycock that he was being fined. He put that out on social media, which led to the confrontation with Maycock, the Raiders' general manager. After speaking with consultants, his first plan of action was posting his Instagram story this past Wednesday showing a letter from Mayock

detailing how the receiver was fined roughly $14 large for skipping the team's walkthrough on August 22nd. Following the letter post, he uploaded a professional-level video shot with the help of Janet Jackson and her people on YouTube that seemed to include a

recorded conversation with the Raiders coach. Was that real or not? Chase, did they ever find out? I am not sure. I don't know. Because somebody was joking.

They thought it was Frank Caliendo or whatever. Anyways, he had a conversation on the phone with John Gruden, which he put out there in the video's description. Brown wrote, I am Antonio Brown. Oh, this is,

this is, this is why he's a little nuts. I am Antonio Brown. Oh, this is why he's a little nuts. I am Antonio Brown, the person who paved a way for himself to be in charge of his own life. Free me. Again, implying slavery. That's all implied. If you don't know that's the subtext, you're just retarded. Okay? But free me. Yes, you made your own path in life, but you have to be an adult to realize when the Raiders or the Pittsburgh Steelers pay you zillions of dollars, you have to follow the rules, okay? As much as I love it, I would fucking kill to be a fly on the wall

when Belichick sits him down and goes, listen, stupid. He did it with Randy Moss. He's done it with a bunch of head cases. Josh Gordon looked great last night. But, you know, he's got about a month before he hits the sauce again. But anyways, here's the video of him finding out he was released. This made me laugh. I love this guy, and I hate him at the same time.

Go ahead. Hey, Louse, let me see it. You ever put a shirt on, ever? The Raiders. Free! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!

Let's go! Let's go! His neighbor's gone, Jesus Christ, somebody call the cops. I really got me flying like a free! Flying like an eagle! Let's go! Negative body fat. Free! let's go negative body fat let's go oh I'm free

look he's gonna call his grandma he's free oh like he just busted out of the plantation in Oakland grandma they free me they free me grandma I told you my wife oh god it's the greatest it's

no shirt on ripped millions of millions of dollars and i think he's staying i heard today staying at tom brady's mansion what a world we live in folk this thing's it's cracking is that right there? All right. As long as I'm deaf and can't hear myself. That's not important. Aye, aye, aye. Anyways, he's free, all right. And, oh, my God.

What are the Miami Dolphins thinking right now? They were beat 59-10 by that powerhouse, the Baltimore Ravens. And they get, oh, my God. They get the Patriots coming to town with Antonio Brown, who couldn't play last night, obviously. But, oh, my God, they got the Patriots coming to town with Antonio Brown, who couldn't play last night, obviously. But, oh, my God. And it's about time Brady got one of these. Because if you look, he's never had, except for Randy Mars,

he never has a trio of a bunch of, now he's got a shitload. He's got a shitload of them. Super Chat, who is it, Giselle? Yeah, we got a bunch. In a nutshell said, been a fan since Born This Way. Wow, that's a long time ago. And he asked that you Google Kamala Harris' campaign slogan, For the People. Why do I have to Google it?

You just told me it. For what people? I just quote the super chat. I'm not saying you. Go ahead, next. Okay, I'll get right on that. For the people. For all the black and brown people and females go ahead our regular uh patreon subscriber joshua roberts said show is an oasis in a world of leftist retards glad you are back

amen what was his name jason joshua roberts joshua roberts laying it down beautifully it is an oasis i'm gonna use that i'll put that on a t-shirt if i can spell oasis i'll make a million uh tom crusoe from montreal i might have pronounced it wrong yeah you probably did shithead get back to midas muffler he said love you from retired veteran cop love the cops thank you for your service what was his name tom that is tom crusoe or cros. Okay, Tom from whatever. And obviously a mistake said the last Hitler convicted of being a pedo. Or I was assuming maybe Biden or Epstein. I wasn't sure.

Pedo is pedophile. The last Hitler. I don't understand that. What's Epstein got to do with Hitler? And okay. How much did I make of that one? 50 cents? It was like 40.

Like I said, he makes a good point. The last pedo was Epstein. Bye. No, thank you, guys. Keep the super chats coming. Seriously. Because I need a pair of shoes like Rich's. It's like a night watchman at the fucking One Potato 2 at the mall. That's it for today.

All I know is Antonio Brown got some good advice from those consultants. I ought to tap into them myself. You think I'm smart? Not like everybody says. Like, don't. I'm smart, and I want respect. That is it for today, folks. Again, breath of fresh air is out there.

4,000 a day. It's picked up speed again. It's picked up speed. We've added up to 84,000 YouTube subscribers. We've added 70,000 in the last, I don't know, six months. Get on the DePaulo train. Tell your friends about it. Spread this stuff throughout Facebook.

It's happening. It's happening. It really is. And I couldn't be more delicious. I really do love you. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern, but a temple. but a temple.

I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. I wish I had cables that would shoot me like Liberace.

That is it. Don't forget Cameo.com. If you want me to send a personal video to you, what are your friends or enemies roasting them, I'd be glad to do it. It's a lot of fun. Pays, but I still have fun talking mean into my phone. Do it all the time.

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