The Nick DiPaolo Show - Joe Grabs Some Zzzz's | Nick Di Paolo Show #1294

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Biden Talks in Sleep. Defund Cops Counselmember Mad at Police. White Woman Shoplifts, Gets Arrested. Monet's Mashed Potatoes. Dumb & Dahmer.

Please take a moment and share today's show with someone who appreciates free speech and great comedy and who also hates Biden and these useless lib... ...pics. Outro Music Keep it rolling. Keep it rolling. Oh, God, help me. Now go home and get your fucking shine box. I just got here. It's Monday morning.

Relax. How dare you, Billy Bats. You'll get yours. How you doing, folks? Monday. Fuck it. That's all I got to say. Monday.

Not that this is like heavy lifting, but who decided we have to spend weeks doing this? White people, that who be. So one thing I do agree with black people when they say, well, white people invented time, which is racist because you know how we spend it. I kind of agree. Whatever. Okay. The point being, real quick uh sports of you real quick uh

phillies uh in the world series they eliminated the padres yankees got swept as a red sox fan yes my prick is very hard uh swept out by the best team of baseball right now. I'll tell you that much. The Astros are scary good. I mean, defense, bullpen, starting pitching, timely hitting, tight asses on the third baseman. I'm telling you, what? No, they are scary good. And let me tell you, man, Phillies ain't nothing to sneeze at either. They seem to have that scent of destiny this year.

Bryce Harper comes up, big situation. All the money, all the buildup, his whole career. He does what he's supposed to do. He's hitting 400 and something. He's got like four homers or whatever. They got this Astros. They got this guy, Pena, rookie. He's the MVP of the ALCS.

I mean, they are loaded. Where are these guys coming? Where are all these Hispanic? Every team has 11 giant Dominicans or Cubans or Puerto Ricans that come in. They throw frigging lasers. And it's so fun, man. I just, I'm just at fault. Too much sports.

You'd be embarrassed how much and how late I stayed up just eating it up like I've never seen it before. It's really fucking I don't know. I guess I could be doing drugs and shit. That's not the worst vice. Anyways. Yeah, so that'll be a decent World Series and my Bruins

are off to a good start and they're missing all their superstars and basketball who gives a fuck. NBA. and my Bruins are off to a good start and they're missing all their superstars. And basketball, who gives a fuck? NBA. And the NFL, blah, blah, whatever. I don't know what the big story was this week. I can't even really think about anything. I have, what, seven right going into the night.

Nothing to brag about. All right, let's get on with the stupid stories, right? Go home and pretend, I don't know, I want to be home. Talking in his sleep. Wasn't that a song in the 80s? Yes, it was. Bill, Bill, Bill Biden, our new president. President Joe Biden drew criticism from social media. Who doesn't draw criticism? You could save a premature baby from a fire they'd be booing you because you were too rough and they'd be why was a premature baby in the house anyway she'd be at the hospital oh you pulled the wires out of his chest so what uh drew criticism from social media

after responding with a long i see this is on Yahoo News. Can I just... Once again, it's... News with Nick is what we... How to read the news. This is Yahoo News, and I chose it specifically. I got to take it from nine other platforms or whatever. Everybody else said he took a little nap,

but not Yahoo News. Responded with a long pause. Like Mrs. Von Bulow had a long pause in the 80s when her husband put her into a coma for like five years. He fell asleep. Was it a long pause?

The guy interviewing him had to go, hey, stupid. A long pause when asked in an interview if First Lady, and of course the idiot interviewer says doctor, First Lady Jill Biden would support him running for office again in 2024. Here's the clip. I have not made that formal decision, but it's my intention. My intention to run again. And we have time to that formal decision, but it's my intention. My intention to run again.

And we have time to make that decision. Dr. Biden is for it. Mr. President. Dr. Biden thinks that my wife thinks that we're doing something very. Now he sounds like he just woke up. You've done that, right? You had your wife or girlfriend talk to you and you heard the last word they said.

So you just repeat it. When he came to him, he goes, Dr. Biden, because that's the last thing he heard. And now he's fighting for wherever he was. I mean, it's funny, but it's not. I mean, what, this doesn't send the best signals. I can't believe China's not knocking on, well, they are. I can't believe they're not here yet. And Russia and everybody else. Because they know this, this, how can the Dr. Jill, if you're a real doctor, which you're not, wouldn't you step in and stop the fight at this point?

Are you really enjoying all the perks of being a first lady, you dummy? Guy had a mini stroke, for Christ's sake. Go ahead. Quirk. Sorry. The guy interviewing was like, Come on, God damn it. Come on, let's go, Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

The guy asked, I blew it, but the guy asked, Dr. Biden is for it? Jonathan Capehart asked. That's what's funny about it. He's asking about the 2024 run. This was on Friday. And he looked down at the pause and looked at the floor.

What are you kidding me? He had too many strokes. So, you know, I can't believe. I want you guys to think about this for a second. The stink they were making about Trump not being fit. So where are the Republicans?

Why haven't they been on it since he got in office on day one? Bringing up the 20, I guess because they don't control the House and the Senate. But just, you should be on tv every day with this guy doesn't matter though is that how it works he could be shitting his pants which he did remember in front of the queen or some somebody over there some british i say that i smell shit he's dead man he's gone and we couldn't do nothing about it i I know it. Also, Rep. Claudia Tenney, she's a Republican from New York.

Didn't know there was such a thing. Joined Sunday Morning Futures. That's a great show. That's the money babe, Bartiromo. What's her name, Maria? Who's a, you know, she was good looking, broad-necked, but the voice. She's got the voice. It's like somebody's stick

putting cigarettes out on the head of your dick and then squirting Tabasco on it. Honestly, God, I put it on sometimes because my wife goes nuts when she hears a woman's. Andy will be trying to read, like, fuck the one room over and I'll put on Futures and just crank

it up. Anyways, discuss Biden's cognitive abilities, Mrs. Tenney was. After his latest sit-down interview, had some critics wondering about his ability to, wondering? This is him right now being very excited. Tenney warned that the question is serious, arguing that he's not competent enough to be the president. Are you just coming around to this conclusion now, Ms. Tenney?

You dumb bitch. Excuse me, lady. Lady, hello? United States after appearing to zone out during the MSNBC interview. And she says, I really, I joined on a letter with Congressman Randy Jackson. I didn't know he was... About making him subject to a cognitive test. Did you really? You did, huh? Oh, those letters,

man. They're so scary. You coming around to it now, though? This is serious stuff. Yeah, it is. Should have been done on day one, you dumb bat. We've got enemies around the world. Yeah, you're part of it. How about that? I kill you. I kill you right now.

Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Talk to me in the face. That's my new thing now. And I fight with a wife. Don't do it, y'all over there. Talk to me in the face. You've been interviewing tremendous people about China.

About what's happening in the war in Europe, which is unprecedented. We've got to start looking into whether Joe Biden is actually capable of being the president. I think he's not. Boy, you must be a real detective. I think we should consider all of these avenues. That's terrific, Mrs. Ten. You're dumber than he is, fucking Republicans.

No more. No more. But he nod No more. No more. But he nodded off for a second. How's he doing it? You almost have to give him a little credit. They must drug him up. Hunter must be sending him shit in the mail. Little note. Hey, Pops, try this.

I snorted off a black chick's tits last night. Sent me through the roof. This will get you through the State of the Union. Joe's up there. Come on, man. Come on, man. For you people that are listening, which is almost all he is. I'm doing a coke rub my teeth thing.

Anyways, let's move on to socialist poo-poo police response. What I meant was the socialist poo-poo is the police's response to her. Yeah, socialists. Am I supposed to get upset about this? Bags of poop have been thrown at the home of socialist Seattle council member. Like, not like all the members of Seattle council members, not socialists. Kashama Sawant. There she is.

Her mouth in the perfect position for me to stick my... my thumb in. I don't want to get... Look at this. This was probably taken two days ago. Dunn brought next to her the mask on. You people are insane.

And that goes for anybody still wearing a mask. I don't give a fuck if you got bone cancer, you faggots. Stop it. Even though most of yous don't. That's the mask. I don't give a fuck if you got bone cancer, you faggots. Stop it. Even though most of yous don't. That's the point. I go to the goddamn supermarket. What is it about the supermarket that brings out masks? Fresh produce?

The bell peppers carrying some type of COVID? Everybody's fucking, it looks like two years ago in there. And I just want to choke you. You're keeping the myth alive. You like being pushed around. Anyways. Despite leading efforts to def... That's the only woman in the country, by the way, that could have her mouth like that.

I wouldn't put my finger in it. Because of her politics. That's horrible. Despite leading efforts to defund the city's police department, in 2020, Sond is saying police are dragging their feet on finding the culprit who's thrown poop on her porch.

Do you believe the balls on this fucking thing? You fucking hypocrite. Oh, absolutely, Carmela. Conservative commentator Jason Rantz initially reported that sawant demanded that police post officers outside her. Who are you to demand anything from the police? Take that finger, you get up there and stick it down your throat. Throw up your fucking

tofu fucking pizza. Post office outside her. She wanted offices posted outside her home from 5 p.m. to 10. And you guys would pay for that, right? Until the suspect is arrested, according to multiple sources who spoke to Rance on the condition

of anonymity. Where do you get the balls, as they say in New York? Where do you get your balls? Rance added that Sollent's request came as the department is, quote, unquote, dangerously understaffed, thanks to her efforts to defund and dismantle the department since 2020. The Seattle Police Department has lost 135 officers this year alone, nearly 500 since 2020, and cannot meet staffing minimums across any precinct. Okay, can you imagine? She does that and has the balls to say, you guys are dragging your feet. She's a malignant cunt. Hey, take it easy. Okay, I agree.

the balls to say, you guys are dragging your feet. She's a malignant cunt. Hey, take it easy. Okay, I agree. Soon, KCPQ-TV reported that Sawant wrote a letter. What does that mean? Soon? It starts with soon. KCPQ-TV reported that

Sawant wrote a letter to officials claiming Seattle police are failing to investigate. Who threw bags of human, oh, it's human. It says human into her yard, not human poop. Bags of humans, no. Bags of human poop into her yard six times. Most recently on October 13th. So what the cops do, they have to can enable, knock on doors and say, we have to check for Metamucil. Do you mind we come in?

She added that one of these incidents was followed by a threatening email sent to her city council office, the station said, calling her the queen of shit. My high school girlfriend's nickname. Oh, come on, folks. She had a laxative to brum. And saying, you can sit on your throne of human excrement. What kind of criminal is this?

German? I don't know. I love it, though. For once, it's somebody on the right pushing back. It feels kind of good, don't it? You should have pinned her down and jammed it down her throat. Saw when a member of socialist alternative suspects the attacks are politically...

You don't say. Politically motivated. You hear how dim-witted she is? You'd think. Politically motivated. How's it feel feel because you don't have a problem i don't hear you speaking out when uh you know they're burning down fucking uh you know churches and or swatting marjorie teller green there you go good one swatting

mgt exactly i didn't hear you speaking out keep your mouth like that somebody will stick it in it fucking frosty the snowman she also claimed police have been dragging their feet closing the investigation. Oh, they're just not moving fast enough. Tuesday, just five days after it began, the station said, saw aunt added that after one bag of poop was thrown on her lawn, she thinks it's poop, she said that's what it tasted like, a police officer allegedly asked her husband, the cop says to her husband, what do you expect us to do? Exactly.

You're lucky they even showed up at all. Something wrong with something there is. It's a mental illness. I used to to laugh at that but that is no joke how do you spell illness anyways uh yeah that's absolutely uh very seattle-like isn't it what is it about that and i know there's you know marxists on both coasts, but West Coast stupid is a different breed. It really is. I mean, that's the, can you imagine Gavin Newsom, right, running the, that state has been running to the ground under his watch. It is a, whether you're talking about crime, and he's like, you know what, I'm doing so good, I'm going to run for president.

That's how much they hate this country. They won't be happy until the rest of the country, and it's on its way to looking like California, you know, where every other person is from a country you've never even heard of, sucking off the social teat of the safety nets and draining you of all your money. And you know how many people left New York than any state? They said right now,

I don't believe there are 112 people left in the whole state. It's a true story, man. Yeah. They were all at Colin Quinn's apartment. Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of year where you head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It is getting

chilly up north there, I hear. And it's another way for you to support this show and you look good at the same time. Maybe put on some fake tits, a wig, and pretend you're a shop teacher in Canada. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the NICA shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com and click on store. Everything must go. Thank you guys very, very much. Baseball been very, very good to me.

There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time. Wow, moving right along in our RTR segment. That would be, you know, reverse the races. A Michigan woman being charged after allegedly stealing items from a Walmart by not scanning all of her items at the self-checkout. Now, I know you guys are going, Nick, who gives a shit? Why would you report that in a world where people are being thrown in front of subways

and dismembered and put in suitcases and whatever. Machete attacks in New York. By the way, more guy, another person thrown in front of a side. Actually, the train wasn't coming this time, but there's a guy just walking, minding his own business. Some black dude comes running out, blindsides

him. No reason. Right on to the friggin'... They opened the doors to the nuthouse in every city and said, go get him. No medication. Let's see what happens. Anyways, she didn't, uh, she wasn't scanning all her items at the checkout.

You know, I don't even have enough confidence to do the self-checkout because I always have, like, produce and shit and I always got a, you know, I always have, like, produce and shit. I always got a, you know, I got an eggplant with no sticker on it. And you're supposed to... The girls show me once. Oh, then you...

What the fuck? I don't work here. You know what I mean? Oh, then you go to vegetables, and you look at this. No, I don't. You do. I go to the... I always go to the man... Because I enjoy the little retarded kids' bag of my shit. I look at them. No, I don't. You do. I go to the... I always go to the man... Because I enjoy the little retarded kids

bagging my shit. I look at them and I go, is that what you do for a living? No. I told this one girl at Publix that makes me cry. I don't pick her intentionally, but I've got to... And I get a lump in my... They just, you know... I'm not... I'm glad, you know... I'm not...

I'm glad they're out. I'm glad they're mainstream and shit. Don't put them behind the register. The bags is fine. Don't put them... I ain't got time for a guy to be eating a coupon I give. Because it smelled like cereal.

Police say 34-year-old Teddy Jo Marie... Fliam. Look at that. Oh, what is she shoplifting there? She's got a spool of licorice on her head. Straight out of a Dr. Seuss book. It really is.

Kind of a pretty face, actually. But why am I telling you about her, right, Teddy Jo? Because she's not black. And that's why she's getting prosecuted. What do you mean, Nick mean Nick well I don't know haven't you and I been watching for the last couple years hundreds of black people walking out of

CBS in every major city with all kinds of shit as a security card fucking eggs them on and doesn't do anything or is it me so why can't she do that and I'm dead fucking serious so we have laws, it's official for one segment of the population. That's why I'm talking about that. I thought, get

a nice face. This young listener's going, what are you fucking? Teddy Joe Marie Philham was using the self-checkout at an Alpena county walmart when when loss prevention workers see what they do with the words that's where the coward is lost prevention that means stolen books people who stopped you from stealing i get if you're white or anything else it's also another word for security because they don't they don't security sounds too aggressive so they call it loss prevention yeah that's my point exactly loss loss prevention. Oh, it wasn't stolen, it was laws. Well, I found it, right in aisle six, right where I wanted it to be. Loss prevention workers notice, she wasn't, they know she wasn't scanning every item. I used to put

it on my body and try to get laughs and They have no sense of humor, the black chicks at work. They go, what you doing? Excuse me. Flee them. Flee them. Fly them. Became agitated and denied she was skipping items. And again, I'm not condoning her behavior either.

I'm just saying. Enforce the law equally, all right? saying. Enforce the law equally, all right? When confronted by a loss prevention worker and let the store, according, whatever, according to report from Fox 2. So she left the store with her shit and said, you know, again, that's all I wanted to say, but that's why I showed it. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. No, no, no. The incident caused the store to review its surveillance footage. I didn't really. Which showed, uh, Flem had stolen more than a thousand dollars of merchandise by not scanning it from the Walmart since April. Good for her. Good for her. And then the security, I mean, the loss prevention

guys are like, Hey, where are the white women at? Yeah, exactly. Come on, honey. She looks She don't look homeless. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. Anyways, Flaim was arrested at her Alpena home last month and is charged

with murder by the FBI with first-degree retail fraud. Now, what is second-degree if you're at like TJ Maxx, discounted? You stole a regular underwear and one boot. The Alpena County Walmart loss prevention team has recently begun to crack down on thefts by white people at the self-checkout. I'll just throw that in there.

It's not in there. I'm putting it in there. With Michigan State Police recording two similar incidents in which people were arrested after swapping barcodes while checking out items. That sounds like an inside joke. You're not. You're not. You're not. They'd let you go.

They'd help you carry your shit to your stolen Escalade. Whoop. Sorry. Didn't mean to say that. What's the matter, lady? But that's the main point of the story. How dare you? Walmart began using artificial intelligence

when they hired the first retard. That's fake intelligence. Are you intelligent? No, kind of. To crack down on self-checkout thefts in 2019, using cameras to make sure every item that has been bagged was scanned. See, I don't want to be on camera anymore. But, again, I hope that's the reaction you guys, if you read this story, because this is what we've been watching, right, for the last couple years and not a cop in sight. ...a swarm of looters snatching as much as they can. How many people are there? There's no people, just savages.

What? Look at all the cops moving in, huh? Meanwhile, this broad's trying to get away with a couple of blocks as a tampon. I don't like it. I don't like this. Justice is supposed to be blind. You understand me? Apparently it is. I didn't see anybody stealing in there. That doesn't even, I don't know. Have I ever lifted anything? I can't think of any. I distracted a kid so he could lift some

shit once behind the counter because we had run out of cash. Quick story. You guys know that I was a door-to-door salesman right after college, and I was with this guy, Dean Green. Let's call him Green. Deany Dane Green. And he was training me, and he was an old pro. He was a great salesman. Not old.

He was, like, right out of college. But anyways, so we went to George Foster, who just signed the biggest contract in baseball. And Dean sold his wife like 50 boxes of food a year prior. She took the whole truck. Guy at that point was the biggest. So we pull up to the house and he's like, I'm afraid to go up there because he marked up each box. I don't know how much, but ridiculous.

And so we sat outside her house on the street for about an hour before he got the ball stirring that threw him. She opens the door. She goes, it's the meat man. Come on in. Bring in all the shit. She takes it all. Long story short, she gives us cash, gives us tickets to the whatever game it was.

I think it was Foster or Met at one point. I think so. We went to the Mets game anyways. But, you know, then after the Mets game, we went to Titty Bar. But next thing you know, we're out of... Spent everything. Everything. We had checks, you know, that we couldn't.

So first of all, Dean comes up to a toll booth, and we didn't even have money to fuck in the toll booth. So he goes up on the frigging grass, and the media goes around him. And nobody even does anything. I'm like, what are you, I see like mud flying behind us, out the back, you know, like mud flying behind us out the back that we're in a you know like a fucking mini pickup truck and yeah so then we were starving

and we went into this store and I went to the we planned it beforehand this is horrible who might have talked to anybody but I went up to the guy started bullshit with it for how much is that but you got you got raises you know me then you know Dean was back there.

He stuffed a couple of the pre-made subs under his coat and went like, ah, fuck it. They don't have what we need. And anyways, that was that. Made it home, though. Monet's mashed potatoes. This is going to frost your nipples, I'm hoping. Nobody's crazier. And this has been true since I was a kid,

than the eco-environmental fucking nutbags. They've been known to actually use terrorism. I mean, you know, blow up ships that are fishing. They think, you know, overfishing and, you know, burn places down. And they're fucking nuts. They really are. This isn't quite that bad. But didn't I report last week them throwing something on a painting?

Did I do that story on the air? Yeah, tomato soup on a Van Gogh or who else? Fucking Michelangelo or Kevin James. I don't know who did the painting. Actually, it was Tommy's mother. No more religious paintings, ma. Anyways, Monet's mashed potatoes. What? The ongoing trend of climate activists, fucking nutbags, desecrating priceless works of art. What's the connection? I don't even. what's the connection?

I don't even, continued in Germany when a pair of young protesters doused a Monet painting in mashed potatoes. I'm more bothered about wasting the potatoes. The Monet thing, you know. I think I have a solution, guys.

You put it in glass, you know, unbreakable glass, whatever the fuck, and shoot people that try shit like that. There you go. Case solved. Nick, that's very medieval.able glass, whatever the fuck. And shoot people that try shit like that. There you go. Case solved. Nick, that's very medieval.

I don't give a fuck. The incident occurred on Sunday at the museum of Barberini in Potsdam. Barberini? I can paint, too. In Potsdam, Germany, when two members of the group, too. In Potsdam, Germany, when two members of the group, Letzitz Generation, Last Generation, doused Claude Monet's Les Mules painting in mashed potatoes before gluing themselves to the wall. What's that, a permanent timeout? The 130-year-old painting is reportedly worth $111 million. Is that the painting before the potatoes?

Yeah? And who's that next to it? It looks like... I don't know. I can't even come up with anything. It looks like my dad, actually, with a big honker. Anyways, let's take a look at the friggin'... these idiots.

Tell me, what would you do if you were there? You wouldn't... Oh, my God. I'm not, you know... Go ahead. These idiots. Tell me, what would you do if you were there? You wouldn't. Oh, my God. I'm not, you know. Go ahead. Pause. First of all, somebody can't cook.

If those are potatoes, will you fucking drink them with a crazy straw? They're a little loose, honey. What the fuck are you talking about? You just threw mustard on it. That is... Look, orange vest. Is that two girls, by the way? Because I know the girl's going to

talk. That's one dude, one girl. Oh, it's a dude? Which one's the dude? The one on the right. That's a dude on the right? Nice bun. Fucking Europe. What a faggy fucking place. Anyways, let's listen to what goes on. This is some very, you know, I'll tell you, what do they say? Germany really is the romantic language. It sounds so good. I'll read it. His captions.

Pause. People are starving. People are freezing. People are dying. Hopefully it's you and your mother. Go ahead. We are in climate catastrophe. And all of you Jews are to blame. No. And all of you Jews are to blame. No. And all of you are afraid of... And all you're afraid of is tomato soup? Because that's what they threw on the last painting. Go ahead. Or mashed potatoes on a painting. I'd say to her, I'd go, what are the specials today?

You know what I'm afraid of? Somebody says, I'm afraid because science tells us that we won't be able to feed our families in 2050. Is that right? Nobody's

going to fuck you. Nobody's going to fuck you. Translation. Tomorrow we show up with cream of broccoli and we hit a Michelangelo. Hates juice. Hates juice. She sure do. That's potatoes?

Dallas, that's not potatoes. No, it's something you drink. I'll tell you what it is. It's drawn butter. Get it? Drawn? Oh, shut up, you French whore. Fortunately, the painting sustained no permanent.

Really? Yeah, they're all behind glass. Yeah, I guess. Why don't you break the glass first, you idiots? Fortunately, the painting sustained no permanent damage, and a museum official told Dr. Dr. It's Der Spiegel. I said doctor.

Der Tag Spiegel, that the activists were unsealed from the wall relatively quickly. You idiots. When you're supposed to use on... Gorilla glue. While I understand the activists' urgent concern in the face of the climate catastrophe, do you really? So I'm almost glad they did it, if you believe it too, whoever's talking. I am shocked by the me, by the, I'm not saying we don't have a little bit of a problem, but not, it's a con to overthrow the fucking change our way of living. Shocked by the means with which they are trying to lend weight to their demands. Yeah, 12 ounces at a time.

Museum director Otrud Westenfeigens said. They don't know. They can't see me reading. Brandenburg Green Party leader Ursula Nonmacher even condemned the protest on Twitter. The fight against climate crisis is not strengthened by attacks on famous paintings, you idiot. On the contrary, Hogan, we need broad social consensus. I agree, she tweeted, and then put a gun in her mouth and did everybody a favor.

The protest follows a similar incident in London, England, where two climate extremists from Just Stop Oil doused Van Gogh's sunflowers in an iced clam sauce. No, in tomato soup. That painting's worth 85 mil. I'm almost, now I get mixed feelings. You guys all saw Wall Street, I'm sure. Remember, he explains how art, it's worth nothing. It's what people say, right? It almost makes me not mind what happened. I'm confused. Anyways, I'm going to go.

How do I get back at him? Where's a place? Dallas, you know this town. Where's a place with some paintings? I mean, a lot of historical shit. Telfer Museum. Telfer, that's right.

Andy brought that up. And while I'm heading down there, you can come with me and film it. I'm bringing my, you know what, I'm bringing a bourgeois cook. Make a pizza and just do it.

Yeah, yeah. I couldn't waste my pizza. Okay, I'll make a shitty pizza. Yes. Yes. We'll just do it. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't waste my pizza. Okay, I'll make a shitty pizza. Yes, yes. We'll just drill it. The painting valued at 80. I'll go, is this a Van Gogh? And the guy goes, it's a fucking Henry Hill.

Henry Hill. I actually have a painting he did. The painting valued at 85 million also sustained no permanent damage. They're losing their minds. It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy. And you can project it back on me. I didn't teach

your children. Hey, make plans to come and see me in the loony bin as soon as my career's over. See me on the road. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates in hotel rooms. What? Get a look at it. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club,

West Palm Beach, Florida. The next night, November 12th, Snappers Comedy Club, Fort Myers, God bless them, they survived. Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club in Tampa. Friday, January 13th, and Saturday, January 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. Friday,

February 3rd and Saturday, the 4th, the Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. Friday, March the 11th, Saturday, I guess Tommy didn't believe me when I said I'm retiring. 11th and 12th of March, the Comedy Club of Kansas City in Kansas City, Missouri. You can get tickets to all these shows at Nick, Dip, Adora, Akama, Akaya. Finally tonight? No? Nope, we got a couple more. Ah, no, I'm going by the time. Fuck that.

Anyways, Dumb and Dumber. Hey, good one, Nick. I was going to go Greg and Dmer, but these kids are too. The extraordinarily popular Netflix series Monster, the Jeffrey Dahmer slash Nick DePaul story. All of a sudden, Dahmer's a fucking Calvin Klein model now. He was fucking Brad Pitt when he was 21. I would have blown him.

See, you're going to cut my head off? I don't give a shit. You're ripped. Jeffrey Dahmer's story has spawned a number of online controversies. Now, unsurprisingly, another controversy has arisen. The increase. Boy, this is such a controversy and a real,

got a real problem. In popularity, the increase of Jeffrey Dahmer Halloween costumes. Oh, my God. That's a little Asian boy that he was chasing out of his house. At least one online retailer auction site, eBay, has announced that they will not accept listings for Jeffrey Dahmer costumes any longer. Do you feel good about yourself, eBay? Do you really, you dumb fucks? What's the difference between that and the end of the Friday the 13th mask and you're

going to go well this guy was real it doesn't matter he doesn't exist anymore neither does and the other thing isn't real so was Richard Nixon but they still sell those masks there's a good point and you remember what he did to little kids let me just say this I'll bite your prick off

you either suck my dick or I'll kill you right here I tried to shoot some acid into their head I drilled holes doesn't even look like Jeffrey Dup and no young kids, people who are young enough to trick or treat don't even, they're going to go he looks like a kid I went to school I go to school with other than the orange suit no one's, they're going to be Batman and all the other shit, right?

I'm just saying, is it really a big problem? Again, it's virtue signaling. It's insensitive to the people who got eaten. Really? What kind of mass have we had over the, Christ sake, I want as Charlie Manson for about 10 years. In a statement announcing the decision, eBay said, we're great and morally smart. You suck.

Stated that it would not permit listings, listen to this, that promote or glorify violence or violent acts. If I went as a hockey player, it would be promoting violence because they fight. What are you talking about? In all these movies,

these slasher movies, it's three hours of promoting violence. Safety and security. Well, yeah, again, once again, under the guise of, oh, we don't want to, you can't make a childproof world, you fucking idiots.

Do you understand? Or a risk-free world. I'm so tired. You know when it really hit home? I'm watching the NFL game. Somebody get nailed with a good hit. They put the camera aside, and there's like two guys and like two women doctors watching the hit to make sure the guy didn't have a concussion.

I go, that's. Anyways, I digress. Listings that promote or glorify violent acts, which's... Anyways, I digress. Listings that promote or glorify violent acts, which, you know, which is every good costume out there, includes costumes

of individuals who are notorious committing acts of violence. What the... That's faggot stuff. You want a court by its name, that's strictly for fags. That's what I'm going as,

by the way. Many have criticized the show's portrayal of Dharma as insensitive to the victims and their families. Oh, poor you. So let's take the fun away from everybody for everything. I am what in God's name?

What a weird way to destroy a country with your grandmother's attitudes, who are apparently not consulted. The victims of Dharma were not consulted prior to the release of this year. Well, I'm sorry. So what am I supposed to believe I sat down said so when he bit your son's prick off you think it hurt you do so I can't dress like that Dahmer is known to have murdered and dismembered at least 17 men and boys you see how they were dressed? During the period from 78 through 1991. Dahmer was caught when one of his intended victims, Tracy Edwards,

managed to escape and inform the police. Dahmer confessed to the killings as well as having dismembered, sexually assaulted, and eaten some of his dead victims. Delicious. Thank you. That was an old lady he was eating. Eating her plastic victims. Thank you. That was an old lady he was eating. Eating her plastic hips. Thank you.

She was still alive. Dama was sentenced to life in prison in 92. Was beaten to death two years later. That must have stung. All right, go to the guy who beat him to death. Ow, ow, ow, ow, stop, ow, stop, ow, ow. Stop. Oh, my God, help us.

Should I squeeze this one in? That's what she said. No, let's, it's better to keep it tight. We'll do it tomorrow. Right? Absolutely. And that's what he said. And that's, oh, my God, We'll do it tomorrow. Right? Absolutely. And that's what he said. And that's, oh my God,

what kind of weekend did you have? Hey, Lederhosen. How was that? Anyways, he went up to Helen again with his girlfriend. Yeah, that was awesome. It was chilly, so it was perfect fall weather

and then we just camped out in the fucking middle of the forest. See that, folks? You believe that? I tried that shit once and a raccoon pissed on my wife so we kept going back anyway that's it uh that's all i got for today uh again if you're a sports fan uh what a time to be alive if you're not uh enjoy fucking each other in the face what what does that even mean i don't know don't forget cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative. Go to Cameo.com.

Click on my profile. It'll tell you how to do it. It's a lot of fun. Anything else? Nothing? You guys think it. I'll say it. You can say it and I'll think it. However it works. But keep watching. Spread the word. We'll see you back

here at the same time tomorrow. Have a great dayほら guitar solo Outro Music