The Nick DiPaolo Show - Judge Engoron A Scumbag | Nick Di Paolo Show #1528

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trump's ridiculous fines, Blinken's Marxism and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Wow, wow Wow, wow Wow, wow Wow, wow Wow, wow Wow, wow Wow, wow Wow, wow Watch your fat fucking mouth I didn't say nothing

It's late in the evening She's wondering what clothes to wear. She's making me late for the game. Punched her in the head. Listen, I'm going to rewrite that song. I've been saying this for years, how it really would go down. Will you wait and be a wife to get ready? And it's a gun play.

You missed the first quarter of the Super Bowl. There's lawyers. What a different song. Hi, kids. How you doing? Welcome to the show. Great to be with you. It's Tuesday. I don't know why it feels later in the week to me. Anyways, hey, did you catch Jesse last night? He actually had me as the first guest, which surprised the hell out of me to have a comic on first. Makes me like him even more. And he gave me more time. What's funny, because I hadn't heard from him in a couple weeks, which I don't mind because, you know, whatever.

So I'm like, maybe, you know, because I saw Adam Carolla on there. I go, oh, he does a lot of this stuff, so maybe he's replaced me with Carolla. And then they call me and give me a nice slot. So thank you, Jesse Waters. And him and Godfellow Fox, they're regular guys. I've yet to meet Jesse, but I know from listening to him. You know what I mean? He's a fucking Eagles fan and apparently got a smoking wife.

He replaced, got a newer model. And he's a guy. Anyways, got to love it. That's right. I like people who like me. It's a really weird combination. It's a guy. Anyways, got to love it. That's right. I like people who like me. It's a really weird combination. It's a good combination. Anyways, folks, what else?

What did I do yesterday? Put together a goddamn bar stool I got for, when you play guitar, you can't be sitting in a recliner. You have to be sitting with it. You have to stand in the right posture. That's right. I was wondering why I couldn't do those bar chords. I'm like this with my legs up. And, you know, so I ordered this.

It's an actual bar stool, but a pivot. You know, I had to put it together. And I'd say a guy with any mechanical inclination could have done it in 10 minutes. It took me about an hour and five. You know how they give you the cheesy Allen wrench and, you know, it was made in China. Apparently they have fingers this big. I'm trying to get, you know how they give you the cheesy allen wrench and you know it was made in china fucking apparently they have fingers this big i'm trying to get you know the fucking uh anyways

actually i couldn't believe i sat on it didn't break it it pivots so i can look shitty hitting bad notes here there around here three months bullshit it's well made. Last longer than COVID. Nick, grow up. No, I like doing that. It's very funny when people go, I'm a young guy. Anyhow, let's get to it. Fuck it. Here's a guy who loves what he does.

Let's get it over with. I actually do like this, folks is what i've replaced stand-up with for the last few months anyways say what is the first story say what former president donald trump must pay nearly a half a billion with a b dollars as a bond to New York State before he can appeal the ruling by Judge cocksucker Arthur Engern last week that he must pay 354 million in fines and over 450 million with interest for fraud, which we all know is a fraud in itself and a bunch of shit because it's unprecedented. You guys all know the story. And Trump's just looking at him like, Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you.

That doesn't help you, Case. Critics have noted that Trump is the only person ever to be sued under an obscure New York fraud statute that does not require any harm be done. Well, how the fuck is it a statute? That's the first sign the government's gone too far. And this has been on the books. Anyways, that does not require any harm to be done. In other words, you did nothing wrong,

but we're going to whack you anyways. And that effectively criminalizes the everyday practice of real estate valuations in negotiations with fucking banks. It's just so ridiculous. And I, look, I don't know anything about buying and selling. So I, you know, when this came out, I read a little bit. And that's how it's done. When you buy and sell buildings, that's how it's done.

The bank, you say, I want to buy, I want to borrow fucking millions of dollars from you. And they're like, well, what do you got in assets? Now me, I'd go, I got a toaster oven, some Bob Dylan CDs, and a nice stove. A nice Viking stove fits three Jews. What? No, the squad said that.

Anyways. And that's what Trump did. And that's what everybody does. that's what everybody does that's how it's done you guys know from anyways even though Attorney General thank you again you wonder why they get rid of affirmative action Letitia James who ran for office what was her promise to target Trump that was her promise before she got into office there's no conflict of interest there. Claim that no one is above the law.

Her case against Trump marks the only such case in the history of the state. Isn't that odd? And the staggering fine is likewise unprecedented. Jonathan Turley, and this guy is on all the channels.

He's a contributor to Fox now because he actually makes sense and dares to cite the Constitution. He's a Georgetown guy, and he plays it right down the middle. He's like Dershowitz. Jonathan Turley points out another astonishing fact at the New York Post. Before he can appeal, Trump must pay the whole fine. Before he can appeal, he has to pay the whole fine. Before he can appeal, he has to pay the whole fine. Under New York law, Trump cannot appeal this ruling without depositing the full amount,

including interest, in a court account. Even for Trump, as Turley says, $455.5 billion, that's hard to come by. Likewise, a bond would require a company to guarantee payment for a defendant who has been barred from doing business in New York and is facing the need to liquidate much of his portfolio. I want you to, I wish I was talking to liberals right now. I wish this was the Colbert audience.

Let that sink in, you fucking, pretend I'm talking to Colbert's people, you fucking jerk-offs. This guy could have retired when he was 40, been playing golf. You understand? Billions in the bank. But no. How much more proof do you know that he's not doing this for that he truly loves the he's put himself through this shit and

has to liquidate half of what he's done his whole life or whatever. Is that enough for you? But no. You're going to tell me Biden's of a higher character. Eat a bag of shit. Now, you guys, I know you're my fans and tell any of your friends that. And I told them that. They're like, who's he? Yeah, greasy giddy. The excessive fine and its basis raise serious statutory and constitutional. I guess the fuck. I'm a moron. And I'm like, that doesn't sound fair. Many of us believe it should be substantially reduced or tossed entirely.

I think that's Turley talking still. Enger and also refused to allow Trump to mount any defense declaring Trump guilty by a summary judgment for the state. Despise it with every fiber of my being. Why is that even allowed? why don't you do that when you catch a guy fucking a kid why don't you do a summary judgment there and go let's hang him tonight well that's not a funny i don't give a i'm saying let's bring back stoning do we have a habit it's a good idea that's all i got to say. But do you believe this shit? Look, so he has to pay that.

Then my question is, I'm guessing if he appeals it and he wins on appeal, he gets the money back, right? Or is that the fucking fee for, like, paying to appeal? I could have looked that up, but WNBA was on last night. I had no time. I like to watch people play seven feet under the rim. By the way, later on we're going to talk about basketball, both the NBA, and was that a high school or college game?

High school. High school game with a transgender person. Transgender woman, which means actually a biological guy, playing against regular chicks who like penises and good stuff. Well, I don't think it's good, but Dallas does. Listen, cocaine. Let's talk about that. I'm losing my mind.

You're supposed to laugh at that. I don't mean you're a fag. You've got a pregnant wife. You're more of a guy than I'll ever be. Anyways, I'm losing my mind. Hey, in the second half of the show, that reminds me. Once again, I'll tell you about California proving it loves Marxism with a capital M with a new gun bill they're trying to pass.

That's even outrageous. I think even Stalin would go, hey, slow it down. Take it easy, California. Also, the aforementioned person I just told you, the trans woman, injuring a bunch of girls to the point where you're not going to believe the story. Let's put it that way. And you're not going to hear it unless you're on Mug Club. So join now to get Mug Club at nickdip.com, please.

Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon.

Excuse me. Did you guys know if I don't watch myself on TV a lot of times, I'll wait a couple weeks. Head's shining. I didn't powder it up. Just pretend I'm young. I didn't watch. Do you know if Jesse plugged my May 11th date at Red Bank, New Jersey,

Count Basie? I don't know. I should have asked the wife. She goes, I didn't watch it. I was watching fucking Larry David. What? Why? No, she didn't. Anyhow, let's move on.

I'm tired. Stinkin' Blankin', Secretary of State Anthony, I'm sorry, A-N-T-N-T-O-N-Y. That's how black people say Fitty, Anthony. Anthony Blanken instructed State Department employees to refrain from using gendered terms such as mother. These are gendered terms now. Think we've been using it for a thousand years. Mother, father, and manpower in a recent internal memo. And to that, the world says, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is what our secretary of state's working on. Well, China, Russia, and Iran are trying to hack us a million times a day. China's buying farmland over here. They have their own police stations here. Russia's got a fucking thing that's going to blow out any, you know what, that we have. Huh? Satellites, exactly. And shut us down, you know, when the war starts.

So you won't even be able to call or fucking do anything. And, you know, and Iran's been pulling on our pricks forever. So that's what we're doing, though. The Biden administration officially argued in the memo that gender is a socially, is a social construct, which it's not, and that a person's gender identity may or may not correspond

with one's sex assigned at birth. Folks, I'm going to remind you again, this is all to distract you. You understand? It's part of the Marxist game. To keep you fighting with each other about silly shit like that you know isn't true, but they assume you're dumb enough to fall for it, which anybody who votes Democrat is. So we always argue with each other, well, they're doing other

evil shit that you'll find out about later. The note was obtained by National Review entitled Modeling DEIA, and that's diversity, equity, and injuring assholes, gender identity best practices. However, he asked staffers not to pressure someone to state their pronouns. What does that mean, Dallas? It means that you must use people's pronouns, but you can't pressure them to give you those pronouns.

That way you're just kept on your heels the entire time. Okay, but they're saying, he's saying like the people who play this game can't pressure me to call them. No, so let's say you go up to somebody and say, hi, such and such. Yeah. And they have not given you their pronouns. Right. You're not supposed to pressure them to give you their pronouns, but you better still guess the right pronoun. You sure?

Yeah. Sounds like they're trying to actually help us here. No. No? No, no, no, no. You sound biased. That's stupid. Yes.

I go up and I go, hi, Miss whatever. Right? Right. And they say, and the person goes, no, I'm Zay. So who's pressuring who? So it says, you know, however, he asks staffers not to pressure someone to state their pronouns. Oh, I get it. I see. Staffers is actually the key.

What's your pronoun, faggot? Hey, cocksucker, are you a Zay-Z mother? Goo gobbler? Okay, you got it. Commonly used pronouns could include, this is in the memo, folks. I'm not making this shit up. She slash her, he, him, they, them, ze, zur. Who made that up?

What butch, dyke, fucking faggot who loves German-sounding words. Ze, zur. The Secretary of State explains, noting that in some cases, people use a variety of pronouns or accept all pronouns. Yeah, we call those people fucking faggots.

This is a personal decision that should be respected, Blinken said. And I say to Blinken, Take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! Commonly used terms such as manpower. You guys.

How about five guys? Can they keep that? Ladies and gentlemen, mother, father, I want to go to a fucking convention or somewhere where there's hundreds of these people and just walk around, just making your own. Hey, fuck face, no?

Hey, ZZ, cocksucker. Mother, father, son, daughter, husband, wife. And by the way, did you notice this? I've been saying, if you read the papers or read the internet, and you're reading columns and stories every day, you notice they're always referring to his partner, her partner. I go, what's going on? I'm talking people we know that are married.

And then when you don't know if they're married, it's almost like they want you to assume they're gay, because that used to be the term that gay people use. This is my partner. But what they're doing is substituting, you know, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, because that would imply the truth. Oh, what a weird time. And again, folks, this is a cultural revolution.

I keep reminding you, that's what you're living through. It's not about the government, you know, not knowing what they're doing. It's all by design. Husband-wife should be avoided, according to this Google Department Chief. And replaced with words like labor force, everyone, folks,

comrade. There's a hit. You all. You all is all right? Because that's a hit You all You all is alright Cause that's a black thing I notice white people Not going y'all Even if they're from Vermont

Y'all is a southern thing It's not a black thing It's been a southern thing forever First of all dummy Black people were fucking In the south for how long They started that shit Well you did

Let's put it this way The south did But when I say black people I'm not talking from New York But I'm saying the South for how long? They started that shit. Well, you did. Let's put it this way. The South did, but when I say black people, I'm not talking from New York, but I'm saying you see white girls saying y'all now on the internet when I'm trying to pick them up. Listen, y'all got a small dick. What? When I used to perform in the South, right, when I do the Atlanta punchline, and I said that, people are talking to me, and they go, yo, andall and I go I'm one person I always look behind me What do you fuck is that? Anyways, I don't like it. It sounds good coming out of a southern person But like I said, you did you got 14 year old white girls saying you all got small titties. Well, I'm 14

Anyways labor force you all which is y'all, parent, it's a dirty word now, parent? No, we got to use that. Yeah, I'm sorry. Child, spouse, or partner instead. How about this guy? Balls on this prick. He's got none. They're tucked between his leg with a piece of electrical tape.

When speaking, avoid using phrases like your mother's got none. They're tucked between his leg with a piece of electrical tape. When speaking, avoid using phrases like, your mother's fucking badass. Your sister's boxhole. You know, Nick DiPaolo terms that he puts on t-shirts and makes money. When speaking, they say avoid using phrases like brave men and women on the front lines. That's exactly what they are. Why would I avoid that? The memo continues suggesting use more specific language such as brave first responders. They are literally telling you how to talk and lecturing you. Brave soldiers or brave DS agents. DS agents? What's that? Dick sucking? Dick... Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

Dallas said dick sucking agents. And that's... I think you might have hit it right on the head, no pun intended. That was beautiful. Dick sucking agents. Is there any other kind, y'all? Again, this is the Secretary of State. This is what they're talking about. Imagine Kissinger. He just died, didn't he? He's the one who said power is the best aphrodisiac. He said it in that creepy German accent, which ironically made me hard.

I'm trying to fool the fans at home to think in their picture for us. God help us. For those of you guys right now that are on Mug Club, stick around the second half for the second half of my show, and everyone else, go to nickdip now that are on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of my show. And everyone else, go to nickdip.com to join Mug Club to get not only my full show, the great Steven Crowder's full show, which is well worth the money itself,

Alex Jones on Fridays, Brian Callen, the Hodge twins, and that undercover team. I don't even know what they call themselves, who breaks national stories. They've already busted a couple. I'm thinking about having the guy that does that. And he said this to me, I'll get the footage for you from that bar they threw you out of. I'm not done with that, by the way. I hope you're watching Union Bear because I was cleared legally that nothing happened. So I'm kicking it around. If I find some free time, it'll be called Nick's Union Bear. Okay? Dick cheeses.

Dick cheeses. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed Not everybody else And I don't wanna get a job

Not everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else See you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else