The Nick DiPaolo Show - Khamenei: Virgins Here We Come | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1863

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

In this episode, Nick talks about Kuwait's Oopsie, The Mullah Massacre, Terror In Austin, Moj Mahdara On Right Side, A Literal Garbage Man, Netflix/WB Deal Dead, A Horny Louisiana Mayor and A Bigger Mac! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

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From the Omen. How are you, folks? Welcome to the show. And there's that thing that runs the thing. Oh, good. How you doing? Did you have a good weekend? Once again, I did nothing and enjoyed every second a bit because that's you're supposed to do in you. 107. So I was told, I reckon I'll take the biggins. That's from Slingblade. See it? Oh, you know.

Anyways, what am I saying? It was about your family, wasn't it? Welcome to the live lineup where you get my show, Lotto with Crowder. shows for free. And if you want it, ad free, sign up for what they call Rumble premium. Follow my channel, download the Rumble app, and it'll be a great day for you. Today I'll be

talking, not much going on over the weekend. Kind of quiet. No, well, basically, look, I believe Trump probably the last two weeks, but you don't know. Anyways, something happened that's been coming for a long time.

You know, us and Israel, got together and bitch-slap the mullahs, and I mean hard. Real quick, today, when I woke up this morning, Kuwaitis actually shot down three of our planes by accident. I was saying to Dallas, it's hard to, you know, it's an Arab country, it's hard to take their word for it. I think they're with us on this one. Also, kind of related, terror and Austin, mass shooting at a bar.

Again, religion of peace at work. What else? Then we got some, oh, interesting story about the Netflix Warner Brothers deal that went down and why it didn't. It wasn't the only reason, but you're going to laugh and I tell you what one of the reasons was. And a Louisiana mayor, a female mayor, what do you think she did? Passed laws a bill?

No, she bagged a high school kid. Now, why that's a problem? is beyond me. I see it if it was male, female. That's a big fucking problem. You know what I'm saying? But I'm just saying the kid was 17.

Again, he should have a statue in front of the high school. She's like a good looking frigging, you know, a Mrs. Robinson to him. But I understand the other way because we're wired differently, whether you want to believe it or not. You know, how many fathers have got their kid

a hooker for their like 16th birthday. It's my 14th birthday. Listen. Anyhow, that's what we got on tap. A lot of shit. So yeah, the big war. Me and my wife were listening to planes fly over our house

for the last 12 days, I think. Like almost steady. As you know, there's a couple of military bases right near us here. And so we knew something was up. And what the fuck else did I do? Shrimp scampy.

Oh, I found this guy online, Billy Parisi. He's an Italian guy living in Indiana. Kind of looks like he's in his 30s or 40s, maybe. You know, trained chef. But it does basic shit, basic Italian stuff, like not cutting edge, kind of classic stuff, but with his scampy, oh, la, mama. Killer, killer.

And I made something else. You think I could remember, folks? Bruins drop one to the flies, but they beat Columbus Blue Jackets. They are at, look, that division, I don't know how many teams are that to be. What is it, eight, ten, whatever? Nine, I don't know.

Anyways, the first place team, and the, like, seven place team is separated by about fucking six points total. Frickin Browens are already got in the last playoff spot. That means it's people behind them fighting for the wild card. They have been a pleasant surprise. I know you guys, if you're not hockey fans, or not from Boston, you don't care,

but there are people from Massachusetts who like the show. Nobody expected this from the Bruins. After, you know, coming in last last year and literally blowing up their team, getting rid of the captain, nobody saw this coming. Not saying they're going to win the cup, but I'm pretty sure they'll be in the playoffs. And they're rough.

They're known for their physical play again. If you watched them last year, it was like a girls' youth team. but we got some boys. We lead the league in penalties in, and we're second in fighting behind Tampa. And Tampa's like in first place. So it's part of the game.

It works beautifully. And this guy, Geno, went out with a guy from the fly as a de jure, whoever the fuck is damn, his tough guy. Holy shit. A lot of times you see a hockey fight, they don't land shit. These guys are landing like they were in a ring, bare-knuckled. And it went on for about a minute and a half, which is a long time, folks, when you're slick.

Oh, and then they skate away, and they don't have a problem with each other the rest of the game. That should be, somebody should be doing a story on that phenomenon. In a society where we can't look at each other or talk to each other in line for a second without wanting to rip each other's heads off, but these guys can line up next to each other, beat the piss out of each other,

and this fucking kind of laugh at off. A lot of times in hockey, you fight a guy, just happens to be the guy you have to line up with it, the rest of the game when there's a face off. Try doing that in the NBA, if you know what I'm saying, or the NFL or whatever the fuck. NFL, I got to give the players actually credit. I'm surprised there's not more after the whistle.

I know you've got your coveted equipment. You can't hurt. But still, the nature of the game and who plays it, I'm surprised there's not more extracurricular activity after the whistle. You know what I mean? But they're pretty good because they know they're going to break their hands. Every once in a while you get a guy's like Miles Garrett, who'll rip your helmet off and throw it at you.

What a beast he is. Miles Garrett, fucking defensive lineman. He was with the Browns. Who's he with? I can't. But he's a fucking beast. He is a, you know,

it's going to be a hall of family. He leads a, I think he led again in sex. He's a shit. World War III's a roaring. I know. I'm just, folks, I immerse myself in a stiff in this shit. And I just, you know,

I have to read it because, I want to know what I'm talking about when I get here, but by the end of the weekend, I'm like, Jesus Christ, was there a baby born somewhere? And they go, yeah, and he was thrown in a dumpster in Manhattan. And I said, let me guess, Irish. Oh, come on, you racist. Real quick. I'll do a quick hit since I was talking about sports. UMass, pretty good in hockey now. All these schools are getting really good in hockey. UMass and Connecticut, Yukon, who's actually, they're getting pretty good. They're not known for their hockey. of basketball.

Anyways, they were playing. And this game was at UMass. And it's a tie game. It's near the end of the game. And a guy for Connecticut gets the puck, goes end to end on a breakway. Watch what happens. And here we go. Justin Kerr to the goal line.

Cord dangling. Meals like the same. Kerr would not be denied. Now back the other way comes Yukon. with the lights off. Hello. That is unfortunate for the Huskies. Anybody there?

Anybody there? It's. It's all. It's all. It's all. Mike Kavanaugh. Hey. Oh, I leaned against the button.

It was an accident. Somebody either got fired or got a promotion for you, Maas. And let me just fill you at the end of the game. Of course, that was near, that, that would, if he goes in on that breakway and scores, it's very late. The game, it's probably the game winner. But that didn't. happen.

Right? That wasn't in overtime, was it? They went into overtime. Anyways, Connecticut lost, I think, in a shootout. I think they have shootouts in college. Or overtime.

It doesn't matter. The point is, UMass, the home team, ended up winning the game. And we know it was somebody that worked at that arena that leaned on that light switch by accident.

How do you do? I want to give you a follow-up on that one. Maybe I'll see it on. you know what, I deem that were. I thought that was hilarious. Imagine you're the player going in on the breakaway? Tremendous. All right, let's get to it.

I know, folks. I'm just saying it's what a weekend. Real quieter across the world. I'll give you an update again on what I read this morning, since you guys already know the background of the story. Three U.S. F-15s involved in the attack on Iran were shot down by Kuwaiti air defense in a case of friendly fire. The American militaries at Central Command said in a statement earlier today.

All six crew members on board, the planes were able to eject safely in are in stable condition. And again, only under Trump, would three guys get out safely? We did lose four over the weekend, so don't forget that. Never forget that. even when it's a stunning success, these things, you lose four people, you know, that's four families grieving and a whole bunch of people grieve.

Don't have a lose sight of that. But to lose four and all the shit, all the shit that Trump has been involved in, I mean, as far as that goes, him and Higgsith are doing it the right way from the air and not put too many people in harm's way. Let's take a look at the... This morning,

American fighter jets crashing in Kuwait. US officials saying the crews all survived and that the jets were mistakenly shot down by Kuwaiti air defenses in a friendly fire incident during active combat with Iran. It is all. I think they apologize. I apologize. What's the matter with you? Sorry.

The fuck is the matter with you? Fucking American plane. Fat fuck. What a side? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What'd you say? Getting wise with me?

Kuwaiters acknowledge this incident and we are grateful for the efforts of the Kuwaiti defense forces and their support, I bet to the pilots feel differently, in this ongoing operation, Tampa, Florida-based Sendcom said.

The jet crashes were reported shortly after an apparent Iranian drone barrage struck the U.S. embassy compound in Kuwait City. Here's the thing, folks. Iran is so fucked that they're swinging at people who's supposed to be their allies,

other Arab countries. And I think since Jared Kushner and Trump and their first administration and working with Netanyahu and all the shit that's gone on since, well, it's probably even long before that, but the Arab countries are coming around

because they know, remember Hamas is a cancer. Nobody wants them. And the terrorists. and nobody, those countries are modernizing. They're doing business with us and shit. They don't want to be, you know, listening to a fucking 110-year-old mullah and being in danger because of that.

And, you know, and if Israel and the United States go, we'll take care of it for you, you know, in return for whatever. They're like, yeah, good deal. Anyways, yeah, the embassy compound of Kuwait City, which had early issued a blunt warning to Americans, tell them to remain indoors, take cover, do not come to the...

Who the fuck's in? go to the embassy. Guy from fucking FedEx. Hello. Kuwait, like many of Iran's neighbors in the Persian Gulf, has been targeted by Tehran with missiles and drones in an apparent attempt to get the U.S. and Israel to back off the campaign

that has killed four dozen top Iranians. That was the big news, folks. And it's our technology on this one. And I think Iraq actually, I mean Iraq, Israel pulled the trigger, which is smart. You know what I mean? You let them do the, we'll give you the,

and they have the technology. I don't know, you know, so anyways, not just the, and I was listening to Mark Levine who immerses himself and he's Jewish number one. He worked for Reagan and he's, you know, a brilliant guy. He writes a lot of books, so he's on all this shit.

And he went on a rant this weekend on the radio that was the first, it was just perfect. Why anybody should be belly aching about this. and you know it was just stellar it was classic uh levin and um yeah so uh he was saying levin was saying how the iatola cumani i've heard it pronounced nine different ways it's so funny uh i like the way george bush senior used to go satam just to bust his balls

sat him who's that uh and then dana carvey made a living out of it uh anyways it was set up like the mob. He said, Levine was saying, he's like fucking gaudy. He's got an inner circle, you know, the capos, and then they get an outer circle and another one. Well, they took out all the circles. Because they were asking today, well, who's going to take over? And Trump had,

I think it was Jonathan Carl. And Trump said, we don't know who's going to take over because the ones that prime candidates are dead too. Marka Rubio. Oh, honest to God, he's got enough brains. That guy, I'm telling you, man,

I quietly was a fan because people, I don't know, the gang of eight, I forget what he had something to do with that and people got turned off by it. But anyways, all as I know is he's Michael Colioni. He's so serious. And he was speaking this weekend and to whoever and putting them in line. The fact that we have to defend this action, do you understand, I was saying this to Dallas before the show, this fucking guy they just killed in his regime, they murdered 30 to 40,000. thousand innocent protesters a week ago, or two weeks ago, 10 days ago, whatever. Their bodies are still fucking warm. And people in our party, the Democrat Party, have a problem with this.

That's all you need to know. How much more evidence do you need to know? They are the enemy. The only thing that's keeping the world from peace is the Democrat Party, I swear to God, in this country. Iran? they were a big help to China and Russia. And now, you know, as far as energy, they'd always do business, energy and fucking missiles.

You didn't hear much, did you, from China and Russia? Which makes me happy and nervous at the same time. I see Putin, you know, talking to the head chef at Pandarin Orange in Moscow. Pandarin? I mixed Panda with Mandarin. Have you had the pandering orange, Delle? It's like a regular orange, only it's more pandery. Huh.

Anyways, they whacked him. That's like Wacking Gaudy and 48 other guys with precision. There he is. Look, he's waving bye-bye. Bye-bye, dickhead. Make it easy. You've got to grow up. It's a movie.

Hey, folks, real quick. my wife wants me to plug stuff in the middle of a war we have shoes and a nice dress on sale at the house come down a merchandise page shout out read oh okay I'm doing Biden

to support the show head to nickdip.com and it is good stuff I don't I'm very I'm very picky about my to the point where I actually you know those ad you keep seeing on the internet for t-shirts

they always have like a 22 year old kid in the best shape of his life, shredded. Yeah, well, the guy would look good in a moo-moo. I think that's something, isn't a mu-mo? Yeah, it's a nickname of my high school girlfriend. She love carbs. Anyways, get this shit. Buy the hat, smoke a pipe.

Fucking put on shoes. Get a waffle. Fucking waffle lion. Piss off the right people. Also, you want to send a personalized video to somebody? I'll say what you've been thinking so you don't have to. Go to shout out. dot us.

Shoutout.us. Let's get back to the world on fire. Mala Massacre. So this is the basis. These are the tent poles of the story. U.S. has launched a major military operation alongside

Israel forces against his Islamist regime in Iran on Saturday. What is being described as one of the largest regional concentrations of American military firepower in a generation. Well, what's a generation? How old is a generation? 18? I never really understood.

U.S. President Trump has confirmed that the Supreme Leader Al-A Kamani is dead and has called on the people of Iran to rise up and topple the government. Now, let me tell you something. That's another story. I know that sounds easy. Like, yeah, they're all dead. Go in there. Take hold. Oh, yeah. Believe me, this remnants, this fellas who will die. They don't go out. They don't just throw their beliefs out. It's like going into a business.

I mean, if you, and I hope they're organizing. I don't know who, but that's how it works. Somebody has to step up, right? That's how it works in fucking war time. And you're putting your neck out there. Let's, let's put it this way. It'll be more dangerous. It's more dangerous than like running for a mayor at a Mexican city or fucking being the president.

Apparently shine bomb. I don't know how she gets away with it. And Jews. Anyways, let's take a look at the video. Over the past 36 hours, the United States and its partners have launched Operation Epic Fury, one of the largest, most complex, was overwhelming military offenses

the world has ever seen. Nobody's seen anything like it. Pause. Of course not. According to Trump, nobody has seen anything like anything he's ever done. Look at this tie. Made it myself. Nobody's seen anything like it. It goes down to my toes. Okay. He looks good, man.

We've hit hundreds of targets in Iran, including Revolutionary Guard facilities, Iranian air defense systems. Just now was announced that we knocked out nine ships plus their naval building. Didn't even know they had nine ships. All in a matter of literally minutes. Iran's formerly supreme leader. Ayatollah Amene is dead. This wretched and vile man

had the blood of hundreds and even thousands of Americans on his hands and was responsible for the slaughter of countless thousands of innocent people all across many countries. Last night, all over Iran the voices of the Iranian people

could be heard cheering and celebrating in the streets when his death was announced. The entire military command is gone as well, and many of them want to surrender into saving their lives. They want immunity. They're calling by the thousands. Combat operas. When you ever try to fuck me?

That's what you hear when you call the whale. Anyways, so that's. That's that. That's, and again, people are going, you know, right away on the left. It is just hilarious. It's so predictable. They have never seen a president in action.

They made, they've, like I said, all these politicians in D.C., Tucker Carlson used to be great on this. He would, you know, he goes, they've never fucking worked a real job, never raised a family. I wasn't crazy about that one. But, but just to. And it's true. And the party, today, the Dems, those aren't politicians. Those are activists. Anybody that wears a button that says fuck ice in the capital.

Fuck ICE. A federal agency whose mission is to keep us safe. But fuck them. I understand freedom of speech. Okay, well, I was going to say next time the Dems are in power. I don't know if that ever going to happen. But how about if I fucking worry, you know, it doesn't matter. I've never been with the Capitol.

Freedom of speech, but there are consequences. Exactly. Speaking of freedom of speech and a related story, and then I'll move on to other shit. I know the top of the show is heavy, but come on. The religion of peace is added again. That's the headline. The gunman behind Austin's possible terror-related mass shooting, as you know, at a bar, outside patio bar. in Austin.

And folks, because of Biden, I read, I used to read there's hundreds of secret cells running around here from the middle.

Then I read, the FBI says there's 18,000 terrorists or possible jihadis. That was the number I read yesterday. I don't know where they got that.

But thank you, Joe Biden, because you can almost guarantee a horrific catastrophic incident is common in this country against us. Again, I'll thank you in advance Joe Biden. Of course, the shitheads on the left will blame Trump because he's in office now. You know how it works. Anyways, possible terror-related mass shooting entered the U.S.

and cemented his legal immigration status under Democrat administrations, of course, despite a growing criminal record. You fucking people You have no idea how to defend a nation A Senegalese National Nagdaia Diagni 53 There he is Not a big fan of sunblock

Is he made by Goodyear? Holy shit It says inflate to fucking 240 pounds of stupid Arrived in America on March 13th, 2000 on a B-2 tourist visa during the Clinton administration the Agni who killed two people and wounded four, actually three, another one died,

14 more during his rampage outside of Texas bar early on Sunday. Then he became a lawful permanent resident on an IR6. How many fucking visas are they to let this come in in June of 2006 when he married a U.S. citizen? I like to meet her. Please welcome Kathy Griffin, everybody. Check out the video. This is kind of disturbing some of this. Oh, my God!

A lot more! Oh, my God! Boy, does that sound like an Austin? And you know what's ironic? I said to Della, you know what's ironic about this? The killer's shooting people who probably agree with his politics. Austin makes fucking San Francisco look right-wing. So I'm just saying, you know what I mean?

But it seems to happen in these very blue cities, don't it? How's your gun control working? I wonder if they wanted somebody with a gun there. And again, anytime somebody brings up that argument, just say that. So when somebody bust into a school and mask his kids, you'd rather have nobody there with a gun. That's what you're saying, even if your kid was in a class. Go fuck yourself.

That's the end of that argument. Nick, you don't have to be like that. Shut up. I'm talking to myself. Here's some disturbing but real footage minutes after. I stumbled over this and I went, wow. Somebody in the bar with a phone put this out there. thought you were going to go, oh, they took it down.

This is fresh after the shooting. They're trying to save people. Check it out. Nice, huh? There he is. I know you're not supposed to prejudge people. I wouldn't even let him in my country based on his looks. Well, that's racist. Yeah, it is. By the way,

he's got a, what is it, property of Allah, sweatshers? You know, they found the Quran in his car, Iranian flag, posters. And they're going, we don't know. what his motive was. That's what I'm hearing.

We still don't know what the motive is. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Let's start with a hate crime. Number one. Oh, that doesn't apply to people. People of color or Muslims are you fucking people. He had already racked up at least one arrest before that for illegal vending in June 2001

in New York City. I probably bought a hot dog off this guy. He then went on to largest string of other arrests in the Big Apple between 2008-26. again, your blue cities making fucking death available to all of us. Also, a little update.

Yeah. In addition, he once plowed into a woman in New York City while driving regularly, disabling her for life. Are you fucking kidding me? They took my license away because I got three speeding tickets

like within six months when I was young. But that didn't stop him from becoming a naturalized U.S. citizen on April 5th of 2013. Can imagine looking at that record and going, yeah. Huh. That was around the start of Barack Obama's second term. Those three arrests are sealed.

Unfucking believable. I don't know how much more they have to prove that they are an enemy of this country. The Obama's, he was the worst thing to happen to this country in a long time. He hides it with a nice smile and like Biden says he's cleaned and he showers and plays pickleball with his fucking husband. De Agni also was a. arrested in Texas at some point on undisclosed charges. Let me guess. Driving well, black, man.

He was a known emotional disturb person in both states. Oh, really? The serial fender opened fire outside Buford's backyard beer garden near the University of Texas, Austin Camp. Imagine that's basically on the campus. Early Sunday, killing two bar pages and wounding 14 others before he was shot and killed by police. He was wearing a property of Allah hoodie at the time of the

rampage and had a Koran in his car. said he was wearing an undershirt emblazing with the Iranian flag or other Iran-related imagery. We don't know his motive, though. They think he didn't like the fried pickles the night before. Let's move on to, well, this is still related, but it's on a good thing. This is a woman who, I'm guessing, a gay woman. She's, you know, most of the women that wear, I know people, if Libs heard me say that, they'll be flipping out. But most gay women like a nice men's shirt, pressed with a collar, you know, a business shirt.

And she looks like me. But she's a Democrat. She doesn't deny it. And boy, was this refreshing. Democrat, Moj, Mahadra, Madara. That sounds kind of Middle Eastish, doesn't it? Could be wrong. Yeah?

Yeah, you're right. Express disappointment. I repeat, Democrat, expressed disappointment with her party's reaction to the Iran strikes. And she was so eloquent here. It's basically what I was saying without the Fs and the C's and the Js. And Dallas pointed out, I saw that too Dallas. Dallas goes, what's that thing in the fucking left-hand corner?

She's got a poodle fighting her head with a kitten. And the woman we're going to show you right now is on the right. And again, it looks like my high school yearbook picture. Anyways, let her roll. It is imperative the Democratic Party wake up and get past their dislike of Donald Trump, the President Trump, and their feelings of international conflicts going on. This is about national security. This is about what is possible in the Middle East. This is about being a good partner to the Gulf states and what their aspirations are. This is about

supporting the people of Venezuela. This is about dismembering our relationship with, or not dismembering, but resetting our relationship with China. Right now, 55% of the oil production that Iran produces goes to China despite sanctions. You want to support the people. CNN, could you maybe take that sound out? You're fucking amateur hour. You wonder why 11 people are watching? Go ahead, Roche.

People of Ukraine. You want to end that word. There is no getting around dismembering this Islamic Republic. It is non-negotiable. It is not a want to have. It is a have to have. And it's not just for the Iranian people. I think you have to trust the Iranian people. We know this government better than anyone else.

When you dismember and decapitate this regime, you are going to see a change in the Middle East in Venice. in China and Ukraine. And I think, quite frankly, their ideology has really, it's caused a lot of problems for us worldwide. We need to take it seriously. And I think at this point, we have a tremendous opportunity. This will be like ending the Soviet Union, the Berlin Wall.

This is a transformational moment for humankind, for security. And as an American, as an American, this is in our interest to complete it. So I am a Democrat. I have been a huge Democrat. I'm incredibly disappointed with it. disappointed with my party. I do not see myself in them in this moment. Thank you. And it took you this long? Is this what it took? Really? That's what I'm saying. Apparently there's a hole in the

wall of a mental institution near CNN. This woman broke in. Nobody knows who she is. She looks like a beautician out of an S&L sketch. You know what her head looks like? Her hair looks like an explosion, one of those mushroom crowds that we just saw. And Dana Bash, and it is pronounced Dana. And And the middle must have been furious. Hey, we didn't have you want to say the right shit. You know? So good for her is what I say. I say this to her.

Yes, sir. I also say this to her. You are correct, sir. Might be the best show of the week. It's flowing, isn't it? It's flowing like somebody on a heavy day. What? Those were some tough Jews.

Did you hear her Democrat Party? Are you going to dismiss that? But she's right. They're so blinded by their. hatred of Trump. It's deeper than that. I really used to laugh when paper said it was a mental illness, but it really is. There's something

in their character where they have to virtue signal around the clock, because they don't believe that they're a good person. They probably hate themselves, and that's how they make themselves feel better, and they're psychotic. And I love when one of them comes out. Fetterman, you might as well make the jump,

dude. It is so funny. When Fetterman had a stroke, he was saying all the wrong shit. When he healed, he's saying all right shit. And I mean left, right. You know what I'm saying? Let's go, uh, let's lighten up by doing a homeless story. No. Oscar the slouch. Police, those are some tough Jews. Police in Hoover Heights, Ohio said an officer initiated a traffic stop Monday, but the driver fled on foot as opposed to what hands? What the fuck? Police said the officer briefly lost sight of the suspect, but quickly established a perimeter in the area.

Police told the station the suspect actually made it several apartments away before officers caught up to him and arrested him. We're going to show you this. It's hilarious. He's hiding in the back of a goddamn sanitation truck. And the sanitation guy, his reaction, that's why I want to show it, was so goddamn funny. Let's take a look at this, this, Oscar the Grouch. Police say the search for a suspect took a very bizarre turn when a rumky worker in a trash can. The moment captured on dash camera video from a Huber-huburnish police where you can see just how startled the rumky worker was. News Center 7th Taylor Robertson joins us live from the Wayne Meadows Apart. Unbelievable.

Ugh. You shit kicking, stinky horseman who's smelling motherfucker you. As luck would have it, Oscar the Grouch, as we've nicknamed our suspect. Boy, these guys are funny. It appeared at just the right place and the right time. Police added. Police said thanks to the impressive athletic ability and swift response. That's not a woman, chasing.

Of a second officer, the suspect was safely apprehended. Police added that the suspect was taken into custody without injury to anyone involved. It's not like you just did a raid on a incident. and Tebby, that the suspect has since been identified as 27-year-old Jonathan McMillan. Anytime you see a guy this age and this era wearing a Pete Rose haircut from the 60s, you know, he's fucking cuckoo. Police told the station that the suspect actually made it several apartments away before offices caught up to him and arrested the motherfucker.

Don't you move you, motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. Uh, Bo Diddley. Bo Didley. It's not his name. That's a musician. I can't even. McMillan was booked into the Montgomery County Jail on obstructing official business and resisting arrest.

Station added that he also had a warrant from Miami County. That's in Ohio, folks. As for the original traffic violation that sparked the cartoonish ordeal, the police gave McMilling just a warning for it. Now, that seems, I guess, consider what's going on. today, but I'm just saying if it was you or me. I don't know. Anyways, it reminds me of

every time I hear Oscar the Grouch. S&L did a good takeoff on Oscar the Grouch. They did a spoof, you know, with the movie The Joker. And it was pretty goddamn funny a few years ago. Man, that smells straight like ass, me. I kind of like you. Yeah? You like trash so much,

why don't you live in it? Why don't you fight me? Damn, Laskin, why you such a grouch, man? From the studio that brought you Joker, and the twisted minds at Sesame Workshop, comes the next gritty anti-hero origin story. Why do you think you're always in such a bad mood? Isn't me?

Are things getting worse out there? A friendly neighborhood of Sesame Street has now become a haven of crime and corruption. I'm Guy Smiley, ABC, D-E-F-G News. Cookers and pimps on every corner. Now look, Prairie Dawn, you wanna snuff his hose, okay? And Snuff his hose, Er. I'm sorry, Daddy.

Bitch, you better shut your damn mouth for goods. People getting killed over nothing. Give me the ducky. Honey! Give it to him. Hell no, bitch. No. And how does that make you feel?

Grouchy. Calls you trash. greets you like trash Why don't you just Becum Variety asks Did we need a dark take on Oscar de Grouch? No

Says the New York Tov and residents of Sesame Street Like you've never seen them before You want to see this big bird dance? One, two Three Three film Director Todd Phillips

Sweet in the Plough One favor. Would you call me the grass? That was well done, wasn't it? It was fucking funny. Yeah. All right, folks.

Next story, a headline, a deal with strings attached. There goes that punch line. There were many defining moments featured in the months-long battle for the ownership of Warner Brothers Discovery. The rest of the article, WBD.

Isn't that weapons of balls are destructive? Anyway, sit down to woo President Trump, high profile congressional hearings, a brutal bidding war, and yes, a tampon. A tampon got in the way of this deal getting done, all right?

Sure is. During the deal, negotiations while Netflix was wooing skeptical GOP lawmakers that it wasn't a left-wing company looking to get more powerful by snapping up WBD, a delegation of lawmakers paid a visit to its headquarters. And when one was both shocked and disturbed to find a basket containing tampons in the men's room, okay?

So Netflix was the people that are looking at it, right? And the GOP, the politicians that are involved, they don't want, it goes on to explain it later, but we all know Netflix is a left wing. I mean, it's all left wing. Go look through their frickin. This is me looking through their shit to find the movie I might want to want. It's like, it's so, it's all left wing.

They don't even know because they're so ensconced in their little bubble. Reed Hastings used to run. He was like the head of Comedy Central. I had meetings with this guy. He's like the fucking big, he's the head at Netflix. He got the last laugh there. I shouldn't have told me.

go shitting his hat in that meeting. This is 2026, not 2020, said one GOP staffer. So like I said, Netflix is saying, we're not that progressive, blah, blah, blah, blah. And these guys are skeptical going in the first place when they're taking the meeting, said one GOP staffer with firsthand knowledge of the matter about the tampons. What were they thinking, he said? According to the spin coming from Netflix, Sarandos, one of the co-founders, $73 billion.

Can imagine you can buy something for $73 billion? dollars, you assist his box. This is tough Jews. Purchase a vast chunks of the company known as one of a brother's discovery came to a grinding halt last Thursday because he didn't want to get into a bidding war

with Paramount Skydance which had just sweetened a hostile offer for the company to 80.5 billion dollars. That's another five bill, dude. Or 10, whatever. Sarandos, meanwhile, runs a public company, meaning Netflix, with a market value that fell a whopping $200 billion during the costly takeover process

that his existing shareholders obviously didn't like. Maybe, but price wasn't surrender's only obstacle. During the six-month bidding war, many Republicans in Congress, state AG offices, and of course the White House came to believe that Netflix was seeking to create a monopoly in streaming. One big worry, Netflix would use the market. They already are. They already had for years. Would use the market.

You think they'd ever put me on if I had a special? You'd think that ever, even when the day Netflix started, Netflix would use the market clout that WBD would give it to further push progressivism and its programming. And they were right to assume that, by the way. So Randos has long argued that Netflix programming appeals to all political taste. Fuck you and fuck you.

Who's next? And honestly, folks, I believe that he believes that. They are so fucking warped in what they think is left, center, right, moderate, blah, blah, blah. But advocacy groups have produced research that it's programming,

meaning Netflix, and documentaries, more often push themes such as transgenderism, diversity, equity, and inclusion, and other issues near and dear to the cultural left. One attendee was Missouri GOP Congressman Jason Smith, chair of the House's powerful Ways and Means Committee, and a lawmaker who is skeptical of Netflix spin

that it is a politically neutral provider of programming. Folks, just go and run through and look at the movies. Unless you don't know, you have to know who makes the shit, and then it pops out of you. During the confab, he went to the men's room. This would crack me up at the firm's offices, and he noticed the basket of tampons in the men's room. Let's just say the chairman was pretty disturbed, this person added. It wasn't the only thing that sucked the deal, but it definitely helped.

Isn't that great? That deal had a lot of strings attached, no? No? No? Bada-ba-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba. That's some wild stuff. A basket of tampons and a men's gym. I love whoever said, this is 2026, not 20.

And that's how I feel when I hear people bringing up DEI and they're still pushing this and that and transgenit. It feels very dated to me. I mean, Trump really fucking put a wave, woke up the world. It just feels very, but they, they're so, they're so fucking laser focused on all of us living as one, which will never happen in a trillion years. Sorry to break a utopian wet dream there.

It ain't going to happen. I don't give a fuck how round the planet it is, Bill Hicks. Anyways, let's move on. Misty-colored memories. I don't know if you guys know that was from the way we were. I'm very famous on for a very terrific film back in the early 30s. No, 70s. The children of a disgraced Louisiana Mayer told cops,

it's her children. that's the mayor by the way told cops that they both caught their mom fooling around the 16 year old boy at a boozy pool party according to video played at her rape trial they have the kids saying that

here's some video on the story now for what's trending in true crime a Louisiana mayor is out on bond after being allegedly are accused rather of allegedly having sex with a minor Misty Roberts became the first woman to hold office of mayor in the river Louisiana. Louisiana State Police arrested her last Thursday

on charges of third degree rape and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. How about contributing to putting hair on his pencil? And hair on his chest. How about that? He fucked a hot 30-something. I'm guessing. Maybe 40? Whatever.

A mayor. This guys. Her age don't want to kill that kid. They've been trying to get at her for fucking years. I wonder what he had that they didn't. Oh, that's right. Biology classed two in the afternoon in her car. But when asked about his recollection, he demurred, telling the odd demurred, telling the court he wasn't exactly sure what he saw that night, meaning her son.

So he kind of choked a little bit on this. The jury also reviewed pictures from the party, which showed kids holding kids hold. drinks as well as a photograph of Roberts and the victim that prosecute is described as lewd. That picture, what happened in the internet? We're supposed to see shit like this. The picture showed Roberts at the party in her bikini with the teen victim looking up at her smiling. I get a ton of those with me and my mom in the pool. Look, I was four and she was holding me. Robert's son texted his mom that night, incredulous about what was happening. You've got to hand it to the kid, though, even though I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

It tells me that she raised them kind of right, but she's a hypocrite. Although, again, I don't see the harm. And I know what you're going to say. Here's the argument. Yeah, but she's in a position of power and trust and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. show me a kid who's a mental case because an adult woman slept with him when he was a teenager.

Dallas goes, there's a whole fucking hospital fill of him up the street. Incredulous about what was happening and told her that his sister was crying about it. I couldn't find the sound effects. I have one, don't I have, I don't know, it's Christopher when they were doing the I know I've played this on the show before.

He goes, my own mother, fuck you, you hoo. Right? Have you heard that one? God damn it's on here somewhere. I couldn't find it. He is 17, the son texted Roberts.

That's her son texting her and going. He's 17. The boy was later confirmed to be 16 years old. Oh boy. Oh, boy you. Roberts' daughter also took the stand while prosecutors played her interview with the

detectives in which she said she saw her mom and the boy on top of each other that night. Wow. That changes the whole thing. The former mayor's nephew also admitted he tried to sneak a peek using his phone to try and get a peek at what was going on in the room. He testified that he wasn't sure if he hit record. Somebody coached him.

But if he did, said he never sent it to anybody. None of the three witnesses who testified said they saw the private parts of Roberts and the victim. The teen boy they noted, though, was shirtless. Oh, my goodness gracious. After the alleged tryst, the victim's mother texted Roberts to ensure that she was not pregnant. Did you hear that? The victim's mother, the boy, who she was messing around, his mother texted her, make sure she wasn't pregnant. To which she replied, she was on birth control.

And she plans on blowing the soccer team tomorrow, she said. Robert shared a screenshot of that message to a group chat with her friends who urged her to take plan B. She goes, take plan Blee. That's how I get in trouble in the first place. And the silliest thing I've ever heard. DoorDash driver testified, boy, is this a great story. A door dash driver testified that she kept ordering 12-foot sausages, I mean 12-8. He delivered an emergency contraceptive to Robert's house. I thought that was only about food,

which he recognized from trick-or-treating with his children. Oh, my God. Can you imagine her? She opens a do, trick-or-treat, she opens her robe. In other texts shown in court, Roberts asked her son, what kind of alcohol her son and the other kids wanted for the party. She's a great host. Days after police launched their investigation into the alleged crime,

Roberts resigned as mayor of Derrida. a city of just under 10,000 people, about 20 miles east of the Texas border, Roberts was charged with third-degree rape. Get the. What's third-degree? Can you explain it to me? Yeah, it's when a woman does it to a boy, meaning it's like a misdemeanor. Well, then you're sort of saying what I'm fucking saying,

that it shouldn't even be called rape. It should be called the gift. And contributing to the delinquency of juveniles. Oh, my God. Teaching a kid how to fucking pork. Come on. That's what college was for. This kid got a mayor.

They couldn't put, because he's a minor, but I want to see what he looked like. Could have been a hunk. He sounded like Paulin. Let's move on to I'm not loving it. These are good light stories. The CEO of McDonald's was ruthlessly marked across social media after posting. a viral video of himself struggling to chomp down on a new supersized menu item, which he oddly called a product instead of calling it a burke at the fast food chain. The clip posted to social

media shows McDonald's CEO and chairman Chris Kamsinski, ah, Polak, Apollock. Does he look old enough to be a goddamn CEO of McDonald's? Who does he look? First of all, who does he look like? What's the actor that two men and a, or two and a half men? Oh, Lawrence Olivier. The one that plays opposite Charlie Sheen. Maybe. I'm thinking of a politician or Barney Foy. I don't know.

Anyways, that's him, the CEO of McDonald's somehow, reluctantly trying the new big Archburger, which will be released in the United States tomorrow, folks. So set your alarms. listen to this and he deserved to be lamb-baseded. This guy makes um, Pocahontas, Liz Warren.

Remember she did that campaign ad while she was pretending to have a beer with her husband in the kitchen? Makes her look like fucking Merrill Streep. Watch how bad he is at this and Chris Kay here with, you've heard about it. Here it is. the big arch. This is something that we have tested already. It's in Portugal, Germany. Tested it like it's a new fishing boot. We tested it. We gave it to 10 homeless guys. They waved it

down. We don't know why. We think it was the arch sauce. Go ahead. And that's a real thing, by the way. Canada, I love this product. It is so good. I'm going to do a tasting right now, but I'm going to eat this for my lunch, just so you know. Pause. Why does that matter? I didn't understand that lot. I'm going to eat this for my lunch. Oh, he's really eating it for lunch?

Who's he fucking? Just came from Burger King. Go ahead. Go first. Holy cow. God, that is a big burger. We've got a very unique kind of sesame, poppy sort of bun on it. Pause.

Yeah, you can't find a poppy seed bun anywhere. Very exotic. Shut the fuck up, your pencil neck, goo gobbler. Go back to the Shamrock shake you were sucking on. Go ahead. We've got two quarter pound patties, a delicious Big Arge sauce,

and of course somewhat. Oh, it's a fucking Big Mac with a different name. I get it. Go ahead. So, oh, there's so much going on with this. First of all, let's try to get this thing. I don't even know how to attack it. Pause.

He's the head of C. He owned McDonald's and he doesn't know how to eat a burger. I don't know how to attack it. If it was a Cub Scout in a wet bathing suit, you would. So much to it. Oh, there's also some crispy onions on here as well. I see those kind of coming out. All right, the moment of truth.

Look, he barely bit it. He bit the bread. Oh, my God. That is so good. That's a big bite for a big arch. It's distinctively McDonald's. Only McDonald's could do this type of burger, but it also is unlike.

anything else on our menu. It's a delicious product. You know, you've got sort of the cheeses and the gooiness, but those crispy onions as well gives a nice texture. And of course, we've got the pickles. So I'm going to enjoy the rest of my lunch, but Big Arch, try it when you can get it. The Big Arch shots. I don't want to have that. There's a guy named Arch jerking off in the back. You know one of his employees, because he's the CEO, Spankton and the Burr. Yeah, enjoy the Big Art Shoss there. Ah, the homosexuals. Users on social media immediately jumped on Kepsinski for treating the burger like a foreign object and even doubted whether the CEO even enjoys chung down on his own company's menu items.

One guy puts, this man's aura screams kale salad. Exactly. He looks like a young George Will. That's who it is. One user commented and replied to that. This was the most unnatural thing I've ever seen. marked. Why does he look like he's scared to bite it? A young girl who's a pig said. And then another guy puts, it scares me when you call your food product. The new gargantuan burger garnered

cult fandom across Canadian and European markets in 2024 and was eventually added to the permanent menu in the UK in Ireland. All countries are not known for their food, by the way. The new big Archburger is 1,020 calories, nearly the amount in a complete Big Mac meal. That means include Big Mac with fries and a Coke. Anyways, I'll try it. I only eat fast food very rarely, but God, I love it when I do it. And the goddamn Taco Bell, I keep threatening to, they're commercials. It's like soft porn.

That's it. That was a good Monday, wasn't it? for a guy who's got almost four hours sleep over the weekend. That's it, folks. Cameo.com, if you'd like me to do a personal video, sending to somebody, you know, happy birthday to your mom, or I can tell her to pick her shoes up, they're under my bed. Or, you know, we can roast some friend of yours that likes a good ball busting.

Go to cameo.com. That's it. You guys think it. I will say it. I have been. Look where it's got me. We'll see you tomorrow at the same time. Take care. Hi. Good night, everybody.