The Nick DiPaolo Show - LA Officially Welcomes Criminals | Nick Di Paolo Show #1655

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

In this episode, Nick Di Paolo talks about Commie LA, Bragg Irony, Leno Hurt Again and more! Support the show and start your free online Hims visit at https://www.hims.com/NICKDIP Like what you hear?  Watch FULL episodes of The Nick Di Paolo Show on Rumble Premium! Use Promo Code MUGCLUB and get $10 off annually! https://rumble.com/c/StevenCrowder/live?premium_checkout=1&promo_code=mugclub&plan=annual For Tour Dates, Merch and more visit https://nickdip.com  2/20/2025 -- Bricktown Comedy Club – Tulsa, OK Follow me on Socials! https://bio.site/nickdipaolo  

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Ontario So You're entitled to shit. That's what my dad said to me. How are you folks? Great to be with you on a Wednesday. I must say Tuesday. God damn, where is this going? Holy moly. I'll give you an idea how fast time is going.

Dallas is, the kid, he's three. Three years old. Not months, not weeks. He came out, he was two and a half. Came out early and he was aged. I don't know what's going on. It's insane How are you folks?

Hey, the shirt looks good on camera Thank God for the outlet stores Real quick I'll give you some headlines that we couldn't get to because they break You know faster than your sister's neck when she falls off that thing with it. Here's a headline for you. Judge takes less than 20 minutes to find a legal migrant guilty on all counts and brutal murder of nursing student Lake and Riley.

Less than 20 minutes. My question is why did it take you that long anyways what else NFL legend who cares what Michael urban NFL legend Michael urban says the you know the Mike Tyson Jake Paul fight was totally scripted and he said that you know it's in the contract i don't know how he got word of this but it was in the contract tyson couldn't throw his upper cuts or body shots that made him famous i i believe it all whatever it was a money grab for both of them wake up folks really um what else um oh i oh we're covering the one, right? Yeah, we're covering it.

I'll skip that one. And I didn't see this, because I don't watch the view, unless I want to fucking, you know, buy another flat screen. Dejected looking, sunny host, and how could an attractive woman be so hateful and arrogant and racist?

She was forced to read an awkward legal memo on the view, after trashing Matt Gates over a tossed DOJ case. How'd that feel, bitch? It's easy to sit in a studio with like-minded audience and co-colleagues and just talk shit every morning. It's very easy. It was hilarious watching her. Oh, I saw it. I couldn't, I couldn't because I really have a crush on her. What?

I'd like to cut her head off. That's a joke too, by the way. But I mean, yeah, no, just hateful. She's everything she calls Trump supporter. Retarded. And one other quick one. Apparently, Elon Musk and Trump are inseparable. Trump said, this guy loves Mar-a-Lago, I can't get him out of it. He said that a few weeks ago. And he's everywhere with Trump and Trump is

asking him about every nomination running it by him, which is fine with me. It shows you that Trump has changed. You know what I mean? He doesn't have to be the smartest dude in the room. He's got the smartest guy on the planet sitting next to him. And of course people are going, oh, it's starting to cause a, no it isn't. And somebody else said that's bullshit. They couldn't be happier. People couldn't be happier. Anyways.

He's an outsider. Yeah, exactly. And that's what we want. Do you get it? You don't want anybody with DC roots. I mean, you needed Rubio, but he's good. For Secretary of State, I mean, he nailed all these picks. And the left has no idea where to go, what to do.

And some of these stories will prove that. Bruins, my Boston Bruins, who started the last two seasons with the best start, two years ago, the greatest season ever of a team in the NHL as far as wins and losses and then second best I think the next year or whatever they fired their coats today Because they're like eight nine or some shit remember I thought they they lost to the Columbus Blue Jackets at home I said to Andy my wife on the couch. I go he better fucking pick it up. He's gonna get can't I had no idea My brother sent me a thing today

Holy and my brother said to me the other day if they lose to the blue jackets because my brother's a blue jackets fanny Lives in Ohio. He goes if they lose to the blue jackets they stink. Oh they lost I Can't believe Montgomery's gone. We were like this guy might be one of the greatest coaches ever This is what it is in sports what What have you done for me lately? Beat it. Hate to see it, he's a UMaine alumni. Get out of here. Oh, god damn it, Dallas.

You're right. Stay right there. It'll be worth it. Dallas likes this one. Me too. How can you not like... Get out. Oh, you want to get out of here or you want the...

Well, it's a combination. I think this is the one you like more. Me too. This is the fucking owner walking in. Jim, come on in. What's the idea? Get up there. fucking owner walking in Jim come on in. What's the idea? Get upstairs. God damn Moe Howard. Love him.

Anyways, let's get to it. Shall we? Everybody knows you never go full retard. Oh boy, apparently not. In our West Coast stupid segment today, Los Angeles city lawmakers voted Tuesday, that would be yesterday, to formally adopt the Sanctuary City ordinance. Get this, weeks after President-elect Trump's victory,

amid promises to carry out mass deportation raids, the 13th, is there something missing there? The 13th 0 vote. It didn't state what they said, right? Excuse me. They're against Trump's deep mass deportation raids. So they took a vote. The city council in LA, 13-0 vote

will prohibit Los Angeles from providing any city resources or personnel to be used to help federal enforcement of immigration laws. In other words, they declare themselves a sanctuary city. It's already a shithole. People are living in droves. I love it. This is the classic West Coast stupid.

I fucking love it. There's homeless everywhere, crime, all that garbage. And this is what they just did. City attorney, Heidi, that's H-Y-D-E-E, so you know she's a douchebag. Or her mother. Feldstein, Soto, Mexican Jew Brud. There she is when they asked her how many times she's been on a diet in the last 40 years.

Oh. Along with Mayor Karen Bass, she's a nice black lady who's as dumb as a bag of rocks. That's not why she's dumb, I'm just saying. She looks like a point guard for the Nixon. Released the draft ordinance last week that was written with help from immigration groups. California has been a sanctuary state since 2017 with a passage of SB 54,

which prohibits local enforcement agencies from using resources to investigate, detain, report, or arrest people for immigration violations. Because that's what you'd wanna do, not knowing their history and they're unvetted during a debate Tuesday many public speakers push for the sanctuary ordinance saying immigrant can end of the words they're codifying it now it wasn't codified before saying immigrant community should be protected from unimaginable cruelty once again the left

fucking mental case mind runs wild. Runs wild. Somebody should go give us an example of unimaginable cruelty. How about when Obama was there and put him in cages? He started it, still not that cruel in my opinion, of raids that could separate families and target migrants who come to the US to work. That's exactly who they're not targeting. You stupid fat lady. Others raise concerns about the depletion of resources given to help illegal immigrants, given that the city's contending with mass homelessness and a housing crisis.

You know, little things like that. Many times such jurisdictions will release the suspects back onto the street without informing ICE. We all know how that works. Some have gone on to re-offend sometimes violently before being apprehended again. If that's a fact tell me am I lying? Newly appointed LA police department chief while they found another stupid left-wing

lackey Jim McDonald has said the department won't. That means the police department won't participate in immigration enforcement. There he is, half white, half Chinese. What are you doing? Ah, that's right, you get your eyes closed. Can you imagine? Can you imagine?

And that state has all the border problems. I mean, so they're gonna come over now, it's gonna turn out like what Mexico was. California's gonna, you know, they're all gonna, all those caravans are gonna stop in LA and go, let's take this state. It's already, what's there, 11 white people left? Let it burn. Let it burn. As Bill Hicks said, and he named his album Arizona Bay, because he hopes it breaks off. He says like the turd that it is and floats into the Pacific where it's flushed. He had a way with words anyways.

Can you imagine right after Trump, Trump just got a mandate from the people. Only about 78 million people voted for him. Not to mention the last election he won, but he's got a mandate and they voted because of immigration. That was a capitalist and economy and all the, and these idiots that go, no, we don't care what happened. Good luck with that. I got to believe federal dollars will not be going to California for anything.

I got to know. Let's move on. This is kind of related, ladies and gentlemen. It's got sex in it and everything. It's like a TMZ story. Do you guys hear me? What's the idea? A Venezuelan migrant with links to Tren de Agua has been arrested for allegedly robbing one of Manhattan district attorneys,

Alvin Bragg's prosecutors in her apartment after she busted him masturbating. This, now that's not a clear headline. So I don't understand the chronological order of events in this story. Did she walk in and he was already in the apartment? That's breaking at entering. So Ozzy Mastaba, you know, whatever. The Mastabaes bar is really irrelevant. It's funny.

Brandon Simosa. It's almost like a mimosa. You replace the champagne with jizz. Nick, you're funny. 25 years old, who has apparent ties to the vicious prison gang, was nabbed over this sick ordeal outside the Roe Hotel migrant shelter in midtown Manhattan. He is accused of robbing the 38-year-old assistant district attorney. She's the assistant. You guys, are you getting the irony here? She's an Alvin Bragg prosecutor.

She's the one who lets all this shit go on in him and everybody in his office. They're the ones turning criminals back out on the street. They change the bail reform shit. They are the reason for this and now she's upset because she got a little illegal jizz on her sofa. 38-year-old assistant district attorney, when she arrived home to her 44th Street pad and caught him in the lewd act at about About 2 a.m. I would have loved to been a fly on that wall Isn't that delicious the irony I'm telling you folks That is and we always say it the people that make these laws and shit like that and like the one we just did in California where they're not gonna cooperate with ice and stuff you see the people who make those laws

They live behind gates and stuff and high-rises. They don't have to deal with it You guys do but she had to deal with it and And I guarantee you, nothing will change. Alvin Bragg will go tough. Wipe it up. Let him go. Which is a, you can only take that as one way. They want to destroy the society and they're doing a pretty good job. Luckily, Trump came along. Anyways, enough of that. Well, it's kind of a related ad. Hey, so much of sex is mental, my wife tells me. If you're spending all of your energy worrying that you're not going to be able to perform, you won't. HIMS ED can help. HIMS provides access to a range of doctor trusted ED

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I can't relate Have a Tracy a crazy thing I do with superglue Some silly string in it how the hell of it. I'll tell you who might order this stuff Guy like I don't know guys in there jade Leno What what's the headline Leno is rocking and rolling this one Jay who I know by the way he put me on the show twice I can't even remember the sets apparently they weren't stellar always loved them you guys I don't know if you watch this show most years only know him as a tonight show guy who tries to please everybody

He was great at that, but I'm telling you when he was a young comic man he was like Elvis touring the country on his motorcycle and Making tons of money and like I said those performances on Letterman in the 80s David Letterman would have him on a couple times a month and he would just come out there whether he's doing stand-up or panel and just steal the show and and God bless Letterman for doing that but that's where I fell in fell in love with Letterman I mean with both of them actually but with Leno as far as he would just come on and total professional prepared he would get mad at Letterman if he butted in he's like Dave you're gonna

keep up I'm trying to... Let him just roll his eyes. Jay Leno, anyway, is the 74-year-old comedian, had a black eye. What? My eye! A swollen face and a bandaged wrist as he arrived at the Comedy for Kobe event in Beverly Hills on Monday night. Leno, who was sporting an iPad, told TMZ that he was holding up fine before revealing how he got injured.

I was staying at a hotel on a hill, he explained, he was in Pittsburgh, and I'm telling you, he was Hampton Inn in Pittsburgh. First of all, why is Jay Leno at a Hampton Inn in Pittsburgh? A Hampton Inn? He's been known to be that Scottish miser. That couldn't have been his idea. Maybe it was. Anyways, me and Artie Lang and a couple of the Stern crew stayed at a Hampton.

I know what they're talking about. And this hill's all over Pittsburgh. Behind the comedy club. I don't know where he was. He was probably at a real venue. But whatever. Anyways, I think I know exactly what hill he's talking about. He says, I was staying at a hotel on a hill.

I said, where's a good place to eat? Oh, the bottom. Jay said joking. The restaurant was there, but to get to it, I didn't have a car, so I had to walk about a mile and a half around. I said, well, the hill doesn't look that steep. Yeah, it's about 60, 70 feet. Yeah, let me see if I can go down there and, you know, I roll down the hill and the stand-up

thing hit my head on a rock, knocked me in the eye. Oh boy. Can you imagine you're passing by, just walking through the park and you see Jay Leno rolling down a hill? Why didn't anybody have a camera or phone oh my god still love them but Jay yeah I think God's trying to tell you to spend more time in well no you almost burnt yourself to death in the garage get in the recliner will you put on a lobster bib and watch matlock that's what I do I'm fucking 10 years young despite the

incident the former Tonight Show host revealed he did a comedy show before he went to the hospital in LA to get treated for his injuries. He is one tough bird. He explained that his fall occurred only a couple hours before his show started. He goes, it's not that big a deal. It's all right, he said. In November of 2022, he was working on one of his cars in his garage when it caught on fire, giving him third degree burns on his face and sending him to the ICU. Did you show the other one with the burnt face?

Go ahead. Jeez. Ow! That looks like me after they gave me the soup and we hit turbulence on a flight. The Jay Leno's garage host needed multiple skin grafts for his facial injuries. Just too much later he broke multiple bones in a motorcycle accident. It's not right. Anyways hang in there Jay.

Again couldn't have been nicer to me when he had me on the show and I'll always appreciate that. Same with Letterman put me on. Good stuff. Oh, good stuff. And he was, let me tell you something. I remember all the comedians taking Conan's side when Conan, and I love Conan too. I've done his show many times.

Love Conan. But everybody took Conan's side when Jay got booted for Conan. Remember how that went? Down the toilet in like a month? And everybody was going, Jay's a bully. I remember Kimmel saying, and I go, what are you talking about? He was still number one in the ratings when they tried to remove him. That's how dirty this business is.

Isn't that fucking insane? And Jay was just classy, but he waited around because he knew. There goes Jay now. Anyways, he knew that he'd be back and he was and and and and always was number one. Sort of like a Trumpian. Anyways ladies and gentlemen, if you're if you guys are if you guys are watching me stumble right now, I'm blind. Now if you guys want to see the the rest of my show also Lotto with Crowder and all the content available on rumble premium click on the link in the description below if you haven't

Converted to from from locals. There is a second link showing you how to do that You can subscribe for 9.99 a month or 89 dollars annually if you use my promo code mug club. That's one word so do that and again there's still in the it's in flux we understand there's some frustration out there but people are going well crowd is still on locals why isn't it but but but so I guess I'm back on local yeah we put you back on both premium and locals to keep the transition smoother. There you go. So we're trying our best here. Anyways, I need the money. Achoo. On with the show we go. Oh, I'm sorry. Tour date singular. February 20th. And that's

my choice, folks. Don't think I can't get work, but god damn. Louis, CK, text me today and said, any good comedy spots in Savannah? And I go, no. Not this kind of comedy. Yeah, well. Anyways, I said there is one place, it's a dive bar, that they do comedy once a month, I guess.

I walked in there like the second week I moved down here during the day and The guy was like cleaning up a bar time with his head down and I said, yeah, I'm a comedian I just moved he didn't even look up. Nah. Yeah, whatever Couldn't have been a bigger douchebag. I Didn't even see the comedy room. I just saw the fucking bar and I said, you know what? I've never said this but I am better than this So whatever what comedy they do have here is safe comedy bar and I said you know what I've never said this but I am better than this so whatever what comedy they do have here is safe comedy what do you mean how

what kind that's all the safe joke that you know nobody gets ruffled feathers nobody gets offended where do they do that you're right it's cabaret right they plant Riverside They have something called the Front porch improv, I guess. That's different. Yeah, that's different. Yeah, I know. No, no, no, no, but it's a different spot than what I was talking about. Yeah, no, I know. It's fucking right down Victory on the right. But yeah, then I look at that because I thought improv as in improv comedy clubs. You know, I go to the website it's there they're fucking silly hats and fucking shit that makes me bleed for

my eyes and ass should send I should have said Louie go there this place is hot somebody did that to call and Quinn Jim did Quinn do it to Jim, Jimmy Labriola. One of them just said, got to Hollywood. I think, I can't remember who did it to who. I think Quinn was the butt of the joke. And a couple of his friends said, meet us at this place. I forgot the name of it.

We'll be there at like eight. So Colin gets there. They don't show up till like fucking 8, 10. It's a gay bar. They come by, he's waiting out front with a piss looking... That's a good one. Hi. Good night everybody. I'm gonna be a man So Thanks for watching!