The Nick DiPaolo Show - Leftist Media EXPLODES over Second Whistleblower | The Nick Di Paolo Show #238

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

Second whistle blower steps forward. Meth hair-tie tangles Arkansas woman. Chinese cat got long-dong problems. 

Welcome to the Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! guitar solo All righty, all righty, all righty. How are you, folks? Welcome to the big show on a Monday. We are in our new digs, ladies and gentlemen. New studio. We'll get into that, what we had to do to get this together this weekend.

I didn't know I was a regular Bob Vila, I'll tell you. See that? Like a fucking magician. I was in Home Depot fighting with rednecks who were bitter because they're cutting wood at three in the morning. Not my fault there, Frank. Anyways, this episode of the Nick DiPaolo podcast brought to you by mybookie.ag. Mybookie.ag.

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absorption stuff. But look, I'm saving about $2,800 a month by moving here, and it's way better. But yeah, see this? Me and Jason, Home Depot, fighting with rednecks. And this guy, you know, I said, can you cut me some wood? And he's already waiting with a cuss. And the c The customer gives me a dirty look. So I give him a dirty look. And then I'm patient as I usually am. You know, 25 minutes or so. And I go around the corner.

I go, how long are you going to be? And the customer goes with a pot belly. Looks at me. He goes, he's got two more pieces of wood. And I go, but how long is he going to be? And then he goes like this. He's got two more pieces of wood to cut. And then I go and I ask how long it's going to be. Now we're staring at each other. I long is he going to be? And then he goes like this, he's got two more pieces of wood to cut. And then I go, and I ask how long it's going to be. Now we're staring at each other.

I thought we were going to fucking kill each other with two-by-fours. Piece of shit. And then we run into him later on, of course. We happen to see these kids tie some wood to the roof of the car, and, of course, he's in front of us. And he's in his car. He goes, did you get your stuff all right? Just to fuck you to me.

And I just stare at him like this. With this hateful guinea face. Go home and fuck your cousin like you were before you got here. Okay? Big dink. Anyways, so I want to thank Jason and Rich and everybody for 11 days. We're doing 11-hour days over the weekend. No break for me.

And then I fly out here on Thursday to do comedy again. Folks, I'm the hardest-working man in show business since who? Sammy Davis Jr. What? What the hell are you talking about? Anyhow, what is going on in the news? Arkansas woman. Let's open with the light stuff, huh? Arkansas

woman arrested wearing a bag of meth on her in her hair as a bow. Look, I try to listen to me, folks. You southern people. I try to defend you from the elitist assholes that I grew up with in the northeast, but you're making it

very difficult. Every week on the show, I do something. They find some lady in Alabama trying to get past TSA with a gun in her vagina. That was one of them, wasn't it? Remember, somebody had a weapon in there. If you can keep a gun in your pussy, I'm not interested. Okay? It should be not used as a gun closet, at least the way...

But Jessica Kropp... Jessica Kica crop uh jessica white people was arrested due to having five outstanding warrants when the officer noticed she was wearing a bow and a hair made of meth that's uh jessica crop right there look she's got the face of uh of every guy you know she i'm looking at this for like five minutes. First of all, I would love to see her go to a Joe Biden thing and have him sniff her hair and have that go

right up his fucking nose and then try to keep his false teeth in his mouth. Have to snort in a bag of meth. She doesn't even have the brains to paint it blue or red to match a $3 sunglass. And I'm looking at this, Rob, five minutes ago, and I know somebody who looks just like this, and we figured out who it is.

Comedian Joe Macci. You guys don't know him, maybe, but he's really funny, actually. Great comic, and that's him being serious. It's like Bill Murray. I can't look at him without laughing. Go back to his mother with a bow in her hair. Oh, look at that shirt. No, leave that.

That's every broad at Walmart buying 12,000 malted milk balls for a buck for her 11 kids. And Jesus H. Christ, has that put the tea in trash. Mama-san. Listen to the record. She's 38. She looks like she's 108. Arrested by a flippin', that's right, flippin' police officer who pulled her over, found she had five outstanding warrants for her arrest.

According to the affidavit, the arresting pulled Kropp over driving with expired tags. Kropp notified the officer that it was not her car and also that her license was suspended. The officer ran Kropp's name through the system and proceeded to arrest her after there wasn't only a confirmation of the suspended license, but five active warrants as well. Failure to appear Warren out in Flippant, two failure to appear warrants out in Marion County, one failure to appear a warrant out in Mountain Home. That says it all, doesn't it? Mountain Home. And a nonpayment of a fine warrant out of Cotter. Can you imagine?

It's fucking, it's like pulling over a mobster. Don't you move, you motherfucker. Blow your brain out. According to court documents, the officer said, are you serious? When you get a Georgia officer going, are you serious? You know the shit they pull over down here?

He noticed a small plastic bag of what appeared to be meth. I don't know how the fuck he knew that. Hey, where's the clock, guys? Do I have to fucking think of everything honestly? Rich? He spent $2,000 on it. Anyways. I appeared to be math-fashioned as a bow in Krop's hair.

She said, what? I said, you have a bow in your hair made from a bag of meth. She said, shit. She said, I don't know. I didn't know that was hair. Someone else put that there, and I didn't know what it was. Yeah, your fucking hairdresser at Supercuts framed you. Everybody hates that fucking crop rod.

Let's stick a fucking eighth of meth in her head. Good-looking broad. Wouldn't fuck her with Jason's cock. And you blew it! You blew it. Krupp was also found with other various drug paraphernalia and allegedly cooperated with the police. By cooperated, I mean she tried to blow two of them.

What? That's not in the story. She was arrested for possession of methamphetamine or cocaine with a purpose to deliver possession of drug paraphernalia, driving on a suspended driver's license, and having the face of Joe Manchi. No liability insurance. Jesus Christ, you might as well be Mexican. That was unnecessary, Nick. That was unnecessary.

Hey, we're coming to you live. You know that, don't you? We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Take it easy. What's the real important news?

And the second whistleblower adds to impeachment peril at White. I couldn't find, okay, if you vote like I do, I could not find one story that wasn't just filled, filled with left-wing bite, just the way they word the articles. And Trump and his followers pursuing this conspiracy, all this left-wing horseshit like the Russian hoax never happened and we're all crazy and stuff. I was looking for one article that was kind of right down the middle. Couldn't find it. Second whistleblower has come forward with information about President Trump's dealings with Ukraine. Attorney Mark Zed, pictured here.

Holy shit, he looks like somebody, too. Oh, he looks like that gay guy from Queer as Folk that does Chopped. This guy should be telling a 12-year-old boy to, you know, make soup out of cucumbers and Skittles or some shit. Attorney Mark Zed, who represents both whistleblowers, said in a text message to the AP that the second person has spoken to the intelligence community's internal watchdog and can corroborate information in the original whistleblower's complaint,

which we know is bullshit, in my opinion. Crucially, the new whistleblower works in the intelligence field and has firsthand knowledge of key events. Said Zed. Said Zed. Said Zed. Look at this pinhead. The emergence of the second whistleblower threatened to undermine arguments

from Trump and his allies to discredit the original complaint. They have called it politically motivated. Yeah, because it is, you fuckstains. Claimed it was filed improperly and dismissed it as unreliable because it was based on secondhand or thirdhand information, which it was. transcript of Trump's call with the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, released by the White House, has already corroborated the complaint, central claim that Trump sought to pressure Ukraine to investigate the Bidens. No, it didn't. It didn't corroborate that. There was no such thing. There was no quid pro quo. And the push came even though there was no evidence of wrongdoing by the former vice president or his son, Hunter. Can you imagine who served on the board of the Ukrainian gas company?

There was no wrongdoing, but just by Trump saying to look into it, he's corrupt? Do you think of Don Jr. sat on a board somewhere at an energy company in a foreign country and, you know, you think that might get the liberal press to ask some questions? This is all fucking bullshit. And I got a theory on this that'll let you. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. Text messages from State Department officials revealed other details,

including that Ukraine was promised a visit with Trump if the government would agree. Promised a visit? Was that in the transcript, the word promised? He promised him a visit with Trump if the government would agree. Promised a visit? Was that in the transcript, the word promised? He promised him a visit? I could be wrong. Might be. If the government would agree to investigate the 2016 election in Ukrainian gas company Burisma,

the outline of a potential quid pro quo, which has already been debunked. Jim Hines, Democrat, Connecticut, moron, stupid, asswipe, cheese dick, fucknut, member of the House Intelligence Committee said, don't you love the word intelligence is in their title? Congress, who hasn't done anything in 40 years, said word of a second whistleblower indicates a larger shift inside the government. The president's real problem is that his behavior has finally gotten to a place where people are saying enough. Is that right?

That's why he has decent approval? Here's why people, they keep pointing to the polls and going, oh, people say they should go ahead with impeachment. That's what they've been told. They've been feeding fucking lies for the last month. When you poll people, it doesn't reflect what they believe. It shapes what they believe. You are correct, sir. So it's bullshit.

You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. Y onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground, I promise you. Not this time. I think this is coming from... This has to be the Washington Post, I believe. I didn't write it down. Trump and his supporters deny

that he did anything improper, but the White House has struggled to come up with a unified response. Really? Everybody I've seen that goes on TV from the administration is saying it's baloney. No administration officials appeared on the Sunday news show to defend the president, while other Republicans focus mainly on attacking Democrats. A few Republicans suggested that Trump was only joking this past week when he publicly called on China to investigate. I hope he

wasn't joking. Hope he was dead serious. Hunter Biden and Joe pulled a billion and a half out of there. Hunter Biden, former drug addict, getting paid $600,000 a year to sit on a board of something he knows nothing about. And when Trump says we should look into that, he's the one who should be impeached. I'm going to get to Stephen Miller in a minute, because he did an interview on Breitbart News and he was on the Sunday morning show saying why this is such bullshit. Do you guys realize, you Dems, do you realize you're making your worst nightmare come true? You're being played. Go ahead.

Try to impeach him. Somebody has to explain to me that the Senate is controlled by the Republicans. As I understand it, in order to impeach a president, right, you have to get it through the House and the Senate is controlled by the Republicans. As I understand it, in order to impeach a president, right, you have to get it through the House and the Senate. So I don't – I'm missing something here. I could be wrong, but that's not going to happen. And secondly, you know what I think this is? This is – Trump's got – he's surrounded – look, he's an idiot savant when it comes to the media.

I'm wondering if this isn't all – if he drummed all this up himself. Do you understand if they try to impeach him, it's going to almost guarantee him getting elected in 2020? Just look at past presidents like Clinton, after the Republicans went after him and his ratings, approval ratings went through the roof. I mean, you guys are cutting your own throats and and just don't get blood on my shirt. Please. Lindsey Graham, 68-year-old bachelor. I actually love him. He's funny as hell.

One of Trump's most vocal backs provided perhaps the strongest defense of the president. He said there was nothing wrong with Trump's July conversation with Zelensky and that the accusation looks like a political setup. Oh, you must be a detective. As for Trump, rather than visiting his nearby golf course in Virginia for a second day, he stayed at the White House where he tweeted and retweeted with the Bidens as a main target. Picture him sitting on the toilet going, that fucking sneaky Joe. The great scam is being revealed, he said, continuing to paint himself as the victim of a deep state and hostile.

What do you mean paint himself? This is what's hilarious to me. What do you mean paint himself as a victim? He was a victim. From Obama, the whole deep state thing, it's all going to come out. Between that and you guys trying to impeach him and a good economy, good luck fucking winning that one. He's not painting himself as a victim. It was and a good economy, good luck fucking winning that one. He's not painting

himself as a victim. It was all a hoax, the Russian thing. We haven't even got to what Hillary did with her stupid server. All that's going to come out. Painting himself as he was a victim. And Stephen Miller, which I'm going to play in a few seconds, is going to prove it.

I like Stephen Miller. He's got those creepy, rapey eyes, too. Anyways, but you see the wording, painting himself as a victim. Does this sound like unbiased reporting? Honestly. The July call raised questions about whether Trump held back $400 million, blah, blah, blah.

We all know this. Hunter Biden served on a Burisma board at the same time his father was leading obama's administration's diplomatic dealing with the ukraine though the timing raised concerns among anti-corruption advocates there has been no evidence of wrongdoing by either because they haven't fucking looked into it yet that's what this is about you dingbats there's been no evidence as the fucking press looked into it they would if trump didn't bring it up we would know nothing of course there's no evidence yet sick devon nunez on it

he's a sneaky little fuck as somebody said in the animal house uh a leading candidate uh why do they put on yeah b? He's the leading candidate president. He wrote in The Post that he has a message. He has a message for Donald Trump. What are we doing? What's going on right now? That's his message to the American people. What are we doing? What's going on right now? This is your lead candidate, Dems. What are we doing? right now. This is your lead candidate, Dems. What are we doing? What's going on right now? But he had a message

of a Trump and those who facilitate his abuses of power. Please know that I am not going anywhere. Yeah, that's because you can't find your way out of your house. You're standing in New Hampshire going, I love Hawaii. Look at the sunset. Where am I?

Can anybody hear helicopters being invaded? Please know I'm not going anywhere. You won't destroy me, and you won't destroy my family. What is this, a fucking soap opera? I'm going to make this prediction again. Listen to me, and listen closely, God damn it. The Democratic nominee has not entered the race yet, okay? Whether it's a thick-ankled dog face.

I know Bill's saying, get out there, run. He wants her out of the fucking house. Run, honey, run. And if it's not her, it's going to be somebody else. Because these buffoons, sorry I'm being so biased, these buffoons, Cory Booker, what are they polling at? Bernie's fucking done. He's got a matzo ball stuck in his aorta.

He's finished. He's in his late fucking hundreds. Titless Liz Warren, she got hot for five minutes. I'm telling you, you guys don't know who the nominee is. We don't know who the Democrat is. I'm saying that. Who wants to bet me? Nobody.

I didn't think so. I'll tell you why. I'm exactly right. So it goes on. Real quick, I'll get to the funny dick joke, lighthearted, ha-ha shit in a minute. Did you see? Did you see? Did you see? Did you see Chuck Todd lose his shit

when he was interviewing a Senator Johnson today, Sunday, on Meet the Fucking, Meet the Liars? The host of one of America's leading political shows angrily interrupted a Republican senator who ignored his questions. See? Who ignored his questions. Do you see?

That doesn't belong in there when you're writing an article. And instead embarked on a rant. Embarked on a rant about conspiracy theories. Read that sentence. Does that sound like an unbiased journalist who ignored his questions and instead embarked on a rant about conspiracy theories known to be close to Donald Trump's heart? Wow, there's some good unbiased report. Chuck Todd, lying motherless fuck, anchor of NBC's Meet the Press, had asked Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson about Ukraine whistleblower scandal that led to the impeachment investigation. Let's watch Chuck Todd. And I got a couple of clips of people.

Chris Wallace is the other bitch. For you people who keep telling me Fox News is so right-wing, he's more left than this Chuck Todd almost. But watch this exchange with Ron Johnson, Senator, and Chuck Todd, a known liar, and buy his hack.

You know, I have my third letter in to the Inspector General of the Intelligence Committee asking to just confirm, just confirm, are you investigating those leaks that Peter Strzok talked about in that text? All right, Senator, I have no idea why. No, that's a setup. It is entirely relevant to this point.

Why a Fox News conspiracy propaganda stuff is popping up on here. Pause. A Fox News propaganda conspiracy is popping up. Can you imagine a guy that works for fucking NBC having the gall? A network that promoted the Russian hoax for two years and this show saying it's

a conspiracy. The fucking irony is thicker than his hair, which isn't saying much. What's he on his fifth round of chemo? Let's hope so. Back to Ron Johnson. I have no idea why we're going here. That is, that is, Senator, I'm asking about. Because this is underlying exactly why President Trump is upset and why his supporters are upset at the news media. Okay, this is not about the media. Senator

Johnson, Senator Johnson, please. Can we please answer the question that I asked you instead of trying to... My vagina's angry. It is. It's pissed off. See how upset he's getting when somebody pushes back against their left-wing horseshit propaganda? The Russian hoax happened, whether you want to believe it or not,

two years, and it was disproven. And they're fucking... They don't want to bring it up. They don you want to believe it or not, two years, and it was disproven. And they don't want to bring it up. They don't want to bring it up, but it's all right to push this. Is there more of that? That's it? Didn't he reach over and sucker them? Oh, my God, he's shitting his little pants. And any time you bring up the media being corrupt, he loses it.

But Johnson said, I think it's unfortunate that the media continues to describe this individual as a whistleblower, an honorific that this individual most certainly does not deserve. A partisan hit job does not make you a whistleblower just because you go through the Whistleblower Protection Act. Oh, this is coming up with a – sorry, this is going to be – you know who. Chris Wallace gets into it with Stephen Miller, rapey eyes, Stephen Miller, claims – and again, the headline, Chris Wallace shoots down – or this isn't the headline. This is supposed to be, you know, unbiased. Stephen Miller's claim, whistleblower is part of deep state, in quotes, you know. And I can't stand, I'm starting to really get sick of Chris Wallace, too.

He's a dirty cocksucker. Let's take a look at this. The biggest corruption scandals concerning Ukraine in the last few years. I'm not admonishing anybody. I'm simply asking, why did he go? Chris, Chris. I mean, this is, with all due respect, this is an exercise in confiscation. Why did the president go against his own Pentagon and State Department?

There's a tone of judgment in all of your questions. So, yes, you are admonishing. And I can't speak to every. No, that's judgment on your part. Pause. Shut your mouth. I know you're on the rag, you little girl. There's a tone of judgment in all your questions. He's exactly right.

Just what I was just pointing out, too, reading these headlines. They judge in their fucking questions. And as somebody pointed out, some comedian, well, you're supposed to be, when you're a comedian, you're supposed to be like a referee. And you call both sides. sides okay but one side's committing 13 flagrant files a minute am i supposed to not call them also i look unbiased or am i supposed to call them the way i see them right now the democrats are doing everything to fucking get rid of trump they have since before he came down the escalator go ahead back to this bitch speak to every single

mid-level and low-level bureaucrat in the U.S. government. This is the Deputy Secretary of Defense for Policy. You consider John Rood a minion in the State Department? John Rood, yeah. It's the president's job

and sworn duty to safeguard taxpayer dollars and the United States government's foreign policy. Getting to the bottom of a corruption scandal in Ukraine is in the American national interest. And if you want to understand why that complainant is so obviously politically biased,

when he says that the president is threatening national security by trying to expose corruption, when he says, or she, that the president is hurting national security by trying to get to the bottom of a gigantic scandal that nobody has unearthed. The president is the whistleblower here. The president of the United States is the whistleblower. And this individual is a saboteur trying to undermine a democratically elected government. Case fucking closed. Couldn't have said it. Trump must have had a meeting with his football team and said, look, you guys are playing like a bunch of

bitches. They're running all over me here. Get out there and start smacking. See Ron Johnson? He wasn't taking any of that shit. Andrew Miller? There are a few others. Andrew Miller. Stephen Miller. Andrew Miller. He's a relief pitcher. I didn't even drink last night.

What the fuck? I've been thrown off by my new surround. Andrew Miller, who also is a relief pitcher and a nasty lefty, really, really set Chris Wallace straight. I'm losing my shit. Stephen Miller. There you go. Look at him. Look at him. He should have a black cape on doing magic in Long Island. Welcome. It's a saboteur.

The president has done nothing wrong. He looks like the cop in 48 Hours, the white cop, remember? Fucking Nick Nolte, the guy gets his gun, he goes, God damn it, don't Fucking Nick Nolte, the guy gets his gun, he goes, God damn it, don't give me to Jack! I love this guy. Some of these guys.

This guy does not play. The point is, folks, I'm sorry, but after the Russia hoax, this seems to be a bit of a scam. Hey, how's it sounding, guys? I know it's a little, is it all right? Yeah? Because I'm, you know, I feel like I'm in a fucking tunnel somewhere. And that air conditioning, I know it's loud,

but it's fucking 1,200 degrees Fahrenheit in here right now. So enough of that, okay? If you people don't know by now that the left is doing anything they can to get rid of Trump, I mean, for Christ's sake, you do have some smart people on your side. Alyssa Milano, Nancy Pelosi, Jim Carrey. They're all making terrific points. Deborah Messing, her pants. Rich, what are you doing, buddy? Anything to say? What's going on? I'm sitting on a table. Yes, he is. We got to get a picture of that. I got to thank Rich, man. He doing, buddy? Anything to say? What's going on? I'm sitting on a table.

Yes, he is. We've got to get a picture of that. I've got to thank Rich, man. He tore it down. We had that big backdrop, which is the size of a highway billboard. And Rich took it down with a Swiss Army knife. It took him about 11 hours. He lost two.

Look at this. My faggy glasses just broke. Tommy thinks these make me look old. Wait till I do this. Well, anyways, in sports news today, I forgot that when I mentioned mybookie.aga, I forgot to mention you people. There's 100 people in a football pool.

Who's number one right now after four or five weeks? You're looking at the kid. And you know what I do to pick my teams as opposed to reading stuff like I did the last ten years? I pick the names out of a fucking hat. So all you people who gamble on the NFL, if you're sitting there looking at pie charts of the Steelers' defense, you're wasting your fucking time. So I feel good about that.

It's mean to other people. I could win it tonight. That would mean, you know, 12 bucks. Anyways. Hey, look at this. Guys, you know, let's talk about sex. And if you're going to have sex, don't wear these glasses. Let's talk about good sex.

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Promo code at Nick to try it for free. Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the Nick DiPaolo show. Tour dates, and you can get these at nickdip.com. We have tour dates this Thursday. Oh, my God, that's here already. I'm going back to the scene of the crime where a mental patient in Birkenstocks almost blinded me.

Levity Live, which is one of the most beautiful clubs in the country. I'll be there this Thursday night. Then the next night, this Friday night, the Strand Theater in Seymour, Connecticut. And Friday, November 8th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City in Kansas City, Missouri. Can't wait for that. And is that it? Huh? There's more?

What are you waiting for, fuckface? Okay, now it's there. Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York. I'm waiting on you. Comedy, that was the 15th. The 16th, Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs, New York. Friday, November 22nd, the Historic Ritz Theater in Brunswick, Georgia. Saturday, November 23rd, the Tift Theater in Tifton, Georgia.

Tuesday, December 31st, Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. And then in 2020, Friday, January 24th, the Ridgefield Playhouse in Ridgefield, Connecticut. Saturday, February 15th, the Kelsey Theater, Lake Park, Florida. Friday, April 3rd, Morgan Hill Event Center. That sounds like really grandiose. Herman, Maine. It's an event center. What kind of events? I don't know.

Car shows. We had a fucking midget birthday party there. Herman, Maine. Go to nickdip.com and get that. Rich, how you doing? How's that table working out? Rich is sitting on a wooden table.

He looks like a pilgrim being punished, stealing. My ass fell asleep. Your ass. Can we play that back? We can't, can we? My ass fell asleep. He's so unfunny, he makes himself unfunny and uncomfortable.

We do have a shot of him. Go ahead. You stay there, Rich. I don't want to hear a word out of you until you get feeling back. Can you call that an ass? Jesus H. Christ. You look like a six-year-old white woman. Go ahead.

Say it. Rich, you can talk. Say it. I'm in detention. You're in detention. His ass fell asleep to match his brain. Anyways, he was invaluable this weekend. He was very invaluable.

He tried to talk me and Jason into putting braces on the bottom of this thing, which weren't needed. That would have cost me another $100. Anyways, he gets a lot of ass rich, some of it female once in a while. But let's get back to the show. Tommy's going, what the fuck? It just came the fuck off. It's bothering me.

All right, let's get back to it, huh? This is my favorite story of the day. Very important. Male cat needs glucose drip after mating with five females in one night in a pet hotel. If I were king of the forest, not queen. That's from The Wizard of Oz

and they were making gay jokes back then. Not queen. Because you know the guy in that lion suit was a big fag. There's no fucking doubt about it. Just mine. I hate stories from China because how would you

pronounce X-I-A-O-P-I? Anybody want to take a shot at that? Shall pee? Shall pee? Shall poop? A Russian blue What's that? another form of ivory,

was left at a pet hotel by his owners, Mr. and Mrs. Zhao, in Guangdong province. Can I make this up? In South China, where Jason has a summer home and a timeshare, with a kid named Ching-Flock. Mr. Zhao said he specifically told the business that Zhao Pi had not been neutered. I thought they'd be professional, but the staff member didn't feed Zhao Pi during the day and let him out to roam freely at night, the cat said on social media. That's right, all the cats were free to walk around, and the shop and the employee went home.

Between 10.40 p.m. and 5 a.m., my cat mated with five female cats, and those are only the ones I could see in the closed-circuit TV footage. We have a picture of the cat. Of course he did. That's fucking beautiful. I mean, can you blame the rest of the...

What is that? I guess that's his tail, but... Man, if I had a schlog like that, I'd be getting pussy too, just like him. But that is tremendous. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. This is the actual cat.

Oh. Oh my god, that cat is so cute, I'd have sex with it. Look, and he's exhausted. It's like Ray Lewis. He just banged like ten hookers. I'm gonna sit back and take a nap in this motherfucker. Look.

Is that not the most beautiful cat? I'm not a big cat person, but I would make mittens out of that one, I'll tell you. That's a cutie pie. What a stud. Zao claims the pet hotel staff then blamed him for the incident and complained that some of the cat owners weren't planning

on having kittens. He said, they had the nerve to be upset with me. They wanted me to explain the situation to all the other owners. I'm just glad they didn't make a sandwich out of them. You know us Chinese. What? That's the Koreans, you racist prick. He says, the guy starts cursing.

My fucking cat's exhausted on a glucose drip, and this is my fault? He added, they're going to compensate each pregnant cat's owner. They apologize and offer to make things right. They're going to compensate each pregnant cat's owner with a 500 remedy. That would be zen. I have no idea. It's 110 bucks. They have promised to sell any kittens on their behalf and to deep fry the other ones.

I don't like the racist tone of this article. This Chinese man is confusing Asian people. The other owners have also told me they'll either give me a kitten or $220 if the cat turns out to be pregnant. I will take it to Pren Pren Hood. Look at me. He's just all pussied out. Goddamn.

Zhao said Zhao Pi has since regained his strength and is in stable condition. I would love to fuck so much that they say they fucking hospitals that you're in stable condition. I would love to fuck so much that they say,

they fucking hospitals that you're in stable condition. Can you imagine? I like to fuck so much they go, he's on life support. This guy is critical. He's dangling by a...

Did I really just report on cats fucking in China? Rich, can you send me something a little relevant? I don't know. I don't know how to tie in China? Rich, can you send me something a little relevant? I don't know how to tie that into the fucking, you know, the politics we're doing on the show. Oh, yes, I can. Speaking of pussies, AOC.

AOC, during a town hall event in New York, a woman claimed that people need to start eating babies in order to solve climate change, to which AOC nodded her head in agreement. Now, the broad, it was since revealed it was a put-on. She was a plant or whatever,

but that's not the point. AOC didn't know that, and she kept nodding with, you know, because that's what happens. When you're a lib, you can't judge other people's behavior. It's one of the main tenets. You don't judge other people's behavior. As crazy as she was.

Imagine if it was Trump was up there in LA. He goes, we got to start eating babies. He goes, look, I already grabbed pussies. I'm not going to eat babies. How many babies should we eat? Three? They're delicious. You know, I ate a few babies as a kid.

Let's show the video of this lady who, again, turned out to be a plant from somewhere. Go ahead. For much long because of the climate crisis, we only have a few months left. I love that you support the Green Deal, but it's not getting rid of fossil fuel. It's not going to solve the problem fast enough. A Swedish professor saying we can eat dead people, but that's not fast enough. So I think your next campaign slogan has to be this. We've got to start eating babies.

We don't have enough time. There's too much CO2. Pause, pause, pause. Let me make a point here. Those are all AOC libs in the audience. That's how fucking humorless they are. They didn't even laugh when she said that. That room should have broken

out like a fucking somebody just delivered the greatest joke of all. They didn't even giggle. You got Jim Gaffigan's dad over there. But just, they're just humorless. They're just, that place should have broken up and AOC should have said, please remove this fucking mentally ill.

But no, no. Trump would have had it thrown out, then shot. My type of president. Go ahead. All of you, you're, you know, you're pollutant. Too much CO2.

We have to start now. Please, you are so great. I'm so happy that you really support a nuclear deal, but it's not enough. You know, even if we would bomb Russia, we still have too many people, too much pollution. Russia? So we have to get... Hold on.

That's when I knew... Why am I getting crackled, Jason? Are we coming in hot on my mic or whatever? I don't know. We have to bomb Russia. Why would you do... Russia, people don't fuck in Russia anymore. Their populations are going down. Anyways, go ahead. I want to hear more of this mentally ill. Rid of the babies.

That's a big problem. Just stopping having babies is not enough. We need to eat the babies. And this is very serious. Please give a response. Now they're getting upset. We'll go ahead. Okay.

Yeah. She's nodding. We'll go ahead. No, no, no. Yeah, no. Thank you. Pause. yeah no we'll go ahead it's a no no no yeah no thank you so bon appetit make me a sandwich make me a fucking sandwich go ahead i think um yeah no so one of the things that's very important to us is that we need to treat the climate crisis with the urgency that it does present. Hate shoes. Hate shoes.

Luckily, we have more than a few months. Hate shoes. More? I did not cut it off there, Jason. All right, give me a second. I'll get more. That's not what I'm asking you to do, you fucking wise ass. Is that really where it cut off?

You sure? Maybe. Rich, how's your back? I'm going to need a brace. And your fucking neck. Go ahead. Super chat. We have three today.

OBVY, Obby. Must be a Jewish kid. Go ahead. Super chat. We have three today. OBVY, Obby. Must be a Jewish kid. Shut up and read it, you fucking unfunny idiot. Said, just noticed you got to 100K subs, Nick. Nice work. Thank you so much. It's probably, you know, the real number is probably 200,

but we don't know what the Indian fellas at Google have in store for me. But go ahead. One of our regulars, Marie Dugdeep, she said, Hunter. Marie Dugdeep? Dugdeep. That's not her last name. Marie Dugdeep. She's Indian.

Hello, Nick. How are you? Marie Dugdeep here. I noticed that you like Slim Jims. Go ahead. She said, Hunter Biden, what a douche. All right. And then Pastor George, he said, from our four-month-old granddaughter who is babysitting me, of course, wearing earplugs, love your stuff, Nick.

I appreciate that, Pastor George. That was creepy. Who's wearing the earplugs? He is? The granddaughter. The granddaughter is? What is she, a bitch? She'll listen to you, Grampy.

Pastor George is a fine man. He had a dream. Ah, I'm getting my reverends of pastors in here. Anyways, but the point being, can you imagine if Trump was up there and somebody was going, you know, we have to – there's too many blacks. Too many blacks in the country. We have to start eating blacks. And Trump just nodded his head and said, I'm going, shut the fuck up before I bitch slap you or have Lewandowski do it.

But this isn't even news. Did you see the people in the room just sitting there going, quiet. They thought she was serious. That's how stupid they are on the left. Well, I've eaten a few babies. They're not bad. You ever have them garlic lemon? Yummy.

More proof that there's a gay agenda in the country. What are you talking about, Nick? Well, I'm talking about Ronald McDonald getting a sexy beefcake makeover. I'm telling you the world is run by ten guys and seven of them are gay and the other two are transgender. I'm dead serious. Just watch the commercials oh did I get

I forgot to mention when I flew Delta you know how you stand in the runway in that tunnel as you're getting on the plane posters, ads black soldier, female soldier Asian couple Hispanic guy with like a I don't know

Indian woman I'm looking for the white person. And they finally found the white guy at the end of the tunnel in the poster. He's got his head on his white boyfriend's shoulder. Don't tell me there's no agenda. And then I get on the plane. Delta runs that thing, you know, the safety film. Of course, you know, every time they said don't do this, like don't smoke on the plane, they shut a white guy in a suit smoking. You know, shut off your computers when you're – I almost said appliances. Shut off your dishwasher when you're taking off.

Again, they shut the white guy in his – it's fucking – I can't take it anymore. You can think I'm a conspiracy nut. You just haven't picked up on it. I've been ahead of the curve for 30 years. So I got on, and I need the gay flight attendant right in his balls. I had to step over a miniature pony to do it, but...

Ronald McDonald gets a fucking makeover. Rich, did you send me this one? I did indeed. Yeah, I appreciate it, because I love ones like this. I take 10 minutes, and then at the bottom it says it was all a hoax. Do you just look at the headlines and send them to me? I do.

See that, Raz? You're getting a valuable lesson. Ronald gets sexy beefcake makeover. What's going on? And I don't even know who did it. England? I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.

Oh, it's Japan. Japan. Ronald McDonald's packing fries. The country has a long history of being at the forefront of offbeat sexual fetishes. Is that true? I know they go nuts at karaoke. They actually kill each other. From Pillow Hugging.

That sounds gross. Who's the Japanese guy? The Japanese Mike Lindell? Go ahead. Macau Lindell. That was actually funny. I had no idea what he said. From Pillow Hugging, That was actually funny. I had no idea what he said. From pillow-hugging sexual satisfaction

to actresses who get their hair cut in order to thrill specifically horny viewers. How does that get a guy, huh? If you shave like Jennifer Aniston's head, I'd start crying. But if you were like, you know, giving Melissa Milano a haircut and the knife slipped and took her eye out, I'd be

fucking in love with her. Buff Ronald McDonald with a french fry sticking out of his bikini briefs represent the fast food giant catering to potential customers with a heretofore under-publicized link. What are they talking? I can't even fucking follow this stupid thing.

I'm gay. I'm really gay. I'm super duper gay. I'm gayer than a rainbow. I'm gayer than a... Thank you for ruining McDonald's french fries for the rest of my life. First thing I do when I get fries,

I check for pubes. Jesus H. What is going on in Japan? Is that what Japanese girls want? Suck a little dick, order a fries on the side, nice? You guys are filthy over there. Should have finished

the job. What? Apparently the fraud stud has been hacked into by somebody since the post confirmed with a McDonald's spokesperson that the images are not company affiliated. Well, thanks for clearing that up. I really didn't think McDonald's was going to go, that's a good idea, let's have a girl too,

and we'll put a fucking fillet of fish on her tits. This fake promotion for Mickey D's favorite side order begins. Favorite side order. It says favorite. Circulating around the internet last week and it seems to be going strong as reported by Men's Health. However, Raunchy Ronald's most likely lifted from a cheeky illustration by the Brooklyn based artist Wizard Skull. Jason, you have a lot of Wizard Skull's artists in your kitchen, don't you? He can be seen on his website, Wizard Skulls,

so-called sexy Ronald's popular with a pirate at street vendors in a country as far-flung as Thailand, where they like a nice order of McDonald's french fries with a 12-year-old girl. The artist offers no explanation as to how you know, McDonald's french fries with a 12-year-old girl. Hmm.

The artist offers no explanation as to how his perverse take on the franchise mascot wound up adoring an actual ad for the very operation he's skewering. Good for you. I don't know what it all means, but why does it always go there? Go ahead, Rich. I have some late- super chats um stand up global said really with the broken glasses nick way to plow through that's like kurt schilling playing with the broken ankle you're a gamer hashtag cheap prick hashtag cheap prick I'm a cheap prick. Somebody from Stand Up Global said, yeah, I'm a cheap prick.

I just thought I'd report. Reality Nonfiction said, Nick, report to HR now for me sitting on a table. And Marie said, blacks do make great barbecue. Who said they don't? The fucking Marie. What was that about? Blacks make break. Remember, she dug deep today.

Callback. Go fucking die in a hallway. Blacks make great barbecue. They make great point guards, too. What's your point? And fucking running backs and wide receivers and quarterback. Jason just shit his pants on that one. He goes, I can't believe even after doing this show, that one caught me.

I go, how am I a cheap prick? Yeah, you know, because when you buy reading glasses, you're supposed to spend, what, $300 a pair when they break every fucking five minutes? Motherless fuck. Hey, Tommy, give me an earpiece, too. You keep talking about it. Speaking of cheap prick, mail me one and I'll wear it. Because I'm looking at these.

You're right. I look like a defensive coordinator for fucking Oklahoma. What's it about 110 in here? We shut the air off because it sounds like a fucking layer jet. I have a stream of water going in the crack of my ass like the fucking Grand Canyon right now. I'm so upset I don't know if I should do this important story about people lighting their hair on fire at a wedding in Brazil. Where did you go to? Irrelevant Weekly for these stories?

You fucking dickless wonder you. Let's start off with a light one. That'll work. Just show this video and let's make fun of it. I hope somebody dies. It's a wedding somewhere. How does that not hurt? It's a great head and shoulders commercial. No, no, no.

Am I lit? Yeah, you're lit. Yes, good. You're clean. On your side. All right, get ready to laugh. You're lit. You're lit.

Yeah, go. Yeah. There was a level of clarity. I'm not used to it. Yeah, lit. Lit. Yeah. Jerry did very smoothly there. Oh, God.

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life. That's not that impressive. Do it with your pubes. Then I'll be fucking impressed. Burn your french fries down there. Hand them around the table. Nice. That was really ridiculous.

You know, I worked on my hair a long time, and you hit it. Go ahead, Rich. I'd rather be the cat in China. I'd rather be the cat in China. You have no concept of what a callback is. It has to be relevant to the conversation you're having now. I know you're the foil and you're supposed to be the unfunny one,

but you don't have to try. I mean, you have cancer of the funny bone. That's why I'm sitting on a table. Again, strike three. You get caught looking. Sit down. Jace, I don't know what else to say. Well, that's it.

Go ahead, Jace. Where else can they catch you live? Where else can they catch me live? Where else can they catch me live? I don't know what that means. More tour dates? More tour dates. Am I supposed to memorize them? You're going to put them up, you fucking unctuous piece of cheese?

Thursday. Is this Tommy's idea? I just read these five minutes ago, Tom. Thursday. This will make a big difference. We'll have three more people at Levity Live. Thursday, October 10th, Levity Live, Nyack, New York. Friday, October 11th, that's the next night,

the Strand Theater in Seymour, Connecticut. Friday, November 8th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City in Kansas City, Missouri, not the other one. Friday, November 15th, Rich's Mother's House when I pick up my shoes. Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York. Saturday, November 16th, the Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs, New York.

Friday, November 22nd, the Historic Ritz Theater, Brunswick, Georgia, where the Klan started. Saturday, November 23rd, the Tift Theater in Tifton, Georgia. And then New Year's Eve, one of my favorite venues, the Tarrytown Music Hall in Tarrytown, New York.

Friday, January 24th, the Ridgefield Playhouse in Ridgefield, Connecticut. This is in 2020. Saturday, February 15th, the Kelsey Theater in Lake Park, Florida, where I have three kids and a trailer home. Friday, April 3rd, the Morgan Hill Event Center in Herman, Maine. event center in Herman, Maine. That means I'm now considered an event. Like an eclipse, a moon landing, or a boarding

a 12-year-old fetus. Alright, kids. That is it for today. Do I have everything? Any other rules I should know about? I better lay off the fucking beer. I'm really heavy today. That is it. Remember, you guys think it. I will say it. You're very welcome. And we Remember, you guys think it.

I will say it. You're very welcome, and we'll see you guys. Go to nickdip.com and patreon.com. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Take care of yourselves, aight? guitar solo We'll see you next time.