The Nick DiPaolo Show - Liberal Judges Equal Crime | Nick Di Paolo Show #697

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

NBA animal rights activists rushes court. Catch and release in NYC. It doesn't "add" up. Trump busts Biden's balls. Murray ruffles some panties.

🎵 Oh yeah, oh yeah. How are you folks? Dirty Monday, filthy, filthy Monday. That's all there are is Mondays. Let's not kid ourselves, It's like Groundhog Day. Good to be with you. How was your weekend? I lost my fucking wallet, which I've never done as an adult. I haven't. Never lost a wallet, ever. Lost one when I was in high school on spring break, Fort Lauderdale.

I got home. Guess what was in the mailbox when I got home my wallet with the money still in it oh I'm sure that'll happen today I don't I went to a fucking bar got a haircut went to the bar I remember paying with my credit card at the bar I checked the credit card

company that's where it was used last. Fucking went back there yesterday, looking where I parked, went in the fucking bar. Good shit face, fell down, lost my pants. Now listen. No.

Yeah. And of course the fucking young broads behind the, you know. No. The bartender goes, that's funny. We've had like four complaints like that in the last two days. I go, really?

You think there might be a fucking pattern? Maybe somebody that works here are a regular? She didn't even connect the two. Really? We've had 11 rapes in the bathroom. But I am fucking, here's what I'm doing now. Nobody's used it yet, the credit cards or anything. I'm giving it a couple days because somebody could mail it.

Savannah's as friendly as it gets. If there's any town left, that somebody might do that, you know. Unless they recognize my name and my license and they vote Democrat. Right now the guy's wiping his ass with my conceal and carry fucking... And then mailing it back. And then mailing it back. And then mailing it back. Exactly. Hey, this $5 bill smells like caca.

Yeah, so I've never, you know, I don't want to cancel everything quite yet. I'm going to give it a day or two. If you're out there and God damn it. What a weird feeling. You feel fucking naked without your wallet. Because I'm a shopaholic.

Yeah, so that was that. Fucking, it's weird. What else? Frigging Red Sox did something that's never been done in MLB history. They got no hit by the Tampa Bay for nine innings. Tampa only had one hit. Get this game. Goes into extra innings.

They do that stupid rule where they put a guy on second base now, like we're playing Little League fucking rule. I was told by my buddy, who's best friends with Angel Fernandez, the fucking umpire, that they were getting rid of that this year. So apparently not. So the Red Sox start with a guy in second. Bobby Dahlbeck gets up, hits a triple to right the first hit of the game for the Red Sox. Scores a run.

It's 1-0. Vasquez gets up, hits a deep fly to the left. Guy tags up, 2-0 Red Sox. All excited. Okay, now we go to the bottom of the 10th. Fucking. I mean, the announcers, everybody's like, yeah, we got this one in the fucking bag.

Get the first two guys out. They're down to their last fucking out. Again, there's a guy in second, right? Guy in second. Ground ball to Trevor Story, our big pickup. Is that his first name? Story, whatever. He's playing second base. He's a natural shortstop. So he's still learning to throw from like right field. You know how the second baseman played deep in the, he makes a throwing error. Now you get guys at first and third. Again, with two outs,

all this is happening. Kiermaier comes up, hits a fucking three-run home. Game over. Your cyst is filthy, box hole. I know it's only April. It's tossing and turning. But I'm telling you, Sox have some flamethrowers coming out of the bullpen. And even the guy that came in last, throwing 96-90, they couldn't get a bat on him. And if Story makes that play, game over.

So, not that upset, but they fucking lost the series. Because they lost yesterday, dinks. And I'm sure you guys appreciate that. I'm updating you on the Red Sox. You're probably from fucking San Jose watching the show. What other thing did I want?

Oh, and Gila... Wait a minute. Relax. He's so jealous and so hungry he can't wait to get to my dish. Alright, I'll do it now since you put it up. This is a dish. I based it on a few dishes I've had over the years. Those are chicken

tenders, my friends. You know, I deep fried. Those are hot cherry red peppers. That's garlic, chunks of garlic in there, in a white sauce, kind of a white wine sauce, with a hit of parmesan at the end. I have never, I ate that whole, that's how I served it to myself, in that pan. Do you understand how hot, red hot cherry peppers are? I ate every fucking, I thought I was having triplets at three in the morning.

My ass was on fire, and I don't mean good looking. I added a little sweet and sour component to it. I hit it with a little honey, the chicken fingers when they come out, and then I hit it again at the end staple, little honey, and then red wine vinegar gives it a sweet sour component. This thing could win an award. I swear on my mother. But you've got to have a tolerance for fucking spice.

Because my nose was dripping and my stomach's probably half gone like my grandmother. She had to have her stomach fixed. She used to eat the peppers like they were fucking canned. With the seeds in them. That's what burns your asshole by the way, the seeds. We're going to do a food segment every day.

We have to. But let me tell you something. That was, I don't mean to brag. That's something you pay $40 for in an Italian restaurant. I swear to God. So Dallas is going to do it. Poison him and Gianna. It'll be terrific when you come and your ass hairs are singed.

And finally, anybody catch? This is me. I'm at the bar with a couple drinks with me. It's how stupid and how bad my memory is. I see Fury. This guy Fury, a fighter. I'm thinking MMA. So I order the fight. I'm thinking, I forgot he was a heavyweight

boxer. I pay $70. I'm not into boxing anymore. Although I've seen this guy fight. That's why I ordered. But I thought, I was thinking I saw him as an MMA fighter. He's 6'9". 6'9", 260. He's literally a gypsy

from the UK. Grew up like a fucking gypsy, whatever the fuck. 6'9", 260. Fighting a guy that was like, a black guy like 250 or 260. So he towered whatever the fuck. Six foot nine, 260, fighting a guy that was like, a black guy, like 250 or 260. So he towered over the guy, but this guy was, they get into it, it gets ugly. Elbows, they start tackling each other, the ref fucking warning them. And then in, I don't know, fourth or fifth round, he catches him with a fucking uppercut. Do you know how much leverage when you're six nine and your arms are 10 feet long?

He hit this guy. I thought his head was going to pop off, like Rock'em Sock'em Robots. Remember? This guy was out on his feet, and he hits him with the uppercut, and then he goes like this. He pushes him like this,

and the guy, like he cut a tree down, out like a fucking light game over. And then he grabs the microphone. He always does this. He did it in Vegas. What song did he do in Vegas? It's a song that we all know. But he grabs the microphone after a few interviews. 94,000 people at Wembley Stadium

watching. 94. Sets a record. Starts singing American Pie. The whole first verse. He's such a ham and fucking likable. They went shithouse. He says he's retiring.

So, I don't know. We'll see him in Vegas doing his show tunes. But anyways, that was almost worth the $70. 94,000 fucking people going nuts. And Guy Lafleur, they had a big ceremony for Guy Lafleur. The Canadians, the Bruins, played him last night, and that was, I was sitting there, my eyes were filling up. All these fucking sports heroes I have are dropping dead,

which means I'm on deck. It's a matter of time, if I'm lucky. But I started thinking about my buddy Greg, my best friend who passed away. Me and him fucking obviously hated the canadians with a passion being from boston but you couldn't hate gila fleur even as it was a he was just a classy guy blonde flowing hair he skated 200 miles an hour had a slop shot a slap shot that he had 60 goals a couple times and he fucking broke the bruins heart in 1978. Anyhow, very, very classy the way they do.

They, they fucking, his face was everywhere on the, standing ovation for just his number up. They had a light on his number on the, had to go 10 minutes. It would start to die down. It would get fucking, for like 10 minutes. Because hockey is, you know, in Montreal. Anyways, let's get on the show.

Let's see how many fags we can talk about and a couple of angry minorities. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich! In our Shut Up and Make Me a Sandwich. We're going to go on a diet tomorrow. Sandwiches. Make me a sandwich segment tonight.

An animal rights protester. Oh God, they're the worst. Them and the environmentalists, I don't know who's... They're both domestic terrorists, by the way, Joe Biden, you dumb twat. Why don't you pick on them, guys and women who do actual violence? An animal rights protest wearing an NBA referee jersey stormed on the court during the Minnesota Timberwolves and Memphis Grizzlies playoff game that I wouldn't watch if it was in my kitchen. Yuck. At Minnesota's Target Center Saturday night, the third protester

removed from the court in 10 days. The woman was sitting on the second row courtside behind the Timberwolves owner, Glenn Taylor, when she forced her way onto the court as players fought for a rebound with 1044 left in the third quarter. Well, I don't want to break up the meeting or nothing, but she's something of a cunt, ain't she, Doc? How do you mean that? She likes a rigged game, you know what I mean? Ugh. Did we show her?

Look at this. Look at this. Look at her ugly lesbian friends. Look at these men. Look at that. Wonder why she's a, huh? Once again, my theory in life, women who nobody wants to fuck,

angry at the world. Let's join a group of people just like us and pretend we're doing good. Look at her hand. She could palm a basketball herself, that last hee-shee. Did you see? What? Apparently, by watching that, apparently the security was tipped off that this might happen, I'm guessing. Because they were right there.

Well, look at this image. This image right here has, he is just about to bear hug her as she's in midair. Yeah, she's not even off, she's not even on the goddamn court yet. You ignorant slut. According to the animal rights group, she attempted to whistle to stop play as she approached Taylor at his courtside seat to issue a technical foul and dejection, along with a fine against Forbes' richest billionaire in Minnesota. Once again, the ugly activist, cuckoo, whether it's animal or fucking climate change, cuckoo broad, hates billionaires because you don't have the ability ever to become one. It's got nothing to do with sexism. This is the third protest at a Temple Wolves game orchestrated by the organization. Why do you let them in? I mean, I guess they don't announce who they are. On April 16th, during game one of the playoff series, an animal rights activist chained herself to the basket

stanchion. I would have beat her to death with a fucking bat because she couldn't get away, or light her on fire like ISIS does. The woman wearing a t-shirt that read Glenn Taylor roasts animals alive. Bon appetit. Tried to lock herself to the hoop during a stoppage of play in the second quarter after throwing flyers on the floor.

Direct action everywhere. Identified the woman as Zoe Rosenberg. She's a malignant cunt. Oh, take it easy. Is that her? That's her? Angry Jew broad. Look at her.

Look at her. She's a man. Look at the brother next to her. Jesus Christ. Should have choked her out. Three days earlier, another woman from the organization, they call them women, glued her wrist to the court during the second quarter of the Timberwolves home game against the Clippers. I'm telling you, NBA, you got to use this shit to your advantage. They should have left you there for the rest of the game. And anybody goes by,

gets to kick her in the face. And if you don't kick her in the face, it's a foul on you. Look at that dumb. What kind of glue works that quickly, by the way? I don't know. Must be gorilla glue because look at her. Because of chickens. And all this was about, they said 5 million chickens had to be destroyed

because of swine flu, not swine flu, bird flu disease, whatever the fuck. I heard up to 30 million. Whatever, but I don't care. Fucking broads charging the court. You fucking whore.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Go home, get my dinner ready. Make a chicken. Oh, my God. Come on. You hear what's going on, folks, as far as listen to this again. Saw this on and again, Fox News.

Sorry. Fucking Tucker Carlson has the best show in his ratings. He's got democrats more democrats watching it than cnn and msnbc combined so don't tell me um anyways we've had in the last 12 months we've had over 14 food processes food processing places shut down two of them were hit by planes and the other ones i can't remember. There's a bunch of reasons. It's very weird, though. That happens.

The chicken industry just destroyed 30 million chickens. China's buying up farmland like crazy. Do you see? That could lead to a shortage. People are predicting it. But you guys, just be aware. All kinds of shit's going on. Well, we're fighting over fucking pronouns. This is what's happening under our fucking nose. Aye, aye, aye. So

go to a basketball game. That's how dumb they are. Do that at a football game that gets real fucking audience. WNBA, nobody gives a shit anymore. I got news for you, even in the playoffs, apparently. Let's move on. Speaking of chickens, catch and release. Huh? Four men, this is the next story, folks. Four men allegedly busted with weapons, including some that were loaded by the NYPD's new anti-gun unit were allowed to walk free within hours of their arrest, thanks to lax judges and bail reform. They just said, go ahead, go hurt somebody. Bye-bye. Yeah, exactly.

Here's the problem, folks. And white supremacists predicted it. My late great friend went to these meetings and said the libs are going to have all the judges, minority police commissioners. Of course, they blamed it on, you know, people blame the world things on. and said the libs are going to have all the judges, minority police commissioners. Of course, they blamed it on, you know, people blame the world things on. I'm just saying. And it's all going down. They might have been racist and ignorant as far as that goes,

but the NYPD said the new neighborhood safety teams made 25 gun arrests in their first three weeks since launching in March, but the Post was only able to obtain court records or information for 12 of the cases. I wonder why that is. Of those 12, just one man remains behind bars, meaning 11 of the defendants are back on the street, including the four who were cut loose with no bail. And we wonder why crime's out of control in New York. The others had posted bail that was set in their respective cases. What the hell's going on out here? Lib judges, that's what's going on. Lib lawyers, it's all... Guys, it just shows how much they hate you, the taxpayer. They don't respect... It's fucking priceless. Between Biden

letting people pour over the border, we have no idea who they are, letting criminals loose, and you guys go to work every day and pay your taxes and shit, and you'll be the victim, or your mother, or your wife, or brother or sister of this eventually. One of the sprung includes, I wonder what color this guy is, Tyquise Bell. Tyquise, that's my new stage name, Tyquise DiPaolo, 23, who was allegedly nabbed by NST cops on March 30th in the Bronx after they spotted a 9mm Taurus pistol, which I just got one from my late great buddy uh inside the lower leg of his pants surprised he had pants on i found it this is what he says the suspect i found it for sure two days ago i've only had it for two days bell lindsey told police during the bust according to a criminal complaint you're lying oh they know they can play the system.

During his arraignment the next day, the Bronx District Attorney's Office and Judge Srinath Pappashan, there's the Indian smack-a-fucker face. You stupid Pappashan. What is that? Sounds like a new product from Papa John's. Try the Pappashan. The Pappashan. Yeah, product from Papa John's. Try the Papa Sean.

Yeah, the Papa Sean. Sort of like the Pizone, only Indian. This is the judge that released, are you happy, brown, female? You wonder why the country runs best with old white guys running it? Papa Sean, a former public defender. And, oh, here's the kicker, a Bill de Blasio appointee. You see how that works? The Trump appointee last week took care of business as far as, what was the ruling she made? Was that the fucking, the dissent? It was the mask mandate. The mask mandate.

Thank you very much. Well done, producer. I got no memory. It's the mask mandate. The mask mandate. Thank you very much. Well done, producer. I get no memory. It's getting worse. Anyways, de Blasio appointee agreed to spring him on supervised release because the charges weren't bail-eligible, record show. What else is he going to do? How is that even legal? That guy's going to go hurt somebody else. A day later in Brooklyn, two more NST arrestees were freed shortly after the arrest on gun charges.

And again, I don't want to hear how racist the legal system is ever again. And by the way, this isn't just a recent occurrence letting violent people back on the street. When I was living in New York, I'd read about a guy who had 31 arrests, and he's back on the street. It's been going on forever. But now it's out in the open. They're letting you people know. Xavier Rogers, another Irishman, 19, was drinking out of a Casamigos tequila bar.

I like the name. Casamigos. That's right. That's a friend's house, right? Where did you get the booze? Casamigos. That's right. That's a friend's house. Right? Where'd you get the booze? Casamigos. Tequila bottle around 1.30 a.m., which always leads to good shit,

in Bedford-Stuyvesant, home of the great Chris Rock, when an NST unit spotted a loaded 9mm pistol on him. That's what the court... Wow, we have court records of it? Yet do we let him back out again, right? You all on him. That's what the court... Wow, we have court records of it? Yet do we let him back out again, right? You all saw him. He had a gun.

Aaron Rodgers took off running from the cops and dropped the gun. He tried to pitch it to a new receiver, which is co-defendant Robert Griffin, 19, picked up and shoved, he picked up the gun Robert Griffin did, shoved it into a plastic shopping bag,

the record show. Inside the bag was a loaded B6C, I have a G2C. Sazma, oh, this is a different gun? Or is this still the Taurus? No. Saz, how do you say that? Sazama's pistol with one cartridge in the chamber and 12 cartridges in the magazine.

I like to know the percentage of black people that carry guns in New York. I would say, I was going to say legally and illegally, but you can't carry one, you can't get one if you go through it legally. The duo was, and of course they go, but they're coming up from North Carolina and South, so stop them. If you know where they're coming from. The duo was charged with second degree firearm possession,

a felony charge for which bail can be set. But during the arraignment, Judge Phyllis Chu, seen here drinking her own urine you fucking what a country of this is judge phyllis she freed them both on supervised release court records show i think your brain is going soft she ain't got no brain here she is drinking one's a bunch of highfalutin. Prosecutors from the city. She won't have to deal with the criminals. The people who are releasing them, they live behind gates.

They have, she's a judge. She has security. You deal with them. Prosecutors from the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office asked Chu, another de Blasio appointee. Oh, what a filthy. Even from the grave, he's killing them. To hold Rogers on $10,000 cash, $20,000 bond, or $40,000 partially secured bond.

But she declined. When Griffin was arraigned, prosecutors consented to supervised release after seeing that his co-defendant had just been sprung by Chu. So let's compound the stupid move. chew. So let's compound the stupid move. Later that month, a Brooklyn judge sprung Marcos Malvar without bail following his March 26 bust by NST cops on felony firearm possession charges, according to the court records. Malvar, 21, was pulled over in a car that had drugs inside, and cops also turned up a loaded high-point model CF-38 firearm, semi-automatic weapon, with three rounds of ammo inside, inside his bedroom dresser.

He was also charged with criminal obstruction of breathing. Listen to this. This one made me laugh. Criminal obstruction of breathing. I'm going, did he choke his wife with a chili pepper? For allegedly choking his girlfriend's, the mother of his children. That's called obstruction of breathing. That's Cooper Anderson auditioning for his new show. Suck it.

Anderson Cooper. I call him Cooper Anderson again. Fucking hate that name. Say it on purpose now. Assistant District Attorney Ari Rottenberg, who said during Malvasa-Raymond on both cases that the offenses were bail eligible. But given the specific circumstances of the matter, he recommended Judge Laura Johnson cut him loose on supervised release, according to the transcript of the proceeding. Oh, there he is.

There's Mr. Rottenberg. That's a woman. That would be Mr. Mrs. Judge. Yeah, that's a judge. Judge Johnson, yeah. Yeah, be Mr. Mrs. Judge. Yeah, that's a judge. Johnson, yeah. Yeah, that's Judge Johnson? Yeah. Yeah, there you go.

Looks like Tom Johnson, the guy that coached the Bruins in the 70s. Look at this thing. See, she has a chip on her shoulder, folks, because she never fit into the mainstream. So now she can get back to you people who rejected. I'm telling you,

this is their fucking mindset. You can laugh in my face. This is their way of getting back at society that didn't accept them. Of course, she's as liberal as the day is fucking long. I say we start banning gay people from being judges and lawyers.

Nick, you can't. Yeah, you can. They do it with white people. I remember Biden coming out and saying, my next fucking Supreme Court's going to be a black woman. Discriminate against everybody but a black woman. I don't want any more fags on the fucking bench. Johnson, and you know why they can't be objective? Johnson ended up releasing Malvar on his own recognizance.

Of course. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert. I hope she gets the tip of her dick caught in her zipper. That's your punishment, Frank. Let's be frank. Well, you are frank. Our father who...

Next story. It doesn't add up. That's the headline. The Florida Department of Education released examples of what it calls problematic material that led it to ban dozens of math textbooks, including a lesson with an algebra graph measuring racial prejudice. I'll say that again. An algebra problem measuring racial prejudice. I'll say that again. An algebra problem measuring racial prejudice. I say that again. So right away you go, it has to be word problems, right? It has to be. You can't do numbers.

They're working their Marxist horseshit, their anti-white fucking propaganda into math. You know how they said math was racist? So now it is. You made it racist, the left, not the right. You fucking people. You have no idea how to run a bowling alley. What? I have no idea.

The Department of Education, this is in Florida, rejected 54 math textbooks, about 41% of publishers' submissions, for content that officials said tried to indoctrinate students or expose them to dangerous and divisive concepts. Facing a slew of requests to share examples of what led to the bans, the department posted four photos of math problems on its website Thursday. What, me racist? Says a lesson titled Adding and Subtracting Polynomials.

They got the word racist in the title of a math problem. Oh God, help me. Oh, God, help me. More than 2 million people have tested their racial prejudice using an online version of the implicit association test. Who makes this shit up? And when do they do all this? You know what I'm saying? That's how you know it's a political philosophy

or agenda that has existed before. And they just move it over to here. Saul Alinsky, fucking Rules for Radicals, all those jerks. Most groups' average scores, in the math problem, right, fall between slight and moderate bias. You see what

they're doing, people? So your kids are reading this, and they're going, oh, I didn't know there was that much bias, before they even get to the actual math problem. But the difference among groups by age and political identification are intriguing, the problem states. The lesbian teacher with a handlebar mustache and thick ankles tells Billy, it goes on to share a formula telling students they will partake in exercises using a model to show what a white piece of racist shit you are.

Oh my God. You shit-kicking, stinky horseman who's smelling motherfucker, you. That was a dyke professor. Another problem involves graphs that supposedly measure levels of racial prejudice and are broken down by age and political identification. This is actually brilliant. It's actually, it's like slipping, if your

dog had to have some medicine he wouldn't eat, you put it in the food that he likes. Pretty good analyses, Greg. Nick, I just call myself Greg. Wow. Time for me to hit the, my wife says she's already picked out a nursing home in Savannah.

I don't think she's kidding. That fucking wallet is bugging me. Because I've never, never. By the way, these graphs, they were based on the implicit association test, as was the polynomial lesson, although it wasn't clear if both problems were from the same rejected textbook.

Who gives a fuck? Just the facts, man. Who cares? How evil and underhanded is the left? Here's what amazes me. Oh, we got, I'm sorry. Obviously, we got Mr. DeSantis, who I think is positioning himself

to be the next president, because he's going after the problems, you know, whether it's fucking this type of critical race, all this stuff. Disney and their fucking indoctrination. And during COVID, he had it right. Everybody else had it wrong. How do you not pick him? Except for my boy Trump. How about two presidents? You change the rules every day, it seems like. All right, so his, I'm laughing this, oh, that's the

guy, see the black ball guy to his right? He's like the, you know what? What do you call it? No, the Surgeon General in Florida, whatever. He's the head medical guy. And the guy to his right is a point guard for Florida State. I don't know why he's there. What?

And anyways, here's what Ron DeSantis had to say. About getting the right answer. And we want kids to learn to think so they get the right answer. It's not about how you feel about the problem. It is, too. Or to introduce some of these other things. It's there's a right answer and there's a wrong answer and we want all our students getting the right answers and so most of the books that did not meet florida standards for whatever reason happen to be in the early grades as you get into

the older grades most of those books did meet the standards but he was the best guy around. He still is. Why don't the right fight back and give, why don't they do it to the left students? You know what I mean? Kiesha Tyrone and Willie stole three lesbians' bikes. No bond was set. Is that right? Willie wound up raping two white girls?

If the bond is $2,500 and they put down $100, you see how I could be the greatest president ever? I shrunk my face. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. That should have been in there somewhere. A third posted lesson said its objective was for students to build proficiency with social awareness as they practice with empathizing

with classmates. In other words, groupthink. Oh my God. The so-called social emotional learning, that's S-E-L, in math, I fucking aced that one, is prohibited in Florida. Under Governor Ron DeSantis, the Sunshine State

also has eliminated critical race theory from curricula in its schools. I love this guy. I love him. And if anybody on the left doesn't like it, suck it. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. That's what he said, Ron DeSantis. Most of the rejected math books were on grade levels K-5,

the department said. K to 5. They're getting them in kindergarten. Even the law that, you know who put, the so-called Mo Gay law, which doesn't say that, that DeSantis has passed, it's K to third grade. Which to me is still, so it's alright for fourth graders to hear about, you know, getting hormone shots and turning into a fucking, you know, hunchback. You know who I miss? Jerry Sandusky.

Now, there was a fine coach. I was at B&D, and they had the sound off, and there was a thing on about Paterno, and, you know, in subtitles. I was riveted. Anyways, that was my weekend, folks. Cooking, laying on the couch, playing my guitar like a 12-year-old, burning my asshole out with cherry peppers. Went to the dump.

That has nothing to do with the peppers, the actual dump. I threw shit out with my wife. And the funny thing is, if she doesn't suggest any of that shit, do you understand my house would look exactly the same as when I moved in three years ago? Now it's like a whole fucking four-star hotel, a southern hotel. Yeah, it looks fucking nice. You know, right, Dallas? Your fucking wife is unbelievable.

She'll be up on a ladder. I never thought I'd be that guy. I'm laying on the couch with a beer. Don't fall. Can you hold this? I can't! They don't attribute to Gila Flower. Bonsoir,

dame. Love French. It's very romantic. It's like another romantic language would be German. Hatten! That is German for shit on my chest. Nick, do you have to throw that in?

Yeah, I do. Because I'm fucking bored out of my tits. Ladies and gentlemen, right here on our stage, so Ron DeSantis, no doubt, is going to be running, I would say, right? Unless this man right here, who I miss. I had to put this in. No big but he's he's out there campaigning do you understand he works harder than biden does every day he could be playing golf which he does a lot of but he could i can't sit still i remember during the debate he would call jeb bush low energy and i'll be lying on the couch half asleep going, so am I.

Quit picking on him. Anyways, he was in Ohio, a couple other places this weekend, a rally, but this one's from Ohio. Here's the greeting he got. We love Trump! We love Trump! We love Trump! We love Trump! We love Trump! We love Trump! I am your voice! They fucking love me. They love me from Dublin to Cincinnati.

Probably the greatest building I've ever built. Maybe the world's ever seen. He's got to come back. I'm starting to get his voice down. It's been nine years. Anyways, Donald was out there doing what he does best. Got a couple quick clips of him. First, he was pointing out Joe Biden's flaws, busting Biden's balls into a fine powder,

reminding the people of Ohio, which is always an important state, by the way, right? I think he won that one, didn't he? But it's one of those ones, I think it's a swing state, they call it. Anyways, here's Trump reminding the old people from Ohio how bad the current president is. Shaking hands with the air. He's walking around somewhat bewildered.

It's no good. Taking orders from the Easter Bunny. You saw that one? No, no, no. You know, the Easter Bunny was a political operative. He did a good job, actually. We should hire that guy. He was very good. Boston Biden's balls. You know, we should hire that guy. He was very good. Busting Biden's balls.

You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you. Now get the fuck out of here. That was Tony Soprano on the dance floor. To Richie April, his archenemy. Richie April got caught selling coke on the trash routes. Dude, you'll eat this show up. He's telling Richie, get the fuck out of here. And here's, you know, Trump again just saying he wants to make the country beautiful.

We want to start talking about our country and greatness again. We are one movement, one people, one family, and one glorious American nation. So with the help of everyone here today and citizens all across our land, we will make America powerful again. Let's hope so. Let's hope we don't get nuked before that happens. J.D. Vance is a guy who wrote Hillbilly... What's it called? I never can remember the word. You know, don't you?

No. Anyways, Hillbilly... Oh, come on, Nick, for fuck's sake. Why can I never remember that word? Why? Because I'm fucking retarded. Uh-oh, the wife's texting me. What the fuck does she want? Oh, my wallet!

The bitch, I mean the woman found my wallet! Oh, my God! Where is it? She writes in, oh, hi, remember me? She's got to mock black people. I'm kidding. That's how her friend talks, Tracy. Holy fucking mollies. Let the camera run, folks. I'm going to find out where it was. Oh, my God. It was in her ass.

I knew she sat on the... Hold on. I am so happy right now. I could whack it on fucking camera. Where was it? Oh, no. A Puerto Rican's left hand. How? No.

There's no Puerto Ricans down here. Folks, I'm just kidding. I love all people and hate them equally. Come on. Answer the question. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. How can you text somebody and then somebody texts you back one tenth of a second later and they're not there?

How in God? Maybe she was kidnapped. Hillbilly elegy. Thank you. Thank you, producer. Anyhow. So here's J.D. Vance. Very smart dude. They made a's really, like, fuckin' they made a movie out of that too. My wife saw the fuckin' I guess she took some guy out when I was in Denver. At my instruction. Hope she got a handful. Go ahead, let's listen. That the January 6th protesters, many of whom

are not even accused of a violent crime, would still be rotting in prison without an out of due process which is required under our constitution and ladies and gentlemen i'm sick of it i'm sick of not living in a country that makes its own stuff that relies on the communist chinese to make the things that we need. Not me. I love shit. COVID, they made it. I'm sick of knowing that our own FBI is more concerned

about arresting American citizens than it is about stopping the drug and sex trafficking across our southern border. Goddamn right, J.D. Now let me tell you about some people of color. I'm sick of the big tech companies

censoring conservatives, shutting us up. I am sick of a president, Joe Biden, who will buy oil and gas from every single person in the world except for a middle class southeastern Ohioan who's trying to earn a living to support his family. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sick of all of it. I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take his family. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sick of all of it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore! So Trump threw his weight behind him.

So that's a win, I would say. Wouldn't you, Ohioans? Are you... They pissed off the... You can't piss off the parents of schoolchildren and shit. Not just that. I mean, you know, there's lefties upset.

You know how he's getting rid of Title 42 or whatever, the thing Trump passed to keep fucking, you know. There's Democrats who don't want that to happen. Let people come in and, you know, fucking carry COVID and everything else and not be determined. I kind of forget the exact ruling. Look it up, for the love of fucking God. I'm busy.

I'm the third base coach for the Savannah Bananas. You got to break in. I know. That's the owner. Somebody told me that. Tom Rhodes, a comedian, had a great bit about his Little League coach, his Little League coach being a heroin addict, and he got caught stealing like 10 times because he thought this was one of the signals. That was one of his signature bits. God, I love

comedy. Anyways, yeah, I hope J.D. Vance does something. And again, you know what? I'm tired of fucking Ted Cruz. I hate to say it. The brightest guy on the right. But what the fuck have you done, Jim Jordan? You talk a good game. Fucking Trey Gowdy, who's now, doesn't know what to do with his fucking hairdo. All you guys.

He's out of Congress, Trey Gowdy. But anyways, let's move on to a guy who I absolutely love, and you'd love too if you're my age, or even younger. Arguably the most successful, well, as far as comedians go, he was like the highest paid actor like 20 years ago, for a couple of years. You know who I'm talking about. He's a ponderer. Bill Murray,

he's making a movie currently, right? I guess he bunched somebody's panties. Folks, those of you who've never been on a movie set, you're not going to get more PC. Especially after Hashtag Me Too. It was always horrible because, again, it's Hollywood. It's all

libs. It's run by libs for libs. And it was, fucking TV. I saw it on Grace Under Fire sitcoms. There's all libs. It's run by libs for libs. And it was fucking TV. I saw it on Grace Under Fire sitcoms. There's rules and rules. You look at somebody wrong. You brush somebody's tit. They're going to put you in jail. It's always been like that.

Bill Murray's an old school guy. All right? Old school. He likes a good time. Anyways, Bill Murray was allegedly touchy with a woman, that's plural, E-N, on set of Being Mortal, ironically titled, before the shoot was shut down. Oh, what a lesbian. Man, filming of the 71-year-old Saturday Night Live Legends movie was suspended last week after a complaint was reportedly filed specifically against the actor alleging inappropriate um inappropriate behavior no i'm not this is rape this is rape this is rape

how's that rape i'm pulling lint off your sweater sure it was on your left hip but people were laughing by thursday the film was suspended indefinitely amid an investigation into the Ghostbusters. Why do you bring up Ghostbusters? All the movies he's made, that's the one they keep. Piece of shit. Stars on, I didn't like it, on set actions. A source told Page Six he was very hands-on, touchy, not in any personal areas,

but like put an arm around a woman, touched her hair, pulled her ponytail while he was behind her, no, but always in a comedic way. And this is in quotes. I don't know who's saying it. It is a fine line and everybody loves Bill. But while his conduct is not illegal, some women felt uncomfortable and he crossed a line. Well, you see, that's not how it works.

Because you guys turn this country into, you turn sex and relations between men and women upside down on its head. You guys pass laws. So you know what? We go by the laws, not how you feel. They didn't do anything illegal. If he didn't do anything illegal, I told you, anything less than banging the fucking secretary on the IBM machine should go. Meaning should be allowed. But he crossed a fine line.

And you guys keep moving the line in the goalposts. I want to know, why don't they mention who's, you know, she looks like one of those environmentalists. Fuck you and fuck you. Who's next? That was Bill. Meanwhile, Richard Dreyfuss, another humorless left-wing New Yorker lib, his son Ben dropped a bombshell allegation Thursday, Thursday night at the Walt Disney Company, that the Walt Disney Company was forced to hire bodyguards to protect the cast

and crew of his dad's 1991 comedy, What About Bob? from Bill Murray. They were there to protect Dreyfuss from Bill Murray. New Yorkers, you know, you have a reputation for being tough, but you couldn't be faggier. And I'm talking showbiz.

Even De Niro has let me down. Ben Dreyfuss. Dreyfuss is a great actor, by the way. I'm just saying. But he's typical New Yorker. Thinks his shit don't smell. Ben Dreyfuss, 35, claimed on Twitter that Murray had a meltdown. This is back in 1991.

Because he wanted an extra day off, but was denied by the late producer Laura Siskind. Murray allegedly ripped off her glasses off her face and this is Ben talking, my dad complained about his behavior and Bill Murray threw an ashtray at him, Ben Roe. I don't have to take this working class shit. Everyone walked off the production and flew back to L.A. This is a movie he was making when he was huge. They flew back to L.A. It only resumed after Disney hired some bodyguards to physically separate my dad and Bill Murray in between takes. How do you work with each other?

How do you go, you know, now you're going to act? Well, his character actually despises him in the movie, so you get a lot of authenticity there. Oh, I did not know that. I can't even remember if I saw that. I mean, I remember hearing about it.

Very good. That's how, again, my favorite road comedy that I told you and Gianna have to get on Midnight Run De Niro couldn't stand Groden and vice versa and boy it was so good

both great actors anyways he then offered sarcastically this is Bill Murray he says I was like five at the time and these are some of my fondest and earliest memories. Good movie, though. That's what Bill said. The elder Dreyfus previously addressed the alleged ashtray incident by calling Murray a drunken bully.

Oh, there it is. But without airing all the dirty laundry. He put his face next to me. This is Dreyfus talking. Richard Dreyfus. Nose to nose, and he screamed at the top of his lungs, everyone hates you. You are tolerated, Dreyfus revealed in 2009.

There was no time to react because he leaned back and he took a modern glass-blown ashtray. He threw it at my face from only a couple feet away, and it weighed about three quarters of a pound, and he missed me. He tried to hit me. I got up and left. You know why you hate Bill Murray? How could you? For you people who are much younger than me and don't remember Bill Murray on SNL,

arguably, again, maybe one of the most successful guys to come out of that show, but he used to do a thing called Nick the Lounge Singer. And what's funny about this, this song was huge at the time. And, you know, one of those songs everyone made fun of because it was corny, syrupy. But here he is at a ski lodge. He'd do this like almost every week on the show. It got so popular. But here's him at a ski lodge singing to a lady with a cast on her leg. We'll be back on the slopes in a couple of weeks. Oh, that cast makes me so sad. Oh, don't it make my brown eyes. Don't it make my brown eyes. Don't it make my brown eyes

blue. Oh, tasty lick, Paul. Oh, don't it make my brown eyes. You know, they're actually hazels. Don't it make my brown eyes. Don't it make my brown eyes blue. Love it, love it. Just a second. We have a celebrity. Oh, how can you get mad at him?

And now he's, you know, look, he's a zillionaire, right? And him and his, I went to Chicago. Him and his brother have a restaurant chain out there. And he's just, you know, he golfs, he gets drunk. You know, he likes to have what used to be a good time. Puts his arm around a girl on a movie set. Let's fucking castrate him. Fuck you and everything you believe in, feminists.

That's the show. I thought I'd end on a light note. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. Please sign up monthly. Do that at thecomicsgym.com, patreon.com. Go to nickdip.com. You can click on the tour dates here where I'm going to be. A couple weekends, I'm going to be up in the New York area,

Peekskill at a theater, Paramount Theater, and Levittown, New York at Governor's. So, and don't forget Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to Cameo.com,

tell me a little about the person. I make a video on my phone. People love it. It's fun. Or I can be nice and say happy birthday. People like ball busting. That's it.

You guys think and I'll say you're very welcome. See you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good rest of the day. guitar solo Outro Music