The Nick DiPaolo Show - Little Steven Little Retarded | Nick Di Paolo Show #1379

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Bud Light's fem VP, the Dalai Lama French kiss, and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

作詞・作曲・編曲 初音ミク Welcome to the show on a Tuesday. How are you folks? People ask about that song. It's Richie Castellano of Blue Oyster Cult fame who wrote that for me. How about that? Don't even know the guy. He was a big fan of the show, and I'm a big fan of his. So anyways, I'm now a part of Mug Club and happy to be getting the hell away from big tech. Go to nickdapaloshow.com to join me and get the full version of today's episodes. Nine cups of coffee, I'm biting my own tongue. And I don't know where

we're headed, man. I don't even know how it works. I thought Google and all, they owned all the servers and shit. So you had to go through them no matter who you were, rumble, blah, blah. But I know nothing about it. Last time I understood anything with buttons was an etch-a-sketch. And that was a stretch anyways real quick uh bear with me as you know I am from the Boston area and a huge sports fan and uh I'd be remiss not to mention my Boston Bruins uh of the 2022-23 season who just set the record for the most wins and wins in one season by an NHL team in the history of the league in the goddamn history there's pasta sounds like me on my honeymoon what get the fuck out of here anyways

uh yes so bear with me I know you most these uh I don't know what you are you you could be NBA fans and again don't get me started on that the worst spectator sport in the history I don't know what you are. You could be NBA fans. And again, don't get me started on that. The worst spectator sport in history. I don't care. Even March Madness, I don't give a fuck. What do you mean? Well, I've been through it. You fans of mine, you might be new fans.

I'm just saying. The last minute and a half of a basketball game shouldn't take 21 minutes. There's no continuity. They even admitted it finally. Anyways, it sucks. It's a great sport to play. Basketball is a ball. I like tackle basketball. I played football in high school and college. Annuity, they even admitted it finally. Anyways, it sucks. It's a great sport to play. Basketball is a ball.

Even, I like tackle basketball. I played football in high school and college. That's how I play. You're going for a layup, I'm going to submarine you. You might be controlling your wheelchair with your tongue for the rest of your life. But it's a lot of fun. Anyways, yeah, 63 wins, topping the Red Wings of, I don't know, 94, 95, and Tampa Bay Lightning in 2018, 2019.

Tremendous. That guy, Parsonok, 60 goals this year. 60. He's only 27, I think. He's not even in his prime yet. And his 60th goal was his 300th goal. Some guys just get it all. That all happened yesterday, by the way, in Philadelphia.

Yesterday he had a hat trick, Pasternak. Hit two crossbars and had a goal taken back. So that would have been six. I'm telling you, he's that good. Even though there's a guy named Connor McDavid for the Oilers. Sorry if you people don't like hockey, but fuck yous. It's the second best sport ever. After girls lacrosse.

Ever see them whack each other in the ass? Yeah, exactly. Those skirts. I don't care if they get faces like Johnny Bench and Yogi Berra. I'm still going to chow. What the fuck does that even mean? I don't know. I'm just saying I'm so proud of them.

Been watching them since I was five, folks. I was born in 62. That's right, five. I was sitting at my dad's lap. Okay, I don't know. I'm just saying I'm so proud of them. Been watching them since I was five, folks. I was born in 62. That's right, five. I was sitting at my dad's lap. Okay, I'll round it off to six. I'm 61, 55 years. Bobby, you're on the big, bad Bruins, 19 in the 70s, arguably the best teams ever.

This team tops that, and Bobby or himself would tell you. Anyways, if they don't win the cup, it doesn't mean shit, but I disagree. They set a record. You're going to tell me if they fucking get bounced in the playoffs they weren't the best team this year? I don't know. I guess you're going to win the Cup, which they will, by the way.

All right, enough of that. Let's talk about something you guys like sports with the – I can't say it. I forgot where I was. Anyways, let's get on with the news. You're Fired is the first story. Oh, boy, am I tired of this trans. You can't get away from this Dylan Mulvaney. I'm telling you, if I had her, his, its career, I'd be, I was going to say jerking off, but I might be touching my,

I don't know. I'm confused. Anyways, shortly before Bud Light was besieged by the Dylan Mulvaney controversy, the beer company's vice president stressed the need to get away from the out of touch boy this made me crazy because this is coming from a woman even before i even knew she was a woman out of touch frat boy image uh to one of inclusivity yeah because when i think of beer drinking and guzzling i think of trans people and gay before i think of frat boys and sports fans put your feminism away for five fucking minutes give it a rest you brainwashed idiot didn't she get canned I'm not I thought I heard she got whoever came up with this concept is got canned I thought I heard I'm so sick of it. And you blew it. You're damn right you did. You blew it.

There she is, Audrey Hepburn. I'm going to be honest with you folks, when I first, nah, I'm not even going to say it, but they better not perfect this shit anymore. I'm getting a little 61. She got the shoulders of Sandy Duncan. I always use that. I've been saying that since I was in high school. Anyways, they put her on a can of Bud Light. I should have showed you. I figured you would have seen it by now. Kid Rock in his back jab with a machine gun blasted. And then he goes, fuck Bud Light and fuck Anheuser-Busch.

Why can't we have a president? Oh, we do. We did. Anyways, Alyssa Gordon, Heinz Schreid, Sprechensideensie Deutsch I don't know if she's German or Jew that doesn't matter Nick yeah it does the self-proclaimed first female to lead the largest beer brand and again who better to lead a beer brand than you know you wouldn't want a guy like Norm from Cheers or an alcoholic who maybe even cleaned up his act. No, you want this broad, who's probably never drank anything stronger than a mimosa. Like a spray of Bud Light right in your big,

look at the teeth on her, like fucking John Elway in Mr. Ed. Throw her a sugar cube. Listen, Batch, the largest beer brand in the industry, shared her disdain for Bud Light's previous frat boy image because you don't like men, Freud and Schneid.

Am I right? You don't, because you were taught not to by your professor, who looks like, again, Yogi Berra, and again, a woman, but I'm, I'm, can you imagine a guy coming out and going, you know, enough of this Chanel perfume for women. I'm sick of this reputation. It's only for chicks. Man, that was a bad, okay, bad example. Although in today's world, maybe not. Anyways, her disdain for Bud Light's previous frat boy during a recent podcast. Oh, let's listen to the Great White Shark with the choppers.

I'm a businesswoman. I had a really clear job to do when I took over Bud Light. Pause. Pause. She's already using the frozen voice, okay, which tells me she doesn't have a mind of her own. She's doing the fucking fried voice. I said frozen. Whatever the fuck.

I call it frozen because that's where I like to see her head, my freezer behind the fudgicle. Listen to her talk like this. Go ahead. It was, this brand is in decline. It's been in decline for a really long time. You know why it's been in decline? It's the worst fucking beer ever

in the history of beers. I could make that argument. I don't even know how people drink Budweiser. Although, you know, Budweiser is huge? In Ireland. I thought they were alcoholics. They love it over there. I suppose regular Bud, maybe not.

But, oh my, I'm not a regular Bud. Bud Light. I'll drink cat piss. I have, actually. Put a fucking little lime. Have you ever done that with salt around the... Anyways, let the pig talk. And if we do not attract

young drinkers to come and drink this brand there will be no future for Bud Light so I had this super clear mandate it's like I had this super clear idea to get rid of the people who drink it the most frat boys I would respect her if she came out and said, we're going to play the fat chicks. They drink anything. Anyways, heavy cream, Yahoo and scotch. Yahoo? No, Yoo-hoo. Holy shit. I'm getting like Norm Crosby, that comedian who fucks up his words on purpose.

I'm sorry. Let Mr. Ed go. Evolve and elevate this incredibly iconic brand. And my, what I brought to that was a belief in, okay, what does evolve and elevate mean? It means inclusivity. It means shifting the tone. It means having a campaign. Okay, shut her off.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Every buzzword, inclusivity. It means people in wheelchairs and retarded kids and people of color and anybody that's not like a white guy. Shut it. Choke yourself of those giant myths. Unbelievable. Forbes penned the profile of Heiner Schneid in February, in which she admits that female representation is a focal

point for her. Heinz Schreid, I'm just going to call her different now, says Bud Light as a brand has been everything to everyone and as a result we've not been mindful about where it shows up. As a mother, Heinz Schreid says one strategic priority was to make sure that women were represented. Female representation is a personal, passion, appointed by what broad your age doesn't say that I'm so fucking tired of it. Heinen Schneid is mentioned prominently in a 2021 New Yorker article. Oh,

of course, titled the rise of the COVID midlife Crisis. I have a friend, Alyssa Heinerschreid, who works in marketing at Ian Hauser Bush. This has always been slightly hilarious because Alyssa is one of the last people I picture when I think beer. She's a former, proving my point, a former teen harpist in college. She was known for planning her schedule in 20-minute increments, you know, like people who drink beer, not shotgun and cold ones. And yet she has excelled managing brands like Natty Daddy, Rolling Rock, and King Cobra. I know one of those. Perhaps because she has never been overly attached.

Yeah, that's who you want pushing your product. Somebody's hardly ever used it. Bud Light has been radio silent on its various social media platforms since the controversy surrounding the promotional partnership with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney. There have been several high-profile boycotts of Bud Light since the transgender influencer

promoted the in-house of Bush Beer. I thought I heard she got canned. I'm not sure about that. If this was a real newscast, I'd look it up. I don't have the time. Anyways, stupid. This would be a good time to tell you that in the second half of the show i'll be talking about anne frank wanting to see her girlfriend naked and vice versa i didn't know that got naughty um switzerland is the only country in the world to get it right as far as getting boosters and jabs they say fuck that and uh a black man defending trump saying trump is being treated like a black man.

So hang in there. It's exclusively on Mug Club, so join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com. Let's move on to one of the most disturbing scenes in the history. I haven't seen a video. Well, I put it right up there with the Sapruta film and Kennedy's. Somebody putting a fucking sunroof in the back of his skull. On Monday, the Dalai Lama. Do you know there's a restaurant within walking distance of me here in Georgia? Within walking distance. It's in the top 15 restaurants

in the country. I went in there one night with the wife. Don't worry, this is all connected to this. And we had a guy wait on us who was like in his 70s. I said to my wife, he's not a waiter. I said, he's got a piece of this joint. He was too, I don't know. He was too polite. Not like a young waiter putting himself through school, you know. What do you want? Read the specials. Read them yourself. Anyway, he's very nice to us. Boop, boop, boop. Turns out he hangs out with a Dalai Lama, him and his brother. He brings a book over to show me and my wife of him and the Dalai Lama all over the world. Him and his brother hanging out with the Dalai.

I don't know how that happens. Anyways, I had the fish. It was tremendous. And the never-ending bowl of diarrhea, which was tremendous. I won't say the rest, but it was tremendous. I can't remember the name of it. Something rhymes with the Harby's, Charby, Arby's. No, Applebee's. I don't know. The yellow house, the purple. And on Monday, Dallas knows because he knows his town. On Monday, the Dalai Lama, the exile leader of the Tibetan spiritual Buddhist, I don't know if he was exiled.

What happened? On Main Street? Apologized for a video in which he asked a young boy to suck his tongue. Jesus. That kind of scared me for a second. A video clip, have you guys seen this? It sent a chill right up me nipples. Has been circulating that shows a recent meeting when a young boy asked his holiness, the Dalai Lama, if he could give him a hug. Boy, his dad did not teach him about

religious fellows. My dad saved me from a, this is no joke. When I was, I don't know, 12 maybe, 11, 12, we had a pastor in our church, kind of a scary guy, big belly, bald, you know what I mean? Kind of a Marlon Brando looking motherfucker. He came down the street one day, we were playing in the front yard, me and my brother. He calls us over, we had known him from church, asked us if we wanted to go to a Celtics game with him.

So my brother tells my dad dad who's in the backyard fucking father comes around the front he goes no no they're good father with the fucking most hateful talk no no they're good and I look back and I love my father I actually got a fight with my sister about this saying that's male instincts kicking in winner and she goes what are you fucking talking about you know a woman who do that to, what are you fucking talking about? You know, a woman would do that to a guy. What are you talking about? Ma brought us up to that church every Sunday.

I had this fight with my sister, I think, in Italy. I don't know how it came up in Italy. What the fuck? Anyways, that's the only argument I've ever had. Anyways, this is creepy. Anyways, he asked to give the Dali a hug. I read the statement tweeted from the Dali Lab, his official Twitter account. His holiness wishes to apologize to the boy and his family,

as well as his many friends across... Should we have shown the video yet? Okay, but aren't I reading about what happened? Across the world, for the hurt his words may have caused, the post continues. The Post. The Post continued. What's the matter with you? I'm sorry.

What the fuck is the matter with you? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. His holiness. Are you being a fucking wise guy with me? Oh, stop. His holiness.

I didn't mean to let that go on, though. His holiness teases people he meets in an innocent and playful way. This is the guy trying to explain it away. Even in public and before cameras, he said. He regrets the incident. It is unclear when the video in question was recorded, but the clip has been circulating on social media for over a week.

Representatives for the Dalai Lama did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment. The video that they're referencing and that people are talking about all over the place is about, we're going to show you, right here. First of all, they're all in masks still. You know why? They don't want to be recognized.

Am I the only one that doesn't want to fuck 12-year-old boys? I'm getting that feeling. Anyways, he's wearing an afghan that I sent him. Let's take a look at, let's Look, people applauding. Okay. Pause. Not too awkward. Kind of a nervous laugh. You got Mandela on the left, who's been dead for a while,

and somebody from NBC, MSNBC on the right um that was just that's not even it gets better folks but there was an awkwardness there and a quiet and what are you supposed to do you know I mean I've even for the Dalai Lama what's he what's he supposed to do if he's Santa he has a kid sit on his hard-on he asked what he wants uh go ahead roll the freaking Go ahead, roll the freaking Pause I think that's what the kid said Go ahead What?

He's a fag What the fuck is that? What is that? Now it makes me wonder what goes on behind the scenes at the Dolly Playboy mansion. What is that? Now the poor kid, is the kid's parents in the room? My old man would have flew over and, you know,

a roundhouse kick to the Dolly's Temple. He sticks his tongue out and the boy moves closer. Again, if that's a Catholic priest, I'll let you do the math. Drawing laughter from the audience. Yeah, laughter. Same way you laugh when somebody sticks a gun in your face at night. The clip then cuts out and does not show the rest of the exchange. I heard after that he put his tongue right up his asshole.

Now here's Phil with the sports. That's the show I want right there. Can somebody explain that to me? I don't even know. As far as religion, what does he represent? I know peace and loving. I mean, what exactly? He's a Buddhist. I know they like to eat. A lot of them look like my buddy Bob Kelly. Do you know anything about that, Dallas? Do you serve with any booze? No. Peaceful, you know, spiritual higher beings.

I don't know. But it's a dark day for the Dalai Lama. I heard about six million people canceled their subscriptions to Dalai Lama weekly. Anyways, let's move on to a guy, Stevie Van Zero. This one disappointed me because, as you know, I like Springsteen's music. I think he's a dope, Springsteen himself. You listen to him in interviews, he sounds fucking retarded. But then you read the lyrics he writes, and he's not really, well, maybe he's an idiot savant.

But anybody that grew up in New Jersey, in New York City, politically, you're fucking brainwashed. I don't know what your communist parents did to you. That goes for the whole Northeast, basically. But much more in New Jersey, New York. Even all my comedian friends from New Jersey, not too many. Artie Lang, well, Artie was

more down the middle. He's a guy's guy. But some of my friends' comics, this left-wing horseshit they grew up with. You know? And I remember asking Colin Quinn, why is this guy so, like, when it comes to race and shit,

and he had sort of a good answer. He goes, well, New York, we took in all the immigrants first. We had to deal with all these different ethnicities and races, you know? I don't give a fuck. Wake up. It is true. I grew up in Boston, pretty white. I mean, back in the day. But I'm just saying, I'm tired. And another example of a celebrity

who thinks you want to hear about his politics. Now, you're going, well, I'm not a celebrity. Are you fucking kidding me? Look how I'm dressed. I wore this to my senior prom in high school. Well, yeah, Nick, you don't have proms in college. All right, get off my back. Fucking make me

come home over there. I'm all jacked up, folks. Me and fucking Dallas got here at about, oh, 11.30 this morning. He was here before me, obviously, but he should be. We're still here. It's 8 o'clock at night. It's like we're making sneakers for LeBron James.

Ping-a-wing-a-wing-a-wing-a-wing. Stevie's like we're making sneakers for LeBron James. Stevie Van Zandt. Let me get to this guy. And you guys know how I feel about Sopranos. It's my favorite thing ever on the face of the earth. Bruce Springsteen, and he was on the Sopranos. He played Silvio Dante. He gotta go.

Springsteen's a veteran E Street Band guitarist, Stevie Van Zandt, who I had a scene with, by the way. If I was smart, I would have pulled that up. That would have killed

a few minutes. Issued, listen to this, Van Zandt issued a call to fans and supporters on social media Sunday to exterminate. That's Holocaust speak, by the way.

Anybody else uses that and you're fried. But, you know, he's a fucking far left-lipping show business. He'll get away. Exterminate the Republican cockroaches. To that I say, Here you go, Stevie. Hope that's not too strong for the first half of the show. His rally cry to target GOP supporters, half of America,

came during an expletive-laden exchange on Twitter. It began when the guitarist ventured forth by abusing what he called Republican white supremacist scumbag cowards and pussies that need guns to feel like real men after the Tennessee representatives demanded gun control. Hey, Stevie, you need to shut the fuck up. Calling white Republicans cowards as opposed to the Black Lives Matter Antifa and the street thugs

in New York sucker punching old ladies, smash and grab, you know, people who vote Democrat, Stevie. But those are peaceful protesters. Well, that's my, exactly. Okay? That's how he sees it. How the fuck? Believe your eyes, Stevie. You're the violent ones. You're the party of fucking slavery. All that fucking riots and the billions of dollars over the last five years and people killed during those riots, that's on your people.

That's on your side. So shut the fuck up. Go back to learning the G-string. God, G-string. Wow, where's my mind at? So shut the fuck up. Go back to learning the G string chord. G string. Wow. Where's my mind at? And I hate to say it because I fucking, you know, E Street Band, fucking great guitarist and, you know,

and soprano, Sylvia. I hate to do it. I didn't see Lily Hammer, whatever the series he did. But Stevie, wake the fuck up, man. Wake up. Get out of that Manhattan bubble or that New Jersey bubble or that tri-state bubble that you're living in. Wake up.

Your side's the violent one. Do you understand? Your side. Look at the crime stats. Go to the FBI website and tell me. And by the way, how many millions and millions of NRA members have murdered tons of people, huh? I don't think a one. Have they ever been convicted?

I heard somebody. I heard that statistic. Not one hour. NRA member could be wrong. But I'm just saying you're mad at the wrong people. Stupid. I remember. I could be wrong. But I'm just saying, you're mad at the wrong people, stupid.

The screen door slams. Mary's dress sways. In lack of vision, she dances across the porches. The radio plays. Roy Orbison singing for the lonely. That's me and I want you only.

That was terrible. Fuck you. I'm. Ah, fuck you. I'm telling myself to fuck off. Van Zant was then called out on Twitter by a follower for his abuse,

which he quickly resumed. He said, listen to this, he said he deleted his original anti-Republican post for a host of reasons. These are the reasons. These are the reasons.

These are the reasons. To avoid spending half my day deleting fox-sucking scumbag Russian bots and maggot cockroaches like you. And you know he's talking to some Springsteen fans because there are people on the radio like Springsteen. Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. I guess you all got all the money in the world now. He's part of the Springsteen. Remember on Broadway, Springsteen said he wouldn't play

to crowds that weren't vaccinated. Remember? And fucking Nils Lofgren, who signed my electric guitar that I wiped off about a year ago, and this chooch. You guys are great musicians, but you're fucking retarded. You know, you were chasing pussy and still are. Good for you, but you're not paying attention to the news.

And when you do, it's the wrong channel. Let me just show you this. Anyways, go take away some woman's rights, he says. Keep some black people from voting. These are all myths that have been debunked, by the way. Debunked with a pen and pencil. Go harass a trans event.

That's funny. I saw the swimmer Gaines being physically accosted at San Francisco State University. We talked about it it the last show. So whose rights? What? Go shoot some kids.

Mm-hmm. Do what Republicans do best. By the way, shoot some kids. Transvestite. Tranny. Not transgender. We go back to tranny. We go back to tranny. We go back to tranny.

Transvestite's too long. I'll get it done. Hang out with Crowder for another few weeks. Go shoot some kids. Do what Republicans do best and get the fuck out of my feed. Ooh, I'd like to smut out on some. Could I grab this microphone? I'd beat your brains out with it because that's what you deserve. That's what you deserve.

What happened to the peacenik musicians? I mean, he's in his 70s, so he was a hippie, former, you know, right? Fucking lovey-dovey. See what happens? You stay in showbiz, and I've been saying it long enough, you'll get retarded. You will get retarded. enough, you'll get retarded. You will get retarded. Some naturally, others will keep peddling that woke shit because they realize if they want a career, but you know what? It's starting to backfire finally. Don't blame Dylan Mulvaney, by the way. He or she, what do you call it? I'm so

fucking tired of this shit. That? It? That's mean. Okay. I'm just saying, if you're Dylan Mulvaney, you're not going to take the millions? I don't blame them, but you fucking corporations, isn't the old saying? What is it? Not so old saying, but go woke, go broke. Bud Light, though. I love that fucking broad going, yeah,

it's got a frat boy. What beer doesn't have a frat boy image to it? I hope she goes to Sigma Nu and gets her tits bitten. What? Anyways, I don't even know what that meant. For those of you on

Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show everyone else go to nickdopalashow.com and join to get my full show Crowder's show and more and while you're there get tickets to see me live in St. Louis at the Funny Bone April 21 that's in Mount St. Charles and the 22nd I it, St. Charles? St. Charles.

And the 22nd, I'm in St. Louis, Funny Bone. Then Daytona Beach on May 12th at the Daytona Beach Resort. And Arlington, Virginia at the Draft House, July 14th and 15th. guitar solo Outro Music