The Nick DiPaolo Show - Media Caught Lying Again | Nick Di Paolo Show #1542

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Left wing maggots, Cali car stunts, Terrorists are here and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 That's your world, I just live in it Get that right Hi folks, how you doing? Great, great to be with you on a Monday How was your weekend? St. Paddy's Day, did you survive it? Any stabbings, rapings? No, you weren't in New York, Chicago, or L.A., or Seattle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Sunday, St. Patrick's Day, yesterday. As you know, we, I didn't know this, and I've explained it on the show before, huge Irish contingency

down here. They have the parade, second biggest one in the country, I believe, which I never fucking knew. I thought it was all black and Chinese down here. Huh? No. Anyhow, yeah, 200th anniversary of the parade. First of all, when they have it any year, people fly in from all over the world because it's a great tourist destination.

And so it's always a big thing. But 200 years, holy moly. Why didn't I do this last night? I have clips of a guy in a fucking, running around dressed like a woman. Like a regular guy, not trying to be a tranny. Like a fucking guy in my, you know, guy in his 70s with a fucking...

Anyways, it was unbelievable. Me and the wife wandered out there. Dallas and his wife did too. And I mean, it looked, the humanity, it looked like New York City. You couldn't find, fucking believable. But good old fashioned America. You see black people out there

with their Irish hats and shit. And I'm thinking, of course you should, I go, that's fucking great. This is what we need. But I just want you guys to do that as a white person, show up on, I don't know, Juneteenth, dressed like a... You'll end up on the back of a float, fucking unconscious, but no, it's great, it's great to see, really, black, you saw these black people and white people getting drunk together, the way it should be, god damn it, At least I think so. Maybe they were black Irish. I don't know.

Anyways, did I send you pics, right? Did you get... I get up in the morning. I look out my window. This is... I guess I started... I look out the window. I see this guy. I guess I was still in bed.

He knocked on our door and asked my wife. That's on... See the trailer? That was on the back of my wife. That's on, see the trailer? That was on the back of the trailer. That's a boat. Well, it's a bike with a boat built around it. And here's Gilligan who pedals. Look at, I look out the window two minutes later.

He was putting a kilt on. How about, this guy's going to be what? He's older than me. I always say that. I'm probably probably wrong and there he is peddling off Excuse me Into the wind yes into the way he did he did one of these And he was out there for an hour like setting up actually like building Kate drove it up from, Florida And now we never saw him.

I'm guessing he capsized probably on Abercorn. Fucking Gus to win. Anyways, it was killer, right? Dallas, you were out there having just people everywhere and military guys marching, cops, floats with the best sound systems you've ever heard. You could literally hear two miles away, and I'm going, how's that different than a black guy in a Lincoln?

But just a fucking ball. And, yeah, we were out there a good three, four hours, and my hips hurt, so I went home. That's where I'm at. Anyways, hope you had a, huh? I got this right here. What else we got? Oh, look at that. How's that had a... Huh? What else we got? Oh!

Look at that. How's that for a cute couple? Now, you guys think Dallas died as bad. He didn't. Yes. In the spring, for some reason, Moss takes over. Look at that couple. Look at fucking Gianna.

She should be doing ads for Italy or some shit. Huh? Look at that. And then the Clydesdales. Fucking Gianna. She should be doing ads for Italy or some shit. Huh? Look at that. And then the Clydesdales. Okay, see the dyke? She's 6'2", 240. Honest to God, they are the scariest.

I didn't even see them. This is how jaded I am. Andy goes, the night before the parade, they were down the street from us. Literally a 15-minute walk. And I go, I see them during the commercials and I'm watching the fucking football games. But look at the size of those mutts. I mean, seriously, that's a big girl.

Look at that. I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of regular horses. That thing falls on you, you're finished. Anyways, that's how Ed McMahon died. Nobody realizes that. All right, you're finished. Anyways, that's how Ed McMahon died. Nobody realizes that. All right, enough of that. Let's get right to some headlines.

Of course, the big thing, leftist media maggots are at it again. And I'm sure you guys, if you follow the news, they are just, I don't know what the solution is here. We catch them in these huge, where they take Trump out of contact. There should be accountability. Fra whatever why the fuck do we have to continue and you idiots who vote democrat again not you people um you fall for this or pretend to fall for it one or the other it's the same rinse and repeat and you keep fucking doing it i'm so tired of it the corporate media concocted a hoax by taking a comment made by former President Trump talking about the auto industry to paint a sinister scenario about a bloodbath if he were to lose

the 2024 presidential election. You know what that tells you? They know they're in deep fucking... If they're starting this early with this big a lie, you don't think they're going to fucking try to steal it again? They've already announced if he wins fair and't think they're going to fucking try to steal it again? They've already announced if he wins fair and square, they're going to do something. Trump held a rally on Saturday

in Vandalia, a suburb of Dayton, Ohio. Trump was discussing his proposed policy to combat Chinese automobile manufacturers establishing factories in Mexico for a cheaper workforce, of course.

I guess they ran out of Uyghur slaves. Yeah, exactly. For a cheaper work. I know, they probably killed them. And then selling the cars in the United States. Trump vowed that if he was elected, the Chinese cars manufactured in Mexico would be whacked with 100% tariff, okay?

We talked about the 91st. Who has it? would be whacked with a 100% tariff, okay? I love how we can stop the cars from being imported, but not the actual people from all over the world trying to kill us. Here's Mr. Trump laying it down in Ohio, and what he actually said, of course he said bloodbath, so they took that and ran with it, and said what he said was,

here's what he actually said in contact. He didn't say, if I lose, there's going to be a bloodbath. He's talking about the auto industry. The jerk-offs on the left know it, but they, again, they're desperate. This is how he said it in contact. Let me tell you something, to China, if you're listening, President Xi, and you and I are friends, but he understands the way I deal. Those big monster car manufacturing plants that you're building in Mexico right now, and you think you're going to get that, you're going to not hire Americans, and you're going to sell the cars to us.

Now, we're going to put a 100% tariff on every single car that comes across the line, and you're not going to be able to sell those cars. If I get elected, it's going to be a bloodbath for the whole. That's going to be the least of it. It's going to be a bloodbath for the country. That'll be the least of it. But they're not going to sell those cars. They're building massive factories.

A friend of mine. You hear what he said? Again, I said the Dallas before the show, and it's just the way he speaks. He let it hang there, and I'm going, either he's a genius and did it on purpose, knowing they're going to jump on it. I don't think he did, though.

I think that's just the way he speaks. I don't want to be that fucking cynical about him. But he left a nice gap there for them to fucking manipulate it. And as somebody pointed out out much smarter than me, a great point that when he's, this speech was defending the auto workers, the union guys in Michigan, the automakers, he's defending them, which happens to be, by the way,

a swing state that's very important as you know. So it's a win-win for him. And they're already calling bullshit on the press this morning. You know, every media outlet on the left jumped on it. They need to be destroyed. I don't understand the answer. I don't know what it is. Again, you can't blow shit up. That's illegal, I heard. But you got to fine him with with something the corporate media pounced on trump's use of the word bloodbath but took it out of context to seemingly make it appear that he was calling for a political violence if he is not elected in 2024 nbc news who should be destroyed the other fucking word went with the ominous headline trump says there'll be a bloodbath

if he loses the election and to lester hol Holt, I say. You listening? Yeah. Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. Got that? New York Times attempted to fairmonger by stating, Trump says some migrants are not people and predicts a bloodbath if he loses. CBS News said in Ohio campaign rally, Trump says there'll be a bloodbath

if he loses November election. Politico used the headline, Trump says country faces bloodbath if Biden wins in November. Am I done? No. NPR ran an article with the headline. Trump says some migrants are not people and warns of bloodbath. Anybody rapes and kills and shit is not a person. I don't even know what context he said it in. I don't give a fuck. Migrants are not people. It warns of a blood bath if he loses. That's what Trump said back. Rolling Stone warned its readers, Trump says there'll be a blood bath and elections will end if he isn't reelected. What? Yeah, they haven't, they don't have a history of putting false shit out. Anyhow, there's five more that I didn't want to bore you with. Do you see how they're all on the same page?

They get a memo in the morning from the White House. Pelosi was on Sunday morning shows saying that's what he said. May she fucking die a painful death, like her giant muff catches on fire because a candle tips over while her husband's being boned by a guy with a hammer. Thank you very much. Anyways, second half of the show, folks, I'll be talking about, well, a 15-year-old girl who was sexually assaulted. I call it rape because that's what it is, by an illegal immigrant. Thank you, Joe Biden. I don't know how the fuck he's not in jail. Also, a black animal was caged by South Carolina police

after killing a woman and a cop and stealing the cop car. Anyways, that's exclusively on Mug Club. Where do you get Mug Club? Go to nickdip.com. Nickdip.com and sign up for Mug Club. You'll be glad you did. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com. nickdip.com and sign up for a mug club. You'll be glad you did. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my

previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Everybody knows you never go full retard. Oh, you jumped right on that. I was going to fart. By the way, me and Dallas put another, got a bitch in kitchen coming up for you. By the way, me and Dallas put another, got a Bitchin' Kitchen coming up for you. As you know, I'll be, I'm being deposed tomorrow morning for, you know,

I've mentioned the, I've mentioned the little spat between me and Pandora. Not just between me and about eight other comedians, right? Yeah, anyways, I'm being prepped today. That's going to be hilarious. You understand they're wasting their time with me? I don't know anything about anything other than I write the jokes, bring home the check.

Okay, that's it. Let's move on. No, that's it. Did I say it's on Mug Club? Did I say it's... Wow. Let's move on. West...

Oh, sorry. West Coast Stupid. Dallas was right on it. In our West Coast Stupid segment tonight Dallas was right on it in our West Coast Stupid uh segment tonight another illegal street takeover in California becomes disastrous when a drive how many times we've seen this clip when a driver lost control of a pickup truck while attempting stunts and plowed into a crowd of uh onlookers because this is what goes on in California. And again, this is what they want out there. They want chaos.

At least that's what Newsom wants and all the other fucking communists. And the people out there who support them. Adam Schiff is running for office still, so you guys are to blame. The chaotic incident took place on Friday night at one of LA's notoriously unruly intersections

known as a hub for such criminal activities, the Daily Mail. I love how English, UK papers are right on this shit. Isn't it great? In shocking footage live streamed on the platform, kick. Boy, I'd live on that one. A silver truck can be seen doing donuts around a trash can fire. You can't make this shit. We've become a parody of ourselves. In the middle of Normandy, and Nick, why is Normandy significant?

Well, if you guys remember the Rodney King incident and the guy in the truck that was pulled out by black guys and beat a white guy, beat within an inch of his life. You remember that, right, folks? That was at the corner of Florence and Normandy. So you see, that's a progressive state that hasn't progressed. It's actually going backwards. Anyways, at Normandy and West Gage Avenues,

as approximately 100 people, again, stood dangerously close, maybe two white people, I'm guessing, to the reckless driving. You know what's funny? These kids live on the Internet, and they see everything that goes viral. They've seen shit like this go out of control, yet they're still out there an inch from the trucks trying to get pictures. Darwinism. On one of the high-speed turns, the driver appeared to lose control,

drove into a large group of people watching from the intersection. Sobreros went flying, mojitos. Again, we've seen this play out before, but watch this jerk off. I think Ford or Chevy or whoever makes trucks should start using these in the commercials. Look how this handles.

Go ahead. That looks safe, huh? What's he on, mud? Whoops. Kill again! Oh! Uh-oh. Free card alert.

Oh, my God. Look at all the idiots. Pause one second. Watch this. Of course, they all go running. You're going, oh, they're going to help whoever got hurt, right? Watch the phones part. We are in scary times.

This generation is not just one, a couple now, who don't even think about helping anybody. Go ahead. What the? What the fuck? Three people. Oh, my God. Look at that.

Yeah, thanks for the help. All right. They all turn into Scorsese. Fucking idiots. Uh-oh, retard alert. Oh, you got that right, Sister-in-law. Retard alert. Just last week, a fiery scene took place at another L.A. intersection

that resulted in a Jeep being set ablaze in the middle of the road. You know, like a third-world country would. Oh, that's right. How's it going, California? Look, they're doing it out here now. Uh... What can you say? The pictures are worth a thousand illegals. What a stupid.

The phones come up, and that's what's important. We have to get on tape how ignorant we are for posterity. That's all I got to say. I'm glad it's California. It doesn't just happen in California, let's be honest, to say. I'm glad it's California. It doesn't just happen in California, let's be honest. But, you know, they lead the way. Next headline.

U.S. welcomes bomb maker. I just gave Gunfell a joke for this. For his model. If it doesn't get on, I'm getting on a red-eye tonight. I'm going up. I hope it doesn't fall apart in the air. By the way, another Boeing panel fell off the fucking Boeing. Dallas, it has to be intentional.

A Lebanese illegal immigrant caught trying to cross over the United States' southern border reportedly admitted that he is a member of Hezbollah. Or Hezbollah, as I like to say it when I was a member. The alleged member of the Iran-backed terrorist group. How do you guys say it in the military? Hezbollah. Or Hezbollah, as I like to say it when I was a member. The alleged member of the Iran-backed terrorist group. How do you guys say it in the military? Hezbollah? Hezbollah? Like past tense for Ebola? Hezbollah?

Back? How about calling them dirty sand chimps? Iran-backed terrorist group intended to go to New York and plan to make a bomb. Well, that's an honest guy. That's him at the border. There's a hint. The New York Post reported on Sunday.

Get this name, folks. It's one of my favorites. Okay. It's Basil, Basil, Basil, Ibadi. Look it. It's a male model. You're going to blow up that pretty face, kid. Basil, basil and a little bit of oregano.

Hey, buddy, 22 years old, was caught by Border Patrol on March 9th. We're joking about it, but he was caught. You guys, there's a 9-11 attack coming that might make that look like a fire. On March 9th near El Paso, Texas, while in custody, he was asked what he was doing in the U.S. to which he replied, I'm going to try to make a fart. On March 9th near El Paso, Texas, while in custody he was asked what he was doing in the U.S. to which he replied, I'm gonna try to make a bomb. You, that's how, that's how they know it's a joke. He goes, I'll probably get through anyways, even if I say it. He actually, he gives an explanation. The United States State Department designated Hezbollah as a foreign

terrorist organization and part of the AL East and the MLB in 1997. In a sworn interview, the Lebanese national said his training focused on jihad. That's what I minored in at Maine. Business, jihad. And killing people who are not Muslim. Could this guy be any more honest? Durka, Durka. My God.

Muhammad, jihad. Bacala, you jerk. Haka, sherpa, sherpa. Bacala. Abadi later claimed that he fled Lebanon because he didn't want to kill people and said once you're in, like the mafia, you can never get out, according to internal documents from the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. That's ICE.

According to the report, Abadi didn't have documents when he illegally entered the U.S. through the southern border. He alleged that he was robbed with a knife at Target, picking up a cake for his wife. He says he was robbed with a knife while he was in Costa Rica, according to ICE documents, which probably happened. I don't know. I don't believe a word of this scumbag said.

He reportedly confessed to having used a fake name. How did they not get the Kevin O'Leary? No. He used a fake name, Muhammad Muhammad Abu Dhabi. And birthday while traveling. Fake name and birthday. You mean birth date? Is that what they mean?

Or did he have like a silly hat on and a noisemaker? While traveling in Sweden, Ecuador, and Panama. Balls on this prick. In February, a report was released based on customs and border protection data that found that more than 30,000 migrants with possible ties to terrorism or other nefarious activity were released into the United States in the last 15 months. 30,000.

30,000. And there was another stat after that. That was just a shock, and I didn't include it because the story was long enough, in my opinion. And I have that spatial ability I was talking about, whether it's distance, time, whatever. We're right at 20 minutes here. And the story ended. Ow.

Anyhow. You believe that, though? Heck, you don't think something bad's going to happen soon? They're patient. Exactly. And really, just think about it. And people are going, I'm still voting, but bye.

I don't understand it folks I don't understand it anyways for those of you guys on Mug Club stick around for the second half of the show everyone else you go to nickdip.com join to get my full show the great Steven Crowder's full show and I say a whole lot more

I mean you get the very funny Brian Callen the Hodge twins Alex Jones on Fridays the undercover team that breaks stories that go national the next day and the show's funny as fuck what else you want anyways uh everyone else you go to nickdip.com join to get my full show like I said crowd, Crowders and everybody else's. And while you're there, click on the tour dates. I got a couple up there. I'm hoping, again, I might do a little stand-up in April somewhere so I don't fucking...

It's been seven months. By the way, I chose to take seven months. You know, fucking guys. Some guy goes, I told you, I look at the one comment. It's sad how you make your money now, huh? What? It's sad how I make my money now? It's how I...

Huh? No, exactly. I hate to tell you what I make too, jerk-off. You work for the man. I haven't had a boss since I was fucking 28. Remember that. Anyhow, anywho, I'm just kidding. You're a good fan, I'm sure.

Go fuck your sister so you got me May 1st and 2nd at Sidesplitters that's in Tampa, Florida that's one of my haunts it's like playing

to family down there I go down there after the show I recognize half the crowd they've been coming for years it's a great one. Then on

May 10th, I get two shows. Soul, Joel's Comedy Club, and Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Another great gig. Joel's a great guy that puts it together. And then the big one on May 11th, and I'm looking forward to this because I love my Jersey people.

Especially after watching The Sopranos. I'm like, I think I did grow up in New Jersey. May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. So that's a big one. Bring everybody you know, folks. It will be very, very delicious of you. Thank you. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown

And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else

And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I see you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else