The Nick DiPaolo Show - MLB Black Washes History | Nick Di Paolo Show #1578

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Jill the shill, a Dress rehearsal, Ozempic and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 Now we're talking. How are you folks? Welcome to the show on a Thursday, final day of the week. We have our eye, one eye open on the, waiting for the Trump verdict to come down. Maybe it will while we're doing this. Maybe it won't. The fact that they take him this long,

it's like, what? And believe me, it's Manhattan. Honestly, I expect a guilty verdict, but I don't think it really fucking matters. Because he's under Bragg's actual law in New York. If it's a first time felony and you're not a or whatever, you don't have any fucking priors or whatever. You don't do jail time. And I thought he was soft on crime.

Exactly. Until it's a white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed billionaire. And I just don't. Drawing from that pool in New York City for a jury, it's as bad as you hear it is on TV. So whatever. I mean, seriously, in a perfect world, the guy would have said, go in there and decide.

And they would have walked in there and shut the door and came back out and said, this is a joke. Any other state that would have went down like that. This fucking guy, this judge has put his thumb, ass, feet, head on the scale. And he's an abomination. And this should signal to you people, how do you still, why I'm, again, I'm not preaching to the choir here. You guys are with me on that. How the fuck are people still, after watching this, going to go, yeah, I would vote Biden or vote Democrat. This is what they're for in the future?

Banana Republic, third world, prosecute your political opponents, you're fine with that? What the fuck is wrong with you? See, it's all about winning. We don't care how, you know, whatever. I can't believe that. You want me to believe that half the country wants that for the future of America, third world, Banana Republic? Are you that retarded? You've proved so.

So anyways, first, we got an eye on that. We'll let you know. Jill's a joke. Dr. Jill. First Lady Jill Biden shrugged off her husband's poor polls Wednesday. Oh, my God. Predicting Americans will, and this is a quote, choose good over evil. Well, they chose evil over good last time, even though they didn't. But let's pretend they did. Can you imagine on November 5th, after taking a shot? Let me remind you guys, this thing's not going to be decided on November 5th. Get ready for more fucking horse shit.

Even if Trump wins in a fucking triple landslide, they'll come up with some horse shit. It's just after taking a shot at former President Donald Trump's cognitive faculty, she went on that hard-hitting show where she was guaranteed to get grilled like a hamburger. You know, The View. Riffing off The View co-host, horseface Joy Behar's assertion that the 45th president can't put a sentence together. I almost fainted when I heard that. And has like brain farts in the middle of his paragraphs.

The first lady predicted President Biden will look sharp in a debate against his rival. We're going to play. We have to show you this, because if I just read it to you, I don't think you'd believe that she would make such a galling statement. Listen to this idiot.

You need to see Trump, and you need to see the president, and you need to see the differences. Yeah, the same. And my husband's, and you're going to see how smart he is and the experience he has. And then you'll see somebody who, like you saying I'm gonna use Julie's words can't

put a sentence together and everything is beautiful and it's one tremendous bigly yeah only think big leaves your ass yeah fuckin if that's not enough to make some of you people out there who are sitting on the, not that you'd be watching The View, but it'll be on all the shows on Fox and every other fucking, her looking into the camera and saying that Joe Biden's opponent can't put a sentence together. That's not, gaslighting doesn't even work. I don't know what word you'd use for it.

The fucking gall on this senior abuser hanging her fucking husband out there. She's got to be a real C, I'll tell you. Why am I centering myself? That's it. First half of the show.

With all due respect to First Lady Jill Biden, her husband is a walking zombie who can't climb up stairs, talk, or read a script off a teleprompter. Trump campaign

national spokesperson Caroline Leavitt said, another hot blonde, you got to hand it to Trump, man. Fucking Melania must be home just taking relaxing pills and fucking sweating beads. Pussies all around. She's smart. She doesn't have big tits. I'll give you that much. She's got big tits.

But she's smart. It's getting better big tits. I'll give you that much. She's got big tits. But she's smart. It's getting better. Fucking Marsha Brady over here. Oh, so yeah, she fired back and said what the truth was. I know, Hillary, you like her. Girl with a smart mouth. Rather than go on The View and spew lies about President Trump to save her husband's dying campaign,

she should start packing her corrupt family's bags because they'll be leaving the White House very soon. I love it. You know, it's great because Trump has the, he doesn't have all the sneaks behind him this time working for him. He didn't know who to hire and whatnot, you know what I mean?

If he gets in, and I hope he fucking, I hope retribution, you know, he should go after everybody that was involved. Started with Adam Schiff. Hang that cocksucker from a fucking light pole right in front of the White House. Yeah, they should be packing their bags.

They're going to be leaving the White House very soon. A series of polls have shown deep voter apprehension about Joe Biden's age due in large part to a series of brutal gaffes. Speaking of putting sentences together, at 81, and he's an old 81. My fucking grandfather looked like a teenager at 81. He's already the oldest president in U.S. history. He'd be 86. He's not going to live until he's 86, whether he's in the White House or not. I got news for you. This guy's going to be in a fetal position with green jello pouring out of his fucking wrinkled ass. This guy's going to be in a fetal position with green jello pouring out of his fucking wrinkled ass.

Allah. No, what do you say, God willing? Insala. In U.S. history, he'd be 86 at the conclusion of a second full hypothetical term. Should Trump win and serve out a full second term, he'll take the title of oldest U.S. president upon leaving office at the age of 82 in 2029, which I can see him being fine. I mean, this guy's, what's he now?

70, I can't do the math. Late 70s? 80 or whatever the fuck. He's got the energy. i get exhausted watching this guy he'll when he's free he can but he'll bounce from he'll do maybe he's doing two three states in a day i mean come on biden and trump who's 77 dude nick have agreed uh to two one-on-one debates to be held June 27th and September 10th. I'll be doing both of them live with Steven Crowder. Those streaming things, man, get huge. He does TV-like numbers and beats some shows in the 18th of 34 demographic TV show.

That's how powerful Loududa with Crowder is. I suggest you tune in because we drank while we're doing it. Every time, you know, Trump will say Big Lee or whatever, or Biden will call him a liar. We do a, you know. I had to go to have my liver checked after the last State of the Union. We made the rules very broad. But for her to sit there on national tv why would you pick that out of all the things that you can go after trump about why would you

pick something that the whole world knows your husband can't do is talk and pick that that's so stupid you want me to believe she has a phd that dope she's just a power hungry. I'm sure she was a piece of ass in her day, but she's retarded. That's the way I like it. What? You heard me. Hey, in the second half of the show, ladies and gentlemen, I'll be talking about Louisiana. They'll cut your dick off. They love their andouille sausage. Especially if it comes from a pedophile. They're trying to pass a bill making castration and not the chemical kind. I'm talking about the kind with a dull butter knife and a fucking... Also, Major League Baseball once again caves into the woke by changing history, rewriting history, which I want you to hear that one.

That's going to send you through the fucking roof. So, yeah, if you want to hear that, what am I saying now? Just say Nick Dipp. Say what? NickDipp.com. Yeah, go to... Oh, God, help me. Go to NickDipp.com. Yeah, go to... Oh, God, help me.

Go to NickDip.com if you want to... You got to sign up, folks. Like I just told you, a lot of the crowd of the Mug Club is where it's at if you're going to get your news from the internet. And you sign up at NickDip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to NickDip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts,

hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the NICCA shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's NickDipp.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. On to the next story, ladies and gentlemen. Terrorist dress rehearsal. We know this is coming.

We know this is thanks to the open borders. But this still sends a chill up your ass, even if you know it's inevitable. I don't think if it's going to happen, it's when. Dave Katz, a former federal firearms instructor who worked at Marine Corps Base Quantico near Triangle, Virginia, told Fox News that the attempted breach of the base earlier this month by two foreign nationals may have been a dry run for a future attack. You think? You think? And I want to thank all you people who voted Biden for putting this country at risk.

Can I prove that? He says, Mr. Katz. No, but it's like the 9-11 hijacks is trying to get aboard planes with box cutters on other occasions prior to actually perpetrating the act he added to. It's the same fucking thing. They did a dry run. And thanks to Biden, we have these people in this country, unvetted, running around. On May 3rd, two males driving a box truck. Jesus. That's the exact truck they'll use, too. They were really rubbing it on the face. You couldn't have got like a, I don't know. I was going to say U-Haul.

They use those, too. I don't know. A Tundra? Put some Mexicans in the back? Should have. May 3rd, two males driving a box truck, and that's what they'll use probably, attempted to enter the base when they were stopped by security. Big deal, right?

Yeah. The men told the guards they were contracted drivers trying to complete an Amazon delivery. Yeah, but how about the heavy Syrian accent? After failing to produce proper identification, law enforcement authorities instructed the men to wait in a holding area so that a secondary check could be conducted. And meanwhile, at the airport, they're shaking down white women in their late 80s and guys in wheelchairs and shit. The men ignored the guards' instructions

and attempted to move the vehicle past the holding area. These guys are method actors. Holy shit. I'm surprised they didn't blow themselves up. Authorities quickly engaged the vehicle denial barriers, preventing the box truck from proceeding. Curtis reported that the two men were turned over to immigration and customs enforcement. That would be ICE. It has since been confirmed that both of these cocksuckers were in the United States,

guess what, illegally. Durka, Durka. Yeah. Move on to jihad. Big surprise, huh? Sherpa, Sherpa. God bless you, Joe. One of the men illegally crossed the southern border into California in April. California. While the other male was in the country with an expired student visa, which I believe a few of the 9-11 hijackers were on work visas, whatever, expired. Are we the only ones that follow the laws for middle class, hardworking, taxpaying people? Honest to fucking God. Katz says that he is skeptical of the men's cover story.

Well, aren't you a detective? Jesus, what makes you think that? A student overstays. Somehow, he says, gets in contact with someone illegally crossing into the U.S. on the other side of the country. Both of them wind up in that truck, Kat stated. Can anyone come up with any reasonable explanation as to why two illegal aliens from Jordan, that's like being a football player from Texas if you're a fucking terrorist, football player from Texas, if you're a fucking terrorist, would be driving a box truck in a sensitive area other than to try to make a dry run for a future incident? It's a sick question.

You're a sick fucker. I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Said one of Biden's fucking flankies, flakies, flankies, flokies. What? I don't know. I took an Advil PM last night. Slept right through the night, though. It's a trade-off. You sleep right through the night,

but then you're retarded for the first six hours of the next day. Katz continued, if you can't provide an explanation for that, it's terror-related. Why don't you ask Jill Biden? Let her husband spit it out. Let's take a look at the videotape. Yeah, this is them trying to make entry.

All right. Durka Allah. Muhammad Jihad. Look at him. Look at him. Bakala. Muhammad Jihad. Bakala. Muhammad Jihad. Durka, Durka, Muhammad Jihad.

Muhammad Jihad. Oh, shit. How that didn't win a fucking Oscar for a comedy. Whatever. Oh my God. Muhammad Jihad. Muhammad Jihad. Oh shit. Do it, Ricky.

The government hasn't decided either way. That's the scary part. Whether these guys are, you know. Are you fucking, are you kidding me? And they have, they've already had, remember? This was a couple years ago. They said, we know of at least 13 that are on the terror watch list that are loose somewhere. Just hope you're not there at the mall or the movie theater.

I'm surprised they haven't tried to hit like an NFL game a Couple bags of rice and Put them in the water thing the Gatorade thing start there on the sideline guy takes a sip Are you the helicopter flies over and just drops fentanyl. Right? Enough of it will kill how many people, how quickly, whatever. We're sitting ducks. And thanks to shithead, we're sitting ducks.

Please vote Trump if he's not in prison. I don't know. Hey, guys, get full episodes of the Nick DiPaolo Show and Lotto the Crowder. Four days a week. Brian Callen also, Mr. Guns and Gear weekly, and exclusive live streams from the great Alex Jones for $9 monthly or $89 annually. That's exclusively on Mug Club. So sign up now.

And I'm telling you, that's not just an ad. It's not because I'm on that show. They have an undercover team that have broke a couple national stories. He backs up all his shit with facts. I mean, a kid can put on a show by a kid. I mean, Crowder, who's a fucking genius. And for you listeners out there, we are now uploading the complete audio version of the show in addition to video. So you can still access the video version as normal.

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to my show and everything else Mug Club has to offer, which is a lot. If you'd like to support the military and Mug Club network, sign up today with promo code military. Go to mugclub.rumble.com and don't forget to enter promo code military. And we thank you for doing so. On with more news, more fake Ozempic side effects. As you know, I follow these closely. And even when I don't, like I wake up today, my wife has a newspaper article spread out on the table with a big fucking arrow saying read. And I'm in the bathroom trying to push one out. I'm fine. No. And let me tell you, folks, you can make up your minds, whatever.

can make up your minds, whatever. First thing I Google is how many, what percentage of those epithet is, you know, experience bad side effects. And it's like 15 to 20% experience like nausea and constipation and vomiting. And then the real serious shit is like a minuscule. You know what I mean? I don't give a fuck, man. Like I said, I'm 62. I'm fucking rolling the dice. Whatever. Like I said, I get a colostomy bag. Who gives a shit?

I'm making a nice one. Louis Vuitton. I think Calvin, Donna Karan's coming out with something this fall. Nice shit bag. Says, I heart poop. And like I said, it's a good icebreaker at the bar. Called the Biden special. The Biden special. Oh, that would be fucking hilarious.

Picture of Biden on a colostomy bag. Fucking shithead. So again, I'm not saying these side effects I told you guys a couple weeks ago, I thought I had triplets caught in my ass. That scared the shit out of me.

I haven't touched, I haven't melted cheese on anything I don't think since then. But that was a plate of nachos at like midnight. I fucked it. I'm telling you that had to be it. Are you getting grossed out? You should be. Anyways, experts are warning of one more potential side effect to popular weight loss drug, reckless behavior.

I don't need Ozempic to act like an asshole. Reckless behavior. That's one of the new side effects. How the fuck? How do you know? According to two experts, the drugs could cause people to act out of character. Yeah, so does alcohol and fucking cocaine and all the good things. Christ, I get nuts if I eat sugar.

Engaging in risky behavior. So they're saying you'll engage in risky behavior, some people, like gambling or making huge life changes like getting a divorce. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. Yeah, but I'm a skinny one. Do you believe that? Now, these are the stories that I think hurt their case. I wish I, I got to be honest with you, I wish I had some of those.

I'd like to learn how to gamble responsibly. I'll leave it at that. Collectively, such behavior is called impulse control disorder. A lot of black people have it. And to be fair to them, they get diabetes too, so. Alarming rate, or as Tracy Morgan calls it, sugar foot.

Sugar foot. God bless them. Collectively, such behavior is called impulse control disorder, an umbrella term. I guess the fuck. Like the roof of the Astrodome that encompasses conditions that make it tough to control your actions. Again, coffee will do that to me. This could include everything from angry outbursts to more serious disorders like pyromania. Okay?

Pirate, folks, you know what that is? That's when you light fires, I believe. For the fun of it. For the fun of it. Yeah, that's a good point. Not responsibly lighting fires. For the fun of it. So, sure, I'm down to 180, but I'm burnt down my neighbor's house.

What the? This is according to the Cleveland Clinic. What the fuck does Cleveland know about anything? But there are some angry outbursts, but I think, well, we have an example. One guy at a diner fucking here in Savannah lost he's got his members only coat on if you guys don't know the Sopranos that's the great David DeProval and the character he's portraying is Richie April maybe the best bad guy in the history of television shows that was his opening scene and then he got

to be an asshole after that. What a classic. The researchers said they don't know why the drugs could cause people to make such decisions. You're not convincing me, man. But this wouldn't be the first time a drug has been associated with an auto risky behavioral change. Yeah, okay. I think it's worth the risk. risky behavioral change. Yeah, okay. I think it's worth the risk. It is well established that hypersexuality,

oh, a lot of prostitutes taking this? Probably. It stays slim and that's a good thing. And excessive gambling. That's a... Hey, what stays on Ozempic... Whatever.

What happens on Ozempic stays in vegas i don't know uh and excessive gambling is associated with uh taking uh levotuba levotuba dr raymond playford one of the paper's authors told the daily mail you egghead will you get something better to do other than make me nervous? Levopita, a drug used to treat Parkinson's disease. That's true. Michael J. Fox has been gambling like a motherfucker and hitting people with a coffee pot. Has been shown to increase the risk for pathological gambling. Who gives a fuck what you think? Just see a guy in Vegas in cuffs.

Yeah, he tested positive for old Zempa. Get him out of here. It's Monjaro, man. The paper's authors acknowledge they haven't seen evidence of gambling or reckless sexual behavior. But they don't want to rule out the possibility either. Hey, could you make the terms a little broader?

Yeah, they just seem to pull random shit out of the sky. I'm like, let's just throw this in the sky. Yeah, and say we haven't seen it yet. Oh, I got one. Pyromania. That'll be perfect. Yeah, exactly. Pyromania, but it puts three inches on your dick a week.

Sign me up. Be easy to pick out of a lineup. Who set the fire? Fucking black guy. Fucking. What kind of study is that? I mean, I'm not saying, it might affect behavior, because anything affects your nervous

system, which this shit does, but I mean, Jesus Christ, we haven't seen anything yet, but saw a couple guys, what, fucking playing craps against a wall in Detroit? I don't know what the fuck. I'm staying on it.

I look forward to it. Get a nice shot once a week from the wife. I think she enjoys it too. Let me find a vein. You know, fucking iron. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com

and join to get my full show, Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. Hi. Good night, everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down

Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed Everybody else And I don't wanna get a job

Everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else See ya, see ya, what are ya? I'm not like everybody else Hey, hey