The Nick DiPaolo Show - More College Campus Chaos | Nick Di Paolo Show #1561

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Cops vs Jew Haters, Joe's not funny and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 What's this motherless fuck's name? You know my name. Hi kids, welcome to the show on a Monday. It's always a Monday, isn't it? Big week. Be going down to Tampa Wednesday and Thursday, stepping on stage for the first time in about eight months. This is going to be weird.

I've been going over my old sets and making fucking notes and shit. I hate it. It's fun when I'm down there. You know how it is. Trust me, if I could sell weed tomorrow, I'd make a turn of profit. Anyhow, how are you guys doing? Big weekend of whatever, right?

I don't know. NFL draft. Who gives a shit? Fucking millions of people watching. Thousands of people outside watching it live. Jesus Christ, as the world melts down. You know? Although it is an escape.

You can't blame them. But I guess the Bears did very well. I looked at an article. The Eagles had a great draft. The Ravens, I don't know. The Patriots were 18th. 17th. They took that Drake May kid, though, out of North Carolina,

whatever the fuck quarter. Supposed to be something else. So I would have traded him up. Although they got a great defense, actually. So who knows? Who gives a shit? You're right. What else happened over the weekend?

Anything? Nothing. NHL playoffs. Oh, my God. It's like cocaine. Fuck it. Let's get to it. Again, come see me if you guys are in Tampa Wednesday night, Thursday night.

That's this week anyways. Responsibly raised chicken. I thought it would start off light. I looked at that because I have a joke called responsibly raised chicken that you'll be hearing. But I just stumbled over this. Some shit makes me laugh. And I don't know what this rooster did to piss off this Asian lady.

I have no idea. Maybe. Anyways, they're in a squabble about something. And take a look at this. This is just refreshing to me. First blood. Double kill. Triple kill.

Killing spree. Killing spree. You have slain an enemy. Maniac. Savage. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know what that was about but it's not a wet market is it Jesus

that was you're slapping a rooster in the face my Grammy used to grab them and snap their necks anyways I thought that was a nice way to start Monday because that's what it feels like so let's get on to, obviously, over the weekend, nothing settled down on college campuses.

Fucking finally, some people, how about like Columbia's president says no and all taken down the encampments and whatever the fuck. So she should be gone. Let it burn. Or let it burn. I wish it would, but it's not burning.

That's the thing. Get those flame-thhrowing dogs we showed. Unbelievable. So, yeah, it's, you know, it's getting, you want to call it violent. I don't see enough head breaking going on. You know, I'll show you a clip in a few minutes of a guy making a perfect form tackle on one of these faggots. But I want to see some fucking night sticks and some tasers. What happened? And I'm dead serious. What happened to German shepherds

and fire hoses? That's how you know they're not serious, folks. It's all for show. It's like the Republicans that are pretending to resist Democrats in the House and Senate. It's all for show. You're going to tell me you can't clear out college? What are you going to do when there's a rail invasion in 10 years, when all these young males are coming home from every country in the world of fighting age, by the way, when they decide to step up? You can't handle these bitches at Ivy League schools? Here's some more footage of these Jew haters versus the cops. I don't even know. This is the wake-up call. Oh, this is, oh, all right.

I should have put that in there. This is one Jewish kid who's had enough. A couple of him and his buddies, they went to, I don't know if it's NYU, wherever this is, to one of these college campuses at like 4 in the morning to wake up the communists. At least they had kind of a sense of humor about it. Here you go. Good morning, Vietnam!

Hey, this is not a test. This is rock and roll. Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ. Does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie? Wake up, commies! Wake up! Wake up! That's the beauty of College A's protests, is they don't start their shit until around noontime.

They're like, come on, man. They wake up, smoke a joint, back to bed. We'll get to the fucking... We'll get to the righties in a few minutes. I thought that was pretty good though. And you know, they're out like lights and oh, such bitches, but I'm glad that guy did that. Hundreds of anti-Israel protesters, by the way, that's not just students, you know, some of the faculties out there. And what's hilarious, these left-wing professors

and the kids have been calling Republicans and Trump Nazis and Hitler for years, and they are literally Jew haters. The irony's so thick you couldn't cut it with Michelle Obama's dick. I'm putting that in the ad. Delicious? Well, I don't know. Maybe.

I don't know. Anyways, so hundreds of them were arrested at college campuses across the United States on Saturday after FedUp administrators said enough is enough. Really, it took you what, a month? Officials at Columbia University, meanwhile, they're continuing to dither, allowing Gaza's solitary encampment to remain and dropping a deadline to remove it while they negotiate with the student leaders who are holding the campus hostage. They do. Why don't you call Reagan? Oh, he's dead. But remember Reagan when he was the governor of California? The shit went down on some campuses, probably Berkeley and all those, and he just fucking called in the Army or the National Guard and kicked the shit out of them. Anyways, that's how real leaders do it.

Over 200 bitches, and I mean protesters, at colleges, including Northeastern in Boston, Arizona State University in Tempe, Indiana University in Bloomington, and Washington University in St. Louis were arrested on Saturday. They make it sound like a lot. That was like across the country. They're bragging about 200 arrests. Is this the form tackled? No.

This is more proof of what's going on. Look at this. This looks like Braveheart. These kids aren't too tough. That kid looks like he's Vietnamese. Pow! That's a pow! Pow!

Talking about death. What do you all know about death? Protests at Indiana were captured on video singing, Free, Free Palestine, and holding open umbrellas. Wow, high tech. Are you going to break out your galoshes in a few minutes? Pointed towards cops, you know you could take an eye out, and state troopers as they backed away from the charged up group.

Did I? Umbrellas. Earlier in the week, 33 people had been arrested at an encampment that school officials said was intended to occupy the university space indefinitely. And there's a typical lefty broad that you can tell she has induced in about 11 months and unfuckable. Decent rock, but unfuckable and hateful. And because she's unfuckable, doesn't fit into the mainstream in our society. She's very angry and got angry at a young age and hated cheerleaders. I can tell you everything about her.

And she's got hairy armpits and she's a fucking vegan and cuts cheerleaders. I can tell you everything about her. And she's got hairy armpits and she's a fucking vegan and cuts the worst collet green farts. And I hope she dies. Meanwhile, chaotic footage taken at Washington University shows officers charging at protesters who stood with their arms locked. Oh, that's a tough one. Kids that have never done a curl. Their arms locked together before some were dragged away by their feet. Over 80 arrests were made at the St. Louis campus, and the school was locked down Saturday evening as the massive group of kids who have never been slapped in their fucking lives and have been coddled refuse to leave. So this is a, I think it was a Georgia cop, right? On a Georgia campus, a black Georgia state trooper who makes one of the most beautiful form tackles.

Why I can't find the audio of this, if I could have had it yesterday, I don't know. It doesn't really matter because they slow it down. Want to see a beautiful tackle, and again, remember, he's tackling a kid who never played a sport in his life, and it's just a whiny bitch. I wish he went high on him, and pulled a Jack Tatum and paralyzed this jerk up. But watch

as you can tell, I guarantee this guy played football. This is called a form tackle. Let's roll it. We'll slow it down and show it again. Here he comes. Bam! Let me ask you, Mr. Official. Look at that.

He's had enough. That guy's in great shape, too. The brother's in good shape. And so he tackles that guy, right? Guy in quotes. And here he is taking him away can you Can you imagine being a grown man? A grown man and going, oh, you're hurting me. He's hurting me.

Anyways, in the second half of the show, we'll be talking about a poll where Trump is, again, trouncing Biden, but it's not trouncing. It's a few points. And again, he's running against a corpse. So I don't believe in any of these polls. You know that. So it's not that close. It says six

points. It might as well be 600. Also, Bill Maher busted Don Lemon's balls on his show when Don Lemon brought up safe spaces. It's kind of refreshing to see libs eating libs anyways. That's exclusively on Mug Club,

by the way. So join to get Mug Club at nickdip.com. I'm sick of fucking saying it. All right. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. See you soon. Back to the show. Yeah. Among those arrested was a Green Party candidate, Jill Stein. I actually know a few comedians. Joe List, like Jill Stein. She's actually a Jew who's against Israel and says this should be a ceasefire. So she's done. Who was confronted outside Columbia University just a day earlier for being in the minority and representing the 1% of Jews

in opposition to Israel's war against Hamas. You fucking whore. Fuck you. Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready. With her fucking Moe Howard haircut. Jill Stein wants a presidential

candidate. What is she, a libertarian? Whatever. Who gives a shit? A couple people have cut their throats. I don't have a story about this one, but you know Kristi Noem, the very hot governor of North or South Dakota? One of the Dakotas. Anyway, she's

got a book out, some memoirs. And in the book, she told a story about her when she was like 13, I guess, shooting a dog, one of her dogs, out of anger. Not to put it down. I guess they took it on a hunting trip and it scared birds. The dog was just being a dog and having a blast. And then on the way home it attacked some chickens and she's so angry about it she put that she shot the dog and she puts that in there it was all it

was all over the papers i don't know she said you know what her excuse she said to show that i'm not afraid of the messy jobs what the fuck i don't i still don't believe that. And she killed something else. A dog and something else. She threw in a pit a goat. I think it was a goat. She said, I hated goats as a kid. They were smelly. What the fuck?

Enjoy your career in politics. I don't fucking get that one. Should have been part of the story. I know. Anyways, let's move on to Sinner Sinner Correspondents Dinner. Donald Trump on Sunday trashed the White House Correspondents Dinner after being mocked by President Biden and Saturday Night Live star Colin Jost at the annual event. I've met Colin Jost.

He's a decent guy. At least he was to me. And, you know, whatever. He's making a, he's a lefty. What the fuck? They went to Harvard, didn't he? Went to one of those Ivy Leagues. Anyways, he let me audition for a movie.

I didn't get it. So fuck him. The White House Correspondents Dinner was really bad. This is Trump's review. If Trump called me and said, write a review, pretend it's me, this is what I would have wrote. Colin Jost bombed, which I don't think was true, the few clips I saw. And Crooked Joe was an absolute disaster.

Well, of course. He goes, it doesn't get much worse than this. He said on Truth Social. It's just so predictable. He said on Truth Social. It's just so predictable. On Saturday evening, during the annual event for reporters and celebrities, Biden leveraged his appearance

to take aim at his predecessor. I'll give you a trigger warning. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert. Here's Joe Biden. The 2024 election is in full swing. Fuck you. And yes, age is an issue.

H-Jews! I'm a grown man running against a six-year-old. Really? Well, I feel great. I really feel great. I'm campaigning all over the country. No. No, no, not you. I was doing pause. Go ahead. Pennsylvania, Georgia, North Carolina. I've always done well in the original 13 colonies. You know you're a fucking mumbling stutterer little fuck. You know that?

The other thing we have in common. My vice president actually endorses me Trump's so desperate he started reading those Bibles he's selling hold on that should have been cut there then he got to the first commandment you shall have no other gods before me did I leave this in? that's when he put it down and said, this book's not for me. Oh, yeah, he did, because it was a dud.

You are correct, sir. Trump, when they asked him about Trump, goes, I'm going to take a wicked shit. It's after 10 p.m. Sleepy Joe is still awake while Donald Trump has spent the past week, I think this is Colin Joe's material, the past week falling asleep in our court every morning, though Fox News said he was just being anti-woke. Ouch. Not one of his better ones.

Underneath some of the banter, the dinner took a somber tone at times. The defeated former President Trump has made no secret of his attack on our democracy. This is Trump, I mean, Biden. He said he wants to be a dictator on day one and so much more. All this shit, this is how you know they're desperate.

All this shit has been debunked. They took it out of context. Even people on the left call them out, you know, the left out on taking this shit out of context. It's been debunked. And they're still hanging on to shit like, they have nothing other than attacking him. It's fucking odd. His attack on, he said he wants to be a dictator on day one, and so much more. Yeah, and people believe that. He tells supporters, he wants to be a dictator. Isn't that funny? He

was a president for four years. Huh? No media gotten thrown in jail, nothing. Didn't arrest his political opponent. Who wants to be a dictator? Suck a dick, you fucking maggot. He tells supporters he is the revenge and retribution Biden warned. Oh, my God. I can't take this fucking.

God, I can't take this fucking. Ahead of the feted event, throngs of anti-Israel protesters railed against Biden and the crowds of attendees who entered the D.C. Hilton. So things are all

inside the sand. It's all hunky-dory. Meanwhile, protesters are fucking, you know, there's fire going on outside. Anyways, for those of you guys in Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, you know what to do. Go to nickdip.com and sign up to get my full show. You don't want to leave me now. Admit it.

Look at my hair. It's terrible. You're going to get Crowder's whole show, which is about two hours filled with funny facts and everything else. Spend more money than the fucking movie business. Their productions are unbelievable. And also Alex Jones on Fridays and a whole lot more. Get that at nickdip.com.

Also, when you're there, click on my tour dates. May 1 and 2, I'm going to be at Sidespool. That's this Wednesday and Thursday night, one show. I think they're both at 7.30. If you're not there, you're really fucking queer. May 10, two shows. Soul, Joel's Comedy Club, and Pottstown, PA. Tommy, I don't want to do that second one,

but I guess it makes it financially worth the while. I told you no more two fucking show nights. May 11, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. That's a big one. We're over 700 tickets, but that's nothing to brag about. Let's pick up the pace out there. God damn it. Fucking working like Springsteen for you

people. But that'll, like I said, comedy fans buy their tickets week of, day of. We'll be fine, but fuck, why do we have to sweat everything? Jesus Christ. Hi. Good night,

everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well

I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed Like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job Like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else See you singing, what are ya? I'm not like everybody else

Baby